Saturday, December 9, 2017

Are We There Yet?

First of all let us congratulate our government for successfully holding our local, provincial and parliamentary elections. In a week, our Election Commission wallahs will let us know who won and who failed to even get their deposit back.  It seems that most of our so-called top loafers of our major political parties will win from their constituencies. After all, they have lots of money and muscles to help them win the election.

Let us thank our Emperor Prachanda and Maharaja Deuba for doing the right thing even if it meant that their parties would not do well in these elections. Our Emperor showed us all that he can break and forge alliances with his enemies as long as it helps him or his near and dear ones. 

His brief romance with the Kangaroos helped his daughter to be our Mayor. And now his new fling with our United Mundrey Leaders might help him to become our President. 

If our comrades do get the majority then it seems that our national comedian Oli uncle will be our Prime Monster again. Hopefully, if that happens then his dream to give us cooking gas through pipelines and having our own ships will come true. We might also start generating thousands of MW of electricity through wind power. 

But we never know with our Emperor and what his next magic trick will be. He might still want to be our PM and might change partners like the French politicians. And our Maharaja Deuba tells us that his astrologers have told him that he will be our Prime Monster seven times. 

If our fortune tellers are correct then this man will still be our Prime Monster in 2020 and even a decade later. He might even be hanging around Baluwatar when he is like 90!

Yes, most of us think that having a stable government that will govern for five years will finally bring peace and prosperity in this land of ours. But we know that our politicians will fight with each other and engage in backstabbing and taking boras of cash from both domestic and foreign donors to topple their own government. 

Our comrades who promise to unite and rule for the next fifty years will show their true colors in a week. Our politicians are good at breaking up their own parties rather than making up. Let us see how far our bromance between Oli and Prachanda will go. 

The truth is that as long as we have the same bunch of thieves ruling us, not much will change and the naked corruption nataks will continue forever. Our government promises to govern for everyone but at the end of the day, our politicians will work together to help our shady byaparis and contractors and their cadres while the common folks will get nothing.

Our government has yet to appoint any provincial chiefs, have not yet determine where our provincial capitals will be and does not know where they will house the provincial assemblies. So don't be surprised if our provincial lawmakers hang out by the chiya pasal until they know where they will be meeting. 

We only know our provinces by number and it might even take years or might never have the name of our provinces due to disagreement between our provincial lawmakers. You need two-third majority to name a province. 

I think our provincial lawmakers should just come up with a top ten list and then ask us, the voters to vote via SMS so that we can save money on paper, security and other chiya kharcha for our civil servants. SMS fees can also help our provinces to generate some revenue so that it can afford to feed its lawmakers, ministers, chief ministers and chiefs. 

And let us congratulate Deepak Manange Dai for being a provincial lawmaker from Manang.  Yes, we need lots of folks like him to be our lawmakers both in our provinces and at the federal level. After all, when will our dons only work as muscles for our chor netas. 

Everybody has to climb the ladder and we all know that folks like Deepak Dai, Ganesh Lama and other dons have already made the money and they have the muscle and if things go right, then they will be our ministers at the provinces and someday even be a minister at the center as well. 

Even our major political parties have opted to favor criminals and contractors instead of their own loyal political cadres when it comes to handing out tickets. And even our so-called youth leaders of major political parties depend on mundrey gundas to provide security for them. If our politicians think that only money and muscles matter than in a decade or two, we will only have criminals and  shady byaparis running the country. 

Well, they have been doing that for decades but now, we will have them as our lawmakers. We don’t know if we should be happy or sad or ashamed of ourselves. After all, we are the ones who vote for our corrupt clowns, contractors and criminals. 

And when these buffoons win and go to the House, they will only work for the benefit of their donors. That's how it works and we can't do anything about it.

 After all, we live in a democratic country and we need to respect the votes of our own people.  Someday, we will all have the courage to vote with our conscience instead of family, party or social lines and elect folks who will do something for the people and the country instead of only for their cousins and cadres!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

Saturday, December 2, 2017

The Beginning of the End

We are now closer to finally getting done with elections in our land for a while. If everything goes okay then our government won't have to waste billions of Rupees for the next five years on elections and our netas, contractors and con artists won't have to spend hundreds of billions of Rupees for some time as well. 

