Saturday, March 31, 2018

Comrades No More!




Our Emperor Prachanda has proven time and again that he is a magician and has unlimited magic tricks up his sleeves. When our experts think that he has lost his way, our great magician comes up with a new trick to surprise us all. 

He had a bromance with Deuba, the same man who had once put a price tag on his head. The only reason for hopping in bed with our Maharaja from Dadeldhura was to help our Renu Didi become the Mayor in Chitwan. Then he switched sides and became besties with Oli so that his party would still remain relevant.  And let us all thank him once again for making his daughter in law a mantri.  

Yes, we need women to be our Mayors and Mantris but there must be more competent and worthy candidates that only your family members. But who cares? As long as the chairman is carrying both the carrot and the stick, it's his way or the highway!

It doesn't matter if you are a Panchey, a Kangaroo or a Maoist or anybody. Nepotism runs deep in our blood and afno manchey still takes center stage rather than ramro manchey. We are still waiting for the day when our politicians finally decide that the best way to take this country forward is by ending corruption and not by taking kickbacks from contractors, asking for extra boras of cash from civil servants for lucrative transfers and promotions and doling out state funds to cousins and cadres. 

We are still waiting for the merger of the two communist parties but it seems that it will take forever for that to happen. Now, our Emperor wants a 50-50 deal instead of what was agreed upon before the election.  

Are our comrades really communists?  Well, they certainly were when they were starting out, fighting against the Pancheys. But things have changed now. Our Emperor needs a big mansion and security tighter than Amriki President because he is so stressed out with all the nataks of the land. Some time ago, he was okay with living with other comrades and eating a few rotis. Now, bidhesi whiskeys and bidhesi agents seem to have taken most of his time.

Look at the UML wallahs. Most of them seem to have interests in our private medical colleges, NGOs and other businesses. Maybe, they seem to have forgotten the commie books they started out reading back in the days. I think it's about time our comrades forgot about Marx,Lenin and Mao. 

Even the Chinese don't really talk about Mao these days. It's the era of Xi now. And Lenin and Marx may be superstars for our commies but the young ones know more about Messi than Pele. And it's about time our comrades honored Puspa Lal, Man Mohan and Madan Bhandari and maybe add one of the late comrades from the Maoist side as well instead of Marx, Lenin and Mao. Why have old late bidhesi budas hanging on the walls of our comrades?

Our politicians talk about foreign interference and what not but are happy with bideshi faces on their walls. Why not have our own folks, who have sacrificed their lives to fight against the system stare at us in disgust from the walls?

Our comrades are also confused about the election symbol. The UML have their 'sun' while our Maoists still want to stick with their hammer and sickle inside a circle. I think our comrades should just consider them opportunists like our Kanagroo, Madhesi and other janjati netas. All our politicians are crooks who only care about how to enrich themselves by looting us all. 

The taskforce assigned to take care of the unity business has put forward the proposal of  having two chairperson, a 33-member standing committee, a 99-member politburo and a 299-strong central committee. 

Why on earth do you need so many committees and so many people  to run the show? It' s just the waste of money as you have to order milk tea and samosas every time, these clowns meet for no apparent reason.  

I think our so-called commies should just get rid of the 'communist' model of standing and politburo nataks and just have a lean, mean working machine. Why not just have a central committee of 165 folks representing the constituencies in the House? 

And thanks to the Maoist, the UML is ready to scrap their own 'above 70' and you are no longer in the driver seat rule! Why do you still want to stick around after 70? It's about time, our young politicians in all our political parties fight against the 'make or break your own rule'  to satisfy a few old men. 

Yes, all political parties should have the '70' rule where once you reach 70, you become a senior mentor and not hold any leadership position in the party. Let the young turks run the show, the old saints should move to Vanarasi or Venice depending on how much you managed to loot from the State.

So let us not get hung up with the 'communist' tag. I think our comrades should just call themselves capitalists instead. Our Emperor seems to have business interests in cooking gas, departmental stores and many other businesses across the country. 

