Saturday, September 26, 2015

Bicycle Thieves




Prachanda tells us that he will ride a bicycle around town if things get worse. He should have done that when he was our Prime Monster. Yes, he can still buy a bicycle and ride around the valley if he is really serious about it. 

Cycling is better than playing table tennis with our security personnel every morning. Yes, our Emperor plays table tennis to stay fit. The only thing that will be fit will be his hands and those are only good enough to wave when he makes another rambling speech around town.  

Dear Emperor, tell the government to take back their vehicle, security and other state perks that you seem to enjoy as our former Prime Monster. Yes, start a cycling revolution in the country because all revolutions have failed.  

Maybe we can cut down our trade deficit with India if we can ban all vehicles inside the valley and make it a cycle zone. Our rickshaw drivers will also have enough clients to pay their bills and take care of their families.

Our Madhesi leaders tell us that they will block all borders and highways and make us all pay for not addressing their demands.  Why make the people suffer when it’s the politicians who are not willing to work together to find common ground to resolve their demands?

We can do a cycling tour from the capital to the Tarai. Let us all buy bicycles and ride all the way to the Indian border. Then, we can all stock up on daily essentials and then cycle back home to the valley. 

Well, that could take weeks but at least all of us will get to see other parts of the country instead of just being grumpy and blaming the folks in Madhes for the shortage of fuel, cooking gas and nearly everything else. 

But even if we all wanted to buy bicycles today, it would not be possible because we would need to ask both chimekis to open their borders. The earthquakes have shut down the border in the north and our border in the south seems to be closed because our Desi bhais think it is a security risk due to the crisis in Tarai.

Our incompetent government tells us that we have enough stock of fuel to last us a week or more. But our petrol pumps are shut down and the pump sahujis tell us that they have no fuel. We had a long weekend last week thanks to our government for giving us a new constitution.  

We have a long weekend this week as well. I think it would be better if our public enterprises stay open even during public holidays to ensure that the people get to buy essential goods. Why should NOC stop delivery of fuel and cooking gas just because we have a government holiday?

We all don’t need fuel to go to work. We can walk or cycle to work. The world will not end if you don’t get to ride your motorcycle or drive your car every day. But we can’t do without cooking gas. 

The people are suffering but our government doesn’t care. The government blames the gas bottlers. The bottlers blame the retailers. The retailers blame the Madhesi leaders. And, we the common folks have no one to blame but ourselves for electing such short-sighted selfish pickpockets who do not care about the people but only lust after power.

Sushil Da really wanted to visit New York and relax but he has no choice but to stay home and do nothing. Our incompetent government plans to send a special envoy to India to calm down the Desis.Yes, Modi bhai and his crew are not happy that we have a constitution. 

Instead of sending one of our government ministers to Delhi, why not send Manoj Gajurel? Our comedian can then visit the Red Fort and do a comic show where he mimics Modi and other Desi celebrities. Modi won’t be home but at least, give the folks in Delhi a treat.

I think it’s time Sushil Da just stepped down and let KP Oli be our Prime Monster. Sushil Da has done his part. He promised us that he would be around till we get a new constitution. We have it now, and it’s your turn to keep your word. 

Let Oli handle the current crisis in Tarai. Oli can invite all our Madhesi-Tharu leaders and do a live show on TV where they discuss the demands put forth by our agitating parties. Let us hear what our politicians have to say instead of meeting behind closed doors or visiting foreign hands for their next movie.

We all know that India is the one who holds the key to the successful political careers of our politicians. Our netas have always run to Delhi to seek support for their own political interest. Our netas cannot think for themselves and need foreign advice to run the show. 

We cannot only blame our Madhesi leaders for seeking Desi support. Our major political parties have done the same over the years and it has always been Delhi that dictated the next move for our political parties. 

It’s been the same natak since 2007 BS and it will continue to be so until our netas grow up and learn to make their own decisions and live with them.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com


Sunday, September 20, 2015

Saturday, September 19, 2015

We have a Constitution ?




Yes, it's hard to believe but our lazy buffoons have finally delivered us a new constitution. Our clowns tell us that we should all rejoice and be happy that even thought it took us 65 years , we now have a constitution written by people's representatives. 

Yes, we elected these buffoons and they took seven years and billions of Rupees to come up with a new constitution. So, I guess it was worth the wait. But let's hope that we won't have to deal with another people's movement every other decade and then try to come up with a new constitution again and again.

Our netas are busy congratulating themselves and offering ladoos and sweets to each other.  Yes, take your Selfies while you can. We all know that half the country is shut down and there will be more problems ahead unless our major political parties offer ladoos to the agitating parties as well.

Our clowns tell us that we should celebrate Deepwali early this year because we have a constitution and it will bring us stability and prosperity.  But we all know that it will probably take us a new generation of leaders to take this country forward. 

