Saturday, October 14, 2017

No More Constipation!




We are done with our local elections and as usual, it was the crooks and the corrupt who managed to win big with their muscles and money. It seems that we, the people are still not ready to elect honest, hardworking folks to represent us. 

We just want to be safe with the same old thieves from the same old corrupt political parties because most of us do want to make sure that we have people who will waste our taxpayers' money on chiya kharcha to near and dear ones instead of having someone who will work to save us a few Rupees.

We thought our local representatives were going to be a different lot, better than the usual bunch of pickpockets who are our Constipated Assembly (CA) members but they seem to be more greedy than our lawmakers. Our Mayors want to ride around in luxury vehicles that will cost us more than a Karod. Our ward chairperson want smart phones and other perks. 

The Mayor of Kathmandu has failed us miserably. He can't even clear the garbage from the streets of Kathmandu and yet he dreams of making our capital a smart city with all the metro rail and what not.

Maybe, we just need to make our capital, a walking city and instead of giving preference to vehicles, let us give priority to our pedestrians and promote cycling. We will be a lot fitter and we will save billions in fuel and even medical cost as we might at least be able to minimize pollution inside the valley to some extent.

We now look forward to our provincial elections at the end of November and then we will have to elect our chors who will represent us in the parliament on the first week of December. Why can't we have both of the elections on the same day instead? 

Our Election Commissioners are more interested to ride around in luxury vehicles and waste hundreds of millions of Rupees for their own benefit instead of saving the government a few Rupees. It seems that every hakim saheb and neta just want to find ways to waste money from the national coffer. 

I think we need someone who is a saver who can save this country, save our economy, save us a few Rupees and save the game of politics before it becomes a playground for only murderers, kidnappers, robbers and mundrey gundas.

Our Constipated Assembly wasted billions and billions of Rupees to feed our hungry, starving lawmakers for nearly a decade. And what did we get so far? We got nothing but a half-baked constitution which once again happens to be the best in the world. 

Our CA will cease to exist but we can't be happy that we will save billions of Rupees because now, we will spend even more when we finally get our Chief Ministers and his or her courtiers in our provinces. Then we will have to feed our Prime Monster and his mini-sinisters at the federal level as well.

Our Mayors want vehicles worth more than a Karod. Now, a Chief Minister would want something more luxurious and expensive than what a Mayor is driving around in. So, let's get him or her a Range Rover. Yes, we should keep the status of our VVIPs in mind. 

If we checked our nation's bank accounts then we would not be able to afford even a cycle but who cares about balancing the books? So, let us not hurt the dignity of the office of the Chief Minister. And our provincial ministers will need a nice ride as well. Our provincial Houses will have as much members combined as we had in our Constipated Assembly. All lawmakers there will need a nice paycheck, chiya kharcha and other perks.

Then, we move up to the federal level, where we will have 275 eggheads at the Lower House and 59 snobs at the Upper House.  Do we really need to have PR seats? We have seen how our corrupt political parties sell their PR quotas to byaparis and other con artists for Karods of Rupees. 

It would be nice if the PR seats had a eligibility requirements like at least have a Masters degree and have held a job for at least five years in their life or if you are a byapari then your audit report of your business should be updated and not be in the black list as someone who has not paid his or her bank loans for years.

We cannot change this system by just writing about it. Our media has been doing a good job writing about corruption, abuse of authority and what not. Our incompetent government fires Gopal Khadka and the Supreme Court reinstates him at his old job because our government failed to follow due process. 

Maybe, our government should also look the other way and act like it didn't get the Supreme Court's directive like they have been doing for those who have been found guilty of murder and are yet to be arrested by our government. But Gopal Khadka will continue to find ways to make millions for himself, our netas and other government officials.

Our politicians and civil servants really don't care if you call them names, shame them or protest against them on the streets. They have turned out to be much worse than the all the previous regimes combined when it comes to showing at least an ounce of empathy for the people.  

Where are we heading? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? The answer is a big No!  Our politicians would rather make a quick buck and will not hesitate to sell this country to the highest bidder. This is what happens when traitors run the country while patriots have to run out of the country in hopes of making a few Dinars more.




Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, October 7, 2017

All Communists Unite!




Let us hope all of us had a wonderful  Dashain and we will have a good Tihar as well. It's hard for most of us to manage our budget during the festive season.  It seems that most of us consume more masu in a week than we do in a year.

It's about time we think about going vegetarian during Dashain not only to cut down family expenses but to also make sure that we are eating healthy instead of gorging on masu and fatty and fried stuff!

It would be better if we just combined Dashain and Tihar and made it a week-long holiday instead of spending twice in less than a month and going broke.  

We are still waiting for the day when our government will finally realize that people matters most and will be more than happy to provide us at least a few kilos of meat for free to each family or some veggies if you are a vegetarian during festive season.  

But for now, only our VVIPs receive a few hundred liters of petrol for their free vehicles. We will know that we have made it when we get the same perks as our VVIPs in the future. That day will come when folks like Dr KC head our government instead of the same bunch of pickpockets who have been playing politics for the past three decades.

Well, our netas and hakim sahebs don't have to worry much because this is the time they get free raksis, free khasis and boras of cash from fake-VAT bill byaparis, shady contractors and other con artists. And what about the rest of us? Well, we have to ask for loans from near and dear ones and even ask for credit from liquor and meat shops in one's neighborhood to manage the festive season!