It's not like our communists still live in commune and wants everyone want to work in collective farms. Most of them live in mansions, drive around in luxury vehicles and hold investments in property and businesses. Why are we still being governed by fake communists, socialists and opportunists?  We are all capitalists. Let's not be afraid to come out of the communist closet and be happy with who we really are!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, March 24, 2018

The Chief Ministers




Our seven Chief Ministers (CMs) recently met with Oli dai and vented their frustration on not being able to be our Maharajas in the provinces.  Oli has promised full support to our CMs when it comes to giving them the funds, authority and human resources to allow the provinces to run their show.  But Oli knows very well that as a politician, he is better at giving assurances rather than fulfilling the promises he makes. 

Our Mayors think they have the final say in their municipalities. Our Chief Ministers think they get to run the whole show in their provinces while folks at the federal government know very well that they will be running the show and they will make sure to undermine the power of the elected representatives at the lower levels. 

We have no one to blame but our civil servants for this mess. Our hakim sahebs should have done their homework and finalized everything before we had conducted our elections. They should have advised our good for nothing clowns that we need to first build a bridge so that we can cross the river easily instead of jumping into the river, hoping that the strong current will carry us across to the other side.  

We know that our politicians are clowns who really know nothing about governance and rule of law. They are in it only for the money but our civil servants should know better.  After all, these buffoons have been around since the days of the so-called democrats, then the Gyanu Uncle 'Happy Hour' days and now the federal rip-off-the-public show.

Our civil servants are the ones who help our clowns to run the system efficiently but it seems that in our land, our sarkari hakims are the ones who wants to create obstacles everywhere for their own benefit while making our lives miserable. And politicians are ignorant fools who would rather listen to a hakim saheb who can bring some dough rather than the ones who really want to do something good for this country.

Our netas were in a hurry to get done with our local, provincial and federal elections so that they could pat themselves on their backs for getting done with the election nataks. Prachanda and Deuba acted like they deserved a Nobel Prize for conducting our elections. Will they also take responsibility for the failure of the government to provide adequate resources, staff, infrastructure and legal authority at the local, provincial and federal levels?

It seems that our civil servants are still not ready to head to the provinces and carry out their duties. And our provincial lawmakers know very well that they are in a difficult position when it comes to naming the provinces and deciding the capital as well. 

We will see many unhappy folks burning tyres, destroying public property once our provincial government decides on the capital and name for our provinces. Hope, our provinces have enough fire engines and security personnel ready to control the protesters and their violent nataks. 

On paper, our Chief Ministers are almighty and powerful but they are still not being able to misuse their authority to enrich themselves and their cousins and that's what seem to piss them off. Yes, our Chiefs have vented their frustration to Oli for not being able to ride around in new vehicles. 

Our Election Commissioners are riding around in luxury vehicles but our elected representatives who now have the authority to lead their respective provinces have to do with old vehicles for now. Give our Chief Ministers new luxury vehicles and drain a few more Rupees from our State Treasury. And we need millions more to provide housing to our Chief Ministers and his mantris as well. 

Our provincial governments don't even have permanent offices for our Chief Ministers and his courtiers. How long will they be housed in other government offices? We don't even have residences and offices for our mantris. We don't even have a building to gather our provincial lawmakers to decide on the future of our provinces. We don't even know how we will fund the costs of all these nataks? 

We have yet to find a politician who wants to save us a few Rupees. Don't be surprised if our ward chairperson starts to demand a vehicle to drive around their wards to check for potholes. It seems that those in power just want free lunch and make us pay for it. Why can't they pay for their lunch sometimes? Why do our thulo mancheys need luxury vehicles. Fuel and repair costs are high for these vehicles. Why not go green and buy electric vehicles instead? 

Sophia, a humanoid robot was in town and she seems to have higher IQ than most of our politicians. A robot sees lots of potential and possibilities for the people and the country of Nepal.  Maybe, PM Oli should ask the company from Hong Kong to make another robot for the Prime Minister's Office. 

I think it will save us time and money in the long run and the robot will probably give better advice to whoever lives in Baluwatar rather wasting millions on hiring dozens of advisors. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com