Saturday, February 17, 2018

It's Oli Time!




First of all, let us congratulate our uncle KP Oli for getting to Baluwatar for the second time. Let us hope that he will do what's right for the country instead of only taking care of his near and dear ones. 

Yes, we do understand that our netas have to take care of their cadres and cousins but at least The first thing he should do is tell his brother-in-law to stop acting like the King of Kathmandu and do his job as the Mayor instead. 

Please tell the Mayor to not destroy our temples and turn them into fun parks. Yes, we do need green spaces for our couples and coffee shops, theaters and other recreation facilities would be nice but not inside Rani Pokhari.  How about turning our Narayanhiti Palace into a park , so that it could be our 'Central Park' like the New Yorkers have theirs.  

I think our politicians should not forget our history. We have to thank the late Kings of Kathmandu, Lalitpur and Bhaktapur for our temples. If it weren't for our Durbar Squares in these three cities then our bideshi tourists would not even stay a day in Kathmandu. 

They would just land at TIA and then head to their trekking routes or safari or anywhere outside the valley so that they can enjoy their vacation instead of getting used to Dustmandu! 

And our mayors here think that they are doing us all big favors by turning our national heritage sites into food courts and destroying our historic buildings to build concrete towers.  After all, it’s all about the commissions. Contractors pay big bucks for new construction projects while renovation stuff doesn't make much money for our politicians or anyone involved.

The last time Oli was our Prime Monster more than two years ago, he promised to replace all tuins in the country with safer suspension bridges and even allocated more than 3 billion Rupees. But it seems that nobody really cares about the promises made by our politicians. 

Even the media wallahs don't do any follow ups and the public doesn't care much about what our netas say because we all know that our clowns always over-promise and under-perform.

And this time around, Oli has come up with his six point things to do list in his first cabinet meeting. Yes, thank everyone for making our elections a success. Yes, remember our martyrs both known and unknown. 

And the promise to build industrial zones, sports stadiums, and vocational schools all across the country is possible but will not happen anytime soon because our bureaucrats are always slow and looking for making that extra money instead of working hard to implement the projects planned by our politicians. 

Well, we have to thank Oli for at least appointing a woman to head the Ministry of Women, Children and Social Welfare. Let us hope that Tham Maya Thapa will do her best to make sure that our government agencies work to help our women and children instead of exploiting them. We have heard recent stories about our cops acting like dalals instead of protecting women who have been sexually assaulted. 

Our Nepal Police Chief should take action against such police officers instead of acting like a mute spectator.  We hear that Prakash Dai is a tech-savvy hakim saheb. Why not install cameras in all police stations so that our cops who are there to investigate cases are recorded as well so that they do not have the opportunity to make money by asking the victims to take financial settlement instead of punishing the culprits.

It's about time we ask our men in authority how they can continue to be deaf and blind to the exploitations of women and children? How can they be happy and proud when their daughters attend foreign universities in government scholarships and get access to resources and opportunities here and abroad while majority of our women still face obstacles in every step of their lives?

And once again, our hero, Lal Babu Pandit is a mantri. I hope Pandit will do a good job as our minister for Environment and Population. The first thing Panidt can do is go after all our contractors who think they can just dig our roads in the name of Melamchi Water Project and leave big holes and make our streets dusty for weeks and months. 

We need more walking spaces in the valley, not big wider roads. We need more lanes for our cyclists instead of eight lanes for our trucks so that they can speed and hit us all. Pandit can make it happen and our activists who have been working for a cycle city should visit Pandit every day and make our valley, a cycle-friendly capital. 

Our Meowists have not sent any comrades to be part of Oli's cabinet yet. Our Emperor tells us that Oli and his friends should be clear on the 'unity' nataks first. Well, Oli will be our Prime Monster first and then our Emperor will get to live in Baluwatar for the third time. 

Yes, it's all about sharing power and applying the 60-40 formula to keep comrades from both parties happy. We don't know how long the romantic affair will last but let us hope that Oli and Prachanda will finally work for the people as they have been promising for ages.

And Oli can do us a big favor if he provides a million Rupees each to our cricketers for taking us to the World Cup Qualifiers and provide extra bonuses to Lamichane, KC and other players who made that extra effort to take us there. 