The current batch of pickpockets and hooligans only know how to drain the national coffer and extort byaparis, civil servants and contractors. They only know how to shut down the country and vandalize public property. 

When time comes for general and state elections, we should promise ourselves that we will vote for the new generation of politicians instead of sticking with these band of thieves.

3rd of Ashoj will be another government holiday from now onward.  I hope our government will stop wasting our taxpayers money by celebrating Prajatantra Diwas, Loktantra Diwas and Ganatantra Diwas on separate days and instead celebrate September 20th as the 'People's Day'.  

Yes, it was great that the Ranas left the building. It was great that Gyanu Uncle left the building. But we will all only light our homes, dance on the streets and embrace each other when this generation of dimwits leave the building as well.

Our incompetent government needs to address the demands of our Tharu-Madhesi and Janjati political parties before we can all be happy and celebrate Deepawali early this year. The government has declared a two-day holiday. Our kids will miss their classes. Our civil servants will get a long weekend and will get to continue their card games and drinking sessions.

Kamal Thapa and his friends decided to vote 'No' to the new constitution but we should also thank them for not acting like savages and going around town burning stuff.  It really does take courage to face the water cannons instead of firing cannons at the security personnel.

He should be happy that we still have the cow as our national animal. Now, he can make himself popular if he can gather all stray cattle in the valley and open a sanctuary for our national animals. 

Kamal Dai will always have a dozen or more seats in the national parliament as long as he goes on a 'Rath Yatra' to energize our Hindu crowd every six months. Do not be sad that we could not officially become a Hindu state. If Kamal Dai wants to gain more votes in the next general election then he should distribute free ladoos and pedas to all Nepalis. 

Ganesh Thapa can also help as he can use some of the funds from ANFA to gift us sweets during Dashain.  It's not only them but all of our politicians who only think of their near and dear ones while common folks get laathis, they get to share ladoos.

We will not have a directly elected Prime Monster or President and there will be no minimum qualifications for one to be a MP or no term limit as well. So all those who have failed SLC can still dream on to become a MP, then a mantri and if you have enough money, muscles and arse-kissing skills then become our Prime Monster someday. 

A person who has only eight years of schooling will still get the opportunity to instruct a government secretary who may have a PhD to do the wrong thing and make money for his or her political party and cadres. The game of looting will continue.

Our agitating parties have decided to call a banda to mark the special day as their 'black day'.  Our Terai has been shut down for the past month and our incompetent government does not seem to be in a hurry to address their demands. 

Our Madhesi-Tharu parties must first promise us that their cadres will stop burning police posts, vandalizing vehicles and lynching police personnel instead of setting preconditions for the government to fulfill before they hang out at some resort for their so-called peace talks. Stop the violence, sit down for talks. Engage in fistfights with other politicians. We won't mind. But leave the public alone. 

KP Oli is probably the happiest person in Nepal right now. He will now get to be our Prime Monster and his mundreys are already salivating over how much they can make from government contracts and postings and promotions of civil servants. 

Sushil Da hopes to be our President. I think it's about time he renounced all worldly connections, threw away his three mobile phones and live out his years as a wandering hermit around Banarasi instead of hanging around till the end. 

Our Emperor took wants to be our President too and Dr. Saheb wants to lead the Mao Inc. to greater heights. I think they should rather work on uniting Baidya Ba and crew and bring along Matrika and Biplav back to their fold.  Our Maoists should know very well that most of us are not giving them a second chance any time soon. 

We gave them a chance to deliver the new constitution but they squandered all the goodwill of the people. Yes, we should all give them the credit for where we are today but they need to change their mindset to move forward. 

Let' s hope that they will do some soul-searching and come up with a new game plan which does not include violence. But please leave the idea of state capture out and don't follow Baidya Ba's master plan to invade India. Both won't work. 

We can't keep blaming India for all our problems. Our Madhesi leaders should also know better instead of hoping for quick cash and support from across the border. 

Yes, the state and the majority of the folks in this land have always discriminated against our Madhesi, Tharu and Janjati folks. Instead of using violence, our politicians should use their brain. Leave your laathis, axes and spears at home. The battle should be in the parliament and not on the streets.

We all know that our politicians have no intention of helping the people. Our Madhesi and Tharu brothers and sisters hope that their lives will be better if we have more provinces but the reality is that politicians will get to make more money and enjoy more state perks while we will have to go overseas and face exploitation just to make a few more Dinars and Ringgits.

Yes, let us be happy that we have a new constitution now but all of us will be a lot happier if our major circus companies also brought along other agitating parties on board.  Once again, congratulations to our lazy bums from giving us a constitution. 