It seems that our communist netas were busy playing politics while the Kangaroos and the other folks were busy playing cards and drinking tons of whiseky this Dashain.  Our United Mundrey Leaders, the Meowist and Dr Saheb and his 'New Power' wallahs now tell us that they plan to form an alliance to contest the provincial and federal parliamentary elections and hopefully unite and be part of a one big communist party in this country.  

And our Kangaroos plan to form an alliance with other Madhesi parties and the former Pancheys just to make sure that the communists don't take over and have all the fun!

If we do have a one big communist party by next year then we will have five former Prime Monsters in the same party. Then our clowns will fight amongst themselves to be the Chairperson. And if our communist do manage to win the majority then our Bam Dev uncle will certainly be our Prime Monster. After all, he is the one who is running around trying to get all comrades on board. 

It seems that Dr Saheb has realized that his 'new power' stuff didn't have any buyers. Our Emperor knows very well that his party will just be another third or fourth party in town and the only way to make some dough would be to join another coalition government, bag a few ministries and make a few Rupees and that’s about it.  

Oli knows very well that his party alone cannot win any majority and it would be better to bring the Meowist on board and not worry about our Emperor making deals left and right. But the question is how will all of our comrades get along?

We all know that our communists are not that good at staying together. Well, let us not only blame our commies. Most of our political parties have factions within and they battle it out to get tickets for the elections or have their own near and dear one as ambassadors, justices and hakim sahebs. The Kangaroos did split once and so did our UML. 

The Meowist could  have been a lot stronger if they had stayed together but Baidya Ba had other ideas and Dr Saheb thought he could start a new party. Our Madhesi parties are good at breaking up as well. So let us not have high hopes on our comrades staying together for long either.

So the comrades will be on the left and our Kangroos and their friends will head the right. But who will be at the center and find the middle path to peace and prosperity for this land of ours. 

We all know that our political parties are the most corrupt in this land and it is because of the that our civil servants would rather offer boras of cash to the netas for promotions and lucrative postings instead of  facing the corrupt clowns and telling them to take a hike. No wonder, our shady contractors can carry out shoddy works and get away with it. 

Do we need two big parties in this country to take turns looting us all or do we, the people form a new political party to battle the left and the right? We have seen enough of the communists and socialists. These clowns have shown us that they do not care for the people and only want to exploit them to make some moolah.

Maybe, what Nepal needs for now is a capitalist party for a change. Yes, it's about time Binod Chaudhary and his fellow 'Udhyogpatis' fund a new party that advocates free market economy, transparency and accountability not only on paper but in action as well. 

Yes, Mr Chaudhary , you have done pretty well selling Wai Wais.. why not start your own political party and we can say 'Bye Byes' to our chors. We can even come up with a new slogan, "Hami Timi Lai Wai Wai, Yee Chor haru lai Bye Bye!'…. and no MSG please!



Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Rocket Man vs Dotard!




King Deuba is in New York City and so is our Foreign Minister Mahara but they seem to be lost in the crowd.  How come our netas don't make any news when they attend the UN picnic every year? At least give a speech threatening some other country or just come out with fake news about us thinking about developing nuclear weapons as well. 

After all we have a few grams of Uranium somewhere in our land, don't we? We don't know how easy it would be to extract it but at least we can threaten to do something with it every now and then and get some respect from the so-called 'thulo' nations!

The world knows that we can't go to war with our chimekis and win but at least if we only threaten to work on developing nukes for our personal home use then our chimekis and the West might take us seriously. Mahara thought he would be meeting Trump but I guess our folks in New York didn't know much about protocol and thought it was like back home where anybody can meet the thulo mancheys like our bideshi ambassadors meet our politicians and civil servants. 

Our Ambassador in Amrika can't even meet any US government officials without appointment whereas bidhesis here in Nepal meet our netas like whenever they feel like it and go to their homes and have tea or something. Yes, we Nepalese are friendly folks and guests are Gods! No wonder, bidhesis act like first-class citizens in this land whereas Nepalis get no respect in their own country! 

Even our civil servants, cops and corrupt netas seem to like bidhesis more than their fellow citizens. Our civil servants beg for scholarships for their kids and even jobs after retirement. More than 3.5 million Nepali folks are now overseas working hard to provide for their families back home. 

But when our folks come back or want to go abroad, our immigration officials harass them and treat them like criminals. Where did we go wrong? Here the corrupt think they are righteous while the honest, hard working and law-abiding citizens have to be ashamed of themselves for being good people!

Our corrupt netas beg for funds for their parties from the bideshis whereas our cops do not carry out 'Mapase' checkings on bideshis and even ignore restaurants opening late if owned by non-Nepalis! Why? Well, our cops seem to be scared to talk to bideshis in English or any other bideshi languages or try to understand what they are saying. 

Our cops managed to get hold of gold worth millions of dollars recently but still can't figure out who was the mastermind behind it.  Or maybe bideshis are a lot smarter than us and know how to play the game better.

A blue-plated vehicle can park anywhere, hit someone and get away with it. Our DIG Saheb who is more than likely to be our IGP in a year should crack down on buying and selling of blue-plated vehicles among our bidhesi friends who are neither diplomats nor have anything to do with any work that allows you to drive around in a blue-plated vehicle. 

If you are a Nepali restaurant owner then expect the cops to come to your establishment, harass you and your guests and threaten to take you to jail for a night. 

