Saturday, June 17, 2017

Postpone till Eternity





King Deuba has been our Prime Monster for more than a week and he has not moved to Baluwatar yet.  This man seems to be totally dependent on his astrologers when it comes to making any decisions in his life. Maybe we should just ask one of his guru to shift to Baluwatar and run this country. It could save us a whole lot of our taxpayers money. 

I hope Deuba has not been seeking advice from the same astrologers from the time when he was fired by Gyanu Uncle for being incompetent and not holding elections then. But Deuba has nothing to worry about because nobody is going to fire him this time. 

Deuba really believes in Vastu stuff and some of us do as well but maybe he forgets that he is once again our Prime Monster and his decisions will make or break this country.

Our politicians seem to have no idea about the costs related to holding elections. Instead of carrying out the local elections at the same time, our Emperor decided that it would be best if we did it in two phases. Well, that was fine but now King Deuba does not know how to move forward.

Our incompetent government tells us that the local elections in three provinces will be held on June 28 while we will have local elections in Province 2 on September 18th. Once again, Deuba's astrologers seem to have been busy doing their math and coming up with the auspicious dates instead of asking experts, security chiefs and civil servants for advice on how to wrap up our local elections.

The Election Commission (EC) wallahs have already told our Prime Monster that it is not good idea to postpone local elections again. But our politicians only have ears for contractors, con artists and cadres while civil servants only have their say if they are able to provide kickbacks to our netas. 

We all know that the second phase of the local elections will face problems and our Home Ministry has to be fully prepared to make sure that they are able to contain any volatile situations. 

And we will probably witness vandalism and tearing up the ballot papers in many of the places during the second phase. Yes, thank you comrades for inspiring losers to tear up the ballot papers! 

And our Madhesi netas are not happy with the government's decision to postpone the local elections in Province 2 either. They just want the government to amend the constitution and will not participate in the local elections until that happens. 

So, what will Deuba do on September 18th? He will have no choice but to postpone again and again till he once again proves himself to be an incompetent  moron!

So how do we make those opposing the local elections in Province 2 happy? Well, Deuba is a player and he knows the system very well. He should now work hard to make sure he gets all the funds from our byaparis, foreign embassies and other con artists. Yes, buy our opposing players  out! After all, Deuba is good at it. Offer them not boras but truck-load full of cash or buy them apartments in the West for their kids! 

Our ruling coalition tells us that they have no choice but to defer the poll so that they can bring the opposing parties on board and help end the Madhes crisis. We all know that most of the Madhesi netas who are opposed to the local polls are the ones who could not win during the CA elections last time around. 

And they know very well that they are not likely to win this time either but they too have no choice but to act like they are fighting for the rights of the Madhesi people just to save face. 

The reality is these chors have done nothing for Madhes when they were in power except misuse their authority, earn ill-gotten wealth and slap a few civil servants around for not providing them government vehicles when visiting their districts. Well, let us not blame only our Madhesi parties? Our other chors are the same and who really cares about the people anyway?

The Rastriya Janata Party tells us that they will do everything possible to obstruct the elections in the three provinces if the constitution is not amended. 

Well, we have yet to thank them for the blockade last year. We should also thank our government for not filing cases against those involved in murdering our police personnel in Tikapur. Yes, it seems that only lives of our politicians and their cadres matter in this land of ours and for the rest of us, we do not even exist at all!

King Deuba has promised us that he will be the man to wrap up the elections natak. Now, it seems that this buffoon can't even hold the second phase of the local elections on time and how can we be certain that his government will be able to conduct the provincial and parliamentary elections on time?  

Deuba will make a bundle this time again. He really doesn't care about elections at all. He is not worried about his legacy and how history will judge him. Our politicians' motto must be 'loot while you can' because you never know when you will get the chance again to sit on the Kurchi.  

Maybe, we should just request Deuba's astrologers to forget about the stars and the moons. Just tell the Prime Monster to do the right thing for once so that we can forgive him for all his screw-ups in the past two decades that has brought this country to  where it is today.  Deuba, be a giver not a taker! Deuba, be a brave lion not a leech! May Arzoo Didi help us all!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Sheroo Returns!





Our country's most competent and honorable person, Sher Bahadur Deuba is back in the game. And for those who thought 'New Nepal' would bring great changes in this country can all shake their heads in disbelief and wonder why we are still governed by the same bunch of corrupt clowns since the 1990s ? 

Well, we did manage to see what our Emperor and Dr Saheb were capable of but they too couldn't do much. Well, Dr Saheb did manage to widen the roads here and there and our Emperor did his best to fire the Army Chief then, failed and then came back and tried to get the Chief Justice impeached and failed again. Well, he did manage to hold the first phase of the local elections and we should at least congratulate him for that. 

It seems that this man from Dadeldhura is one lucky politician. He can get away with anything and gets to sit on the top kurchi every now and then. Don't be surprised if he once gain becomes our Prime Monster in 2020. After all, he has been our PM in every decade since the 90s. 

When he was our Home Minister more than two and half decades ago, he interfered with the service provision and helped Motilal Bohra to become our IGP. 

