Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Rajnikanth... for PM!

Our hero, Rajnikanth is sick rey... he was flown to Singapore and admitted to them ICU ... get well soon Rajni dai! And since our netas are still trying to figure out who will be the head coach for the next three months... I suggest ... we make Rajni our PM kya!

No, he is a Desi.... so what? Our so-called netas are always meeting them RAW agents and Desi ambassador and kissing their arses... if Rajni is our PM then our netas can save on them air tickets and hotel sotel kya! They can always go to Baluwatar and kiss Rajni's arse!

Everybody is into political parties these days. So why not we ... open one ourselves as well? Instead of them Mao, Lenin, Stalin ... them grumpy old men ko photos... we will have our three superstars from the Dosa, Burger and Dumpling lands!

Yes..Rajnikanth, Chuck Norris and Jackie Chan ko photo haroo taloom nuh hamro banner maa! We can name our party .. 'Nepal RCJ Party' or something like that. And when Rajni is our PM, we can't blame him for all them double speak nataks.. because he speaks Tamil and we won't understand a thing kya!

Rajni won't need them double security or triple-decker security like our Mao-buddies. We save our taxpayers money ni! No gas-guzzling SUVs and traffic jams ... and if there is a bandh, Rajni dai will clear it by himself. He don't need no chor-police or them army srmy folks kya and he has enough current surrent that if he puts his finger into them transmission line sine.... there will be no loadshedding rey!

And we thought Prachandoo was a crackpot but looks like even his son, our current Crown Prince, Prakash Dahal (Prada) is not only smoking crack but he must be getting high on them glue stuff as well! He plans to climb Mt. Everest and plant them Maoist flag slag rey!

You can't climb them mountains by drinking all day and crashing in them sofas kya! And he is going to climb Everest with his two bodyguards rey! Lau.. badhai cha... but climbing them mountains is not easy ... first try walking from Naya Bazar to Paris Danda kya!

If it had been Rajni, he would have climbed all by himself in a t-shirt and a kattoo.. tyo pani .. beating Usain bolt's 100m dash ko record secord!

Prakashey's real name is 'Sakar Dahal' rey... I think he needs to add another 'r' hola... make it 'Sarkar' .. hehe .. and even though he has not even bought any running shoes (ali ali training tuh garnoo paryo ni!) and needs to be reminded that chicken chilly and whisky is not a good diet for them climbing slimbing thing... but he is vary vary confident that he will climb Everest rey!

So ... as a last option soption.. chahi.. Sarkar Dahal can hire our Sherpa brothers to be his guide hola and if he can't make it on his own then they can carry him in them doko soko.... and now all them hotel sotel wallahs in them Everest area should be worried because where go Mao-buddies.. there come extortion kya!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Valid till 90 days!

Our EU-wallahs, the (UN)neccesary folks and the rest of the world are happy that our so-called netas have extended their expiry date ... again! Our CA members were crashing in them sofas, chairs.. bichara... if only Red Bull had sponsored the whole event... then our clowns would have been more alert hola!

And Jhallu Baba is not leaving Baluwatar unless all them fools come up with a new prime-monster rey! If Makune (Madhav Kumar Nepal) can be our caretaker PM for seven months then why can't Jhallu get some R&R @ Baluwatar ... hoinuh ruh?

He can now relax, watch them comedy stuff on Desi Channels and wait for the call kya! Maybe he should just look around them hydro-power projects for new SUVs... our netas take home a free vehicle every tyam they walk out the door!

Kamal Thapa & Co. must have sent their cadres home... because I don't see any multi-colored RPP flags around town! And Kamal dai has decided that his CA members won't take their paychecks for the extended term rey! Wow... good job, and how about a refund (last three years ko!) as well?

Kamal dai doesn't need them 50K a month. He got to spend Rs 500,000 a day when he was them home minister kya! So... he must have few crores lying around hola ni!

And Count Prachula thinks if it weren't for them 5-point deal between them three idiots, then there would have been a 'big accident' in the country rey! Thanks a lot.... now I guess we don't have to worry about another so-called accident for the next three months!

And the next 90 days will be the 'biggest test' for them political parties and the people rey! Prachula should stop mentioning the 'people' kya! We are really tired of hearing this... it was never about us... it has been more of a 'pee on the people' for the last three years... hasn't it?

Looks like no more bandhs planned in the valley anytime soon.... I guess Kamal Thapa has three more months to plan ... a bigger, better nautanki nataks hola! And our Nepal police can go back to drinking on duty, harassing people and doing what they do best... nothing!

So now.. instead of focusing on them integration nataks, constitution writing and what not.. our netas will spend the next 90 days trying to divide them ministries and Prachula will make sure that Dr. Saheb is not heading to Baluwatar!

Prachula is very confident that we are finally moving towards the path of peace , prosperity and independence rey! What? Yes ... we are very confident too but we don't get them security like you do and no, we haven't made billions from them extortion rackets like you have and talking about independence... we are not the ones who hid in Delhi and signed them 12-point deal kya... if you think you have broken free from the Desis then why on earth are you still kissing their arses ni!

Nothing wrong with kissing arses hola.... but if you are sleeping with the Desis then just come out the closet and admit it kya! We are tired of hearing them 'Anti-India' nataks ..... your cadres blow up them factories, burn down them hydro-power projects... baroo.... maybe you should be thankful to them Desis because if it weren't for them.... Gyanu uncle would still be giving them boring speeches and Kamal dai would be playing tennis @ the home ministry!

Let the countdown begin... our netas have wasted three years .. doing nothing! So expecting them to wrap it up in the next three months is like asking Stephen Hawking to believe in God! I have no idea what that meant.. hehe .... but it's not going to happen. You know it... I know it but we still try to believe that it will happen like them Man U fans who thought Rooney could ruin Barca's run.. haha!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Republic Day.....

We celebrate 'Praja-tantra Diwas' ... that's when we brought King Tribhy back from Delhi. Then we celebrate 'Lok-tantra Diwas' that's when we brought King Prachandoo back from Delhi! And today, we celebrate 'Gana-tantra Diwas' ... the day our CA members decided to declare our nation, a Republic! Wow.. so many tantras... but still no mantras for peace hagi?

So let's all be happy and party .... because in the last three years, lot of 'ripping-off-the-public' going on by our so-called political parties and their chamchas ... innit?

As you can see.... the capital of Nepal is... Delhi.. hehe! But we should stop getting depressed kya! While we were watching Messi and his friends making fun of rowdy Rooney and his cronies... our great three idiots and their chamchas were working over-tyam! No chicken chilly, no beer seer, no wearing them football jerseys and having fun.... extending the CA is a serious job myaan.... so let's cut some slack for our corrupt clowns hai!

The SPAM (Seven Party Alliance + Maoist) signed them 12-point deal seal in Delhi so that they could stop Gyanu uncle from getting paid Rs 60 crores a year in bhatta-satta! Thank God... we are a Republic because now 600+ clowns get paid to do nothing instead of just one ni!

Then our comrades.. the MULA (Maoist+UML Losers Alliance) signed them 7-point deal in Prachandoo's bedroom and we had Jhallu Baba as our new prime-monster!

And now... Praise the Desis... we have a 5-point deal seal by our new rock band, the CUM (Congress-UML-Maoist) .... and according to this new deal..... our three idiots have agreed to extend their paychecks by another six months (three months pahila ani feri thup-thaap garney) but they will give us the first draft of the constitution in the next 90 days and they want to make Nepal Army more inclusive and Jhallu Baba will get a new SUV as he sings 'bye bye' !