If you are a bideshi, then the cops will just wait outside till you close your place and won't say much because they are intimidated by other bideshis hanging around and when they see a dozen of blue-plated vehicles outside then they must think that Amriki President Trump and his entourage was here.

Once again,  Trump has shown the world that he loves to give nicknames to friends and foes and he is hell bent on putting Amrika first and the rest of us can take a hike. When will we have a politician who talks about putting 'Nepali First' instead of bowing down and kissing our chimekis' arses for their own self-interest. 

Trump has called  Lil' Kim a Rocket Man who is on a suicide mission whereas Lil' Kim has now fired back and is calling Trump a crazy old person. Well, Trump is a senior citizen and he is crazy in many ways but when will our politicians get nicknames from other world leaders or even from their own band of thieves here at home? 

Well, Oli is our national comedian. Prachanda is our Emperor and Deuba is a Maharaja while Dr. Saheb maybe smarty pants but if Trump had his way then our politicians would be called a jack ass, a flip-flopper, a jerk or sons of seedless cucumbers or even worse. For now, Dotard has challenged Rocket Man for a fight. 

Thank God, we are at least a few miles away from Lil' Kim but we have to be ready when our chimekis challenge each other for the 'Nuke Games' in the future. It's about time, we go nuclear as well! We may not have the brains to build a bomb for now but even talking about the idea of building one will at least make Trump send us a Dashain greeting!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Welcome to Amrika





Our Maharaja Sheroo Dai is leaving for New York after he is done celebrating 'Constitution Day' here at home. Yes, our Prime Monster and thulo mancheys need a vacation every other month to refresh themselves so that they can always come back home and come up with new ideas to loot the state and everyone else while making their near and dear ones happy. 

It seems that our netas and civil servants are neither inspired nor motivated to bring changes to our land after visiting other countries. Look how the Chinese and the Indians have fared since the 1990s. If we had just followed their formula and stayed on the path, we would probably be doing better instead of forcing millions of our folks to work overseas for peanuts and in pitiable conditions.  

It seems that only manpower agencies have made billions in this land and those who own these companies get to be mantris and even Ambassadors.  After all, this is the land where a few Karods will help to make you a Constipated Assembly member, get you lucrative postings if you are a civil servant and even be the top hakim saheb if you can dole out more. 

Our Kangaroos and the Unidentified Mundrey Leaders blame the Maoist for burning everything up then. But let us not forget that the comrades didn't start the fire. It was always burning and they just wanted a bigger bonfire and that’s about it. 

Today, we are here where our comrades and the Kangaroos are now partners. Politics is a dirty game but if we were to learn from our politicians then we would all forget and forgive our neighbors for stealing a few paisa of our land by building the wall without our permission. The world should learn from our politicians. Maybe our netas could even help resolve the conflicts in the Middle East. 

I think our Maharaja Deuba and Emperor Prachanda could win the Nobel Peace Prize for finally uniting the Koreans. These two magicians can show the North and South Koreans how to work it out. After all, it's all about the money.  But of course, Lil' Kim has more money than our Emperor while politicians in South Korea can get more dough from the byaparis than our politicians here!  

But, our two clowns can at least try and show the world that even Nepalis can help bring peace in the world even if we can't do it in our own land and we don't always need the Amrikis or the Scandinavians to sort things out for us or the world!

It’s about time our incompetent government cut down on public holidays instead of celebrating the day when our Shree Tins left  the building and the day when they hung our martyrs and the day Gyanu Uncle gave up or the day when we became a Republic. Why not save us a few million Rupees if we just had one day to celebrate this beautiful land of ours. 

For now, that would not be possible but we can at least ask this corrupt and incompetent government to just celebrate 'Nepal' Day instead of celebrating the day we had our half-baked constitution and why should we keep on celebrating each and every peoples' movement? The Ranas are long gone. Let us not keep on blaming them for all the mess! Kids these days don't know much about the House of Shah and the Pancheys. 

Let us stop blaming the House of Shah for all our problems now.   And in a decade or two, nobody will be talking about our Emperor and his so-called 'war' against the system and how we finally became a Republic. By 2030, we will probably have our own twenty-four kingdoms and then we can celebrate our own national days then.

Our Prime Monster will be in New York next week. He will meet President Trump like other world leaders, do the 30-second photo-op natak, grab a bite or two and that’s about it. The last time he met with an Amriki President, he managed to get some dough to fight against our comrades then. This time, he can ask for some dough from Trump again. Just tell the Amriki President that we need the dough to build a wall for ourselves as well. 

Prime Monster Deuba will address the UN General Assembly and he will also seek support from other countries in our effort to get a seat at the UN Human Rights Council for the coming term. Whom are we kidding? Deuba and Prachanda have still not apologized for the violation of human rights of Nepalis during the so-called civil war. The security forces and our comrades were both involved in killing and torturing common folks as well. 

Yes, the war is long over. But not much has changed for the common folks. Why is it so hard for our chors to ask for forgiveness and reach out to the families affected by the actions of our security forces and the comrades as well?

Our netas can't even get it right and we are still waiting for our commissions to set things right by helping the victims of the conflict and making sure that the violators are held responsible for their crimes. Our netas are in power and they don't care about our courts but the world is watching. 

We may not have the courage to send them to prison today, but someday they will have to face the music. We will have honest politicians then and our civil servants will do their job right and follow the Supreme Court's orders to punish the guilty and who knows maybe the international courts will finally see the light as well! 

