Saturday, March 28, 2015

Where is our Mr Lee?

Singapore's first Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew died on Monday at the age of 91. Lee served as the Prime Minister for 31 years. The last time we had a Prime Minister who served for more than three decades was back in the 18th century when Bhimsen Thapa was having all the fun. Although it did not end well for him, he did leave us with Dharahara, also known as the Bhimsen Tower. 

Many of our Prime Ministers have left us with something to remember them by. The Ranas have left us their palaces even though most of them are now crumbling and moldy. That happens when our civil servants use it. 

I guess all the maintenance budget goes not for the upkeep of the buildings but for new windows and doors at Hakim Sahebs' homes. We should ask the Hakim Sahebs if anybody has washed their towels on their chairs since we became a Republic.

I think it would be better if we shifted our government offices to newer buildings and repair the old palaces and turn it into boutique hotels. I think our tourism entrepreneurs would love to outbid each other to turn Narayanhiti into a hotel and even a convention center. We could even make Thamel and surrounding areas vehicle-free zone if we allowed parking inside the Narayanhiti. 

Our Prime Ministers since the 1990s have not left us with anything to remember them by. Well, they may not have built towers and palaces but they still contributed something for the betterment of the country. 

If it weren't for them, Nepal Airlines Corporation (NAC) would have now been flying all over the world and would have a few dozen aircraft. But today, thanks to our netas and their dear ones, NAC can't even manage a flight to Delhi. Let us not feel bad because we have gotten the opportunity to fly other airlines and make them a few Dollars richer instead.

Our Prime Ministers left us with the 'Pajero Culture'. Our former lawmakers still ride around town in those vehicles that they got back in the days. If the same man gets to be our Prime Minister someday then don't be surprised if he hands out choppers to our lawmakers to make them happy.

We became a Republic and we had expected our Emperor would be an honest man who would change this country. After all, thousands of lives had been lost. As usual, majority of those who suffered were not the thulo mancheys and their cronies but ordinary folks. 

But still, we gave them a chance. And our Emperor acted more like a kid in a candy store instead of being a great leader. And when he couldn't get what he wanted, he just stormed out of Baluwatar. And now he and his crew wants to shut down the country just to show the ruling clowns that he still got his mojo working.

In the 1990s, our clowns promised us that Nepal would be like Singapore. But here we are, nearly two and half decades later and our great leaders have turned this beautiful land of ours into a cesspool whereas Lee helped turned the mosquito infested swamp land into one of the most developed economy in the world under his stewardship.

Singapore does not have any natural resources and yet they have managed to come this far. Its citizens are its only resource and Lee's clampdown on corruption and focus on education has helped to make his country one of the major global financial hub.

We have plenty of natural resources and yet, we seem to be going down the drain. We are fortunate that God has give us such beautiful land but our so-called leaders have done all they could to exploit it for only their self-interests instead of looking out for national interests. 

We, Nepalese are law-abiding, hard-working and honest people. But our politicians are Nepalese too but all of them seem to have the same gene defect that makes them loot the country and are only interested to exploit and extort the common citizens. 

Our politicians should learn a thing or two from Lee. The world may not agree with his autocratic style of governance but he got things done. Our country needs a man like Lee when it comes to being a leader. One has to be focused and determined to change the country for the better. 

Well, we don't want Lee's style of censorship and crackdown on all forms of dissent but banning littering and spitting in public would be great for our land. Yes, please increase the fines. If you are violating traffic laws then the offender should pay at least Rs 100,000 instead of getting away with a few hundred Rupees. 

Now that would make us all think and be a law-abiding citizen. What about our clowns and their speeding vehicles? Yes, they too should be held liable if they violate traffic laws. 

Our clowns must be reminded that they are not riding in ambulances and they have to stay in line like the rest of us. But of course, our clowns are in a hurry because they have to meet foreign agents so that they can work out deals to outsource government work to make some commission.

We need leaders who have a vision to make this country prosperous and each citizen will have access to better healthcare, education, housing and other basic needs. We do not want the same clowns who think of only being in power even if it lasts a few months so that they can make enough dough to last a few generations.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

More Protests, More Problems

Our clowns were supposed to work things out last Saturday and come together to forge consensus on the disputed issues in the constitution writing process. Well, as usual, they failed miserably and are again blaming each other for not being flexible. 

