Sunday, October 31, 2010

Darling Sujata!

Our darling Sujata Auntie is back in the news again. She was promised the Vice-President ko slot rey yo naya Congress ko Committee ma rey... Yes, we all know how she was also promised the Deputy Prime Minister ko koorchi and then the PM ko seat pani! Well she is the DPM now and who knows... bholi uni nai PM hola ni!

I am still trying to figure out how Sujata can be our Foreign Minister , Deputy Prime Minister and the Official 'Cougar' of Nepal? Yes, you heard it right... she likes them 'young men' rey... Hamro nepal ko 'ali thulo jyan ko' Demi Moore hola jasto cha ni Auntie tuh! Ani bideshi nagarik haroo Nepal ko rajniti player bannuh eligible hoonay rahecha!

Anyways, her current boyfriend is a Marwari Businessmen. Thank God she likes all them dishes, be it German franky ko footer, Marwaari Veggie Combo sandwich or something like that! Well when she got married to a German citizen, she too must have filed for German citizenship ni ... hoinuh ruh?

So how the hell can a German citizen be our foreign minister? I guess nobody bothered to check her citizenship status hola... this is Nepal... where a million Indian Desis got their 'Nepali Nagarikta' few years ago whereas our 'Tharus' are still without any identity papers!

I have nothing against Sujata Auntie. She drinks and swears like a sailor , even though we really don't have a NAVY! I hear she also likes to play with young Boy-Toys rey! Nothing wrong with that... if a 60 year old is having a ziggy-wiggy affair with his 24 year old secretary then why can't our Foreign minister-ni get it on with a 30 year old patrakar... hehehe!

BTW, did you know that Sujata has her own special 'protection' squad and the funny thing is that 20 mundrays (mundra sundra laauney Don haroo!) always hang out at her residence. Now, when our politicans have their own goondas then do you really expect us, the normal people to feel safe?

Our politicans like to talk about 'foreign' hands ... abuh Foreign Minister nai Foreign Citizen bhaye pachi... kasko bau ko kay laagcha! So, Sujata Auntie.. good luck... Hope you will be our Prime-Minister-ni someday and please practice some 'Mata Hari' Diplomacy thing so that we get something from them Chin-India wallah haroo! hehehe!

Sujata for PM! Maybe, she can present an 'item' number @ them UN ko annual 'bhet-ghaat' karyakaram and woo the international community as well! Jai Hos! Sujata Mata Jindaabaad!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

City of Festivals....

They say ... Kathmandu is a city of Festivals rey... and it's not only about them 'Newar' festivals but there are many other festivals happening in the valley every day! We have street festivals, film festivals, chaaka jaams and Nepal Bandh .. also known as 'Political Festivals'...heheh!

I went to this 'Animation Short Film Festival' the other day... organized by the Independent Film Society (IFS) Nepal @ them Nepal Tourism Board ko hall vitra! The last tyam I attended them 'animation fest' was in that 'French Language' sikaa-u-oo-nay thau. Alliancey Francey ho ki kay bhancha ni and that festival was crap!

But I really enjoyed this one. IFS had managed to collect short 'animation' films from all around the world and it was a rare treat for us Kathmandu-baasis to be able to watch them! They also had a couple of local animators and their work and it was interesting to see that our animators haroo pani are doing some great work even though they receive no financial or technical support from neither them government-wallahs nor them business-wallahs!

Majority of them 'animated' shorts were either funded by the local city council, art fund or some government-funding agency of them foreign countries... what can we expect from our government? The only tyam our animators will receive funding is if somebody comes out with a Prachanda ko animated story making him look like a combo of Super-Bat-Spider Man.... and not to forget .. the super-hero who drinks buffalo milk and watches Karishma Manandhar ko movies! Yes... that's Prachanda's two faviraate passt-tyaam rey!

Or if our Raaja-baadis are willing to fund it then our animators can make a short film about the 'House of Shah' ... but I don't know if they would be interested because they are kind of busy rey... trying to forge some kind of a deal with the Mao-Cummies!

JazzMandu is also happening now...there was this 'mandala street festival' a week ago and it's great to see different film festivals organized by them foreign embassies now and then. And all them 'film festivals' are free... no dinero to attend ... which is always good but most of them happen during them weekdays and the crowd is always like 10-15 people!

But this 'Animation' Festival by IFS was rocking, probably 100+ people... I hope IFS does more festival stuff and hope one day they will do better than 'KIMFF' or that 'Jan-Jaati Film Festival' thing ... Both of them are now funded by bideshi-donors and paisa haroo chahi tini haroo ko Director haroo lay loom-kau-chan bhanney soonuh ayeko cha kyaruh!

Support Independent Film Society (Nepal), I think they have a facebook page, website swebsite etiyaadi... and hope one day, there will be a film festival every weekend and them entries will be free and for all!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Pissing for a Rupee!

"As a means to create awareness regarding the value of human urine, Sewa Nepal of Darrechowk-7, Chumlingtar has started paying one rupee each to those who urinate in their toilets."

And who said... we Nepalese aren't creative ...? Sewa Nepal would really have a tough tyam if it were to bring this kind of programs to Kathmandu. Hamro Sahar ma tuh ... you have to pay to pee and tyo pani ... if you have pee-naas (sinus?) then your money is worth it natra bhaney ulto sinus infection hola bhanney durr.. yee Kathmandu ko public restroom haroo use garyo bhaney!

I think this is a very good initiative... and Re 1 is not much these days but I hope the pissers will save enough money to send their kids to school, buy some noon (salt) and saboon (soap).. after all, without salt your food won't taste good and without soap, you won't be alive to taste the salt ni ... haat saboon lay dhoonay garyo bhaney po jhaaada-pakhaala laag-dain-uh kyaruh!

Some people need to go to the restroom even if they drink an ounce of water ... tyesto maanchey haroo lai chahi fai-daa nai hoonay bhayo ni! Hehehe.. and if there is some beer-lover in them village then he would probably make enough dough to buy himself a bottle of beer or two hola!

If you walk around Kathmandu, you will probably see some hoarding board or wall-signs... "XXX number of Nepali people hugging out in the open today' bhaneruh... and no it's not that 'jaadoo ki jhappi' from Munna Bhai movies.. hugging in Nepali means 'defecating' tyo pani out in the open rey... I think we should stick to 'hugging' .. sounds much better and the kuireys will think otherwise as well!

We hear stories about our fellow citizens dying from jhaada-pakhaala in Rukum, Jajarkot and them remote places. Our government ... (we don't have a government... we just have a bunch of assholes) always talks about helping them underprivileged and the poor in them rural areas and every year, the budget is full of them so-called development budgets. And by the end of the year, them dough goes to them political parties and their so-called Jilla Pramukh (district head?) instead of them poor villagers!

I hope Sewa Nepal comes to Kathmandu and does this 'Re 1' program for our politicians as well. We should hand out Re 1 to our leaders, every time they speak the truth instead of 'defecating or talking sheet' out in the open!

Prachanda is busy tying to find ways to demote BabuRam and send him to Rolpa for some vow-tik kaar-wai, RCP (the Congressi Baje) will probably get lucky if he goes to them so-called 'shower dance' bars in the Valley than trying to be a Prime-Monster and our President is busy visiting China and learning how to eat them dumplings with a chopstick kyaruh!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

High School Musical?

Our so-called caretaker government is really doing something ... because they know very well that whatever programs they announce... will never see the light of the day anyway... so Good Job guys... way to go ... hopefully you will go out with a bang ... like declare 'We will be a nuclear power by 3022 AD' or something like that!

The story of the day is that from now onwards, all secondary education in them public schools will be free for all them Nepali citizens rey... until now .. I think it was until the 8th ho ki 5th grade hola!

The government spends billions of Rupees every year ... promising to educate our kids in them rural areas and our donor agencies pump in millions of dollars with their 'reform this' and 'reform that' programs! Well 90% of that dough goes back to their so-called experts who come to Nepal for so-called consultancy work ni!

Have we seen any progress? Hehehe... majority of our government teachers never show up for work in them remote areas but continue to get their paychecks and recently we had a 'Madeshi' Education Minister who managed to make 12.3corore rupees from extorting our public school teachers for better posting and perks rey!

Since majority of our CA members are so-called communists... they should rather plan their visits to Kerala instead of going to China, North Korea, Iran, USA (a combo of both so-called civilized nations and them Axis-of-Evil nations!).

I think I have already talked about 'The Karelas from Kerala' in my previous posts ... so I don't want to bore you with my 'never-ending' goon gaan of the State of Kerala and their communists leaders! The Keralans live as long as them Amrikans and know their 'ABCs' as much as them civilized-nations haroo ko folks rey!