Three years gone... .and we still don't have them first draft! When it comes to writing... them first draft sraft means nothing..... edit sedit garnoo paryo.... and finally two-third majority lay pass garnoo paryo.. hoinuh ruh? So .... our clowns will finally write them constitution in the next 180 days? I don't know..... we are still trying to figure out out these buffoons did for the last 1,000 days kya!

And everybody wants NA to be like our Nepal Police.... I don't know what this inclusive means.... the Madeshis want their own regiment, the Maoist want their own thing or does it mean that we want a thulo-jaati to be our army chief while a jan-jaati becomes a prime-monster?

If Prachandoo has such a NA-fetish then why not switch roles kya... it's only for another six months... General Gurung can be our pradhan-mantri and Prachandoo can be the army chief! Hey.. wait a minute... feri tyehi state capture rapture ko natak nai rahecha... hamro comrades haroo kya cha-laak chan hai!

And the Madeshi parties .... lai counter-sounter dee-naw abuh the Indy-Genius party kholney rey! Yes.. the NEFIN (Nepal Federation of Indigenous Nationalities) guys are starting their own party rey! Nepali Citizens Party (NCP) is our new party in town... no more acting like NGO and getting funded by DFID hola ni!

Them Madeshi parties tell us that they are fighting for the people of Madesh... by drinking whisky with the Indian Ambassador and singing Bollywood songs with them RAW agents! Hope our Jan-Jaati party will not be running to the EU-wallahs and sing them Euro-trash dance numbers.. haha!

Abuh .. it's about tyam we also start our own parties kya! It looks like we will have the next general election by 2012... so let's all get ready to rumble! All them folks who hate the government and don't like the police solice... let's join the NAP (Nepal Anarchist Party) ... if you favor caning them mundrey goondas ... then join the PAP (People's Action Party) ... if you just want to be like any other party then join the BAP (Bandha Again Party)... lau sabai ladi badhai cha hai!

Congrats to our clowns for agreeing to disagree for the next six months. Congrats to our President... dear sir, please enjoy the military parade today @ Tundikhel... Congrats Barca and Messi.... Rooney can go to hell! And Congratulations to all of us ... it's tyam to be taken for another joy-ride by our netas again!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

One More Year...

Our corrupt clowns will extend the CA's term by a year .... our Supreme Court says .. 'six months max' but the law is only for us common citizens and not for our corrupt clowns kya!

Barcelona will be playing 'total football' today and hope Messi dunks over Rooney. Oops.. sorry, this ain't no basketball but I am rooting for Barca because I have always been a Liverpool fan since I was 7.

Those were them glory days for Liverpool. They had Ian Rush, Bruce Gobby-liar and all them khatara players.... but now Kenny Daglish is back coaching them so I guess Liverpool will turn around hola! All my friends are Man Utd. fans ... well, nearly 87% of Kathmanduites seem to love the Red Devils!

Was going to Bouddha this morning.... our Pancheys have indeed done a good job , bringing folks from all over the country. Before we used to see them 'Red' flags... now it's all multi-colored RPP flags all over town!

Hope they have better lodging and fresh dal bhaat tarkaari unlike them 'shutdown' last year by the Maoists where thousands of folks had to sleep in them floors and eat stale food sood kyaaruh!

Kamal Thapa is busy hanging out in front of BICC.... and Gyanu uncle has met with them RAW agents for dinner rey and he has asked the Desis for some special favors. He wants to be 'King' again and he believes that Kamal & Co. will help him to get back his 'throne' .... lau ... Gyanu uncle ... if you had made deals with them Desis then you would still be King kya!

Yes, it's sad but that's the only formula for success in Nepali politics. You have to make a deal with the devil .... (no, I am not saying the Desis ....I love Katti Rolls.. hehe!) ...I guess our netas and them so-called 'Lord Vishnu(s)' do forget to read them history books kya!

Nepal police has beefed up security in the valley. And once again our local burglars have done us proud by stealing them paisa saisa, TV CV from a DSP's house! Last year, they burglarized a DIG's (Deputy Inspector General) residence!

I guess everybody is downsizing hola hai.... no more jagga dalals to extort these days because the land prices in the valley is down as well. But our burglars need to move a step up hola... why not burglarize them CA members ko ghar?

Try Prachandoo's palace in Naya Bazaar... haha.... he has like 80 security officials paid for by the taxpayers and another 75+ PLA men who are also paid for by the public! Yes , he is the new King of Nepal. No wonder, Gyanu Uncle is pissed... he gets less security and perks then our netas!

But why is Gyanu uncle still getting them benefits and security and what not? I don't know.... even Kamal Thapa, our former Home Minister during 'Gyanu Times' still gets them police-wallahs!

Yestai ho Naya Nepal maa.. when it comes to misusing government vehicles and security, our corrupt clowns do each other them favors so even if them tide changes, whoever is outside the fence still gets some love from the state kya!

Gyanu uncle... I think you should quit smoking and just be the chairman of the RPP and maybe you will win a seat from Kathmandu and then you can just do a bandh around Nirmal Niwas every other day!

Mr. Bijukche, the chairman of the Nepal's Workers and Peasants Party (NWPP) has decided to vote for the CA's term extension! What? This is the same guy who wanted a President's rule a year ago! And our President happens to be his classmate kyaaruh.. so I guess Bijukche got his few crores from the comrades!

The Unidentified Moronic Losers (UML) change their wardrobe faster than Lady Gaga.... so they will vote for it anyway while our Congressi babus are just acting like they are tough but they will be happy if they get to share the pie so let's see how it goes ... we still have few hours to go!

Prachandoo and his gang will lose the most if they don't get one more year of 'free looting' ... it's hard to go the jungle now .... hoinuh ruh? And our President is happy doing his Yoga and drinking doodh chiya in the morning... he doesn't want to get ulcers now!

And we think we should also extend 'Visit Nepal Year 2011' for one more year as well. If we had no bandas then maybe we could have gotten them 'million' tourists hola... or maybe we can extend this 'tourism' thing until we get our consitution... hoinuh ruh?

So let's celebrate 'VNY 2012' .. maybe we can get few folks from London who want to get out of their country during them Olympics kya!

Barcelona will win .... my prediction is 3-1 , Messi scores two! And our netas also win .. CA 3 People 0!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Holy Cow....

Another bandh today... this tyam our 'Hindu' gangsters have shut down the valley because they want to go back to the 'Lord Vishnu' days! Well... they should have done all the bandhs and what not when Lord Vishnu was still around ni ... hoinuh ruh?

The local chiya pasal is where Nepal's experts, so-called intellectuals and conspiracy theorists hang out and I go there now and then to find out what our 'buddhi-jivis' are talking about! Hari dai... the only man in our tole who has never ventured outside Ward # 13 is the 'guy who knows everything' and when he speaks... everybody listens or they act like they do!

Hari dai says.... "The Maoists will agree to hand over them weapons in the next three months and they will sign them agreement sagreement and the CA will be extended for another six months but Jhallu Baba will be kicked out of Baluwatar and Prachandoo will be the head coach again!"

The neighborhood devil's advocate shouts back, "But if Prachandoo hands over the bandooks then he will probably get one up his arse as well" .... and the Raja-badi chimes in... "Gyanu Uncle will come back again.... the Maoists need Raja like Jungay did."

Finally, the tole's poet laureate gives his dui-sabda (two cents) .... 'who cares?' and he is probably right..... it doesn't matter who leads the government, who gets them ministries .... it's the same ... not much will change ... our lives won't change for the better.... it will only get worse from here!