Our cricketers are the only ones who are keeping us alive for now!



Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Our Prime Monsters!





The Bangladesi Court has sentenced the country's former Prime Monster to five years in prison. Well, her supporters blame the party in power of bending the law to send her to jail but we all know that most of the politicians in our wonderful 'shark' region are mostly blood sucking parasites and we have yet to see men and women of character running our respective countries.

Across the border, former Prime Monster's have been to prison as well.  Even so-called powerful former mantris in India are now in jail for corruption. But when it comes to our Prime Monsters, we can all be proud of the fact that those who have lived in Baluwatar have been the most honest and competent folks in this country. 

And that's the reason why we don't hear about our former Prime Monsters going to jail for corruption or abuse of power when they were in office. 

Yes, our former Prime Monsters have not stolen a paisa from the State and they have only helped the needy ones with the funds from our state treasury. And yes, some of our former mantris have been to jail but they have been released and continue to act like they came back from a mission to Mars instead of burying their head in shame in their own backyard.  

We seem to have more living Prime Monsters than any other country in the shark region. And we continue to provide them with all the perks that comes for being lucky enough to live in Baluwatar even if it was for less than a year. 

Our civil servants work for thirty years and then retire and get a decent pension. You can be a Prime Monster for a day, a Home Minister for a week and be one of those Chief Justice, Speaker or our VP and President and then you get to enjoy the life of a mini Maharaja till the end.

Yes, our VVIP needs security, free housing, vehicles and allowances so that they will never have to work again ever again. But former Amriki Presidents have to go on hundreds of speaking engagements all around the world, write half a dozen books to make enough money to live comfortably and the only exception will be Trump. 

Yes, they do get a few Secret Service agents for protection and that's about it unlike our VVIPs who go around with more a dozen gun-toting armed security personnel even when attending a child's rice feeding ceremony.  Maybe the Amriki Embassy can help out and help our government create its own 'Secret Service' to protect our very very irritating persons!  

And even now our current Prime Monster, Shree Ek Maharaja Deuba of Dadeldhura continues to amaze us all with this great acts even though he doesn't have much time left to stay in Baluwatar. 

Our former King Gyanu Uncle was a Shree Paanch. Our Ranas were the Shree Teens and our mini-Maharajas just can do the math and come up with their number! Yes, they are all Numero Unos for now! Yes, our netas have screwed up this country by their interfering in everything.  

No wonder, our senior police officers, sarkari hakims, judges and anybody appointed by the political 'quota' system continue to work for the corrupt netas instead of the common folks. 

It's about time we become ashamed of our thulo mancheys because these fools will never repent and are not worried about how history will judge them as long as they make millions of Rupees and make sure that their kids and grandkids live their lives in luxury. Yes, they are doing it for their families but they seem to forget that they are in the authority 

But we can never predict our political nataks like we can't do much about our earthquakes either.  It's been years since we got hit by the big one and the families affected by the earthquakes have yet to live in real homes or even get the peanuts offered by our corrupt government. 

We all know that a few lakhs will not even be enough to build a room or two but our sarkari hakim sahebs continue to use the data from the 19th century when calculating the cost of building materials in this land.  

Most of our civil servants and politicians have mini-mansions in the capital. If we were to do the math on the cost of building the wall surrounding their homes, it would probably cost more than what the government has provided to the families affected by the earthquakes.

Deuba should just relax, finish his whiskey and wait for the next person to enter Baluwatar. But no, he is not a lazy bum like you and me. He is a hardworking man and he will not rest till he doles out millions and millions to his cadres and cousins while in office. 

He will come up with nataks like lowering the age for our folks to receive senior citizens allowances. He will promise another lakh for our families affected by the earthquake even though we don't have the funds. And who will feed our netas in each of our provinces if we only care about the poor and the needy?

And while leaving Baluwatar, Deuba can do us all a big favor by making us all 'martyrs' so that we can all get some dough from the State like all the cadres, cousins and con artists affiliated with our political parties. Or if we were to follow the 'play book' from our Emperor's jhola then don't be surprised if Deuba wants to stick around and hops in bed with the Meowists to share the loot again.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com