So where did we go wrong? A year ago... there was a scandal... well in Nepal... nobody gives a damn anyways, so I guess ... next tyaam chahi ... it's better if them Ladies throw their sandals at our public figures whenever the media reports about them ghota-la in them public tender-sender stuff!

Anyways, last year ... during them new session, majority of our public school textbooks were published in India because our domestic publishers were not well-equipped or capable to do so rey...

It's such a shame the our government agencies dole out contracts to the Indians and Chinese folks for hefty commissions... but I still can't figure out why the 'Passport' stuff got such huge press when majority of them foreign investors continue to provide 'protection money' to our Maoists for their hydro-sydro and major construction projects! I guess only Sujata Auntie was getting a love-bite from Rakesh Sood... next tyam Sood should also do some french-kissing with our 'Top 3' leaders ni!

Yestai nihoo nai khojnay ho bhaney tuh then we should also refuse any Indian Aid ... be it that 'new' trauma center near Bir Hospital or them buses, and amublances and drinking water supplies and other stuff! But our leaders are beggars and we should thank them for turning us, hardworking folks into 'garib citizens of a garib rastra' in them eyes of the international community!

And now, Prachanda, the Joongay Maharaj (current Janga Bahadur of Nepal) comes back from China and says 'We need both China and India to come together to discuss Nepal in front of our leaders rey'..... hahaha, are you kidding me?

Let's get back to the school stuff ... we can always talk about Prachanda and his 'hawa guff' any other time... Nepal ma fursat nai fursat!

Hope our kids will indeed get free secondary education and our public school teachers will be there in them villages to teach them well. Hope our Ministry of Education works for the education instead of only issuing 'No Objection Letters' to our foreign-bound students.

I think the best option is to bring all Keralans to Nepal and send them to them 4,000 villages and bring another kranti in the education sector. Really? You might be too young to recall, but during our fathers' days... all them high school teachers in Nepal used to be Bengalis and Keralans rey... Go ask Babu Ram as well. Usko paalo ma pani sabai Desi teacher haroo lay nai Nepal aye-ruh padaako thiyo kyaruh!

And about our Nepali public school teachers? They can continue to get involved in politics and do some sun-bathing and eat oranges and peanuts and get the 'sarkaari' bhatta... just lazing around! Abuh Jaado ayo ni... aroo kay nai kaam cha ruh ... suntala khaaney, ghaam taapney ni!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Remembering Agni Crash Victims!

The Lukla-bound AG-101 crashed on August 24, 2010 at Shikharpur, Makawanpur, 19.5 aeronautical miles (35 kilometers) south of Kathmandu while it was diverting back to Kathmandu due to bad weather in Lukla.

Captain Lucky Shah was one of the most experienced pilot in the domestic airline industry. Air Hostess, Sarah Sherpa had left her job at Yeti Airlines and joined Agni... it was her first flight for Agni! There were tourists visiting the Lukla region and other Nepali entrepreneurs and tourist guides as well!

And today, our dailies report that the accident was due to failure of both generators rey! In Nepal, when a domestic plane crashes, the media and them Civil Aviation folks blame the pilots and the weather. Yes, we know that the weather is pretty rough in them mountains but our pilots have the experience to fly our planes anywhere in Nepal.

Our media and the government folks never blame the maintenance crew or the station manager at them remote places! Buddha has the best crew in town and then Yeti comes second and what about the rest of them? Agni has them old planes and Guna bought all them 'old' ones from Buddha!

Talking about them station managers, there is $$$ to be made when it comes to them rural areas. Thanks to our leaders, our hilly regions are still way behind when it comes to them infrastructure stuff. The only roads we see... probably the ones leading to some MP's house in some gau ... hola!

So most of them goods need to be transported via air and that's where them station managers make them moolah! The media never reports about how station managers load more cargo than allowed and some of the crashes have occurred due to the plane not being able to maintain the speed for take-off or something like that!

Well, some of you might say ... 'When it's your time to go, then you gotta go' but to lose your loved ones due to the failure of the maintenance crew or the civil aviation folks (them air traffic nautankis) ... is something that could have been avoided!

I usually fly Buddha or Yeti but have tried Agni few times as well. Flying to Pokhara or Bhairahawa is like playing Ludo and sipping milk-chai for our pilots. I have no idea what that meant but ... it's like a piece of cake for them rey.... but flying to them hilly regions requires ... a little more concentration than usual ... rey!

Anyways, our love and prayers to all them Agni Air Crash vicitms and their families.... and hope one day we will have better people managing the Civil Aviation body and have more competent folks who do them maintenance stuff and more professional station managers at them airports!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

What's in a Caste?

According to our daily papers, them young folks find 'caste system' degrading, disgusting and dividing rey! What's in a caste? ... u might ask and the answer is everything!

Yes, it's good news that them 'middle-class' folks...we are seeing a lot of inter-caste marriages but Nepal ko population ko kura garda... it's like 0.1% out of them 30 million beer-gorkhalis! (pronounced 'bir' and not 'beer').

When it comes to them recent medical school graduates, the percentage chahi increases to like 99% hola. According to informants of the KGB (Kukhurachor Guptachar Bivag), there were 1,032 weddings between them MBBS-wallahs last year... Kathmandu maa! And 999 of them were between 'x' and 'y' jaat rey!

Our so-called government came up with some 'bonus money' last year for them 'inter-caste' or marry a 'sano-jaat' and get some dough ... crazy scheme. Then they followed it up with 'Marry a Widow' and get Rs 1 lakh bumper upahaar. Now that's more disgusting and degrading and shows that our leaders are bunch of jackasses! BTW, heard Jackass 3D is out ... better watch it!

In the villages, we hear of them 'untouchables' being thrown out of the community because one of their sons' decided to hook up with the Jamindaar's daughter! It's like them 80s ko Hindi movies!

The Maoists were busy destroying temples and declaring 'no caste' zones... jataa ta-taai.. and now we have Prachanda showing his man-love to Ram Dev Baba and other Indian Swamis and wearing rato tikka and what not! If the Maoists are really communists then we should be having a Roll. No# (like our school days) instead of them 'caste' names hoinuh ruh?

Yes, majority of us are Hindus but I still haven't found any Holy books requesting the 'thulo jaats' to kick the 'sano jaats' in the arse everytime they visit a temple, drink from the public dhoongay-dhaara or elope with 'khaandaani' haroo ko choris!

Our own people (so-called sano jaats) are second-class citizens in their own country. Just saying 'I feel bad.. I find it disgusting' is not really going to change anything! So for them... my only advice is to apply for the DV lottery and if you win and then get selected, pack everything up and move to Amrika!

If Eddie Murphy can find his bride (Coming to Amrika... feelim ma) then so can you. I mean... yo desh lay timi lai kahiley pani afno bhanney chaina! Amrikano' foreign policies are pretty @#$!ed up but once you are inside... it is probably the only country in the world where you can really do it... get a second change (or chance!) and make something out of yourself ... if you really really work hard!

I still remember when I attended a tea party when I was a teenager... tyeti bela euta MP thiyo... Golay Sarki or something. The guy was in the news for slapping some Congressi-wallahs! Sarki even went on to become a Minister but he never got the respect he deserved... some people even refused to drink tea because he came from a 'Sano Jaat' rey! RIP Golay...sorry Golche... just remembered now!

According to our sources, the Iraqi guy who threw them shoes at Bush was inspired by Mr. Sarki rey!

BTW, the guy who got bitch-slapped by Golche is now trying to become the Prime-Monster for the 13th tyam kyaruh.. hahah Ram Chandra Poudel should be castrated for making us look bad! What do you say?

If Bill Clinton was born in Nepal then he would never have met Monica Lewinsky... bhannuh khojay ko kay bhaney... Bill (Ballu) would be always reminded that he didn't have a father and would be farmer or a goat-herder instead... even if he attended a high school in Gorkha and got Board First and then went to Delhi for his PhD ... he would be a 'sano manchey'.

But if BabuRam (Yes.. Hisila didi ko buda) never went to school and became a farmer... he would still be a 'Thulo manchey' because he belongs to the 'Priestly Class'...

Yestai ho.... so what do we do? It has to start from the more witch-hunting, no more 'caste-killings'... no more 'thugging' of the janjaatis ... by the jamindaars or the 'thulo castes' ... The Maoists could have done it by now... but I guess they will never do it ..... remember when the Mao-aalibaans (Nepali Talibaans) used to thrash them villagers for getting drunk or running away with the other guy's wives...

Well, Prakash Dahal is usually drunk in them 5-star hotels and he left his poor wife for somebody else ... but I guess different rules for different people. One of their own can murder, loot, rape, shoot ... as long as they swear allegiance to Mao's Chinese dumplings!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Robot... Knockout(s)... Crook!

