Saturday, September 23, 2017

Rocket Man vs Dotard!




King Deuba is in New York City and so is our Foreign Minister Mahara but they seem to be lost in the crowd.  How come our netas don't make any news when they attend the UN picnic every year? At least give a speech threatening some other country or just come out with fake news about us thinking about developing nuclear weapons as well. 

After all we have a few grams of Uranium somewhere in our land, don't we? We don't know how easy it would be to extract it but at least we can threaten to do something with it every now and then and get some respect from the so-called 'thulo' nations!

The world knows that we can't go to war with our chimekis and win but at least if we only threaten to work on developing nukes for our personal home use then our chimekis and the West might take us seriously. Mahara thought he would be meeting Trump but I guess our folks in New York didn't know much about protocol and thought it was like back home where anybody can meet the thulo mancheys like our bideshi ambassadors meet our politicians and civil servants. 

Our Ambassador in Amrika can't even meet any US government officials without appointment whereas bidhesis here in Nepal meet our netas like whenever they feel like it and go to their homes and have tea or something. Yes, we Nepalese are friendly folks and guests are Gods! No wonder, bidhesis act like first-class citizens in this land whereas Nepalis get no respect in their own country! 

Even our civil servants, cops and corrupt netas seem to like bidhesis more than their fellow citizens. Our civil servants beg for scholarships for their kids and even jobs after retirement. More than 3.5 million Nepali folks are now overseas working hard to provide for their families back home. 

But when our folks come back or want to go abroad, our immigration officials harass them and treat them like criminals. Where did we go wrong? Here the corrupt think they are righteous while the honest, hard working and law-abiding citizens have to be ashamed of themselves for being good people!

Our corrupt netas beg for funds for their parties from the bideshis whereas our cops do not carry out 'Mapase' checkings on bideshis and even ignore restaurants opening late if owned by non-Nepalis! Why? Well, our cops seem to be scared to talk to bideshis in English or any other bideshi languages or try to understand what they are saying. 

Our cops managed to get hold of gold worth millions of dollars recently but still can't figure out who was the mastermind behind it.  Or maybe bideshis are a lot smarter than us and know how to play the game better.

A blue-plated vehicle can park anywhere, hit someone and get away with it. Our DIG Saheb who is more than likely to be our IGP in a year should crack down on buying and selling of blue-plated vehicles among our bidhesi friends who are neither diplomats nor have anything to do with any work that allows you to drive around in a blue-plated vehicle. 

If you are a Nepali restaurant owner then expect the cops to come to your establishment, harass you and your guests and threaten to take you to jail for a night. 

If you are a bideshi, then the cops will just wait outside till you close your place and won't say much because they are intimidated by other bideshis hanging around and when they see a dozen of blue-plated vehicles outside then they must think that Amriki President Trump and his entourage was here.

Once again,  Trump has shown the world that he loves to give nicknames to friends and foes and he is hell bent on putting Amrika first and the rest of us can take a hike. When will we have a politician who talks about putting 'Nepali First' instead of bowing down and kissing our chimekis' arses for their own self-interest. 

Trump has called  Lil' Kim a Rocket Man who is on a suicide mission whereas Lil' Kim has now fired back and is calling Trump a crazy old person. Well, Trump is a senior citizen and he is crazy in many ways but when will our politicians get nicknames from other world leaders or even from their own band of thieves here at home? 

Well, Oli is our national comedian. Prachanda is our Emperor and Deuba is a Maharaja while Dr. Saheb maybe smarty pants but if Trump had his way then our politicians would be called a jack ass, a flip-flopper, a jerk or sons of seedless cucumbers or even worse. For now, Dotard has challenged Rocket Man for a fight. 

Thank God, we are at least a few miles away from Lil' Kim but we have to be ready when our chimekis challenge each other for the 'Nuke Games' in the future. It's about time, we go nuclear as well! We may not have the brains to build a bomb for now but even talking about the idea of building one will at least make Trump send us a Dashain greeting!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Welcome to Amrika





Our Maharaja Sheroo Dai is leaving for New York after he is done celebrating 'Constitution Day' here at home. Yes, our Prime Monster and thulo mancheys need a vacation every other month to refresh themselves so that they can always come back home and come up with new ideas to loot the state and everyone else while making their near and dear ones happy. 

