Sunday, October 30, 2011

Lumbini Visit Year 2012

All our netas seem to be in love with Lumbini hagi. Even our Mao-buddies who are supposed to be atheist have found God hola ni. Dr. Saheb has formed a 'Guinness World Record' nai toad-ney organizing committee of 108 great folks rey.

And the organizing committee plan to invite Jackie Chan, Rekha and Shah Rukh Khan to be them goodwill ambassadors for this 'Lumbini Visit Year - 2012' campaign.

Nixon got to share a cup of noodles with Mao, thanks to his 'Ping Pong' diplomacy nataks abuh hami chahi... I guess we are doing the 'Celebrity' diplomacy thing hola.

Hope Jackie Chan will also make another 'action' movie in Lumbini. Movie ko story chahi: He is a monk in a Chinese monastery in Lumbini and then gets into a fight with the local dons or something like that.

Ani what do we do with Rekha and Shah Rukh Khan? I think Danny Dengzopa would have been a good fit or even Shekhar Kapur ( I hear he's into Buddhism) or even Uma Thurman ko bau, the Professor from New York ni.

Rekha is still beautiful and she can do a reunion movie with Amitabh hola ni... Lumbini ko garden ma gaana saana ki kaso? Shah Rukh Khan played 'Ashoka' abuh maybe he should play 'Siddartha Gautam' ki kaso?

The 'LVY' campaign aims to bring around a million tourists rey... feri .. is this like Nepal Tourism Year 2011 ko sequel ki kya ho?

And our comrade chairman, Prachandoo is heading to NYC on November 5th to have a cup of coffee and bagel with the UN football team ko captain, Mr. Ban ki Moon and talk about disney-fication of Lumbini.

I think it's about tyam, all them cement factories around Lumbini should be relocated somewhere else. Ani Lumbini jaaney bato baroo Japanese lay arko six-lane highway banai diney ho ki?

There are many Buddhist businessmen in Nepal. From Vaidya to Jyoti and them Shakyas and Tuladhars. I think they have better 'international' networks than our comrade chairman who only knows a few people from RAW (the Indian intelligence agency!).

The only reason Prachandoo is running around, trying to get 'international' support for Lumbini chahi... he wants some commission from them '3 billion dollar' investment thing kya.

10% khaye pani 300 million US$... ani tyes pachi , our comrades won't have to extort and act like a mafia organization hola ni. I hope comrade chairman will stop attending them so-called 'Chinese' NGO ko meeting as co-vice-chairman hehe!

How stupid can you be ? You have already been a Prime-Monster of Nepal.. yeso ali ali class slass dehkau-noo ni hoinuh ruh? Why is he acting like a lobbyist for some 'shady' organization kya?

I think our government should run a decade long 'tourism' campaign. Next year 'Lumbini' bhayee halyo.. arko barsa 'Pokhara' , tyes pachi 'Bandipur' and so on.

Baroo... come up with a plan and once Lumbini has all them highways, international airport and hotels (to accommodate all them tourists and pilgrims) ani balla po 'Visit Lumbini' campaign soo-roo garney ni! A million tuh kay.. 10 million nai aucha hola ni tyes pachi tuh!

Our netas neither have any plan slan nor do they promise that they won't do any bandhs and nautanki nataks kya. Mukh ma jay ayo bolyo... now Prachandoo tells us that they won't get things done by November 30th ... arko 6 months extension chai-hi-yo rey.

Maybe he should just quit politics and devote all his energy and nautanki nataks on Lumbini. He can keep the 10% and his son can update his facebook albums.... Lumbini ko garden ma bandook samatey-ruh photo kichney hola ni feri comrade crown prince lay.. hehe!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Nepal Sambat...

Mao Inc. is probably the richest political-business-mafia organization in Nepal. They are the largest political party, they own all them jaggas in Kathmandu and have invested karods in them media, hospitals, banks and what not. And they also have all them chor-dakas in them YCLs and of course, them trade union wallahs who act like them 'hafta-asooli' dons from Mumbai hehe!

UML is broke. What the hell were Makune and Jhallu Baba doing when they were them Prime-Monsters ni? I guess they just wanted a free 'SUV' and them 'security for life' deal hola. And our Congressis haroo ko pani halat patla kya. The Madeshi parties haroo pani... them netas are now all 'Karod-Patis' while them party sarty tuh tyehi taal ho.

If you want to get into 'Nepali' Politics then your Harvard degree is not enough hai (hehe!), you need to follow the 'Sharad' dai ko formula.

Yes, Mr. Sharad Singh Bhandari can teach our new turks a lesson on rajniti. He was a manadely during them Panchey days. Then he became a 'Kangaroo' and now he is a 'Madeshi' leader.

If you want to survive then you better adapt or else you will fail kya.
Our Mao-buddies are hosting a tea party on October 31st. So if you want a free cup of tea and some samosa, kera and ladoo then please go to Bhrikuti Mandap hai.

The comrades are hosting this tea reception to celebrate Dashain, Tihar, Nepal Sambat and Chhath festivals rey.
Waah rey... sabai Bhramin-Chettri, Newar ani Madeshi haroo lai samatey-ko ho ki kya ho?

Hope they will also host them tea parties during Losar and maybe have a 'midnight feast' during Ramadan kya. Ani balla po huncha tuh... so-called 'inclusive' party hagi.

And even our comrades are celebrating Tihar, playing Deusi-Bhailo .... what's wrong with our communists? Please do participate in them Christmas Carols pani hai.

I guess our Maoists have stopped praying to Mao & Marx ... abuh tuh money & muscles ko khel tuh ho ni.
Dr. Saheb tells us that Nepal Sambat calender will be implemented soon rey. Yes, it's about tyam we got rid of this 'Bikram Sambat' aka B.S. natak ni.

I guess our comrades really want to win the hearts and minds of the 'Newars' in the valley.
Baburam dai must have learned his lesson well. When he was the Finance Minister, he decided to cut down them 'buffalo' budget for them Newar festivals and them folks nearly burned down the valley hehe!

You don't want to piss off them Newars kya. First you make your move when they are all drunk and partying like crazy (yes, Mr. Shah from Gorkha got lucky after the third tyam) and then let them party some more so that they won't hold a grudge ni.

I think we should have 'Nepal Sambat' for cultural purposes ani baroo official kaam saam ko laagi tuh, we should follow the 'Kuirey' calender ni baroo. Look at them Desis, all them civil service dekhi education sabai Angrez kai tuh follow gari raa-cha ni... ramrai garya chan kyaaruh!

And Baburam dai attended them 'Vinutna' function and read his speech in 'Newari' ... accent saccent ruh yeta oota pronunciation ali naw-miley pani... taali chahi khoob pitay chan hamra 'Newar' daju bhai haroo lay.

Padma Ratna Tuladhar, our so-called comrade, human rights wallah got all emotional and was crying rey. He also requested the Prime Minister to speak in them local languages when he attends them 'local' functions across the country.