Then he reduced the service provision from 32 to 30 years and now Nepal Police is having problems as it seems that SSPs will get to the top seat in a year or two without much experience as DIGs and AIGs.  It seems that nepotism and boras of cash helps our civil servants to reach the top while merit and hard work will get you nowhere.

And recently, Deuba was the man who once again interfered in the promotion of IGP by trying his best to make his man from the Far-West our police chief. Well, that didn't happen and then he asked our Emperor to help him impeach the Chief Justice. Well, that didn't happen as well but it clearly shows that Deuba will do anything to destroy our public institutions for his own self-interest and it is more than likely that he will not stop now. 

Our incompetent government has yet to fill the vacant AIG positions even after Prakash Aryal became our IGP a while ago. Our politicians believe in sharing is caring but only when it comes to power and positions in our government agencies. If you have a few Karods then you can become our CA member or be an ambassador or even head our government agencies. 

No wonder, our  Chudamani Sharma got to stay at the Inland Revenue Department for four years. It didn't make any difference to him who was in power. He had the ability to share the loot and made our Finance Ministers and other politicians rich while he too is reported to be worth billions of Rupees as well. 

And it seems that whenever our high-profile folks get arrested, they fall ill and get to stay in hospitals. Let's hope someday we will have a civil servant who when caught by the CIAA will be ready to spill the beans and provide evidence of giving kickbacks to our politicians. 

Deuba can make deals with anybody to make some dough and share power. The whole country was surprised when he joined hands with our Emperor so that our Renu Didi would be our mayor in Bharatpur. But let's see what happens in Chitwan. Boras of cash will change hands and hopefully Deuba and our Emperor can once again prove us all right that you need lots of bank notes to win votes in this country.

Now,  Deuba is our 40th Prime Monster and gets to live in Baluwatar for the fourth time. And let us all hope that Deuba will do his best to make sure that our lawmakers are well-fed, well-dressed and please offer them tax-free luxury vehicles before we are done with our Constipated Assembly nataks as well!

Deuba is a lucky man. For those who believe that you need to be a great communicator to be a politician, Deuba has proven them wrong. You can mumble your way to the top and keep on reaching the summit numerous times not by winning the hearts and the minds of the people but winning the votes from your fellow lawmakers in the House.  

Nobody really understands what Deuba says but he is a great manipulator and is known to help anyone who will help him to stay in power. The only folks who are happy that he is now our Prime Monster are his brother-in-law, who will probably make millions and even billions from commissions from deals here and there and his near and dear ones who will also get to have some fun while he works hard to make sure that the government find ways to waste our taxpayers money.

Nothing has changed since the 1990s. It seems that in the past three decades, only politicians have gotten richer while the rest of us have been forced to leave the country so that we can make a few Dinars more. 

Our civil servants, contractors and con artists have also helped the politicians to enjoy the loot while the common folks have yet to enjoy the resources and opportunities we thought we would receive in this great republic of Nepal! Long Live King Deuba! 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, June 3, 2017

The Second Phase




Somebody needs to remind our incompetent government that in a week or two, we will be enjoying the monsoon season and it would be better if our Election Commission (EC) wallahs also asked our corrupt chors to set aside some money to hand out umbrellas to those voting in the second phase of the local elections. But that could violate some of our Election Code of Conduct because the person who gets the umbrella symbol might get a few more votes than expected.

Our incompetent government had earlier decided to hold the second phase of the local elections on June 14. Then it was rescheduled to June 23 but then our Muslim community reminded our chors that it would cause them inconvenience because the month-long Ramadan festival concludes on that day. 

It's good that our government has decided to then reschedule the polls for June 28 but it seems that some of our political parties will never be happy and would rather sulk and throw tantrums instead of accepting the fact that if you want to run the show then you have to stand up for election and win and show us what you can do for the people!

Maybe, we should just wait until the monsoon season is over and hold the second phase of the elections in the first week of September. The weather will be at least a few degrees cooler and our brothers and sisters in the hills and the plains would not have to deal with landslides, floods and what not. 

But of course, our government doesn't care. The people in power seem to be ignorant and make decisions based on some late-night drinking session with other chors instead of listening to our experts!

It seems that our Emperor really wants his daughter to win in Chitwan. Let us all congratulate those folks who tore up the ballot papers for showing us that even after a decade of joining the so-called mainstream politics, some of our comrades still behave like that they are back in the jungle. Well, the rule of the jungle is different than the rule of law. 

In the jungle, you are the King and it’s either your way or you just get rid of your opponents. But when you are now part of the political game then you should also learn to accept defeat or if you are worried about losing then make a quick deal with your opponents with boras of cash rather than acting like savages and tearing up ballot papers to make a fool of yourself.

Our Emperor's daughter favors re-polling at Ward No 19 while the UML thinks they are better off with counting the votes while the EC wallahs have no idea what to do. Either they are scared of our Emperor or if they can't decide what to do then just ask our Chief Justice! 

