Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Miss Air-Hostess 2010

The 'New' Nepal ko pragati bhaney ko chahi 'yee beauty pageant nai ho jasto cha hug-eee!

We have all kinds of Miss this and that.... from Miss Mongol to Miss Aryan to Miss Little Talent and what not! And now, we also have 'Miss Air-Hostess' .. I have no idea what this is about!

Yo contest ko participants haroo kay sabai Air-Hostess haroo nai ho ki , student ho ki , khoi kay ho kay ho!

Anyways, congratulations to our winners and hope ... well, just found out that they were students of some 'Air-Hostess' training school rey!
I hope them Winners will get them jobs @ the domestic airlines or even better, Qatar Sataar because the pay is rocking and you get to hang out with the great 'Sheiks' from Middle East kyaruh!

It's actually a very hard job! Especially when it comes to our Domestic flights haroo! Sometimes, they have to fly back and forth .... like 5-6 times rey! Ani 30-40 mins ko flight ma u have to serve them peanuts, coke-fanta or coffee (if it's them morning thing!)....

But the most irritating thing for our lovely Air-hostess must be when them 'great newspaper reader' wants to read only Himalayan Times and She doesn't have one because them 4 copies were already taken by the front-row seats wallahs!

And of course, our domestic planes are so big that our lovely ladies can't move around without getting their behind hit by every passenger ko elbow! And I have even seen some Marwaari practicing traffic signals everytime the Air-Hostess is near his vicinity kyaaruh!

Some ladies are really great.... they love their job but sometimes when they are in a foul mood then they tend to act worse than some Super-Models haroo!

Of course, we can't always put on a happy face and smile ni.... then that's where the cold stare and 'Shut up and vanish' attitude haroo ko pradarshan hooncha .. heheh!

Anyways, Wishing all our Winners all the best and hope to see you up there (I mean plane ma ni!) and hope you will have them wonderful experiences working for them airlines!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Let's Make Up!

Then... the next day, I went to the police office and I was greeted by 10 Micro-Bus khaalaasi , probably to support their comrades and two 'Trade Union' guys and the Gaadi-Sahujis!

The driver's wife showed up as well, with her 2 year old Son! And then my another 'enlightenment' process began!

In Nepal, the traffic cops don't do the investigation. It goes to the Nepal Police and the Police doesn't care unless it's some fight between two businessmen and millions of Rupees ko stake! hehehe!

Now the only option was to find a solution! What kind of solution? I really wanted to the driver to be prosecuted for trying to run me over! Then I looked at his wife and kid and that's where this 'human' thing comes to play kyaruh!

I looked at the Gaadi Shauji... a 70 year old grandpa! Then I looked at the Trade Union Officials, two college-kids from Terai! And the police .. where were they? They were busy doing nothing!

The 'Trade Union' guys begged me to free their comrade. The Sahuji begged me to free his 'vehicle' and the wife .. she began to cry!

It took me four hours to decide.. after all, it was up to me. I had two options : A) file a 'Jyan-maara' mudda against the driver B)Let him go and ask the Sahuji to pay my medical bill : not much, just a CT scan, Chest-Xray and TT shot!

First of all, I was grateful to Allah, for I just had a small head injury, chest abrasion and few bruises! My laptop, camera , other stuff all OK! And then I remembered mero bau ko upadesh 'Son, when it comes to looga sooga jutta sutta, buy the best stuff... will be stronger and last longer'

My bag suffered few bruises but was strong enough to protect my laptop,. My jacket had a hole, and so did my sweatshirt but prevented my ribs from breaking... my shoes ma seerif ek-dui hole but it was wearable!

I asked the Police to release them. The Sahuji paid my medical bills even though one 'smart' cop wanted me to claim for everything from laptop to my 'future wife' ko mangalsutra.... I didn't!

But then I asked the 'Trade Union' guys to stay back! I made a deal with them... I want the driver's license to be suspended for six months. I want the 'Union' to start some 'Be polite and Courteous' program. I want them to train these folks from 'Jungalis' to 'decent human beings'..

They agreed..... I have given them a week for them to send the license to the Baggi-Khaana for suspension. I have offered to help the 'comrades' to give 'how to be a decent person' training... let's see how it goes!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

The Bus Driver Wins...

After 900+ days of being the 'undefeated so-called champion', I have finally lost my battle with them 'Micro-Bus Driver-Wallahs' .... and I finally got KO'ed!

We all have had our share of fights with them Micro-Bus Wallahs! Some verbal hola, some fist-fights, some this and that!

The Micro-bus ko seats are designed by either a super-model with size zero or some guy influenced by Khagendra Thapa ko wt/ht hola!

Them conductors tells 4 of us to seat in them 3 janaa ko seat! And the squeezing and tweezing goes on! And the way the driver plays with them brake pedal is probably more enlightening than hearing some guy playing some 'Mozart' sheet hola!

The way our Khalaasi bhais brush against our naaris ... and their defense is 'Yesto pack cha ani kay garney tuh' is enough for us Kathmanduites to shut up hola!

But I thought I was doing some social service when I complained... 'Why the @#$ are you dragging this old lady out of the vehicle when she refuses to pay you a Rupee more?" , "Saaley tero haat tyesaari kina tyo bahini ko dhaad ma raakhey-ko?" 'Bhai, agaadi bacccha cha , brake srake ali bistaarai lau nuh?"

And today, Insallah... the My-Crows finally won ... I, the 'Bahula' from Lalitpur was dragged 25 feet by the Micro-Bus and I was clinging to the micro-ko door... and then the door just fell off and so did this 'Bahula' ... ani when them Micro-wallahs came to pick up the door, not me... I was given some energy by the Son of God or have to thank my strong ancestors ... and I just grabbed both of them before the police showed up!

For a second, I thought I was a stunt man in some Bollywood movie. I could see the tyre nearly castrating my stuff and if I had not shown my Jackie-Chan skills today, I would then have probably been the lead actor for Guzaarish II hola!

I understand... them driving job is stressful but to be pissed off at a passenger and then driving off before he or she is out of the vehicle is... I don't know but that's @#$ed up! For 1.4 sec I thought this was it.. this guy is going to run me over ... now I have to grow a beard and find a hot nurse like in that Bansaali ko movie!

The Micro-wallahs are now in Jail. I am in the hospital , doing some test sest, CT scan wan, xray... I am lucky to be alive.. only minor head injury, chest ma abrasion, my jacket , sweat shirt ma hole sole, my bag is okay, little bruising and laptop, camera are both doing fine ... hahah object haroo sanguh dherai attachment bhayo bhaney afnai daju bhai jasto laagcha kyaruh!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

A billion for them Dress(es)!

Our so-called government is planning to spend 1.33 billion Rupees for our civil servants rey! I didn't know there was a dress code for our sarkari karmachaaris. According to them news report, them civil servants will receive like Rs 7,500 each for their dress allowance and stuff rey!

Nepal is probably the only country in this world, where government employees make more money than the private-sector wallahs! Well, when it comes to the private sector, the only people making the moolah are them Bank ko CEOs haroo!

The CEO-to-worker pay ko ratio is like 100-to-1 hola! And the Nepal Rastra Bank (NRB) people want to regulate CEO ko pay rey but all them CEOs are like ... 'WTF' ... hehe!

Our civil servants don't need any more allowances. Them low-level sarkari workers receive like 7,000+ (including allowances and what not!) whereas our private sector ko low-level employee survive on 3,000+ ko salary!

And the Maoists are only interested to have trade unions in them casinos and big factories because that's where them owners will pay them millions! What about them 'media' houses? Well, the current VJs make like 5,000+, a reporter for one of our dailies make like Rs 4,000+ .... really?