Lau fasad abuh Dr. Saheb lai.... Losar ma tuh Gurung, Tamang, Sherpa, Rai sabai ko bhasa ahiley dekhi siknay ho ki? And if Baburam dai really thinks that Palestine deserves a statehood then what about Tibet ni? Why are we scared of the Chinese Embassy?

Tyestai durr cha baney Amrika ko command center chahi Rolpa ma rakh-naw dim.. they can co-ordinate their Afghan-Pak operations from here ni.
No, I am not for selling our country but if all them remote areas lai lease ma dim naw.

When the Amrikis leave then we can convert them bases into hotels and what not... British lay hill station haroo banai-diye naw .... baroo Lady Gaga pani au-cha ki ghoom-naw Nepal ma.. hehe!

We can't keep both them Chinese and Desi bhais happy.. so let's get the biggest brother and have fun ni baroo... then who knows... the Amrikan Embassy will give us all them iphones hola ni.. hehe!

Okay, let's get back to the Nepal Sambat.... the Bikram Sambat is all screwed up because it's 2068 now and even though, we seem to be ahead of them kuireys by 57 years... desh ko halat hay-raw nuh.

1132 is more like it... we can say, we still have like 880 years to catch up with them so-called 'bikasit' rastras ni.
Wishing all the Newars, a happy New Year 1132!

It's about tyam, they woke up and kicked some neta haroo ko arses so that we will finally get the constitution and maybe minimize the looting of our state funds by the so-called all-party mechanism nataks!

We need you folks again. Kathmandu ka Newar haroo naw-uthay samma yee neta haroo lay looti rahan-chan.. lau abuh motorcycle rally matra hoina.. Prachandoo ko palace ma gayeruh hisab kitab leem baroo!

Friday, October 28, 2011


Today is 'Bhai Tika' and the auspicious hour for offering tika chahi 11:55am rey. But don't worry, we have come a long way and our priests don't eat fruits and yogurt anymore... they are more into momocha and whiskey ko chuski kya.

It's okay to receive tika from your sisters throughout the day and our Gods won't be pissed off. I think it's about tyam our Hindu priests stop discriminating against 'thulo' dais ni.

It's probably a little odd for a 'Daju' to call up his sister from Australia and wish her happy 'Bhai Tika' ... baroo, abuh dekhi 'Daju Bhai Tika' bhan-dim naw!

If you don't know them story behind Bhai Tika then let me refresh your memory hai. Today is the day, Yamuna invited her brother, Lord Yamaraj (yes similar to Lord Voldemort for our kids.... hehe!) for a special khana, tika and gifts.

Yamu dai was always busy kya and he never had tyam to hang out with his sister rey. Ani tyes din pachi, all sisters offered tika to their brothers rey. I have been known to dish out inaccurate information, so don't go around quoting me ni feri .... if you are writing some college paper!

And for those who don't have sisters or brothers, Rani Pokhari is open all day (the only day!) for worship sworship .. but most of us do have bros and sis .... ragat lay naw-bhaye pani maya lay banako ni.

Today, I would like to thank my four sisters for being such wonderful didi bahinis. My eldest sister is in London. Ani thulo didi #2 is with me here in Nepal. Thulo bahini is in the SAARC region (cannot disclose location due to her work as a combat engineer) and my sano bahini is doing her MD in chimeki land.

I want to thank my parents for giving a starting five ko lineup for a basketball game hehe! My father used to run them cross country stuff and play basketball when he was in his 20s.

We all got them same jeans (hehe).... whenever my bahinis are in town, we go to the local basketball court to play and they are very good. I used to be a 3 point specialist tyeti bela.. abuh tuh I even suck when I play them 'Donkey' stuff hehe!

My parents complain that I am the least communicative one... but I am working on it. I now use this great stuff called 'Skype' hehe and do reply to all them 'family' emails.

My parents are now senior citizens and even I am known as 'Uncle' in my neighborhood .... waah... come a long way from 'Ye Pucche' to 'Bro' to 'Dai' to 'Uncle'... hehe!

Anyways, wishing all my sisters happiness and love and hope that I will be the brother they can be proud of... ahiley samma tuh khaas kehi lacchan dekhya chaina.. hehe... but I am getting there hola!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Michael Learns to Rock

MLTR used to be huge back in the 90s.... Nepal ma! I guess them ODC network folks should bring all them 'Euro-Trash' wallahs every other month. I am probably the last of the Mohicans to listen to all them 'Singaporean' tapes we used to get from them New Road pasals hehe!

Tyeti bela ko band sand bhanya ... WHAM (George Micheal is now busy either pissing bato ma or asking for some favors at them bathrooms hehe!), Modern Talking , A-Ha etiyaadi.. hehe! Bon Jovi used to be huge those days.... then we all discovered them kuires who dressed up in tights and had long hair hola ni.

Harek Duesi Bhailo ma tuh sabai Guns N Roses ko nai geet hoonthyo... taruh final geet chahi feri 'Maya Meri Maya' nai ho kya!

Then came tyo movie... 'Doors' and everybody wanted to look like Jim Morrison. I once went to Bhrikuti Mandap to see this Amriki Band called 'US Band' ... gaye pachi po tha-ha bhayo.. hamro Darjeeling ka dai haroo ko 'Unity of Soul' band po rahecha. But they were pretty good and the only song I remember from that night chahi.. KISS ko 'I was made for loving you' hehe!

Anyways, lets get back to the 'MLTR' story. The concert is on November 19th rey. And if you hurry... you have until tomorrow (Oct 28th) to get them discounts. They have silver, gold, platinum and VVIP tickets rey.

If you are a VVIP then please prepare to pay 10 grand for a ticket. Abuh yo Tundikhel ma soontala ruh badaam naw-kha-yeruh kay MLTR ko bhajan soon-ney bhanya. Anyways, I have no idea who can afford them 10 grand wallah tickets. I can't but I am not going anyway because I don't remember their songs ahiley tuh.

I think if them event wallahs bring 'New Kids on the Block' here in Kathmandu... some kind of a reunion tour thing then all them 90s girls would gladly (or threaten their hubbies to) pay 20 grand to attend hola. Tyeti bela tuh if you were out on a date (tyehi Bakery Cafe ma tuh ho ni) then you would have to tell the girl that NKOTB were really cool or else you wouldn't get the opportunity to hold hands kya.

I think the ODC folks are catering to the 30+ folks... most of them are now managers at them banks or make at least 20K a month ni. I think if they really want to make money and give us all a good tyam then invite Bob Marley ko choro, Ziggy and his band kya.

We do have lot of 'rasta' folks in Kathmandu. Some are 60 and some are in their 20s ni.... tyo chahi babaal hooncha hola hagi! We already have them 'Blues' and 'Jazz' festivals ... abuh why not them 'Reggae' festival ni.

I am not attending them '90s' wallah ko concert anytime soon .... tyeti bela aako bhaye tuh ghar ko VCR nai bechey-ruh gayee-nthyo hola ni... hehe!

Anyways, if you are going then have fun hai but don't forget to follow them event wallah ko terms and conditions ... yes, just like in them 'Bryan' dai ko natak kya.

