Saturday, August 5, 2017

Gumboots for all!




Our honorable Prime Monster Deuba goes to Chitwan to see for himself if our hardworking contractors are doing their job right along the Narayangadh-Muglin stretch. Whom are we kidding? We all know how our contractors do their job and if it wasn't for their carelessness and tardiness, our folks would not be losing their lives while on our highways and even in our cities!

And somebody should have at least made Deuba aware that leather shoes are not a good choice when walking on hilo-mailo. Just wear a gumboot instead! Why not just give us all gumboots during the monsoon and we won't even care if Deuba's brother-in-law makes millions when securing the contract to provide free gumboots for all Nepalis! 

We are still waiting for the day when our government saves us a few Rupees and at least give us some rebate on the taxes we pay instead of only raising our taxes. When we are all done with the provinces and stuff, don't be surprised if we pay more taxes because then we need to feed our local representatives and our chor netas at the provincial and central level as well.

 More than fifty people have lost their lives along the Narayangadh-Mulin stretch but it seems that our incompetent government is least bothered when ordinary Nepalis lose their lives. If it were some mantri or even a low-life chor who happens to be a member of one of our political parties then the government would have offered millions of Rupees in compensation.  

So if you are a smart Nepali then you should get a membership of one of our major political parties and you can stop paying premiums on your life insurance because the party will make sure you get something even if you get fried when stealing electricity from NEA! 

King Deuba takes a chopper to fly to Chitwan.  Why can't our politicians take a bus like most of us and show us or even act like they do care?  If you ask Deuba this question then his answer would be that he is a VVIP and he has to make sure that he gets back to the capital in a few hours so that he can attend to meetings with his chamchas and fellow netas on how to efficiently and effectively loot the state treasury and also extort from our civil servants, contractors and other con artists.

Deuba like all other politicians receives garlands, khatas and bouquets on arrival from his chamchas.  Either we, the people choose to forget our problems and act like our politicians are great that we must bow before them and offer flowers like we did to our Kings before or we just want to kiss their arse so that one of our cousins will get some thekka-patta or a government job somewhere. 

And Deuba is the king of deals. He may not do what is right for the country but he will certainly do what is right for our politicians and their near and dear ones. In other countries, politicians win votes because the people think they can do better for the country. Here, in this land, politicians continue to be in power as long as they make other evil doers happy. 

Maybe, our politicians could learn a thing or two from the Desis across the border. Instead of receiving bouquets, we should gift our politicians books. It seems that our netas don’t read much because they still have the same mindset they had when they were fighting the 'Panchyati' system. 

We have been a multi-party democracy since the 90s and today, we are a Republic but it seems that our politicians now think that we, the people are the enemies and it is their job to make sure that we suffer and shut up as well. We have gotten rid of a King but we will have to now deal with hundreds of mini-Maharajas and their courtiers. Good luck to all of us!

We should not be cursing and saying bad things about each other in Facebook but if you are a public figure then you should have a thick skin and be able to take criticism as well. Unless, somebody is threatening to physically harm somebody or has stolen stuff or even personal data then our police should look into the matter.

But it seems that we will be missing our 'freedom' of religion, speech and even the right to assembly if we just keep on shutting up and allow our chor netas to continue to do whatever they like.

This country is run by mafias and our slimy contractors have to pay local mundrey gundas affiliated with our political parties to win the government contracts. Then, they have to pay off our civil servants to get the payment for jobs they never complete. 

We have mafias everywhere. Our jagga dalals work with our civil servants to sell government lands to the public. Our transportation wallahs can overcharge us and get away with it. Our byaparis can sell us adulterated food products, fuel and fruits and all they get is a fine of a few thousand Rupees .  

Our civil servants are the ones who need to be held accountable because it is them who have the responsibility to monitor the market and take action against such byaparis but instead take chiya kharcha and allow the byaparis to make more money by cheating consumers.

It seems that what we are missing is accountability and until we hold those in power accountable, we will continue to live miserable lives. Our contractors are not worried even when our brothers and sisters lose their lives due to shoddy construction works, our bus wallahs can run us over and pay a few lakhs and keep on driving and our netas can continue to loot us all while we just smile and offer them bouquets instead of brickbats! 

When it comes to brickbats, I am not advocating the use of real bricks against our corrupt folks but at least, we should be free to voice our opinion and not be arrested for calling a thief a thief!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, July 29, 2017

The Looting Continues!



King Deuba has finally managed to expand his cabinet after months of consultation with his astrologers. Maybe his gurus finally approved his cabinet-expansion plans. I think our government should form a new ministry. 

Let's have an astrologer head a "Ministry of Astrology" and all government decisions should be approved only after calculating all the charts out there. Maybe it's better to look towards the moon and the sun to decide our future instead of expecting our good for nothing buffoons to brings us peace and prosperity!

It seems that our politicians know only how to share power and care for each other while leaving nothing for the common folks. When it comes to power-sharing, our netas fight with each other even if they belong to same political party. There is a quota system for everything.  

Even King Deuba is having a tough time trying to make other factions from his own party happy. No wonder, our politician don't have the time to tend to problems faced by common folks when they are too busy trying to figure out who gets the piece of the loot!