I have no idea why the Maoists are not fighting for better pay for our journalists and them media people? Well, nowadays we don't have any idea what the Maoists are fighting for....? Maybe we do, they just want to lead the government so that they can once again have fun with nation's coffer!

A year ago, there was them 'Police scandal' where 57,000 jackets for our men in blue were ordered from a firm, with the highest bid price. Our top brass @ them Nepal Police made millions and so did the Marwaari sahuji while our men in blue will once again be shivering this winter.. maybe that's why they are always drunk when they are on night duty!

Lau tuh... hope our civil servants will do their job better if they get the allowance for dresses.... wishful thinking perhaps but ... I think we should all order them fake Gucci and Versace stuff from China ni.. maybe brand srand lay kehi influence garcha ki... heheh!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Save the Tiger... please!

Mr. 'Titanic' has donated $1 million rey to save them Tigers... and our care-taker Prime-Monster is back from Russia after attending them 'Tiger Summit'....

Makune is having all the fun, hoinuh ruh? Sushil Koirala is still scratching his taalu... 'why the hell did I get out from that hospital?" , Prachanda-Naath is probably suffering from laryngitis ... trying to defend, append and God-Knows 'what-end' to either bring his two Vice-Chairmen along or kick them out!

But our Makune is partying with Putin and living the good life... like a G6!

The traffic jam is @#$%ing irritating when the PM or them 'great' leaders fly in and out of the country! Why the @#$! should our so-called ministers and them biggie-wiggies always have to stand in line to greet them 'PM' whenever he gets back from them foreign trip?

While the whole world is bringing out 'austerity' plans... our leaders are wasting our taxpayers' money like crazy!

We are one of the poorest countries in the world... nothing to be ashamed of... but why do our leaders act like ... we are them "Chinese' making billions from the West... C'mon guys... you have made us 'beggars' but you still act like you are them half-brothers of the Sultan of Brunei!

Our leaders should be riding around town in bicycles... well, electric-scooter is fine too.. not some gas-guzzling SUVs and what not!

The job of the tourism Minister is to bring in more tourists, the job of the defense minsiter is to defend the country from Aliens... (coz we can't fight the Desis and the Dumpling Gang..can we?) and not to greet and meet the PM as if he just arrived from a boarding school in England!

When will we learn? When will we have really great leaders ... who will say 'Enough is Enough'... when will we have MPs who won't take a dime and being a politician will not be another 'rags to riches' story but ... true public service and when will our public servants actually serve the public instead of the other way round?

Unless, we the silent majority finally wakes up and kick them arses... nothing will change! But of course our so-called 'civic-leaders' .. either belong to them political parties or are just in it for the moolah and free trips to them 'foreign' conferences!

Let's get back to the "Adopt a Tiger' story... heheh.. I think the best way to save the 'Nepali Tigers' is not waiting for Putin and his Russians or Leo Hero to donate more millions... we should all adopt a tiger... abuh kasari?

I have no clue.. .but instead of dogs and cats (I love them too)..,. All Kathmanduites should adopt a tiger ,... chor pani vaag-chaa ani neta haroo lai pani tension ni.. vote maagnuh audaa ultai Tiger ko Bhoak po hooni ho ki!

Lau tuh.. Have a great weekend... and God Bless us all and them tigers and hope Leo continues to come back to Nepal and all them WWF ladies will suffer from hysteria.. as they always do when them Hollywood celebrities come to town for their 'secret-social-service' visit as them WWF Ambassadors ..rey!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Even the Maoists get .....sick!

"It is wrong to argue that we should develop positive views about India. India is responsible for the current plight of the nation." - Puspha Kama Dahal

Even the Maoists get... sick kyaruh! The news from the 'Maoist Jamboree' : 500+ Maoists are now suffering from jhaada-pakhaalaaa rey! Hehehe... sorry, shouldn't be laughing when our folks are dying of them 'Diarrhea' (from the Greek, διὰρροια meaning "flowing through"), in them remote regions!

But this is the 'Maoist Jamboree'... everything was planned... 5,000 volunteers built a small 'hut' city in the middle of nowhere and they forgot to have 'safe drinking water' kyaruh!

I think the common 'Maoists' were given khola ko paani whereas them 'great leaders' had 'filtered water' hola! By the time this 'Maoist head-banging' festival is over... we expect more than 2,000 CumRaids to fall sick rey!

Why? The food is bad, baasi bhaat ruh daal and the whole place is stinking.... and their 'Mao plan' for disposal of waste chahi... to bury all them stinky food and stuff .. underground rey!

When you are hiding in the jungle, you can survive for weeks.. .with just a packet of Wai-Wai and maybe Sisnoo-ko-soup but once you are 'mainstream' or in 'street lingo' chahi.. once you are a 'sell-out' ... then your immune system goes hay-wire hola ni!

I hope some 'capitalist' is making tons of money by selling them 'digene' tablets or Jeevan-Jal-type of powder-stuff!
I hear .. they are selling like 60,000 Rupees worth of SIM cards every day! But the only unlucky folks are the local tavern-owners!

Well, them local bhattis were shut down by the YCL rey!
WTF... we all know that Prachanda can't go to bed without downing them 3-4 pegs of 'Black Label' stuff... I guess the UNMIN folks visiting the 'Mao Festival' did bring some 'duty-free' whisky haroo ... for our 'great' Chairman!

And some 'krantikaari' donated like Rs 100,000 worth of oranges to them comrades rey and also gave everything in his farm pani... but please .. next time they might come for his farm, chickens and everything as well!

Prachanda blames India for the current deadlock! Mohan Baidya blames India for everything! BabuRam blames the local-samaantis for everything! And we blame... our stupid politicians for everything! It's always fun to play the 'blame game' ... but I hope our politicians will someday learn to blame themselves and take responsibility for their naataks!

It's about time, we remind our politicians that country and the people come first and not their stupid political parties and their opportunist chamchaas!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

RIP Gopal Bhutani ....

Gopal Bhutani is dead at the age of 78! He was undergoing treatment for stomach cancer @ Jana Maitri Hospital... Bhutani passed away on Tuesday without a Nepali citizenship even though he was born in Ilam!

Bhutani is our #1 fight-master of Kollywood. The man learned his tricks and tips from a guy from Bhutan while he was struggling in Bollywood. Gopal Tamang became Gopal 'Bhutani'. He came back to Nepal and became the first action director in 1975 with the film 'Jibhan Rekha'.

Our so-called leaders got together few years ago and decided to grant citizenship to 'millions' of Desis across the border! But our beloved Bhutani died without being granted his 'final' wish because he couldn't provide necessary documents rey!

In this day and age, four people can shut down a highway because a chicken couldn't cross the road but our 'Film Development Board' and our artistes couldn't do anything to help Bhutani!

I guess them artistes joining the Maoists and dacing with Prachanda is nothing but another PR stunt! If these artistes were really inspired by Bhutani then they should have closed the Kathmandu ko District Administration Office and kicked the CDO's arse!

This is Nepal. Old or New.. we will always respect the dead, we will cry for them, maybe shed few tears and that's about it! Look at Narayan Gopal. When he was alive, he was just a drunk who sang well. When he died, he became 'Swor Samrat'... aka 'Voice Emperor' or I have no idea what would be the most accurate Angrezi translation for that!

When King Birendra died, thousands of Nepalis shaved their heads and cried and what not! I still remember them 90s when the same thousands were chanting 'Birey Chor, Desh Chod'... Nepali Janta?