Everybody expected the Bharatpur race to be tight and it’s about time our comrades from both parties sit down together and do what's right instead of sticking to their own demands.  Our comrades who tore up the ballot papers will not be prosecuted. They will be home in a few days because that's how our system works. 

This is the same country where a high-ranking police officer and his men are lynched and those involved in the murders get a free pass because the incident is termed political. It seems that in the name of politics, you can kill anybody and get away with it. No wonder, most of our political parties hire mundreys during elections and even have criminals heading their youth organizations.

We will never be able to get over the so-called civil war that witnessed the death of tens of thousands of folks. Our security personnel and our comrades involved in murder, abduction and torture will never be prosecuted. 

Our Emperor and his friend who embezzled tons of money meant for former combatants will never have to pay back the dough to the State and will not be punished for their nataks either. And our King Deuba who has amassed billions of Rupees in ill-gotten wealth will get to be our Prime Monster again and will continue to enjoy looting us all without having to worry about spending another day in jail again. 

This is not 'New Nepal', this is the same old Nepal but we don't have the Shree Paanch or the Shree Tins, we now have the Shree Aaath where a bunch of chors get to rule the country every nine months and share the loot!

The new Mayor of Kathmandu Metropolitan City and other elected representatives have come up with a 11-point decision to make the capital great again. Mayor Shakya thinks the 'Clean the City' campaign will help to make this city beautiful again. Well, that's great and yes it is nice to hear that we will have free-WiFi around the city but we still don't know what he means when he says that Kathamndu will be a '24-hour Open City'. 

Does that mean, we will have dance bars and night clubs running round the clock which will only benefit the mundrey dons who operate such establishments and our cops who get chiya kharcha from them or does that mean, we will have buses running all-night and our cops will be patrolling our streets till early morning instead of getting drunk by eleven and be out of sight before midnight? 
Well, let us hope our great comedian Oli's brother-in-law will fulfill Oli's dream of connecting gas pipelines to each home and Kathmandu will get a metro-rail and our roads will no longer be dusty and we will have 24-hour water and our sewages will be managed and we can all swim in the Bagmati River by the time our Mayor is done with his first term in office!  

Let us hope our government will be able to hold the second phase of the local elections and finally, our brothers and sisters in other provinces will also get their local representatives as well. And what about Bharatpur? Well, Renu Didi and Devi ji could make a deal and share the commissions on all thekka-pattas in the municipality. After all, that's where the money is!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Emperor's Report Card




Our Emperor has resigned as our Prime Monster so that King Deuba can get back to Baluwatar in the coming weeks.  Long Live the Emperor! It would have been better if he had stuck around till the second phase of the local elections but I guess he is in a hurry to move out of Baluwatar and focus on playing ping pong back in Lazimpat. 

After all, you can make more deals on the side and get away with it rather than be under the radar of everyone while living in Baluwatar. 

It seems that we the people see success in a different light than our chor netas. Our Emperor tells us that his second stint as our Prime Monster has been very successful and we should nominate him for the Nobel Prize. 

Yes, thanks to our comrades, we the valley folks do not have to worry about load shedding anymore but we hear that the light bulbs deal the NEA wants to offer the public might benefit our King Deuba's brother in law more! 

And if our politicians were really worried about our national interest than they would have gotten their act together and invested our own country's money to develop a 10,000 MW hydropower project. If we had started such project when our Emperor was our Prime Monster the first time around then he could have taken all the credit for not only ending load shedding in the country but could have saved us a lots of money we pay to India to import electricity today.

We should also thank our Finance Minister for making quick bucks by allowing 10 new life insurance companies to begin operations. Now, the total number of life insurance companies stand at 19 and most of them either take a long time to pay out claims or find ways to not pay at all. 

Our Finance Minister must have made some chiya kharcha for this natak.  He leaves the government with at least enough dough to buy fifty cups of doodh chiya which he will share with his party, his Emperor and his family as well. For you and I, a cup of milk tea cost Rs 15, for politicians a cup is worth at least a Kaord. Now, you do the math!

Our Emperor has also tried all the tricks in his magic book to unfreeze the Rs 3 billion stuck in banks in the country. We all know that Sumargi, the so-called drinking partner, financial adviser and close friend of our Emperor has friends around the world. 

No wonder, he seems to get funds from tax havens around the world and nobody knows who is actually investing in our country. Or maybe , it's just our money, transferred to offshore accounts and then brought back to look like a legitimate foreign investment deal. At the end of the day, our politicians only care about how to make commissions from everything even if it drains our national coffer and has no benefit to the nation.

Our Emperor tells us that he has shown his opponents, especially the UML that he is a man of his words and is stepping down to honor the power sharing agreement with the Kangaroos. And our King Deuba is all praise for the same man he wanted to get rid of when he was the Prime Monster.

Our Emperor has shown us that he will make deals with anyone as long as it helps him or his daughter or his near ones. We are still waiting for the voting counting to end in Bharatpur municipality. Our first daughter is still hanging in tight and don't be surprised is some hanky panky goes on in Chitwan. 

