Saturday, June 25, 2016

All Fake Things Must Come to an End!




Everything seems to be fake in his land of ours. We have fake pilots, fake doctors and fake engineers. I guess these folks just wanted to follow their dreams so badly that they had to resort to such nataks. 

It looks like we might have to ask for original certificates attested by the government whenever we visit a doctor, fly on a plane or if we have to build a house or a bridge for the community.  There are thousands of doctors in this land. There might a few hundred who have fake SLC or ISc certificates. But the fake ones give the real ones a bad name. 

But we should tell them that they should not lose hope. So what if you can no longer fly a plane and have to stay on the ground instead of the air?  You can still work at the counter and sell tickets and at least give a better orientation to the passenger on the flight time and what you can see up there. 

Yes, you can no longer practice medicine or your specialty but you can still be a health worker and assist the doctor in some ways possible. At least that would help folks in the rural areas where witch doctors continue to rule and get to eat the chicken and local moonshine. 

Yes, go to our hills and mountains and work at our health posts and you can always refer the patients to the doctors if they suffer from major problems. But for simple headaches and stomach problems, a health worker can do much than the quacks in the villages.

Well, you might not be allowed to build a house or a bridge or even pave the road but you can still walk around carrying the big ruler or a measuring tape for another engineer. You can still be close to your dream or you can go back to school and do it all over again and show us that you really want to do it the right way. 

I think our fake fakirs should just join a political party and be a neta. After all, you really don’t need any certificate at all to be a neta. You don’t even have to pass high school. There are probably a million netas in this land and all of them are fake. Yes, we have yet to find one genuine leader in this land. And we have seen it all. 

Even having a PhD won’t make you a leader. And just because you are eight-class pass doesn’t make you a neta either.  All these politicians only know one thing. They know how to talk gibberish and they can go on for hours while for the most of us, our conversation will end in less than a minute or two. 

But for our netas, they can talk and talk but will never walk the walk. They are not doers . They do not get things done. They would rather break things up for their own personal gain. They would sell this country to the highest bidder. They do not care about the people at all. 

They are in it for make as much illegal money as possible and leave the country in tatters. So, our netas are evildoers and maybe we might have to find a witchdoctor who can get rid of all the evil in this land with just a help of a cock and a bottle of local raksi.

And the funny thing in this country is that when the government takes action against such fake fairs, we get bandas instead. Yes, some of our hospitals are shut down because these folks are not happy that the government wants to punish fake doctors. Our cooking gas bottlers give us faulty cylinders The cylinders explode and folks die. 

The government wants to punish the gas wallahs but instead the gas wallahs threaten to shut down their business. It’s the same with the bus wallahs. Our transport mafia ply old rusty buses on the road and get away with it. They fix their prices and the government can’t do a thing about it. We, the common folks are the ones who get the short shift.

It seems that our byaparis can get away with fake VAT bills and evade taxes. It seems that our private school wallahs can continue to fleece parents in the name of education. It seems that folks can sell adulterated stuff be it fuel or food and nobody can do a thing about it. Who run this country anyway ?  

Is it our stupid corrupt clowns or lazy civil servants or shady contractors or stone-hurling cadres? No, this country is run by fake fakirs who continue to break the law and can get away with it because they pay off our netas and sarkari hakim sahebs. And these corrupt buffoons don’t want to kill the golden goose because if they do then they will be without dough and without the dough, they will be without power and without the power, they will be just another Nepali. 

And our netas are not just another ordinary Nepali like you and me. They are special. The country owes them everything while they owe nothing to this land and its people. That’s how it is and we need a million Dr KC if we want to get rid of evil in this land. Until then , we will continue to be ruled by clowns and we have no option but to enjoy their circus acts even if it means losing your wallet, life savings , your house and in the end, your own country!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Naya Shakti



Amrika has Bill & Hillary. What do we have? We have our own Baburam and Hisila. Bill used to be a dirty young man who liked to chase other women. Today, he is running around campaigning for his woman to be the first naari in the White House.  Well, he also has his own foundation that works to improve global health and provide opportunities for women as well. 

Our Baburam used to be a smart young man who wanted to change this country.  Today, he is running around trying to persuade us that his new political party, Naya Shakti ,  will solve all the problems in this land.  Bill has charisma and he got away with anything because of it.

Baburam has Karishma and if our Kollywood superstar continues to host any of the programs of Naya Shakti then his party might get nothing. With due respect to Karishma, but why did no one ask her to do her homework, and maybe a rehearsal or two before making fool of herself? 

