Saturday, April 30, 2016

Confused Ignorant Arrogant A$$****s (CIAA)




For the time being, Obama is still the most powerful person on Earth. Once he leaves office, he will just be another guy who has to work for a living by writing memoirs for millions of dollars and raking the moolah from speaking engagements. 

And it looks like Amrika will elect either the first woman President or a stupid racist jerk. They have never had a woman in the White House but they have had quite a few stupid jerks living there.

 But who is the most powerful person in Nepal? No, it's not our Prime Monster Oli or our Madame President. Oli is busy trying to figure out how many days he has left to live in Baluwatar. 

During his free time, he only thinks about how to connect gas pipe lines to each household in the country or how to harness wind power to end load shedding once and for all. 

Yes, our corrupt netas only think big because that's where they can make some dough. They are not interested in rebuilding the homes destroyed by the earthquake because they are still figuring out how to share the aid amongst themselves. They are not interested to hold local elections because they are happy with the all-party mechanism sharing the development budget amongst themselves. 

Our Madame President is the Supreme Commander-in-Chief of the Nepal Army. I think it would be great if she donned a military uniform and made herself a five-star General. She seems to be busy cutting ribbons here and there. 

I think it would be better if she was also interested in how our Defense Minister, Bhim Rawan is busy wasting our tax-payers money by using the army helicopter for personal visits across the country. 

I think it’s about time our politicians stopped using army helicopters for their personal use. The Prime Minister's Office should buy at least six helicopters for the use of our corrupt politicians. Oli should be allowed to make millions of rupees in commission as he leaves Baluwatar. 

Our army helicopters should be used for natural disasters, and if our Madame President is bored then she can take one to Nagarkot or Pokhara for some R&R. 

I guess our Confused Ignorant Arrogant A$$****s (CIAA) do not look into such matters because they don't seem to be interested in investigating abuse of authority but rather going after low-level civil servants and those who seem to have protested against the appointment of our Superman Lokman. 

It has been ten years now since Gyanu Uncle folded his cards and had then reinstated the House of Representatives. Those who were top civil servants then and who had worked hard to suppress the people's movement are still in top positions in the government. 

We have a new APF chief now. The man has been accused of playing his part in suppressing the people's movement then. It was Gyanu Uncle then who called the shots. Today, we have our mini-Maharajas who are having all the fun. 

Don't be surprised if our new APF chief uses his experience from ten years ago to suppress the Madhesi movement. After all, our security personnel have greater skills in booting and, if not, shooting at the protesters. 

Lokman used to be our Chief Secretary when Gyanu Uncle was at Narayanhiti. How come our buffoons could not find another honest person to head the CIAA and had to settle for the same old corrupt civil servant from the previous regime? 

And Lokman thinks going after Kanak will solve all the corruption problems in this land. Kanak is not a politician. He happens to be the chairperson of Sajha Yatayat and our incompetent government owns 75% of the shares. 

If he has made some money from any kickbacks while running the Sajha buses then the CIAA should go after him. What he does with his other ventures is actually not under the jurisdiction of the CIAA. 

Lokman should pick on someone his size. He should go after our so-called top leaders of our major political parties and not journalists who protest his appointment and his nataks. Our netas are not happy that Kanak gets dollars from our bidhesis to run whatever he wants to run. 

But it seems that the CIAA has found no evidence of any wrongdoing by Ganesh Thapa who managed to make a few million dollars by stealing the funds meant for ANFA. Ganesh Thapa is still our lawmaker. He must have paid off most of our thulo mancheys so that he could be left alone. 

And Kamal Thapa, the man who was our Home Minister during Gyanu Uncle's fun fest is our Deputy Prime Monster today. And he was not happy with Bista Jr and his natak so he kicked him out and has placed Resham Lama as a mantri. 

Who is this guy? Well, the man from Kavre is the guy who is a Godfather to our don Ganesh Lama. Go figure. Mundreys become mantris in this land and what can you expect from our current government headed by the mundrey of all mundreys. 

Lokman, please do your job. Give us something that we can all be proud of your natak. Go after our Emperor, go after our clowns who get kickbacks in millions of dollars from our contractors. Go after our top security personnel who make money off rations meant for our soldiers and low-level policemen. Go after those in power who abuse their authority to make billions of rupees for themselves and their near and dear ones. 

Lokman, if you have the guts then put all our politicians in jail because none of them are clean and have misused their authority then and now. If you can't go after the big sharks then just celebrate your wedding anniversary inside the CIAA premises and quit. 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, April 23, 2016

The Wrestler




Our Prime Monster KP Oli wants to show us that he still has the strength to take on his opponents, foreign aliens and anyone who thinks he is not the right person to continue to grow organic vegetables in Baluwatar.  

A year ago, he climbed Dharahara. Well, we can't blame him for the Big One but let's hope he doesn't climb anything again this time or he might be the one on the ground. Oli suffers from all kinds of ailments but he seems to be doing fine thanks to the free healthcare treatment from the state. He has already spent Karods and will get to spend more for his medical treatment even when he leaves office. 