But we never know with our politicians. Our chor netas are good at forming and toppling governments for petty reasons or for boras of cash or for their foreign handlers. It seems that most of our so-called top leaders of major political parties will win from their constituencies. 

Yes, elections cost a lot of money and most of the folks who do win and get elected to represent us then get together and make sure that they waste billions more in perks and benefits for themselves. Let us thank our Election Commission wallahs, security agencies and other government offices for making some dough thanks to elections. 

Our EC commissioners now ride around in luxury vehicles. Our security agencies have gotten hundreds of new vehicles and lots of chiya kharcha in the name of security. Our Home Ministry is always happy because they are the ones who gets to make the most dough during elections. 

Most us make fun of King Deuba but he knows how to milk the system better than any other politician in this land. So what, if he just mumbles and fumbles and no one understands his speech or his actions; he just keeps on looting and misusing his power and nobody can touch him!

The second phase of our provincial and parliamentary elections will conclude this week. In a few weeks time, we will have our provincial lawmakers and federal parliament members and they will all work together to make Nepal great. Well, that's what we expect from our lawmakers but we all know that it is just wishful thinking.

We have been led by crooks since we began celebrating 'Democracy Day' in this land.  Our thulo mancheys have been free to loot, boot and shoot the common folks. Our political parties preach us about democracy and yet they are not democratic at all when it comes to running their own parties. 

And we all should feel blessed that our political parties are now showing us all that they no longer believe in their own cadres to win elections. They need mundrey gundas and contractors and their muscles and money. 

Yes, give tickets to criminals and shady byaparis and they will win and help to add the seats for our parties. What can we expect from our state and federal parliaments when most of our lawmakers will be either criminals or contractors who have screwed us all by their shoddy construction works while making money for themselves and our netas?

It took our Maoists a decade of so-called civil war to finally come back from the real jungle to the concrete jungle. We can say the same for our Madhesi netas. It has taken them a decade as well to be some kind of a force, be it good or bad. 

Our grand old party, the Kangaroos has lost touch with the people.  It's hard to believe that it's the same party that had folks like Ganeshman and Kishunji and of course BP and many other netas who really seem to care about the country more than their cousins!  

Even Panchey Prime Monsters like Kriti Nidhi Bista and Marich Man Shrestha deserves at least an ounce of respect even if they were part of an autocratic regime. They had the political courage to take a stand against bidhesis. Look at our netas today. 

Our bideshi ambassadors should be given government medals for having the courage to visit the residences of our chor netas and telling them to either shut up, put up or just take the money and do nothing. Bista did not want a state funeral when he died. Marichman didn’t' get one but our netas since the 90s get freebies when alive and then grand state funeral when dead. Either way, they waste our taxpayers money and we are yet to get netas who will help us save a few Rupees instead!

Bibeksheel Sajha Party should learn a thing or two from our Maoists and Madhesi netas. Well, Rabindra Dai and his friends can't go to the jungle or destroy public property in the name of politics. They can't just walk up to Deuba and hand him a new '40-point' demand either or talk about seceding. Our Maoists have yet to fulfill those demands they wanted  Deuba and then government to fulfill. 

Yes, we are all hypocrites! But what the BiSa party can do is give themselves at least a decade or two to be a major force in this country.  If they went underground and started the usual blasting and looting nataks then they might get there sooner given the track records of our political parties but of course the BiSa wallahs are very gentle folks and they are more than likely to get a few PR seats here and there but it will be difficult to win the first-past-the-post natak this time. 

Why? Because we have lots of chors with their illegal money making sure that good, honest folks not get a chance! 

Most of our political parties promise us everything. We will have thousands of MW electricity. We will all be making at least ten thousand dollars a year in our own land in a decade. But how come we are yet to hear from any political parties about vegetables prices. 

Somebody promise us a free bora of onions or at least free electricity once we have the capacity to generate thousands of MW electricity. Promise us the small stuff first. Free clean drinking water and better sanitation system. Better roads, less pollution, affordable education, healthcare, housing and food.  We don't want to go to Mars yet. 

We just want to go to Maitighar without breathing in poisonous fumes and dust. We want to buy vegetables at affordable prices and not sell our mothers' jewelry to be able to buy food. 

We don't want the mafia running our medical schools and private hospitals and private schools making it difficult for us. We want our government back but it has been hijacked by mundreys and crooks.  And what do you expect when you have to many cooks running the show?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at