Bhutani is no more. But his legacy will live on ... Nepali films ko action -saction sequence have vastly improved! Rajendra Khadgi, the current 'action master' of Kollywood was probably the only person who took care of Bhutani. We should be grateful to Khadgi... but our FDB people should be kicked in the arse for not doing enough for Bhutani!

There will probably be an 'Annual Gopal Bhutani Award' for best fight-master, for best 'fight sequence' and what not .... but why can't our artistes enjoy life while they are alive.. why can't they be respected when they are still breathing and kicking and running?.... Yestai ho!

Our politicians get free medical benefits, they travel to Singapore and Bangkok and God knows where... while our artistes get nothing for their contribution in the field of Arts and what not!

Most of us may not enjoy Nepali Movies... I don't .. well, not the recent 'Bollywood ko 80s ko copy-cats!' but them 70s and 80s were the golden years of Kollywood. Few movies were made but they were pure 'Nepali-pan' ... watch Jeevan Rekha, Kanchi, Saino, Kusume Rumal, Chino and them movies... just rock!

Lau tuh... RIP Gopal Dai... May you teach our Gods few action-saction techniques up there. Let us all drink for Bhutani! At least the heaven above won't ask for necessary papers to prove that he is a citizen of this world!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The 'Son'-in-law.....

Gyanu Uncle is busy attending marriages and what not ... in India! Paras Dai is busy attending 'holy' festivals around town. Himani vow-joo is helping them villagers in Dolakha rey and what about the 'son-in'law' ?

Today, we will be talking about the 'other' guy in the House of Shah!

Last Saturday, I went to this 'Blues Slues' Festival @ 1905... our 'Son-in-Law' has been in the news recently, for spending a night in jail for breaking the 'no party after midnight' rule enforced by the (Go)Home Ministry and the Nepal Po-Lice!

Before that, he was in the news for shaking hands with the Maoists and taking over Casino Royale kyaruh! Ani jhan tyo bhanda pani pahila tuh, during Uncle Gyanu's tyam... he was given 'free gift' by the then Maharaaja to open a telecom ... and then he sold it to another Russian-gangster Mr. UP kyaruh, making millions of dollars from the buy-out!

Abuh tyehi paisa kharcha gar-naw laageko cha jasto cha hai hamro Jwai-saheb lay!

I have nothing against the "House of Shah" ... People say 'Paras' is a Uday Hussein.... I have met him only twice and he was always a 'cool' guy! Shit happens ... we all drive drunk, well not all of us run over somebody but sometimes, some of us do that as well!

Prakash Dahal, the current 'Crown Prince' is having all the fun? How come nobody talks about him. Because we are all afraid ni... you can talk shit about them Ex-Royals and the international community will give you a 'Nobel Prize' someday.

Talk shit about Prachandu and his Co. and you will probably be shot in the head and the whole world will be like .... Damn, they so violent..... and then it's back to UNMIN giving a pat on the Maoists ko dhaad maa!

Well, we are not here to talk about Paras dai or Prakash dai.... today it's about this arse-hole. Jay bhaye pani... Gyanu Uncle should keep an eye on him!

I don't care how much $$$ u have but if you are a married man then please take care of your wife and kids! Well, they have millions but love them and treat them well ni!

Why the @#$! is our Jwai-Saheb hanging out with 'Dance-Bar' girls .... with due respect to all the beautiful dance-bar girls but our Jwa-Saheb likes to hang out with them fugly go-go girls and he likes to flaunt it kyaruh!

Man, if you are so 'I am the man' ... 'look at me and my hoes' then .... at least hang out with the 'hottest' pole-dancer in town ni... hare-nay lai bhanda pani dekh-nay lai laaz!

With all that money in your pocket, you can get Priyanka Chopra or them Brazilian Super-Maadals ni... No, I am not saying Priyanka is for sale but you could impress her ni. Bollywood starlets love either them cricket-hers or NRI-Tycoons type!

And you can call yourself NRI as well because hamro Shah-Rana have long-tyam relationship with them Indians kyaaruh!

With due respect to all the 'aristocratic' families and the 'Chetrri Samaaj' but somebody please kick this guy in the balls and maybe Paras Dai can break his legs or something so that we won't be tortured to see this arse , drinking single-malt whisky and two fugly dancers with him!

Money can't buy class bhanchan kyaruh... so I guess that's what it is... Jwai-Saheb,. with all that money, please go to Bollywood, make a movie or two, dance with Katrina Kaif...at least we would be proud to see how you are spending your ill-gotten wealth on Zoom TV or something!

Lau tuh... Sabai Janaa miloom ani Jwai Saheb lai samaatey-ruh Paras Dai lai jimma dinoo paryo... And what about Prakash Dahal?

Hahaha... no comment.. He is the man. And he and Jwai-Saheb is planning on a 'slot machines' venture in Hotel Vaishali kyaruh... All's good .. man! Let him enjoy his moment... Let him make billions and enjoy life. Hope he hangs out with Naomi Campbell ... after all Campbell likes them 'Blood Diamonds'... and Prachandey ko billions pani 'Blood Money' nai tuh ho ni!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Budget 2010-11 .....

"The government presented a budget of Rs 337.90 billion (US$ 4.8 billion) for the fiscal year 2010-11 through ordinance on Saturday giving utmost importance to infrastructure sector."

What does that mean? It means... all our road-soad contractors and their goondas will be fighting with each other to bag them tenders for road, bridge, tunnel-sunnel construction and what not!

And then whoever bags the contract will have to pay off the other guys' goondas, YCLs , Youth Force and local baasi-z! Heheh.. ani kay ramro baato ghaato banau-cha ruh mora haru lay!

Them so-called civilized nations had 'agricultural revolution' then the 'industrial revolution' and then the 'informational revolution' rey... and so far, we have not even had them 'agricultural revolution' yet but our leaders continue to talk about 'I have no idea what-type of' revolution!

As always, the people are @#$!ed in the arse by our 'stupid' government. If only public transportation were better then a lot of us wouldn't have to buy them motorcycles, scooties or cars and stuff!

Every year , the government raises them taxes on vehicles... but where does them taxes go? Kathmandu ko baato are @#$!ed, we see vehicles more than 40+ yrs and them 'black smoke' in your face naataks!

Small-businesses are also not important to our government. They think only cement factories, beer factories and sugar factories are the businesses rey! The so-called budget now provides baato-ghaato, electricity and a police post to all them 'Marwaari' businesses employing more than 500+ folks!

With due respect to all the 'Marwaaris' in Nepal ... but all them big factories are 98% owned by the Agarwals! We should all learn from them... on how to do business in Nepal!

They own the banks, insurance companies and many manufacturing industries.. they own everything! And the secret formula to their success is ... 'never pick a fight with the sarkaari haakims'... pay them off, pay the YCLs, pay the local goondas as long as there is a profit.

That is the difference between a 'non-Marwaari' and a Agarwaal! But them business people asked for a mobile police unit so that the Madeshi Virus Killers will be wiped out but our government gives them five policemen with 4 laaathis and probably 1 second-world-war ko rifle!

The small-business once again suffers. Majority of them will have to register with the VAT office rey! Last year, the municipalities went on a 'tax them' binge and taxed all sign boards of them local coffee shops and cold-stores and what not! But they left the ones with a Pepsi or Coke signs alone!

Pepsi and Coke pay an annual tax rey ... according to them tax officials!

I think all small businesses should be given some kind of a tax-break! A flat-rate for all the profits they might make instead of taxing them left and right. Instead of 20 business houses employing 10,000 employees, it's better for all of us if we have 10,000 small business employing 50,000 employees.

I have no idea what I am saying... I am not an economist .. .I am just a googlist with a degree in Guffadi-nomics kyaruh!

