Saturday, November 11, 2017

Fake Manifestos!

Our circus companies have once again come up with their election manifestos to let us know that they will promise us everything and deliver nothing. I think our political parties and our chor netas are lucky to be born in Nepal because they can say whatever they want and get away with it. 

The only person in the West who act like our netas is the Amriki President Trump. And King Deuba should summon the Amriki Ambassador to his residence and ask why Emperor Trump didn’t want to visit Nepal. Let's hope our politicians will also return the snub and not visit Amrika until a new resident moves into the White House. 

But our politicians are a different lot. They might just quit politics and move to Amrika if they get that DV thing! Yes, not all of our politicians make money. It's only the few hundred who have all the fun while the rest of the toley and jilla netas are a hungry lot who dream of amassing millions someday but until then, it’s all about making sure that the top leaders' spouses are happy and they will do something to give the tickets to stand up for elections. Yes, at the end of the day, it's the aunties who hold the 'real' power!

It seems that  we, the people of Nepal are the most passive, submissive and compliant folks on this planet. Yes, we don't care about corruption and misuse of authority by our thulo mancheys. It seems that a few thousand evil chors have banded together to loot us all and millions of us, Nepalis do not have the courage to fight the system and kick these thousand chors out of the country! 

There is only one person in this beautiful land of ours who wants to get into a ring against the mafia running this country but he seems to be all alone. Where are our so-called intellectuals, so-called civil society leaders and the people?  Taking to the streets and lighting candles will not be enough. We are fighting against folks who seem to be more cruel and oppressive than all the previous regimes combined! 

Our corrupt government and chor netas want to see the doctor dead so that they can all have fun minting money by opening medical schools in every neighborhood in the country.  Our netas and their spouses go to Bangkok to seek medical treatment at the expense of our taxpayers' money and they are not ashamed of it all. 

I think we should have a law that bars our politicians and their near and dear ones from using state funds to seek medical treatment abroad. You can spend your own ill-gotten money to go to Amrika but don't loot the state treasury to take your family for a vacation to Disneyland.

But our netas and hakim sahebs are not only greedy but they seem to be frugal when it comes to spending their own ill-gotten riches but will go all out to misuse the state funds. Yes, they always seem to forget to return the state vehicles once they are out of power.  

And our top leaders continue to drive around in luxury vehicles and they demand other perks as if the government is their father-in-law. Yes, most of our top netas do not own much property or have much cash in the bank. 

It's their spouses who own everything and most of it were gifted to them by their rich fathers. Yes, it seems that most of our netas, especially the communist ones did marry daughters of rich feudal landlords!

I think our political parties should not waste their time to come up with stupid policies and plans to make this nation great again. And please don't waste money on publishing hawa-taari manifestos and littering our streets!

Aren't we tried of the same old promises that will never be fulfilled? A decade ago, our major political parties promised us ten, twenty and even forty thousand MW of electricity. I think we have managed to add a few hundred to our national grid so far and we have ended load shedding by buying electricity from the Desis! 

Our comrades have promised to make this land wealthy in a decade. Yes, we will be making at least 5,000 US$ each if we believe them. Our netas make millions of dollars each year. If they gave it back to the people then we could all have at least a few thousand dollars in the bank not in a decade but in a week or two.

As usual, our Kangaroos and the comrades promise us peace, stability and prosperity. They promise us millions of jobs, highways connecting our hills and the plains, billions of dollars to be invested in our infrastructure and what not.

At the end of the day, our netas will continue to get their paychecks, perks and their near and dear ones will get the government contracts. The only folks who will be prosperous in this land are the thulo mancheys and their families. Not much has changed in the past two hundred years.  

The people will always remain poor. Seventy years ago, our villages were left with only women and children because most of the young lands and able men went to fight against the Germans and the Japanese so that they could make a few pounds while the thulo mancheys then made a fortune for sending hundreds of thousands of Nepali men to fight for the British Empire. 

Today, our villages are once again left with only women and children while manpower thugs make a fortune by sending millions of our young men and now even women to foreign lands where they surrender to the abuse, exploitation and deplorable living conditions in the Middle East.  

And our manpower thugs do pay off our mundrey gundas, hakim sahebs and chor netas! I think it's about time our political parties stop pretending that they are here to make this country great. Our netas and their chamchas are here to break this country apart and loot us all until there is nothing left to steal.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Let the Scumbags Rule!

