Saturday, May 19, 2018

The 'New' Communists




Let us congratulate Oli and Prachanda for finally merging their two parties to create a big fat Communist party in the country. Yes, it took them seven months of chiya guff, whiskey talk and what not to finally get their thulo mancheys together to agree to create the biggest left party in the nation. 

And let's hope that we will finally have free education, free healthcare and lots of freebies from our communist government. But our communists are fake and most of them have invested in schools and hospitals and in the transportation sector. So let us not expect our communists to act like communists because they are just capitalists wearing the 'communist' tag.

The UML needed the Maoists to take control of the parliament and our Emperor knew very well that he had to tag along with the UML to be relevant and continue to enjoy power.  

That's politics and if the UML had not started their fling with the Maoists then Sher Bahadur Deuba would have been our Prime Monster for a few years and then Prachanda would enjoy his stay in Baluwatar as well. It seems that Prachanda will be around for a while and continue to enjoy his power, whiskey and mint some more dough along the way.

Oli and Prachanda tells us that the UML and the Maoist Center no longer exist and we now have the Nepal Communist Party to lead us to prosperity. Biplab Dai will continue to do his voluntary donation or will bomb your gate nataks for a while. I think the new party should just call him for lunch and make him a mantri. After all, Nepali politics is all about money and has nothing to do with serving the people at all. 

The new party now has two chairperson and other seven folks in the central secretariat and has four folks who have lived in Baluwatar.  Our comrades tell us that all properties owned by the two parties will now be transferred to the new party.  

If our comrades were real communists then they should also transfer all properties and cash made from illegal means while in power to the party itself. Then, the Nepal Communist Party (NCP) will probably be the richest political party not only in Nepal but also in the world as well. The party will also have investments in colleges, hospitals, transport, media, cooking gas and even supermarkets as well. 

The comrades will have a 441 central committee members and forty plus standing committee members. There won't be much problem filling up the central committee slots as they already have the same number of folks in their old central committees but it would be interesting to see how they will manage the standing committee quota. It's not easy to make everyone happy.

The NCP tells us that they are all about people's democracy and socialism but in practice our comrades and all other political clowns from other political parties do not care about the people and only engage in crony capitalism to enrich themselves, their cousins and their cadres.

Our Emperor tells us that the merger of two parties is like formation of water, a combination of hydrogen and oxygen. Let us hope they don't add carbon dioxide and make it a carbonated water. We just want plain clean drinking water, comrades!  Our netas have always promised us stability, peace and prosperity. 

We might have political stability for now but many of our folks are still threatened by underground militant outfits in the plains. We also have the Biplab Maoists doing their share of nataks. And prosperity is only for the clowns, civil servants and contractors and not the common folks. 

Prime Minister Oli tells us that the new party is not a tempo but a jet and needs two pilots. But let us not forget that our tempos are environmental friendly and either uses gas or electricity while jumbo jets burn lots of fuel. And let us hope that the two pilots will agree to take off and land the jet as planned and not try to do it their way and screw it up for all of us.

And thanks to our Prime Minister Oli, who has done us all proud by showing us all that no matter how much our politicians bark, at the end of the day, they have no choice but to bow down to the Desi Uncles. 

And it's about time somebody asked the Indian Embassy for an explanation on our 'flag' fiasco as well. Modi came, had some fun and went back home. NaMo and Oli finally laid the foundation stone for the Arun III hydropower project, the same project our comrades had protested against then and the World Bank had decided to withdraw from it more than two decades ago.  

Let us hope that the Desi developers will finish the project on time instead of lingering around for decades and doing nothing. But at the end of the day, we have no one but our own netas and civil servants to blame for all the mess. We can't even spend our own budget on time and then we waste billions of Rupees at the last month of the fiscal year!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, May 12, 2018

The Good, Bad and the Ugly




The Good thing about having India as our chimeki is that we don't need a visa to cross the border. And of course, the Indian don't need one either. If the Desis think that they are like Americans then maybe we should consider ourselves Candians. We are much friendlier and laid back while the Desis do want to rule the world someday and do act like the Amrikans in the SAARC region. 

