Saturday, December 26, 2015

Votes and Notes




Christmas is a government holiday in Nepal. For Christians, it is the celebration of the birth of Christ. Churches around the country will celebrate Christmas mass while those who are not Christians will celebrate by wearing Santa hats and drinking till one drops on the floor or dead depending on the volume of alcohol consumed. 

Christmas decorations and celebration is a big thing in Asian countries as well. I think our byaparis at Durbar Marg should have organized a street festival for Christmas where a dozen Santa Claus sing songs of peace and joy even though the situation in this beautiful land of ours is completely the opposite. Our Santas should then distribute cooking gas cylinders, drums of petrol and cooking oil to lucky attendees.

It would have been nice if Oli had dressed up as Santa Claus and visited temporary shelters across the country to distribute gifts to our children. But of course, our politicians want to stay as far away as possible from the common folks. 

Obama can shake hands and carry a baby or two. Well, now it's the turn of Hillary and other rednecks like Trump and his fellow Republicans to do their nataks but our politicians should learn a thing or two from the Western clowns. 
Christmas is not only religious but cultural celebration around the world as well.

Well, there are few countries that have banned Christmas and Kamal Thapa would love to join them if he becomes our Prime Monster some day. And don't be surprised if Mandaleys do become our Prime Monster. I guess Kamal Dai should continue to waste our taxpayers money by visiting as many countries as possible before this government falls down.

Anything is possible in politics. Look at our greatest comedian of all time, KP Oli. Our verbal warrior has now added half a dozen ministers in his cabinet. We now have 40 con artists and in a month or two, he will break Dr Saheb's record of 48 good for nothing freeloaders wasting our taxpayers' money by running around town as mantris.

Oli wants to return the favor to all those who voted for him during the PM contest. It doesn't matter if those political parties that cast their votes for Oli have only a seat or two in the House.

Ek Nath Dhakal is a minister again. His party has only two seats. Mr. Dhakal is the front man for the Moonies. With due respect to our Christian brothers and sisters in this land but how can a member of a Christian Cult become a mantri while genuine Christians have to defend their faith everywhere they go? 

It's all about money in this land. If Mrs Golcha can pay 7 Karods to be a CA member then just imagine how much a politician will have to pay the Prime Monster to become a mantri. Mr. Dhakal has already served as a minister during our Dr Saheb's 'road expansion' regime. He must have paid a billion Rupees then and he must be paying someone today as well. After all, he gets the dough from the Koreans. 

If we need a Christian politician to be in our cabinet then find a true believer who has fought for religious freedom in this land. There are hundreds of pastors who were prosecuted during the Panchey days. 

We have more religious freedom now but to be a Christian during the Mandaley days was like being ready to be tortured and then disappeared by the state. Yes, our Panchey regime did not like Christians and they had the same feeling for Congressis and Communists as well. 

But of course, our Congressis had all the fun and took this country down the drain. It did not even leave our state enterprises alone when they went on a looting spree. The Chinese gave us those trolley buses. The Japanese gave us those Sajha Buses. Our Nepal Airlines was flying to more than half a dozen international destinations. 

The government had their own brick, cement and tyre factories. Now, twenty five years later, we have either nothing or those enterprises are just bare skeleton of what they used to be in their hey days while they lose billions of Rupees each year and the staff get paid for sun bathing.

Our Communists got to rule for less than a year then and they were no different. But two decades later, with the King gone, our communists have been in power more than the Congressis. And they have turned out to be no different from other clowns or even the Pancheys. The people have always come last while only party cadres, cousins and contractors are on the top of the list for our politicians.

Yes, you need to distribute lots of notes to win elections in this land. And then you need to offer more notes to the ruling coalition if you want to become a mantri. Oli is also breaking up two ministries to form another two. Now, we will have a separate Ministry of Population and Environment and another Ministry of Sanitation and Drinking Water. Do we really need these two new ministries?

Our folks are already having fewer babies and in the next fifty years, we will have more senior citizens than young lads and ladies.  We are number one when it comes to the environment. We have no power for half the day and we don't use fossil fuel which really helps Mother Earth. 

But of course our government's policy of distributing wood may have contributed an increase of 0.01% pollution but it's not that bad as the Desi and Dumpling industries across our borders who pollute like crazy. The Americans and the Europeans contribute more than half when it comes to destroying this planet with their big polluting industries. 

At least here at home, we have to thank the Madhesi parties for the blockade and helping to shut down most of the industries in the land. And let us not forget to thank our major political parties and their trade unions for strangling the industries that seem to somehow operate even under these dire circumstances. We are not only helping the environment but also narrowing down our trade deficit with India.

Nepal Army saved us 40 Karods with their biskoot deal while Oli Swamy will waste the same amount by adding these two new ministries. Good Job! Our politicians really know how to loot state treasury and we are to blame for it because we are the ones who have elected these pick pockets. After all, what more can you expect from these thieves who know only how to rip off the public in this New Republic!



Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Family comes First!




Our honorable Home Minister Shakti Basnet has shown us all that he is no different from the rest of the clowns who have become mantris in our land. I think we need to remind our Home Ministry wallahs that their job is to provide security to the public, maintain law and order in this land and make sure that those affected by natural disasters get taken care of by the government.

But it seems that the Home Ministry has other priorities like harassing our own folks at the immigration counter at TIA and making sure that the government employees at our District Administration Offices across the country slack off and give a hard time to service seekers for no apparent reason. 