Here are them conditions hai:

1. Children below 4 feet in height won't be allowed rey. But if you are 30 and only 3ft and 11 inches then what.... is this a freaking roller coaster ride ki kay ho?

2. Pregnant women are also not allowed. Yes, according to them scientists, your hoonay wallah kid should listen to Mozart dai not MLTR hehe.

3.Individuals under the influence of drugs or liquor haroo pani banned rey. So are them event wallahs getting them breathalyzers to test on them folks? Ani drug test ko laagi chai kay.. instant pee-o-meter hola ni?

4. Persons with severe heart or medical condition haroo pani naw-gaye hooncha.... I think them doctors from Norvic will be on standby hola to test everyone if they have some kind of a 'heart' condition.

5. Ani prohibited items chahi: You can't take them recording devices or professional cameras rey. Maybe just get a 'Press' pass from some dailies and kiching all the pictures hehe. And please don't bring weapons hai. This is not a bar and we don't have cowboys in Nepal... so no gunfights please!

And no glass, cans, plastic bottles or food rey. Lau abuh vitrai kinney holan tuh sabai paani, khana etiyaadi. Or just eat tons of dal bhat masoo before you go to the concert. The door opens at 2pm and the show ends around 9pm rey. So don't go hungry feri you will be foolish kya.

And no smoking as well because the event wallahs support 'Nepal Cancer Society' rey... but will them electric ciggies do? I don't know.... but once again them bankers and INGO wallahs will be rocking and will again call me up and say, 'you missed all the fun, dude!'

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Goddess of Wealth....

Today is 'Laxmi Puja' ... Hindus pray to Goddess Laxmi so that they can be wealthy rey. Well, living in Kathmandu will neither make you healthy or wealthy unless you are one of them chor netas, chor byaparis or chor civil servants.

Hami common citizens haroo tuh ... we only get pollution, frustration and inflation lay jahiley pani dhaad nai bhaach-ney kya.

And our country's trade deficit for this year chahi.. around 333 billion Rupees rey. That's like nearly 4+ billion Amriki dollars! I guess Goddess Laxmi has only been kind to our Desi bhais hagi.

Hamro trade deficit with them Desis chahi around 216 billion Rupees... and Dumpling bhais make 45 billion Rupees more from them 'Khasa' jackets and what not .. they sell to us ni.

We now import nearly everything... when it comes to our food kya. Kathmandu ko jagga ma tuh abuh ghar bahek kehi chaina. Even them Terai ko jagga ma plotting slotting eityaadi.

And when we get them 'seeds' from the Amriki company then we will be left with nothing... ani tyeti bela chahi... maybe we will import banners and placards (from China) to protest against them 'seed' wallahs hola ni.

Abuh tuh... we, Kathmanduites should start our own veggie garden, afnai ghar ko chawt maathi.. because our food prices increase every year and soon, we won't be able to afford a kg of tomato for our achar or aloo for some aloo dum.

I think we should all go to Israel and learn how to grow them veggies ... they do it even in them desert rey... abuh hami chahi bato ma nai tamatar pha-laam naw!

We spent like a billion dollars just to buy them fuel suel from India. Everybody has a motorbike now and nearly all middle class folks want to buy a second hand Santro or tyo i10, i20 gaadi saadi hehe!

Abuh electric gaadi, bike chalau bhaney pani batti nai chaina.... I think it's about tyam we all started walking and save our money. We won't be wealthy but at least we will be healthy hola ni.

The Kathmandu District Office has banned them Deusi Bhailo program after 12 am rey. Oh.. thank you guys.... them Dance bars can open till 2am but our youngsters will have to stop playing their baaja by midnight kya.

Deusi Bhailo tuh .. it's only for a few days ni .. while our dance bars continue to disturb the neighborhood and exploit them women and rip off jhallu (mosty jagga dalals and chor) customers who end up paying a thousand rupees for a can of Red Bull rey.

A few months ago, my aunt was in Alka Hospital, Jawlakhel. I went to visit her around 8pm and I could hear all them Dohori songs from a 'Dohori' restaurant nearby.

Well, if you enjoy 'Dohori' then that's fine hola but if you are recovering from a surgery then you don't want to be enjoying them loud music ni.

Khoi... I have no idea how our municipality wallahs think but them dance bars make tons of money and they pay off our cops, civil servants and them dons ni.... ani hami tuh choop chaap basney tuh ho ni!

Anyways, Hope all of you are having fun this Tihar. May Goddess Laxmi be happy with you and may you get the government tender sender this year or get some funds from your mantri or hakim saheb so that you too can buy a second hand gaadi and contribute to our trade deficit with India ... hehe!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Dogs & Crows...

Today is the festival of dogs ani crows pani (ekai din parecha hagi!).... so hope our 'birdman' Gautam Sapkota did his 'Annual Crow Festival' thing this year as well. I know the birdman very well because I sponsored his 'Crow Festival' for the last two years... hehe!

We did the '2008' one at Balkumari, Lalitpur and then arko choti chai, it was inside Narayanhiti, Ministry of Foreign Affairs vitra. Dhukhur bhai (that's what I call him), is also known as 'Chari Dada' and he had invited Sujata auntie to be the chief guest then.

I really don't like Sujata auntie so instead of sitting with her, I went to the back and enjoyed the 'Crow' show. Gautam bhai really wants to get a certificate from the Guinness people but it's not like them other records where you read for 120 hours or juggle 58 golf balls for 59 seconds etiyaadi.

So it's pretty tough for the Guinness wallahs hola... he tells me that he can do them bird sounds.. tyo pani 150+ rey... hope someday he will be on some Amriki cable channel and gets to hang out with them Kuire celebrities kya and make tons of dollars!

Last year, I was busy with other stuff so we really couldn't find tyam to do the event but this year chahi, I hear some club is helping him with the event!

The man has skills but since he is not affiliated to any political parties, none of our netas are interested to help him kya. Even Sujata auntie doled out millions of Rupees to her chamchas but she gave nothing to our birdman! She promised to help him rey but then she backed out .... I think arko choti chahi he should do some mimicry of Sujata auntie instead!

This year, I have not been well .. health pani wealth pani hehe... so I backed out of sponsoring his event. I feel sorry for him. I should have at least sponsored the flex board or sound system hola. Maybe arko barsa chahi.... I will try to help him with some dineros!

It's easy to get sponsors for dance parties and music festivals and what not. You can always rely either on them 'Surya' or 'Raksi' wallahs to fund your event but finding sponsors for Dhukur Bhai's 'Crow Festival' was always a problem. So I pitched in then ... arko choti chahi... let's all contribute and fund his event hai!

I hear he's got new folks to help him out with the event this year. Hope someday, our birdman will be appreciated for his skills. Right now, he goes to them schools and does his presentation and stuff. That's how he is surviving .... and he once threatened to invite all them crows to our international airport and disrupt them flights hehe!

He also plans to do the 'crow' thing @ BICC ... maybe he should do that when our netas are all walking inside the CA Hall.. maybe ask them crows to shit on our great politicians pani... hehe!