I think it would be better to stick to Nepali rather than trying to impress us with Angrezi words.  And please make sure you get the names of bideshis right instead of trying to figure it out at the last minute. But we have to give her some credit for it is not an easy job to speak in front of thousands of people. And  Pradeep Giri should be happy that he has been awarded a honorary doctorate and his ancestors were actually Bhattarais.

When Bill was busy smoking a cigar with an intern at the White House, Baburam was busy writing the 40-point demands. But did Dr Saheb fufill those demands when he was living in Baluwatar?

Our border with India is not controlled yet and vehicles with Indian plates are free to roam around the country.  We are still stuck with the old treaty with India. Our young lads continue to service in the British and Indian Army. It would be better in terms of pay and honor if we offered to contribute a strong 100,000 force to the United Nations as rapid reaction force anywhere in the world instead. 

Yes, maybe we can just disband the national army in this country and just make it a UN force. At least half of our soldiers won’t be sleeping in bunkers then while only senior Army officers get to have all the fun. At least our soldiers will get a few thousand dollars and our Generals can make ten times more if we just became a standing UN force.

Baburam wanted the government then to institute work permits for foreigners. When he was our PM, he must have forgotten about it. He did not want foreign investment then but signed BIPPA with India. And whatever happened to banning everything Hindi from cinemas to magazines and what not? Or we can watch Hindi movies with our actors doing the voice-overs.

We do have a new constitution but what good is it if our Madhesis and Janjatis are not happy with it?  Our comrades then wanted all special rights of then King and his family to be ended but Gyanu Uncle continues to get security from the state. 

Well, if all our mini-Maharajas get thousands of security personnel for their security then giving the Ex-Maharaja some should not hurt the state.  After all, we the taxpayers have to foot the bill anyway.

We are a secular state today but Kamal Thapa is not happy with it and it looks Khum Bahadur, the corrupt convicted Congressi is getting all the love from some folks across the border. The only good thing about the 40-point demands then was that daughters should be given equal property rights as sons. 

But the discrimination and exploitation based on caste continues even today. We hear about folks accused of being witches are made to eat human waste and suffer physical assault. The state does nothing about it.

It’s funny that Baburam wanted to hang all the dalals in the land and have their property confiscated but when our comrades came into power, it was the dalals who got closer and made more dough as usual. Swiss voters rejected the guaranteed income proposal recently but our comrades had wanted a stipend for all and guaranteed work twenty years ago. What happened to that natak when they were in power?

The government has yet to control inflation and daily essential goods are no longer affordable to common folks. It seems that our purchasing power declines every year whereas the net worth of our clowns, civil servants and contractors increase every year.

So what did we learn from Baburam’s demands from twenty years ago? That coming with the demands is easy but implementing is difficult even for those who demanded such stuff and then came to power and had the authority to implement their own demands.

So can Naya Shakti really change Nepal? Nope. Half the members of the new party are former Maoists and they want a leftist party. The other half are former civil servants and common folks who just want a democratic party that follows the rules. We all look at Baburam and see a smart Phd wallah. His only claim to fame is that he was a SLC board first once. Yes, he has the brains but does he have the balls? After all you need both money and muscles to be a power player in this land.

Hillary is more than likely to be the next Amriki President if she can convince all the minorities to vote for her instead of a shady businessman who wants to be the next Hitler. Will our Hisila did be the first naari PM in our land? Nope. I sometimes feel sorry for Baburam. Yes, he is man of simple taste. 

He is not in it for the money. Two daal and some saag is his staple diet. But Hisila didi is something else. She is a strong woman and we must give her credit for her sacrifice to fight the system even though she came from a well-to-do family. But then, when once in power, she was no different than our Sujata auntie. 

Naya Shakti is the new kid in town. The old bullies, our Kangaroos and Unidentified Mundrey Leaders are still around. Our Maoist and Madhesi parties will continue to share the loot with the old bullies. So if Naya Shakti really wants to change this country then first Baburam should apologize for the violence of his old football team where he was one of the leading midfielders. 

And if he really wants to bring peace and prosperity to this land then all those who are above 60 in his new party should have no active role except for being mentors to the young generation.  Baburam should also find another emcee for his programs and Hisila Didi should stop her corruption and nepotism nataks as well if Naya Shakti really wants to win the hearts and minds of the common folks.


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com