Why do our netas want their near and dear ones as mantris? Well, they are not happy with their salaries and perks. They need Karods not thousands to maintain their lifestyle. These are the same clowns who were happy when they were starving but fighting against the system. 

They were not scared to die or spend years in prison. They were the lucky ones because they survived and managed to become the top chors in the country. But how can they forget their own sacrifice to change our society, to change our system and their dream to build a prosperous Nepal?

But now, when they have become a part of the system, they want it all and only care about how to loot the state treasury and pocket commissions from contractors and boras of cash from civil servants and other con artists. Our netas have no shame and their near and dear ones even boast and feel proud of the ill-gotten wealth amassed from sucking the blood, sweat and tears of common Nepalis. 

Our Emperor was happy hiding in India during the so-called civil war. His son was happy driving a tempo! But now he lives in a mansion and drives around in luxury vehicles. Our Crown Prince can marry a number of times and get away with it while he enjoys the life of luxury. 

Most of the sons of our so-called top leaders carry firearms with them while they hang out in bars in the capital. It seems that our princelings are all contractors now and seem to be involved in most of the so-called 'national pride' projects in the country. 

It seems that our lawmakers can break the law and still get security from the state while we, the common folks have to pay more taxes every year just so that our civil servants and netas can get more perks and salaries from the State.

We now have 19 new mini-sinisters and the overall team strength is 29. Don't be surprised if we have more than fifty mantris in Deuba's cabinet in the coming months. After all, our man in Baluwatar is known for his big appetite! 

It seems that our old fogies still do not want to provide opportunities to women and minorities. We now have only three women ministers. I think all Nepalese women should unite and open their own political party. Our 'Ama and Mahila Samuhas' should unite and fight against the chors! 

Talking about unification, Bibeksheel and Sajha Party has decided to join hands and tell us that they will now become stronger. What the new Bibeksheel Sajha Party (BSP) can do is unite with other fringe parties as well and ask our mothers, wives, sisters and girlfriends to join them and make it an inclusive party. We can no longer allow the same bunch of thieves to steal us blind.

Why do we only blame the bidhesis for interfering in our land when we continue to exploit and discriminate against our own folks just because they belong to a different caste or believe in a different God or their preferences are different than the majority of the folks. Why can't we rejoice in our diversity instead of fighting with each other while our netas enjoy their drinks behind closed doors and continue to loot us all?

King Deuba is busy making sure that he makes a lot of moolah while in power. It seems that our incompetent government is only interested to increase the perks of our President and Vice-President and provide luxury vehicles to sarkari hakims.  

King Deuba recently transferred a Local Devleopment Officer (LDO) because he wanted to stop illegal excavations. Our politicians will stop at nothing and will continue to transfer honest civil servants while promote corrupt ones because they need the money. 

How much is enough? Should we just go ahead and hike the salaries and perks of our civil servants and politicians like in Singapore. We may have failed to make our country like Singapore but at least we can pay our chors the same salary scale and hopefully we will finally have no corruption in this land.  

If we do the math, we might even save billions of dollars instead because our civil servants, contractors and our chor netas are looting us all by helping our fake-VAT bill byaparis evade taxes, destroying our environment by allowing contractors to destroy our rivers and hills for construction works while getting commissions for it and stealing billions by fugding the bills while allowing contractors to be paid for shoddy works! 

It's about time to end the looting spree and we need patriots like Dr KC not traitors like our civil servants, netas and those who forget that their deeds will one day lead us to lose our identity and even our land!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Our lives don’t matter




A ten-year old girl dies when she falls in an open manhole while another school kid survives. We are all angry at our chors but they seem to have other priorities at hand. It seems that road expansion and water and sanitation projects have turned our roads into death traps. 

Hundreds of folks lose their lives due to accidents in our highways but our government doesn't care. Every monsoon, thousands of our folks are displaced from their homes due to floods and landslides and many lose their families. 

It’s been more than two years since we got hit by the Big One and only a few hundred of the families have received subsidized loans so far. It seems that our government is not in a hurry to help the people but it is always eager to waste our taxpayers money on new vehicles, foreign junkets and more perks for our netas and civil servants.

It's the same story every year but public outcry doesn't seem to affect our chor netas and sarkari hakims. Our concerned government agencies are not in a hurry to repair our roads or even fill up the holes they have dug around the valley.  How did our government officials become such cruel and cold-hearted monsters? 

Well, the sarkari hakims get free government vehicles and their kids don't have to walk to school but why do millions of us who do walk to work, school and to tend to other matters must suffer due to the mismanagement and lack of urgency showed by our concerned government agencies in resolving such problems!?

Our clowns only care about their political cadres and themselves. You can be a mundrey gunda and die during a protest program and your family will get a million Rupees from the state and you will even be declared a martyr. But if you are just another ordinary citizen then you get a few thousand Rupees as compensation and our government agencies are neither ashamed nor do they promise us that such accidents won't happen again in the future.

Our Prime Monster, King Deuba had directed government agencies to take care of our roads and that's what our politicians do. They are too scared to go out there and meet the victim's family. They just stay inside Singha Durbar and dole out instructions to our sarkari hakim sahebs.  And our civil servants will nod their heads and then go back to their office and do nothing.  