Deuba is our Prime Monster again and his number one enemy then is his best friend today. And our Maharaja doesn't care if he violates the laws of the land and keeps on increasing the size of his cabinet. Yes, one out of ten fools is now a mantri. 

Why not just make all of our CA members mantris before they leave the building and we can all provide them perks, vehicles and other chiya kharcha for life. After all, that's the only reason our chors wanted to get into politics. They want to make a quick buck and those who can't want a pension and other perks. Long Live The Republic!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, September 9, 2017

100 days of incompetence!




Our great Mayor of Kathmandu, Bidya Sundar Dai  has completed his hundred days in office. If our Mayor had his way then he would not have hesitated to spend some bucks to buy Kathmanduites a slice of cake each to celebrate the occasion.
  
But that would be wasteful spending, wouldn’t it? Yes, buying something for the residents of Kathmandu Metropolitan City is wrong but wanting to buy mobile phones worth more than thirty thousand Rupees for ward chairpersons is right. And our Mayor was not happy with a luxury vehicle worth millions used by the Chief Executive then and had to buy a new one because he had to match the status symbol of being the Mayor of Kathmandu! 

I think our civil servants and politicians sometimes forget that we are one of the poorest countries in the world and it is because of them our passport get no respect at immigration counters everywhere. 

No wonder, even our own immigration people extort and exploit folks who carry the green passport and want to go overseas to make a few Ringgits and Dinars. So when we all know that we really don't have much dough, why do our sarkari hakims and chor netas continue to want new vehicles for themselves when they can do with the old ones their government agencies have in office?

We, the people thought that things would now change and we would finally get our local representatives to work for us after the local elections but it seems that we have gotten ourselves the same bunch of conniving buffoons to head our local units as well. We were wrong because we elected the chors from the major political parties instead of giving new political parties or independent candidates any chance to lead us at the local level. 

Bidya Sundar Dai is our great 'Dreamer' Oli's brother in law. It certainly helped to get a ticket to stand up for election for Mayor and he won. Then, he either was suffering from hallucinations from the fumes in the valley or had abused some narcotic substance when he went on to promise us that he would complete 101 tasks in 100 days after he took the oath as the Mayor of Kathmandu.

Instead of fixing potholes in the city, our Mayor told us that it would be wasteful spending in the Monsoon to fix our roads. Yes, he was right and even when our kids die or get injured due to the open sewage holes, our Mayor was silent and did not care much. He was probably busy trying to figure out how to make some moolah with government contracts to our slimy contractors in the future. 

Our Mayor promised us that he would make the capital city, a smart, green and beautiful place to live. Well, we all know that it is not possible to do much in hundred days but he should have at least started somewhere. Our Metropolitan City still can't manage its garbage problems.  

Our Mayor promised to raise the social security allowance to Rs 12,000 to folks above the age of 84. First of all, if you get past the age of 80 these days while living in Kathmandu then you should invite researchers from Harvard to see if these folks have a different type of genes from the rest of us. 

And instead of only doling out cash to our super-senior citizens, why not offer freebies on everything from housing, travel, medical treatment and even recreational and religious activities as well. 

Yes, a free pilgrimage to Vanarasi, Mecca, Jerusalem, the Vatican or Lumbini to our 80-year olds depending on their religious affiliation. Now, that would be great gift to our super men and women! What happens if you are an atheist? Well, send him or her to Disneyland instead!

Why not make our capital city a free WiFi Zone instead of only a few places around town? We know that we will not have well maintained roads or sewage or even drinking water system for another few years but at least give Kathmanduites free WiFi so that they can at least take the pictures of the city and send it to the Mayor himself.  

How about a Selfie right next to a big pothole that looks like a mini-asteriod hit Kathmandu? How about showing our motorbike wallahs riding through big sewage and water pipes laying idle on our roads? 

We could even promote our capital city as a trekking destination because you do need tough boots, walking sticks, ropes and other climbing essentials like helmets and harness just to make sure that you can walk around the city without falling into deathtraps.

So, Mayor Shakya forget about smart city or mono rail or cable car or turning our capital into Seoul.  Just stop procrastinating and get down to business by first cleaning up the city, fixing our potholes, managing our traffic and then making sure pedestrians have a place to walk, our bicycle wallahs have their own lanes and so do the bus wallahs. Maybe, we should even have a separate lane for our motorcycle riders as well. 

We don't need metro rail either. Maybe, our Mayor can even work with our DIG Saheb to minimize the traffic problems in the capital. Why not make all of our roads go one-way and ban vehicles around our heritage sites and major tourist attractions? You don't need to spend billions to make this city clean, green and great.  Our Mayor should not compare himself to the Mayor of other major cities in the world. 

They have enough budget and resources to tackle their problems. We don't and it's about time our Mayor took to the streets and used the kucho to clean an alley every day for at least half an hour and then work as a traffic volunteer during rush hour to help our traffic police for an hour or two. 

Then, he can ask Kathmanduites to help him in his effort to bring Kathmandu back to normal instead of letting our beautiful Kathmandu wither and die! Don't expect us to clean your stubble while you live in a bubble, Mr. Mayor!



Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, September 2, 2017

The Most Powerful Person (MPP)





We all know of our Very Very Irritating Persons (VVIPs) who get free vehicles, security, fuel and chiya kharcha from the State while they continue to loot the state treasury, extort from our civil servants and contractors and continue to exploit the common folks for their own self interest. But our media should start some kind of a ranking system for our most powerful person (MPP) in this land of ours.  So who is the most powerful person in our land? 