And the question of the day is .... 'to eat or not to eat steak?' .... hehe! Our so-called 'Hindu' organizations are really pissed at everyone. We are no longer the only Hindu Kingdom in the world. Our national animal is now a 'Boiler Chicken' instead of a 'Cow' ... and the list goes on and on kya!

Every day, we hear them stories about innocent village ladies being accused of playing with tarot cards and casting spells and trying to para-glide with a broom! And them villagers get together and beat these women and force them to eat shit and stuff! Where were our Ram and Laxman then?

Maybe our Hindu fundamentalists should first fight against the prejudice against the so-called untouchables!When a lower-caste man gets married to a so-called 'thulo' jaat ko woman .... them villagers act like a bunch of Talibans and banish them. The sano-jaat folks are still barred from them temples in them villages and get their arse kicked for using them wells or water taps kyaaruh!

Instead of running around Kathmandu and chanting 'Hamro Raja Hamro Desh' .... and doing them torch rallies... go back to them villages and teach them thulo jaats to accept everyone as human beings and respect others regardless of their castes sasts.. kya!

It doesn't really matter if you like steak, chapati, dumplings or biryani... or believe in Ram, Buddha, Jesus or Allah or the force and pray to the Jedis.....(like I do...hehe!) ... but be a good person! Help the poor and the needy, don't kiss arses just to get ahead.... embrace and love all!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Three Idiots...

First of all, thank you to these buffoons (maathi ko picture ko) for organizing a rally in the middle of the day. You can stop them Kathmandu ko traffic ... if you have 100 folks dancing in the middle of the street. And 100,000 folks have to suffer and watch these clowns pass by .... even our police-wallahs are like... making way for these mid-day party animals!

And the Champions League Final is only on Saturday.... I don't why them Manchester United fans have to get so pumped up by Thursday kya.. hehe! Kamal Thapa and his 'We want Lord Vishnu' gang are busy ... heard thousands of folks were ferried in from Terai... hope our Pancheys also brought in tons of flour and green chillies.... and pyaz syaz as well!

After all... we all have to eat ni... and I feel sorry for them so-called 'Visit Kathmandu 2011' domestic tourists...hehe! May is not a good month to protest kya! It's hot.... dhulo mulo , and then when you drink them tanker ko paani and baasi khana... then you get jhaada-pakhalaa!

Two more days to go.... and our three big idiots ... them Mao-buddies, Kangaroos and Unidentified Moronic League members are busy hanging out in them resort ... trying to make a deal rey! These three idiots have their meetings all the time and it always ends without any agreement.

If you meet up and always fail to find a solution then why do they meet ... hoinuh ruh? Or they just want to hang out at them five-star hotels because they are tired of going to each other homes and being offered them same doodh-chiya and cell-roti!

The last tyam.. our idiots agreed to something was when they signed them agreement to join hands and go all out against uncle Gyanu... and now we do look like fools .. don't we? Hundreds of thousands of Kathmanduites came out even when there was a curfew and our security forces had no choice but to restrain themselves. Finally, uncle Gyanu said... 'Okay, I give up!' and we thought our so-called leaders would do the right thing this tyam around.. but look where we are today!

Same old song.... playing on repeat.... we got rid of one King so that we could have a dozen more ... from one country... we are slowly disintegrating into 24 little kingdoms... so is this the 'New Nepal' we envisioned?

We can't blame all our CA members... most of them are just happy to get paid on tyam and some of them are in a hurry to make a quick buck by selling their passports and what not! Prachandoo doesn't want to let go of his army... Congressis just want to hang in there and UML will change sides faster than Lady Gaga changes her undies!

And let's get back to the Pancheys again.... thanks to Kamal Thapa and his cadres for organizing a torch rally after 7pm.. when most of us are rushing to go home... you made us all walk .... which is fine.. good for health sealth .. but them @#$!ing fumes from them so-called torches only made us nauseous and next tyam... do a torch rally in the winter ..... we will walk beside you (ali nyano hooncha ki?) and hold it at midnight .... so when our party animals get done with their parties.. they can safely walk home without our chor (police) giving them a hard tyam!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Care for a Danish?

The Government of Denmark has once again decided to throw their taxpayers money away by providing nearly a billion Rupees to our great government for the implementation of the 3rd phase of 'Nepal Peace Support Program' rey! Just curious but what did the 1st and the 2nd phase accomplish kya? I don't even know what they did .... organize them peace-building workshops hola ni!

Them EU-wallahs, mostly the salmon-eating Vikings from Denmark, Norway etiyaadi are really happy to support Nepal kyaaruh! That's great but will our netas learn a thing or two from Denmark? Well, they get to visit them Scandinavian countries for them gosti-sosti (conference sonference bhanya kay!)

Maybe the Danish should send Brigitte Nielsen to Nepal as their 'Peace Ambassador-ni' or something... we are tired of seeing grumpy old men, fighting with each other and making fools of themselves... baroo Briggie auntie ayo bhaney at least our media will have something to write about and we don't have to puke each day when we see the same three idiots on them front pages kya!

Let's look at Denmark.... only 5+ million Vikings but they seem to be very happy and the one of the least corrupt nations in the world! So does that mean... we should ask 25 million Nepalis to migrate... so our population gets downsized and we will have the same population and still be unhappy and win the 'most corrupt' award hola ni!

Well, we already have 10 million Nepalis (counting the ones in Bollywood!) working in foreign lands and yestai taal ho bhanye... the only ones left in this great nation of ours will be them netas and their chamchas!

Denmark is a constitutional monarchy.... okay, Kamal Thapa should have been suffering from laryngitis by now but since he is the National tennis champion (veterans!) ... I guess playing tennis helps to keep your voice box intact hola ni!

He's been shouting for 'Return of the Mack' (tyo gana khoob chalya tyhiyo ni ek jawana ma!) for the longest tyam... but I guess Gyanu uncle should have played his cards right then.... now we will only have Madeshi Maharajas and Mao-buddies to carve the boiler chicken into two... hehe!

Denmark is a mixed-martial arts country... oops, meant mixed-market capitalist economy but at the same tyam.... it's so big on welfare that all food-stamps wallah in Amrika would like to move to Denmark rey!

Mao-buddies should learn a thing or two when it comes to them hiring and firing policy .... just look at Denmark kya! Very flexible slexible rey... unlike here in Nepal, where you can hire a fool who can't use a tool but if you want to fire him then it's better to set your factory on fire or else the trade-union wallahs will come and do it for you anyway.. hehe!

Them income taxes are high as well but that's why they get free education , health care and what not ni.... so if you are making tons of money then you pay the taxes by the truck kya! But here in Nepal, our communists would rather help our businessmen evade taxes so that they can get funds for their own party karyakarams rather than helping the poor and the needy!

Our Maoists talk about 'free' education but at the same tyam, extort millions of Rupees from them private-school wallahs.. baroo tax them school owners, hospital sahu-jis and provide better services in them government hospitals and public schools ni! Khoi.... can't blame these communists.... they don't have any economics major jasto cha hai!

Prachandey only knows about animal husbandry so if you want to castrate your khasi then go to him (well, he went to Rampur so that class was extra credit rey!). Makune used to be a government employee so he only knows how to read newspapers, drink tea and spend all day sun-bathing!

What about Jhallu? Well, he used to be a teacher once.. tyo pani public school ko.... so he only knows how to teach few lessons a day and wait for the paycheck hola ni!

Abuh kehi bhaye-naw bhaney.... them Danish-Norwegian wallahs should just send them pop band .. 'Aqua' to visit Kathmandu and give us a concert in Rangasala..... maybe JPR events can organize this natak as well! And for the sake of peace-building.... free entry gardim nuh... these EU-wallahs can write it off ... and JPR can get paid from the Nepal Peace Support Program.. hoodai-nuh?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Shutdown again.. and again!