That's the beauty of our system. If you get to the top kurchi and even get to only sit on it for a day, you still are eligible for life-time freebies. Oh! It's good to be a politician and especially a Home minister or if you are lucky a Prime Monster then you can misuse the funds in billions instead of the usual millions you get as a lawmaker. 

Yes, our former Home Ministers still get dozens of security personnel and siren-blaring pick-ups because the government thinks their life is under threat. Please, look at Kamal Thapa. He used to be a Home Minister once. He is responsible for killing dozens of folks during the Jana Andolan-2. And look where he is now. 

Thapa is in New York to sign the Paris Climate Agreement. Yes, and a little bit of shopping for his near and dear ones on the side. Then, he will be in London and then back home in a week. 

This man is everywhere but home. Of course, he is not our Home Minister now and since he heads the Foreign Ministry, it is his job to visit as many countries as he can at the expense of our taxpayers before he leaves the ministry.

And our Madame Speaker and few other freeloaders are in London to study how the British Parliament works. Why the hell do you need to visit foreign lands even if it's for free when you know very well that once you get home, you will forget everything? Our politicians only visit foreign countries for that extra pocket money so that they can buy gifts for their loved ones. 

The bideshis should stop inviting our politicians on such free tour package natak. If you really want to help us then carry out a lucky draw and invite hundreds of common folks to visit your land and learn a thing or too. But of course common folks don't run the country, crooks do! It's the same everywhere.

And Deuba is in Delhi because he wants to make sure that everyone is on the same page when he gets to be our Prime Monster once again. Back then it was the Pajeros and don’t be surprised if you see our lawmakers driving around in tax-free Porsches by next year. 

When it comes to our buffoons enjoying the good life then anything is possible in this land. But when it comes to you and me, trying to get even the most basic of all services from the state then it is their job to make it impossible or take days, weeks and months before you receive the benefits that you are entitled as a citizen of this land.

We have seen politicians inaugurating bridges, hospitals, schools and what not but Oli has topped it all by showing his presence at the so-called International Wrestling Tournament held at our Rangasala last week.

Before he became our Prime Monster, Oli climbed Dharahara just to show his opponents that he was fit enough to be our man in Baluwatar. But the sad thing is we no longer have Dharahara and it will probably take our incompetent government at least a decade before we have something standing tall again. 

Bhimsen Thapa is long gone and it was not a happy farewell for him then. He built the tower and it is no longer there. Thank God, we don't have the same kind of Prime Monsters these days and our politicians are a lucky lot that they are playing politics a century and half later. 

Back then, you could do all the hanky panky to get to the top but once you were there, there were other folks to pull you down. It's the same story now as well but at least you no longer meet a violent end like in those days. These days, you get national honor and government holidays when it's your time to leave this world even if you have misused your power, funds and everything else to take this country down the drain.

Oli makes a fool of himself wrapping himself with the wrestling title belt or whatever they call that thing. The wrestling you see at the Olympics is real. The wrestling tournament held at Rangsala is just a circus act and I guess Oli really identified with it as well.

In a few days, it will be a year since the Big One struck.  Thousands of our people lost their lives  and many more were injured in the earthquake. Hundreds of thousands of homes were destroyed.  

But does our government care? No! Our corrupt slimy evil-doers seem to have no souls. They don't care be it the earthquake, blockade or anything. They have no shame to loot the funds meant for the people. 

Our politicians were hiding instead of being out in the open helping the people after the earthquake. Our civil servants had never done their homework even when the bideshis spent millions of dollars training them and helping them to prepare for the Big One. Our civil servants still don’t care. 

Instead, our politicians want to place their own chamchas to positions where they will have access to billions of dollars of aid meant for the earthquake victims. Our security personnel did a fine job then but it would be nice if they displayed the same spirit of brotherhood to our protestors as well. 

Please be nice and don't act like savages when it comes to dealing with protesters be it women, senior citizens or Madhesis or Janjatis or even Kamal Thapa. At least Thapa is lucky that he got thrashed and now he is Mr. Flash. Not all of us are lucky like him.

We all know very well that our people will never get the help they need. Our politicians and civil servants will share the aid amongst themselves and half of it will go to our bideshi consultants as well. 

It seems that we have more politicians in this land than anywhere in the world. Everybody is a politician. Look at our civil servants. These fools have trade unions, dozens of them and the main job of such unions is to obstruct the work of the government. 

A peon has the connections to transfer the hakim saheb. Our  hakim sahebs don't listen to the mantri. The mantri doesn't care about the people but only listens to his personal aide. 

Our PM is a clown like everyone else before him. We live in such a beautiful land amongst such hardworking, law-abiding citizens but we must have done something real bad in our previous lives to deserve such Obnoxious Lazy Imbeciles! 



Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com