Jai Hos... the Maoists may have given us some 'circus' acts but in the end, they will be happily sharing the loot with all other parties. All them development budget will go to them political parties ko dhukuti maa!

I think Prachandu should first start his 'agricultural' revolution (because he went to Rampur Agricultural Campus) before he starts his 'Prachanda-Paaath' .... Every year, we are losing our industries due to bandhs, extortion and what not... sometimes I feel the Maoists are not anti-Indians... they are actually helping the Desis sell more goods to Nepal and make the Desis richer!

Our leaders run to Delhi for help. They like giving blow-jobs to them Indian politicians but then they come back and blame India for all them problems! If you are somebody's bitch then don't act like you run the show... hoinuh ruh?

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Heroes and Zeroes!

"I never thought that I would get this international recognition when I started Maiti Nepal. I just carried on with my work... Looking back at the struggle during those formative years, I can now say anything can be achieved with perseverance and hard work..."

Congratulations to Anuradha Auntie for winning the 'CNN Hero of the Year' award! It's been almost 18 years since she started Maiti Nepal. She is doing a great job!

While our leaders talk BS , this lady is actually doing something to save them girls from the villages, who are sold to them Indian Brothels by our own 'chor' daju bhais haroo!

Our government has so far done nothing to stop this problem! I really don't think we need them ministries and government agencies at all. How about funding them NGOs instead? It will save us a lot of taxpayers' money and will actually work rather than making our sarkaari hakims richer and helping their kids to live a life of some 'Sultan in Brunei!'...

While, our ladies are doing so much ... our ladas.. meant ... the men are busy fighting each other for that 'silly' PM ko chair kyaruh!

What can we learn from Anuradha Koirala?

Perseverance and hard work = anything is possible! Now, that is the magic formula ni!

And the award for the 'Zero of the Year' should go to Prachandu Uncle! This man could have been our Lee Kwan Yee but then he decided to be our 'Kimmy' Dai from North Korea! Hya Dai pani... kay hawa taal ma bahulai raheko bhanya?

And now as the Maoists 'Rock-Fest' goes on, Prachandu is trying very hard to kick BabuRam out.. and he needs Baidya's help because our 'Rambo' Dai is very popular with the hard-core Mao-Cummies rey!

Prachandey wants to bring a 'Cultural Revolution' in Nepal... while he becomes the Emperor and his Son .. the next 'YuvaRaaj'... he wants his 'Red Guards' to kick all them 'Geeks' haroo ko arse. He will always hate BRB like Mao hated them 'Russia-ma-paw-dey-ko' Chinese Communists haroo!

This is the battle between the 'Paw-dawn-tey' and the 'Buffalo-milk-drinkers'... this is a war between JNU grads and Rampur Agricultural Campus grads! And Prachandey fears that if BRB gets to head the government, he will be side-lined kyaruh!

This is where the Communists always screw up. They always talk about the people but in the end, they end up becoming the 'Kings' while all of us suffer! The funny thing about them Communists ... hehehe... they are more like them 'Italian Mobsters' from New York City.. everyone is looking for ways to kill the other bastards so that he can be the 'Godfather'...

Let's not talk about these Maoists today because we really want to honor our Anuradha Auntie.. . hope our government secures our borders, hope our YCL cadres help Maiti Nepal by guarding our borders and stopping them 'chors' from selling our sisters! Hope we will all do something about this!

What am I saying? Our 'Armed Police Force' ko job is to guard them Embassies and INGOs and our ministers kyaruh. The Nepal Police is the '#1 chor in Nepal' and the YCL.... hahaha.. they would rather make millions by them baaluwa-gitti stuff ... but at least we have Maiti Nepal... thank God!

Please support Maiti Nepal. You can volunteer or contribute financially or just hang out @ them borders and kick some arse!

Let's get ready to .... grumble!

The Maoist Jamboree has begun... so let's get ready to rumble.. I mean.. Grumble!

The Maoists have shown us that it's not only them Chinese, who can build stuff in less than two weeks! Our great revolutionary comrades have built huts, towers, baato ghaato, drinking water in middle of nowhere!

See... isn't lovely? After all... it's all about the money ni... paisa bhaye pachi... Prachandey lay Mt. Everest ma pani arko 'Sammey-lawn' gar-din-cha ni!

And we hear a record 100 million was raised through voluntary contribution from all them supporters aka 'Nepal ko business-wallah haroo'! The total cost for the get-together is around 30 million, feri arko 70 million Rupees tuh faida nai faida.. wa rey wa... Communists haroo lay sikaun-cha hai.. capitalism baarey maa tuh!

Our great leader, Prachula (Dracula ko far cousin!) says, 'haat haalney in parliament sarliament is common all around the world rey...' kay ho Prachu Uncle lay sansar bhari ko parliament ghoomay ruh ayeko jast cha ni!

And we hope BabuRam 'Chotte Nawab' and Mohan 'Rambo' will not be torn to pieces like the Finance Minister ko papers hehehe!

Well, it's the tyam to grumble for them... Both BRB and Rambo Dai are not happy with Dracula's 'me only sucking blood,okay' naatak and they are worried that Prachanda wants to be another Kimmy Dai like in North Korea!

I hope Prakash Dahal is practicing 'how to be the Crown Prince' nataks... I hear he is very good at playing 'beer-pong' and is a big fan of Hugh Hefner ko magazine rey! So... hope by the tyam, we become North Korea then our Crown Prince will have accumulated enough points to be called a 'Playboy' ...

Anyways, hope BRB and Baidya can 'have their say' and not get castrated for it... Hope Prachanda gets to eat both Dosa and Dumplings and still be the Chairman of the #1 business house in Nepal... Mao Inc.!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Street-Fighter(s).....

Wow... finally we get to see some real fight-sight in our CA Hall Kyaruh! The Finance Minister and his brief-case was molested (heheh!) and them documents ...torn to pieces rey.. hahaha!

Our CA members should learn from the politicians from Taiwan... they know how to do this stuff... it's like an all-out brawl tyeta tiraa.. .tuh!

Three stooges from the Mao Inc., decided to grab the Minister, one of them punched him in his dhaad rey ani the other guy just took his briefcase and started ripping them budget bhaa-sun papers rey!

The Energy Minister , who apparently forgot to drink his 'energy drink' also got some koo-taai rey...hahaha!

Way to go... abuh yehi hare-nuh tuh baaki thiyo ni! The Maoists are a funny lot! They will agree to anything but when it comes to that 'implementation' stage then they just go berserk and act like gorillas.. sorry .... meant guerrillas!

C'mon... guys! We are not in the jungle anymore! You are now a part of our so-called mainstream politics naatak... start acting like them Congressis and UML chors! But we have to give it to our politicians.... they agree to share the loot together but they just have to act like they are strangling each other ni... nice PR stunt!

I think this was just another 'circus' act by the Maoists because their so-called 'Jamboree' begins on Sunday and they had to show their cadres that they still are the 'goondas' ni!

Bichara Finance Minister ko shirt pani chya-tiyo rey! Don't worry, he can afford a million shirts after the budget gets passed ni! Commission nai Commission tuh pau-cha hola ni bajiya lay!

Our so-called experts say 'The Maoists just want total chaos and then they want to give this 'revolution' thing a final closure by capturing the state'... hahaha ... kay nai capture gar-naw baaki cha ruh yaar. Sabai tuh Maobaadi lay khai-nai sakiyo!

Next time, we the 'silent majority' expect more WWF like action sequence kya... how about some pile-drivers ki chahi some 'UnderTaker' ko moves... the only people I know from WWF are from the 90s... so ahiley ko 21st century ko star haroo chahi malaai thaha bhayenuh hai!