Another bandh again... this tyam by our hero, Matrika Dai, the Mao-buddy comrade who told Prachandoo to '@#$! off' and formed his own party in Terai kyaaruh! Matrika Dai used to be our 'Slapping Mantri' when the comrades were heading the government.

Matrika was a real comrade! He didn't drink Black Label or gorge on chicken chilly like our great chairman. He would drink doodh-chiya and have moori all day and go around town slapping them civil servants kyaaruh!

Now, Matrika is busy with his 'hafta-asooli, pataka-dhamaka' acts in Terai.... kay garne... the Nepali Rajnikanth lai Mao-party ma kunai role bhaye-naw rey! So, finally he gets to do a bandh in Kathmandu! Lau badhai cha hai!

The President of 'All Nepal United Conspiracy Theorists' (ANUCT) tells me that after May 28th, we will have a President's rule rey! So... he asked me if I knew any army majors from the local camp so he could go there and play ping pong.. hehe!

But our dear old President is like 'Naah.. I ain't playing the DJ kya' ... so I guess... we will just have one more year of 'dance party' for our CA members! But the Madeshi Forum folks have split again and if we don't have two-third majority to extend the CA's term then fasad parcha ni!

Our Mao-buddies are running around town trying to throw some $$$ at the small parties rey! And they are offering our Congressis .... like.. 50 crores so that CA gets its one year extension and tyes pachi mili-juli sarkar banau-ney rey.. which means.... share the loot by dividing them ministries but then Congressis would like the 'Home' ministry. We all love home ... don't we?

Prachandoo wants to be the prime-monster again, Matrika would like to start a slapping campaign ... well if he did then, he could get a million party members hola! Sujata auntie would like to get a ministry so that she doesn't have to spend her days, drinking whisky and doing a dance number for her Marwari boyfriend!

Ani what about us? We just want these bandhs to end so that we can go to work, school or if you are a mundrey goonda then you can go to them tender-sender places and get some dough for all them sword-fighting demonstrations ni!

Yestai ho.. Naya Nepal ma.... we only know how to shutdown .... maybe we should ask Bill Gates to come down to Kathmandu and give our netas and their chamchas a crash course on ... how to turn on the computer or something kya!

If shutting down the valley is the solution to all them problems.. then how about shutting down the whole country for another year till our corrupt clowns get done with this constitution (writing) thing... hoinuh ruh?

And we can all pack our bags and go for a year long trekking srekking kya.... abuh 1 million tourists are not coming so... let's all pitch in and climb them mountains, go rafting safting, hiking siking and make NTY 2011 a success!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Tax the Poor...Feed the Rich!

The communists are supposed to be for the people hoinuh ruh? Our Mao-buddies did all that daang-doong for the people... yah right! Even our Congressis are actually socialists and not them so-called capitalist pigs ni! But we have had 3 communist prime-monsters in the last two years and what have they done for the people? Nothing!

All that talk about 'civilian supremacy' is nothing but just another opportunity for our so-called leaders to rule over the bureaucracy while our civil servants rule over us! Has anything changed in them sarkari offices since 2006? Nothing!

They had the 'evil' king to blame for the last 50 years.... but now we don't have anyone to blame .... so maybe our so-called leaders can blame the people for everything that's wrong with the country today!

We have a communist finance minister who likes to sleep with the business-wallahs! Nothing wrong in starting your own business and making profits but if you are selling adulterated goods which screws up our vehicles, our health and our homes then the government should take action against them racketeers ni.. hoinuh ruh? But what does our government do? Nothing!

The fake-VAT bill-wallahs and tax evaders are getting richer every day while majority of the people are barely making enough to survive! Thank you communists.... for fighting for the proletariat!

And now our finance minister, VAT Mohan Adhikari wants to match or beat them revenue collection by the Mao-buddies but since the economy is @#$ed ... and the jagga-dalals aren't making a dime ... so who do we tax? The people.. of course... wah rey.. kya idea .... tyehi paw-dya thiyo yee daka communists haroo lay!

Now, if you run across the border to buy some noon, tel (oil) and some biskoot and kurta surta then you will be taxed rey! So anything over Rs 100.. you have to pay them taxes so that our sarkari hakims can get more benefits and our netas can get free sarkaari vehicles long after their tenure is over!

Yes, we share them open border with the Desis and our smugglers make billions of Rupees a year by bribing our custom officials, them APF border patrols and our netas get a piece of the cut as well!

And if you are coming back from school, work or just ghoom-ghaam then don't be surprised if them airport-chors want to tax your digital camera or laptop.... that's how we roll in Nepal! Janta lai dookhaw diney, sarkari chor ruh neta haroo lai chai sabai choot soot kya!

So ... Mr. VAT Mohan, instead of taxing the poor, why not go after them tax evaders, smugglers and the fake-VAT bill wallahs? If you are a 'real' communists then show us your 'sickle & hammer' tattoo .. even if it's on your buttocks.

We normally don't want to see a grumpy old man's arse-tattoo but show us that your are a real communist kya (like them Obama's birth certificate hehe). Our communists better stick to their 'Red' book instead of acting like them Amrikans who don't mind buying 'Made in China' stuff but then go out to DC for them 'Free Tibet' rallies!

What? I don't know where that came from .... but yes, our communists should either learn a thing or two from Cuba and not try to be like that Kimmy guy from North Korea! Or we can learn a thing or two from them as well!

That is.. either let's go nuclear so everybody is scared of us and gives us more $$$ not to blow shit up or we roll like Castro... I meant the cigar ni feri.... so that we can sell the world them cigar wigar etiyaadi.. Cubans may want to swim to Miami and join the MLB (Baseball!) but they do have the best health care stuff rey!

Baroo.. our communists should change their political status ni... stop being fake-communists.... we have had it with all your BS.... real communists don't run around town in the gas-guzzling SUVs with all them security kya... they either walk to work or hop on a tyampoo! Ho ruh? Khoi... communists haroo tyesto po hoo-noo parcha bhanya kay!

Maybe... we need a new political party hola... 'Robin Hood Party of Nepal' Ro.Ho.P.o.N ... yes, let us all get together and start a new musical band! Unlike our current bands who break up every six months.. the current band to split is the MPRF.. the Madeshi rock band kyaaruh .. and it's not the first tyam.... fourth tyam rey! Just imagine 'New Kids on the Block' splitting over and over again and they are left with one guy hanging around the stage kya!

We the RoHoPoNs will stick together and no we won't steal from the rich ... and give it to the poor!
We will just make sure that these racketeers are held accountable and their ill-gotten wealth confiscated .. ani kay garney, tyo paisa lay sabai thau ma bato ghato, toilet soilet banau-ney...

So people from Jomsom can come down to Kathmandu for the weekend , sell their apples, make some dough and won't have to hugging out in the open while they travel kya!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Warriors...

The Bandh season is in full swing... started with a Newa-Tamang combo platter and then came the jan-jaatis (indy-genius) folks doing their 'shut down' natak.. and now we have the 'Warriors' aka 'Chhetris' doing their thing! And maybe next week, the priestly class will do their holy chants as well!

We finally got rid of a 'King' and from one kingdom... we are now disintegrating into 24 fiefdoms hola! Everybody wants their rights but we tend to forget that with rights come them responsibilities kya!