We have a President who is our commander in chief of the Army and her job is to cut ribbons, meet foreign dignitaries and enjoy the state perks while doing nothing to make sure that our netas follow the rule of law and resolve the political crisis in the country. 

We have a Prime Monster who goes to India and tells our Modi Bhai that he will do everything possible to amend our constitution as if he alone wrote the constitution and does not need to bring any of our other chors on board to amend it. 

Our bideshi Ambassadors seem to have more power in our land than anywhere in the world.  It seems that they can come to the homes of our so-called top politicians and drink some chiya and either threaten them with no more funds or flatter them with more slush funds for their election campaigns depending on where our netas stand on matters that may help the bideshis!

A year ago, Lokman , the superhero who headed the CIAA was the most powerful person in Nepal. He was busy having fun extorting our civil servants and blackmailing even our corrupt politicians. It was okay to go after our small fishes and sarkari hakim sahebs but in this land, if you touch our politicians then it’s time to go home.  

And in this land of ours, everything has a price. Don’t worry if you are corrupt and the CIAA wallahs find out about your ill-gotten wealth. Just pay the chiya kharcha to the hakim sahebs at the CIAA and you will get a clean chit. If you don’t pay then you will go to jail, your bank accounts and assets will be frozen and your family will have to suffer. 

If you are willing to share the loot then you won’t get the boot and your family can still show off at parties and enjoy the life of luxury. And everybody will forget about how much you looted and things will go back to normal next Dashain. And it seems that some of our corrupt folks would rather go to jail, spend a few years reading newspapers inside the prison and then go home without having to pay back all the ill-gotten wealth except a meager fine. 

Lokman could have been our savior if he had gathered all the evidence against our crooked netas and charged them with corruption but he just wanted to have fun making money for himself and his friends. He didn’t only go after civil servants but also after folks who had written about his character and why it was a disgrace for the country to have a corrupt civil servant heading an anti-corruption agency.  

We must ask our politicians of today why they agreed to appoint such a low-life fool in the first place? So, when our politicians talked about changing the old and giving us something new what they meant was getting rid of the old players and old vehicles while buying new vehicles for themselves and making their new friends and near and dear ones richer at the expense of the public.  

But I guess when it came to Lokman, they wanted him back because he made a deal with the chors on matters we seem to have no clue about.

Our former Chief Justice Sushila Auntie tells us that our civil society groups should unite and fight against the corrupt system instead of trying to kiss the ass of our political parties. Yes, some of us do want to be a Vice-Chancellor at TU or a dean or an Ambassador. 

But I guess most of our so-called intellectuals seem to forget or either ignore the fact that if they continue to be silent and let the corrupt govern us without accountability then one day, they will suffer as well.  

There will come a day when you will end up in gulags and be exiled for speaking about freedom, rule of law and trying to fight against the corrupt system. You will face torture for being an intellectual and only the thieves and murderers will get to enjoy the facilities of the State while the rest of us will just continue to live miserable lives. 

So who is the most powerful person in Nepal right now? It seems that our MD of Nepal Oil Corporation, Gopal Dai is currently ranked number one and he sees no reason of losing his ranking till Dashain. Where on Earth does the corrupt file a defamation suit against our media wallahs for calling a chor a chor? 

Gopal Dai has sought Rs 800 million in damages. We all are wondering how this corrupt hakim sahib has not been investigated by the CIAA yet. It does help when your cousin is heading the CIAA and you are untouchable because you have been offering chiya kharcha to the mantris and our netas all these years. 

It really doesn’t matter to our government when the media investigates  and even finds out about the corruption by our government agencies. The government does not take any action because our mantris are all involved. Even the sons of our politicians seem to be involved in all major deals in this country. It’s good to be the princelings in Nepal.

It’s about time our civil society wallahs woke up from coma and took to the streets and also encourage all of us to join them in the fight against the wild looting by our chors. We all took to the streets to tell our then King to step down and give us back our rights. It’s now time to take to the streets again to tell our mini-Maharajs to either work together to help us all or to pack up and leave.  

Our country will be far better off if three thousand corrupt netas, hakim sahebs and byaparis leave this land for good while we welcome back our three million hardworking folks who are overseas working in miserable conditions just to save a few Dinars for their loved ones.



Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Deuba in Delhi!




King Deuba and our lovely queen is in India having some chai and samosas with the Desi netas and their chamchas while our folks who have been displaced by the floods and landslides across the country have not received much help from our incompetent government.  That's how it works in this land of ours. 

The Thulo Mancheys act like they are cousins of the Sultan of Brunei. At least the Sultant has oil but what do we have? We have nothing except bunch of thieves who agree to disagree on everything except when it comes to sharing the loot and will work together to foil the hopes and aspirations of the Nepali people in any way possible.

It is up to us to fulfill the dreams of our real martyrs who died dreaming of a better tomorrow. It seems that only Dr KC has a dream while the rest of us are too busy living the life without any purpose.  We have seen the Shree Tins leave the building. Well, our grandfathers did but it seems that our government can't even maintain the palaces left by the Ranas and Jangey uncle stares at us from Bhadrakali. If Jangey were alive today, he would be working in the Gulf instead of hatching conspiracies to gain power.