Instead of protecting our highways and borders, the Home Ministry only protects the netas and their residences.  Instead of going after crooks, our Home Ministry makes sure that black marketers make all the money but if they don't pay the thulo mancheys then our police wallahs confiscate the goods and make some money anyway.

Instead of apologizing to the country, Shaktiman apologized to his comrades for sending his relatives to China for a nice vacation in the name of earthquake survivors. I don't think he has done anything wrong by sending his daughters and granddaughters of our Emperor to try out some dim sum and learn how to use chopsticks. 

After all, we all  need to broaden our horizon and foreign trips certainly helps our netas and their children to see the jhili-mili and modernization there and then dream of looting more to fund their privileged lifestyle.

Our politicians have no shame. They have no morals. It seems that being able to loot the state treasury and give free foreign trips to your loved ones brings honor to the netas. Some of our former mantris have been to jail and fined millions of Rupees. 

When they are released, a dozen cadres welcome them with garlands and abir as if the corrupt clown just came back from a successful trip to Mars. Let's hope that Elon Musk will someday colonize Mars and we can send all our netas, civil servants and con artists for a life-time vacation there.

The CIAA has forced our former molester mantri Hari Parajuli to refund 2.6 lakhst he had misused to send his son to Australia to try some chocolate milk. Why do our freeloaders think that they must waste our taxpayers' money on foreign trips for themselves and their dear ones instead of spending it for the people back home? 

And when they are out of power, they want freebies such as vehicles, security, chiya kharcha and what not. 

Our Oli government wants to provide lifetime free gift hampers to our VVIPs. Well, all our successive governments have been trying to provide such perks to our thulo mancheys. They are not ashamed that they make millions in bribes and still need more when they are no longer in power. 

Our former Prime Monsters and other VVIPs continue to drive around in luxury vehicles and get free fuel and chiya kharcha. If you have already made billions of Rupees from kickbacks and other shady deals then why the hell do you still need a few lakh Rupees a month from the state?  

And now our CIAA wallah has asked the government to suspend APF Chief Shaab because they believe that he had made millions of Rupees by faking bills and taking kickbacks from vendors.  IGP Onta is not alone. Most of our so-called senior level police officers and Army generals all make Karods from vendors who supply stuff to our security agencies. 

Nepal Army now wants to save Rs 40 Karods by buying biskoots and stuff directly from the companies instead of third party supplier. I guess our byaparis who make easy money from such contracts are not too happy. Our Defence Mantri must be pissed off as well. Hope our Nepal Army Chief Shaab will use the savings for housing for our soldiers so that they won't have to live in bunkers across the country.

If we are able to get refunds from all our netas who have misused the state funds for overseas trips then we could have enough funds to develop a 1,000 MW hydropower project. Maybe that could end our load shedding problem in this land.

You know that winter is here when our No Electricity Authority (NEA) decides to increase load shedding hours. Our Energy Minister promised us that we will have power for lunch and dinner but I guess he really doesn't know how our NEA works. 

The folks at NEA buy faulty transformers so that they can make some money. They are not in a hurry to develop more hydropower projects to get rid of load shedding but they are always in a hurry to provide license to dalals both domestic and foreign and make some chiya kharcha. 

All we need is just a thousand MW and we will get electricity for 24 hours a day. Our government can't afford to spend a billion dollars so that we can save five if we have power all the time and then won't have to spend so much on fuel, inverters and cooking gas.

Why do we need foreign companies and investors? Why can't we raise a billion dollars on our own. We have more than 3 million folks overseas. I am not an economist or some financial expert but we must have at least half a million here at home who can afford to pitch in a lakh if the government is willing to ask us to invest in a hydropower project in our own land. 

Our migrant workers overseas can contribute their one month salary and us here at home and contribute our share. Let's raise a billion dollars and maybe in a few years if we don't have to pay off a dozen political parties and civil servants then we might finally be load shedding free by 2020.

But of course, Oli the great comedian has promised us that we will be load shedding free by next year. Either he is lying or is busy smoking something that makes one go crazy. By next year, Oli won't be in Baluwatar and of course we all know that we will continue to have more than 12 hours of load shedding every winter until all of our NEA's transformers explode. 

Then, we will have no power at home and we will all have to burn our own furniture and then bank notes to stay warm in winter as we can't even afford to buy anything that the black market offers. 

Dear chor netas, think about the people first. Yes, we all need to take care of our families but instead of only taking care of your near and dear ones, please take care of the people too. Without us, you won't be able to play politics and be in power. If we are no longer here then who will you rule over, exploit and extort? 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Desi Magic




Our politicians have been telling us that we should not bow down and let the Desis walk all over us. They tell us to be patriotic and stand tall in spite of shortages of everything due to the blockade. 

Yes, we the common folks should stay in line for the whole day and get a few liters of fuel while our politicians and civil servants get to fill up their tanks, get enough cooking gas to last them months and not worry about anything.

The Shree Tins left the building more than sixty years ago but our corrupt clowns and lazy civil servants seem to be inspired by them. Our netas continue to act like they own this country and they can do as they please. 

They are all above the law while common folks have to face laathis and boots from our security personnel if we dare to speak up and demand that law be equal to everyone.

When we look at our police wallahs, we see them as private security guards for 
our politicians and civil servants instead of serving and protecting the people. We see them as the ones who loot fuel and cooking gas cylinders meant for the people. 

When we look at our civil servants, we see them as inefficient lazy bums who have build mansions in the capital through bribes from the service seekers. When we look at our politicians, we see them as corrupt clowns who only know how to loot the state treasury to satisfy the needs of their cadres and cousins.