It seems that our netas and civil servants are neither inspired nor motivated to bring changes to our land after visiting other countries. Look how the Chinese and the Indians have fared since the 1990s. If we had just followed their formula and stayed on the path, we would probably be doing better instead of forcing millions of our folks to work overseas for peanuts and in pitiable conditions.  

It seems that only manpower agencies have made billions in this land and those who own these companies get to be mantris and even Ambassadors.  After all, this is the land where a few Karods will help to make you a Constipated Assembly member, get you lucrative postings if you are a civil servant and even be the top hakim saheb if you can dole out more. 

Our Kangaroos and the Unidentified Mundrey Leaders blame the Maoist for burning everything up then. But let us not forget that the comrades didn't start the fire. It was always burning and they just wanted a bigger bonfire and that’s about it. 

Today, we are here where our comrades and the Kangaroos are now partners. Politics is a dirty game but if we were to learn from our politicians then we would all forget and forgive our neighbors for stealing a few paisa of our land by building the wall without our permission. The world should learn from our politicians. Maybe our netas could even help resolve the conflicts in the Middle East. 

I think our Maharaja Deuba and Emperor Prachanda could win the Nobel Peace Prize for finally uniting the Koreans. These two magicians can show the North and South Koreans how to work it out. After all, it's all about the money.  But of course, Lil' Kim has more money than our Emperor while politicians in South Korea can get more dough from the byaparis than our politicians here!  

But, our two clowns can at least try and show the world that even Nepalis can help bring peace in the world even if we can't do it in our own land and we don't always need the Amrikis or the Scandinavians to sort things out for us or the world!

It’s about time our incompetent government cut down on public holidays instead of celebrating the day when our Shree Tins left  the building and the day when they hung our martyrs and the day Gyanu Uncle gave up or the day when we became a Republic. Why not save us a few million Rupees if we just had one day to celebrate this beautiful land of ours. 

For now, that would not be possible but we can at least ask this corrupt and incompetent government to just celebrate 'Nepal' Day instead of celebrating the day we had our half-baked constitution and why should we keep on celebrating each and every peoples' movement? The Ranas are long gone. Let us not keep on blaming them for all the mess! Kids these days don't know much about the House of Shah and the Pancheys. 

Let us stop blaming the House of Shah for all our problems now.   And in a decade or two, nobody will be talking about our Emperor and his so-called 'war' against the system and how we finally became a Republic. By 2030, we will probably have our own twenty-four kingdoms and then we can celebrate our own national days then.

Our Prime Monster will be in New York next week. He will meet President Trump like other world leaders, do the 30-second photo-op natak, grab a bite or two and that’s about it. The last time he met with an Amriki President, he managed to get some dough to fight against our comrades then. This time, he can ask for some dough from Trump again. Just tell the Amriki President that we need the dough to build a wall for ourselves as well. 

Prime Monster Deuba will address the UN General Assembly and he will also seek support from other countries in our effort to get a seat at the UN Human Rights Council for the coming term. Whom are we kidding? Deuba and Prachanda have still not apologized for the violation of human rights of Nepalis during the so-called civil war. The security forces and our comrades were both involved in killing and torturing common folks as well. 

Yes, the war is long over. But not much has changed for the common folks. Why is it so hard for our chors to ask for forgiveness and reach out to the families affected by the actions of our security forces and the comrades as well?

Our netas can't even get it right and we are still waiting for our commissions to set things right by helping the victims of the conflict and making sure that the violators are held responsible for their crimes. Our netas are in power and they don't care about our courts but the world is watching. 

We may not have the courage to send them to prison today, but someday they will have to face the music. We will have honest politicians then and our civil servants will do their job right and follow the Supreme Court's orders to punish the guilty and who knows maybe the international courts will finally see the light as well! 

Deuba is our Prime Monster again and his number one enemy then is his best friend today. And our Maharaja doesn't care if he violates the laws of the land and keeps on increasing the size of his cabinet. Yes, one out of ten fools is now a mantri. 

Why not just make all of our CA members mantris before they leave the building and we can all provide them perks, vehicles and other chiya kharcha for life. After all, that's the only reason our chors wanted to get into politics. They want to make a quick buck and those who can't want a pension and other perks. Long Live The Republic!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com