UML is right when it wonders why on earth should we have a change in Baluwatar when the country is weeks away from the second phase of the local elections? But of course, our Emperor fires back and tells his opponent that he has broken the tradition of backstabbing in Nepali politics. Look who's talking?  

So what's next for the country? The UML will continue to obstruct the House because our incompetent government has decided to add more local units to satisfy their future coalition partners. And King Deuba will now have to make everyone happy or else we might not have the second phase and he also has to make sure that we have the provincial and parliamentary elections by January of next year. 

But of course King Deuba is now making a comeback and he will leave no stones unturned during his stint in Baluwatar to make as much dough as possible for his loved ones and also satisfy the hunger of our starving lawmakers. 

He will find a way to bring everyone on board either by offering cash, gift hampers, tax-free vehicles for all Consitpated Assembly members or whatever it takes to fulfill his self-interest. 

Deuba is lucky that he gets to be our Prime Monster again but we should consider ourselves fortunate that we now have the most open, competent and honest politician in the country back in Baluwatar. Long Live King Deuba!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Counting the Votes!




Let us all congratulate our Election Commission wallahs for successfully conducting the first phase of the local elections in the country.  But they failed miserably to educate the voters on how to exercise their right to choose the local representatives. 

And they got to spend more millions of dollars on voter education and most of us were confused and had to spend quite a time to figure out the ballot paper. Most of us had to stay in line for hours. Well, that is expected but then we were handed the ballot paper the size we had never seen before.  I guess the EC folks had no choice but had to fit in all the independent candidates. 

Maybe, we should have a new law that requires any independent candidate to at least gather hundred signatures from the local residents before they are allowed to file their candidacy to fight the ward and village level elections.  And if you are running for Mayor then at least 1,000 signatures should be the minimum requirement to stand up for election for that position. 

That would at least save the EC wallahs a lot of money if the ballot paper is more of a A4 size than big enough to cover a window.  And why on earth are folks who know that they will not even get a dozen votes running for Ward chairperson and Mayors? I guess they just have a little bit more money than the rest of us and want to spend it on their own few dozen karyakartas as we all need some chiya kharcha. 

Those who were voting for major political parties had it easy. Just stamp the swastika on the same line and get done with it. For some of us who wanted to vote for the most competent ones and crossed over the party line had a tough time figuring out where they were. 

And if you were voting for independent candidates only then it probably took you more than ten minutes figuring out where their election symbols stood.  

And the EC folks should be better prepared next time when the second phase of the local elections are done with because we don't want to wait a week or two to find out who won in our neighborhood. Please hire more personnel and at least try to finish the vote counting within 72 hours.

It's been nearly five days since I voted and it will probably take another few days before I find out who won in my ward.  The mayor race seems to be more interesting for folks living in the cities. The race for mayor in Lalitpur is tight whereas UML seems to be the one heading the Kathmandu Metropolitan City for the next five years. But you never know, they still have to count the votes in more than half the wards yet. 

But everyone seems to be interested in Bharatpur Municipality, especially the ones like us who don't even live there and the only time we are in Chitwan is when go to the Safari or on our way to other cities. Our Emperor's daughter stood up for election and our King Deuba did his thing by not allowing the candidate from his own party to stand up for election. But it seems that UML is likely to win there but we never know what happens at the end. Lots of money has been spent on the election there and there might be new deals along the way as well. 

Our Emperor knows a thing or two about making deals where it matters. After all, he did win from Siraha the last time around even though he lost heavily in Kirtipur. But it seems that most of the voters have rejected the alliances made by the top leaders of their parties. And it may be time for Deuba to retire from politics as well. Yes, please stop ruining this country with your own self-interest. 

Our Emperor will be moving out of Baluwatar next week and once again it's King Deuba's turn to rake in the moolah. This is the same man who decided not to hold the local elections last time he was the Prime Monster. And now, he will be the one in charge when we have the second phase of the local elections in this country. 

And we still have to get done with our provincial and national elections as well. Deuba will be minting money everywhere.  If there is any new deals to be made then do not contact him. 

Just contact his brother –in-law who now has the opportunity to make some more like he did when we had the so-called civil war in this land and some folks made tons of money by buying arms from foreign lands. But of course, we cannot blame King Deuba alone. 

After all, he is good at what he does. He is a politician and he has to do what's best for himself, his near and dear ones , his party, his cadres and his chamchas. The common folks can just drink doodh chiya at the loca chiya pasal, curse, vent, criticize all they want but at the end of the day, the chors run this country and they will do everything possible to take us down the drain.

In a few days, we will be welcoming our Mayors in the valley. They will have five years to fulfill their promises. I think our Mayors from Kathmandu, Bhaktapur and Lalitpur should have a monthly lunch meeting in Dhulikhel and work together to connect and make our valley clean, green and beautiful once again. 

And what our Bibeksheel and Sajha folks can learn from this election is that they should unite and start connecting with the locals so that come next election, we will have the new and young competent candidates running our municipalities rather than the same old party hags!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Time to Vote!