Now, everybody is optimistic that the blockade will end soon and we will get to celebrate Christmas and New Year in full swing. Yes, let us all thank the Desis for sponsoring a tour package for our Madhesi netas. I hope our great Madhesi superheroes enjoyed the dinner and hospitality showered upon them by the folks in Delhi. 

Our Madhesi netas tell us that they will be flexible and sit for talks to resolve the crisis. But of course nobody wants to bend backwards and lose face. Everybody wants to save face and tell their own cadres and con artists that they won. 

Our netas seem to forget that it is the government's responsibility to provide basic needs of the people. But here in this beautiful land of ours, the government is here not to help the people or develop this land. 

It is here to extort and exploit the people so that those in power can make millions while millions of our folks have no choice but to go overseas to make a few Dinars more. 

Our politicians can’t sort their problems at home and need to seek help from the Desis to resolve the current crisis. If we look back at history, we have to admit that it has always been the Desis who have played a role in bringing back Monarchy or Morons or Maoists to Kathmandu so that they can loot us all. 

Our Madhesi netas are the same. Most of them have been ministers in previous government and we all know that they made millions except the folks at the CIAA.

If it weren't for them, our late King Tribby would not be the father of Democracy then. If it weren't for them, our late Ganesh Man Bajey would not have been the father of Democracy forty years later. And don't be surprised if we get a new person to be our father again in 2030. 

I think we need a mother to lead us to prosperity and that could happen only if our Madame President tells Oli that he and his lawmakers should make sure that our CIAA is under the President instead of being under our government. If the CIAA is only answerable to the President then our politicians would not be able to pull strings to stop investigations of themselves.

Ganesh Thapa is a crook. Even FIFA thinks so and has banned him for life and fine 20 lakhs. But he has made billions of Rupees and he is safe in this land because the CIAA or other government agencies will not go after him. He is a lawmaker. He must have voluntary donated millions of Rupees to every major political party while he was the King at ANFA. No wonder, the CIAA wallahs can't find any evidence of wrongdoing. 

And now our CIAA wallahs have made us all proud by starting investigations against 40 thulo mancheys. The CIAA invites them to give their statement and after a month or two, they will tell us that they could not find any evidence of corruption and abuse of power. Why only Krishna Bahadur Mahara and not our Emperor who seem to own dozen of industries and commercial complexes in the country?

We all know that Gopal Bahadur Khadka, the guy at No Oil Corporation (NOC) is a crook but I guess he will be left alone after all this is over. You can't be heading a public corporation until you have paid someone else to get the job. And you have to find ways to recover your money as soon as you begin your tenure. 

That has been the story for all our civil servants and directors at public enterprises. Even our politicians do the same. You borrow, extort and some even sell their land to stand up for elections. 

If you become a mantri then you got to make ten times more than what you spent in the span of six months because you never know when the coalition government will collapse and you will have no access to state treasury after that.

So let us all take to the streets and demand that our incompetent lawmakers get together and allow the CIAA to be under the President's authority. Maybe then, we will be able to finally get the big sharks instead of minnows. 

And if we really need some Desi help then we can ask their Income Tax wallahs to visit Nepal and train our civil servants on how to send chills down the spine of corrupt clowns when they carry out raids.


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Wealth is Health





Our grandfathers used to tell us that if you are healthy then you are wealthy. I guess what they meant was that if you are in shape then you can always work hard and be successful. And honesty is also an important factor in your success as well.

But when it comes to our good for nothing politicians in this country, it is completely the opposite.  For us to expect our politicians to be honest is like asking a five-year old to stay put and not move an inch while you make him or her sit on a bora full of candies.

Most of our clowns are obese due to state perks and bribes. Most of them seem to suffer from high blood pressure and other ailments that come with drinking too much milk tea in the morning and Black Label in the evening. 

We have yet to find a politician who suffers from gastric problems. But of course, tons of red meat and bottles of bidheshi whiskey will mostly likely trouble your heart and liver.

I guess it would be better if our government serves alcoholic beverages and chicken chilly during the so-called talks between our ruling clowns and our great Madhesi netas. I think we will have a deal by the evening and India will not prevent the trucks from entering our land. 

But of course, we must not blame India. That would piss off our Madhesi Maharajas. Instead of going to Delhi, shaking hands with a lady and eating Samosas, Kamal Thapa should hop on a chariot and head to Birgunj and hold talks there. 

Health-wise, our politicians are not in good shape and when they suffer from various major illnesses, they just ask the state to foot their bill. Yes, let the taxpayers pay for the air ambulances and treatment at hospitals overseas while common folks spend their life savings.

Our former Prime Monster SuKo has spent more than 2 Karods from the state treasury to visit Amrika for his medical treatment. Our current PM Oli is not far behind. He has spent more than a Karod. 

Thanks to the blockade, our hospitals are running out of medicines but our incompetent government does not seem to care at all. Well, our hakim sahebs, mantris and so-called VVIPs don’t have to worry about medicines or other daily essential goods.

No Oil Corporation (NOC) seems to have enough fuel only for our politicians. These buffoons have no shame to drive around the capital with their usual APF wallahs. Our IGP saheb should also check on his fellow police wallahs. 

My local gas dealer received 70 cylinders of half-filled cooking gas a few weeks ago. He didn't even call the cops but they showed up anyway and acted like they were helping him to manage the queue but then our police wallahs in civil dress managed to hoodwink everyone and made off with eight cylinders.