We have thousands of security personnel in the valley. Maybe, we should ask all the folks who did help out to clean the Bagmati River to join hands with our security folks to plug the holes in the capital. We should all gherao the Department of Roads and tell the folks there that it is their responsibility to coordinate with other government agencies to resolve the crisis. 

We have new Mayors in the valley and it seems that they are only interested to buy mobile phones for all the ward chairpersons and increase parking fees all around the capital and make us pay more taxes while they are not eager to solve the problems faced by their municipalities. 

We must all take our stand and refuse to pay the new taxes until our Mayors and concerned government agencies work together to make this city livable again. But who will listen to us ? The government doesn't care. 

The civil servants will look the other way while the contractors who are making millions from the contracts will not get punished for putting our lives at risk because they have already paid off our politicians and hakim sahebs!

Gyanu Uncle thinks it's okay to go to Norvic for his health checkup but our netas need to go to Bangkok because they do not trust our medical establishments. Maybe, we should just ask the Thai Embassy to hire a dozen of Thai doctors and our netas can visit the Embassy for their medical check up instead of wasting our taxpayers money on foreign visits for their medical treatment.

Deuba has done us all proud by allowing the Election Commission (EC) to spend Rs 140 million to buy five luxury vehicles for the commissioners. It doesn't matter if the media, the people and the rest of the world is not happy with how our government wastes our taxpayers money. 

Earlier, the government secretary who refused to go ahead and ask the government for funds to buy the new vehicles was transferred from the EC. That's how our system works. If you do your work by the book, then you get transferred somewhere else but if you cook the book and make your hakims and netas happy then you get promoted.

Our netas and civil servants don't care and will continue to loot the state treasury for their own benefit. I think we should just go ahead and buy our President a nice helicopter. At least, we won't have any traffic jams in the valley! And we don’t want the security vehicles escorting our President suddenly disappear in the middle of the street, do we?


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Free Money




The Office of the President wants an additional Rs 120 million to buy vehicles to escort our President around town. I think our government wallahs think that it is better to waste our taxpayers' money rather than saving us a few Rupees. 

Earlier, our incompetent government had agreed to provide Rs 40 million but I guess that was not enough for our folks working for the President. I don't think our Madame President had any say on this matter but her personal assistants and our sarkari hakims must have done their homework well and wanted to make quick bucks on the deal. 

It seems that only netas and thulo mancheys need security in this land but we still don't know why there are so scared of the public whom they have sworn to serve. We can understand President Trump wanting an 'Iron Man' suit or a Batmobile but why does our President need more security and more vehicles than even the Desi President across the border?  It seems that our President has to worry about security more than the Chinese President or even Putin.  

North Korea is not going to nuke us anytime soon. Our President is not under threat from any internal or external enemies. The job of the President is to attend all the public functions in Tundikhel, visit foreign lands to get some fresh air and actually do nothing at all. 

Why do we need to spend hundreds of millions of Rupees on vehicles for our so-called VVIPs when our government has dozens of luxury vehicles sitting idle and even those have not been maintained in years? Why do our netas need new vehicles and waste our taxpapayers money every year?

The President's Office already has eight luxury vehicles but I guess that is not enough for our head of state. Our President should be an example to the world and go ahead and buy an electric vehicle instead. But our thulo mancheys do not think like the common folks. They are above the  law and they think that wasting taxpayers' money for their own benefit is the right thing to do. 

Our civil servants have already spent more than a billion Rupees on foreign visits in the past sixty days. More than 1,400 sarkari chors had fun going on vacation to foreign lands at the expense of our taxpayers'. 

Yes, attending conferences, workshops and training nataks in foreign lands seem like vacation to our sarkari hakims. They get daily allowances and chiya kharcha and they get to save the money and years later, when the CIAA asks them how they managed to build a mansion in the valley, they will tell the world that they saved all the 'vacation' money or wrote books that brought in millions of Rupees. 

Just ask our Director General of the Inland Revenue Department, Chudamani Dai! We all know that he managed to make millions while he offered billions of Rupees to our netas. But at the end of the day, the CIAA can only arrest our civil servants but seem to have no clue on how to go after our chor netas as well! Our former IGPs go to jail for the 'Sudan Scam' and pay only a few thousand Rupees fine as well while our netas who made millions from the deal do not need to worry about going to jail at all. 

Our government had earlier attempted to discourage such foreign vacation packages but I guess nobody can tame our corrupt civil servants. After all, our netas need our sarkai chors because when it comes to promotions and lucrative transfers, our civil servants do offer boras of cash to our clowns. That's how our system works and not much has changed in the past three decades. 

It seems that we, the people have no choice but put up with the nataks of our netas and sarkari hakims. Every year, landslides and floods kill hundreds of folks in this country and the government doesn't do anything to minimize such disasters. 

Our capital has become Dustmandu and neither our government agencies nor the contractors who are working on the roads in our valley seem to be interested to minimize the problems faced by the people. After all, our netas drive around in luxury vehicle with their windows closed while we, the people have to use public transportation and breathe in all the fumes and dust!

And in the last month of the fiscal year, our government agencies go on a spending spree, making sure they spend billions of Rupees and it seems that we cannot hold any of our civil servants and netas accountable. 