Yesterday was Desi Movie night for me... down with ahiley ko season ko roogha khoki... rest sest garnoo bhanthyo daaktaar lay taruh feelim seelim harenuh thaaley pachi chahi all-nighter nai hooncha kyarh!

First, let's talk about 'Crook' ... The Bhatts are very good at copying from everywhere.... be it Arabic music, Holywood movies or French Magazines and the final product is always 'babaal' ...

The secret to success for a Bhatt production is catchy tunes, the 'It' Girl and of course, our serious... serial-kisser, Emraan Hasmi aka Kismi aka Chumban-wallah!

The Hero-ni has lips ... even Angelina Jolie would die for and I think she is probably going to get some rhinoplasty in the near future. Malai tuh kay farak parcha ruh... afoo lay kahiley bhetnuh chaance pau-ney hoina kyaruh Ms. Neha Sharma lai?

If I had known Bihari Girls were hwaatt ... I would have attended the University of Bihar ni... and btw Rhinoplasty bhaneko (Greek: Rhinos, "Nose" + Plassein, "to shape") so nothing to do with Rhinos ni feri! Don't get any wrong ideas here...hehehe!

Crook is a usual 'Bhatt' formula movie... ramailo geet haroo, BMC masala-mix and euta Firangi keti and her booty stuff and what not. Simos Sunwar should learn a thing or two when he tries his tricks at 'Mission Paisa -2' in the near future! Hope Rekha Thapa Films Pvt. Ltd will learn a thing or two from them as well!

And now let's talk about another movie... 'KnockOut' starring Sanju Baba, the former 'Bhatt' camp ko 'It' Girl.. Ms. Kangana and Mr. Irrfan Khan! This is one of the biggest movie of the year .... not in terms of box-office or story-hory wise.. it will win the 'Biggest Bakwaas' award of the year. FilmFare lay na-diye-pani.. muh nai Muncha House ma gayeruh euta big-ass Cup kineruh Mumbai ma FedEx gardim-laaa!

When you take a Hollywood movie (Phone Booth) and mix it with jay-paye-tyehi masala ... you end up with .. CRAP! And what was Ms. Kangana on? Is she taking too much Valium or Oxycontin? But she is hot ni... and Irrfan Khan always delivers and Sanju Baba should do either Thaneeydaar-2 or Khalnayak-2 or Saajan-2 if he wants to get his old arse back in the game.

But Sanju Baba will always be our 'man' ... twins baw-cha rey buda ko budeshkaal ma.. congrats and Good luck! No more playing with AK-57 la dai!

And now let's move to the final movie of the night: Robot!!! Bhagwaan Rajni-sh is the 'GOD' ... the one and only .... and the 'Khans' can kiss his arse! hehehe! Robot ko movie review tuh chootai lekhchoo ek-dui din ma taruh ... Robot is the biggest and the best masala-mix movie of the year.

A.R. Ray-man Dai is always rocking...ani tyo Tamil-2-Hindi conversion die-log is babaal... and don't forget Rajni dai's attitude, logga-laga-eeing , his dance moves and never liked Aishwarya before.. but now I understand why Vivek Oberoi is still sulking, Salmaan Khan is still whining and Abhisekh is still drooling!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Looting in da Valley!

Our @#$!ing Home Ministry is gloating like 'Billy the Goat' .... Yes paali ko Dashain ma kunai pani thau ma Bus-Robbery bhaye-nuh rey! Good job guys! Hey, at least ramro kaam lai tuh Sya-baashi dinai paryo ni, hoina ruh?

But I guess... all them bus-dacoits have turned kidnappers and child rapists... hola ... as the news from the Terai ... is only about child-kidnapping and rape/murder etiyaadi etiyaadi! According to our sources, there are more than 150 armed outfits and nearly all of them enjoy some kind of political protection rey!

Not all cops are bad... like saying not all them 'Catholic' priests are child molesters... but even if one padre likes to play with the boys then it does tarnish the image of the Catholic Church.... hoonuh the Vatican ko image kahiley nai khaas raamro thiyo ruh? My prayers to all them Catholic priests in Latin America who fought for the poor , got shot in the head by then military juntas and the Pope-ye instead excommunicated them for advocating liberation theology!

Abuh hamro cops ko baarey ma kura garda... chahi .... let me share a story about Janakpur. There were two 'most wanted' criminals... Mr. Tyagi and arko ko naam chahi 'Manoj Bajpai' rakhooo nuh! Tyagi was a guy who did his Masters in Science Wience... came from a hardworking family. He was responsible for more than 100 extortion and kidnapping stuff before he was shot dead by the Police! The other Bajpai was murdered by his own village fellows with the help of the Police!

Nepal Police did their job but the financial resources to pay off the informants and other local goondas came not from the Home Ministry but from local businessmen and when these two criminals were killed, there was a big fest in Janakpur , once again funded by the local businessmen!

The only job our Home Ministry gets done is transferring competent police officers to Siberia and promoting incompetent , corrupt officers to 'paisa-kamau' places! Did you know that to be the IGP of Nepal, the minimum bid to the 'whoever is the' Home Minister is Rs 7 corores? Wow.. a million dollars for the top job!

No, I am not saying that the current IGP got his job following the tender-sender way... but if a Inspector at Sorakhutte or Durbarmarg needs to pay off his superiors at least Rs 10 lakhs to get the posting (for six months) then how do we expect our Nepal Police to provide security for the aaam-jantas?

The funny thing happened ... few months ago! A band of brothers (I mean criminals) decided to rob a house in Budhalinkantha! And the lucky winner of the day (night) happened to be a DIG! The Deputy Inspector General of Police ko ghar ma nai chori... hahahah! And after packing all the valuables.. the robbers apologized to the Officer and his family ... " Kay Garney Sir... hamro tuh kaam nai yestai ho"...

Abuh Police ko ghar ma tuh chori hooncha bhaney ani timro hamro ghar ma tuh jhan kay kay maatra hoonay ho?

I think the best option for all the Moms and Dads who are alone here in Kathmandu... while all them kids are studying, working, loitering abroad... is to have a TASER.... I hope or or gets this as a 'Christmas Gift'... .ani aye hooncha ni Chornuh... Saaley bhaatey haroo lai TASER ka TASER lay shock fhock maardey hooncha..heheh!

Lau tuh... chor will be chor .. so looting will continue but now it's up to us if we want to do some booting or maybe shooting .... even a prop gun (blank fire wallah) will do to scare the @#$! out of these loot-era-ass! Jai Hos!

Warning: If you are under satra barsa then the song of the day is a little bit too much for volume chahi ali down gareruh soon-noo la..heheh!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Shut the @#$! up!

Concerned over the growing trend of spreading malice through insulting sketches and cartoons of the country´s leaders and other public figures in recent months, the Home Ministry has warned of legal action against those involved in broadcasting and transmitting material that violate ´public decency and courtesy´ through internet media including social network sites like Facebook and Twitter.

First of all, our Home Minister... Mr. Bhimay Rawan (Bhim Rawal) should resign ... like right now! Stupid ass.... the news last week is all about young innocent kids raped and murdered and our Home Ministry is busy telling us what to write or say or print... khoob kaam payecha yee Rawan haroo ka chamcha haroo lay!

1990 ma so-called Democracy .. and 2010 ahiley... so-called Republic ma... and I guess our so-called democratic leaders have forgotten that... 'Freedom of Speech' is indeed one of the tenets of a Democracy! Abuh khoi kay bhanney..yee mora haroo neta haroo lay kahiley Aristotle ruh Plato Slato padeko bhaye-po ...sabai tee Desi book shop ko paannaa chya-tteey-ko ki communist ki socialist kitaab maatra padey kyaruh yee gadhaa haroo lay!

And what the @#$! does violate 'public decency and courtesy' mean? Once you are a public figure .. you are an open target but we have been lucky so far, unlike our SAARC (pronounced 'shark') counterparts, we have not seen any political assassinations in our country!

Why is that? No, I am not saying 'let's do a Range-de-basanti' nataak (vitra vitra tuh bhaye hoonthyo bahnney tuh cha-dai-cha ni!) ... but maybe because our so-called political leaders are always happy to help each other with our taxpayers' money that nobody has bothered to blow each other heads' off ....

Let's talk about Sharad Singh Bhandari and Deepak Bohra. If these folks happen to be your Dad, Uncle, brother...then my apology for talking sheet about them but you must understand that once you are some kind of a public figure... you have to take it!