It seems that Dashain is still in full swing for our police wallahs. The men and women in blue at major checkpoints in the valley are making a killing. Either they confiscate the fuel or ask for chiya kharcha from our black marketers. 

I think our Nepal Police should set up a separate hotline. Yes, just dial 420 and order ten liters of petrol for Rs 300 and a cylinder of gas for Rs 8,000.  Add a little extra so that the police van can deliver it at your home.  

Well, we can’t blame the constables and Hawaldars for asking for recharge cards and chiya kharcha. They too have to deliver most of the confiscated fuel and gas cylinders to their hakim sahebs. 

I think our CDO sahebs in the valley can do us a great favor if the confiscated cooking gas cylinders and fuel could be distributed through a lottery system. The lucky ones will get to drive around the city for a week and have enough cooking gas to last them a month or two. 

The unlucky ones can share a ride with the winners and maybe visit their homes for at least one fully-cooked meal of dal, bhat and some masu. Yes, let us help each other out in any way possible.

We don’t know when the never-ending talks between our Madhesi superheros and the Mandaley-Maoist-Maaley-Morons will end and we will get to sleep in peace and not worry about where to get our daily essentials goods. This week, we came to know how much our current ruling clowns have in their banks. 

Our comedian KP Oli has only seven lakhs in the bank and everything else is in his wife's name. I guess it's the communist thing to get married to a rich man's daughter and get everything in dowry. Kamal Dai has a few luxury vehicles and 110 tolas of gold. I guess he plans to donate his gold to Pashupatinath someday.  

Top Bahadur, our Energy Minister must have everything else except electric cookers because his promise to at least give us some electricity for lunch and dinner turned out to be another joke. Our government is a big joke and our mantris and civil servants are the ones who seem to be writing funny one-liners to entertain us during such crisis. 

Thank you Nepal Government for increasing the load shedding hours. I think it is better if we do it like our Muslim brothers and sisters during Ramadan. Instead for only a month, let's make it a year-long celebration of prayers and fasting from sunrise to sunset.  

Let us pray that we will not lose our minds and go crazy. Let us eat only one meal a day at midnight. The local butcher can make some sekuwa. We can ask the local pasaley to pitch in a bora of daal, rice and aloo. Let's do it like during the days when we were all in tents after the aftershocks. Let's use our open spaces to operate communal kitchens and share our food with each other. 

Our incompetent government will not help us. Our opportunist Madhesi netas think it is better to starve us all instead of asking us for our help to join in their protest programs. Comrade Biplab has made us all proud by shutting down the country to protest the shut down in Terai. 

What's next?  Don't be surprised if our Emperor Prachanda somehow uses his magic tricks to bring in the Madhesi and Kangaroos on board and then he gets to live in Baluwatar again. 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, November 28, 2015

New Power




It seems that we, the people can't do anything about the blockade except watch the ping pong match between our incompetent government and our Madhesi-Tharu politicians. Our good for nothing clowns have been holding talks to resolve the crisis but it seems that they only get together for the free doodh chiya and biskoot and are not really interested to find ways to compromise and end the 'black market' festival.

It seems that both the police and the protesters are pissed off at each other. Our protesters keep on vandalizing ambulances and burn down police posts while our police personnel wants to laathi-charge and fire tear gas and bullets at anybody in Terai. 

But those leading the protest programs and those in power are busy laughing and having a jolly good time during the so-called talks that always remain inconclusive. Dear, good for nothing freeloaders, please stop wasting our time!

Our police wallahs provide security to the residences of our Madhesi netas in the valley so that some of us won't go crazy and start pelting stones or burn tyres in front of their palaces. But our Madhesi netas are okay with protesters attacking police personnel and burning down police posts. 

I think it would be better if our protesters in Terai prevented their own netas from coming back to the capital. Why are our Madhesi netas quiet about the SSB incident? Why are not they angry when the Desis fire at our Madhesi youth? Why is our government silent? Where have all our student unions gone? 

The Indian Embassy tells us that their SSB folks were firing at smugglers. Baidya Ba is busy handing greeting cards to the Indian Ambassador instead of declaring war against India. Yes, Baidya Ba has always supported an all-out invasion of India and it's time his master plan was put into action. 

But of course, you need to dig tunnels first and it seems that his cadres don't have any plans to go to the plains and begin their war plans. Like all other politicians, even Baidya Ba is all talk and no walk.

We have to blame our political parties for all the problems in the country. It is not India or the bideshis who are hell bent on destroying this land of ours. It is our own netas and civil servants who bow down to the Desis and bideshis for their own personal gain. 

Let us thank our trade unions for shutting down our industries and making us dependent on India for everything. Let us thank our bureaucrats for only asking for commission instead of allowing investors to develop hydropower projects. Let us thank our netas for extorting from our byaparies and bureaucrats so that they can enjoy the good life. 

No wonder, our byaparis sell us adulterated products and profit from black marketing. After all, they have to pay the sarkari haikms and mantris to continue their shady schemes. 

Our civil servants do not do their job or do what is right because those who can pay off our politicians get lucrative postings while those who want to be a hardworking honest civil servant get their offices locked up by government trade unions or get transferred to Siberia.

We, the people want to know when will all this natak end?  But it seems that the both parties have no idea how to resolve the crisis and all we can do is grind our teeth and keep on looking around for cooking gas and a little cheaper fuel that the current black market price.

It seems that both our government and the protesters really want to test the limit of patience of the Nepali people. Our politicians should thank the almighty or somebody for having such a passive populace. 