But what matters most for us is affordable food prices, housing and medical care, adequate supply of essential goods and end of bandas so that we can all go to work every day without obstruction and make some money so that we can take care of our families. Long Live The Republic!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Our Big Three Idiots




Our big three idiots need to wake up and smell the fire burning in Terai. We must assume that our loafers of the three major political parties are suffering from ENT infections. They seem to be blind to the fact that protesters are burning down police posts and government buildings in Terai every other day. 

They do not seem to hear the threats of our Madhesi-Tharu politicians. They must be having some problems with their vocal chords because they can't seem to come up with anything that will calm down the protesters. 

Sing a song of peace or crack a joke or dance. Do whatever it takes to stop the 'burning man' festival in this land instead of keeping quiet and making the lives of our folks in Terai miserable.  Maybe, we might have to send our comedians to Terai and host a 'Gai Jatra' festival to cool down the temperature. Yes, our comedians can crack 'Pahadi' jokes and make fun of our big three idiots.

Let our brothers and sisters in Terai have some fun. Let's win this battle not with home-made weapons, teargas and bullets. Let's win the hearts and minds of our folks in Terai with humor.  Don't kill our own folks with bullets, make them laugh and we will all live to see another day. You might tear a muscle or two if you laugh too much but it's better than getting hit by bullets and laathis.

Our beloved President also seems to be busy doing nothing. Well, he was busy the other day swearing in our Chief Saab. Let's hope our new Army Chief General Chhetri will help provide better housing and benefits to our soldiers and provide opportunity for all able officers to get promotion instead of just picking your near and dear ones for promotions and postings like our Shree Tin Maharaja did. 

I think it would be better if our incompetent government send our President and Vice-President  on a goodwill mission to Terai. Yes, if we can deploy our Nepal Army in our own land then there is nothing wrong with our head of state visiting Terai calling for peace. 

We could have asked for Jimmy Carter's help but leave the former US President alone. The old man has already done enough. He is also suffering from cancer and needs to be with his family and friends. Now, whom can we get to broker peace between our Madhesi-Tharu parties and the government?

I guess it's time to cross the border and ask the superstars of Bhojpuri film industry to come to Terai for a grand 'peace' concert and calm down our protesters. Yes, bring in the singers, dancers and even circus clowns. 

Let's have a 'week-long item number' dance festival for our brothers in Terai. Let us ask the byaparis across the borders for a heavy discount for early Tihar shopping for our sisters there. 

Our Madhesi-Tharu leaders will not suffer from this mess. It's the people in Terai who are suffering every day. It's sad that our Madhesi-Tharu leaders have sought help of criminals to burn down Terai. It’s been almost a month now and our incompetent government has either no clue or is just too lazy to resolve the crisis in Terai.

Our clowns are not even on the same page. Instead of bringing all the agitating parties together for a 'time-out' session, our big three idiots are in a hurry to get done with the constitution-drafting process even if half the country go up in flames. 

The only guy who is in a hurry is our King of Mundreys, the great comedian, the man whose gullet can fire bullets, our honorable KP Oli. This guy is really in a hurry to be our Prime Monster. 

If Sushil Da was a smart old man then he would just leave Baluwatar for Banaras to be a wandering hermit instead of staying put and watching half the country turn into ashes. Let KP Oli and his mundreys make peace with our brothers and sisters in Terai. 

I think it's time we called for a half-time break. We already have a cooking gas shortage in the valley even though our government tells us that everything is fine. Well, maybe our gas byaparis want to create an artificial shortage to make a quick buck. 

Our byaparis too are suffering because they can't bring in goods from the border when they need it. Our government is suffering because they are falling down on revenue collection in our custom check points. Everybody is suffering. 

But of course, our big three idiots just want to watch Terai burn and hope that things will go back to normal once everything is turned into ashes. Our Big Three idiots think it would be easier to declare all of Terai riot-hit zones and then deploy Nepal Army personnel and contain the situation.

Our Madhesi-Tharu activists are not going to back down easily. They now know that our incompetent government can't do much even when they go around burning down police posts and government buildings. ijay Gachhadar has warned of bloodshed in the country if the demands of the Madhesi-Tharu political parties are not fulfilled by the government. 

Yes, our former Home Minister has no remorse for the death of our police personnel. He continues to get free vehicle and security from the state and seems to enjoy the perks that comes with being a former Home Minister. It would be better if he sent back the government vehicle and security personnel and instead used his own mundrey gundas for his own security.  

Why do you need state benefits when you want to fight the state? If this man someday becomes our Prime Monster then do expect Ganesh Lama to be our Home Minister. 

I think the best option for now is to ask all protesting parties to give us a break until Tihar. Let us hope our incompetent government will get things right by then. 