This Sunday, some of us will finally get the chance to vote in the local elections after two decades. What was our government thinking? Well, they did manage to run the local system without any elected representatives for twenty years but it also led to the so-called all party mechanism looting the funds.  

Our ward and village secretaries had no choice but to get along with the chor netas and distribute the funds for their pet projects while the people did not see much development in their region. 

Let's hope things will be a little better once we have our own local representatives heading the village, wards and municipalities. But of course, there will be sharing the loot amongst the netas as usual but at least we can hold them accountable and the elected representatives will have to worry about at least fulfilling some of their promises instead of just embezzling the funds.

Yes, those in the first phase of the local elections should feel lucky because we really don’t know if the second phase will really happen. But let's hope for the best and hopefully our brothers and sisters who have to wait for the second phase will get to vote for their candidates next month.

Our incompetent government should have at least arranged a drinking water station for most of us who stood in line for hours to get our Voter ID.  But of course, who really cares about the people? We are used to standing up in line for hours for everything. 

It would have been a lot easier if our Election Commission (EC) wallahs handed out laptops to their folks to check the voter list as well instead of flipping the pages and taking their time while everybody in line kept wondering why it was taking so long. But everything seems to have turned out well and we are all ready to cast our votes for our favorite candidates.

And our EC folks were busy driving around the valley in their new vehicles gifted by our friends from India. And we may have had the 'no horn' rule in place but I guess nobody thinks that loud music from speakers is also noise pollution as well. Our political parties were busy with their nataks. Yes, spend the money on flags, pamphlets and hire taxis to disturb the neighborhood with loud music.

Our politicians were busy with the Ghar-Dailo programs. Yes, we don't know them until they show up at our homes, asking for votes. This is the only time you get to meet your politicians. They shake your hands and smile and promise you everything. And we should also smile back and promise to vote for them as well. 

Yes, promise all the candidates your vote and you don't have to feel bad about it because all the chors will not carry out their promises either.

It seems that most of us who live in the cities do not have to worry about violence but folks in our villages are getting threatened and even killed during election campaigns. 

I think we should remind our politicians and their cadres that they are not going to war and killing your opponent or cadres from other political parties will not help to win them votes at all. We hear about bombs going off in rural areas. I guess, some of our netas in the villages seem to think that this is war and you need to get rid of your rivals to become the new King in the village. 

It seems that in many neighborhoods in the valley, the same old folks who had become ward chairperson twenty years ago are still in the game. It seems that our major political parties are not interested to field new and young candidates. Well, we have a young woman who wants to be the Mayor of Kathmandu. Let us wish her well but without money and muscles, it is pretty difficult to win any elections in this land. We really don't expect any major upsets in the local elections.

Some of us are in a dilemma as we really want to vote with our conscience and vote for the best candidate who will do good for the neighborhood and our municipality. But we also know that our best candidate might not get enough votes to win. The local chiya pasal is now the main news center for the local elections. 

We hear about a candidate standing up for election while his own nephew is also standing up as an independent candidate just to make sure that he gets a dozen less votes. We hear about byaparis who had paid tons of money to the so-called top leaders of their party so that they can be the party's candidate for mayors and even ward chairpersons. 

A local drunk has even filed his candidacy for ward chairperson in my neighborhood. Some of the folks will vote for him because they think that the candidates fielded by the major political parties are all crooks. Well, the drunk will not win but it would be better if we all helped him to get admitted to a rehab center after the election.

I am not voting for any independent candidates this election. I like them and think they can do better than the rest of the chors but a few thousand votes for mayor and a few hundred votes in the ward election will not help them win anything.  

Like most of the folks who are voting this Sunday, I too will cast my votes for the candidates who will at least help to maintain our roads and street lights and make our neighborhood green and beautiful. We do not expect much for our ward representatives but just get the funds to make our toles livable and make sure that they provide the basic services that we citizens are entitled to without having to pay chiya kharcha. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Evil Partnerships!




First of all, let us congratulate our Meowist and Morons for filing the impeachment motion against our first women Chief Justice. She had only a month to go but I guess King Deuba and our Emperor were just too scared of her and cooked up a master plan to make sure that their decisions were not overturned by the Supreme Court. President Trump must be jealous!

We are pretty certain that we will have the first phase of our local elections. It seems that we are now witnessing the most hawatari partnerships in Nepali politics. The same man who put a price on then rebel's chief head is now buddies. Their bromance is going strong as usual.

If it wasn't for Deuba, we would not have the IGP controversy at all. Our Emperor kept quiet while the Home Minister threatened to resign, did resign a while ago and then took back his resignation as well. Let us all feel sorry for DIG Silwal. The man has gone underground. 

I guess our politicians just wanted to teach him a lesson. Don't mess with the government. We have all the dirty tricks to blackmail you, harass and abduct you and make sure that your life is in danger if you take on the government not once but twice. If a serving DIG is not safe in this land then you can forget about your safety as well.

And now King Deuba has shown us all how low he can stoop by using his charm to cast magic spells so that our country will soon be a police state by 2020. Our politicians interfere in everything. 