Let us not blame our grandparents for getting rolled over by our Shree Tins. Let us not blame our parents for putting up with the Pancheys. At least they didn’t have mobile phones and Facebook then. 

Life was simpler. But today, we, the current generation who have seen it all, are prepared to stay in line for days to get a few liters of petrol and half a cylinder of cooking gas. 

We are busy posting funny jokes on Facebook and liking it instead of protesting against the government's inability to deal with the crisis that has strangled our nation for the past three months.

We do not need the same old faces to fool us with their 'new power' campaign. New Power should come from 'new' people. The new power should be led by people who have at least worked hard to provide for their families instead of having spent years giving hawatari speeches and fooling us with the dream of a new Nepal where they get to rule and loot instead of  uplifting the lives of the Nepali people. We have seen it all. We don't want to see any of the circus acts anymore. 

Upendra Yadav is right. He wants our ruling clowns to either quit government or declare war. We, the people should declare war against our corrupt clown and make sure that the current batch of freeloaders quit politics for good. All politicians of today should pack up and retire. Most of them have already made enough to live the rest of their lives in luxury.

We want leaders who can lead us to prosperity instead of pushing us into extreme poverty. Dr Saheb should instead quit politics and be a mentor to the new generation. You have already lived in Baluwatar. Where do you want to go next? Let the new blood work together to build a self-sufficient and self-reliant nation. 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, November 21, 2015

In Search of a Savior




The festival of lights is over and we all have no choice but to face the darkness that hovers around us. Our government bans firecrackers and imposes 10pm curfew even during the festive seasons. 

I guess such laws don't apply to Dohoris and Dance Bars that operate past midnight as their loud music disturbs the whole neighborhood. Our police chiefs and CDO sahebs only know how to make money from illicit deals. And we can't blame them either because they also need to pay the politicians who offered them lucrative postings. 

Look at the Desi and Dumpling folks. They celebrate their festivals by lighting firecrackers like crazy. Even the Amrikans go wild during their Independence Day. I guess you need to be a superpower or an emerging one to allow your citizens to light firecrackers during festive season. 

Well, we are a 'no' power nation when it comes to everything. We have no clout in the international arena. Our incompetent government seems to have no power to mobilize its security personnel to secure the highways and borders. 

And our dreams of generating 40,000 MW of power and making a killing by selling to the Desis and the Dim Sum wallahs will never materialize until the politicians and bureaucrats of today are long gone.

I think our Madhesi-Tharu politicians want to celebrate '100 days' of bandas while the Oli government wants to stay put and do nothing until their 100 days in power. 

We have to thank our protesters that while they are busy pelting stones and sleeping on no man's land during the day, they are busy filling up gas cylinders and sending it to customers in the valley at night. 

The government should stop publishing daily market prices for vegetables and stuff. Why not have a 'black market' price for cooking gas and fuel instead. The current black market price for a cooking gas cylinder is Rs 8,000 while petrol has come down to Rs 350 per liter from 500 a month ago. 

For 8,000 you will not get a sealed cylinder and a few kg less than the promised weight. But if you pay 10,000 then you are more than likely to get a full seal-packed gas cylinder. 

We all know that our 'No Oil Corporation' (NOC) is involved in the black market. The hakim saheb at NOC is a crook but nobody can touch him. He is where he is because of source force and to get rid off him would mean millions of Rupees less for our politicians who put him there. 

Our gas bottlers are in it as well. Our police personnel, especially those who hang around gas depots and fuel stations during distribution day take their cut. I think the government should just allow anyone to sell fuel and cooking gas. Let hundreds of thousands of our unemployed youth walk to the border everyday and fill up our gas cylinders. 

Our Madhesi-Tharu politicians could also make a killing if they took a 'protection' kharcha from the blackmarketers as well. Everybody makes money while we , the common folks will be the ones who will pay them all so that we can at least survive until all this natak is over. 

But now the question is not when the current crisis will be resolved but how long will our current ruling coalition of chors will last and when will we have the next band of thieves to be mantris and enjoy the freebies from the state?

It's time we all woke up from this nightmare and teach our politicians a thing or two about humanity and compassion. I think it's about time we asked our Pujaris, Monks, Padres, Imams and religious leaders of other faith to come together to give a crash course to our chors on how to be a good human being instead of being slimy corrupt con artists. 

Maybe, our religious leaders can scare our politicians that they will burn in hell if they continue to make millions of Nepalis suffer for their own personal gain. But that might not be enough because it would be like trying to scare the devil by warning him that he will burn in hell. How in the world did we create such monsters who have no sympathy for the suffering of the people?

Our Madhesi-Tharu politicians think that holding millions of people hostage by blocking the borders will give them a few more provinces. Our incompetent government seems to have no one to give them advice on what do that would be in the best interest of the country? Where have all the experts gone? I guess they are all busy trying to figure out how to make more money from the crisis instead of resolving it.

Comrade Biplab told us that he would start his protest programs after Tihar. I guess he is still busy digesting all the food he must have gorged on during Tihar. Let us forget our politicians because we all know that they are good for nothing jackasses. Do we really need someone to lead us? Do we really need one person to be the face of our protest programs? Why can't we all get together and plan something. 

Let us all form a tole-basi protest group. Let's get not the oldest but the youngest one in the neighborhood to lead us. Maybe a recent SLC graduate can be the face of our protest program!. 