Naturally, once is not enough... I mean our leaders are busy taking it up their @#$! from our Desi and Chinese foreign hands but why can't they take any sheet from us? I guess we only have gaalis, cartoons and stupid articles to write about and we offer no moolah for them to have fun with!

Deepak Bohara, a die-hard panchey and also ek-jawana ko Bhairahawa (still is) ko dada... He is currently the 'Forest Minister' of Nepal. Now, it's like giving the Chor the keys and free reign to loot the candy shop!

And recently, he was visiting the local forest offices and one of the low-level staff had the courage to say 'Mr. Minister, you are the most corrupt leader I have ever seen in my life time' and what did our Minister do? He thanked the person and then just got the hell out of there! Tyo peon-baje chahi Maobadi parecha kyaruh!

Deepak Bohara has investments in banks, hospitals and what not and he is not the only one! When we have criminals as our ministers then what more can we expect?

Talking about Sharad Singh Bhandari, the current 'Tourism' Minister, former Congressi, former Patan Campus ko Dada and currently, one of the so-called 'Madeshi' leader... is busy cutting deals right and left. His so-called bodyguard ... Mr. Min Kishnay (from Thecho), the local Don in Lalitpur is currently a member of the Nepal Sports Council. Hehehe... If we look at our politicians and their chamchas then we begin to feel sorry for Milan Chakre and Deepak Don!

Our politicians are the real gangsters and our so-called Dons as highlighted by the Nepal Police are mere chamchas or foot soliders in this big game of conspiracy to @#$! the country upside-down! When will we learn? Never... The Maoists really came out with their 'Shock & Awe' and so-called 'mission' has not and will never be accomplished ... when they themselves are busy welcoming all the criminal elements to their YCL fold!

Lau tuh... abuh Nepal ma Taalibani rajya sooroo bhaako jasto cha. Hami saa-dhu-run janta lay yee mora netaa haroo lai gaali garnuh pani na-pau-ney rey.. cartoon sartoon pani kor-nuh na-pauney... ani ghanta khaanuh yo democracy, republic natak hami lai kinuh dekhai raheko .... Siddhai 'Rana Saashun' nai lagoo garya hooncha baroo Dhir Shumsher ko 17 chora bhanda yee 17 wata 'Priestly Class' ka netas haroo like Makune, Prachandey, BRB, Deuba.. can all take this nation and tear it into 17 different kingdoms and declare themselves Shee Aaaath Maharajas ni!

I am offering a Rs 10,000.00 (cash or in-kind heheh!) to anyone who will send me a cartoon of 'Bhim Rawal' naked getting @#$!ed by the Chinese (remember how our Police treat them Tibetans) and then giving a blow-job to the Indians (Desi gangsters come to KTM and kill a Nepali citizen and nobody cares!). Please send your cartoon to

And sorry for the indecent cartoon ko idea ko laagi ..... Home Ministry sanguh tuh Takkar linai paryo ni .. abuh tuh!

If you find today's guff offensive and a threat to national security then please email them Home Ministry Wallahs :

The ministry has asked one and all to provide information relating to such crime, through e-mail or written notification. According to the press statement, those wanting to provide information of such crimes through e-mail can reach regulatory authorities at or or or or .

Friday, October 22, 2010

The Gurkhas are (not) going!

The British are having a tough time rey.... yeta oota sabai thau ma budget cuts.... and what did you expect from two young brats from them Conservative ruh Liberal nautanki haroo batuh... it's like a combo between Rush Limbaugh and Ralph Nader (amirki-style!)

Ani the 'Brigade of Gurkhas' pani kaatney kura thiyo... tyo chahi ahiley ko laagi naw-gur-nay bhaa-cha!

Instead of the British... if the Amrikanos had made a deal with the House of Ranas then our young men would now be serving in the United States Army.

And instead of bhig-maagney pension and no benefits, our young men would have become Amriki nagarik, free medical benefits and free college tuition and stuff (Yes... it's good to be American GIs).... but the British just used our young blood to save theirs and then sent them back home when they were not needed!

If we look at all the problems in them world today... it's all because of them British gora-daaka haroo! Be it Iraq, Afghanistan, Israel, India-Pak stuff... everything is somehow related to what the British did 50-100 years ago!

So it is time to scrap that so-called tri-party treaty with the Desis and the Desi-ko-Maaliks! Yes, our young men in the villages don't have any opportunities here in Nepal.

They have their strength and courage to sell and the only place available is in them militaries around the world. And instead of them Indian, British and Singaporean security forces... we should now look to the West!

Well, if you have a Phd in Peace ho ki Conflict Resolution, building naatak (ahiley ko 'buzz' word) then you get a job at them Asia Foundation or WB or UN or wherever the little green men hang out ... taruh Gau ma hurkay-ko jawaan lay tyo kaam tuh pau-daina hola ni?

So send our young men to the United States of America. The Americans will treat them right (better than what the British have offered them for the last 100+ years!) ... our young men will be heroes and will be learning the BBQ techniques and getting all them ladies during them 'July 4th' Parade... instead of hanging out with bunch of hooligans in them UK slums!

And they will get that 'Blue Passport' ... and all them benefits but the most important thing is that they will get the 'RESPECT' they deserve! Americans are good @ that ... Indians haroo pani kum chaina hai tyes ma chahi. Indian Army ko Nepali jawaan haroo get better care than the Nepali or the British Army ko retired folks haroo bhanda!

There was a talk back when Saddam was still sipping 'French Wine' and sleeping with 'Bob Dole and aroo Republicans' ... about UN having some kind of a 'rapid-reaction' force! And the 'Gurkhas' were the talk of the town then but I don't know why it never materialized... but that can be another option as well!

Instead of our young men digging ditches for them drunk Arabs or guarding them Desi homes... they can all join the UN Rapid-Reaction Force , make some moolah, tour the world or in more diplomatic terms ma chahi 'be the Peacekeepers of the World' ...

I hate them British (maybe because Liverpool is getting @#$! in the ass right now!)... especially ahiley ko tyo DFID aka UKAID natak! UKAID tuh 100 barsa agaadi dekhi nai aunoo parney hoina ruh... balla kay ek dui pence faalyo Nepal lai ... kya shaan kay saalaa gora haroo ko!

Or if nothing works out then... the world must unite and recruit all the Gurkhas it can get and then what do we do? We invade the @#$!ing British Empire! Sansaar ko geography ruh politics nai barbaad garney doshi haroo lai kaar-wai garnai parcha! Ho ho ho! (I am sounding either like a Santa Claus or calling someone a 'Ho'?) Ho ruh? Ma nai confused!

Anyways... so let us all band together... and invade England and then we divide the country... Nepal ko bhaag ma kehi nabhayepani 10-20 ropani jagga tuh parlaan ni.. Ani hamro UK Ambassador ali buddhi-maani rahechan bhaney chahi... please Your Excellency, just @#$!ing plant our Nepali Flag tyehi Embassy wari pari ko jagga ma ... heard them were 'prime' real-estate spot rey!

Ki chahi... hamro desh ma jasto kasai ko na-bhaa-ko apuh-haw-run-kaari haroo lai tyo Bajiya 'Duke of Westminster' lai nai kidnap garney ho.... mora ko 7 billion ko property lay hamro Foreign Debt pani tirnuh pugcha ruh baaki bhayeko pasia lay baroo NAC lai 10-20 naya Plane Slane kinayruh... yo Visit Nepal 2011 lai success paarooom nuh!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Right Age to Marry?

The Nepalese parliament is reportedly considering a bill to raise the legal age of marriage from 18 to 20, which officials say would help improve maternal health.

Nepal ma tuh kaanoon, nee-yum haroo babaal chan... 1990 ko constitution tuh jhun world ko best rey... kasley jitney haami Nepali haroo lai guff maarnuh maa!

Taruh kay garney jay kanoon bana-ye pani tyo lagoo hoonay hoina kyaruh? Janga Bahadur Dai lay Boksi-soksi natak hatta-ye-ko pani joog bhayee-sakyo ... ani asti bhakkar Lalitpur kai gau ma (yes we have them remote places jaha bato ghato, paani saani chaina ... yehi Lalitpur maa pani) euta naari lai boksi ko aa-roap lagayeruh tyo gau ko school ko prinicipal-ni lay goo-moot khoo-auno bhayo rey!

Madesh tiruh tuh 50 barsa ko budo bhaisi lay 12 barsa ko baccha lai ajhai pani shaadi-waadi gardai chan! Baroo Maobadi ko saatto Talibaan haroo lay revolution garya bhaye chahi kehi changes haroo authey hola ni! Heheh.. ani hami sabai turban ruh daari paalney ani feri nari haroo sabi burkha ma hoonthyo... not good!

