Saturday, December 9, 2017

Are We There Yet?




First of all let us congratulate our government for successfully holding our local, provincial and parliamentary elections. In a week, our Election Commission wallahs will let us know who won and who failed to even get their deposit back.  It seems that most of our so-called top loafers of our major political parties will win from their constituencies. After all, they have lots of money and muscles to help them win the election.

Let us thank our Emperor Prachanda and Maharaja Deuba for doing the right thing even if it meant that their parties would not do well in these elections. Our Emperor showed us all that he can break and forge alliances with his enemies as long as it helps him or his near and dear ones. 

His brief romance with the Kangaroos helped his daughter to be our Mayor. And now his new fling with our United Mundrey Leaders might help him to become our President. 

If our comrades do get the majority then it seems that our national comedian Oli uncle will be our Prime Monster again. Hopefully, if that happens then his dream to give us cooking gas through pipelines and having our own ships will come true. We might also start generating thousands of MW of electricity through wind power. 

But we never know with our Emperor and what his next magic trick will be. He might still want to be our PM and might change partners like the French politicians. And our Maharaja Deuba tells us that his astrologers have told him that he will be our Prime Monster seven times. 

If our fortune tellers are correct then this man will still be our Prime Monster in 2020 and even a decade later. He might even be hanging around Baluwatar when he is like 90!

Yes, most of us think that having a stable government that will govern for five years will finally bring peace and prosperity in this land of ours. But we know that our politicians will fight with each other and engage in backstabbing and taking boras of cash from both domestic and foreign donors to topple their own government. 

Our comrades who promise to unite and rule for the next fifty years will show their true colors in a week. Our politicians are good at breaking up their own parties rather than making up. Let us see how far our bromance between Oli and Prachanda will go. 

The truth is that as long as we have the same bunch of thieves ruling us, not much will change and the naked corruption nataks will continue forever. Our government promises to govern for everyone but at the end of the day, our politicians will work together to help our shady byaparis and contractors and their cadres while the common folks will get nothing.

Our government has yet to appoint any provincial chiefs, have not yet determine where our provincial capitals will be and does not know where they will house the provincial assemblies. So don't be surprised if our provincial lawmakers hang out by the chiya pasal until they know where they will be meeting. 

We only know our provinces by number and it might even take years or might never have the name of our provinces due to disagreement between our provincial lawmakers. You need two-third majority to name a province. 

I think our provincial lawmakers should just come up with a top ten list and then ask us, the voters to vote via SMS so that we can save money on paper, security and other chiya kharcha for our civil servants. SMS fees can also help our provinces to generate some revenue so that it can afford to feed its lawmakers, ministers, chief ministers and chiefs. 

And let us congratulate Deepak Manange Dai for being a provincial lawmaker from Manang.  Yes, we need lots of folks like him to be our lawmakers both in our provinces and at the federal level. After all, when will our dons only work as muscles for our chor netas. 

Everybody has to climb the ladder and we all know that folks like Deepak Dai, Ganesh Lama and other dons have already made the money and they have the muscle and if things go right, then they will be our ministers at the provinces and someday even be a minister at the center as well. 

Even our major political parties have opted to favor criminals and contractors instead of their own loyal political cadres when it comes to handing out tickets. And even our so-called youth leaders of major political parties depend on mundrey gundas to provide security for them. If our politicians think that only money and muscles matter than in a decade or two, we will only have criminals and  shady byaparis running the country. 

Well, they have been doing that for decades but now, we will have them as our lawmakers. We don’t know if we should be happy or sad or ashamed of ourselves. After all, we are the ones who vote for our corrupt clowns, contractors and criminals. 

And when these buffoons win and go to the House, they will only work for the benefit of their donors. That's how it works and we can't do anything about it.

 After all, we live in a democratic country and we need to respect the votes of our own people.  Someday, we will all have the courage to vote with our conscience instead of family, party or social lines and elect folks who will do something for the people and the country instead of only for their cousins and cadres!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, December 2, 2017

The Beginning of the End




We are now closer to finally getting done with elections in our land for a while. If everything goes okay then our government won't have to waste billions of Rupees for the next five years on elections and our netas, contractors and con artists won't have to spend hundreds of billions of Rupees for some time as well. 

But we never know with our politicians. Our chor netas are good at forming and toppling governments for petty reasons or for boras of cash or for their foreign handlers. It seems that most of our so-called top leaders of major political parties will win from their constituencies. 

Yes, elections cost a lot of money and most of the folks who do win and get elected to represent us then get together and make sure that they waste billions more in perks and benefits for themselves. Let us thank our Election Commission wallahs, security agencies and other government offices for making some dough thanks to elections. 

Our EC commissioners now ride around in luxury vehicles. Our security agencies have gotten hundreds of new vehicles and lots of chiya kharcha in the name of security. Our Home Ministry is always happy because they are the ones who gets to make the most dough during elections. 

