Saturday, November 21, 2015

In Search of a Savior

The festival of lights is over and we all have no choice but to face the darkness that hovers around us. Our government bans firecrackers and imposes 10pm curfew even during the festive seasons. 

I guess such laws don't apply to Dohoris and Dance Bars that operate past midnight as their loud music disturbs the whole neighborhood. Our police chiefs and CDO sahebs only know how to make money from illicit deals. And we can't blame them either because they also need to pay the politicians who offered them lucrative postings. 

Look at the Desi and Dumpling folks. They celebrate their festivals by lighting firecrackers like crazy. Even the Amrikans go wild during their Independence Day. I guess you need to be a superpower or an emerging one to allow your citizens to light firecrackers during festive season. 

Well, we are a 'no' power nation when it comes to everything. We have no clout in the international arena. Our incompetent government seems to have no power to mobilize its security personnel to secure the highways and borders. 

And our dreams of generating 40,000 MW of power and making a killing by selling to the Desis and the Dim Sum wallahs will never materialize until the politicians and bureaucrats of today are long gone.

I think our Madhesi-Tharu politicians want to celebrate '100 days' of bandas while the Oli government wants to stay put and do nothing until their 100 days in power. 

We have to thank our protesters that while they are busy pelting stones and sleeping on no man's land during the day, they are busy filling up gas cylinders and sending it to customers in the valley at night. 

The government should stop publishing daily market prices for vegetables and stuff. Why not have a 'black market' price for cooking gas and fuel instead. The current black market price for a cooking gas cylinder is Rs 8,000 while petrol has come down to Rs 350 per liter from 500 a month ago. 

For 8,000 you will not get a sealed cylinder and a few kg less than the promised weight. But if you pay 10,000 then you are more than likely to get a full seal-packed gas cylinder. 

We all know that our 'No Oil Corporation' (NOC) is involved in the black market. The hakim saheb at NOC is a crook but nobody can touch him. He is where he is because of source force and to get rid off him would mean millions of Rupees less for our politicians who put him there. 

Our gas bottlers are in it as well. Our police personnel, especially those who hang around gas depots and fuel stations during distribution day take their cut. I think the government should just allow anyone to sell fuel and cooking gas. Let hundreds of thousands of our unemployed youth walk to the border everyday and fill up our gas cylinders. 

Our Madhesi-Tharu politicians could also make a killing if they took a 'protection' kharcha from the blackmarketers as well. Everybody makes money while we , the common folks will be the ones who will pay them all so that we can at least survive until all this natak is over. 

But now the question is not when the current crisis will be resolved but how long will our current ruling coalition of chors will last and when will we have the next band of thieves to be mantris and enjoy the freebies from the state?

It's time we all woke up from this nightmare and teach our politicians a thing or two about humanity and compassion. I think it's about time we asked our Pujaris, Monks, Padres, Imams and religious leaders of other faith to come together to give a crash course to our chors on how to be a good human being instead of being slimy corrupt con artists. 

Maybe, our religious leaders can scare our politicians that they will burn in hell if they continue to make millions of Nepalis suffer for their own personal gain. But that might not be enough because it would be like trying to scare the devil by warning him that he will burn in hell. How in the world did we create such monsters who have no sympathy for the suffering of the people?

Our Madhesi-Tharu politicians think that holding millions of people hostage by blocking the borders will give them a few more provinces. Our incompetent government seems to have no one to give them advice on what do that would be in the best interest of the country? Where have all the experts gone? I guess they are all busy trying to figure out how to make more money from the crisis instead of resolving it.

Comrade Biplab told us that he would start his protest programs after Tihar. I guess he is still busy digesting all the food he must have gorged on during Tihar. Let us forget our politicians because we all know that they are good for nothing jackasses. Do we really need someone to lead us? Do we really need one person to be the face of our protest programs? Why can't we all get together and plan something. 

Let us all form a tole-basi protest group. Let's get not the oldest but the youngest one in the neighborhood to lead us. Maybe a recent SLC graduate can be the face of our protest program!. 

Let us invite our Aama Samuha, the usual lazy bums who hang out at local chiya pasal all day talking politics, the gang of junkies and drunks, the local barber, electrician and butcher and of course everyone, even the expat who is here to help Nepal or to help him or herself in the name of Nepal as well. 

Let us engage everyone from our toles to visit the residence of our Madhesi and Tharu politicians who thinks that there is no other way out of this mess except by shutting us all down. 

Let us place a hundred kg garland on our politician's neck. Offer him ladoos and pedas and thank him or her for making sure that we all suffer. Let us play some Bollywood tunes and even invite Manoj Gajurel to be Modi as we dance all day in front of the residence of the Madhesi-Tharu leaders as well as those of politicians of major political parties. 

Let's play a late Deusi at Baluwatar!  What about the Indian Embassy? Leave the Desis alone. We can do a blockade at Lazimpat if India invades Maldives!

Oli and his crew of misfits cannot keep on blaming India. The problem is in our house. We are looking for a savior to bring all our chors together so that our lives will go back to normal instead of worrying about how to get the next cylinder of gas or enough fuel to get to work. 

We want our lives back. If you want to lead then please raise your hand. Just take a step forward and we will follow. We don't care about politics and provinces. We just want Nepali people to be able to buy daily stuff needed to survive. Is that too much to ask for? 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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