But when our netas are not responsible then our so-called "fight for your jaat ko right sight" wallah will not listen to anyone hoinuh ruh? And the funny thing is that .. all our human-rights folks, so-called civil society leaders , jan-jaati fighters and the warriors who are now going around town with them bamboo sticks are all members of one political party or another!

And at the end of the day, we... the people get screwed while them bandh-wallahs get a free ride to Kathmandu and a 'masoo-bhat' for a day! And our 10+2 students had to do some hiking in order to give their exams! No wonder... our young folks want to get the hell out of this country, ramro sangaw pawd-naw pani na-pai-ney!

So what do our 'warriors' want? They want a different state like everybody else... they also want to be known as the 'indy-genius' and they want reservations in them state agencies rey! Lau jaa... hope the priestly class also demand their own state... but if they do that .. then most of our netas will have to move there and if they stand up for election then all our recent prime-monsters will have to battle it out in the priestly state hola!

And our Nepali Congress aka Kangaroos.. have ordered all their CA members to not leave town until May 28th! So that on D-Day .. our Kangaroos will be doing some hopping around BICC!

And our good for nothing AIGs (we have 8) ..... will be transferred to them so-called regional centers so that they can lead the 'war against goonda-gardi' before our great netas extend the CA term rey!

Lau badhai cha... why the hell do we need 8 AIGS? They really don't have anything better to do... they all hang out in the valley and make deals left and right and don't let the SPs run the show kyaaruh! I think it's about tyam.. we just get rid of our Nepal police because in the last 50 years, they have only protected the netas and their chamchas while them jantas are harassed and tortured!

The Maoists plan to do their rallies from Wednesday rey... lau jaa, maybe it's about tyam , we declare May as the 'month of bandhs' in our new constitution kya!

Yes.... come May, we all leave town and even our tourists will know that May is not the month to visit Nepal. This will really screw up the mountain-wallahs ko schedule ... because May is like the month to climb Everest kyaaruh! So.. maybe climb the mountain a month before ni... hoinuh?

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Naughty @ 40....

Bollywood has them dancing stars, action-hero-hira-lals and them 'I can do everything' superstars kyaaruh! Govinda could do no wrong in the 80s .... and he came back from the dead in the 90s thanks to David Dhawan and his 'too hot for Desis' comedy series...hehe!

Then Govinda got lost but he did become them MP but after five years of doing nothing for his constituency .. he decided to come back to Bollywood! Govinda should start doing them 'Uncle' roles hola... because he can't be a 23 year old like Aamir Khan or throw his t-shirt and dance around like Salman ni!

I think the best option for our superstar .. Govinda would be to do his own 'dancing' show on TV or open a 'dancing school' in Mumbai! Them pelvic thrusts don't work anymore in them Bollywood movies but will still do some chamatkar in the south kyaaruh!

Govinda has a Nepali Indian wife... so he can come to Kathmandu and do a Nepali movie or two.... maybe open another dancing school in Kathmandu as well! But if he still wants to do them Bollywood movies then he better do something with them 'No.1' series!

He has done Hero No.1, Beti No.1, Coolie No.1, Jodi No.1, Anari No.1, Aunty No.1 ... so what's left? How bout 'Dancer No.1' ..... a retired 'pelvic-thruster' who is in a coma for the last 20 years and suddenly he wakes up and decides to enter 'All-India Dancer No.1' competition and wins the 10 crores cash prize and gets his hero-ni who had waited for him all these years! Howzat?

Naughty@40 is anothe remake of them Hollywood movies... them Desis never fail to copy from the 'Amrikis'..... don't be surprised if some Desi director comes with the Desi version of Avatar or something!

Govinda is a 40 year old virgin , living the NRI life in London! And he happens to sleepwalk at night rey! So this must be our 'Desi formula' .... virgin=sleepwalking, not a virgin=less sleep but lotsa walking hola ni!

And like all NRIs from London... Govinda comes to India to get married to a simple, beautiful young girl but then we get all them BMC masala and paani puri nataks along the way!

Govinda ... stop acting like a buffoon ... do what you know best.... that is ... dance dance ... or just act like a guy from UP who wants some bhel-puri with his kisses or just speak 'hawa-taari' Angrezi even though your role clearly states that you were born and bred in London but still speak with your dada-ji's accent because it's in your jeans.. kya! Sorry .. meant genes but pelvic thrust chai khoi kata baatuh ayeko ho?

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Dinosaur's Last Stand...

Nepali Congress aka 'The Kangaroos' are still in the game. They did their rally sally today to show Kathmanduites that they still have some dough to hold a rally in the valley and disrupt our daily schedule like other political parties.

They might not have the money and the muscles like our Mao-buddies but they still can bring in truck loads of people into the valley and do some 'song and dance' routine! If Mao-buddies are like them gangsta rappers then Congressis are the 'old school' Run DMC haroo jastai kya!

What the Maoists were in the late 90s, Congressis were them bad-arses in the late 40s...hehe! Finally, they had the chance to govern in the 90s but they failed miserably. Well, not everything was bad... but we have to thank Girija for ghoosa-ing all 'rajniti' nataks in our sarkari offices!

If only Girija had acted like a statesman, rather than a trade union leader from Biratnagar then Congressis would have ruled Nepal for another hundred years hola! They had their chance then.... but the future for our dear old Nepali Congress party is now bleak kya!

It's like them are the dinosaurs.... and it's only about tyam... when we will only read about them in them history books ... because the Madeshi parties and the Maoists have taken over the game and will continue to come out with their 'geeti' albums for many more years hola! In the next few years, our Congressis will be like our 'Panchey' brothers! They will make some noise here and there , will have some local goondas to do a rally or two but their 'glory days' are over now!

Our Mao-buddies should learn a thing or two from our Congressis hola! What is? I don't know... don't get too excited if you win more votes than Prashant Tamang.. hehe! And we still have tyam for the next general election ... unless our comrades really capture this 'state' thing that they keep on talking about ...like some Shikari Sambhu capturing some Jangali Janawar hola!

If we do get this 'constitution' thing on tyam (that is after we extend it for another year!) then comes another round of election to get our first 'real' government hola! I don't think our Mao-buddies will win them majority of seats ... so this 'sharing is caring' natak among our corrupt clowns will go on forever hola!

We will just have to get used to our netas selling their passports and making tons of money and not being held accountable at all. The Shumshers did it their way, the Pancheys had some fun, the Congressis had a blast and now the Mao-buddies are enjoying their success in the 'Billboard 100' .. so who is going to change the rules and make it difficult for these clowns to have fun ni?

Our so-called leaders talk about 'Democracy' and what not.... now it's all 'Republic' guff-suff.... but the system is still the same! Trying to get rid of an Army general is not changing the system! Replacing one sarkari hakim with another is not reforming the bureaucracy .. is it?

We have always believed in our netas.. always hoping that this time, things will finally be right and that we will have a system where meritocracy rules! We hope that one day, they will just wake up and do the right thing! What are them right things?

I don't know... but shutting down the country is not the right thing! Using our taxpayers money to live like a Sultan and sharing the loot with your cadres are not the right things! Telling us that you are working for the people while you hop on a plane to kiss some foreigner's arse is not the right thing kya!

So... when will our netas wake up? They won't .... and if our so-called young, smart folks and them intellectuals , buda-crowd really want to stand up, speak up and not shut up then they should get in the game and fight .... yes, if these clowns can form jpt political parties and act like they are above the law then you should all band together and show them that nobody is above the law!

Come next election, stand up and be a candidate ... you may get 5 votes and your friends might make fun of you for some tyam.... but it might inspire others and hopefully ... in the next 10-15 years.. we will have 'real' netas who will work for the interest of this great nation rather than just spend all their days , dreaming and scheming up ways to make billions of Rupees so that their children will live lives of luxury while millions of children live in poverty!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Constitution....

