Tuesday, June 21, 2011

SLC Blues...


The SLC result is out .... what's wrong with them folks @ the Examination Controllers´ Office? ... them result was supposed to be out next week... kay taal ko manchey haroo ho!

I hope our CA clowns will learn a thing or two from them... hope we get the first draft of our constitution .. like a week earlier ki kaso? Not happening.. Sushil da is in New York drinking them Slurpees and getting a brainfreeze hola ni! Prachandoo is still trying to sleep with them RAW agents! Jhallu Baba is busy cutting ribbons here and there!

Abuh ko cha baaki.... our President is ... I have no idea what he's up to? If he's not really busy then he should do some volunteer work kya... like join them free health camps around the country and do your stuff ni... Daktaar ho .. Daktaari nai garoom kya!

Did you know that if you drink like 6 Slurpees in less than an hour... you get a combo of brainfreeze and orgasm? Hehe... I didn't know but hope the President of Nepali Congress (Kangaroos) will return a happy man from New York ..hehe!

I never liked them Slurpees .... used to drink them Monster (energy drink) thing back then.... now I drink only Lemon Soda with Birey Noon... hehe!

Anyways, let's talk about SLC kya! Only 55% passed this year rey. More than 300k students took them exams... so we have like 100k who couldn't make the grades!

Today, let us not talk about those who passed ... but about them young ones (and few old!) who failed to get past the so-called 'Iron Gate'. I still remember my SLC exam ko tyam syam! It was a nerve-wrecking experience... no not them exams but having to sit beside them pretty girls from Dal-Bhat!

Oops.. with due respect to the ladies from Madan Smarak... MS rocks but them dresses didn't kya! I sat next to this beautiful woman who was so focused on writing her answers that if I had dropped dead right next to her... she wouldn't have noticed or wouldn't have offered to perform any CPR stuff hola.. haha!

Tyeti bela kay ko CPR... if people fainted or had seizures.. all you did was watch them and wait for God to do something kya!

Every morning... I gave her a 'Halls' ..... I still use 'Halls' as a form of commodity money kya! If I don't have change or the Khalasi bhai refuses to hand me my change then I give him 'Halls'! I give 'Halls' as birthday gift to my friends, girlfriend and her friends!

I suck at this gift-giving thing hola! So for all them exams ... I gave her 'Halls' and she chaw-paa-ing them very much... thank you... but she never spoke a word! And on the last day... she looked like she was about to cry!

No, she wasn't going to miss a 'sicko' and his 'Halls' .. maybe them answers were not coming in her head hola ni... I wanted to help her but I couldn't kya! I had Optional Maths .. she had 'Home Science' .. abuh parey-naw fasad!

I guess she forgot to write down the right recipe for Momo ko achar or something. Tamatar.. noon and paani .. I don't know! I was busy trying to invent my own answers ... but then she packed her bags and handed her answer sheet.

I looked at her and said to myself... 'Well, there goes Zeenat Aman... and now I will never see her again!' Yes, I am old school hola.. but them 70s ko Bollywood hero-ni had more oomph and aaah kya... and it's like a lethal combo of beauty, brains and sex appeal ki kay bhancha ni! Okay.. I don't know about brains... 2+2 is 5 kya!

I don't want to sound like a jackass (I know I am but....)... I like Sarah Palin very much .... not! Okay, once I had a thing for Michelle Malkin.... well, I didn't really have a shot.. but watching them Republican women on TV is pretty intense.. myan.. hehe! Let's forget Amrika... or else I will have to talk about 'prodigal son' ... hehe!

Okay, let's get back to the story of the day ... them folks who fail the SLC thing.. don't be sad hai! This is not the end of the world. Finding the 'one' and losing her is... hehe!

Mero tole ma there were 3 guys who failed their SLC exams.. and where are they now? No, they are not drinking local twat (Nepali... not British version hai feri!) and going crazy.

Dude #1, one of the cheapest bastards I have ever known, is a successful banker now. Dude #2, the guy who could build radios from a plank of wood, two wires and three nails... is doing his PhD!

And Dude #3, the guy who would make money in them winter holidays, by delivering all them love letters from the tole ko Romeos to them girls ,who never even knew they existed.. tyo pani personal 'in your face' delivery kya; did his MBA from them khatara Indian school... but then he figured out that instead of working for them so-called multi-nationals.. he could make millions if he got into them 'Jagga deals'.. well the Jagga thing has slowed down now... but he did all right... he has made millions .. ani tyo pani not in Rupees kya!

Okay... just because you are a successful professional or a rich bloke or a pukka academics.. doesn't mean you made it (well... they did.. hola..hehe!) but just because you fail in them SLC exams doesn't mean you are a failure!

Class 10 ko exams ho baba.... You are like 15-16... long way to go buddies and buddi-nies! Class 12 baaki nai cha, undergrad baaki nai cha and then probably masters sasters and if you are still single and ready to mingle then PhDs.... hehe!

Sorry.. just kidding... most of my friends do have them PhDs.... and I am like.. why? Why do you guys make it hard for people like us... hehe!

During them 70s.... they had them 'O' levels stuff in Nepal kya.. but then the Pancheys wanted to do it the 'Nepali' way.... and look where we are now!

We may hate them Desis a lot (for what?) but we could have done our students a favor if we had them 10+2 system long tyam back ni!

La... have to go now.. mero kukur bhai (yes he's my brother... even if he's a dog ... talking about a real dog here ni feri !) ekdamai bhook-dai cha.. need to see if my sister has some fried chicken in them freeze sreeze!

So all our lads and ladies.... if you have failed today... don't worry! I know it's hard... but try again and pass that stupid SLC exams and then go and rule the world!

Even Einstein was really bad at them Swiss SLC jastai exams kya! Well, you might not be another Einstein but who cares.... there will be only one Madonna, Maradona and Mithun da... but you can always be Lady Gaga, Messi or Govinda kya or just be yourself... and watch 'Dead Poets Society' at least twice hai!

My late grandmother used to say, 'Your story may not have such a happy beginning but that doesn't make you who you are, it is the rest of your story, who you choose to be...' .. ye.. sorry that was Kung Fu Panda 2... but you know what I mean...right?

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