Today is also 'Kukur' puja... tyam to feed your dogs (well) hola ni. A year ago, I adopted a stray dog... couldn't come up with a cool name, so named him 'Brownie' ... but had to put him to sleep because all them medications didn't help him recover. Now, I have another dog, Dorax.. adopted him because the kids from the Tibetan Home had too many dogs and wanted to give him away rey.

I am not into them 'foreign' dogs like most of my friends. A stray or a local will do.... Dorax will be with me for a long tyam... hope so... and I had 'Jackie' for like 10 years before he passed away. I like dogs more than cats or even crows.... and every morning, I talk with Dorax for 5 minutes .. ... he listens very well... but of course he never replies but he only wants me to play with his tummy.. hehe!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Monday Night RAW...

I am not talking about them World Wrestling ko Monday Night RAW thing ni feri. The last tyam I watched them 'funny wrestling' was back when Andre the Giant was still alive kya.

Our comrade 'Badal' (also lover of our didi, Pampha Bhusal) tells us that our chairman, Prachandoo is actually a RAW agent rey. Yes, we all know that kya. Them desis are not stupid ni... all them tyam, Prachandoo was hiding in India and sleeping with them RAW agents while Gajurel and Baidya were arrested by the Indian Police and enjoyed them roti and sabji at them desi jails kya.

And our Dr. Saheb is greeted with black flags by his own comrades....(well, they happen to belong to a different faction ni). The last tyam them comrades waved them black flags was back when Rakesh Sood was the Indian Ambassador. Sood is now somewhere in France, enjoying them fashion shows, truffles and caviar hola ni.

I think someone needs to tell our communists that they should be waving their red bandanas instead ni.... abuh kalo looga ko pani market khaney bichar cha ki kya ho?

Our netas are never happy. Baburam did try his best to make them Desis happy. He signed them BIPA thing with them Indians. Mr. Bijukhche, the 'King' of Bhaktapur thinks that this trade agreement will now make it easier for them Indian army to come to Nepal rey.

I think our netas know how to protest and that's it. If you are not happy then why not do your protest rallies before Dr. Saheb signed the deal kya?

I think it's about tyam, our netas stopped blaming India for everything. Baroo... if you are so patriotic then invade India ni. Baidya would be the first one in line to start the 'war' hola ni. How come our comrades are not helping our folks who get harassed at the Indian border? Why are our comrades not hanging them human traffickers who sell our sisters to them Indian brothels?

Cha-hiney kura garnoo chaina... jahiley pani nautanki natak garyo, basyo... daka haroo!

Armed Police Force (APF) is 11 today. Happy Birthday to our so-called (army) police. They were quite disciplined before but since they started guarding our borders and them foreign embassies.. they have slowly become like our 'Nepal' Police kyaaruh.

Our APF wallahs have now learned them tricks kya. They harass our own people at them borders and ask for chiya kharcha etiyaadi. And the ones guarding them embassies and INGOs need to understand that this is our country and we have the right to stop and stare at them big walls of them foreign embassies.

You don't have the right to blow your whistles and threaten us with bodily harm if we like to chat with a friend in front of them embassy gates ni. Hami lay kawr tirey ko paisa lay taw-lab khaney ani hami lai nai thok-nay .. kya mazza hagi.

APF ko kura garda.. I still remember the former IGP, Krishna Mohan Shrestha and his wife who were gunned down by our Mao-buddies. I hope someday Prachandoo uncle will apologize to the late IGP's daughters. How come none of them so-called netas were hurt during them "People's War" kya?

If the Mao-buddies were so anti-monarchy then why is Gyanu uncle still getting them free security and fuel and what not? If our comrades were so 'desh-bhakta' then why are they making deals with the Desis ni?

Yestai ho ... rajniti bhanchan.... baroo I think we can do without our politicians... baroo let's send a thousand people to get some 'referee training' from FIFA and every time somebody commits a crime, be it murder or ghoos-khaa-ying then he or she can show them red cards and ban them for not a game but for a decade ni...

Sabai chor haroo lai desh nee-kaa-laa gardim naw... ki kaso? I think we have almost seen it all. We have seen the raja-badis, the so-called prajantantra-badis and the mao-badis... but all of them were kha-o-badis... now we need someone who is on a diet hola ni!

Tihar is here...

Abuh feri Tihar soo-roo... I like Tihar more than Dashain ... I think we all do hagi! Baburam dai is back from India. He got all emotional @ JNU rey. Yes, I feel the same whenever I go back to my school.

If Baburam hadn't gone to JNU then he would just be another professor and maybe would have designed a few buildings here and there hola. JNU is like .. I don't know UC Berkeley (in the 60s) hola ni.

Comrade chairman promised us that he would get everybody to follow his 'final' plan after Dashain... abuh Tihar nai ayee-sakyo. Now, we will have to wait another week while we feed our cows, crows, dogs and then the Goddess of wealth and not to forget Bhai Tika!

I hope our neta haroo ko sisters will ask their brothers to do the right thing instead of screwing us over and over again kya. Baroo tyee didi bahini haroo lay bhai tika nai boycott gawr-dey kaso hola? Ani yeso koo-cho lay pani tha-ta-ye hoon-thyo ni tyee chor neta dai bhai haroo lai?

I will be in Pokhara ... and I might not post daily... the 'daily' ritual has already been broken ... hehe! From November onwards, I plan to write what you want me to write... hehe!

Bhanna khojya chai... if somebody wants me to write about the best momo in town or anything , be it religion, samosas, Prachandoo's mustache etc then please use the comment section below!

Give me a topic and I will try to write something about it. I will start this thing from November... so if you are the first one reading this, then you can write 'November 1st: How to walk from Thamel to Indrachowk in less than 2 minutes' etc... hehe.. then the arko saathi or saathi-ni can send me a topic for November 2nd and so on hai.

Yes, this is a new bet thing going on with my friend feri.... I will do this until December end and let's see what happens after that hai.

And hamro Nepal Army is sending a bunch of their folks to Iraq. NA has been doing this 'UN peacekeeping' stuff since 1958 and we have like thousands of soldiers around the world trying to bring peace to them war-zones.

They get paid like 1,000 dollars a month or something ani tyo pani, army ko welfare fund lay 20-22% kaat-cha. And our army generals get to enjoy and so do their wives kya... tyehi welfare fund ko paisa yeta otta gardai...

My 'Major' friends make like 15,000 Rupees a month. Abuh tyo paisa lay kay khaney ho Kathmandu ma? So if they do get to go to them UN peacekeeping missions for a year or two then they bring home 10-15 lakhs. Some buy a second-hand Santro, some buy 3-4 anna jagga in the outskirts of the valley etiyaadi.

I think we should send the whole 'PLA' folks to some peacekeeping mission somewhere in the world. They can play 'soldier' and make 10-15 lakhs instead of using our money or asking bideshis to pitch in for their 'goodbye' package ni.

I sometimes feel sorry for our security personnel. Them generals and DIGs enjoy life like our Shree Tins and use them soldiers as their personal slaves. Our politicians use our security personnel the same way and it's about tyam, Baburam dai looked into this and seriously reform the police service kya.