The Constitutional Committee´s sub-committee has finally decided on the name of the new constitution as 'The Constitution of Nepal' rey... lau badhai cha! So what was the old name? The "Corrupt Clowns' Cookbook" ki khoi kay thiyo?

Our CA members spent less than 100 minutes doing the 'CA Yoga' thing this past year! So... as they extend their 'one more year' for more bhatta-satta ... we hope they go to work like we do ... 10 to 5 every day except Saturday! If not ... then our 'face-booking', twittering Kathmanduites should stop hanging around Maitighar .. baroo get a big-arse taalcha and lock them CA free-loaders inside BICC for a year kya!

And then we can all have cheesecakes, party all night and celebrate the 'BICC' Bandh .... hehe! I want to see our Miss Nepal bitch-slap them police-wallahs, Anil Chitrakar should give a nice flank-kick to them hawa-taari political goondas who show up for some nataks as well.

Paras Dai should also join the rally hola.. well, he seems to be taking 101 class on 'labor disputes'... now he is going around town acting like a trade-union neta! So if you are fired from a casino then please contact Paras Dai.. he will fix things up for you hai!

And talking about the constitution.... here are some changes I would like to see:

1. National Song:

I think 1974 AD ko 'Yo mun tuh Nepali ho' or something like that.. should be our national anthem and not the current 'Saya Thoonga' which sounds like you want to grab a Tongba and sulk in a corner!

Holy cow... no more... so let's have our stray dogs as National animals.. hai! National Flower: If you are one of the 'Shiva & Co' ko trance srance group then you can grow pot in a pot in your backyard... if not, for the rest of us , we will take 'Sish-Noo' ... so that our herbal diet faddies can have Sish-Noo soup and if not happy with our politicians ... we can just beat them up with a Sish-Noo broom .. ki kaso?

2. President instead of Prime-Monster:

Yes, let's go the Amriki way.... no more parliamentary circus act where coalition government and vote of no-confidence nataks bound to happen again and again! And if Prachandoo wants to be President then he can be so for a maximum of two terms then retire and go back to Chitwan and open a dairy farm or something!

And instead of having a new prime-monster every six months who run away with them SUVS paid for by our tax Rupees... let's have the Prezzie.. who really runs a country rather than cutting ribbons and attending every event in town!

3. Minimum qualification to be a President:

He or She must be 35 years old! Why? Because Buddha attained enlightenment at 35 so Buddha rules! And not more than 65 year old! Yes, we don't want viagra-fied grumpy old man or 'hot flash' aunties who are too hot to handle kya! With due respect to our senior citizens but it's tyam to follow your dreams like.. climbing Everest or bungee-jumping rather than going around the country giving fokatey ko bhaa-shawns ni!

Must have a facebook account for at least 5 years and updated his or her status at least once every six months. Twitter is optional... not everyone can express themselves in 140 characters..haha!

4. Caning as in 'Okay Laah... one for you .. can can!' .. the Singaporean eestyle!

Yes, if you burn them tyres, vandalize stuff and do your goonda-gardi then you should be caned! Ghoos khayo.. lau uslai 12 korra .... Aroo lai lootyo ... 10 korra.... Kasai lai kootyo .... 6 Korra ... yesari nai garoom na hai!

5. National Language:

Mandarin! Well, we will learn Hindi Sindi from the Bollywood movies. Some of us still don't speak Nepali.... so .. why not go 'Mandarin' .... then everyone will have to learn a new language.... but if you already know Mandarin then one korra for you and better learn Cantonese in a year or get 2 korras .. haah!

And when our politicians visit India... instead of speaking in Hindi and kissing them Desi arses... they can speak in Mandarin and just scare the Desi TV-wallahs.... and the so-called RAW agents as well!

Our netas will be saying ' Where can I get a nice Chicken-Fly-Lice in Chandani Chowk' and the Desis will think .. 'Are they talking about nuking us?' haha!

Well.. we still have another 8 days to go before we celebrate ... 'one more year' of the CA Circus.. so if you have your 'stuff' you would want to include in this 'Guffadi' constitution then do send me your 'maag' saag as well!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Don't Leave Town....

Our Mao-buddies have the 'Home' Ministry... now they don't need to go on a 'Dear Santa Claus' letter-writing spree to them business-wallahs hola ni! Whatever happened to the "People's Volunteers" ?.... khoi... I guess they don't need 500,000 hungry folks when the same work can be done by 50,000+ private security guards paid for by the public!

Mr. Mahara is busy making sure that all them 'cases' against Mao-buddies (for extortion, murder, kidnapping and what not) are thrown in the trash so that they can start with a clean slate hola ni! I hope Mahara makes a few Rupees when he sells all them files to the local kawadai guy!

Great job Mahara.... you are really doing it for the people (your own!) aren't you?

Nepal Police-wallahs have been ordered not to leave their posts until May 28th because Mahara believes that them 'reactionary' forces are plotting something and want our men and women in blue to be on full alert so that them Maoists leaders will not be attacked by their own cadres rey!

Kya mazza.... our Maoist leaders get triple-decker security! First, we have the Armed Police Force or the Nepal Police.... and then the PLA folks and ghar wari pari chahi YCL brothers haroo!

We foot their salaries .... our taxes pay for them APF, NP, PLA while the YCL collects 'local' taxes (extortion) kyaaruh.. either way we pay but we don't have our say kya! We stay in line for 12 hours so that them netas can get 'Free Fuel', we pay more thanks to them broken meters so that the taxi driver can pay his union dues .. yestai ho, Naya Nepal ma!

But if your spouse is giving birth or your loved ones are on their way to the after-life then you can take them leave seave rey! Thank God... Mahara didn't send out another circular ordering the police-wallahs' loved ones to hold their delivery or death until May 28th!

So all this peace, security and constitution stuff is only for our netas! They don't have to worry about their lives getting screwed due to the bandhs because they are the ones carrying out the bandhs ni... and our taxes pay for their security and when it comes to the constitution, it is not about guaranteeing people's rights but just making sure that whoever is elected gets them benefits and local funds to pocket for themselves!

I don't think our 'People's Volunteers' will be doing any rally sally stuff .. so maybe some UML, NC and Rajabadi and our great Madeshi parties will be doing their dance and song routine hola! So that means .. except our Mao-buddies, all of us who may want to do them rallies... please make sure that you wear some helmet selmet, maybe buy a Kevlar Body Armor ... just visit harilo.com or call them up and ask ... how much for shipping? .. hehe!

And don't forget to get a bamboo stick as well. If you can't find one , just ask for one from the YCLs ... they must have their stock from last year's May rally ni! Well, the YCLs might not sell them sticks to you but you can rent it out, lastuh ma paisa tuh ho.. they are capitalists after all!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Happy 'Buddha' Day.....

What can we learn from Siddy Gautam? I don't know ... I am not a Buddhist scholar or something... you must ask them foreign monks in Lumbini for them answers hola! Lumbini today is like them Disneyland for the Buddhists from them Asian countries!

They have their own monasteries, guest houses and what not.... and the Lumbini Development Trust ka board members are all raking in some moolah whenever they sign them deal seal with them foreign Buddhists to build them monasteries and what not!

Today we are not here to talk about who made what... let's talk about Siddy Dai! Yes, for some of you Buddha is a God, prophet or a spiritual guru .... for me, he is my local hometown hero and I think I can get away with calling him a Dai ... hehe!