How about Ramu Dai giving a nice amilo-paachuk too Prachandu dai. BabuRam gives a baag-panja (Tiger Slap) to Bhim Rawal or maybe Mohan Baidya giving a flank-kick to some Congressi.. hahaha

BTW, Amilo-Paachuk is when you do a Namastey.. the cross all your fingers except them 'chor' fingers and keep it in 90 degree ko angle and then violently insert it to attack your opponents' ko prostate glands' hahahaha!

Ani then we can extend this CA thing forever so that we can ask HBO to do some Pay-per-View kinda stuff ni... ani worldwide audience batuh $14.95 ... I think we can pay off our foreign debt and everything else by them 'daily live telecast' from BICC Hall!

And the final match chahi .... a 'cage-match' between them 3 big idiots.. .Whoever wins takes the 'Championship Belt' aka 'PM' ko koorchi....lau Jai Hos!

Happy Fighting ... hope we get to see more action... somebody call UFC and ask them to train our politicians.. we want some blood! Hamro Janta ko blood tuh choo-see-halyo mora haroo lay abuh uni haroo pani hay-room nuh!

Friday, November 19, 2010

The 'Sports' Minister!

Our ministers are really .... bunch of clowns! We have a 'Science and Technology' minister who was home-schooled in astrology and yoga rey! We have a 'Foreign' minister who is actually a foreigner herself... (Well, she married a German and has a German Citizenship but who cares?).. we have a 'Forest' Minister, a former Panchey who has made millions, selling them timber-simber rey!

And today, let's talk about our 'Sports' Minister. His Excellency, Mr. Ganesh Tiwari Nepali (GTN)...

During them SAF Games in Bangladesh, GTN couldn't get inside his hotel room for a day ... because he just didn't know how to use them 'card' to open his hotel door rey.. hahahaha!

Then.. the minister went to China for the Asian Games.. poor guy.. He can't speak a word of English, he speaks in broken Nepali... with due respect to all them Madeshis.. but this is what happens when crooks become politicians and all they know is how to divide them ministries and budget and what not!

And then we have Mr. Rukma SJB Rana... the Congressi Chor... and Nepali Ambassador to India. When the Congressis came to power in the 90s, Rukma was given the Sports thing @ Nepal Sports Council kyaruh...then he went on to become the President of 'Nepal Olympic Committee' (NOC).... He and his chamchas made millions of dollars (not rupees) from all them grant srant, aid said from them sports bodies from all around the world.

Then few years ago, he lost his crown to Mr. Dhruba B. Pradhan, the former IGP of Nepal Police! Mr. Pradhan was really good at them football sootball, table tennis wennis rey. Well, that's nice.. at least we have somebody who knows something about sports heading the Olympic Committee fair and square... but then Rukma filed his case @ them Supreme Court.

And our Supreme Court is another big joke. Bunch of alcoholics and 'marriage' players pretending to be the 'Justices' kyaruh! The SC decided to rule in favor of Rukma and his chamchas but then the International Olympic Committee (IOC) said ... 'WTF, we accept Pradhan and his NOC and not Rukma and his chors' because we were there to monitor them elections and we think it was democratic enough or something like that."

Abuh hamro Supreme Court nai joker bhayo , hoinuh tuh.. hahah Poor Justices... recently they ordered the police to arrest some "Maoist" for murder and put him in prison for life and confiscate his properties and what not.

But the funny thing is that the guy 'is' a CA member and the Maoists said '#$@! you' and then the case was buried somewhere behind the Supreme Court ko backyard..hahaha ... Nepal.. This is the 'New Nepal'..

Rukma has now resorted to hiring local thugs to taala-maaring the NOC office here in Kathmandu. This is how things get done in Nepal. Hire some local thugs, pay them some 'drinking' money and they will participate in a circus act!

Good luck Mr. Tiwari Nepali... Hope you will enjoy your stint as the 'Sports Minister'... could you please practice some ping pong skills as well! Rukma, go back to India and eat some Roti Soti yaar... why the @#$! were you in China, trying to create a scene? Hamro desh ko kinuh tyesto bay-jut garchau ho .. Rana Saheb!

And hope we will win some medals in 3000 A.D. .... we still have 990 years to figure out the 'magic' formula ni .. I think we can do it!

And finally... our tender-sender wallahs will be happy since the 'budget' is finally approved after four months of nautanki.. no new programs rey... so that means we are back to 2009 hola ni... So come this New Year, we party like it's 2010... aroo sbai desh chahi 2011 bhanchan.. hami chahi ek barsa pahila ko bhanda pani khattam situation ma chau ahiley tuh! Jai Hos!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Holy Cow(s)....

The (stupid) Nepal Government is planning to import 50,000 cows ... gift of His Holiness Guru Ram Dev Baba rey! But India has this 'ban' on export of them cows due to milk shortages rey! So, the Government is planning to put a special request to the Desi Bhais!

Our leaders are very good at begging ... and in the eyes of them international community, "We are now beggars".. and nothing more!

The Chinese have given us them 108 vehicles to clean them KTM streets and so far... tyo gaadi haroo haven't been used... The Indians gave us them Buses for our CA members and it's in the parking lot because our leaders don't want to use them rey. Then why the @#$% did we take it, if we weren't going to use them in the first place ... hoinuh ruh?

Prince William is getting married rey! Hope Willy Wonka and Katey will visit Nepal in 2011! They can climb Mt. Everest together... tyesto po ho tuh Honeymoon bhaw-nay-ko!

So far, we haven't won any of them medals @ the Asian Games. SAARC games ma tuh medal jit-nuh gaaro abuh Asian Games ma tuh jhan jitey ko jitai ho!

Our Big 3 idiots still can't agree on anything! The Maoists are inviting their 'Commander's to them Big Jamboree in Gorkha and other political parties are not happy! And I have no idea why we are paying 19,000 PLA soldiers .. to do nothing!

They should all be in the border and maybe help Mohan Baidya fight the so-called '#1 Enemy'.. Budget pass hoonay bhayo rey... and as usual all them development budget will be distributed among them political parties while them villagers will get nothing!

Visit Nepal 2011 is kicking soon and our National Airlines has only one working Jet and tyo pani too much cancellation that more than 11,000 folks have been shifted to other airlines. Good job guys!

Load-Shedding hours now increased to 4-5 hrs a day! Hopefully, it will be back (or front ) to 18 hours a day as expected! We are doing this to save our dear old Earth, kyaruh! And to encourage couples to have romantic candle-light dinners!... and you what happens after that..... !

Winter is finally here.... now is the tyam for our government officials to stay out of the office, do some sun-bathing, eat soonta-laas and peanuts! Yesai tuh kaam hoodai-nuh jhan winter ma tuh no kaam... see-reef daam nai daam! Jai hos!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Casino Royale......

Nepal Police is trying to catch them 'Casino Operators' ... rey because according to our laws, Nepali citizens are not allowed inside them casinos!

Our government officials think we are just a bunch of clowns. We all know who owns them Casinos. Mr. Rakesh Wadhwa controls the 'Casino market' , majority of them Casinos in them 5-star hotels are run by Mr. Wadhwa's company. And then we have Casino Royale... the new owners are Maoists and Hamro Uncle Gyanu ko jwai-saheb!

And according to our sources, Hotel Vaishali ma chahi Jwai-Saheb and Prakash Sarkar (Prachandey ko chora) are planning to install them slot machines rey!

