Saturday, November 26, 2016

Pickpockets Empty Our Pockets!




Our lawbreakers have endorsed a bill to increase their salary and chiya kharcha. I think our lazy bums are really out of touch with reality. They have no shame and instead act like this country is their personal property and can be divided and sold to the highest bidder for their own personal gain. 

I don’t know who gave them such idea but it's time we sent our lawbreakers to meet up with the shrinks so that we can at least figure out why are they so eager to loot us all. 

Was it because they had a difficult childhood or was it because they were just too lazy to find real work and make an honest living? Or were they Kings in their previous lives and now had to steal from all of us to maintain the lifestyle they lived then?

Our psychiatrists could help them overcome the mental illness they seem to be suffering from and achieve better mental health! Maybe, hypnosis could cure our netas! Yes, people do quit smoking, quit drinking and who knows, our clowns could quit looting through hypnosis. Wouldn't that be great for this country? 

Then, finally we would have honest politicians with morals, integrity and character. And instead of only thinking of how to exploit the system and extort from everyone, they would for a change think of making this country and our lives better.

Our pickpockets will receive Rs 124,000 from the next fiscal year! It seems that our politicians want to reward themselves for procrastination. I think we should have a 'no work, no pay' system for our clowns!

It will take an average Nepali more than a year to make what our lawbreakers will get in a month. Why is there no outrage when our politicians continue to loot the state treasury to fatten their bellies? 

We have already spent billions of Rupees feeding these greedy pickpockets and it seems that they will not come together to resolve the political crisis in the country. Instead, they will keep on asking for more perks while delivering nothing.

We all know that our political parties have yet to agree on the names, number of provinces and boundaries and what not. Who knows, we might even be lucky enough to witness CA Part 3 and our politicians can waste another decade doing nothing while the country goes down in flames. 

When it comes to sharing the loot amongst themselves, our clowns cross party lines, come together and support each other. But when it comes to doing something good for the country, our clowns blame each other for the mess we are in, accuse each other of being foreign stooges and threaten each other with bandas and what not!

While our clowns pat each other for raising their pay and perks, our doctors at Teaching Hospital have decided to boycott the out-patient department to support the ongoing hunger strike by Dr KC! I think we should also support Dr KC and his demands and wear black armbands to work. 

Whenever we see our politicians riding around town in luxury vehicles, let us all wave black flags to show our displeasure or we can go a step further and learn from the South Koreans when it comes to organizing mass rallies.

It's been two weeks now since Dr KC started his 10th hunger strike. Our Health Minister Gagan Thapa is in China. Thapa did visit KC a few days ago to inquire about his health. I guess Thapa can't do much and he would be better off if he resigned now. 

He could win some political points and at least tell the world that he did try to help the doctor but the mafia was just too strong to fight against during the next election campaign!

Our Prime Monster doesn't care. Why should he? He has already accomplished so much in his 100 days in office that he can take credit for the way this country is moving for the next decade. But what must we do to pressure our incompetent government to address Dr KC 's demands? 

Taking to the streets will not be enough for our government. We cannot act like savages and destroy public property like the cadres of our political parties. We cannot block our highways, shut down our schools and businesses and hurt ourselves. Our netas and their cadres can do that because they don't have to go to work and make an honest living!

We cannot ask the Madam President to help out because she is busy cutting ribbons and making sure Ram Dev Baba open up factories for his ayurvedic products in this country. Yes, Ram Dev has promised to help this country with the profits from his factory in Nepal. Yes, our billionaire NRN Dr Mahato is partnering with the Baba. 

Who knows, one day, the Baba's shop could sell everything you need from birth till death! And we can ask him to at least brew some herbs that we can offer to our politicians and civil servants to cure them from various ailments that make them misuse their authority and loot from the state and the people!



Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Mafiacracy!




Dr KC is right when he tells us that the mafia runs this country and our civil servants and clowns work together to make sure that criminals both domestic and foreign make tons of money so that they too can get a piece of the loot!  

We have heard about a bunch of Eastern Europeans running around town, stealing money from our ATMs. They should have known better. If they had been kind enough to involve one of our corrupt clowns in their act, they would have left the country with their illegal stash after paying the commission! 

But when you get too greedy while stealing money that does not belong to you then you are bound to get caught if you don't share the loot with our evil doers! 

Our government's motto is 'Sharing is Caring!'. Share the loot with the civil servants, contractors, cadres and con artists but give nothing to the common folks!

The mafia is present everywhere. Our byaparis sell us adulterated products and the government can't do a thing. Well, they do take action against such folks once in a while by shutting down their shops, asking them to pay minimal fine and the next day the chors open their shops and do the same natak again!

Our bus wallahs rule our highways through their syndicate system that prevents competition and deprive better services for passengers. Our private hospitals and private schools charge fees that would even make a bideshi from the West go crazy is he or she does know how to do the math!

Our civil servants offer tons of cash to our netas so that they can get lucrative postings or promotion. And now our government is thinking of finding ways to get rid of the current Police chief by introducing new regulation or link him up with Lokman or some other natak. Yes, get rid of the IGP saheb and get a new one. 