Our chor netas, mundrey gundas and former civil servants are all busy getting ready for upcoming provincial and parliamentary elections in this country whereas the people just want to get done with the polls so that they can get back to the usual whining and ranting against our lawbreakers while the chors can go back to the usual 'looting game'. Let us just do what we know best and leave it to the evil doers to screw us all! 

Yes, not much will change in this country for the common folks. But for our con-artists, Christmas will come early as they get to enjoy the perks of being our lawmakers in the provinces and the House before the end of the Angrezi New Year! And for us, it will be just another goodbye to another year gone by without any progress in anything in this land of ours!  

Let us all feel sorry for the honest folks who have filed nominations to contest the upcoming elections in this land. We all know that they are not going to win at all. We have already seen from our local level elections that byaparis, mundrey gundas and the same old chors still have the money and muscles to win elections in this land. 

We, the people are still not ready to be ruled by hardworking, honest and helpful hobbits. We still want to be ruled by corrupt, callous and cold-hearted chors who have only served themselves instead of serving the folks who elected them!

We all know that our Maharaja Deuba will win from Dadeldhura again and most of our so-called top leaders of our circus companies will more than likely win as well. After all, our corrupt crooks use all the money and muscles they have to make sure that they are elected. 

And you can always find ways to recover your election expenses once you become a lawmaker in this country. There will be governments to topple, governments to form and at the end of the day, you need votes in the House as well to be able to siphon off the state treasury and raise your own salaries, perks and other chiya kharcha. 

We just got done feeding six hundred clowns for almost a decade and now we will have to be ready to feed more than eight hundred clowns both in our provinces and the federal parliament. We will have more than 275 loafers in the House and then we will have 59 snobs at the Upper House. And let us not even get started with our 550 provincial pickpockets.  

Our government can't even repair our roads or provide us clean drinking water, sanitation and other basic services but it seems to have enough funds to pay our clowns at the local, provincial and federal levels. 

We thought we would be getting our convention center back but it seems that we will have to do with the old Bhrikuti Mandap Exhibition Hall forever. Maybe, we should just ask the Chinese to build a new parliament building to house our eggheads and maybe we can finally take our families to the Birendra International Convention Center once again.

And if it wasn't enough, we will have to spend billions more as we have to provide housing, vehicles, security and chiya kharcha to our Chief Ministers and his or her ministers in our provinces. It's a great Loot-Tantra for our good for nothing pickpockets.

Our Emperor Prachanda wants to make it big from Chitwan. The last time around, he got thrashed in Kirtipur and nearly lost in Siraha. This time, he did his best by going to bed with the Kangaroos to make sure that our first daughter became our Mayor there and now he is in love with Oli and the other comrades. 

Our Emperor is confident that our communists will get the majority and will rule Nepal for five years without any backstabbing or kickbacks to topple the 'Commie' Rule in Nepal! But we should never underestimate our Kangaroos and especially Maharaja Deuba. 

This guy doesn’t care about the constitution or the Election Commission or the media or the people. If he had his way, he would have appointed all our former Constipated Assembly members ministers so that they could all get a vehicle, security and a little bit more chiya kharcha till the end of this month!

Gyanu Uncle should have formed his own political party and stood up for election from Kathmandu. But I guess, our former King doesn't want to be like the Indian Royals. Kamal Thapa is milking it so far but it's about time Gyanu Uncle also stood up for election as well and who knows, be our Chief Minister here in the so-called province #3 And he can once again do his thing at our jatras in the valley! 

After all, even Ganesh Lama, an honest byapari from Kavre is standing up for election as a Kangaroo. Well, that was bound to happen as our uncle Bijaya Gaddaar came back home to be a Kangaroo again.  

This country is really going to hell when scumbags stand up for elections and nobody is worried about it. We all talk about the House of Shah and then Crown Prince and his nataks but what about our new 'princelings' who carry unlicensed firearms and are all engaged in thekka-pattas today?  It's still the same system and the players may have changed but the coaches remain the same!

And our former DIG saheb who would have been our IGP if King Deuba had not played his 'game' is now standing up for election from Lalitpur. Yes, and if our comrades do win the majority in the federal parliament then don't be surprised if Prime Monster Bam Dev Gautam decides to appoint Silwal Dai as our Home Minister. 

But of course, if the UML wallahs get Baluwatar than our Emperor would want the Home Ministry but everything is possible in Nepali politics where ideologies take a back seat and it's about ego and money! Who wants to watch Amriki TV series or even the 'Desi' serials when our own 'real' politics has more masala than Trump's antics or Modi's magic tricks? 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at