The man who started them 'Casino' thing in Nepal was Mr. R.D. Tuttle! We have heard many stories about this guy. He is part of them New York Mob rey, CIA Agent and what not... but Tuttle lost ownership after Rakesh Wadhwa and the Maoists did some nautankis!

Rakesh was just a manager for Tuttle but I guess.. he has done some pragati working for Tuttle. It's like the foot soldier has now become the Godfather or something like that!

Rakesh's wife runs them media house publishing them 'Vow' and 'Boss' Magazine. I think she is doing a good job. And Rakesh also has this new book out in the market rey...so please go out and buy the book 'The Deal Maker'... dherai nai deal seal garey ruh experience bhaye pachi lekhey jasto cha Rakeshey ley yo kitaab heheh!

Anyways, the real story is .. .them Casino operators haven't paid them Royalties rey. It's been 44 years since the fist Casino opened in Nepal. And the responsible government agency have never carried out any visits or investigations so far. Hahaha... Joon Jogi aye pani kaan nai chireko!

It didn't matter to Tuttle or Wadhwa if the government was run by them Pancheys or Kangaroos or the Maoists... they always knew how to seal the deal. Instead of paying them royalties to the government, they just doled out gifts and protection $$$ to the political parties.

Nepal Police tells us that due to Nepalis hanging around in Casinos, we are seeing more murders and extortion and abductions and what not. We have also heard stories about folks losing everything.

We had a rule : 'No Nepalis allowed' but I guess in Nepal, nobody follows them rules. The Police do carry out raids now and then but they are also paid to shut up and look away. And sometimes, if we do have some 'Amitabh' Police Officer who wants to rock the boat then he gets transferred to Rolpa!

A year ago, the Maoists (Yes, all them Casino employees are like in them Mao-trade unions) fought with the Police when they wanted to enter the Casino Anna premises! Dhoonga haana-haan!

We all know that these Casinos won't survive without Nepali citizens. Singapore recently opened Casinos and they have their own set of rules. Singaporeans need to pay some kind of an entry fee kyaruh!

The only option we now have is to close down them Casinos! I think that's the way to go! Yes, I have been to them Casinos. Majority of the people who hang out there are either Jagga-Dalaals, pimps, loan sharks or some tender-sender-wallah goondas! And I have seen very few so-called tourists. Kuirey tuh ek dui jana ho, ani 5-6 jana Desi babu haroo..

Yes, close down the shop! But of course, since the Maoists make millions of Rupees .. .they are not going to let it happen! If Nepal Police and the Home Ministry strictly enforces the 'No Nepali Rule'... the Casinos will close down by itself.... what about them employees... uni haroo pani manchey nai ho!

Well, the Casino employees can all move to Macau, Singapore and apply for jobs there and make more money ni but they will first have to learn 'customer service' because since they are now all Maoists ... they act like they can just scare them managers and curse the guests as if they own them Casinos!

And if they do get jobs in Singapore... they can't do any strikes and bandhas @ them Casinos or the Singaporeans will cane their arses.. hehehe !

Rakesh Wadhwa is in hiding. He didn't even appear for his so-called book launch kyaruh.. but Rakhesh Bhai don't worry.... you got kicked out of Sri Lanka due to some hanky panky, you kicked out Tuttle, your so-called mentor... .but you won't get kicked out from Nepal because we are very friendly people!

Our political leaders and their chamchas will protect you as long as you pay them off... Hope all them 500 million Rupees ko Royalty naw-tee-ray ko paisa abuh kaam aucha hola!

Lau..... Rakesh bro... you have made it big.. from a simple accountant to the 'Boss'... and Shalini... I love reading your magazines.. even if our Nepali media tells us that you were always the 'Boss' when you were selling tea and biskoots in New Road back in the days! Who cares?

We should all learn from the Wadhwas... if the Indians can come to Nepal and be the 'boss' then why can't we Nepalis learn from them? Sikoom ho Seek-koom!

So the moral of the story is, start as an accountant, stab your boss in the arse, take over the company, pay off the Maoists and Rule Nepal... hehehe!

And no matter what they do.. if you still want to go to the Casino then always remember Kenny Dai ... uhaa lay bhan-noo bhaa-thyo kyaruh ..."You got to know when to hold'em, know when to fold 'em....Know when to walk way and know when to run."

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Happy Camping!

The Maoists are planning to have a big Jamboree in Gorkha come Nov 21st.... and their expenses will be around NRs 30 million rey! Wow.... Mao Inc. is probably the most profitable political-revolutionary-criminal party in this whole wide world!

Thousands of Mao Cummies have gathered in Gorkha and are building huts rey. Hehehe... They have the money to build a mega-city but I guess the Maoists don't want to spend much dough in them places where they started them 'Pee-on-the-Pee-Pools' War!

They are building them huts, toilets, recreation centers, communication centers ..and what not! I think the Maoists should have used all them looted-booted money from banks and nearly every other businessperson in Nepal... to build roads and what not in them far places like Rukum and Rolpa!

But like nearly all our political players and their chamchas, they only dream of power because then they can loot the nation's coffers and have all the fun!

So what's the story in Gorkha? Well, Mohan Baidya aka 'Rambo' wants to fight India and he thinks he can do it all alone. C'mon man... you are not Sunny Deol and this ain't no Bollywood film and your lover is not in Pakistan... okay! Please stop drinking them local moonshines!

Then we have Dr. BRB (Be Right Back)... not! Daaktaar Babu Ram wants to take it easy, finish this so-called constitution-writing stuff and then capture the state or whatever the state we will be in .. after all this nautanki!

And then we have the Godfather... Prachu Corleone.. aka Prachanda aka Dhaaley! The Commander-in-Chief of the PLA, the great Chairman, the great Joongay Shree 101 Maharaaja of 'New Nepal'... Prachandu just wants to do some crazy shit and send BRB to some gulag in Rolpa and maybe buy Mohan Baidya a truckload of Bihari local wine and shut him up or something!

Prachanda has them tight control over the PLA, the Mao Inc. Party Funds and nearly everything else. So, Mohan Baidya should just cross the border and start fighting the Indian Army right away.

Dr. BabuRam has a PhD in urban planning or something, tyo pani ... the 'Marxist' way rey! I have no idea what and how the Marxists plan this 'urban' thing ... and his 'Tax them Sons of Bitches' naatak may have done a wonderful PR natak for the Maoists but the reality is he doesn't have any answers for all our problems either!

But when it comes to the Popularity contests, BRB wins and nearly all of us do want to see him as the Next PM of this 'New Nepal' ... why because then Hisila Yummy will be our First Lady and their daughter is still single kyaruih! So, we can all drool and wrool hola ni! But the First Daughter will need to do some make-over hola... but I like her the way she is!

And when I see Hisila Yami... I just smile, grin and kheeti-teeti because I think Yami auntie is a person who would be like.. bitch-slapping BRB and doing some S&M stuff while BRB is tied up and sheet! Hahaha.. sorry but I don't see that happening with Prachu Uncle and Sita Auntieee!

BTW, I forgot... we do have a President ... and our intelligence sources say that he is the first and the last President of this 'Republic of Nepal' rey... because the Maoists are planning to scrap this 'Presidency' thing and bring back Gyanu Uncle as the 'Cultural King' .. wa rey wa ... kya scene hai bhai!

Ho ni tuh.. Gyanu Uncle is in India and it's always the 'Desis' who get the blame for all our problems but they have always helped our political actors to play against each other!

The Drunk and Playboy Tribhuwan was sent back to Nepal to have some fun. Then they sent BP, then they rescued BP, then they kicked BP and then they did some ziggy-wiggy with MB and his son BB and then they sent GP ani feri they sent PD and once again they are sending back Gyanu Uncle. History repeats itself bhanchan kyaruh.. tyehi tuh hola ni!