Let us invite our Aama Samuha, the usual lazy bums who hang out at local chiya pasal all day talking politics, the gang of junkies and drunks, the local barber, electrician and butcher and of course everyone, even the expat who is here to help Nepal or to help him or herself in the name of Nepal as well. 

Let us engage everyone from our toles to visit the residence of our Madhesi and Tharu politicians who thinks that there is no other way out of this mess except by shutting us all down. 

Let us place a hundred kg garland on our politician's neck. Offer him ladoos and pedas and thank him or her for making sure that we all suffer. Let us play some Bollywood tunes and even invite Manoj Gajurel to be Modi as we dance all day in front of the residence of the Madhesi-Tharu leaders as well as those of politicians of major political parties. 

Let's play a late Deusi at Baluwatar!  What about the Indian Embassy? Leave the Desis alone. We can do a blockade at Lazimpat if India invades Maldives!

Oli and his crew of misfits cannot keep on blaming India. The problem is in our house. We are looking for a savior to bring all our chors together so that our lives will go back to normal instead of worrying about how to get the next cylinder of gas or enough fuel to get to work. 

We want our lives back. If you want to lead then please raise your hand. Just take a step forward and we will follow. We don't care about politics and provinces. We just want Nepali people to be able to buy daily stuff needed to survive. Is that too much to ask for? 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Making History




Let us all stand up and give a round of applause to our honorable Prime Monster KP Oli for making history by inducting 6 deputy Prime Monsters in his cabinet. This is probably the most inclusive cabinet in history of Nepali politics. It's good to have Mandaleys, Madhesi, Maoist and Mundreys and other Morons getting free rides, housing and chiya kharcha. 

Most of our politicians think that's enough as they do not think women, differently-abled and members of  the indigenous and marginalized communities are good enough to be ministers. Well, we have a women President and at least our VP is a man who refused to seek medical treatment abroad even when both of his kidneys were failing. 

The good men and women as usual do not get to be ministers. Those who can loot the state treasury and extort from contractors will get the kurchi. I think it would in the best interest of the country if Oli can also invite our Madhesi and Tharu politicians and make them deputy Prime Monsters as well. Yes, we need to offer some carrots because it seems that our protesters have the sticks.

Instead of being serious and holding meaningful talks with our Madhesi and Tharu politicians to resolve the current crisis, our incompetent government has been busy trying to figure out how to make everyone on the bandwagon happy when it comes to distributing ministerial portfolios.

Why not have a Mumbo Jumbo cabinet and beat the Sri Lankans?  Let us have 40 ministers, 40 state ministers and 40 deputy ministers and have our name in the Guinness World Records. Let us even invite our Kangaroos to be part of the 'looting' game. 

I think it's time Gagan Thapa became a minister. Apart from the 'I support (late) Ghaite' fiasco, he seems to be quite ready to be a mantri. It seems that he is destined to be a minister but we don't know when. It will probably happen at the same time when Prince 'Big Ears' becomes the King of England. But then Charles might just get off the train station and let his son be the King. 

If only Gyanu Uncle and his yes-men had learned a thing or two from the British Monarchy then he would still be hanging out at Narayanhiti. Hope Gagan gets to be a mantri some day but please don't go around supporting mundreys just because of your in-laws.

I think Oli should visit the Sri Lankan Embassy and ask the ambassador for some tips when it comes to the cabinet enlargement formula. Do not meet up with the Desi ambassador. He will only ask for fuel from No Oil Corporation (NOC). 

If you must meet him for chiya guff  then offer him a bottle of laxatives so that he can send it to Delhi and our Modi Bhai can take a sip and hopefully clear the current blockade. Modi has both the carrots and the sticks to make sure our Madhesi netas pack up and leave the no man's land.

Poor Kangaroos! They are left with nothing so they do want their own con artist to be the CEO of our National Reconstruction Authority (NRA). Why find ways to siphon off billions of Rupees when you can do so in dollars? 

Our politicians seem to forget that we were hit by the Big One and his little brother six months ago. Hundreds of thousands of our people are still forced to live in tents and tarps instead of proper housing. The monsoon came and went and the winter is here. Our incompetent government and civil servants seem to have no empathy at all. Our buffoons don't have any common sense either.

And for the past few months, we have been suffering from shortages of everything thanks to our great Madhesi and Tharu protestors with a little help from friends from across the border. Dashain was bland and so will be Tihar. But let us all celebrate Chhath like the world will end tomorrow because it might. 

Well, Russia wants to play some futsal in Syria. The Amrikans want to have some fun as well and before we know it we might have a World War III. The Chinese want to see how far their missiles can reach and before we know it, Lil' Kim wants to play some ping pong in Seoul and there we have it, the beginning of the end. 

No, I am not trying to scare anyone as if I have the power to do so.  But at least, we will have something more to talk about in chiya pasals as we bitch about the current crisis, call our politicians name and be a poet warrior by trying to rhyme everything with Modi and talk about how some French guy predicted that World War III will start from the Middle East. 

If it doesn't then we have no choice but to make sure that we keep ourselves warm this winter and have enough wood to enjoy the bonfire. 

I think folks in the valley should show our Madhesi netas that we support the Madhesi and Tharu folks but not the pickpockets who have enjoyed their 'looting spree' as government ministers earlier. 

Let us celebrate Chhatt like never before. Rajendra Mahato and his fellow hatemonger can take a hike. Our incompetent government, politicians and civil servants should join them as well. I think our Indian Embassy can offer all of them an all-India tour package that would last a decade. 