It seems that we, the people have given up and our civil society leaders have all disappeared ever since Gyanu Uncle left the building. It seems that we, the people participated in peoples' movement to topple the Panchayati system and then the 'House of Shah' only to be ruled by mini-maharajas and their courtiers.  
Every year, our incompetent government fails to spend even half of the capital budget and nobody seems to care. 

How can our chors who do not even follow democratic principles in their own parties teach us all about democracy? 

How can our buffoons who do not want to give any opportunity to women, minorities and youth leaders in their own parties teach us about inclusiveness? 

How can our clowns who only want kickbacks from contractors, civil servants, fake-VAT bill bayaparis and other con artists teach us about open and transparent society?  

It seems that economic progress for our netas is about making as much money for themselves while stealing from our national coffer and the people while the country goes broke!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Deuba Strikes Back!




First of all, let us all congratulate Deuba for appearing on a TV show to interact with the public. It seems that Deuba has not lost his arrogance at all. After all, he is our Maharaja from Dadeldhura. 

Who cares if he was once fired by Gyanu Uncle and even sent to jail for corruption? Gyanu Uncle has already left the palace and he is no longer Lord Vishnu! So, I guess it doesn't count and this is the man who wants to impeach the Chief Justice because he can't have his way. 

Who cares if he started the culture of  buying our lawmakers, showering them with gifts, cash and tax-free vehicles and even vacations to foreign lands? Our politicians all huddle up in dark rooms in resorts, sip their raksi and make deals left and right to share power and enjoy the loot!

Who cares if his brother-in-law made a bundle when we bought arms from bideshis to fight our rebels? We all know that near and dear ones of our politicians make tons of money when their folks are in power! 

Even our Emperor was not ashamed to share power with the same man who once put a price on his head and is now hell-bent on making sure that his daughter becomes the Mayor! If a game of football was like Nepali politics then you would call it match-fixing and it would be a crime. 

Nepal Police once arrested our footballers for match-fixing and wanted to charge them with treason. How come no one wants to arrest our politicians for treason when they have all joined hands to take this country down the drain?

Deuba should not only keep his astrologers by his side but also hire PR folks and even a coach to learn how to speak to the common folks. At least Gyanu Uncle would nod his head and say 'yes'. KP Oli dreamt about gas pipelines and what not and at least showed us that you have every right to dream big even if you are out of touch with reality. 

Our Emperor tells us that even if his party failed to create any dhamaka in the local elections, the whole country has won because he managed to conduct the first phase of the local elections. And it helps when you have already made billions of Rupees on the side as well. Our Emperor and his family can live like Kings for another century while the comrades who fought for him and his party have nothing.

Deuba thinks that we, the people are beneath him and he doesn't have to be polite and  even try to answer the questions like a politician. He acts like a bully and he doesn't care what the world thinks of him either. He is our Prime Monster.

He doesn't have Gyanu Uncle to fire him again. He doesn't have to answer to the people because he knows that as long as he makes our Constipated Assembly (CA) members happy, they will support him to make billions of Rupees while he doles out millions to our lawbreakers!

Deuba is right when he tells us that he can't bring Oxford University to Nepal. Yes, we should be happy with our Tribhuvan University here. Just because you went to a good school and got good grades doesn't make you a good politician. Just because you are filthy rich doesn't make you a great world leader. 

But here in Nepal, we think the clowns who can spew venom and attack their opponents with gaalis and jokes make great politicians. Maybe, it's time our real comedians joined politics and give our real politicians a run for their money!

Deuba seems to think he is still an angry young man. He is still angry but is now a senior citizen. He promises our senior citizens that he will double their allowances. If our politicians stopped asking for kickbacks from civil servants, contractors and other con artists, then our country would have enough funds to even provide allowances for the unemployed youth as well. 

But here, a few thousand of corrupt hakim sahebs, netas and byaparis run the country like their private country club. We, the people are not welcomed at all. We are here to serve them, be exploited by them and have to pay chiya kharcha everywhere just to get the basic services which are supposed to be free and entitled as being citizens of this country. 

Deuba and his fellow crooks all behave not with humility but with pride for being corrupt and  think that humiliating the public will give a boost to their ego. It seems that our politicians think that this country owes them everything while they owe us nothing. 

We should not stop reminding them that the luxury vehicles they drive around in, the security personnel surrounding them, the fuel and maintenance expenses and even house rent and other perks provided to these chors are paid for by the people of this land and not our chimekis or their agents!

The Nepali Kangaroos should be ashamed that Deuba continues to lead their party and even becomes a Prime Minister for the fourth time. It's time the young folks in the grand old party of this land come together and revolt against the old fogies who don't want to let go. 

It's time all the youth leaders of our political parties work together to throw the same corrupt bunch of thieves out of their own parties.  When we still have people like Deuba around to lead us to hell, then there is no point of whining and bitching about bideshis interfering in our politics! 

The Amrikis have Trump. We have Deuba. Both seem to suffer from narcissistic personality disorder. At least Deuba doesn't consider the media his enemy. Instead of visiting India and China, our King Deuba should first visit the United States of Amrika and meet with Trump. And Deuba should learn how to counter the Trump handshake and even do better than Modi's bear hug. Maybe, a simple Namaste would do!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Police Reform




Our Home Minister, Janardan Sharma is in a hurry to show us all, that he can bring reforms in the police force. Well, we had so many Home Ministers since we became a Republic and all they have done is promote and transfer their near and dear ones to make a quick buck!