At least the one who sits on the kurchi will then have to pay at least ten Karods. We all know that our hakim sahebs in government agencies have to either pay to get the top spot or even if they are lucky and get appointed without offering cash, they would still have to find ways to make money for our ministers or else will get the boot!

Our incompetent government has made no effort to even respond to Dr KC's demands even though it's been almost a week since he began his 10th hunger strike. We all know that our netas want to see the doctor dead rather than honor his demands and reform the medical education sector in the country! 

Maybe our netas have a bet with each other on how long Dr KC can last this time. Our politicians will probably visit him in a few days and promise to fulfill his demands again.  

How long can we stand aside and look while our criminal elites make all the profits while they take this country down the drain? I think Dr KC should stop his hunger strike and open a political party instead. 

Well, Baburam has one and so does the Bibeksheel wallahs! But will Dr KC's party be different from them or the rest of the pickpockets out there? I think it will.  

It's about time, we all got behind the doctor and urge him to start a new political party. Yes, we need a movement. Amrika has gotten Trump, let's get KC to lead our movement and show the world that you don't have to bigot to lead a movement.

Our doctors plan to organize a peace rally in Kathmandu today to support Dr KC's hunger strike. But rallies and support will not make our government bend backwards. Our government promises to fulfill his demands and then he breaks the fast and then after a few months, our doctor has to go back to his hunger strike because the government doesn’t do anything at all.

Dr KC wants the government to honor past agreements but so far our clowns have not done anything to reform the medical education sector because then they would lose millions of Rupees in kickbacks from our medical colleges who need affiliation to fleece our students!

How many times must KC go on a hunger strike before our government acts and does something good for the country? Instead, our government is busy doling out millions of Rupees to our netas to seek medical treatment abroad. Why on earth would Sujata Auntie need millions when she is already worth billions? 

We all know what happened to the hundreds of thousands of Nepali passports that went missing from our Foreign Ministry. We all know who made millions or even billions from illegal VOIP nataks? 

We all know how much our Nepal Airlines lost during the 'Kangaroo' days decades ago. But I guess, our netas still want free lunch from the state even when they have already made millions of Rupees by looting the state treasury and  from extorting our civil servants and contractors!

When will we all stand up, take to the streets and protest and even prevent our netas from flying to foreign lands to seek medical treatment.  If you really have to go, then why not go to India? 

Yes, Modi bhai could even provide free treatment to all our lawmakers and civil servants. Our thulo mancheys run to India for help be it during elections or scholarships for their children or to seek political support to topple the government. But why do they want to spend our money in Singapore, Thailand and the US when the Desis can save us some money? 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, November 12, 2016

God Bless America




Amrika had the chance to elect the first Madam President but it failed and now, the world has to deal with Trump. The world is shocked that such a man could win the Presidency of the United States. Well, the Amrikans are different from the rest of us. They drive on the other side, they don't care about Celsius, Kilometers and Liters! It's Fahrenheit, Miles and Gallons!

A day before the election, Trump was an outsider who wanted to not only rock the boat but get on it and sail away for another four years. Well, that's what he has managed to accomplish and he gets to sit in the Oval office and have fun! 

Trump is right when he tells the world that this was a movement, and people voted for him not because he was qualified but they were tired of the establishment and wanted to break the status quo. 

We can no longer call him a sexist, a racist or whatever names you can come up with. He is now the 45th President of the United States of Amrika. Well, he will be once he takes the oath on 20th January, until then he can ask his people to at least teach him how to talk like a normal person and tone down be it his voice, posture or even his hair!  

Amrika is not New York City and you can't be walking around like a 'Don' and expect the world to bow down to you. It's not as easy as grabbing something and getting away with it like he usually did during his days as a businessman.

During the election campaigns, the Amriki candidates go crazy. They call each other names and make up stories and hope that the voters will elect the ones who can come up with the biggest lies. But once the election is over, things go back to normal. Hillary had kind words for Trump and so did Trump for Hillary. Even after all the nataks, Trump is now Hillary's President, he is the President for all Amrikans. At the end of the day, everyone is on the same team. Amrika comes first!

But in this land of ours, our politicians come first. Their political parties comes next and then the cadres and then their chamchas and con artists who can make them as much moolah as possible while in power. Amrika shows the world that even though politics is dirty, when it comes to handing the baton, there will always be a peaceful transition. 

Obama hates Trump and Trump is the guy who questioned Obama's right to be the President. Trump still think Obama has a fake birth certificate. But it's all over now. Obama is leaving the White House and Trump is moving in. 

Here in this land of ours, we have had peaceful transitions since the Shree Tins left the building. Earlier, it would be one of the five 'warrior' families killing each other so that they can have some fun. But since the 50s, we just allow the other guy to either leave the country or just let it go and let him or her continue to enjoy the illegal wealth he or she has amassed. 

Yes, we still have the Shree Tins cousins with property worth billions of Rupees. We still have the Pancheys who made millions and even continue to be active in politics today. Our Morons, the Kangaroos and the Unidentified Mundrey Leaders have mansions and continue to enjoy the loot. Our Maoist and Madhesi netas have fared no better and instead of breaking the status quo, have become part of the establishment and engage in corruption like crazy.