Most us make fun of King Deuba but he knows how to milk the system better than any other politician in this land. So what, if he just mumbles and fumbles and no one understands his speech or his actions; he just keeps on looting and misusing his power and nobody can touch him!

The second phase of our provincial and parliamentary elections will conclude this week. In a few weeks time, we will have our provincial lawmakers and federal parliament members and they will all work together to make Nepal great. Well, that's what we expect from our lawmakers but we all know that it is just wishful thinking.

We have been led by crooks since we began celebrating 'Democracy Day' in this land.  Our thulo mancheys have been free to loot, boot and shoot the common folks. Our political parties preach us about democracy and yet they are not democratic at all when it comes to running their own parties. 

And we all should feel blessed that our political parties are now showing us all that they no longer believe in their own cadres to win elections. They need mundrey gundas and contractors and their muscles and money. 

Yes, give tickets to criminals and shady byaparis and they will win and help to add the seats for our parties. What can we expect from our state and federal parliaments when most of our lawmakers will be either criminals or contractors who have screwed us all by their shoddy construction works while making money for themselves and our netas?

It took our Maoists a decade of so-called civil war to finally come back from the real jungle to the concrete jungle. We can say the same for our Madhesi netas. It has taken them a decade as well to be some kind of a force, be it good or bad. 

Our grand old party, the Kangaroos has lost touch with the people.  It's hard to believe that it's the same party that had folks like Ganeshman and Kishunji and of course BP and many other netas who really seem to care about the country more than their cousins!  

Even Panchey Prime Monsters like Kriti Nidhi Bista and Marich Man Shrestha deserves at least an ounce of respect even if they were part of an autocratic regime. They had the political courage to take a stand against bidhesis. Look at our netas today. 

Our bideshi ambassadors should be given government medals for having the courage to visit the residences of our chor netas and telling them to either shut up, put up or just take the money and do nothing. Bista did not want a state funeral when he died. Marichman didn’t' get one but our netas since the 90s get freebies when alive and then grand state funeral when dead. Either way, they waste our taxpayers money and we are yet to get netas who will help us save a few Rupees instead!

Bibeksheel Sajha Party should learn a thing or two from our Maoists and Madhesi netas. Well, Rabindra Dai and his friends can't go to the jungle or destroy public property in the name of politics. They can't just walk up to Deuba and hand him a new '40-point' demand either or talk about seceding. Our Maoists have yet to fulfill those demands they wanted  Deuba and then government to fulfill. 

Yes, we are all hypocrites! But what the BiSa party can do is give themselves at least a decade or two to be a major force in this country.  If they went underground and started the usual blasting and looting nataks then they might get there sooner given the track records of our political parties but of course the BiSa wallahs are very gentle folks and they are more than likely to get a few PR seats here and there but it will be difficult to win the first-past-the-post natak this time. 

Why? Because we have lots of chors with their illegal money making sure that good, honest folks not get a chance! 

Most of our political parties promise us everything. We will have thousands of MW electricity. We will all be making at least ten thousand dollars a year in our own land in a decade. But how come we are yet to hear from any political parties about vegetables prices. 

Somebody promise us a free bora of onions or at least free electricity once we have the capacity to generate thousands of MW electricity. Promise us the small stuff first. Free clean drinking water and better sanitation system. Better roads, less pollution, affordable education, healthcare, housing and food.  We don't want to go to Mars yet. 

We just want to go to Maitighar without breathing in poisonous fumes and dust. We want to buy vegetables at affordable prices and not sell our mothers' jewelry to be able to buy food. 

We don't want the mafia running our medical schools and private hospitals and private schools making it difficult for us. We want our government back but it has been hijacked by mundreys and crooks.  And what do you expect when you have to many cooks running the show?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Game of Thrones!




If the creators of Game of Thrones were to visit Nepal then they would probably have enough material to last another ten seasons.  Yes, we have all the alliances, conspiracies and all the masala needed for a successful TV series thanks to our chor netas and their political nataks! 

Maybe, our netas should quit politics and join the entertainment industry as writers while our 'real' writers can join politics and give us something new instead.  It’s also about time our 'real' comedians opened a political party. Maybe, we should have a 'Chakka Panja' party in this land and we can vote for our funny men and women instead of the usual blood sucking parasites.

It’s about time our politicians stopped lying to us and instead throw away their masks and be honest with the people. Please do not talk about eliminating corruption once and for all. We all know that the whole system is corrupt. We now need politicians who will promise to steal a few Rupees less and instead give back the extra Rupee back to his or her constituency. 

Our politicians need our shady byaparis, slimy contractors, stinky civil servants to bring in the dough so that they can fight elections and get the opportunity to loot the state funds for their own personal benefits. Please do not blame the bideshis for our problems. 

It is because of our lazy civil servants who never do their homework and our spineless politicians who do not have the courage to take a stand which is why bideshis continue to roll over us and tell us what's right for our country.  We have no one but to blame our netas for all the problems in this land. 