What is the right age to marry? Well, Nepal ko law anoosar chahi 18 barsey ho rey.... mero bichar ma chahi 25+ nai raakhey hoocha!

In remote and less developed areas, women often marry younger than this age and become pregnant before they are fully sexually mature, leading to a higher risk of complications and death during childbirth.

Tyes karan... 25 barsa napugey samma biha garney lai chaak ma 12 wata korraa (Singaporean-style) ani rookh maa baaney-ruh Youtube ma live prasa-run (Yo chahi Reality-TV-style hola)!

Maobaadi lay khoob 'People's War' bhanndai guff maryo... gau ghar ma kehi changes ayeko chaina! Baroo ulto so-called development budget batuh hamra Maobadi ruh aroo party haroo mileruh bhaag-banda garchan ani gauley haroo chahi ... jhaada-pakhaala lay mari raheka chan!

Yestai taal lay tuh yeeni haroo lay Rolpa lai Kathmandu tuh hoinuh... baroo Kathmandu lai chahi Rolpa Dolpa jastai banauney bichar holan ni!

Ajhai pani gau-ghar ma .. so-called 'upper castes' = 'priestly and warrior castes' haroo lay the 'shoemakers, butchers, cobblers ruh tailors' caste haroo lai pay-lee-rakheho cha! Dhaara ko paani piyeruh jyan ghoomaun-chan! Mandir vitra chirnuh di-dai-nun etiyadi etiyadi!

I think the Maoists should go back to the villages and instead of burning them temples and government buildings and telecom towers and bridges.... why not start your own brand of 'Nepal' right there ni!

Bhatkaun-uh tuh sajilo cha ni babu... abuh tyehi uni haroo lay bhat-ka-ye-ko pool sool banayeruh dekhau nuh hami lai?

I am already 30+ .... (is the new 20 rey!) ... When I was 18 ... I thought I would die when I was 24 ... (too much James Dean influence even though I look like Johnny Lever!)

So I never thought of this 'marriage' thing... then I was still alive and rocking at 25... so I thought... okay, let me settle down when I am 30... then 30 paar bhayo.. ani ahiley chahi..

I am still trying to figure out what to do with my life... afno identity , life goals haroo patta lau-dai choo kyaruh! So... I guess the right age to marry is when you have defined your life goals and needs ... you are indepedent and have finally grown into yourselves... then you are ready for the shaadi-waadi!

Abuh tyo u-mare kahiley ho bhanney chahi ... hamro TU ko psychology ya sociology professor haroo lai gayeruh sodhnoos hai!

Lau tuh... abuh bistaa-rai wedding season pani soo-ru hooncha.... yes paali feri dherai nai RSVP garnoo parcha... kinuh bhaney feri auntie haroo lay ... 'mero chori ko tuh chora bhayee-sakyo timi chahi kay ho?' die-log haroo marey-ruh hai-raan!

p.s. To all the girls I loved before... sabai janaah shaadi-suda ... thanks .. muh sanguh biha bhayeko bhaye jhan doo-khha pauney rahecha... I have nothing except my guffs...hehehe!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The 'Big One' is coming...rey!

Did you feel that 'small' one? No I am not talking about Dr. Ruth Westheimer ko prabhachan.. heheh! Asti Soam-baar bihanuh 4.9 ko bhoo-ee-chaalo ayo rey .. kata ho Tibet maa ani Kathmandu ko 5million baasi haroo maa sirf 5 jaanaa lay matra thaha payo rey! Abuh yee 5 jaanaa lai yo barsa ko Madan Puraskar diye hooncha!

Oops... I get confused... pahila po 'Gorkha Dakshin Bahu' and so-called Royal Medals haroo hoonthyo... aaj kul chahi Medal ko saato tyehi bato ghato ko tender sender, sarkaari saamaan ko tender fender paucha ... ani Madan Puraskar ko kura ma chahi....

Pahila ko jawana ma khatara bhooka-writer lay lekheko kitaab haroo lay prize pauthyo aaja kaal (with due respect to) Narayan Dai ko so-called 'khatara marketing bhayeko' kitaab lay jitchan!

Jawana nai ulto pulto cha kyaruh! Jay Hos.. back to the topic of the day! The last tyam we got hit with a 'Big One' was back when Juddha Shumsher (aka Jude Dai!) was drinking French wine and tasting the 36 jaat ko beauties! And the next one is coming .... taruh kahiley auney ho tyo chahi kasai lai pani thaha chaina!

Let's compare tyo Haiti ko Earthquake ruh Chile ko kahani! Haiti tuh dhoas-tuh bhayo ni taruh Chile ma chahi see-reef ek dui wata crack srack! Abuh Haiti maa chahi ali samoondra bhayeruh eta oota Aid Said lyau-nuh sajilo bhayo. Kathmandu ma chahi Bhoo-ee-chalo ayo bhaney... hami sabai chahi siddhai Yamalok pugchau ni!

Are we ready? Not... thula thula building haroo baneka chan taruh 99% lay jay guff diye pani .. according to our sources from KGB (kukhurachor guptachar bivag)... yee sabai building haroo chahi dhulo-pito nai hoonchan rey.. Ani .. first ma jaaney chahi tyo United World Center, so-called 'A' class theke-daar lay banayeko building.

If you are into big-time gambling, then I am taking bets for 'katti chaado ruh katti samma bhatkinchan yee building haroo' . Taruh if you are not alive when the 'big one' comes rocking then the dough is mine. Abuh ma pani gayo bhaney tuh... koon chahi bhagya-maani ho , tyes-lay nai pauney bhaw-yo ni!

So-called NGOs, INGOs haroo lay khoob 'Be Prepared' training sanchalan gari raheko chan rey taruh khoi mero tole ma tuh kohi pani ayeko chaina... sayed TV CV ma matra auney kaam garcha hola yee-ni haroo!

Uni haroo ko guff anoosar, euta paani ko bottle, euta see-rock, euta torch-light, wai-wai swai-wai, ek poka bhuteko chiura, ek pau Bandel ko massoo...sabai euta bag ma raakhney rey ani Bhoo-eee-Chalo aye pachi bhaag-daa kheri tyo bag bokeruh koodnay rey!

Aaayeee... hami camping jaanuh lageko ho ki kya ho? Heheh... taruh sabai bhanda badi paisa pauney chahi tyo NSET bhanney NGO (USAID funded) ho... tyeha chahi masti cha tyeha ko employee haroo lai. Baroo tini haroo ko building katti chaado bhatkincha bhaneruh chahi bet rakhnoo paryo!

Nothing against NGO-wallahs. I love you guys... conference sonference, every week 5-star hotel maa cocktail dinner ... hahaha.. Moj garnoo hos ruh Nepal ma kahiley pani stability, peace seace, desh banney kaam na-hos bhanney prathana garnoo parcha yeeni haroo lay!

Kinuh? Feri bholi Lee Kwan Yee jastai Bahula paida bhayeruh Desh Sesh Banai halyo bhaney ani yee NGO, INGO wallah haroo beroj-gaar bhaye-nuh tuh? Lau tuh... bhoo-eee-chaalo ko kura na-gaw-re-ruh kina feri NGO-wallah haroo ko tauko samaatnuh gaako hola!

When the 'Big One' arrives... may your house be standing, may you be safe and sound ... and may Goddess Durga take all our netas, sarkaari hakims ruh bhaat-maarra haroo with her as she slays some Demon somewhere!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

What Gere wants ... we give naa!

Richard Gere-ji lay bhan-noo bhayo ki ... he looked for hygiene and security during his trips to Nepal rey! Ani tyes karan hola hamro so-called caretaker PM Makune bhaatey mask ruh jhaarooo bokay-ruh Basantapur tira dau-dey ko asti nai!

Abuh aajuh kura garoom tuh so-called 'hygiene and security' ko baarey maa! First of all, KTM ma bhanda baroo gau tira ko paani badi safaa ruh less-dhul-sanguh misawot cha kina bhaney gau tira dhul shul hoodainuh kyaruh! Arko kura KTM ma pauney so-called 'bottled water' pani sankas-pud chan kyaruh!

Abuh Kuire haroo Nepal ma au-nay bitti-kai Salad Falad khanuh laagyo bhaney chahi siddhai Bathroom tira (1 bok-sa toilet paper liyeruh basey hooncha!).... hoonuh tuh aaj kal dherai restooraa haroo lay 'iodine' ma soak garey-ruh raakchan rey ... hariyo saag sabji!

Tyes Karan... hamra desh ma auney Tourists haroo should only eat the 'Chinese way'.... siddhai taato paani umaalney, taato chiya piu-nay, sabai khaana ki tuh boiled-and-not-soiled khaaney... tyo Chiniya haroo ko 'hot-pot' style nai besh!