So what will President Trump do in his first 100 days? Our Emperor thinks he has done a lot since he became our Prime Monster more than three months ago. Yes, give a few thousand Rupees to a few thousand our of displaced families. How can one build a house with a lakh or two and that too in installment.  And we can't blame our brothers and sisters who took the money and instead spent it on clothes and food during the Dashain festival!

If Trump really follows up on his campaign promises then in the next hundred days after he takes office, Amrika will build walls along the Mexican border and make the Mexicans pay for it. He will kick out all Muslims from Amrika, deport tens of millions of illegal immigrants and make it harder for some of us to get the US Visa either for studies, vacation or to just get in the country and somehow stay there till we legalize our status. 

But politicians make promises that they will never fulfill. And it won't be easy trying to carry out your campaign promises which really doesn't make any sense at all. The world need not be scared of Trump! Let us all wish him the best and hope he will be a successful President like Dubya!  

And you never know, he might even be the first President to resign because he could still get caught up with not paying his taxes or some other business deals gone wrong. At least the Amriki have the courts and the legislative branch that checks the power of the President. 

Here,  the Court sentences a guy to prison but the politicians protect him and our police turn the other way. In our land, we can get away with evading taxes and what not. At least in Amrika, if the IRS comes after you and you really screwed up when filing your taxes then you might or most likely will end up in jail no matter who you are. And no, this is not end of the world! Someday Amrika will have a Madam President and that day is not that far away! 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Salmon Diplomacy



Our incompetent government sure knows how to welcome bideshi guests. Yes, declare a public holiday so that millions of us can stay home and spend quality time with our families. The kids spent their day playing games online while the parents spent their day, going through their wallets, trying to figure out how much money was spent during the Tihar festival.

Our government blocks our roads, tell the people to shut down their shops and not even look out the window when the bideshi guest is out on the street. It seems that our government is scared of its own people. 

Let us expect more public holidays whenever another bideshi VVIP is in town. They tell us that the Chinese President will drop by sometime this year. If he really comes to our city then let us put on some kind of a 'dragon dance' show on the street instead of asking us to stay home again. 

At least the Pancheys used to ask the schools to send the kids to the street and provide them with flowers and flags. All they had to do was to stand, wait for hours and when the guest and his entourage passed by, wave and yell loudly as if they were happy to see the VVIP! 

But our 'New Nepal' government does not want to trouble our school kids or even ask the pubic to join the fun. We have a caring government now. Who wants to stand in the sun for hours and wait for a few seconds for the VVIP to pass by and then go home. We would rather stay home and vent our anger in social media!

Our so-called politicians must have enjoyed the dinners hosted for the Desi President. Our President should fire some of our Foreign Ministry folks for the stupid State Banquet menu. Why on Earth do we need to offer Norwegian Salmon to the Desi President? 

Why not Dal Bhat or even roti and sabji? Maybe Malekhu ko Maccha would be okay but it seems that our government wants to try some Western dishes so that when our VVIPs go abroad, they will not have to figure out how to eat the stuff in front of them!

At least our Emperor did the right thing by offering Bara and Nepali dishes but we could have saved a few Rupees if he had invited the President to some local joint in Kirtipur instead of another five-star hotel!

As usual, our politicians put on their 'arse-kissing' act before the bideshi guest. Our President thanked India for helping us with our development projects. Our Prime Monster even went further and told the Desi President that he was a super-hero and everyone should be like him. I guess our politicians have already forgotten about the blockade and how much we suffered then. 

The Desi President told our netas that they will have to bring the Madhesi parties on board and resolve the political crisis in the country. It's the same speech from every other Desi politician. All India wants is a peaceful, stable and prosperous Nepal. 

But all our politicians want to divide the country so that they can enjoy the loot amongst themselves and we know that India really doesn't have a favorite and view all our politicians as the same bunch of pickpockets who beg for cash and what not from the Desis and then come home and rant against them!

Well, the Desi President is back home now. Hope he had fun visiting Janakpur and Pokhara even if it was just for a few hours. Now, let us hope our Madam President will visit Delhi soon and the Indian government will also declare a public holiday then.  Our next Prime Monster, Deuba Uncle is also in India. Maybe, he wants to meet the Desis and plan his 9-month stay in Baluwatar in advance!

The Amrikis will elect a new President this week. They tell us that it's going to be a tight race but let us hope that Amrika, the land of the free will finally elect a woman President instead of an 'ignorant, racist, sexist pig'. And then we can invite Hillary to Nepal. She's been here before as the First Lady. If she doesn't have the time, then Bill can come as the First Gentleman!

It's back to the normal daily routine for all of us. Our politicians will wait until Chhath festival before they begin their same 'circus' acts. We all know that our netas do not think of the big picture. They have only short-term vision which is to loot the state, the people and the resources of this country. 

Their long-term plan is to make sure that their kids are all settled aboard and if things go crazy, run away from this land and enjoy the illegal-wealth stashed in bideshi banks! 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com