What about the army? Well, the bo-lai kho-wai is pretty good in the army. Everybody speaks like 'Rana' cousins... hehe! But like every other institutions, maathi tuh politics bhayee halcha ni.

Baburam dai, I am too lazy to send you an email but please come up with 'Mind Your Language' for our cops hai. Why are them men in blue swearing like sailors (we don't have a navy ni) and who gives them the right to harass, torture and abuse us kya?

Baburam dai will win our hearts and minds if he comes out with a 'code of conduct' for our police-wallahs as well. Ministers haroo tuh dekhi halyo ni... they still run around Kathmandu, blazing hem sirens and what not. Abuh police wallah ko taal pani tyehi tuh hola ni... even if someone comes out with them new rules and regulations kya.

Or maybe we can send our police-wallahs back to school or maybe ask our army wallahs to teach them how to speak. I really don't like the 'Khai-see-wos, Laagai-see-wos' language but it's better to hear them cops say, 'Tapai bike batuh jhaari-see-wos' rather than 'Saaley, *** ko choro, bike batuh jhar gadha kukoor' hoinuh ruh?

My friends tell me that I am wrong but I still think that if it weren't for them police brutalities ... not many folks would have joined our Mao-buddies during them "People's War" kya. Our police-wallahs haven't changed a bit in the last 20 years!

Them constables are now hawal-daars hola but how come the 'new' ones act and behave the same kya? Or is Nepal Police only hiring 'chors' and folks who were never taught to act and speak like 'civilized' human beings?

Lau .. Aja lai yeti nai... jado soo-roo bhayo... raati chahi jacket sacket lagai yeruh hid-noo hola... or hidi-see-wos.. hehe!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Gaddafi is dead.....

Gaddafi should have taken my advice hola... if he had only moved to Milan and opened a fashion boutique or something then he would still be alive today ni. Lau... Gaddafi is finally dead ... and we have lost one of the world's most outlandish dictator ever..

Ronnie dai (tyeti bela ko Amriki President) did try to kill him once.... Gaddafi was lucky then but finally, after 42 years of designing his own dresses and editing his 'Green Book', the great self-proclaimed chess grandmaster is dead.

The Chinese have like 20 something billion dollars invested in Libya and they are calling for an 'inclusive' transition rey. Yes, the Chinese are very inclusive kya.... we have seen how they treat their minorities ni. But like everyone else... they do want a piece of the pie because now it will be the Euro-trash and Amriki cowboys making billions ni.

Them Amrikis and their Euro-trash friends made deals with Saddam ... ani pachi they got rid of him. Obama will pull out all them Amriki soldiers from Iraq by the end of this year rey. But Iraq ruh Afghanistan ma arko 10-20 barsa tyestai daang doong nai hoonay ho kya.

The problem with them countries chahi.... tyehi tribal leaders, war lords ruling their own little kingdoms ni... ani Amriki democracy won't work there ki kaso.

Libya has them oil soil.... so does Iraq and Afghanistan ma tuh khoi... opium bahek kay paucha tha-ha bhayenuh malai! But when you have been ruled by jackasses for so long .... it's pretty difficult to change overnight ni.

We had 100+ years of 'Rana' party and our netas are still acting like Ranas kya. Nothing against my 'Rana' friends... but it's been 60+ years and we still have the 'Hukumi Saa-Shun' ni... even our Mao-buddies turned out to be jhan daka than the previous clowns kya.

Now, them Amriki analysts tell us that Syria ko paalo rey. Khoi... Gaddafi became a friend of the Amrikis when he decided to abandon his 'Nukie' plans... and his infatuation with Condi didi and his love letter to Obama didn't help hagi.

So the moral of the story is .... just because you shook hands with the Amriki doesn't mean he's going to invest in your gau ko jagga. Even if he does then he will probably buy your so-called organic stuff for 10 cents and then make 10 dollars from it kya...hehe!

Amrika is a great country but them foreign policies natak chahi... it's all about their national interest rey.... so they will help you fight their so-called enemies or give them your oil soil but when you are in the hot seat then they will turn their back and then you get shot in the head!

Yes, Saddam, Gaddafi and even Mubarak.... them jackasses ruled their countries like them kings, who once ruled in them places... but they forgot to leave before it was too late hola. Mubarak is smoking hookah but poor Saddam and Gaddafi... one was arrested in his undies, chomping on Mars and drinking 7up kyaaruh and then he got hanged.... ani our fashion designer chahi.... he didn't even have time to clean up .... he got shot in the head before he could go on a rant!

Them Libyans (well most of them) are happy... we too were happy when we got rid of the 'Rana Saashun', when we got rid of 'Panchey Baja' and when we became a 'Republic' .... abuh tuh, all we need is them Prozac hola ni.

Baburam dai is busy, chatting and eating chaat saat hola. And Prachandoo dada is now in Nagarkot. I think Nepal Tourism Board (NTB) should ask our comrade chairman to write about his visits to them resorts here and there kya. And them tourists can visit them places.. maybe all them resorts should market them rooms ni... like ... 'the chairman slept here' or something like that!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Free Desi Deals?

Published today ...The Week/Republica

Dr Saheb is on his official trip to India. He knows Delhi very well and has friends there from his university days. And he also spent many years there as an NRN during his stint as an ‘underground’ guerilla ni.

Delhi has changed a lot since Dr Saheb and his better half were dating kya. I hope Dr Saheb will get to visit the new airport, ride on a metro and also check out the Delhi public buses and maybe he can bring some changes here in the Valley when he gets back.

I sometimes feel sorry for him. Wouldn’t it be better if we had the local elections so we could have our own mayors and mayor-nis to solve our local problems than the PM spending his valuable time figuring out how to solve the traffic problems of the Valley?

For the first time in history, we have a PM who can match the educational credentials of his Desi counterpart. Both have PhDs and they can always talk about their dissertations if they run out of guffs ni.

It has become a tradition for a PM of Nepal to get invited by the Desi PM to have samosa and tea at 7 Race Course Road, Delhi. And our PMs normally make their first official foreign trip to India as well.

Comrade Chairman made history when he broke the protocol and instead went off to China to watch the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. Most of us have been to Delhi but not to the Olympics ni. So he probably gets to brag about it hola.

Jhallu Baba didn’t get the invite to hang out in Delhi. He must still be mad at them Desis. Yes, the Indians can act petty but I guess they just returned the “snubbing” favor.

So a word of advice to our politicians: if you’re always asking your neighbors for favors, then it’s better not to badmouth them, or try to play one against the other kya.

Since we all know how to flatter and grease the palms, why not use our “national” skills when it comes to foreign diplomacy kya? Our big neighbors do have big egos and if we want good deals, then we better boost their egos ni.

We just have to praise them and tell them repeatedly how big and mighty they are. Everybody likes compliment ni, hoina ra?

We hear that the Desis plan to shower Dr Saheb with gifts. No, I’m not talking about personal gifts because our Dr. Saheb doesn’t care if you wear a Zara or a Dora kya.

If we can get the Indians to give us some free electricity, then maybe we can spend more quality time with our families, watching the Desi family TV serials this winter.