Our so-called top byaparis evade taxes. Our tax department takes chiya kharcha to look the other way. Our hakim sahebs then use the chiya kharcha to pay our netas so that they can continue to stay in the same office and rake in more moolah. 

It's sad to know that most of our hakim sahebs are in the position of power due to offering boras of cash to the ministers and so-called top leaders of our major political parties. 

It seems that everybody wants to be a politician these days not because they want to do something for their constituency but instead use their influence to get funds from the state and use it for their self interest. No wonder, our netas use all the money and muscles to win elections. 

We are now ready for the first phase of our provincial and parliamentary elections. Our Meowists have once again surprised us all by changing their partner. This time, it's all about sharing the love with other comrades whereas our Kangaroos now want to be friends with whoever are not friends with the communists!  

Our Doctor Saheb has decided to be friends with the Kangaroos instead of joining the 'Commie' bandwagon.  Maybe,we the people should learn a thing or two from our politicians when it comes to forging alliances and breaking it off when your interest is not fulfilled. 

In the past seventy years, this country has seen it all.  We went from the hundred-year rule of our Rana uncles to getting the House of Shah back on the road with Mandaleys having all the fun. We saw our morons whom we thought would change this country but they turn out to be more corrupt than the mandaleys. Our Meowists and Madhesi netas turned out to be the same as the previous pickpockets.  

We have to thank our Kangaroos for introducing nepotism to its fullest in our bureaucracy and throwing meritocracy out the window. We should thank the other parties for taking turns to be coalition partners in successive governments so that they could all get a piece of the loot. 

Maharaja Deuba as usual is not interested in anything except making as much as dough as possible. Now wonder, our Saala Saheb sits at the Finance Ministry and makes decisions so that their near and dear ones can get some dough.
Our security agencies also seem to be more interested to make some dough in the name of security. And our top security officers will then have to pay off our netas to get promotions and lucrative postings. 

Our Kangaroos tell us that we should not vote for the comrades because if they win then we will have to deal with fifty years of doom and gloom. Well, we gave our Kangaroos the right to govern us when they won the majority during the first parliamentary election after the 90s but then they screwed us all by forming coalition government with the same mandaleys and even breaking up and back-stabbing each other to topple one's own government. 

Once we will have our provincial governments, we will have more problems because where are we going to get the dough to feed five hundred and fifty loafers? And we will have our mini-Presidents for our provinces. And let's not even talk about our federal parliament members and the Upper House members.  Our incompetent government has no choice but to raise our taxes to feed our poor, starving politicians. 

Our netas need our bhais in Delhi to work out a plan on how to rule this country. Yes, Delhi has been helping out since the 50s.  The House of Shah has to thank Delhi for helping them out then. Our Morons, Mewoist and Madhesi netas have to thank Delhi for helping them out as well over the years as well.

Maybe, one day, we, the people will have the courage to kick all the clowns out of the country and for a country like ours we might be better off if we go 'Swiss' with direct democracy instead of the so-called representative one where corrupt fools win elections.

Yes, let's have seven heads of our provinces running the show like the Swiss.  Yes, let us not go for the British model or the Amriki 'President' formula. Neither will work in this land. What we need is direct democracy so that we, the common folks will finally have opportunity to take part in decision-making and also be able to challenge any law passed by our nincompoops! 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Follow The Money!




Our Election Commission (EC) wallahs tell our political parties to follow the election code of conduct but as always, our chors know only how to break the rules and not worry about it because they can get away with it.  

We maybe one of the poorest countries in the world but it seems that our netas have enough dough to hire choppers and spend like they are one of the cousins of the Saudi King. But the Saudis have oil for now. What do we have? Well, we the people have boils listening to our politicians making promises they will never fulfill.

And it seems that some folks do want to foil the election campaigns of some of our netas by throwing stones and using home-made firecrackers. Let us hope that our candidates will be provided police security. Sorry, most of them already have tons of security thanks to their stint as our ministers and they still worry about security. 

And our candidates will be spending more this time around because we now have slimy contractors and shady byaparis standing up for elections thanks to our major political parties who have given them the tickets. We even have criminals standing up for elections. So what does that teach us? Well, if you have the dough you can buy our politicians and someday even this country because our lawmakers will not hesitate to sell it to the highest bidder if they get the chance. 

Yes, this is the only land on earth where our politicians rarely get punished for their misdeeds. And even if a few of them do go to jail then it's only for a year or two and a fine of a few Karods when they have looted hundred times more. Even our civil servants are not ashamed when they are arrested and accused of embezzling hundreds of Karods. 

These hakim sahebs know very well that they will spend a few years in jail and then everything will be back to normal because they have already stashed their ill-gotten wealth somewhere or in the name of their father-in-law's cousin.  And why do you need to be afraid of the people when you have already paid off millions of Rupees in chiya kharcha to our chor netas?  