I was born few miles away from Lumbini (see we are from the same neighborhood so he is my 'thulo' dai!) ... but I am not like Buddha... I neither have the Buddhi nor the body kyaaruh... did you know Siddy Dai had a six-pack thing?... yes, that's true kya!

Anyways, what can we learn from Sid Gautam? Sid had everything .... he was a prince ni... but then at 29, he had them mid-life crisis... (even before he turned 40!) and decided to let go.... his family, his friends , all them 'hi-fi' palace life sife etiyaadi!

At the age of 35, he finally attained 'enlightenment' ... so all you folks, who are in rush to save the world or work for UN or them World Bank or get your buttocks tattooed before the age of 25.... relax kya!

Make all them mistakes, screw up and go astray ... until 35 ... then after that, you write a book about your 'happy days' and try to get Penguin India to publish your stuff...hehe! If not, meditate for 49 days and be the 'awakened one' hooncha!

So what can we learn from Buddha? "Material wealth is not life's ultimate goal..." tyesai karan lay .... our netas can never be 'Buddha' kya... even though Prachandoo goes around town, trying to convince us that he is a combo of 'Buddha-Junga Bahadur-Hitler' ... bichara, someone should tell him ... he is just another bloke who really suffers from dissociative identity disorder!

Prachandey can never be Buddha! But he can try and be like Hitler... he can't be Junga Bahadur either... because he doesn't have 17 brothers ni! And he doesn't know sword-fighting and has no equestrian skills!

Can Prachandoo jump off Daharara? No! Can he fight a tiger? No! He doesn't even want to share his power, money and muscles with Baburam... at least Jungey decided to grant stock options to his brothers... haha!

But... it wasn't a smooth transition... the Dhir Shumshers decided to go on a rampage and killed everyone else and they are still having fun .... but that's a different story ni! The Mao Inc. is not a political party anymore... it is the biggest crime syndicate in the country kya!

Baburam is getting them death threats from Prachandoo's crew rey ..... if Baburam is not safe in Kathmandu then I guess.. we better pack our bags and leave for Rolpa hola! Yes.. but before we move to Rolpa, better contact Mahabir Dai and get them wi-fi installed hola... so that we can update our facebook status ni!

Baburam wants to die like Bhimsen Thapa ... I say, Dr. Saheb.... No! Be a 'Buddha' ... you eat like Buddha ... two rotis and sabji every night while Prachandoo loves them 'Buff' sukutis with his Black Label rey! You meditate a lot and would rather go to Pulchowki, make a tree-house and spend your days reading books sooks while Prachandey likes to go to them resorts or he just loves BDSM!

I am not talking about them "erotic practice and expression involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy role-play" kya! He loves to go to Bangkok, Delhi, Singapore and Malaysia (BDSM) bhannaw khojya ho!

Whenever Prachandoo meets his 'foreign' masters, he must be very submissive hola...hehe! But when he come backs and then he is all that dominant sheet ni! It's all a part of them BDSM natak kya!

Okay, enough of Prachandoo ko gau khaney katha haroo.... Happy 'Buddha' day to all of us and hope we will all be like him someday.... if not .... at least follow his formula for enlightenment kya! What is? At the end of the day ... 'It's all about nothing' .... hoinuh ruh?

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Hundred Days...

Jhallu Baba has celebrated his 100 days of his super hit film 'Jhaaloondar Mastakalandar' ... haha! Probably the wrong tyam to be the prime-monster kya! Prachandoo dada knew very well that this 'constitution' thing is not some Nepali pop geet ko lyrics that you can write by adding few words like 'Priyasi, Mayalu & lob-sob'....

Our so-called netas have never been able to get their act together. That's why the same shit keeps on repeating again and again. And the funny thing is that they keep on fighting with their own party members and spend their tyam , plotting each other's downfall!

They keep on bad-mouthing each other .... c'mon this ain't no school playground where kids call each other names and pick fights for 'erasers' and packets of Wai-Wais ni! I think they tend to forget that we have entrusted them with the responsibilities to give us hope for a better future.

You can give them sarkaari jobs to your cadres, share the loot with the tender-wallahs and make tons of money for your party kya! We are not asking for free-hand outs like them ... we ask nothing more than that you live up to your words!

Endless cycle of broken promises and yet we still continue to believe that one day, our so-called leaders will overcome their differences and find common ground! The only tyam our netas have gotten together is when they have to kick the former head coach out or loot the development budget meant for the poor people!

Jhallu Baba truly believes that he was anointed by God (Prachandoo Baba!) to give us the constitution and he won't leave Baluwatar till the mission is accomplished rey! Well, Prachandoo Baba is back from Thailand after visiting some 'foreign' God and he now wants the head coach's job again... so come May 28th... Jhaloondar will get a free SUV!

And our 'CA' member of the week prize goes to Mr. B Paswan.... he likes to throw them chairs and rip them papers and his shirt as well and dance around the CA Hall half-naked ! Well, this is what happens when them big fishes don't listen to you ... all because you are in the minority kya!

But Paswan could have done more if he had gone around slapping our so-called 'thulo' netas ni! Start a slap-fest ni ... and maybe we can watch it on TV since we seem to have batti all the tyam now!

And our big three idiots are already planning to send Paswan as our ambassador to Taiwan rey (I just made that up hai!) ... so that he can visit them Taiwanese MPs and learn more about fist-fighting hola ni! Or maybe Paswan is either on crack or is getting 'free' magic mushrooms!

Less than two weeks to go... no, I am tired talking about our so-called constitution. Who cares? Naya constitution lay batti, pani ruh petrol diney hoinuh kyaaruh.... jay jati nautanki garey pani ... all them netas will get their free rides, driver, security and bhatta satta.... baroo let us all get together and watch them UEFA Champions League final kya!

Yes, I am betting my Rs 420.00 on Barcelona.... and let me predict the score as well.... Messi will score twice and the final score is 3-1 .... so come May 28th.... let us forget about the constitution for another year while we eat cheese-cakes and drink beer (I don't drink but you can!) while Messi kicks some arse! Maybe Paswan should then dance naked around BICC hola!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Visit Thailand....

Emperor Prachandoo and his crown prince are now in Thailand to participate in some conference organized by Asia Pacific Exchange and Cooperation Foundation! Dahal also attended a conference in Malaysia organized by the same foundation last year!

What is this APECF? We don't know but looks like it has a lot of money to spare ... inviting our great leader every few months here and there kya! And why is our crown prince tagging along with his big daddy? I guess the Emperor needs a computer operator to update his facebook status hola ni!

If you want to know more about APECF then please contact Mr. Eric Tay, who lives in Hong Kong and is the ED (Executive Director) rey! He is the owner of Ocean Link International Investment Limited rey. And his experience chahi ... "Successful Procurement in High Technology Radar System... Successful Defence Radar Technology Upgrading and Research"

Now... let's add all this guff suff up.... so is China planning some radar thing in Nepal ki kya ho? Maybe... our dumpling gang wants some hi-tech radar stuff in Rolpa and Dolpa hola... so if the Desi planes do come some day ... then the Chinese can use their long-range weapons hola ni!

Anyways, hope Prachandoo and son will have them everything lemonized Thai-food sood and get some cheap bags and sandals for his Mrs and buhari ni!

And our so-called government has awarded a cash prize .. Rs 500,000 to Transparency International for doing all it can to curb corruption rey! Haha... this is like Pablo Escobar awarding the DEA some cash prize for doing all it can to stop them cocaine stuff in Colombia!