Our Army Chief gets to be the “Honorary” General of the Indian Army, and vice versa. How come we can’t have something similar for our PMs as well? Wouldn’t it be cool? Our former Chief Sahebs get free golf passes at the Indian Army clubs hola and maybe our PMs will get to crash at their PM’s residence once in a while ni.

And hope the Desi border guards will stop harassing our folks at the border once they get a call from their “Honorary” PM in Kathmandu.

Dr Saheb is expected to ask the Desis for a billion-dollar loan. Maybe he should’ve visited Dhaka and asked the Bangladeshis how they managed to get a better deal from them Desis?

Talking about loans, our “Dons” seem to be loaded. Parshuram Basnet, the Khalasi-turned-Don in Biratnagar is yet to be arrested but now his bank accounts have been frozen rey.

According to our media, Basnet made like 800 million Rupees in the last five years. If we can only get our top 100 dons to kindly donate (Maoist lingo would be: voluntarily or transfer) their ill-gotten wealth, then we wouldn’t have to ask the bideshis for loans hagi?

Basnet owns ek karod ko gaadi, dui karod ko ghar and even gifted his supporters 200 motorbikes rey. I think our journalists have confused him with Rajnikanth. Rajnikanth has fans. Basnet has his hoodlums ni.

Every year, we import like Rs 750 million ko Chinese apples from Khasa while our farmers in Jumla are dumping theirs because they can’t afford the helicopter charter flights to sell their stuff in the Valley ni.

Maybe Basnet can turn his life around like our CA member, Baban Dai. He can buy us all a bag of Chinese apples and he will still have 50 million Rupees left in the bank.

Then what? Well, he’s already a “yuva neta” and now it’s about tyam he moved into the big leagues and followed the footsteps of many great dons who have managed to cross over to the great game of politics.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Chinese Apples...

According to them latest figures from our Tataopani Customs Office, we imported like 170 million Rupees ko Chinese apples for Dashain rey. I guess a lot of folks are eating apples instead of kashi ko masoo hola ni.

An apple a day keeps a doctor away bhanchan kyaaruh.... but I would rather buy them Jumla ko apples ni taruh kay garney.... our farmers in Jumla are throwing away their apples kinnuh bhaney bato ghato nai chaina ani kay helicopter charter garey ruh Kathmandu ma apple bech-nay?

Our netas and sarkaari hakims need to learn a thing or two from them Chindia hola.... first let us save our farmers kya. Yeso bato sato banai dim naw..... why are we sending billions of Rupees to our dosa & dumpling brothers. It's not only apples... we import nearly everything and even masoo nai barsa ma 15-20 billion Rupees ko tuh hami desi bhai lai tir-chau!

Yestai ho .... Naya Nepal ma... harek barsa we spend like Rs 750 million for them Chinese apples rey and every year, our government would rather help them fertilizer dealers and bideshi agricultural companies than our own farmers.

Yes, we have all heard of them Amrikan company pushing for their seeds weeds here in Nepal. Let us not blame them Amrikans.... they are capitalists and if one of their companies want to make money here then the Amrikan Embassy will help them ni.

But I think it's tyam we do some kind of a protest rally against 'Monsanto' ... baroo we tell them Amrikans 'No Monsanto.... baroo send us Lady Gaga' or something like that... hehe! Abuh NepalUnites should do a rally in front of the Amrikan Embassy kya. Hami pani support garoom-laa... baroo let's have a 'Lady Gaga' concert in Rangasala paid for by the Amriki People (USAID!) ki kaso?

Ani hamro government chahi.... we only talk about them unfair treaties with India and what not but when it comes to our products, our netas really don't care if our farmers go hungry, or them byaparis get hassled by them custom wallahs in India kya.

Let us not blame them Desis for everything kya. Yestai taal ho bhaney tuh, we will probably be buying drinking water from India or China someday .... hehe!

And Parshuram, the former bus conductor turned 'Don' is in the news again. His bank accounts have been frozen rey. Finally, our cops have followed the Amriki formula to get them criminals hola. You can't arrest them goondas because all of them seem to be protected by our great netas... but you can get them for money laundering and other nataks ni.

Al Capone got busted for tax evasion back in them days .... maybe we can get not only mundrey goondas but all of our netas as well if our Department of Money Laundering Investigation (there is one!) really gets their act together ni.

Parshuram Basnet is still hiding somewhere.... our sources tell us he is eating chicken chilly in Kathmandu but he is yet to be arrested and we all know why ... our netas like him a lot and our cops can't arrest him or else they might be transferred to Dolpa, Rolpa etiyaadi.

Basnet made like Rs 800 million in the last five years rey. What? That's like 80 croroes Rupees... ten million dollars! Abuh kay ko Amrikan Dream ni... Nepal ma yetti ka paisa kamau-ney rahecha... maybe the Gambino family in Queens should apply for a Nepali Green Card hola ... hehe!

So if you are a criminal and want to make billions then join a youth group of some political party. Youth Force and YCL seem to be the top two football clubs ... hehe! But if you are in Terai then even the Forum Wallahs have good players as well!

Basnet even gave like 200 bikes to his supporters rey. What's wrong with our media-wallahs? They are not his supporters (he is not Rajnikanth!).... baroo, it's more like his cronies and chamchas kya. If you want to be a don then you better have 100-200 mundrey goondas at your side ni.

He has houses worth crores in Biratnagar and investments in hoarding board factory, mosquito net factory etiyaadi rey. Basnet may have started out as a Khalasi but he is a pretty smart guy hagi. You can't go wrong with them mosquito nets kya.

And our government will request them Desi bhais to increase their annual aid to Nepal rey... ani they also plan to ask for a loan of US$ 250 million rey. I think our netas should take a course on diplomacy or maybe ask them Bangladeshis kya. The Banglas got like a billion dollar ko loan from the Desis... maybe Baburam dai should visit Dhaka and have a fish curry before he heads to Delhi kya.

Ki chai... instead of asking bideshis for loan soan... why not ask our own loan sharks (Dons) instead hoinuh ruh? Parshuram alone is worth ten million dollars and we have other Dons like Ganesh dai, Milan dai, Deepak dai etiyaadi.... so if we can get like top 100 Dons to pitch in then our government should be able to build a highway in Jumla kya.

And if Parshuram Basnet really wants to change his ways like our CA member, Baban Singh ... then he should just sell his holdings and buy them Chinese apples for all of us hola. And he will still have like 50 million Rupees left .. hehe! Ani tyo paisa lay arko choo-naab (election) ma afai uth-nay ni... goonda batuh neta banney ni... kun chai naulo kura ho ruh?

Highway Accidents...

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and their families of the recent bus accident in Sindhuli. 41 folks died when them bus plunged down the cliff and 15 other injured rey. It's really sad news hagi.

Every year, hundreds of folks are killed due to them bus drivers driving like crazy and I have yet to understand ... why are them drivers in such a hurry? Ek jana ko natak lay kati jana marnoo parney ni?