Our incompetent government can't even repair the main gate in Singha Durbar and we expect the chors to rebuild this country. Either we are smoking some illegal substance or we just don’t care until the day our government will come to our homes and loot us all of our belongings as well.

We have seen the Shree Panch give it up as well but now, we have the mini-Maharajas who only lust after power and it doesn't matter to them if millions of us suffer due to their inability to work together for a peaceful and prosperous Nepal.  

It seems that our government today can't even run the state enterprises or the government agencies formed during the times of the Pancheys. Yes, the Shree Tins were bad and the Pancheys were no good either but are our buffoons any better than the chors from yesteryears?  It seems that in this beautiful land of ours, our government continues to honor thieves and murderers and that's okay with us!

Our chor netas are busy dividing this country into little pieces. They think that this country is a birthday cake and it's their birthday everyday! It's not that folks don't make money in this land. We, the common folks make enough to survive while our chor netas, civil servants, contractors and cadres make enough to build mansions in the capital and enjoy the life of luxury. 

Deuba and Modi met for an hour and God knows what they talked about but we all know that Modi didn't understand a word our King Deuba said. Our Prime Monster was probably thinking to himself that he can't really bring Oxford University to Nepal but maybe, he can ask Modi to help him bring one of those IIT schools in our land as well so that our graduates will also be able to compete in the global arena and make six figure salaries in dollars instead of finding no jobs in our land and seeking work below their qualification for a few Dinars more.

India tells us that it provides billions of Rupees to us to help our schools, infrastructure and give pensions to our folks who have served in the Indian Army. Great but why can't the Modi government address the demands of the Indian Nepalis in Darjeeling? 

Yes, the folks in Darjeeling are Indian citizens of Nepali origin and it does not look right if we speak for them when it comes to their internal matters and our Desi bhais should do the same when it comes to our internal  affairs as well. 

The good news is that our Madhesi netas have agreed to participate in all upcoming polls. Our netas from the plains would rather visit the Indian Embassy in Lainchour or some Desi netas across the border for guidance on how to play their game in Nepali politics instead of sitting down with their brothers and sisters in their own land to sort out their differences. 

The RJP-N tells us that it is happy that our government has addressed some of their demands and will now pressure the government further to address the rest of their demands through peaceful protest programs. 

Let us hope that such peaceful protest programs does not include sitting on the border and stopping all traffic again. The RJP-N has decided to use bicycle as its election symbol because the Election Commission (EC) refused umbrella as demanded by the party. Let us hope our folks in Tarai will get free bicycles if the party wins big there. 

When Deuba was our Prime Monster two decades ago, he was just stepping into his 50s and could finish a bottle or two of bideshi raksi. Now, he is a senior citizen and we hear that he has cut down on smoking and drinking but his outburst against those who dared to ask him any questions during one of those TV programs has cast doubt on his mental stability. And we expect such folks to work together to provide political stability in this land of ours!

Deuba may have aged and gone senile but his love for breaking the rules, sharing the loot and abusing his authority have not diminished at all. I guess our King Deuba and all our chor netas could finally quit stealing from the state, the people and the world if they enroll in some kind of a hypnosis program. 

We don't know if it will work but we are willing to give anything a try in hopes that our thieves will repent and will have a change of heart and finally work for the people instead of the bideshi donors and their agents. 

Deuba tells Modi that he will do everything in his power to amend the constitution of our land. Yes, Deuba is good at offering boras of cash and other gift hampers. It might work this time as well but can our Prime Monster also tell Modi that he should do everything in his power to at least help the Gorkha bhai baheno in his own land!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, August 19, 2017

In Government We Don't Trust!




Our incompetent government has decided to release a billion Rupees  from the Prime Minister Disaster Relief Fund to our Home Ministry to help the folks affected by floods and landslides in the country.  

It seems that many of our byaparis, NRNs and other thulo mancheys do contribute to the PM's fund because then they can take pictures with whoever is living in Baluwatar. The picture with the PM will then be hung in their offices to impress, flatter or cheat other potential investors, clients or contractors. That's how it works in this land of hardworking citizens ruled by corrupt chors!

But ordinary folks would rather donate to social organizations they know or to their friends who are carrying out relief works in Terai. I would rather give some money to Dhurmus-Suntali Foundation rather than to our sarkari chors. 

Dhurmus is already in Terai helping the folks there. Dr KC has even postponed his hunger strike for now and will go there to help the folks affected by the floods and landslides. 

Where are our political cadres who come to the valley in thousands to show their strength or get ready to burn taxis at 4 am in the morning during Nepal bandas? It seems that our karykartas only come out of their houses to burn tyres, vehicles and public property but do not want to collect tyres and make them into some kind of rafts, collect funds and relief materials and go to the affected areas to help those in need. 

After all, our political cadres only know how to enjoy free fuel and masu bhat during election campaigns. So it is difficult for folks who are used to freebies to instead help others. Our netas and their cadres only know how to misuse the state funds for their own personal interest and they have yet to realize that the reason they are engaged in politics is to help the people not make money off the people!

But our government never does its homework and every year, it's busy asking for funds from donor agencies and INGOs while preventing its own citizens from carrying out relief works in areas affected by natural disasters. Why is our own government stopping us from helping our brothers and sisters? 

It's because, our sarkari hakims don’t want the common folks to help each other. They want to make sure that they can profit from the relief materials provided by common folks and donor agencies. We know that most of the tents donated by bideshis after the earthquake ended up at the homes of our thulo mancheys. 