Home Minister Sharma had earlier directed the Traffic Police to stop collecting fines from jaywalkers. At least some of us who do have the habit of crossing the road without worrying about the speeding micro won't have to cough up a few hundred bucks anymore. 

But it would have been nice if our Home Minister had also directed our Traffic wallahs to take action against speeding public vehicles and their 'stop-in-the-middle' of the road nataks as well. And let us all feel sorry for them because our Home Minister has cancelled their 15% commission for traffic violation tickets but has promised them extra chiya kharcha. 

Our Traffic personnel will all suffer from respiratory illnesses for the rest of their lives. They should be provided free medical treatment for sacrificing their health to direct traffic in Dustmandu! Maybe our Home Minister should work as a traffic volunteer for a week and then go for a check-up to see the damage caused by having to stand up for hours out on the roads!

Our Home Minister wants to create two new posts in Nepal Police, that of Assistant Head Constable and Senior-Sub Inspector. Why? Because he feels that police personnel won’t get discouraged for having to serve in the same position for quite a while. I don't think we need to add more positions. Why not just promote them to Head Constable and Inspectors instead?

How about cutting down on the bloated upper-ranks where Nepal Police now has positions for 8 AIGS, a whole lot of DIGs , and a more than a truck-load of SSPs. 

Two decades ago, we had two AIGs but it seems that every other Home Minister wants to add more to satisfy their near and dear ones and those who can offer them suitcases filled with cash. And don't be surprised if a SP is in-charge of police beat in the near future. 

And it's about time, our government did something to amend the service term for our police personnel. Instead of the thirty-year service tenure, why not just go with the age limit when our civil servants retire at 58. 

I think it's about time our government also increased the retirement age for our civil servants from 58 to at least 60. It seems that we are losing competent and professional senior police personnel who have to retire due to the thirty-year natak.  It would at least save us billions of Rupees in pensions and other perks as well.

Our Home Minister should also focus on providing adequate resources to Nepal Police. When it comes to our security agencies, Nepal Army and Armed Police Force seem to have their way while the government seem to ignore the needs of Nepal Police when in reality, our men and women in blue are the ones who deal with the public every day. 

And it's about time the government think about what to do with the APF wallahs?  Even the APF folks are confused about their role in New Nepal. Will they be just protecting the border in some ways, guarding foreign embassies and providing security to our chor netas? 

And we really need to train our APF folks not to be trigger-happy and start firing at protesters and killing them. We really need to teach them how to restrain themselves and use other non-lethal means to control protestors. How about a Dohori competition between the security personnel and our protesters?  Now that would be nice, wouldn't it?

Our Home Minister has also promised to end the practice among our police wallahs when it comes to getting promotions and lucrative transfers. Well, that would be great but when we have Deuba as our Prime Monster, it will be really difficult to get rid of corruption and the practice of offering boras of cash to our netas for promotions!  

It's not only Deuba but every other politicians do lobby for their near ones to get the promotion. Some do it because they belong to the same district while most do it for hard cold cash. 

Our Home Minister also wants to end the system of our senior police officers having lower-ranked personnel as their domestic helps.  Well, it's not a new thing to have someone serving as an orderly to higher ranks in security agencies but we have thousands of police personnel working as slaves at homes of current and retired senior officers. 

And it's about time, our senior security officers told their spouses that they joined the security agencies to serve the country and not to get domestic helps to do their shopping and do the dishes and other household chores.

Our Home Minister should also cut down on security personnel providing security to former ministers and even Prime Monsters. We have a new PM every nine months and  yes they do need a vehicle, and a few security personnel to provide them security but we all know how many of them guard our thulo mancheys! 

And why do former Home Ministers who last served like decades ago are still getting free vehicles and dozens of security personnel? Well, our chor netas love freebies and it seems that they feel that if they don't get a luxury vehicle from the state and a dozen police wallahs guarding their homes, they lose face among their near and dear ones. 

This is what happens when our netas see politics as a get-quick-rich natak! Let us hope Janardan Sharma will fulfill his promises and who knows, he might be our next PM and then he can do more than those who have lived in Baluwatar and have so far done nothing! 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Yoga for all!




Let us all congratulate our King Deuba for finally moving to Baluwatar at five in the morning.  Maybe this is the first time His Majesty has woken up this early in his life. But one has to follow the planetary charts or else be condemned to hell. And Deuba is also busy making sure all the Vastu stuff is right in his official residence and in Singha Durbar as well. 

Maybe Deuba should also send his astrologer to Amrika and the guy can give some advice to Trump so that he can stop tweeting, ranting and dismantling everything.

If all our politicians hired Deuba's astrologers then we would not really have any traffic jam in the city.  We need more astrologers like them so that our netas can travel only before five in the morning or after midnight. 

It will also save us a few Rupees of our taxpayers' money since we won't have to pay over-time or mobilize hundreds of cops to take care of the traffic and security for our loafers!