Our good for nothing freeloaders should not meet on Saturdays unless they get to drink bideshi whiskey and mutton sekuwa. Then, we might reach an agreement when our clowns are drunk and belly full of food by the end of the evening.

Our opposition wallahs have announced a month-long protest program to once again demand consensus to resolve the political deadlock. We all know that none of our freeloaders really want to give us a constitution. They are not willing to compromise and sacrifice for the good of the country.  

All they want is a promise from each other to take turns to loot the state treasury when in power. Somebody needs to remind them that only cadres and cousins don't make a country. 

Our 30-party opposition alliance plans to shut down the country, boycott government programs and gherao government office as part of it second round of protest nataks. The first round ended with hawatari speeches at Khula Manch. Let's hope the second round will have more juice. 

Please do not repeat the same natak again and again. Come up with something creative and boggle our minds. Organize a comedy festival across the country. Hire comedians to carry out mimicry of the ruling clowns. Give us a show we will enjoy instead of making us stay home.

Our Emperor tells us that the protest programs are necessary. Is it necessary to shut down the country and make all of our lives miserable? Millions of us have to go to work. Our kids have to go to school. 

The daily wage laborers have it the worst. I think our opposition wallahs should promise us compensation for our lost wages. But of course, our netas and their cadres don't care about the common folks.  They only know how to extort from common folks, civil servants and contractors.

This beautiful land of ours will be shutdown on April 2, 7, 8 and 9. I guess our opposition wallahs must have consulted a dozen astrologers to get the dates right. Now, all of us have to make sure that we stay home during these days and cancel any plans that we might have made earlier on these days. Instead of chakka jams and Nepal bandas, why not only go after the ruling clowns? After all, aren't they the ones who are pissing you off?

Yes, if you are not happy with SuKo then only carry out blockade around the PM's residence. If Bam Dev is pissing you off then gherao his residence and do not let him out of his house for a week. But don't trouble us by shutting down our schools, businesses and transportation services. 

Let us go on with our lives. Make the lives of the ruling clowns miserable and maybe we will also join in the fun while we watch them go to work on foot instead of gas guzzling luxury vehicles. And it's also better for their health if they start walking.

Our opposition wallahs also plan to shut down government offices, boycott public functions attended by our PM and his mini-sinisters. Our Emperor and his friends have also bought thousands of black flags so that they can wave them at our ruling clowns. 

The protesters will also hold demonstrations in front of district development offices across the country to protest against violence against women, load-shedding, corruption and everything that is wrong with this country. Where were these fools when most of us didn't have any cooking gas this winter?

If our opposition wallahs really care about the people then they should go after our byaparis selling adulterated food products. Shut down the gas dealers and petrol pump stations who are cheating consumers. If the pumps operated by our Nepal Police and Army wallahs can cheat consumers then we can't expect our petrol pump sahujis to be honest. 

Take action against our transport wallahs who refuse to reduce the transport fare even after getting directives to do so by the government. But of course, it's the transport wallahs and other byaparis who provide the funds for our clowns to carry out protest programs. So, don't expect our clowns to go after these chors. After all, our clowns are the biggest chors of them all. 

Our clowns only know how to shut down the country because it's easier to gather a bunch of cadres and vandalize vehicles along the highways. It’s easier to burn tyres and hurl stones at the cops and beat up innocent folks who dare to defy the bandas. 

When will our lazy bums wake up and learn how to mobilize their cadres to do something good for the country?  Half a million young folks sit for SLC exams each year. Our political parties don't have any ideas on how to provide them jobs. 

They would rather be happy with all of us leaving for foreign lands. The manpower agencies will make billions and some of it will go to our political parties to carry out more bandas and other nataks.  

I hope someday we will have enough courage to defy all bandas and our police wallahs and security personnel should do what they have sworn to do. Protect and serve the public instead of the corrupt clowns.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Make or Break

Our clowns are sitting for formal talks today to find a way out to break the political deadlock.  We all know that our incompetent buffoons will only waste our taxpayers money on refreshment, fuel and over-time bhatta for our security personnel during such meetings. 