Two years later, hundreds of thousands of families are still living in tarps or open spaces. It seems that our chor netas, lazy civil servants and bideshis consultants are happy when we get hit by natural disasters because that's the time to make the most moolah in the name of helping the people!

This is the same government that spends Rs 7 billion for so-called inspection and monitoring of development projects across the country and our contractors are rewarded for not doing their job while we the people lose our lives due to their shoddy works. But it is always hesitant to spend money to help the people affected by natural disasters across the country. 

It does not shy away from providing millions of Rupees in compensation to the folks who lead protest programs and kill security personnel but does not think about the families of those killed by the government or by the protesters.  Let us not hope for justice in this land where justices are appointed based on their political affiliation. Here, justices are bought and if they cannot be bribed then they face impeachment or shown the door.

Our corrupt government tells us that affected families will receive Rs 200,000 while our King Deuba and other thulo mancheys spends millions on helicopter rides to vist the areas hit by the floods and landslides. So far, more than hundred folks have lost their lives and millions have been displaced by the natural disasters across the country. 

A cadre who vandalizes public property and then gets killed during protest programs is declared a martyr and his family is provided a million Rupees as compensation.  Therefore, we should all take membership of a political party, especially, the big three because it will come in handy in times of needs.

As usual, our Prime Monster Deuba is busy directing hakim sahebs to help the affected families and make sure that they receive food and shelter. Our politicians are good at giving out directions. Deuba gave our hakims sahebs two weeks to fill our potholes in the valley and repair our roads. Some of it might have been filled but our roads are still muddy and we all know that our concerned agencies have already stopped doing the repair works because our politicians will only give direction once and really don't care if they are fulfilled or not.

Maybe it's time, our government formed a Civil Defense Force or something similar so that we, the people can train and be part of the rescue and relief missions across the country in times of natural disasters. Yes, we understand that our government lacks resources be it manpower or supplies and it needs a helping hand. 

We, the people are ready to help and we would rather want our sarkari hakims to allow us to help the government to help the people instead of only thinking of ways to preventing us from doing our share to help our brothers and sisters.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Heartless Hoodlums





Every year, hundreds of thousands of families are displaced due to landslides and floods in this country but our incompetent government never takes any initiative to minimize such disasters.  

Either we blame the Gods above or our chimeki for flooding our border areas or the slimy contractors for carrying out shoddy works.  Instead of wasting our time by playing the blame game, why not work on a plan to be better prepared to face the problems in the future? Our scouts seem to be better prepared than our folks in power!

This country can only move forward when our hardworking civil servants and honest politicians finally take the blame and accept responsibility for their own incompetence. Most of us learn from our mistakes and we work to not repeat it again. 

It seems that our government never learns from its mistakes and keeps on repeating it because the people do not have the courage to take a stand and hold our folks in power accountable. Our politicians and civil servants should consider themselves fortunate for having such a passive and submissive populace. Maybe Ganesh Man Bajey was right. Are we all bhedas?

Every year, school children raise funds for the families affected by natural disasters in the country. It seems that we, the people care for our own brothers and sisters than our incompetent government. We seem to have a soul while our corrupt chors have sold their souls to the devil.

Our highways are obstructed every monsoon, lives are lost but our government is silent. Instead our politicians take helicopters to visit affected areas, announce some relief package that is peanuts while they spend millions and even billions on foreign visits, medical treatments overseas and perks and benefits for themselves. 

If our VVIPs were to receive benefits according to the wealth of this country then they would not even get a bicycle. They would have to walk to work or take public transportation like most of us and breathe in the fumes and polluted air as well. 

They would either be living in slums along the Bagmati river without any plumbing and sanitation or would be cursing the landlords in the valley for increasing the house rent by double after the earthquake. But our politicians do not know or choose to ignore the pain and sufferings of the people. And that happens when you live in a bubble and get used to living like Kings.

We are one of the poorest countries in the world but our politicians and civil servants are the richest in the world because they make more through kickbacks, bribes and payoffs. 

Former Amriki President Obama has to work his ass off taking on any speaking engagements out there to make sure that he and his family can continue to maintain the lifestyle they are accustomed to but here in this land of ours, our hakim sahebs and chor netas rake in the moolah while in power and make enough dough to last seven generations. 

It's been more than two years since we got hit by the Big One and our government has forgotten the families affected by the earthquake. The people in the valley have been waiting to shower with the water from Melamchi for decades and we are still waiting. 

It seems that the favorite pastime for our civil servants and politicians is to never meet the deadline and keep on procrastinating while milking the funds meant for the development of this country. 

It seems that our corrupt politicians have the brain to win elections by all means necessary. We all know that our Emperor managed to win in Siraha by a thin margin thanks to his magic tricks. And once again, our Emperor and King Deuba has managed to show us all that they know how to win elections by using all the tricks possible to help our Princess become the Mayor!

Earlier, we had Sujata Auntie and she gave us the 'Lauda' and 'Sudan' scam while her son-in-law probably made billions from his illegal VoIP nataks. Well, Renu didi is only a Mayor and not a mantri but let us all hope that she will do good instead of only making sure that her election expenses are recovered with profit.  

But she will also have to make sure that her Kangaroos allies rake in some moolah as well and the only way to make some money is to ask, sorry, extort from contractors and byaparis. Politics is a dirty game and if you want to be a politician someday, then please visit a psychiatrist and get an evaluation first. Are you a psychopath? Yes. Are you a pathological liar? Yes. Are you a narcissist? Yes. Then welcome to Nepali politics.