Anyways, wishing all our Mao Cumraids all the fun in Gorkha. Since Khetan recently sold their stake for 40 million US$ dollars, maybe they can give the old stock 'Gorkha Beer' to all our Maoist Scout-Masters when they come for the big bang Jamboree in Gorkha!

I hope this 'Gorkha Camping' thing will bring back old memories and remind Prachandu and the gang ... why they hid in India while the sons and daughters of them villagers died for the so-called revolution!

Jai Gorkhali.. ooops... Jai Pra-Chandali !

Monday, November 15, 2010

The 'Fresh Prince' is here....

The 'Fresh Prince of Saud-Air is in town and our dailies report that he took a mid-night stroll here and there.

It's good to hear that someone is not harassed by our beloved Nepal Police for walking around after dark. If he had been a Nepali citizen, he would have been stopped, harassed and sometimes, given a one-two latthi charge and three-four kicks and then taken to the local police post for a good night rest with them bed bugs!

That's how our Nepal Police works. Anybody walking around after 10pm is a criminal element rey and most of the checking goes around from 8 to 10pm when people are returning home from work, fun or parties!

As if all them burglars, kidnappers and gangsters roam around the Valley when there is a checking going on!

Anyways, welcome His Air-ness Al-Waleed bin Talal to the Himalayan Kingdom of Nepal. Ooops ... sorry we are a republic now! Our stupid care-taker government has decided to confer the highest medal to be given to any foreign national and with honorary doctorate in law.

Wow! And the medal is called 'Rastradip' rey... hehehe.. how come nobody has heard about such medals so far! And what's up with them Law Degree? What the hell did Talal do to deserve such honor?

"Nepal wants to impress the visiting Prince by conferring a highest medal because he is an investor besides being a royal from the country where five hundred thousand Nepalis work," said a government official.

We hear that Talal is interested to invest in them tourism and hydropower stuff rey! How about asking Talal to go back to Saudi Arabia and asking them companies to pay our Nepali laborers decent wages and better living conditions instead! How about asking him to open up a Saudi Embassy here in Kathmandu?

Our @#$!ing leaders are just bunch of local guffadis who got lucky by fooling us but they can't fool the bideshis can they? And I thought since we are now a Republic, we really don't give a rat's arse about them Royals from anywhere... but I guess I was wrong!

I do hope The 'Prince' invests in them so-called interested projects and I hope he sets aside 10-20% of his investment for payment to our Maobadi Comrades for not-obstructing any work related to them projects!

But I don't think he has to worry about that... after all the whole world knows that majority of them Muscle-maan (pronounced 'moosal') fundamentalists haroo are funded by the Saudis and they are good at exporting 'Wahhabism' and them so-called Holy Warriors all around the world!

Bholi feri Mao Inc. lay nihoo khojyo bhaney feri Saudi haroo lay pani Nepal ma pathau-laa ni them shoe-side bombers haroo..hehehe!

Lau Tuh... Congrats to Dr. Al-Waleed bin Talal and man... the man got a hot wife... ummm... Princess hoinuh ruh? Abuh uha koon chahi ho, biwi no.1, 2 or 3.. .tyo chahi Prince lai nai sodhnoo parla..hahah!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Suu Kyi ... free?

I still remember my 9th grade ko Moral Science teacher. She was a bomb! Well, I am not talking about her physical stuff ni feri... She dressed like Mrs. Doubtfire, She looked like somebody who could spend 24hrs baking cookies ... hehehe and she never started the class until there was a pin drop silence in the classroom.

Sometimes, it took us 27 minutes to get the class going ... and the class was only 45 minutes long! And we had them 'minus' points or 'demerit' points and at the end of each term, she would deduct them from your final score.

I usually bagged like 28 minuses but my final score was always 60+ (tyeti bela anything over 60 was first division ni!)...

Moral Science class was easy... you may be a devil but class notes ruh 'Ram Dev' baba jastai guff-a maarey pachi ... you could be in line for 'canonization' by the Holy Pope...heheh! Tyeti bela ko Pope nai both John & Paul ko fan thiyo kyaruh!

Anyways, I have to give it to her... Tyeti Bela Hamro 'Old Nepal' ma pani bhakkar bhakkar 'so-called' Democracy ayeko thiyo. The whole world was going 'Give Me Freedom, Give me Fire' long before K'naan came out with his World Cup Anthem in 2010!

Pachi po ho tyo K'naan lay AR Rahman ko Naan Saan taste garey pachi 'Give Me Reason, Take Me Higher' thaw-pay ko..hehehe!

Let's get back to Mrs. Doubtfire... She used to make us memorize them UN 'Declaration of Human Rights' and we had quizzes on them stuff!

Aung San Suu Kyi had won them 'Burmese Election' and then she was in jail kyaruh... and our Mrs. Doubtfire asked us to write a letter to them 'Burmese Junta' to release Suu Kyi ASAP! Well, the ASAP took twenty years kyaruh!

She won a Nobel Peace Prize and the Burmese Junta offered her a 'house arrest' ... until now but the question is for how long will her freedom last?

It's been 20 years ... Burma is still the same.... Well, Myanmar is still the same! The Generals are having all the fun... Karen Rebels are still fighting, the Drug Lords are still busy cooking heroin and what not!

And the funny thing is India, China and even the Singaporeans have invested like 8 billion US$ in Burma... hahaha.. Human Rights? Any Rights? When it comes to making money, the world doesn't care even if a monkey is ruling over a country if some dough is to be made!

That's how it is in them 'African' nations and so is the case with 'Burma'... The Generals are not packing up and leaving any time soon. The Drug trade will not stop tomorrow and Suu Kyi will either be sent to them so-called 'civilized' nations or will be allowed to do some meet up and greet up programs around the country and then will be escorted back to her house for another round of 'house arrest'...

When both India and China think it is in their best interest to pour billions of dollars in Burma then the whole world can shut up and put up with the 'junta' ... I guess!

The Amrikis lose billions of dollars every month with their so-called trade with China. And they make this little 'ting ding ting ding' noise (what?) about Tibet now and then. But we all know that Tibet will never be free and the US will keep on buying all them 'cheap goodies' from China till Stephen Hawking comes with another book ... maybe a 'The End of Time' or something!

So, let us all dance and be happy ... Welcome back Suu Kyi... We love you and hope China and India doesn't loose any sleep over their investment going daang-doong because not much will change in Burma!

The Singaporeans should also sleep well.... afno desh ma chahi manchey lai chaak ma korraa haaney... Burma ko military lay monks haroo lai goli thok-daa chahi choop chaap basney.. Lau Lee Kwan Yee ko chora lay jaaney cha hai!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Girl Next Door....

Saturday morning.. aajuh tuh bihanuh saat bajey dekhi nai ghar agaadi ko kaaath-factory batuh kkkrrrring - krrrrring .... thyak thyak thyak ko loud music!

Thank God It's Nepal (TGIN) ... yeha residential, commercial and aroo zoning soning law haroo chainuh kyaruh... kunai din mero ghar agaadi 'Dhoonga Roda Gitti Pale-nay factory' sooroo bhaye pani Prachanda ko Bajey lay pani rokh-nuh sakdai-nuh kyaruh!

Anyways.... Bihanuh 7 bajey nai local chiya pasal ma gayeruh doodh-chiya piu-nuh basiyo... ani Nepal ko hottest selling newspaper ko wari pari 3-4 janaa tole ka lafaangaa (mera saathi haroo nai hoon...heheh!) pura 'Iran ko nuclear secrets' nai fela parya jastai basi raako theee-yeah!