Security ko kura ma chahi. The Kuireys should not worry a bit. All them UN, UNMIN , WorldBank kuires are having the best time of their lives kyaruh! Yeha tuh paisa bachauney ani afno desh ma guh-ye-ruh tyeha chahi ghar banau-ney ho ni!

Ani Hami kaha Afghanistan, Iraq ma jasto UN ko gaadi padkauney, UN ko building udaa-uney kaam garchau ruh?

Kuirey haroo tuh hamro Bhagwan Sagwan bhanda pani thula manchey hoon yeha! Nepal ma dui-ta plate wallah gaadi lai choot cha kyaruh! Euta tuh tyo 'nilo plate' wallah ani arko chahi 'Hariyo plate' - tourist bus haroo!

Andolan hos ki Chakka Jaam ki fight-sight, yee duita gaadi haroo lai chahi 'no touching' taruh hamro baccha haroo ko school bus chahi hami juh-lau-nuh baaki raakhdai nau!

So, Mr. Gere... when u r done hanging out with His Holiness Dalai Lama or kissing Shilpa Shetty ... then do hang around @ Mrs. Ambica Shrestha's hotel.... tyeha chahi baroo bathroom pani, saag sabji pani.. sabai iodine-siodine lay dhoonay hola ni!

Ani Security ko kura ma chahi... the only security you need is from them so-called 'Nepal ko happening' crowd ko budi, mistress ruh girlfriend haroo batuh. Eklai payo bhaney tapai lai pani molest-solest garday la ... so do wear them 'male chastity belt' when u r in town! Heheh!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Desi Milk now... Desi PM Later!

Yo hafta ko taajaa khabar chahi : DDC (Dairy Development Corporation) and other Private Dairy-wallah haroos are planning to import 'Desi Milk' from India? Why? You don't have to be surprised... that's how our 'Nepali' economy works!

Haamraa byapaari haroo export Rs 5billion ko daal-chaamul to India ani haami chahi India ko sasto dhoosi pareko daal-chaamul kharid gareruh Nepali jantaa lai bech-nay garchau!

Abuh yes doodh ko bee-saw-ye ma chahi... hami lai chahi-nay din ko 150,000 ltrs rey... ani hami sanguh chahi jamma 100,000... abuh baaki chahi India batuh aucha... harek din Rs 1.5 million chhai Desi bhai lay pau-nay bhayo.

Lau abuh... jo jasley Math ma Masters Sasters Degree liyeka chan uni haroo lay nai hisab garoon kati paisa hamro jaaney bhayo bha-nay-ruh!

All our 'Buff' lovers... (talking about them 'Raaga ko masoo lovers' and not 'Nudist Colony' explorers haroo!) please be aware that 99% of all them Raagas from India. Khasi ko pani taal tyestai cha... Kukhura ko kura gardaa chahi aaj kaal sabai jaana 'Poultry farmer' bhaachan Nepal ma!

Abuh sabai saaboon, noon , matti-tel nai India batuh aucha ani kay dhoti soti bhaneruh haamra Nepali haroo tyam waste garri-raako bhanya!

Abuh Janta lai kay ko dosh... Neta chor haroo nai sabai kehi parey ki India ma gaye-ruh looknay ani uni haroo kai sukkha-roti khaaney ani power ma aye-pachi chahi feri tyehi 'Dhoti' lay interfere garyo bhaney-ruh gaali garney!

Abuh Nepal ma 'milk shortage' bhayeko lay... Desi Milk ahh-woo-ney bhayo! Baroo yeso bela bhakat ma 'Raakhi Sawant' pani aye hoonthyo ni ... 'Item Dance' garnuh ... baroo DDC ko doodh pani badi bikri hoonthyo ki?

Aajuh Desi Doodh ayo... Desi Raaj-doot tuh pahila dekhi nai 'Hero' ho Nepali Politics ma .. ani joon pani party palace ma biha-bartamun-bhoj shoj khaanuh jau... #1 geet nai 'Desi gal' ...yestai taal ho bhaney chahi kunai din... Delhi batuh Nepal ko laagi bhaney-ruh 'Desi PM' pani aucha ki?

Sunday, October 17, 2010

His Excellency ... Mike Tyson!

Twenty five years ago, when I was a little boy... Mike Tyson was my hero! Tyes pachi tuh bajiya lay kay kay garyo garyo...moro! Choop Chaap aroo lai pit-nay kaam paako bela ma kinuh gayeruh euta naari lai jabar-jasti garnoo parney? Ani Jail Sail... tyes pachi tuh uslai pani goad-ney boxer haroo aa-woo-nuh thaali halyo ni!

Ani last ma tuh gayeruh... bajiya lay tyo Holyfield Dai ko kaan kinuh chapaa-u-noo parney? Well, Tyson is back in the news again! Once... the greatest then the rapist ... tyes pachi chahi Ear-eater ... ani Comedian abuh chahi His Excellency Ambassador Mike Tyson rey!

Yes, u heard it right... afai lay afai lai 'Boxing Ambassador' banaa-yer-uh uni sansaar ma 'Boxing' ko goon-gaan gaa-ye-ruh hidnay rey! Lau tuh... Mikey Dai... Good luck!

“I didn’t even know what an ambassador really was,” he said. “When I think of ambassadors I think of living off government money and jet-setting with girlfriends.”

Hahaha... Tyson ko buddhi tuh ho... bichara jawana maa baroo GED pass bhayo-kay bhaw-ye yo haalat kaha hoon-thyo ruh? Baroo India batuh Bsc ko certificate kinay hoon-thyo ni!

Baroo Tyson lay hamro Nepal ko neta haroo ko baarey comment somment garya jasto cha! KP Oli has been carrying out his affair with Bidya didi since the 90s. He gets free medical care (thanks to our taxpayers' money!) and so does Bidya didi! Uni haroo ko favorite destination nai Delhi! Ani Hamro Kishunji ruh Ms. Kapaali ko love-story tuh baroo Sanjay Leela Bansaali lay feelim nai banaye-hooncha!

Even though I hate Girija and them clan... I gotta give it to the guy for marrying a widow not because he got that Rs 1 lakh the government promised... oops tyeti bela tuh kaha ahiley ko jasto latthu-raam government thiyo ruh.

Taruh tyeti bela nai ... 'priestly class' ko choro bhayeruh ... samaj hamaj lai laattaaa haaneruh afoo lai mun pareko manchey biha garnoo nai ... Girija Babu .. tyo kura ma chahi ... I salute you... taruh Sujata Koirala ko koora ma chahi... hehehe Cougar Auntie Jindaaabad!

Let's get back to Ambassador Tyson! Chinese jagga-daalaal haroo mileruh ..Tyson lai China visit, tour sour laaney rey. Ani press conference ma Tyson-ji lay yeso bhannu bhayo:

“Didn’t you guys have an altercation with the Japanese people at one time?” he asked . “Here’s what you do: You go looking for a Chinese fighter who will beat the evil Japanese guy and get revenge. That will sell.”

Hahaha... Abuh Tyson ko chaak ma Mao ko Tatto cha rey... yesai tuh Communist Party ko membership pauney nai bhayo.. abuh China ko Foreign Minister pani Tyson lai nai kinuh na-bana-woo-ney?

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The 'Khasi' Conspiracy!

The 'Holy' Cow was the national animal rey during them 'Old' Nepal days... abuh 'New Nepal' maa chahi .. The 'Rasilo' Goat should be the national animal! Every Dashain... the Desis make billions of Rupees (sending us them 'Desi' goats)... ani tyes lay pani naw-pugeruh... China batuh the 'Chinese' Chyangras haroo tuh 25-30,000 jana KTM ma ghoomuh auchan kyaruh! Taru Yo Dashain ma tuh barbaad...

I don't do 'no' animal sacrifice so I have joined the 'Bash the Coconut ...will do' movement! A friend of mine needed a 'Khasi' real bad... Saaley bhaatey.. ali pahila nai Khasi Bazaar tiruh Dhau-noo parcha ni. Asti maatra Khasi kinnuh gayecha ani bhootra ko khasi paunoo!
Sabai thau ma sold-out... last try chahi Nepal Khaddanuh Sansthan (Nepal Food Corporation ki kay bhancha ni) tyeha pugecha.

Tyeha tuh jhan aroo koora ma jastai MAFIA rey! Sabai Janaa line ma rey ani sabai lay bhan-nooo parney kati kilo ko khasi kinney bhanay-ruh... ani usko paalo ma kehi gari tyo khasi ko weight thhyaakuh milnoo parney rey.... uslay bhanya bhanda badi ya ghati bhayo bhaney feri pachadi gayeruh line koor-noo parney rey! Kay khaal ko system ho yo?