Our netas have the brain and brawn to cook up dirty schemes to extort from byaparis, civil servants and contractors but what they seem to lack is a heart to understand the feelings of the common citizens. Do our politicians even have a conscience? 

It seems that they do not know when they are doing something wrong. When will our politicians learn to put themselves in our shoes? How can they continue to loot us all and not feel ashamed at all? What we hoped for were politicians who are willing to do good for this country but so far, we have only gotten parasites who love to enjoy the benefits at the expense of the people!  

Dr KC seems to be the only person in this nation of 30 million people who is willing to sacrifice his life to give us a better tomorrow.  The fight is not only against the medical mafia but the system as well. 

Our country is suffering from cancer. We still have some time left before our cancer spreads everywhere. Do we want to join Dr KC to be a survivor or do we just ignore our suffering and just die without trying?  We, the silent majority continue to remain silent. Isn't it time to take our country back from the clutches of our chors?  


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Gumboots for all!




Our honorable Prime Monster Deuba goes to Chitwan to see for himself if our hardworking contractors are doing their job right along the Narayangadh-Muglin stretch. Whom are we kidding? We all know how our contractors do their job and if it wasn't for their carelessness and tardiness, our folks would not be losing their lives while on our highways and even in our cities!

And somebody should have at least made Deuba aware that leather shoes are not a good choice when walking on hilo-mailo. Just wear a gumboot instead! Why not just give us all gumboots during the monsoon and we won't even care if Deuba's brother-in-law makes millions when securing the contract to provide free gumboots for all Nepalis! 

We are still waiting for the day when our government saves us a few Rupees and at least give us some rebate on the taxes we pay instead of only raising our taxes. When we are all done with the provinces and stuff, don't be surprised if we pay more taxes because then we need to feed our local representatives and our chor netas at the provincial and central level as well.

 More than fifty people have lost their lives along the Narayangadh-Mulin stretch but it seems that our incompetent government is least bothered when ordinary Nepalis lose their lives. If it were some mantri or even a low-life chor who happens to be a member of one of our political parties then the government would have offered millions of Rupees in compensation.  

So if you are a smart Nepali then you should get a membership of one of our major political parties and you can stop paying premiums on your life insurance because the party will make sure you get something even if you get fried when stealing electricity from NEA! 

King Deuba takes a chopper to fly to Chitwan.  Why can't our politicians take a bus like most of us and show us or even act like they do care?  If you ask Deuba this question then his answer would be that he is a VVIP and he has to make sure that he gets back to the capital in a few hours so that he can attend to meetings with his chamchas and fellow netas on how to efficiently and effectively loot the state treasury and also extort from our civil servants, contractors and other con artists.

Deuba like all other politicians receives garlands, khatas and bouquets on arrival from his chamchas.  Either we, the people choose to forget our problems and act like our politicians are great that we must bow before them and offer flowers like we did to our Kings before or we just want to kiss their arse so that one of our cousins will get some thekka-patta or a government job somewhere. 

And Deuba is the king of deals. He may not do what is right for the country but he will certainly do what is right for our politicians and their near and dear ones. In other countries, politicians win votes because the people think they can do better for the country. Here, in this land, politicians continue to be in power as long as they make other evil doers happy. 

Maybe, our politicians could learn a thing or two from the Desis across the border. Instead of receiving bouquets, we should gift our politicians books. It seems that our netas don’t read much because they still have the same mindset they had when they were fighting the 'Panchyati' system. 

We have been a multi-party democracy since the 90s and today, we are a Republic but it seems that our politicians now think that we, the people are the enemies and it is their job to make sure that we suffer and shut up as well. We have gotten rid of a King but we will have to now deal with hundreds of mini-Maharajas and their courtiers. Good luck to all of us!

We should not be cursing and saying bad things about each other in Facebook but if you are a public figure then you should have a thick skin and be able to take criticism as well. Unless, somebody is threatening to physically harm somebody or has stolen stuff or even personal data then our police should look into the matter.

But it seems that we will be missing our 'freedom' of religion, speech and even the right to assembly if we just keep on shutting up and allow our chor netas to continue to do whatever they like.

This country is run by mafias and our slimy contractors have to pay local mundrey gundas affiliated with our political parties to win the government contracts. Then, they have to pay off our civil servants to get the payment for jobs they never complete. 

We have mafias everywhere. Our jagga dalals work with our civil servants to sell government lands to the public. Our transportation wallahs can overcharge us and get away with it. Our byaparis can sell us adulterated food products, fuel and fruits and all they get is a fine of a few thousand Rupees .  

Our civil servants are the ones who need to be held accountable because it is them who have the responsibility to monitor the market and take action against such byaparis but instead take chiya kharcha and allow the byaparis to make more money by cheating consumers.

It seems that what we are missing is accountability and until we hold those in power accountable, we will continue to live miserable lives. Our contractors are not worried even when our brothers and sisters lose their lives due to shoddy construction works, our bus wallahs can run us over and pay a few lakhs and keep on driving and our netas can continue to loot us all while we just smile and offer them bouquets instead of brickbats! 

When it comes to brickbats, I am not advocating the use of real bricks against our corrupt folks but at least, we should be free to voice our opinion and not be arrested for calling a thief a thief!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com