"Saptahik" ... according to the publishing company, them Kantipur-wallah is a family newspaper rey. Tyesko bau ko family hola... Rs 12 ani vitra chahi euta nuh euta yu-vati ko ardha-nanguh photo haroo hoonchan!

Yes, mailey pani padchoo bela bela ma. Mero aankhaa ma moti-bindu laageko chaina ni! But to call yourself a 'sabai ko laagi sampurna patrika' is a big joke.. hoinuh ruh?

I have nothing against... girls who want to flaunt it... if you got it then do whatever you want with it kyaruh but .. hya chod-diu yee sab koora haru.

Anyways, front page ko title chahi 'Mouth Open Namrata' ... translated from 'Mookh Kholin Namrata ley'... or maybe it's 'Namrata finally opens up or speaks up or whatever is up?"

So, today let's talk about Namrata!

I had no idea who Namrata was until her 'private moments' became public! Sano Sansaar mailey hay ray ko chaina ... nuh tuh 'Euta Mero Saathi Cha' ... then one day I was at a local chiya pasal and everyone is watching something on them mobiles ... mailey pani hay-ray!

The first thing I thought was: Somebody gives this girl a shaving kit. And the next thing I thought was : "If only this was Amrika... it wouldn't be a big thing and somebody would have made a million bazookas... Somebody Call 'Vivid' .. heheh!

And then Kathmandu was like .... 'She's a whore' .. 'She's a bitch' .. 'How much?' .... "I know her"... ya ya .. everybody knows Namrata.

I know the Pope, Obama and Laloo Prasad Yadav too. Abuh if they don't know me then it's their problem ni!

Anyways.... then I asked my so-called tole ko 'global affairs expert haroo'... who's the asshole?

Some DJ Tantrik shit .... tyesko bau lay aroo kunai naam diyenuh ki kya ho.... pachi thaha bhayo.. usko tyo 'artist naam' po rahecha... DJ nuh CJ... pakka naam tuh Kichman Chitrakar rey!

Hoo-naw the Jaat nai 'Artist' parey cha (with due respect to all hardworking and fun 'Chitrakars') .... Nepal ko caste pani kohi chahi 'aristocratic' rey kohi 'artistic' rey..ani first name pani Kich-Man... kasho Kheech-Man parey nuh... natra kati photo khich-thyo hola bajiya bhaatey lay!

Then tole ma countdown sooroo bhayo... Is She going to hang herself? Jump from Dharara? Drink poison?

But I have to admit.... She's a strong person! It's always the girl who gets the blame... whatever happened to Kichman, the evil love-child of Batman and some Vampire-ni? How come that guy is not getting kicked in the face or his balls castrated by the so-called feminists or 'women's rights' group in Kathmandu!

Yeti bela po ho 'naari' group haroo lay Kichman lai naangaai Kathmandu ghoom-ayeruh kaalo-moo-show dal-nay hoinuh ruh?

Where is Namrata today? According to them news reports, She is doing movies left and right and is getting paid Rs 500,000.00 per movie rey! Go Girl! You deserve it... you are talented, beautiful and well who cares if you like ice-cream very much.

It was her personal thing. She is 18+ and she has the right to follow the 'biology 101' class notes as much as all of us! But next tyam, please don't get sloshed and agree to be taped by some Khich-maaan!

The girl's got talent.... hope she keeps on doing movies (although I won't watch it... Mission Paisa ko refund naw-paay-ye samma muh kunai pani music director ko feature film hare nay wallah chaina) ....

And what about Kichman Chitrakar.... hope your thing rots and may you get piles and choke on your own ice-cream.. lau jaaa... gadha ... dherai gaali pani na-gaw-rau kyaruh.. kichhy man lai... tyo moro tuh shaadi-sooda pani rahecha... yes ma chahi hamro Nani lay pani ali khyal garey hoonthyo ni....

And Ramen-Noodles.... I hear you guys are no longer friends ... rey .... anyways... Good luck and best wishes to Namrata but next time... please practice safe sex and wear a burkha while you go down under .....because you never know... feri you might be on Candid Camera!

Friday, November 12, 2010

2010 Asian Games

The 2010 Asian Games soo-roo hoodai cha Aajuh dekhi.. lau tuh sabai Guangzhou ka naari haroo lai mero pranaam!

The Chinese really know how to party jasto cha hai... Olympics ma pani sansaar lai dekhai halyo... abuh Asian Games tuh kay ho ruh... see-reef 17 billion US$ maatruh kharcha tuh ho ni!

Hehe... Chinese haroo euta game same ko laagi 17 billion US$ kharcha garchan... yo paisa baroo Nepal ko sabaai bato saato , hydro sydro ma kharcha garery ruh .. hami lay pani Hong Kong jastai 99 year deal sign garney ho ki?

Abuh yehi kura India ko naam jo-dyo bhaney sabai Nepali lee malai chaak maa laat haanchan.. baroo Chinese nai besh. Kinuh ni? Tyo tuh Hamro 'Great' Leader.. .Nepali 'Mao' , Prachanday 'joongay' Bahadur lai nai Thaha hola ni!

Asti bhakkar China baatuh fur-kay-ruh audaaa 'East West kay kay.. China is the best' bhan-they kyaruh tyo Prachu Dracula lay!

The Indians should learn a thing or two about how to run them games from China. Commonwealth games tuh sakiyo taruh India ajahai pani infrastructure sinfrastructure ma chahi ajhaai dherai pachaadi cha hai China bhanda tuh!

Now how many medals are we expecting? None! Khiladi see-reef 20 janaa , Nepali patrakaar haroo 40 janaa, Officials haroo 80 janaa ruh hamra neta ko joi, poi, soi gareruh arko 120 jaanaa... yestai cha hamro Nepal ko 'Sports' world!

Bichara athlete haroo jahiley pani marka nai markaa maa! Nepal Olympic Committee ruh Nepal Sports Council jahiley pani jhagaadaa ruh baad-biwaaad. Paisa hina mina .... jaha pani politics!

Ani Hamro Nepal ko 'Sports Mantri' pani jaadai chan rey taruh uni lai nai thaha chaina rey uni kay , kaslai represent garney bhaney ruh... Mission Chief ki Team Leader.. "Muh chahi ko ho bhanney tyeha gayeruh?" bhaw-ney-ruh sodh-dai thiyo hijo samma!

Hamra Neta haroo lai tea-party garnuh chahi paisa nai paisa baroo tyo chiya-paan karykaram ko paisa lay hamro Nepali khiladi haroo lai yeso bhatta-satta dinoo ni!

The Maoists also had their Tea-Party yesterday... ani Amriki Ambassador, Army Chief, aroo dal ka neta haroo sabai pugay chan tyeha tuh... Aroo bela kay chiya nai piu-nuh pau daina ki kya ho ... sabai janaa lay!

Our political parties lay baroo Nepal ko tea industry ma invest garey hooncha ni tyo tea-party garney paisa lay... Nepali chiya producer haroo ko bay-haal cha. .yeha hamro neta haaroo chahi 'Desi' Tea ruh Desi 'Ghee' lay baw-nay-ko samosa khoo-au-dai bascha mora haroo!

Lau tuh... Hope our khiladis make us proud... medal hami lai chahi-dai-nuh... afno personal best tyam improve garey hooncha hai!

And hope all our officials, patrakars and rajnitik karykartas who got them free tickets and allowances to attend the Asian Games.. may you get 'SARS' or something.. how about the 'Plague'... China batuh nai gaako rey tyo 'Europe' ma 1600s ma ...heheh!