During the Dashain tyam, our traffic wallahs let them bus companies pack folks like sardines inside, and more folks even on the roof and when accidents like this happen then it should wake up our government and even the bus-wallahs kya.

But them bus-wallahs either pay off them victims' families and the government just doesn't care because them transport companies are big donors to our political parties nai. And even if the sarkari hakim instructs his fellow workers to monitor them vehicles, them union wallahs act like they own them highways kya.

Our netas don't care.... they don't really use them buses to travel to their gaun saun ni. They either ask some ministry to send them a vehicle or call up them airlines (tyo pani last minute ma) and demand a seat kya.

Abuh tuh we have to hold them bus companies responsible and they should hire professional drivers and ask them to be more careful kya. If the driver saheb wants to find out if the bus can really fly over the cliff then he should try it out when he is alone in the vehicle ni.

There were several signs bato ma.. warning them bus-wallahs not to carry passengers over their capacity and not to speed like crazy but I guess either our bus drivers really can't read them signs (then at least make it mandatory for them to memorize them signs and take a test if they want to get them license ni!) or if they speed like crazy then they should be fined ek barsa ko taw-lob nai.

The reason our business-wallahs don't give a damn about them consumers ... chahi ... our fines and stuff ati nai kamti kya. Yo 'New' Nepal ma .... we still have them laws from the 'Old' Nepal and no one is interested to increase them fine sine... baroo let's introduce caning and badi fine like Singapore ni.

Desh lai tuh Singapore banau-naw sakey nuh taruh at least Singapore jastai euta Durian MRT ma khayo bhaney 5,000 dollar fine bhanya jastai, sadeko Gudpak bechnay lai Rs 250,000 hajar fine (tyo pani per packet) garey hooncha ni.

If you sell adulterated stuff... kati nai fine cha... 5,000 - 10,000 Rupees... that's like a pocket change for a guy who has sold a million packets of (adulterated milk) and made crores ni... hoinuh ruh?

And our Kangaroos (Nepali Congress) has demanded that the government investigate and provide relief to them victims' families rey. Ani our PM, Dr. Saheb has also directed them ministry-wallahs to investigate the cause of the accident rey.

Yes, we have all kinds of commission to investigate everything from them highway accidents, Sudan scam, plane crashed and what not..... and at the end of the day..... we forget them report seport and don't even follow the suggestions given by them experts.

We do have them crazy roads but if only our drivers maintained the speed limit then we could prevent a lot of them accidents ni. Even them accidents in the valley where them big buses hit them pedestrians ..... the main reason is over-speeding and trying to overtake and race with the other driver ni.

So just making them bus companies pay compensation to them victims' families and letting them drivers go home and drive another day will not really solve them problems.

And I don't know who really came up with this idea of burning any vehicle that gets into an accident kya... how did we turn into wild animals? Nepal ma chahi khoi kay taal ko natak ho... the bigger vehicle is always to blame even if the other 'sano' vehicle was at fault kya.

So if a truck hits a micro then truck ko fault, if the micro hits a motorcycle then micro ko fault rey... you get the idea ni.... and even when we have them fuel shortages, there will be one jackass who has a jerkin of petrol ready just in case there is an accident and he wants to burn a vehicle kya.

And how come our traffic wallahs don't even want to investigate but instead ask both parties to find a solution and come back to the police station to sign them agreement etiyaadi?

Maybe our traffic wallahs should ask our netas to do the same hagi... instead of just wasting our time and money with this CA natak... why don't these buffoons all go to Rolpa for a month or two (trekking pani hoonay, camping pani!) and come back when they have figured out everything that needs to be written in them constitution kya!

Friday, October 14, 2011

Not Right Now…. (NRN)

India has Anna Hazare. And we have Baban Singh, our ‘honest’ CA member, who started his ‘fast-unto-death’ natak against corruption in his home district. The fasting began on Monday and it lasted 48 hours. Baban dai could neither stay hungry nor stay foolish hola. It’s hard to forgo a plate of chicken chilly ni.

Our man was once in the ‘most wanted list’ of Nepal Police but they forgot to check his ID when he went to the CA Hall to take his oath. I have no idea what happened to them criminal cases pending against him but he would certainly be a very good case study for them Amriki political consultants hola.

How does one win an election without a single public appearance? I don’t know but my neighborhood political analyst (the local chiya pasal sahuji) tells me that you need bullets and bundles (of cash) to win the ballot rey.

But Baban dai is now a changed man. He is really inspired by Anna and now believes in non-violence which means he is less likely to win another election in the near future even if he makes hundreds of appearances in his district.

The Election commission might have to make changes to the eligibility requirements for people who want to stand up for an election. How about adding something like, ‘people without police cases registered against them or not under criminal investigation will not be allowed to contest an election’ kya.

And in our ‘new’ Nepal, folks accused of murder and other criminal acts seem to have more supporters than our national football team. We have rallies and bandhs in support of the accused while the victim’s family is pressured into accepting financial compensation to forgive and forget. If this is the new trend then hopefully, our prisons might be less crowded in the days to come.

Our President was in Qatar and hope he enjoyed the hospitality showered upon him by the Emirs. Instead of just asking them bideshis to visit Nepal and invest, why not ask the Qataris to help out our national carrier?

Qatar Airways is now one the fastest growing airlines in the world. And our Nepal Airlines Corporation (NAC) will probably be without even that ‘one’ functional plane if it keeps on canceling its flights every other week. Maybe we can save NAC if we sell half of it to private investors or if our sarkari hakims are not willing to do that then we can ask the Qataris to give us a few planes as a gift to commemorate the visit by our President ni.

The NRNs are here. Dr. Saheb kicked off the 5th NRN Global Conference by requesting our NRNs to invest more in Nepal and utilize their skills. Yes, we need more scientists and geeks to contribute kya instead of just the usual, ‘restaurant-travel-handicraft’ sahujis who have settled in them foreign lands.

If we can have the guy who may have found water on Mars to come back and do some research here then who knows, maybe we will find oil in Mustang. If we can ask the ‘TB’ research wallah to take a sabbatical in Nepal then maybe we will be able to find an effective cure for the ‘corruption virus’ plaguing our nation hola.

And our government plans to announce 2012 as ‘Nepal Investment Year’ and maybe we can ask a million NRNs to invest a chunk of their pay check here in Nepal ni. Like Help Nepal’s a dollar a month for charity, we can take it a step further and ask our NRNs to invest their month’s salary.

I think we could be able to raise a few billion dollars hagi and then we pray and hope that our trade unions, civil servants and politicians will not ask for some chiya kharcha to create a favorable investment environment.

It’s not only the NRNs, even we, the ‘Nepal mai Residing Nepalis’ do want to invest in our own country ni. But our netas and the sarkari hakims have failed to win our trust. Either our NRNs are na├»ve to even want to invest here or maybe they just want to have a party in town every two years and hobnob with our so-called ‘thulo mancheys’ and impress their Facebook friends hola ni.

And what’s up with our NRNs asking our ‘poor’ government for some funding to help them organize the global conference? This one would probably top Mr. Singh’s fasting natak as the joke of the week nai hola.