Deuba is already back to his old tricks. Our Election Commissioners wanted luxury vehicles and when the government secretary thought it was a bad idea, they went to Deuba and the civil servant got transferred. Why do our hakim sahebs and netas need luxury vehicles that guzzle petrol like water? Why can't they ask for electric vehicles instead? 

But of course you need luxury vehicles so that you can drop your kids to school, take your wife for some shopping and when Saturdays come, you can take your whole family out for some fun! Life is beautiful for those in power and who have no shame to misuse their authority to drain our national coffer!

And Deuba is here and our netas should be happy because in a few months, he will come up with something to increase the perks for being a Constipated Assembly (CA) lawbreaker. Happy days are here again for our clowns! 

The second phase of the local elections is here. In a few days,  our brothers and sisters will once again vote to elect their mayors, ward chairperson and other local representatives except for the unlucky folk in province 2 who will have to wait till September or even more. Let us hope that our government will be successful in holding the elections again and we pray that we will not witness violence or tearing of ballot papers! 

And we should also remind our voters that they should either carry an umbrella, a raincoat or wear gum boots because once it starts raining then they will have to deal with floods in the plains and landslides in the hills. For our folks in the hilly regions, maybe it would be wise if everybody carried a shovel with them while on their way to the polls because our government will not be prepared to deal with any disasters during the monsoon season. We should all take care of ourselves because the chors and civil servants will not!

Deuba has been busy doing nothing. Well, he participated in a Yoga camp and seems that he is now a changed man.  Deuba could finish a bottle or two of foreign whiskey at one go a decade ago but now he seems to have stopped drinking. He must be trying hard to quit smoking as well. 

Now, he tells us that yoga should be taught to students because it has mental and physical benefits and connects the heart and the brain to make us all a better person. Let us all hope that Deuba will be a big Yoga buff in the coming days and he will use his new-found energy to win the hearts and minds of the common folks as well as his fellow chors!

I think most of our public school teachers should also participate in yoga camps so that they too will turn out to be  better  human beings. Thousands of teachers in government schools have resigned and are now standing up for local elections. Many of our politicians who are now so-called top leaders in their parties used to be school teachers in the past. 

But it seems that the teachers who join politics and become our netas have never taken any moral science classes when they were kids. How can the same teachers who become politicians feel no pain when they direct their cadres to burn down public property and even kill those who hold opposing views?

Or maybe  our teachers should stick to teaching kids and making them productive citizens of this nation instead of joining politics and screwing up the future of the youth while they loot the country and force our young ones to go overseas to be exploited. 

Deuba is right when he also tells us that yoga helps a person to get rid of bad habits and gives one pleasure. Maybe, it should be mandatory for all our civil servants and chor netas to wake up at 5 am in the morning and do yoga for at least an hour every day. 

Yes, all corrupt fools should gather at Tundikhel every morning, sign in the attendance register, do their yoga thing and then who knows, we might finally get competent and hardworking civil servants and politicians with courage and vision.  

If not then we might have to ask Ram Dev to come back to the capital, and organize a yoga-cum-anti-corruption-camp until he gets laathi-charged by our cops as well. 

We do not want bidhesis interfering in our internal affairs but it seems that we have no choice but to ask the Desis, Chinese and other Bidhesis to issue a traval ban on all netas and civil servants in this land. If these clowns can’t travel abroad to waste our money then they might at least stay home and do their homework instead!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Postpone till Eternity





King Deuba has been our Prime Monster for more than a week and he has not moved to Baluwatar yet.  This man seems to be totally dependent on his astrologers when it comes to making any decisions in his life. Maybe we should just ask one of his guru to shift to Baluwatar and run this country. It could save us a whole lot of our taxpayers money. 

I hope Deuba has not been seeking advice from the same astrologers from the time when he was fired by Gyanu Uncle for being incompetent and not holding elections then. But Deuba has nothing to worry about because nobody is going to fire him this time. 

Deuba really believes in Vastu stuff and some of us do as well but maybe he forgets that he is once again our Prime Monster and his decisions will make or break this country.

Our politicians seem to have no idea about the costs related to holding elections. Instead of carrying out the local elections at the same time, our Emperor decided that it would be best if we did it in two phases. Well, that was fine but now King Deuba does not know how to move forward.

Our incompetent government tells us that the local elections in three provinces will be held on June 28 while we will have local elections in Province 2 on September 18th. Once again, Deuba's astrologers seem to have been busy doing their math and coming up with the auspicious dates instead of asking experts, security chiefs and civil servants for advice on how to wrap up our local elections.

The Election Commission (EC) wallahs have already told our Prime Monster that it is not good idea to postpone local elections again. But our politicians only have ears for contractors, con artists and cadres while civil servants only have their say if they are able to provide kickbacks to our netas. 

We all know that the second phase of the local elections will face problems and our Home Ministry has to be fully prepared to make sure that they are able to contain any volatile situations. 

And we will probably witness vandalism and tearing up the ballot papers in many of the places during the second phase. Yes, thank you comrades for inspiring losers to tear up the ballot papers! 

And our Madhesi netas are not happy with the government's decision to postpone the local elections in Province 2 either. They just want the government to amend the constitution and will not participate in the local elections until that happens. 

So, what will Deuba do on September 18th? He will have no choice but to postpone again and again till he once again proves himself to be an incompetent  moron!