Then.. began them conspiracy theories. Sabai Khasi sold-out hoonu ko kaaran chahi India ko border area ma 'Madeshi' haroo lay rokhyo rey. Aroo chahi Nepal Police lay trucker haroo sanguh Dashain Kharcha utthau-nuh Truck haroo nai rokh-dyo rey. Ani Kathmandu ma yo Janga Bahadur ko paala dekhi ahiley samma yo... only the 5th tyam rey yesto bhaako!

Last ma gayeruh Saathi lay bhanya jasto khasi payenuh... ani arko 'Baatho' saathi lay chahi pahila nai 35kg ko 'Indian' khasi Rs 300 per kg ko rate lay hoot-ttai sakya thiyo.. uskaaa bhansoon garderuh 5-10 kg yo saathi lai mila-diye!

hehehe... Nepal ma tuh jay ma pani bhan-soon, source-force... afno manchey cha-hin-nay!
Lau... tuh please drink, eat, play ... responsibly... bekkar ma feri affaai khasi hoonoo na-paros-ni!

Friday, October 15, 2010

The World's Greatest!

We always had the World's tallest mountain and now.. we have (officially) the World's Shortest Man! Abuh if the World's Shortest Man climbs the World's tallest mountain then it would really be the World's Greatest News... ani Visit Nepal Year 2011 lai tuh jhun babaal publicity hooncha hola ni?

Maathi ko photo ma chahi Sujata Auntie is looking at our Khagendra Bro as if she is going to devour him for lunch or something! Oops... sometimes I forget if I am talking about them 'praying mantis' or our 'paying mantris'?

Anyways, it's good news and hope Khagendra bro will make some moolah... 'Go West, Young Man' .. .abuh West Swest bhaneruh AMrika Samrika nai janoo parcha bhanney chaina... Yehi border paari pani kaafi hooncha!

I think I should be the 'Ari Gold' for our Khagendra brother! Khagendra can do his thing with Aamir Khan promoting Samsung products. Who knows... if Khagendra decides to settle down in India... the President of India might give him a something-Bhusan award? If he stays back in Nepal then the only thing he will get is: some 'Rum Pum' Noodle ko Ad hola ... ali badi paa-ye... Rekha Thapa sanguh 'Item Dance' paula kunai Kollywood film maa!

Abuh Nepal ko kura ma chahi... although he is now the so-called ambassador for VNY 2011... Nepal ma badi aswaashun ruh sahana-bhuti matra badi paucha aroo kehi pauney wala chaina! If he gets into jagga-plotting , baaluwa-roda-gitti- thekka patta.... or join the Maoists ... then ali ali kehi soovidha ruh paisa hola natra tuh Nepal ma sabai guff diney matra ho!

So what can we learn from Khagendra bro? That... Size doesn't matter rey! heheh... anyways Khaggu Dada .. u make us proud and hope you will keep on rocking!

Lau tuh... Congratulations to Khagendra Bro... Abuh uslai pani lunch ma lanoo parla Dashain pachi! Mero Lunch ma laaney 'List' tuh badi-rahecha. Pahilo week 'Nepali U-19 Naari Cricket Team' lai tyes pachi 'The World's Shortest Man' ... who's next?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Special Bulletin: Police Chor II

While SP Ramesh Kharel is doing his 'Sheriff from the Wild Wild West' natak.. .his DSP and Inspectors are busy looting the public! I guess SP Ramesh Kharel is only busy updating his fb status and blogs hola!

The story is... 5-6 jana manchey haroo lay khoi kay kay business ma paisa haaley-cha ani tyes ma ek jana lai chahi 30-40 lakh faida bhayo.. aroo bhanda badi! I don't know how , why .. but tyestai bhayo rey. And the other person (Nepal Army ko Colonel (Kur-shaaab) chahi got pissed off and wanted half the share rey!

So what did he do? He asked a bunch of Inspectors @ Hanuman Dhoka Police Station to drag the guy from his office and haul him to the police station for so-called interrogation rey! Ani 4-5 Hawaldaar baseruh tyes byakti lai bhakoo thur-ka-ye-cha!

Ani finally, bichara tyo sojho moro, thoor thoor kaam-dai tyehi nai kaagaz ma chaap laga-yeruh 15lakh tyo Kur-shaab lai diyo rey! Ani police haroo lai 4-5 laakh dashain bonus pani ayo rey!

Pachi koora bujhda tuh na kaagaz saagaz, nuh police report nai banayeko rahecha! Abuh yo desh ma bardi-wallah haroo nai chor bhaye pachi tuh...

I met the guy yesterday, a friend of a friend... and I have told him that next tyam if he has to pay someone off because he made some money from his business deals then don't pay the Cops or the so-called security agencies haroo ko manchey haroo.

Siddhai gayeruh Prachanda Uncle lai daan dinoo ni baroo 4-5 laakh... Maobadi party ma pani join hooncha ani tyo bajiya police lay kaha batuh extort garnuh paucha ruh!

So fellow ktm-baasi haroo .. next tyam if your getting @#$!ed by your local police then please contact the Maobaadies or the Guffadi himself.. baroo ma wakil swakil, maan-uv adhikaar-baadi ruh local crowd nai batoo-lay-ruh aula hai!

Ani Ajuh kay ko sawaari ho... bato nai jaam... Abuh Raja nai chaina bhaney tyo hamro President-saheb lai kay khaanuh IndraJatra, Phulpaati sulpaati ko laagi jaanoo paryo.. choop chaap Presidential Palace ma nai baseruh baroo Yoga Syoga garey hooncha ni!

Ani Arko Newz chahi: Mr. Dipak Manangey (the great businessman from Thamel, and now the Vice-Chairman of the Laxman Tharu ko party...) has formed a so-called commission to investigate Police nautanki against the 'Tharu Prince' Rey!

Hahaha... Nepal ma Police chahi Chor.. ani Chor haroo chahi abuh kay Police ko kaam garnuh thalyo ki kya ho?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

We are the Champions... again!

We are the Champions... again! Jay bhaye pani Cricket Sricket ma chahi hamro U-19 team haroo chahi Babaal cha hai! Pahile Keta haroo lay khoob jiteko thiyo.. abuh ahile chahi Keti haroo ko paalo jasto cha! It's always good to be the winner... except when you are fighting for the PM ko koorchi!

Them young ladies are really good at this balling salling run sun maaring ... wish our politicians had some buddhi ... and instead of just making their cronies and chamchas happy.. they should at least reward our athletes and provide better infrastructure for the development of sports and anything related to Youth kyaruh!

Taruh kay garney... yee mora neta haroo tuh afnai goal post ma suicide goal hannuh matra aucha ani Chinese ruh Desi team lai ultai game soo-roo hoonuh bhanda agaaadi nai walk-over diyeruh ghar tira laagchan!

Well, I don't want to compare our khiladi haroo ko jindagi with them Desi-wallahs taruh pani Ajuh nikkai khoosi lagyo! Hamro 'Naari' U-19 team lay Bhutan lai final ma jiteruh yesh Dashain ma euta Trophy liyeruh tuh au-dai-chin ni!

And the CWG games chahi rock'n'roll soniye in Delhi... India lay jay hos 30+ Gold Medals chahi haat parecha hai! Nepal lay pani kehi nabhaye pani 3030 AD ma Venus ma hoonay Olympics ma chahi tyo bhanda badi Gold Medal paucha bhanney aasha rakhnoo parla!

Ani Sports ko kura gardaa... . Nepal ma chahi Don Son haroo ko backforce, neta haroo ko so-called bodyguard chahi tyehi pahila ko Black Belt Slack Belt haroo nikkai chan! Sabai yo Jagat Gauchan Uncle ko paala dekhi soo-roo bhaako ho kyaruh!

Ani hamro marathon sarathon toli pani SAARC ma tuh khatara nai ho taruh pani Baikuntha Dai pachi chahi Khaas kehi bhayenuh jasto cha! Football ma pani Ek Jawana ma tuh SAARC champion nai ho kyaruh taruh Nepal ... World Cup ma khelnuh ko laagi chahi ajhai 104 barsa koor-noo parla!

Hamro desh ka khilaadi haroo bichara tyehi doodh, channa, jerri-swarri diet... Panchey ko paala ma pani tyehi diet ... ahiley Khanchoo-wey ko paala ma pani tyehi diet. Farak sirif yeti nai ho ki tyeti bela 1 Rs ma euta Anda au-thyo ahiley tyehi Anda laagi 10 Rs rey!