Our ‘poor’ government can’t even provide basic necessities to its citizens unless you are in some ways affiliated to the whoever is in power ni. Then, you can get free money, fuel and all the perks that come with being a chamcha, cadre or a cousin of the honorable politician kya.

Published today ...The Week/Republica

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Magic Tricks

Our comrade chairman, Prachandoo sure does know about sacrifice and stuff. He even has Elton John's 'Sacrifice' on his iPod rey kya. Anyways, Prachandoo sarkar never fails to remind us that he really did sacrifice (what?) or was it more of a 'you take the job' and I will stab you in the back ni.

Prachandoo became our first 'Republic' ko Prime-Monster and he resigned because he didn't know what he was doing. Yes, he blamed it on them Army general but I think he was just scared that things were going nowhere and his cadres would blame him for all them nataks.

If Prachandoo was really into it and wanted to wrap things up then we wouldn't have two buffoons from the UML as our Prime-Monsters ni. Makune became our official ribbon cutter and so did the 'Slapped' one. And what did they accomplish? Nothing!

Well, they got them free 'SUVs', free fuel and security and bhatta and will continue to waste our money by getting state benefits for the rest of their lives. We have had four team captains so far and none of them seem to have the courage and determination to move things forward.

Poor Baburam.... he may be an honest geek but he and his chums have made the deal with the Forum wallahs and our Madeshi leaders are on a 'ghoos-khaaney' rampage. None of our politicians seem to be interested to write the constitution.... for them, it's all about the money kya.

And Prachandoo sarkar is now going around them places and talking about 'black' magic... hehe! He tells us that nominating Dr. Saheb as our Prime Minister was like a magic act. And the comrades have been doing magic and will continue to do that rey.

So, we have been lied to ... all this tyam ki kya ho? If our comrades think all this nataks are some magic tricks then @#$!... we are not really impressed, are we?

Time is running out... we have like a month and why aren't our CA members worried kya? It's like these clowns really don't care... and hami pani tyestai.... baal matlab hagi!

Baburam dai wil be visiting India soon. Hope he will have fun with his JNU pals and of course meet them Desi netas and neti-nis. Then he will probably go to China and teach them Chinese comrades a class or two about 'Mao' hola ni... hehe!

Anyways, if Prachandoo sarkar thinks he is a magician then he should join a Desi circus troupe or something. Yes, he did trick them Desis to give him shelter and what not ... during his 'NRN' days.. hehe! He did trick them UNMIN wallahs.... and he even bragged about inflating them 'combatant' numbers to his cadres and was enjoying his own jokes.

I think Prachandoo would make a great stand up comedian. He is telling us the jokes but none of us find it funny but where are the hecklers? Well, he has promised not to shoot anyone. He didn't shoot Baburam ... that's what he said.. so don't be afraid to heckle .... and if we don't start now .... it will be too late kya!

NRN Global Conference...

The NRNs (Non-Resident Nepalis) are here and Baburam dai decided to cut them ribbon sibbon and lighted some fire to inaugurate them 5th NRN Global Conference.

Dr. Saheb requested them NRNs to invest some dough here in Nepal and use their skills they have learned in them foreign lands.

Dr. Saheb also told them NRNs that the government wants foreign investment and he would do everything possible to make sure that their investment is safe etiyaadi. I guess he forgot to tell them about the unions hehe!

The NRNs want dual citizenship kyaaruh. So far our government is just interested to give them some ID and they can buy them jagga sagga, ghar shar rey. Everything is for sale here in Nepal.. so if you want your nagarikta back then just give your jilla ko CDO a big khasi (of course better stuff it with dollars or Euros hehe!).

The NRNs will also elect their president and like every other Nepali organizations, tyeha pani politics, khutta-taaning hooncha kya. Dr. Upendra Mahato is like the face of NRNA (NRN ko association) ... he is probably the only bloke who had the brains to make deals with them Russian byaparis.

I don't think one can make bilions of Rupees just by selling them radios and TVs like Upendra dai did in them former Soviet Union... but I may be wrong, maybe he sold a million of them hola ni.

Upendra dai now has his dough in them banks, hospitals , telecom and what not... I hear he also did dole out crores to our political parties rey. He was planning to build a medical college in Nakkhu and bought like hundreds or ropanis of land kyaaruh.

I have no idea what happened but I guess he doesn't want a medical school there anymore. But if you need some loans then head to Sanima bank or Standard Finance. If you want to get a surgery then head to Medicare hospital hola. This man has investment everywhere hagi. If you use Ncell then he also gets a paisa for every call kya.

And he must have given a gift or something to the local VDC secretary because uha ko ghar janey bato ko naam nai 'Mahato Marg' ... yes, if you drive up from Nakkhu and make a right then you will get to Mahato Marg hehe!

Anyways, hope the NRN conference will be a success but it's tyam someone came up with a NRN fund and asked our brothers and sisters working in foreign lands to invest some dinar and riyals in it.

I am not talking about a bunch of restauranteurs in UK or Japan kya.. but if we can get our 2 million folks working in them Arab and ASEAN countries and another 500,000 in Amrika, Europe ruh aroo desh haroo.. to invest like 10 dollars (800 Rupees) a month then in a year's time, they will have a quarter billion dollar to invest in some real big projects ni.

And talking about skills, yes opening the restaurants and running it is pretty tough but how come we are not getting them scientists and really geeky folks to contribute kya. Well, the guy who found an alien in Mars (or was it water?) will not get a job here unless he can find oil in Mustang or something hehe.

The guy who is doing his research in TB won't be asked to come here and help because the health mantri might ask him a few lakhs if he wants a government job. Our government can't even provide basic necessities to the people here.

Murderers don't go to jail.. they do chakka jaams and protest rallies instead and walk around like they just scored the game-winning goal in the World Cup or something. So why do our NRNs think that our netas and sarkaari hakims will really help them to find good investment opportunities here in Nepal?

I think instead of asking our government for some cash to organize their global conference and wasting money on all them nataks ... baroo ask every NRNs to invest in some NRN fund , ani tyo paisa lay chahi baroo hydro sydro, bato sato , airport sairport etiyaadi banau-nuh ma kharcha garey hooncha ni.

We should all be proud of our folks who went to them foreign lands and made it there. But they also have to understand that Nepal hasn't changed a bit. We still run on Nepali tyam, our netas and civil servants only want commissions.

Our trade unions want some pocket kharcha or else they will close down your factory and we don't have paani, batti, bato ghato .... maybe Upendra Mahato should ask his 'foreign friends' to invest in a paani company, ek dui wata naya highway and 10,000 MW ko hydroproject ni.

We won't mind drinking 'Mahato' bottled water (as long as it's safe to drink!) , we will probably enjoy driving 100 miles per hour on 'Mahato Highway' and maybe can travel from Kodari to KakarBhitta in less than seven hours and if we can get 24 hrs electricty then we will even change them words in our Nepali dictionary kya.

Yes, instead of saying 'Batti Ayo' whenever we get them batti... we will say, 'Mahato Ayo' ... or something like that... hehe!