I think it would be better if our clowns ate dal, bhat at home and then go for the meeting. Bring your own thermos of milk tea and a bottle of mineral water. Yes, at least save a few rupees of our taxpayers money. 

Our clowns all love gas-guzzling luxury vehicles and they are not satisfied with their free rides. They also want free fuel and maintenance kharcha. I think it would be better if they at least used public transportation once a week. Yes, mingle with the people and see for yourselves how they are harassed by perverts and foul-mouthed conductors. And save us a few liters of petrol as well.

Why can't they take up cycling? It would be nice if our lazy bums cycled all the way to Dhulikhel and held their meeting at a local chiya pasal over jeri-swari and black tea. Don’t' waste our money on resorts and five star hotels.

It's sad to see a bunch of security personnel working round the clock, protecting our clowns from other clowns and probably their own disgruntled cadres. Why do our netas need such tight security surrounded by Rambos? 

Let the security personnel have a day off instead of working like slaves for our incompetent netas.  Yes, Saturday is a day to relax and let loose. Our clowns do not need to show us they are working hard by meeting up on Saturdays because we all know that they are the laziest Nepalis in this country. 

I think it would be better if our clowns all met at the national stadium. Yes, let's put some tables and chairs in the middle of the football ground and hear what they have to say. We can even pay to attend the meeting as audience. The funds raised from the entry fee will help to cover the chiya kharcha for our clowns. 

I think we should have a live telecast of such meetings so that we can find out what actually goes on during such talks.  Our clowns will be careful if they are on live TV. 

Instead of cracking jokes about each others' bulging bellies and rosy cheeks, they will have to be serious and talk about the disputed issues in the constitution writing process. We all know that our clowns all have full stomach and nothing better to do. They are not problem solvers but troublemakers.

Our clowns do not have to worry about anything. It's us, the common folks who have to worry about shortage of water, cooking gas and electricity. Our netas have their personal aides call up the concerned agencies to provide them with freebies. While we worry about fulfilling our basic needs, our clowns worry about filling their bellies with ill-gotten proceeds.

Our freeloaders tell us that they have already agreed on the forms of government, judiciary and electoral system but have not been able to agree on the federal model to be adopted. 

The first Constipated Assembly (CA) was dissolved because no one could agree on the federal model and it's the same story this time around. Does it really matter if we have 7 or 10 provinces? 

Our clowns are not really interested to empower the people. Why can't we have local elections now?  Yes, let us elect our local leaders and hold them accountable instead of the all-party mechanism gobbling all the funds. Our lives will not get any better even if we have a constitution by next week.  

What good is a constitution if it can't protect the basic rights of the common citizens? Our lawmakers will continue to break the law and engage in corruption. 

They will not be prosecuted because the anti-corruption agency will always be under the government. I think the CIAA should be only answerable to the President instead of our political parties appointing their cadres as commissioners. 

Lok Man Dai has yet to catch a big fish. Maybe he needs a better fishing net. We all know that the personal aides of our top leaders are the real dealmakers. If our CIAA wallahs can round up all of them and search for their black books then most of our top leaders would be exposed. But of course, who has the courage to take on the thieves when every other crook is corrupt?

Our incompetent government can't even clear the runway at the airport by itself. It can't even take care of the garbage in the valley. Just clearing plastic bags and other waste from the Bagmati River is not going to make it clean. We are foolish to expect the ruling clowns to show some flexibility and get the opposition wallahs on board. 

Let us not blame our stupid greedy netas who are only after power and money. It is us, the common citizens who are to be blamed for being so passive.  We all know that our good for nothing freeloaders will not come up with a constitution. 

Let us all stand together and demand local elections as soon as possible. We need our local ward chairperson, mayors and what not.  We are tired of a bunch of thieves representing our political parties at the local level stealing all the funds. 

Our government must be held accountable. If our so-called government cannot even provide us basic needs then they have no right to govern us.