And when it comes to campaign finances, our political parties never tell the EC or the people where they get their funds from and it seems that the EC does not have the courage to take any action against our major political parties at all.  We all know that our political parties receive funds from both domestic and foreign donors. 

Our bideshi Embassies do offer them tons of cash during elections. We have mostly byaparis who have no choice but to offer our politicians boras of cash because they have been evading taxes and would want to be on the safe side when our chors are in power. 

The EC tells our candidates that they can't spend more than 25 lakhs if they are standing up for election to be our member of the parliament. But we all know that you need to spend a few Karods and more if you really want to win. 

I think our government officials should stop acting like they don’t know the price of the vegetables in the market today. Or maybe their calculators are all broken or they don't know how to use Excel. Please do the math! You cannot stand up for election to be our MP and expect to win by spending only 25 lakhs. We hear that our Emperor spent more than fifty Karods to make sure that our first daughter became our Mayor in Chitwan. So where does all the money come from?  

The EC tells our chor netas that anyone who wants to donate more than five thousand Rupees to our clowns has to do so by using the banking channels. But our donors don’t want the world to know that they donated some money to our politicians. Our byaparis would rather donate to all the major parties because he or she has to be in the good books or face harassment later by our tax departments and other government agencies.  And the tax department officials will then work out a deal to make sure that the byaparis pay less taxes while the kickbacks go all the way to our netas.

We all know that our political parties ask our fake VAT-bill byaparis, contractors and even civil servants to donate voluntarily during elections. After all, you need money to publish phamplets, distribute caps and t-shirts, hire taxis and vehicles and loudspeakers and what not. And you need the money to hire mundrey gundas and pay for their fuel and chiya kharcha as well. 

Mundrey gundas might not work in urban areas but in most of our rural areas, you need muscles and money to make sure that folks there vote for you. Either you offer your voters masu and raksi or use the muscles to threaten them whichever works to win you the votes to be our MPs.  

We have nothing to be excited about and we know very well that our lives will not change for better even after we elect our chors in our provinces and for our federal parliament as well. Most of them will be the same crooks who have been robbing us blind. 

We will have new faces, the byaparis and mundrey dons who will now get to evade taxes freely and extort others. Do we really think our independent and the 'new' political parties stand a chance against our blood-sucking parasites? Nope but let us wish them good luck and hope they will at least become a national party.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Fake Manifestos!




Our circus companies have once again come up with their election manifestos to let us know that they will promise us everything and deliver nothing. I think our political parties and our chor netas are lucky to be born in Nepal because they can say whatever they want and get away with it. 

The only person in the West who act like our netas is the Amriki President Trump. And King Deuba should summon the Amriki Ambassador to his residence and ask why Emperor Trump didn’t want to visit Nepal. Let's hope our politicians will also return the snub and not visit Amrika until a new resident moves into the White House. 

But our politicians are a different lot. They might just quit politics and move to Amrika if they get that DV thing! Yes, not all of our politicians make money. It's only the few hundred who have all the fun while the rest of the toley and jilla netas are a hungry lot who dream of amassing millions someday but until then, it’s all about making sure that the top leaders' spouses are happy and they will do something to give the tickets to stand up for elections. Yes, at the end of the day, it's the aunties who hold the 'real' power!

It seems that  we, the people of Nepal are the most passive, submissive and compliant folks on this planet. Yes, we don't care about corruption and misuse of authority by our thulo mancheys. It seems that a few thousand evil chors have banded together to loot us all and millions of us, Nepalis do not have the courage to fight the system and kick these thousand chors out of the country! 

There is only one person in this beautiful land of ours who wants to get into a ring against the mafia running this country but he seems to be all alone. Where are our so-called intellectuals, so-called civil society leaders and the people?  Taking to the streets and lighting candles will not be enough. We are fighting against folks who seem to be more cruel and oppressive than all the previous regimes combined! 

Our corrupt government and chor netas want to see the doctor dead so that they can all have fun minting money by opening medical schools in every neighborhood in the country.  Our netas and their spouses go to Bangkok to seek medical treatment at the expense of our taxpayers' money and they are not ashamed of it all. 

I think we should have a law that bars our politicians and their near and dear ones from using state funds to seek medical treatment abroad. You can spend your own ill-gotten money to go to Amrika but don't loot the state treasury to take your family for a vacation to Disneyland.

But our netas and hakim sahebs are not only greedy but they seem to be frugal when it comes to spending their own ill-gotten riches but will go all out to misuse the state funds. Yes, they always seem to forget to return the state vehicles once they are out of power.  

And our top leaders continue to drive around in luxury vehicles and they demand other perks as if the government is their father-in-law. Yes, most of our top netas do not own much property or have much cash in the bank. 

It's their spouses who own everything and most of it were gifted to them by their rich fathers. Yes, it seems that most of our netas, especially the communist ones did marry daughters of rich feudal landlords!

