Saturday, July 23, 2016

Let it Go!




It seems that politicians in our Shark region want to hang on to power till they drop dead. Our netas never retire until the day they leave Earth for hell. Our national top comedian, Konfused Pampered Oli  does not want to resign even when he knows that he does not have the number to continue to lead the government. 

After all, a week more and you can dole out millions of Rupees from the state treasury to your near and dear ones with utter disregard for the law. And you can transfer your chamchas to lucrative postings before the other guys show up and do their thing. 

Our very own ‘Google Boy’ gets 10 million Rupees for his foundation. It would have been better if we had approached the real ‘Google’ folks to make our golden child their brand ambassador or something instead of wasting our taxpayers’ money. 

KP Oli has done his part. He came, he saw all the problems in this land and conquered our hearts with silly jokes and shared his dreams with us which will probably come true but not from the current leadership but from the next generation of leaders. 

We hope we will have good honest folks leading this country in the next ten years when most of our current batches of thieves go to hell.

The United Mundrey Leaders (UML) and their partners didn’t do much for the country. We had the blockade and those who led the banda programs are now partners in the so-called new coalition that is itching to take over the government and loot some more. 

Our Maoist ministers didn’t do much. I don’t know if they are for the people or they just want to continue to rip off the people like all other mantris who have sat on the kurchis. 

Now, it’s the Maoist, our Morons and the Madhesi Morcha who plan to stick together like the 3M sticky pads for now so that they can share the ministries and make some moolah. 

After all, our political parties do come together only when they get to share the loot and for everything else, they just agree to disagree and waste billions of Rupees on salaries and perks for our clowns. 

Dhir Shumsher uncle had 17 sons and the band of brothers enjoyed the loot. Now we have 17 corrupt traitors who lead our political parties and they continue to enjoy the loot. The players have changed but the greed remains the same.
So will things be different when our Emperor becomes our Prime Monster? 

Nope! According to the new ‘master plan’, our Emperor will become our man in Baluwatar for 9 months and then King Deuba will take charge for another nine. I hope our Emperor does leave after his agreement and let Deuba loot some more. 

But Nepali politics is just another game among the pickpockets. We never know when they will patch up, break up or join hands with another team to just stay in power.  

Our morons are expected to get 12 ministries. Our Maoists will get 8 and then we have the Madhesi Morcha and other fellow minnows that will get a few so that they too can enjoy the lollipop of power.

And what does a new mantri do when he or she goes to the office on the first day? He or she will ask the Government Secretary to find ways to make some money because the mother party needs to make some dough and he or she needs to make some and then there are near and dear ones who need the chiya kharcha and sarkari jagir as well. 

So, the first hundred days will not be spent studying the problems faced by the country and the people. Instead, there will be numerous brainstorming sessions on how to dole out contracts to con artists, lucrative postings for civil servants and grants to cadres. Yes, everyone gets a piece of the pie except the common folks!

Our political parties have signed so many agreements with each other that it’s hard to keep tab on all of it. They never sign agreements to develop the hydropower, tourism and our agricultural sector. 

Instead, we import electricity from India at a higher price. And we continue to have load shedding even though our political parties continue to make a fool of themselves by promising us 10,000 MW of electricity in the next decade.  

We could make billions of Dollars from tourism but our government is not interested to help our tourism entrepreneurs or build the needed infrastructure across the country. Every year landslides affect our major highways and yet our incompetent government is still not interested to provide adequate resources to minimize such obstructions.

Our political parties never sign agreements to stop bandas and vandalism of public property. Recently a school bus in the city was torched. We all know who did it except our government. I guess our police wallahs should be given the authority to at least protect the public from such incidents. Just killing a few dons will not help to get rid of all the social ills in this land. 

Our police wallahs should not just act as mute spectators when savages burn down school buses and threaten the lives of our school children. Don’t just save your bullets to kill another Chari or Ghaitey. 

Use your bullets to protect this land from so-called political cadres who continue to traumatize our kids and make our lives miserable with their banda nataks and violence. 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Frenemies




Our top national comedian Mr Krazy Pompous Oli will soon leave Baluwatar and move to back home to Balkot. In some countries, politicians leave in taxis or their own private vehicle once they are no longer in office but here in our land of ours, the government provides them vehicles for life along with dozens of security personnel, chiya kharcha and more. 

Why do our politicians need thirty or even forty security personnel to guard their homes? I hope our clowns have built a futsal ground in their backyard. Our security personnel do need some exercise once in a while rather than dozing off or using their mobile phones to update their Facebook statuses while on duty.

So what has Oli done for the country in the past nine months as our Prime Monster? Nothing!  And what has the state given Oli in the past nine months? Everything! He will now get better vehicles, dozens of security personnel to guard his residence and provide security for him wherever he goes. He will continue to get millions of Rupees for medical treatment here and abroad. 

It seems that our politicians only want to be our Prime Monster so that they can get life-time perks that comes with having slept at Bauwatar be it for a few months or a few years.

It’s good to be a politician in a land where the people are submissive and have the courage to continue to adapt to all the hardship brought on by the lack of leadership of our politicians. It’s good to be a politician in a land where you can continue to steal billions of Rupees meant for the people and get away with it. 

Our politicians do have thick skin and a strong spine. The media does try hard to publish stories of corruption and abuse of authority but it seems that it does not really affect any of our politicians and civil servants.  They are not ashamed of their misdeeds and they do not have to abide by the law even when the Supreme Court tells them to do so.

I think we should have a law that bars state perks to our politicians who spent less than a year in office. We could save billions of Rupee by not having to provide luxury vehicles, security personnel and other chiya kharcha to our chors who had been in office for less than a year but seem to enjoy all the perks till they drop dead.

And it seems that our politicians are only good at math when it comes to figuring out how much heads they need to topple the government and form a new one. How come they do not do the math when it comes to our trade deficit with India. 

We seem to export less than a billion dollars worth of goods whereas we import six times more. Maybe, if we had not increased the salaries of our civil servants, our food prices would not have jumped by more than 20% in a month.  There will come a day when our bank notes are deemed worthless and we will be using it to pack peanuts and chat-patey. 

It seems that we, the people should learn from our politicians. Look at our Emperor and the Pajero King. Once enemies, they are now in love with each other. So, we the people must also learn to forgive our neighbours. Don’t carry a grudge just because the other person failed to invite you for his daughter’s wedding. 

Once, Deuba put a price on Prachanda’s head and our Emperor wanted to put a hit on the King. But today, things have changed. Today, there are lovers and they will enjoy the fruit of their labor of toppling Oli’s circus show by sharing the top kurchi. 

I think it’s a good thing that both Prachanda and Deuba will be our Prime Monsters in their ‘sharing is caring’ natak. Both have been our Prime Monsters and we can save at least a few Rupees because we don’t have to give a whole load of state perks to a new jerk. 

Our Emperor could not do much in the nine months he lived in Baluwatar. He left office like a juvenile delinquent just because he could not fire the then Army Chief. Our King has been Prime Monster again and again and if it weren’t for him, many of our former lawmakers would have to take the Micro instead of still driving around in tax-free luxury vehicles.

The musical chair of power sharing will continue and we can’t do a thing about it. We will probably have a new CEO heading the National Reconstruction Authority. Our brothers and sisters who were displaced by the earthquake and who lost their loved ones will continue to be denied compensation because of our lazy inefficient bums. 

But life goes on. We, the people have always suffered and will continue to suffer miserably. Our politicians will continue to not give a hoot to all of the problems faced by the common folks, but will continue to enjoy the loot and will have no qualms to give orders to shoot at protesters demanding reform of the corrupt system. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com