We have seen how our police wallahs are used by our politicians as their private security guards and domestic helps. We have seen how they interfere in promotions of our civil servants and now we have seen the attack against the judiciary. In a few years, our politicians will find a way to control the army and then it's all downhill from there.

Yes, it's a good thing that our Nepal Army has been granted the project to build the 76km Kathmandu-Nijgadh expressway. But we all know that our politicians will now find a way to make sure that our Army wallahs fudge the budget and keep aside some moolah for our politicians as well.

The government has also allowed the Army to get their hand in hydropower projects as well. What' s next? Let them open their own media house, invest in banks, bakeries and even goat farming as well. And then, our Army will be like the ones in Egypt and Pakistan where they are heavily invested in industries and their income makes them stronger to run the show in their lands.

We never really talk about corruption in the Nepal Army. Everybody talks about it. We know how our Jar-Saabs make the moolah but nobody really wants to take action against them. Dear Generals, half of our soldiers are sleeping in bunkers. Please take café of them as well.

We all know our police wallahs are corrupt. Well, not all of them because most of them won't get lucrative postings but if you are a high-ranking police wallah then you don't have to really boast about how you climbed the ladder only on your own merit and hardwork. 


Even our SSP Ramesh Kharel knows that and has made us aware that one needs to get a suitcase full of cash and make rounds visiting the homes of influential loafers to get promotion or lucrative postings. In a year, the race for the next IGP begins and we all know that Kharel and Khanal will have do the running around.

The Supreme Court has sentenced our three former IGPs to jail but we all know that it was not only them who made a few Rupees. What happened to those in power then especially our Home Minister Sitauala and our Queen Sujata Auntie? We all know how much her son-in-law made from our land with his deals here and there.


It seems that the media knows all the deals and we the people do get to hear about it as well. But our politicians work together to make sure that they do not attack each other when it comes to making the moolah. 

Well, some of our former mantris have been to jail as well, especially our Congressi wallahs but spend a few years in prison, pay a fine of a few Karods and then live happily ever after since you made more than a hundred Karods during your time as a mantri. Life is good for our netas!

As local elections heat up, our Morons have partnered with the Meowist while in another shocking turn of events, our United Mundrey leaders are now friends with the folks who want to make us a 'Kingdom' again.  So if somehow we do get the House of Shah back to the throne then expect someone from the UML to become our Prime Monster for at least a few months till the King takes controls of everything.


Well, that is not likely anytime soon but how one earth do you decide to partner with someone at the far end of the scale who holds completely opposite views regarding the politics and the governance of the country and even the constitution?

We don't know but our politicians are a smart lot. Our first daughter is running for Mayor and King Deuba wants to make it easy for her by withdrawing the name of his own party member and asking his cadres to support our Emperor's daughter. Now, Ivanka Trump must be jealous!

I think it's about time we formed a new political party and gather all our comedians and ask them to stand up for elections. We are sure Dhurmus-Suntali, Maha Jodi and the former Tito-Satya gang could win against our corrupt politicians.

I think we should have a new party and just call it the 'Gai Jatra' party. Even Manoj Gajurel would make a good politician. After all, what do you really need to be a political player in this country? You really don't need a vision. You don't need to have any master plan to develop this country. 


Well, Dr. Saheb has a plan to make us all earn at least US$15,000 in the next decade or two. Maybe, we will find oil or uranium in our mountains and then we can export it to Amrika and North Korea. But all you need is to have the skills to make a funny speech and attack your opponents using jokes, proverbs and what not. If our real comedians really became politicians then Oli will have to leave town because his jokes would sound lame.

Let us all pray that things will go well in the first phase of the local elections. Our political parties will come together and allow the government to conduct the second phase as well. And then they can fight over the budget. And we should all prepare for the state and general elections in the coming months. Let us visit our comedians today and convince them to represent us in the provincial and national scenes.


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Local Elections or not?



We are two weeks away from the first phase of our local elections but it seems that our incompetent government might even postpone it and make us all look like fools. After all, our lazy bums are very good at postponing everything except when raising their salaries and perks. If they get to enjoy the loot then they will all come on board and work together. If they do not get to steal from us or have it their way then they will blame each other for the political chaos in this land. 

We wasted billions of Rupees feeding our Constipated Assembly (CA) members for years and we finally got a constitution. It seems that our constitution is always the best in the world and we should be proud of it. But of course, our Madhesi and Janjati parties were not and our half-baked constitution needs amendments to bring everyone on board. 

We got hit by the Big One and it's been two years after and our displaced families are still living in temporary shelters our out in the open. We seem to have the most cold-hearted politicians in the world. These parasites have their own dirty agenda that they want to fulfill while ignoring what's best for the country and its people. How can you enjoy the perks and loot us all while thousands of our brothers and sisters are struggling to rebuild their lives and homes?

We, the people are excited and eager to vote for our local representatives but the government is busy trying to make all the chors happy while ignoring the wishes of the common people. First, our government promised to hold local elections on May 14th. We were happy about it. Then, they tell us that we will have elections in two phases so that our Madhesi parties are happy. We were okay with it as well. 