After all, it seems that most of the near and dear ones of our politicians and civil servants seem to be attending colleges in India on scholarship with great help from the Indian Embassy. Why can't the Indian Embassy come up with a gift hamper for all of our crooked clowns as well? 

Well, the only folks who seem to be creating obstacles when it comes to generating thousands of MW of electricity in this land seem to be our politicians and civil servants? If only our netas and hakim sahebs were smart then they would be allowing the Dumpling and Dosa gang to start a hydropower race on who will build more hydropower plants in our land?  

It seems that there is nothing wrong when public or private land can be leased out for thirty years to shopping complex developers whereas we can't do the same for our hydropower projects? That would be better than trying to sell the whole country to the highest bidder!

Why do we need a government and bureaucrats when they can't even fulfill our basic needs? We are left to fend for ourselves and we seem to be okay with that. Why do we have to pay taxes only to feed our civil servants and fund the luxurious lives of our politicians? 

I think it's about time we just stood still and come to our senses. It's time to take a stand. Should we just let our politicians enjoy the good life while we face shortages of everything? Or should we stand up and make sure that these crooks don't get to roll over us again and again while we slowly starve to death? 

At least comrade Biplab is waiting for Tihar to end so that he and his crew can begin their shutdown programs to protest against the shutdown by our folks in the plains. What an idea, Sirji!

Dear comrade, if you really feel for the people, then get all the trucks, go to the border and bring us some fuel and cooking gas so that we can at least visit our brothers and sisters during Bhai Tika and add on some calories this Tihar. And we can burn our calories later when we join your protest programs.


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Dashain Blues



We had a new Prime Monster a few weeks ago. KP Oli probably went to the tailor or asked the guy to come to his house to take his fitting for a new Daura-Suruwal. Most of us didn't get new clothes for Dashain because our byaparis could not get new stuff from Khasa. We didn't go to our relatives for Tika because we had no fuel or could not afford the taxi fare around town.

The only folks who really enjoyed Dashain were our new PM and his ministers. It's good to have free housing, vehicle and security and cooking gas as well, especially during such crisis. We see them driving around town in luxury vehicles with armed security personnel even when there is a massive shortage of fuel in the country. 

Why can't our politicians at least walk to work once a week just to show us that they feel our pain? Why can't they use a bicycle to move around town? If you don't have the stamina to pedal then get a rickshaw. Show us that you care and you are doing your best to not waste our taxpayers' money.

I guess the first priority for our government is to make sure that our freeloaders get enough fuel and cooking gas while the rest of the country gets nothing. Our civil servants as usual must have received Khasi and other gift hampers from our contractors and con artists who make loads of money from government contracts. Our liquor shops must have run out of Black Label.

It seems that KP Oli and his government is in no hurry to resolve the crisis in Tarai. The Oli government does not seem to be affected by the shortages of fuel, cooking gas and other essential items. After all, our politicians, civil servants and other thulo mancheys seem to get cooking gas and fuel without having to stay in line for days.  

Those who can afford it have no choice but to pay five times more for fuel and cooking gas in the black market. Those who can't afford it have no choice to but to buy wood to cook their food. 

I guess our government wants us to go back to the Stone Age. It's been 25 years since the end of the Panchayati system and we still seem to be going nowhere. Our politicians fattened their bellies and wallets while they forgot the poor and they will continue to do so until we are all broke and have nothing more for them to exploit and extort.

Our politicians should be thankful that we, the people have been patient so far. I guess we need someone to lead us and take to the streets to demand an end to all this natak.  Baidya Ba seems to be in hibernation. Whatever happened to his plans to invade India? 

Where is Comrade Biplab? Are they done digging tunnels or they have put their protest programs on hold because they don't have enough fuel to go around? Dr. Saheb must be busy still writing a manifesto for his new political party.

Our incompetent government is not ashamed of itself. Our students can't go to school. Hospitals do not have adequate supplies of medicine and other needed resources to run their operations smoothly. 

Our businesses do not have any resources to stay open. How will they pay their employees? Will our civil servants also take a pay cut? No,  our lazy bums want more allowances and increase in salary every year as they do less work than before.

Our Foreign Minister Kamal Dai visited Delhi and nothing came out of it. It seems that his 'Hindu' mojo has no effect on the Desis!  Kamal Dai should have organized a Rath Yatra in Delhi or just staged a sit-in in front of Modi's office until India lifted the blockade. 

Our media tells us that we will be getting fuel from China soon. Most of it will go to our government officials while some of us might get a few liters after waiting in line for a week. And for those who don't have the time or patience to stay in line, you can always buy it from our new 'fuel' byaparis who will charge you five times more. We hear that even some of our police personnel are involved in this new racket. 

Well, you have to find ways to make some Dashain Kharcha! I think our IGP  Saheb should order his men and women that fuel should also be included in the list of things they should say no to apart from Khasis and Whiskey this festive season.

We should all be proud that we have a first women speaker in the House and now we have a Madam President as well. Let us all hope that we will have a women PM before 2020. 

If our Kangaroos had not made a fool of themselves then our Sushil Da would be sunbathing in Sheetal Niwas. Our first President was a good man. I hope our new Madam President will think of herself as the guardian of the constitution and not just follow our Prime Monster's orders. After all, it would be pretty difficult to say No to the members of your own party. 

Madam President should visit our Tarai region and tell our Madeshi and Tharu leaders that they should stop acting like a five-year old kid who didn't get enough candy during Ramailo Mela. 