We are not only destroying our own economy and making our lives miserable with all these shutdowns and violence but we are also pushing back the rebuilding of this nation. Instead of welcoming hundreds of thousands of tourists back to our land, our protestors are making sure that they stay home. 

Our kids are not able to go to schools in Terai. The people in the valley must also stand up and tell our good for nothing politicians that they have to get their act right now or we must not let them stay in this valley, enjoying the good life with full state benefits with tight security while our own people, be it our protestors or police personnel are suffering in Terai.


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, September 5, 2015

They Just Don't Care About Us




Our Terai has been burning for weeks but our indifferent government doesn't care. Our police personnel are being killed by the protesters. Is it because of police brutality that the protesters are out there lynching police personnel in broad daylight or our politicians have hired goons and killers to do the dirty work?

Our police wallahs are killing the protesters as well. Those leading the protest programs should ask their cadres to protest peacefully instead of arming themselves with axes, swords and other home-made weapons. 

Our protesters can learn a thing or two from Dr KC. You don’t need violence to make the government listen to your demands. Let just hope that your demands are as genuine as Dr KC's.

Our indifferent government is to be blamed for the mess in Terai. They should have known better. They failed to do their homework and they are still failing to assess the real situation and provide adequate resources to the security personnel to contain the violence. We cannot let our security personnel get lynched everyday and keep quiet. We cannot let our protesters get shot and then think it's okay either.

Shooting protesters will not bring an end to the bandas in Terai. It's the politicians who are leading such protest programs who are responsible as well. They only way to put an end to the 'Burning Terai' campaign is to at least get the Madhesi and Tharu politicians to sit down for talks with our incompetent government and stop their protest programs for now.  

Please don't shut down Terai for months and let the people across the country suffer from shortages of essential items. Please do not restrict our movement. Please do not shut down schools and businesses. Our kids need to go to school and we need to go to work so that we can make enough to pay our kids' school fees.

It's about time the intellectuals, civil society members and ordinary folks from all walks of life join hands and take to the streets both in Terai and across the country to demand an end to such violence. Who will benefit from burning police posts and government offices? 

Only the criminals and politicians who support such criminals will get to do whatever they want. They will get to rule with their own set of laws. They will get to extort and kill freely because there will be no police or any government presence in their area. Is this what we want in Terai?

It's sad to hear of such losses every day. Why is our incompetent government silent? Why can't it talk to those leading such protest programs in Terai and work hard to resolve the differences? 

Well, it's because our politicians only care about their petty political interests. They want to make sure that they are in power or they will be in power in the future. It's just a game for our clowns while common citizens have to suffer due to their juvenile antics.

Our incompetent government thinks that the protests will die down once the Madhesi and Tharu activists get tired and then go home. It's the same with Dr KC and his hunger strike. This is not the first time Dr KC is fighting against pickpockets and con artists who want to only profit by opening medical schools in the country without adequate infrastructure. 

He is fighting against those thieves who are affiliated to our political parties, who have invested heavily in the medical education in this country and want to extort from the students by charging whatever they deem fit. 

Dr KC wants to Kill Corruption in the medical education sector. Our incompetent government would rather be happy if Dr KC died and they can go back and grant licenses and whatever needs to be done to let the byaparis make money by opening as many medical schools in the country. 

Yes, that's how our politicians think. Let the people die while they continue to enjoy the loot and share power till we will be left with nothing. 

Our politicians are safe. They get security from the state. They get to meet each other over drinks and boast whose cadres are more violent. They really don't care about the people. 

We thought that our politicians would now see the light and come to their senses after the Big One shook us all. But nope, our parasites have already forgotten the sufferings of those people affected by the earthquakes. 

We thought thing would move forward after we got a CEO of our National Reconstruction Authority. Homes, schools and government buildings will be built. But it seems that our politicians are still stuck with the old mindset where power and money takes center stage while the rest of the stuff are not relevant to their agenda.

The government is supposed to provide security, maintain law and order and open our borders and prevent protesters from bringing the Terai region to a halt. But it just doesn't care. Our President and Vice-President should visit Terai and talk some senses to the protest organizers but of course, our politicians are too scared to visit the 'crisis' zone.  

How do we end the Terai crisis? If it's only about power and money then maybe we, the common folks should offer voluntary donations to those shutting down Terai. Yes, it is not right but it looks like we don't have much option because our government sucks. 

Let the goods pass freely from the border to the capital, so that we won't have to suffer from shortages and be at the mercy of black-marketers who will jack up the prices to make a quick profit. 

Maybe, our police personnel should offer protection money to the protesters so that their lives will be spared and our protesters won't burn down police posts and government buildings.  

Our schools and businesses should offer some chiya kharcha as well so that our kids can go to school and businesses can make some money. After all, this is New Nepal where every con artists masquerading as leaders needs some dough and its us, the people who have to pay.  

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com