I think our political parties should not waste their time to come up with stupid policies and plans to make this nation great again. And please don't waste money on publishing hawa-taari manifestos and littering our streets!

Aren't we tried of the same old promises that will never be fulfilled? A decade ago, our major political parties promised us ten, twenty and even forty thousand MW of electricity. I think we have managed to add a few hundred to our national grid so far and we have ended load shedding by buying electricity from the Desis! 

Our comrades have promised to make this land wealthy in a decade. Yes, we will be making at least 5,000 US$ each if we believe them. Our netas make millions of dollars each year. If they gave it back to the people then we could all have at least a few thousand dollars in the bank not in a decade but in a week or two.

As usual, our Kangaroos and the comrades promise us peace, stability and prosperity. They promise us millions of jobs, highways connecting our hills and the plains, billions of dollars to be invested in our infrastructure and what not.

At the end of the day, our netas will continue to get their paychecks, perks and their near and dear ones will get the government contracts. The only folks who will be prosperous in this land are the thulo mancheys and their families. Not much has changed in the past two hundred years.  

The people will always remain poor. Seventy years ago, our villages were left with only women and children because most of the young lands and able men went to fight against the Germans and the Japanese so that they could make a few pounds while the thulo mancheys then made a fortune for sending hundreds of thousands of Nepali men to fight for the British Empire. 

Today, our villages are once again left with only women and children while manpower thugs make a fortune by sending millions of our young men and now even women to foreign lands where they surrender to the abuse, exploitation and deplorable living conditions in the Middle East.  

And our manpower thugs do pay off our mundrey gundas, hakim sahebs and chor netas! I think it's about time our political parties stop pretending that they are here to make this country great. Our netas and their chamchas are here to break this country apart and loot us all until there is nothing left to steal.


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Let the Scumbags Rule!




Our chor netas, mundrey gundas and former civil servants are all busy getting ready for upcoming provincial and parliamentary elections in this country whereas the people just want to get done with the polls so that they can get back to the usual whining and ranting against our lawbreakers while the chors can go back to the usual 'looting game'. Let us just do what we know best and leave it to the evil doers to screw us all! 

Yes, not much will change in this country for the common folks. But for our con-artists, Christmas will come early as they get to enjoy the perks of being our lawmakers in the provinces and the House before the end of the Angrezi New Year! And for us, it will be just another goodbye to another year gone by without any progress in anything in this land of ours!  

Let us all feel sorry for the honest folks who have filed nominations to contest the upcoming elections in this land. We all know that they are not going to win at all. We have already seen from our local level elections that byaparis, mundrey gundas and the same old chors still have the money and muscles to win elections in this land. 

We, the people are still not ready to be ruled by hardworking, honest and helpful hobbits. We still want to be ruled by corrupt, callous and cold-hearted chors who have only served themselves instead of serving the folks who elected them!

We all know that our Maharaja Deuba will win from Dadeldhura again and most of our so-called top leaders of our circus companies will more than likely win as well. After all, our corrupt crooks use all the money and muscles they have to make sure that they are elected. 

And you can always find ways to recover your election expenses once you become a lawmaker in this country. There will be governments to topple, governments to form and at the end of the day, you need votes in the House as well to be able to siphon off the state treasury and raise your own salaries, perks and other chiya kharcha. 

We just got done feeding six hundred clowns for almost a decade and now we will have to be ready to feed more than eight hundred clowns both in our provinces and the federal parliament. We will have more than 275 loafers in the House and then we will have 59 snobs at the Upper House. And let us not even get started with our 550 provincial pickpockets.  

Our government can't even repair our roads or provide us clean drinking water, sanitation and other basic services but it seems to have enough funds to pay our clowns at the local, provincial and federal levels. 

We thought we would be getting our convention center back but it seems that we will have to do with the old Bhrikuti Mandap Exhibition Hall forever. Maybe, we should just ask the Chinese to build a new parliament building to house our eggheads and maybe we can finally take our families to the Birendra International Convention Center once again.

And if it wasn't enough, we will have to spend billions more as we have to provide housing, vehicles, security and chiya kharcha to our Chief Ministers and his or her ministers in our provinces. It's a great Loot-Tantra for our good for nothing pickpockets.

Our Emperor Prachanda wants to make it big from Chitwan. The last time around, he got thrashed in Kirtipur and nearly lost in Siraha. This time, he did his best by going to bed with the Kangaroos to make sure that our first daughter became our Mayor there and now he is in love with Oli and the other comrades. 

Our Emperor is confident that our communists will get the majority and will rule Nepal for five years without any backstabbing or kickbacks to topple the 'Commie' Rule in Nepal! But we should never underestimate our Kangaroos and especially Maharaja Deuba. 

This guy doesn’t care about the constitution or the Election Commission or the media or the people. If he had his way, he would have appointed all our former Constipated Assembly members ministers so that they could all get a vehicle, security and a little bit more chiya kharcha till the end of this month!