Now, we don't even know if the local elections will take place as scheduled as our bickering buffoons are fighting with each other in regards to amending the constitution. Our chor netas tell us that political stability is the key to development in this land but it's a shame that it is our own politicians who have worked hard to divide this country, make us fight with each other while they continue to make deals that will only benefit them and their parties.

It seems that our corrupt government has enough funds to hold elections but not enough to help the families of those displaced by the earthquakes. Holding elections in two phases will cost us more and it will also not help the candidates who are standing up for local elections either. And our government really seems to be out of touch with reality. That happens when you ride around in luxury vehicles, surrounded by armed police force and their guns pointing at the general public. 

Our politicians and civil servants seem to be very poor in math as well. How on earth can you stand up for local elections with a budget of few lakhs Rupees? Well, that might be possible if you are standing up to be a member of the Ward or Village Committee. But to fight the election for Ward Chairperson, a meager 3 lakhs Rupees is not even enough to buy doodh chiya and newari khaja set for your karyakartas. 

And you need young mundreys to go around in bikes, throw away pamphlets on the streets and hang out and local chiya pasals and wait for instructions from the candidate to either create problems for the other candidates or just gather and show their strength for no apparent reason. And who will pay for the petrol for their bikes?

If you want t be a Mayor then you cannot spend more than 7.5 lakhs. Well, if you are living in the city then all the candidates who are vying to be our Mayor will be breaking the law. Mayoral candidates will have to raise at least a few Karods to buy votes, pay off opposition wallahs, have mundrey under their wings and for every other shady deals that needs to be done to win the elections. 

Maybe our Election Commission wallahs have done their math by using the figures from the last local elections held in this country, which was more than two decades ago.  Even doodh chiya cost three times more now. Nobody can afford to eat an egg these days and let's even forget about a few piece of masu on Saturdays.

Our political parties are the most corrupt ones in this land. Our civil servants come second because they have to pay off our netas to gain promotion and lucrative transfers. Our contractors have to pay both the civil servants and our corrupt netas. The common folks have to only pay our civil servants but of course the dough goes all the way up to the mantri and the mantri has to keep some for himself, set aside some for his political party as well.

We talk about voting for the most competent candidate regardless of their party affiliation but it seems that we have no choice but to choose from the least evil one from the major political parties. And these chors will do what's best for their parties, cadres and con artists. At the end of the day, everybody forgets about the common people. Either we tell ourselves we are cursed and we leave it to fate or we need to gather all the courage we can muster and make sure we hold these parasites accountable. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Unification Fever




First of all, let us thank our government for giving us a public holiday on Monday so that our President need not see the traffic jam in the city as she left for India. 

Earlier, we had a King and we had to deal with such nataks but it's been many years since we have become a republic but our freeloaders don't seem to let go of the past and will continue to act like they own this country. And we, the people will continue to act like everything's fine and be miserable and really do nothing to stop the loot.

Yes, our government tells us that our Madame President's vacation to India has been very fruitful. Maybe, our honorable President received a basket full of fruits while she landed in India but for us, it looked liked the Desis were just acting like they had to deal with it and get done with it. 

And we, the people think that it's just a waste of our taxpayers' money. We know very well that our country is not going get any good deals with the Desis. And we have no one but to blame our own civil servants for not doing their homework before meeting the Desis to work out on any deals that will benefit this country. 

It's about time we stopped all foreign visits by our freeloaders because it really does not help our country at all. But of course, what can we do? These buffoons run the show and will continue to enjoy all the state perks while ignoring the needs of our families displaced by the earthquake.

We may have kicked Gyanu Uncle out of the Palace but now we have to deal with our mini-Maharajas who think that it is their right to spend our money on useless foreign visits. When will our politicians learn to be frugal and save us some money? 

Well, they won't and unless we really have honest and competent netas, nothing will change in this beautiful land of ours. And we have been unfortunate so far having had to deal with only chors and con artists who have only enriched themselves while making this country poorer.

It seems that our politicians are now on 'unification' mode. Our six Madhesi parties have decided to unite and form a new political party.  And they no longer call themselves a 'Madhes-only' party. It's a good thing. Let us hope that the 'umbrella' will help us all to protect us from the sun and the rain instead of using it to prick and hit us during bandas and what not.

And Bijaya Gachchhadar has also merged his party with other fringe parties as well. Bijaya Dai has already made enough money to last another three generations. He's been our mantri time and again and he might as well join the government once King Deuba gets back to Baluwatar.

Even our Doctor Saheb is planning to merge his Naya Shakti with the Federalist 
Socialist Forum. Maybe, he can also invite our Bibeksheel wallahs and Sajha Party to go along for the ride as well. 

We all know that this 'unification' nataks among our parties won't work because their main agenda is not do good for the country but how to at least get some votes to have at least a seat in the next general election through the PR system because they know very well that most of them will not be directly elected. And maybe even join the coalition government then, bag a ministry and make some money for oneself and the party as well.