Well, Escobar died a long tyam ago.... and the Amrikis still love them coke more than ever... and corruption in this country has reached new heights in our 'New' Nepal! In the Panchey days, everything was under the table... today, in our 'republic' days.... you just make the offer they can't refuse or should I say... if you don't make any offer then you are refused... haha!

No wonder .... our marwari businessmen are driving around town in them Porsches! Yes, seen few of them in Kathmandu.... and who the @#$! wants to buy a Hummer? Maybe it's something to be proud of for our tender-wallahs and the fake-VAT bill crowd.... but if the Maoists are really communists then it's about tyam... they give their own prime real-estate in Kathmandu to them squatters living in them slums in Bagmati kya!

While Prachandoo hangs out in Bangkok... our Jhallu Baba is busy visiting photo exhibitions and what not! Yes... it's a good thing to go out and have fun in the city but don't waste our taxpayers money .. you know, them fuel suel, security guards haroo lai bhatta... even Late King Birendra used to drive around town alone or just walk around Durbar Marg... while our new Kings have better security and nautanki than Obama!

Well... let's get back to the picture of the day. Yes, it's our very own , great Chairman Pao (as in Mao) ... when he was just starting out being the 'dui-jibrey' ..... now, he is fat and grumpy ... used to drink Buffalo-milk and watch Karishma Manandhar's movies then ... now, he just can't sleep without drinking 5-6 pegs of them Black Label stuff and without watching Fashion TV rey... haha!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Chalo Dilli...

You know your career is nearing its end when you have to produce a film so that you can be the leading actor or actor-ni... unless you are Aamir Khan and his '40 is the new 20' thing!

Lara Dutta is a beautiful woman but Desi men don't like them strong women kya! It was the same case with Sushmita Sen ni! So, Lara ... you should either change your accent (be like Katrina!) or if you have to spend your own dough then make a movie on 'Mayawati' or the recent winner in West Bengal, 'Mamata didi' ... hehe!

Chalo Dilli is another of them 'road-movie' type... well it starts with a plane then comes the car, then a truck, then a camel-ride and then off on a train and finally.... that's about it!

And before ... all Desi hero-nis used to be them 'home science' students ... they knew how to cook, sing and were shy Indian girls! Now, our Bollywood hero-nis are all investment bankers! And they have no time for lob-sob or family rey!

When did the hero-ni become the villain ni? Before, them hero-hiralals used to be them tapori types... nowadays... them movies don't have heros...just clowns trying to get lucky with a smart, indepenent wonder-woman kya!

Anyways, Lara Dutta is an investment banker and she has no tyam for faltu stuff.... work, work and work! Then she gets on a plane to Delhi so that she can see her husband and instead of celebrating her birthday .. she plans to fly to Amrika for them business meeting seating! Ani we have, Bat Man's desi cousin, the 'Fat Man', who happens to be a sano-tino businessman in Delhi!

The plane is diverted to Jaipur and the movie begins. She gets a car, the driver is a jackass and our fat man joins the trip and then they face them problems everywhere! Our businessman likes to burp and fart while he eats while our hero-ni acts like she was the 'Queen of England' in her previous life kya! I mean.. she acts like she is the Maharani of Jaipur!

Then we go on a journey .... while Lara acts like the Queen of Jaipur... our 'fat' man is just having a bawl ... he is used to the 'Indian' way where things can and will go wrong but you just make the best of it and just move along kya!

Let us also not forget the 'item' number... why do them Desi movies have to have one item number kya? Next tyam .... instead of them 'one woman' dancing and bunch of taporis drooling.. why not have like a 'one man' dancing and all ladies whistling and throwing Rupees at him.. hehe!

And instead of meeting interesting characters, they meet few crooks here and there till Lara's husband, Lt. Col Akshay Kumar (must have done this movie for free even if it's just a guest appearance thing!) rescues them!

At the end of the day, Lara realizes that her work and her 'hi-fi' natak is not worth it. She will celebrate her birthday with her husband and her new friend and that's how the movie ends!

Next tyam, if Lara Dutta wants to spend her own dough then please do make a 'Super Hero-ni' movie kya! How about a Desi Wonder-Woman... or a hit-woman for the Mumbai mafia or an investment banker who leaves her job and her six-figure salary to join the Desi Maoists and becomes the commander-ni or something?

Friday, May 13, 2011

In My Country... There is Problem!

Well... the bandh season is now in full-swing! Thanks NEFIN (Nepal Federation of Indigenous Nationality) for organizing today's bandh! Our EU folks fund NEFIN (ahiley samma tuh 10+ crores rey!) kyaaruh and they are not happy rey! They will stop them funding sunding NEFIN rey because our Bideshis don't like bandhs either even though their 'blue-plated' vehicles are safe!

DFID and them Euro-trash should know a thing or two about Nepali politics kya! There will always be folks burning tyres and hurling stones because that's what we are good at ni! Even them NEFIN folks are all affiliated to them political parties and our netas only know how to shut down the system kya!

Our netas and their chamchas would like to extend the CA's term by another year... so 50K a month for our CA members for one more year! I think our CA members should stop getting paid .... baroo, sell your 'Red' passports for 20 lakhs ni!

Our former 'Home' ministers still haven't returned them government vehicles and continue to get them driver sriver, fuel and maintenance expenses! Wow... it's good to be a Nepali Neta... if you were them British MP then them tabloids would be giving you a hard tyam for getting paid by showing your fake bills worth a few hundred pounds !

And in Nepal, our business-wallah don't have to pay a penny even if they (submit) fake VAT bills amounting to billions of Rupees! Faking it is bad..... well, not all kinds of fake-sake... is bad! Like.. fake orgasm... doesn't hurt anyone .... hehe but all them 'fake' entrepreneurs and our 'fake' civil servants have @#$ed up this country... so it's tyam we throw them 'fake' netas and all them arse-kissers down the well... sorry.. got carried away with that Borat song hola!

So.. thank you VAT Mohan Adhikari, our Finance minister for doing all you can to kiss Binod Chow-dhary's arse! Must smell like Wai-Wai hagi?

Them UML youth organizations plan to gather like 50,000 communists and gherao the CA building rey! Lau badhai cha.... and how come our Mao-buddies are quiet? They were supposed to gather 500,000 communists and take over Kathmandu hoinuh ruh?

Oh... I forgot... the Mao-buddies are part of the 'dream team' ni.. uni haroo nai sarkar ma bhaye pachi... only mo money (for our communists!) but no problem (because they don't have to worry about fuel suel ni!) .. so why complain hola ni! If the UML-Congressi was in the driver's seat then our Mao-buddies would have probably burned down all the petrol pumps and Kathmandu would shut down for a week or two hola!

And thank you ..... Mr. Mahara, our 'Home' Minister.... for stopping them 'SPs' haroo ko transfer! Now, you can decide where to send the most ghoos-khori police-wallahs to them urban areas where they can make $$$ while the 'real' no source-force SPs will be sent to Siberia!

Even during them so-called "People's War" .... them police-wallahs sent to Rolpa, Rukum and them remote areas were all without them source-force... while the ghoos-khoris were living in them cities! Yestai rahecha.... yeha ko chalan!

Lastuh ma gayera, sabai paisa ko khel rahecha! And finally, our Mao-buddies who work in them casinos will get paid .... kasari? Well, now all them gamblers, pimps and jagga dalals can go to them casinos again! Yes, Mahara has asked the Kathmandu SP to stop violating the rights of Nepali gamblers rey!

So... don't hang out at them restaurants after dark.. go to the casino, get free booze and food , gamble your house away so that them union-wallahs @ them casinos can make a living! Yes ... help your fellow workers kya!