Gyanu Uncle should have formed his own political party and stood up for election from Kathmandu. But I guess, our former King doesn't want to be like the Indian Royals. Kamal Thapa is milking it so far but it's about time Gyanu Uncle also stood up for election as well and who knows, be our Chief Minister here in the so-called province #3 And he can once again do his thing at our jatras in the valley! 

After all, even Ganesh Lama, an honest byapari from Kavre is standing up for election as a Kangaroo. Well, that was bound to happen as our uncle Bijaya Gaddaar came back home to be a Kangaroo again.  

This country is really going to hell when scumbags stand up for elections and nobody is worried about it. We all talk about the House of Shah and then Crown Prince and his nataks but what about our new 'princelings' who carry unlicensed firearms and are all engaged in thekka-pattas today?  It's still the same system and the players may have changed but the coaches remain the same!

And our former DIG saheb who would have been our IGP if King Deuba had not played his 'game' is now standing up for election from Lalitpur. Yes, and if our comrades do win the majority in the federal parliament then don't be surprised if Prime Monster Bam Dev Gautam decides to appoint Silwal Dai as our Home Minister. 

But of course, if the UML wallahs get Baluwatar than our Emperor would want the Home Ministry but everything is possible in Nepali politics where ideologies take a back seat and it's about ego and money! Who wants to watch Amriki TV series or even the 'Desi' serials when our own 'real' politics has more masala than Trump's antics or Modi's magic tricks? 



Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Gunda-Tantra!




We celebrate a lot of 'diwas' in this beautiful land of ours. We have the Prajatantra, Lokatantra, Ganatantra and many more 'diwas' to celebrate everyone as well. We celebrate the day, our Shree Tins left the building. But instead we just had another autocratic ruler and his descendents who had all the fun. 

What did the Shree Tins give us? Nothing but they did build thousand-room palaces for themselves and later, our government used them to house our ministries and other government offices. 

Well, then the Big One hit us and our incompetent government have not begun repairing any of the damaged Rana palaces at all. Instead, they want to demolish most of them and build new buildings so that our netas, civil servants and contractors can make some dough. 

We celebrate the day our Shree Paanch left the building but instead, we now have hundreds of mini-maharajas who are having all the fun. Yes, we had one person ruling the country with the help of mandaleys. They did their best to hold on to their 'panchey' formula but it just failed after three decades of cutting down our forests and exploiting our resources to keep the system alive. 

Then, our late King Birendra decided to give multi-party democracy a chance. We saw our netas, from Girija Babu to others, who showed up in Kathmandu, skinny and wearing old soggy clothes. In a decade ,their cheeks were rosy and their near and dear ones made more money than what the Pancheys could dream of.  We have no one to blame but our 'democratic' leaders for destroying our state enterprises. Wouldn't it be cool to go around the city in our trolley buses?

Our Sajha buses used to be go all over the country then. Our national carrier used to fly to Tokyo, London, Frankfurt and if all had gone well, it would be flying to New York as well. 

Whatever happened to our brick, paper, tyre factories in the country? It seems that our 'new' netas were surprised that they would be given the chance to govern so easily. And then they forgot how much they had sacrificed over the years to fight the 'Panchey' system.  Instead, our Kangaroos destroyed our state enterprises, gave us a bloated and weak bureaucracy and engaged in massive corruption which must have even surprised the souls of the Shree Tins wandering around the valley. 

We though our mandaleys would go away but we were wrong as usual. Instead, the pancheys even became our Prime Monsters as our political parties needed help to form and topple governments. Then, we had our comrades and their 40-point demands. Yes, it was the same guy who now lives in Baluwatar who was having all the fun then as well. 

We had ten years of so-called civil war and thousands were killed by both our comrades and the security forces but what did we get? We got nothing. Our comrades were expecting less than a dozen seats but they were shocked when they became the largest party in this land during the first Constipated Assembly elections. Like our Kangaroos during the 90s, our comrades also forgot their sacrifices and instead engaged in corruption at all levels. 

Today,  Baidya Ba is at least right for once when he tells us that our comrades are not communists. Like most of our politicians in this land, they are opportunists and they have become a part of the system they had earlier sworn to break apart and make a 'New Nepal' for you and me. 

Instead, our comrades are the new 'Pancheys'. They will be a part of the coalition governments of tomorrow again and again and will get to be mini-sinisters and Prime Monsters as well. Don't be surprised when our mandaleys get the top kurchi too. Yes, folks like Kamal Thapa and Deepak Bohara continue to be mantris in 'New Nepal' and nobody is worried. 

One day, Kamal Dai will be our Prime Monster too because our so-called democratic netas would rather make deals with the 'old' chors so that all chors can continue to loot us all and have all the fun.