Hamro Sports Minister ko chahi khaas kaam kay ho .... malai pani tha-ha bhayenuh... tyehi afnai manchey 'Nepal Sports Council' (Khel-kood Parisad') ma ghoo-sauney ani uta ko ali ali funding haroo afnai bagali ma haalney , bela bhakat bidesh bhraman garney.. tyestai ho... Nepal ma khilaadi haroo bhanda pani so-called officials haroo lai po badi facilities, perks and what not!

Desh nai ulto bhaye pachi kasko bau ko kay laagcha... yeha Prachanda tuh kay Napolean, Hitler , Alexander the Great aye pani ... kehi hoonay walla chaina! Baroo hamro neta haroo lai pani 'UFC' ko ultimate fight sight ma bhaag linuh paw-tthaa-yay hooncha ni!

Lau tuh.. Congrats to our Ladies... hope u will keep on rocking... we are all proud of you.. abuh timi haroo Nepal farkey pachi chahi.. mero taruf batuh euta sano tino party organize garney walla choo! Gaadi saaadi , soon ko sikka dinay paisa tuh chaina ma sanguh taruh pani euta lunch chahi dinoo parla!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Do we need a Caretaker?

"A person that has the responsibility of looking after buildings and the smooth running of an estate (used in this sense in US English especially when done in the absence of the owner). This includes making sure the heating is working, cleaning, portering goods, moving furniture, doing repairs, ordering materials, etc., usually called janitor, custodian, or superintendent in US English."

Makuney has been our so-called 'caretaker' PM since June 30th, 2010! Abuh 3 mahina bhayi-sakyo... hamra neta haroo chahi afoo afai jhagada gareruh 12th tyam samma pani euta Prime-Monster choose garnuh garo bhayee raheko cha!

Abuh Amriki angrezi ko definition ma koora garney ho bhaney, Makuney and his mini-sinisters haroo ko kaam kay ho tuh? Ahiley samma hare-da tuh Makune ko kaam chahi :

a)Ice-Cream khaney taruh Ice-Cream banau-luh lai batti/pani ko su-vi-da naw-diney !

b)Mugling ma Bhatkay-ko pool ko vrhaman garney taruh Pool haroo ko muni baluwa chornay thekdaar lai karwai nagurney!

c)Basantapur ma Mask laga-yeruh .... broom dance dekhaunay taruh Kathmandu ko fohor uthau-naw pani nasakney

d)Apah-hara-un gareruh mareka bal-baccha ko Aam-bau lai jhooto sanoo-bhooti diney taruh tee chor haroo lai ultai political support diney!

Yestai cha yeha ko haal khabar.... ani UML kai nautanki mini-sinisters haroo ko kura garda chahi... Bhim Rawal should be awarded the 'asshole of the year' award! Uha ko title chahi 'Home Minister' rey ani ghanta (??? rhymes with fanta kyaruh) khaa-nuh NYC tira UN ko assembly ma chahi kay 'Bidesh' Mantri ko hai-see-yat lay gaako?

I don't know Jamin Shah but to be shot in broad-daylight, tyo pani Lazimpaat jasto saaghoo-ro bato ko bhid ma .. tyo pani India ko Don haroo ko goli lay... Wa Kya Scene hai? Hehehe.. Archana Puran Singh ko tyo pahila ko Zee TV ko program ko po yaad ayo!

Ani ... u hear about robberies, abductions, extortions, rape and muder .... and what does our Home Minister do? He crashes the so-called Tibetan In-Exile government ko election and seizes the ballot boxes. Kohi na-paayeruh abuh bichara Tibetan haroo lai matra dhookha dinchan!

Khoob kaam garechas Mora bhatey chor! (if you are related to Mr. Rawal, no hard feeling la.... nothing personal.. public figures are open-target ni!)

Baroo tyo Rakesh Sood lai Joota haanoo bhanda... hamra Maobaadi clown haroo lay 'Home Minister' lai kaalo mooso daleruh, jootta ko maala lagai-diye hooncha ni! Mr. Rawal... please visit Japan and learn some 'Harar-kiri' techniques ni!

So .. do we really need these nannies....? The answer is 'Nai malai kunai sarkaar chahi-daina...' The World has seen that we can function without any government or so-called neta haroo kinuh bhaney Nepal ma kanoon bhaneko chahi hami citizen haroo lai ho ani yo so-called democracy, republic BS , federalism natak chahi sirf neta haroo lai matra ho!

Mohan Dai sanguh compromise gareruh, BP hero bhayo...feri uslay Mahendra Dai sanguh compromise gareruh .. Panchey haroo Hero bhayaaan ..... ani Birendra Dai lay ulto compromise gareruh Girija Zero batuh Hero bhayeen ani Tyespachi Maobaadi lay desh ko bato ghato tuh bhut-kaunoo bhatkayo ani lootnoo lootyo!

Ani hamro Gyane Uncle lay compromise gareruh Prachanda tuh jhan 'Emperor Joongay' nai bhayaaa... Saala sabai janaah compromising position ma bhetiyo... ani Bichara hamro Tharu Prince, Laxman Tharu lai chahi kinuh ni 15 dinay remand ma!

Free Laxman Tharu... NOW! If he wants to sleep with a 20-year old 'X' worker .. then it's his business ... kay hamro so-called fokatay ko caretaker-government Taliban lay chalai-raako ho ruh? Kay thaha... yee mora Neta haroo jahiley pani 'foreign hand' ko kura garchan...

BTW Makuney pani daari-saari ruh Turban Surban lagayo-bhaney tuh Thyakkai Mullah Omar jastai dekhlan hagi!

Yo Hallai Halla ko desh ma ... abuh sirf neta haroo lai Gober ko Dalla lay hannuh baki cha! Jai Hos!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Chor Police... again!!!

Nepal Police Day was yesterday... and instead of honoring the brave men in blue, Nepal Police would have done a better job if they had awarded the 'three musketeers' from Maharjgunj Police Station (MPS) for their wonderful role in community service!

If you have not read the news, three policemen from MPS were busy looting and booting a house and Dashain maa Dashaa lagecha kyaruh bajiya haroo lai... Chor ko baarey report dinuh ayeko bichara manchey lay Police nai Chor ho bhaneruh identify garepachi...

DSP Saheb lay bhakkoo goday-chan tee tin janah police-wallah haroo lai! Muh bhaye tuh tini haroo lai naangai raakheruh, rookh ma baaneruh, korra haaneruh, Youtube ma video raakhi-dinthay!

Hahaha... Nepal ma yestai ho. Police Nai chor bhaye pachi kasko bau ko kay laagcha! 90% of the extortion, abduction ruh aroo criminal acts haroo Police kai milo-maato (Nepal ayeruh sikay ko yo word chahi!) ma hooncha rey!

The other day... I was in Man Bhawan and two drunk bastards were hiding behind a tree. Kay bhayo bhaneruh sodeko... ek jana manchey lai motorcycle lay haaney-ruh bhageychan... ani tee dui jana ko ho bhaney ko tuh Police-wallah nai parecha!

Tyes Pachi Jawlakhel Chowki ma phone gareruh Ashai-Shaap lai bhakku gaali gareko ani Van linuh aunoo bhayo dui mitra haroo lai!

And aroo chaak-laagdo news (interesting bhannuh khojay ko ... nothing to do with ass-biting?) chahi... The 'Tharu Prince' was busted with 'Raat ki Raani' from some guesthouse. SP Ramesh Kharel is doing a great job. Uha visionary nai ho... ahiley nabhaye pani 10 barsa pachi chahi IGP nai Khaney bichar cha kyaruh!

The former Maoist, and now .. the so-called 'Tharu Movement' ko Crown Prince was found in a compromising position rey ..with a 20 barsa ko naari! Abuh yo 'compromising position' bhaneko kay ho? Milo-maato jastai tuh ho ni! Maybe, they were just both practicing buff-yoga!

Nepal Police should first learn a thing or two from RamDeV Baba before they go around catching everyone ... doing some Yoga stuff!

Dui janauh consenting umare-pugeka haroo lay sahamati ma karyakaram pani garnuh napaunay.... welcome to 'New Nepal'!

And RCP (does not stand for 'Real Clear Politics')... is still not backing out even after NOT getting laid for the 12th tyam! Yo Bajey (as in 'Grandpa' and not a diss to the 'Priestly Class') abuh tuh pugyo hola ni?

Yo tuh Tommy Lee lay Pamela Anderson lai 24 choti line marda maardai balla balla paattaa-ye ko jasto hoonuh lagyo taruh Ram Chandra Poudel ko bau ko school ho ki kya ho... kohi nabhaye pani 'Election' maa uthnay!

Wishing all of you (jo bhaye pani ... thank u for reading my guffs!) ... a Happy Dashain and Tihar!