So how do we make those opposing the local elections in Province 2 happy? Well, Deuba is a player and he knows the system very well. He should now work hard to make sure he gets all the funds from our byaparis, foreign embassies and other con artists. Yes, buy our opposing players  out! After all, Deuba is good at it. Offer them not boras but truck-load full of cash or buy them apartments in the West for their kids! 

Our ruling coalition tells us that they have no choice but to defer the poll so that they can bring the opposing parties on board and help end the Madhes crisis. We all know that most of the Madhesi netas who are opposed to the local polls are the ones who could not win during the CA elections last time around. 

And they know very well that they are not likely to win this time either but they too have no choice but to act like they are fighting for the rights of the Madhesi people just to save face. 

The reality is these chors have done nothing for Madhes when they were in power except misuse their authority, earn ill-gotten wealth and slap a few civil servants around for not providing them government vehicles when visiting their districts. Well, let us not blame only our Madhesi parties? Our other chors are the same and who really cares about the people anyway?

The Rastriya Janata Party tells us that they will do everything possible to obstruct the elections in the three provinces if the constitution is not amended. 

Well, we have yet to thank them for the blockade last year. We should also thank our government for not filing cases against those involved in murdering our police personnel in Tikapur. Yes, it seems that only lives of our politicians and their cadres matter in this land of ours and for the rest of us, we do not even exist at all!

King Deuba has promised us that he will be the man to wrap up the elections natak. Now, it seems that this buffoon can't even hold the second phase of the local elections on time and how can we be certain that his government will be able to conduct the provincial and parliamentary elections on time?  

Deuba will make a bundle this time again. He really doesn't care about elections at all. He is not worried about his legacy and how history will judge him. Our politicians' motto must be 'loot while you can' because you never know when you will get the chance again to sit on the Kurchi.  

Maybe, we should just request Deuba's astrologers to forget about the stars and the moons. Just tell the Prime Monster to do the right thing for once so that we can forgive him for all his screw-ups in the past two decades that has brought this country to  where it is today.  Deuba, be a giver not a taker! Deuba, be a brave lion not a leech! May Arzoo Didi help us all!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Sheroo Returns!





Our country's most competent and honorable person, Sher Bahadur Deuba is back in the game. And for those who thought 'New Nepal' would bring great changes in this country can all shake their heads in disbelief and wonder why we are still governed by the same bunch of corrupt clowns since the 1990s ? 

Well, we did manage to see what our Emperor and Dr Saheb were capable of but they too couldn't do much. Well, Dr Saheb did manage to widen the roads here and there and our Emperor did his best to fire the Army Chief then, failed and then came back and tried to get the Chief Justice impeached and failed again. Well, he did manage to hold the first phase of the local elections and we should at least congratulate him for that. 

It seems that this man from Dadeldhura is one lucky politician. He can get away with anything and gets to sit on the top kurchi every now and then. Don't be surprised if he once gain becomes our Prime Monster in 2020. After all, he has been our PM in every decade since the 90s. 

When he was our Home Minister more than two and half decades ago, he interfered with the service provision and helped Motilal Bohra to become our IGP. 

Then he reduced the service provision from 32 to 30 years and now Nepal Police is having problems as it seems that SSPs will get to the top seat in a year or two without much experience as DIGs and AIGs.  It seems that nepotism and boras of cash helps our civil servants to reach the top while merit and hard work will get you nowhere.

And recently, Deuba was the man who once again interfered in the promotion of IGP by trying his best to make his man from the Far-West our police chief. Well, that didn't happen and then he asked our Emperor to help him impeach the Chief Justice. Well, that didn't happen as well but it clearly shows that Deuba will do anything to destroy our public institutions for his own self-interest and it is more than likely that he will not stop now. 

Our incompetent government has yet to fill the vacant AIG positions even after Prakash Aryal became our IGP a while ago. Our politicians believe in sharing is caring but only when it comes to power and positions in our government agencies. If you have a few Karods then you can become our CA member or be an ambassador or even head our government agencies. 

No wonder, our  Chudamani Sharma got to stay at the Inland Revenue Department for four years. It didn't make any difference to him who was in power. He had the ability to share the loot and made our Finance Ministers and other politicians rich while he too is reported to be worth billions of Rupees as well. 

And it seems that whenever our high-profile folks get arrested, they fall ill and get to stay in hospitals. Let's hope someday we will have a civil servant who when caught by the CIAA will be ready to spill the beans and provide evidence of giving kickbacks to our politicians. 

Deuba can make deals with anybody to make some dough and share power. The whole country was surprised when he joined hands with our Emperor so that our Renu Didi would be our mayor in Bharatpur. But let's see what happens in Chitwan. Boras of cash will change hands and hopefully Deuba and our Emperor can once again prove us all right that you need lots of bank notes to win votes in this country.

Now,  Deuba is our 40th Prime Monster and gets to live in Baluwatar for the fourth time. And let us all hope that Deuba will do his best to make sure that our lawmakers are well-fed, well-dressed and please offer them tax-free luxury vehicles before we are done with our Constipated Assembly nataks as well!

Deuba is a lucky man. For those who believe that you need to be a great communicator to be a politician, Deuba has proven them wrong. You can mumble your way to the top and keep on reaching the summit numerous times not by winning the hearts and the minds of the people but winning the votes from your fellow lawmakers in the House.  