And now, thanks to our political parties, we can officially celebrate 'Gunda-Tantra Diwas' as well. We have seen our byaparis pay big bucks to be our lawmakers but now we are witnessing a new era of Nepali politics where mundrey gundas and so-called Dons finally come out and become politicians for good. 

Yes, everyone has to climb up the ladder and when it comes to politics, it's about time our mundrey gundas aim higher instead of just flexing their muscles for our netas. 

We have seen our political parties use folks like 'Chari' and 'Ghaitey' for their own self interest and when they were getting too big for their boots, they were shot dead by our brave police wallahs. Yes, our cops call it 'encounter' but everyone knows the real story. Our mundrey gundas are involved in abduction, extortion, loan sharking and other criminal activities. 

Our politicians need them because our mundreys can provide them muscles as well as money. And it would be a little difficult for our cops to shoot you if you are an elected member of our provincial assembly or the federal parliament. But would our cops have the courage to kill our politically affiliated criminals without the approval of our netas? Now that is the question!

We talk about our beautiful country going down the drain but now, it's all over. The country is already in the gutter. The Shree Tins lasted a little over hundred years. Our Pancheys played their music for three decades and time has come for the so-called 'Democratic' netas to step aside. 'Gunda-Tantra' is here. 

In this land of ours, folks like Dr KC are called crazy and needs to be jailed for trying to prevent our netas and byaparis from making some dough. Let us all welcome our dons and pickpockets to politics. 

We have no one to blame but us for staying quiet, for not taking a stand and for not having the courage to fight against our chors because we are more worried about a few Rupees while these buffoons loot billions from all of us. Gunda-Tantra Jindabad!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com 

Saturday, October 14, 2017

No More Constipation!




We are done with our local elections and as usual, it was the crooks and the corrupt who managed to win big with their muscles and money. It seems that we, the people are still not ready to elect honest, hardworking folks to represent us. 

We just want to be safe with the same old thieves from the same old corrupt political parties because most of us do want to make sure that we have people who will waste our taxpayers' money on chiya kharcha to near and dear ones instead of having someone who will work to save us a few Rupees.

We thought our local representatives were going to be a different lot, better than the usual bunch of pickpockets who are our Constipated Assembly (CA) members but they seem to be more greedy than our lawmakers. Our Mayors want to ride around in luxury vehicles that will cost us more than a Karod. Our ward chairperson want smart phones and other perks. 

The Mayor of Kathmandu has failed us miserably. He can't even clear the garbage from the streets of Kathmandu and yet he dreams of making our capital a smart city with all the metro rail and what not.

Maybe, we just need to make our capital, a walking city and instead of giving preference to vehicles, let us give priority to our pedestrians and promote cycling. We will be a lot fitter and we will save billions in fuel and even medical cost as we might at least be able to minimize pollution inside the valley to some extent.

We now look forward to our provincial elections at the end of November and then we will have to elect our chors who will represent us in the parliament on the first week of December. Why can't we have both of the elections on the same day instead? 

Our Election Commissioners are more interested to ride around in luxury vehicles and waste hundreds of millions of Rupees for their own benefit instead of saving the government a few Rupees. It seems that every hakim saheb and neta just want to find ways to waste money from the national coffer. 

I think we need someone who is a saver who can save this country, save our economy, save us a few Rupees and save the game of politics before it becomes a playground for only murderers, kidnappers, robbers and mundrey gundas.

Our Constipated Assembly wasted billions and billions of Rupees to feed our hungry, starving lawmakers for nearly a decade. And what did we get so far? We got nothing but a half-baked constitution which once again happens to be the best in the world. 

Our CA will cease to exist but we can't be happy that we will save billions of Rupees because now, we will spend even more when we finally get our Chief Ministers and his or her courtiers in our provinces. Then we will have to feed our Prime Monster and his mini-sinisters at the federal level as well.

Our Mayors want vehicles worth more than a Karod. Now, a Chief Minister would want something more luxurious and expensive than what a Mayor is driving around in. So, let's get him or her a Range Rover. Yes, we should keep the status of our VVIPs in mind. 

If we checked our nation's bank accounts then we would not be able to afford even a cycle but who cares about balancing the books? So, let us not hurt the dignity of the office of the Chief Minister. And our provincial ministers will need a nice ride as well. Our provincial Houses will have as much members combined as we had in our Constipated Assembly. All lawmakers there will need a nice paycheck, chiya kharcha and other perks.

Then, we move up to the federal level, where we will have 275 eggheads at the Lower House and 59 snobs at the Upper House.  Do we really need to have PR seats? We have seen how our corrupt political parties sell their PR quotas to byaparis and other con artists for Karods of Rupees. 

It would be nice if the PR seats had a eligibility requirements like at least have a Masters degree and have held a job for at least five years in their life or if you are a byapari then your audit report of your business should be updated and not be in the black list as someone who has not paid his or her bank loans for years.

We cannot change this system by just writing about it. Our media has been doing a good job writing about corruption, abuse of authority and what not. Our incompetent government fires Gopal Khadka and the Supreme Court reinstates him at his old job because our government failed to follow due process. 