Our PM and his crew should be in Birgunj and hold talks there. If we can hold a cabinet meeting up in the mountains then why can't we do the same in the plains. What good is it if our government and security personnel can't even maintain law and order in this land and do whatever is needed to make sure that the common folks have enough of daily essentials? 

We are not asking for freebies like most of our netas. Just provide us the goods and we will pay for it. Let us all thank our protesters in Tarai for giving us a 'lean' Dashain. We are much healthier because we either had to walk around or eat less meat and fatty stuff as we did not get to visit our relatives. 

Maybe, Modi and his crew will lift the blockade after the elections in Bihar is over. Maybe, they won't. Maybe, we should just invite our Madeshi and Tharu brothers and sisters from the plains to gherao Baluwatar and Baneshwor. 

Maybe, our government will listen only when things get crazy in the valley. Until then, let us all congratulate ourselves for being patient and being able to adapt to any situation no matter how worse it gets. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Victory of Evil over Good!




Let us all congratulate KP Oli for becoming our Prime Monster. We now have another tenth grader living in Baluwatar but the only difference is that we really couldn’t understand what Sushil Da said while now, we won't understand what our new PM Oli meant when he goes on a rant.

I hope he will have a great time in Baluwatar like the rest of those who have lived there before him. Yes, it's fun to be a Prime Monster in this land of ours. Even if you last a year or two, you still get freebies for life. 

Our civil servants get to be lazy for only thirty years or when they reach the so-called retirement age. But our politicians don't have to worry about such stuff. They get to loot until the day they drop dead. 

We now have seven PMs in the past seven years. If this is the trend then we might as well provide a micro bus for pick up and drop off for our former Prime Monsters instead of providing them luxury vehicles, fuel, security, allowances and what not.  

When will our government learn to save a few Rupees instead of figuring out how to provide more state perks to our so called VVIPs who have never even done anything good for this country?

Let us hope that Oli will be the last of our politicians whose only claim to fame is spending years in prison during the 'Panchey' days.  Our dear Oli spent 14 years in prison. Maybe, he considers himself half of what Mandela was. 

Our politicians do not learn from Mandela, Martin Luther King or our chimeki Mohandas. Instead, they just want to make some moolah through any ill-gotten ways possible.

Oli's first priority should have been to talk to our Madhesi parties to end their andolan for at least a month. Yes, we all know that if our Madhesi netas back down then they will lose their face among the millions of folks in Terai. Let us also feel sorry for them. They didn't the start the fire. It was always burning but now nobody wants to be firefighters. 

At least when Modi called to congratulate Oli, he should have gently requested the Gujarati magician to tell our Madhesi netas to take a break for Dashain. Resume your andolan after Tihar. 

Let us at least get a cooking gas cylinder so that we can enjoy a meal of dal, bhat and khasi ko masu this Dashain. Let us get a little more petrol and diesel than what the government offered us this week so that we can at least visit a relative or two during Dashain. 

But of course, our netas have other priorities in mind. Oli's first priority was to tell us that 350 tuins across the country ill be replaced by suspension bridges within two years. 

We all know that out of the Rs 3 billion and more allocated for the bridges, half of it will probably go to pay off our civil servants, local politicians and mantris and anybody who has the connection to get a slice of the pie. 

And we know that after two years, there will not even a dozen or two new suspension bridges in this country.  

So this Oli government promises to make this country free of tuins in two years when it should have promised to make us totally zero-dependent on India when it comes to cooking gas and fuel in the next two years. 

We all know that it is not possible but at least, we could have something to cheer about. Oli should have stood on the roof of the CA building and promised us that a Nepali will land on Mars in two years. We would have clapped again.

But of course, our netas don't know how to win our hearts and minds. They only know how to break our hearts and make us lose our minds with promises they never intended to keep.

Oli needed the help of our Emperor Prachanda and Maharaja Kamal Dai. Our Maoists will get the Home ministry and many more. Kamal Dai is now our Deputy Prime Monster and Foreign Minister as well. Let's hope that he will spend as much as possible from our state treasury as he goes on a world tour. After all that's what our foreign ministers do. 

Well, Kamal Dai is leaving for Delhi today. Let us hope he will enjoy chai and samosas with our chimekis. It has taken Kamal Dai a decade to get back into the corridors of power. So, don't be surprised if such mandaley becomes our Prime Monster someday. 

It has happened before and it will happen again until so-called our visionary netas stop being so short-sighted and see the bigger picture instead of only fighting with each other over who gets to be a mantri. 

We will have our Maoists, Madhesi, Mandaleys and Mundreys (M&Ms) in the cabinet. It's sad that our Kangaroos won't be in the new government. That means, they will be the only ones without boras of cash when time comes for our general election in a few years.  

Oli and his crew will get to loot some of the funds meant for our earthquake victims. Our Madhesi, Mandeleys and Maoists ministers will get to make as much cash as possible for themselves and their parties as well. After all you need lots of notes to win the votes in this land of ours. 

No wonder, common folks see politics as a dirty game. Our politicians seem least interested to resolve the crisis in Terai. Our politicians have already forgotten our earthquake victims and their families. 

Dashain is supposed to be the celebration of victory of good over evil but every year, in this beautiful land of ours, the hardworking citizens can't afford to celebrate the festival whereas the evil doers bathe in bideshi whiskey and free khasi from the Nepal Food Corporation. 

Our government will never help us. Let us not expect anything from them. We have us. We have each other.! Let us not let our evil doers divide us and burn our homes while they enjoy the bonfire! We are good people and one day we will prevail and defeat our own ten-headed Ravana! 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com