Nobody really understands what Deuba says but he is a great manipulator and is known to help anyone who will help him to stay in power. The only folks who are happy that he is now our Prime Monster are his brother-in-law, who will probably make millions and even billions from commissions from deals here and there and his near and dear ones who will also get to have some fun while he works hard to make sure that the government find ways to waste our taxpayers money.

Nothing has changed since the 1990s. It seems that in the past three decades, only politicians have gotten richer while the rest of us have been forced to leave the country so that we can make a few Dinars more. 

Our civil servants, contractors and con artists have also helped the politicians to enjoy the loot while the common folks have yet to enjoy the resources and opportunities we thought we would receive in this great republic of Nepal! Long Live King Deuba! 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, June 3, 2017

The Second Phase




Somebody needs to remind our incompetent government that in a week or two, we will be enjoying the monsoon season and it would be better if our Election Commission (EC) wallahs also asked our corrupt chors to set aside some money to hand out umbrellas to those voting in the second phase of the local elections. But that could violate some of our Election Code of Conduct because the person who gets the umbrella symbol might get a few more votes than expected.

Our incompetent government had earlier decided to hold the second phase of the local elections on June 14. Then it was rescheduled to June 23 but then our Muslim community reminded our chors that it would cause them inconvenience because the month-long Ramadan festival concludes on that day. 

It's good that our government has decided to then reschedule the polls for June 28 but it seems that some of our political parties will never be happy and would rather sulk and throw tantrums instead of accepting the fact that if you want to run the show then you have to stand up for election and win and show us what you can do for the people!

Maybe, we should just wait until the monsoon season is over and hold the second phase of the elections in the first week of September. The weather will be at least a few degrees cooler and our brothers and sisters in the hills and the plains would not have to deal with landslides, floods and what not. 

But of course, our government doesn't care. The people in power seem to be ignorant and make decisions based on some late-night drinking session with other chors instead of listening to our experts!

It seems that our Emperor really wants his daughter to win in Chitwan. Let us all congratulate those folks who tore up the ballot papers for showing us that even after a decade of joining the so-called mainstream politics, some of our comrades still behave like that they are back in the jungle. Well, the rule of the jungle is different than the rule of law. 

In the jungle, you are the King and it’s either your way or you just get rid of your opponents. But when you are now part of the political game then you should also learn to accept defeat or if you are worried about losing then make a quick deal with your opponents with boras of cash rather than acting like savages and tearing up ballot papers to make a fool of yourself.

Our Emperor's daughter favors re-polling at Ward No 19 while the UML thinks they are better off with counting the votes while the EC wallahs have no idea what to do. Either they are scared of our Emperor or if they can't decide what to do then just ask our Chief Justice! 

Everybody expected the Bharatpur race to be tight and it’s about time our comrades from both parties sit down together and do what's right instead of sticking to their own demands.  Our comrades who tore up the ballot papers will not be prosecuted. They will be home in a few days because that's how our system works. 

This is the same country where a high-ranking police officer and his men are lynched and those involved in the murders get a free pass because the incident is termed political. It seems that in the name of politics, you can kill anybody and get away with it. No wonder, most of our political parties hire mundreys during elections and even have criminals heading their youth organizations.

We will never be able to get over the so-called civil war that witnessed the death of tens of thousands of folks. Our security personnel and our comrades involved in murder, abduction and torture will never be prosecuted. 

Our Emperor and his friend who embezzled tons of money meant for former combatants will never have to pay back the dough to the State and will not be punished for their nataks either. And our King Deuba who has amassed billions of Rupees in ill-gotten wealth will get to be our Prime Monster again and will continue to enjoy looting us all without having to worry about spending another day in jail again. 

This is not 'New Nepal', this is the same old Nepal but we don't have the Shree Paanch or the Shree Tins, we now have the Shree Aaath where a bunch of chors get to rule the country every nine months and share the loot!

The new Mayor of Kathmandu Metropolitan City and other elected representatives have come up with a 11-point decision to make the capital great again. Mayor Shakya thinks the 'Clean the City' campaign will help to make this city beautiful again. Well, that's great and yes it is nice to hear that we will have free-WiFi around the city but we still don't know what he means when he says that Kathamndu will be a '24-hour Open City'. 

Does that mean, we will have dance bars and night clubs running round the clock which will only benefit the mundrey dons who operate such establishments and our cops who get chiya kharcha from them or does that mean, we will have buses running all-night and our cops will be patrolling our streets till early morning instead of getting drunk by eleven and be out of sight before midnight? 
Well, let us hope our great comedian Oli's brother-in-law will fulfill Oli's dream of connecting gas pipelines to each home and Kathmandu will get a metro-rail and our roads will no longer be dusty and we will have 24-hour water and our sewages will be managed and we can all swim in the Bagmati River by the time our Mayor is done with his first term in office!  

Let us hope our government will be able to hold the second phase of the local elections and finally, our brothers and sisters in other provinces will also get their local representatives as well. And what about Bharatpur? Well, Renu Didi and Devi ji could make a deal and share the commissions on all thekka-pattas in the municipality. After all, that's where the money is!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com