Maybe, our government should also look the other way and act like it didn't get the Supreme Court's directive like they have been doing for those who have been found guilty of murder and are yet to be arrested by our government. But Gopal Khadka will continue to find ways to make millions for himself, our netas and other government officials.

Our politicians and civil servants really don't care if you call them names, shame them or protest against them on the streets. They have turned out to be much worse than the all the previous regimes combined when it comes to showing at least an ounce of empathy for the people.  

Where are we heading? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? The answer is a big No!  Our politicians would rather make a quick buck and will not hesitate to sell this country to the highest bidder. This is what happens when traitors run the country while patriots have to run out of the country in hopes of making a few Dinars more.




Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, October 7, 2017

All Communists Unite!




Let us hope all of us had a wonderful  Dashain and we will have a good Tihar as well. It's hard for most of us to manage our budget during the festive season.  It seems that most of us consume more masu in a week than we do in a year.

It's about time we think about going vegetarian during Dashain not only to cut down family expenses but to also make sure that we are eating healthy instead of gorging on masu and fatty and fried stuff!

It would be better if we just combined Dashain and Tihar and made it a week-long holiday instead of spending twice in less than a month and going broke.  

We are still waiting for the day when our government will finally realize that people matters most and will be more than happy to provide us at least a few kilos of meat for free to each family or some veggies if you are a vegetarian during festive season.  

But for now, only our VVIPs receive a few hundred liters of petrol for their free vehicles. We will know that we have made it when we get the same perks as our VVIPs in the future. That day will come when folks like Dr KC head our government instead of the same bunch of pickpockets who have been playing politics for the past three decades.

Well, our netas and hakim sahebs don't have to worry much because this is the time they get free raksis, free khasis and boras of cash from fake-VAT bill byaparis, shady contractors and other con artists. And what about the rest of us? Well, we have to ask for loans from near and dear ones and even ask for credit from liquor and meat shops in one's neighborhood to manage the festive season!

It seems that our communist netas were busy playing politics while the Kangaroos and the other folks were busy playing cards and drinking tons of whiseky this Dashain.  Our United Mundrey Leaders, the Meowist and Dr Saheb and his 'New Power' wallahs now tell us that they plan to form an alliance to contest the provincial and federal parliamentary elections and hopefully unite and be part of a one big communist party in this country.  

And our Kangaroos plan to form an alliance with other Madhesi parties and the former Pancheys just to make sure that the communists don't take over and have all the fun!

If we do have a one big communist party by next year then we will have five former Prime Monsters in the same party. Then our clowns will fight amongst themselves to be the Chairperson. And if our communist do manage to win the majority then our Bam Dev uncle will certainly be our Prime Monster. After all, he is the one who is running around trying to get all comrades on board. 

It seems that Dr Saheb has realized that his 'new power' stuff didn't have any buyers. Our Emperor knows very well that his party will just be another third or fourth party in town and the only way to make some dough would be to join another coalition government, bag a few ministries and make a few Rupees and that’s about it.  

Oli knows very well that his party alone cannot win any majority and it would be better to bring the Meowist on board and not worry about our Emperor making deals left and right. But the question is how will all of our comrades get along?

We all know that our communists are not that good at staying together. Well, let us not only blame our commies. Most of our political parties have factions within and they battle it out to get tickets for the elections or have their own near and dear one as ambassadors, justices and hakim sahebs. The Kangaroos did split once and so did our UML. 

The Meowist could  have been a lot stronger if they had stayed together but Baidya Ba had other ideas and Dr Saheb thought he could start a new party. Our Madhesi parties are good at breaking up as well. So let us not have high hopes on our comrades staying together for long either.

So the comrades will be on the left and our Kangroos and their friends will head the right. But who will be at the center and find the middle path to peace and prosperity for this land of ours. 

We all know that our political parties are the most corrupt in this land and it is because of the that our civil servants would rather offer boras of cash to the netas for promotions and lucrative postings instead of  facing the corrupt clowns and telling them to take a hike. No wonder, our shady contractors can carry out shoddy works and get away with it. 

Do we need two big parties in this country to take turns looting us all or do we, the people form a new political party to battle the left and the right? We have seen enough of the communists and socialists. These clowns have shown us that they do not care for the people and only want to exploit them to make some moolah.

Maybe, what Nepal needs for now is a capitalist party for a change. Yes, it's about time Binod Chaudhary and his fellow 'Udhyogpatis' fund a new party that advocates free market economy, transparency and accountability not only on paper but in action as well. 

Yes, Mr Chaudhary , you have done pretty well selling Wai Wais.. why not start your own political party and we can say 'Bye Byes' to our chors. We can even come up with a new slogan, "Hami Timi Lai Wai Wai, Yee Chor haru lai Bye Bye!'…. and no MSG please!



Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com