They want to be a superpower while we don't know what we want to be. Thanks to our incompetent government, we are not being able to capitalize on the middle-class Indians and Chinese who could visit our land and spend some dough.  We are not talking about a few million, we are talking about hundreds of millions of Chindians. 

We mostly get Indian tourists who book a bus, throw a few cylinders of cooking gas on the roof, bring their own food supplies and have picnics along the highway as they come to visit our temples or those who come for a few days to have fun in our casinos and that's about it. Maybe, we need to ask the Ambanis to host a wedding party for one of their kids in Chitwan or Everest or Pokhara. 

Let us ask Jack Ma to visit Nepal and tell us his stories at Bouddha.  If we had really good officials at our Ministry of Foreign Affairs then we would have asked Prince Harry to plan his honeymoon in Nepal.  Our Nepal Tourism Board has millions of Rupees in its promotional budget and we don't know where they spend it. 

Just attending travel expos or placing ads on buses in Western countries is not enough. Why not give a free trip to Nepal to each person from each country in the world? And we, the people can provide free room and board for the promotional campaign. 

But it's sad, that most of the tourists don't even spend ten dollars a day while visiting our land while domestic tourists spend five times more in Chitwan, Pokhara and even Rara.  Maybe, we should have a rule for our citizens as well, that makes it mandatory to visit at least one rural district other than your own and get a stamp on your special passbook before you can go abroad.  It could help us bond with our brothers and sisters and as well help to bring in some dough in the local economy. 

We need tourists who can spend more so that our government can make more from taxes, our byaparis can have a decent return on investment and millions of us can find jobs in the tourism sector. Yes, we really need to learn a thing or two from Bhutan when it comes to making money from the tourists. 

It's about time Oli and Modi sit down and work on a wall so that we don't hear about Indian border security forces throwing away the border pillars and harassing our citizens in our own land. Instead of an open border, it's time we regulated our border and kept track of all those who use our checkpoints, be it our own folks or the bidehis. I think this will make both countries safer and we can also help our citizens who may need help across the border if we at least have some information about where they were heading. 

It's sad but true that many of us do pay tons of money to visit India for medical treatment. We, the people pay cash while our corrupt netas use the taxpayers' money to fund their treatment.  Our civil servants and netas should learn a thing or two from the Desis when it comes to medical and other education institutions. It's about time, our incompetent government asked the Desis to help us set up schools like IITs and IIMs in Nepal. 

We can have seven such schools in each of our provinces and select the best of the best. Instead of allowing only byaparis to open medical schools, it's about time, the government asked for help with our chimekis to open medical schools run by the government. It's not only about asking the Desis for help. We can also ask the Chinese to pitch in. 

Millions of our brothers and sisters do work in India and they do their best to support their families back home. But they don't get any respect neither in India nor in Nepal. Yes, washing dishes in Japan will help you earn more than if you do that across the border. But work is work and even a few Indian Rupees helps to provide for families in our villages. It’s about time. we have a database of our folks who are living in India and contributing to our economy as well.

Yes, the Indians have their special agents in the capital taking care of business.  Yes, most countries have their intelligence folks doing their stuff in foreign lands except ours. Do, we have our special agents in Amrika or even in Delhi? It's time the Desis change the name of their intelligence agency from RAW to something that sounds a little bit more scarier like the CIA or Mossad.  And we need to revamp our intelligence services as well. 

After all, except for our land, all countries in the world first look after their self interest and then only figure out how to help their chimekis. For our government, our civil servants and our politicians, it is the other way round.  Let us hope Modi will have a good time here and Oli will use his tricks to get us more than the usual cheap gift hampers. 

Maybe, we need some help with setting up a nuclear plant. If the Desis are not willing to help, just call the French. Now, that could finally help our chimekis to listen to us once in a while!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com