Our clowns tell us that it's either make it or break it time for them. If they can come together and forge consensus then we will have the constitution soon. Well, that is wishful thinking. We are more likely to send a monkey to Mars then get a constitution from these morons. Let us all feel sorry for the monkey.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Futile Talks

Our opposition wallahs have finally decided to sit down for talks with the ruling clowns to settle the disputed issues in the constitution writing process. I think we have already lost count of how many times our good for nothing incompetent buffoons have sat down for talks to come up with a solution to end the political deadlock. 

It's the same never-ending story of hanging out at resorts and residences of so-called top leaders and coming up short every time. The only folks who are happy with such talks are our liquor store owners who get to supply their goodies to our great freeloaders.

Our buffoons wasted a month and half doing nothing since they decided to boycott the CA.  Well, we had the 'show of strength' natak at Khula Manch by our Emperor and his friends last week. 

Maybe, our ruling clowns should do their own 'numbers' natak next week.  And then, we the common citizens can do our own 'show of strength' rally and probably have our names in the Guinness World Records.  

It's about time, somebody took the lead and organized a mass rally of common citizens. We are all tired of our con artists and their cadres disrupting traffic and shutting down the country.  

Our incompetent government can't even take action against gas dealers for creating artificial shortage of cooking gas. Now, it's the transport wallahs who only want to reduce the transport fare by a Rupee even though the fuel prices have come down drastically. 

It seems that our byaparis run this country while our netas and civil servants are here just to make sure that they get enough commission from unscrupulous capitalist pigs. It's a shame that most of our netas claim to be socialists and communists but it's only the wild capitalists who seem to make money in this land of ours.  

Where were our clowns during Holi? It would have been nice if Oli had organized a Holi party at his home and invited all the ruling clowns and opposition frowns as well. But our clowns do not know how to make peace. They always need the Desi folks to make them sit down in a room and agree to anything. 

While our PM Sushil Da is keeping quiet and doing nothing, Oli is blabbering as if he alone will write the constitution. Oli wants to be our next Prime Monster. He is already planning on how to decorate the living room once he moves to Baluwatar. 

I think Oli should promise our opposition wallahs some freebies and hard cold cash once he becomes the PM. Maybe, then we can finally get the constitution and go on with our lives. 

He should learn a thing or two from Deuba. If Deuba was our Prime Monster today, we would already have our new constitution. After all, he knows how to hand gifts to make the lawmakers happy.

Our 30-party opposition alliance has threatened to go for the second phase of their protest programs if the ruling clowns continue to show their arrogance and push for the voting process to settle the disputed issues. The opposition wallahs tell us that if they are forced to carry out a second-phase of protest programs then it would be action-oriented.

I guess the first-phase of the protest programs was like the calm before the storm. I hope they have already asked all the brick kilns in the valley to supply them with bricks so that they can show us some action during the second-phase of the protest programs.

Please do not take action against common citizens. If you want to battle it out then show your action-oriented nataks by occupying Baluwatar and residences of the ruling clowns. Let the common citizens go on with their daily lives. Yes, you need to fight for your rights to loot the state treasury. So, go on and show the ruling clowns your strength.

We all know very well that our clowns are not flexible and are unwilling to compromise. We don't know what must be done for our great freeloaders to see the light and take the country on the right path. 

Our only international airport has been shut down for the past few days because we don't have the necessary equipment to move the plane away. More than 12,000 passengers are stranded and our government doesn't seem to care. We don't even have decent restrooms at the airport. 

Our civil servants are not ashamed. Instead they claim that it's not their fault because the government does not provide enough resources to handle such problems. 

If we were to get hit by a major earthquake then don't expect our incompetent government to help us. Make sure that you have your emergency kit ready and be prepared to walk out of the valley to the plain lands because even if we were to get assistance from the bideshis, they wouldn't be able to land in Kathmandu to carry out the relief works.

It's about time, all of us went hiking every Saturday just to make sure that we have the endurance to walk for days to get help when the big one hits Kathmandu. 

It's just sad that we need to ask the Desis to help us to clear the runway. Maybe, we should ask NaMo if he has any special equipment to move our netas away from confrontation and make them forge consensus to end the political chaos. 

Our politicians are not leaders. They are loafers who only know how to steal. A dozen pickpockets have hijacked this country while we stand aside and feel our empty pockets.