Maybe, we should be like the West. Let's just have two political parties instead. We all know that none of our netas want to compromise and work together to help this land. Instead, we have the left and the right and no one in the center to bring everyone on board.  We have dozens of communist parties. We have another dozen Madhesi parties. Our Congressis and UML know very well that at the end of the day, they will once again get to enjoy the loot.

It's been almost thirty years since we saw starving and broke netas appear in Kathmandu and promise us to build a new Nepal. Since then, we have seen the morons making deals with the mandaleys to stay in power. We have seen the Maoist and their war against the state. 

We have seen the Madhesis and their movement against the state. And it's been more than a decade since our so-called peace agreement between the Maoist and the other parties. Every decade, we see a new movement. 

Maybe it's now time for the people to start a new movement and do away with the corrupt system.  And we do need someone to lead us as well. Maybe, it's time Dhurmus and Suntali not only build homes for the displaced families and the needy. Please lead us to displace the corrupt ones from their homes so that we can finally live in peace and prosper in our motherland.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Nepali New Year Resolutions!







Well, here we are at 2074 Bikram Sambat and it looks like it will just be another same old year for the country and its people. Well, we have the local elections coming up and hopefully if our parasites can set aside their differences and come together for the good of this nation then we can have our provincial and general elections as well. But of course, our buffoons are very good at agreeing to disagree on everything else except those matters that will benefit them with boras of cash and state perks. 

Our Madhesi netas tell us that they will be boycotting the local elections. Our Doctor Saheb tells us that he will flex his muscles if the Election Commission does not give him his election symbol. And Hisila Didi seems to be smoking something illegal. 

Kamal Thapa is not happy either. This man will not be happy until he becomes our Prime Monster. This is the only country in the land where political parties who are members of the ruling coalition take to the streets to protest against the government. Even our cops are confused when it comes to whether to laathi-charge or just loiter around the protest areas hoping that the protesters will go away after inhaling enough dust for a year.

Let us thank our government for welcoming the New Year with the 'No Honk' rule in the valley. Now, you can no longer honk at some guy on a bike who suddenly stops in the middle of the road and starts talking to his girlfriend on the phone. 

You cannot honk at ducks, stray dogs or even cows. So if you hit the ducks in Godavari, just make sure you have enough cash to pay for it. Stray dogs get no respect in this land and don't ever hit our holy animal because you might have to go to jail and then hell later. The only option now is to get out of your vehicle, chase away the animals and not worry about the guy behind you honking at you till he drops dead.

But if it's an emergency then you can honk all the way to the hospital or to Baluwatar. But our ambulances, fire engines, police vans and of course, our security escorts for the corrupt buffoons can use their horn.  But  if you, the lowly common citizen is caught honking for no apparent reason then please be prepared to pay a fine up to Rs 5,000.  

We may never be another Singapore or the United States or Switzerland but why not at least have our fines at the same rate as in those countries. If you are caught driving under the influence of alcohol then we should pay at least US$ 200 dollars which is like twenty Nepali grand. 

If you are caught spitting or  throwing trash in the Bagmati River then pay five thousand Singaporean dollars which would be like more than most of us can afford. We should have both fines and community service system in this land of ours.

If you are caught pissing on someone's wall then the police should make sure that the violator spends every Saturday for a year cleaning up walls in the city filled with hawatari political slogans. 

If you are caught throwing trash then why not collect trash around the city every weekend. And of course, pay the fine as well, spend a day or two in jail which will also help you get rid of your sinus problems but you might go home with bed bugs and lice as well.

Our Health Minister tells us that we should all abstain from tobacco and alcohol products. And we should all regularly exercise and go for a medical checkup every year or so. 

That's really great but maybe our government should  work towards minimizing the dust storm in the valley and creating more green spaces for us to exercise and breathe a little bit of clean air. And yes, smoking and drinking is both injurious to one's health. 

Maybe we should just hike the price of these products by at least a 1,000% and make sure that the taxes collected will be given to the Health Ministry so that they can at least help us to provide some rebate when we go for our annual health check up.

We all know that we do seem to have the best laws in the world but our incompetent government always fails to implement them. Our traffic cops spends a month every year  telling our pedestrians to use the overhead bridge or the zebra crossings and then they stop the campaign and then we are back to walking in the middle of the street in the middle of the city.  

Yes, noise pollution is a real problem in the valley but it seems that we might hear better but we will have teary eyes and sore throats until our government finally wakes up and tells the Melamchi folks to at least temporarily pave the roads they have destroyed to lay their pipes.

Maybe, it would better if our government came up with a 'No Bribing' rule as well. Any citizens caught offering bribes should be punished and sent to jail and made to work in the so-called fast track roads in the country.

And what about our civil servants and politicians who love to extort from the byaparis, seek chiya kharcha from the service seekers and work together to embezzle state funds? Well, our sarkari hakims and our lawmakers seem to be above the law. 

The Supreme Court tells the government to arrest the Dhungel within seven days. Let's see if our new IGP has the guts to follow the court's order or will he too just be another of those puppets controlled by our evil politicians? Let us all wish each other a Happy Nepali New Year and hope we will have some peace and a little bit of prosperity this coming year!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com