Saturday, January 13, 2018

National Unity Day




The late King Prithivi Narayan (PN) Shah was until a decade ago considered the person who unified this country. Instead of more than two dozen kingdoms, we became one country and the folks from Gorkha got to enjoy the power and the freebies that comes with it. 

Yes, the winners do write the history but every century we have different players and they would want to rewrite history to suit their own interest.

Let’s look at our chimekis. Modi cannot just tell his fellow citizens to forget about the British and the Mughal Empire. And the Chinese cannot just ignore the fact that once upon a time they too were under the Emperor till Mao finally decided to have fun. 

And we Nepalese, whether we like it or not cannot just ignore the fact that the House of Shah did unify this country then and then came the Ranas who played their part and then the Pancheys, so-called democrats and now, we have our republicans who tell us that we are a federal republic of Nepal!

But before our House of Shah could really rule the county, we had to deal with the courtiers who conspired against each other and used violence so that they could play the political musical chair for the next two hundred years.  

Then we became the ‘rip-off-the-public’ and our government decided that it would be better if we forgot our past, our history and just moved on the with the new players in town. But we should never forget our past, even if it is good or bad.

And we know that our political players of  today are no better than the five families who fought with each other then. Now, we have five major political parties and the so-called top leaders of these parties will work together to share the loot while their cadres will fight with each other for no apparent reason. 

At least, our politicians do not have to worry about the King anymore and they can now freely loot and boot and shoot as they rule this country. 

Gyanu Uncle has no one to blame but himself because once you get hold of the Kurchi, you have to make sure that you do the right thing because all good things do come to an end someday. Empires don’t last forever, be it the Romans or the Pharaohs or the Greeks or the Mughal. 

Even today, our former King can be relevant if he opens his own party like the former Royals of India. But it seems that he has no interest to be our Chief Minister someday. If we had a politician like Mandela, then that person would have at least made Gyanu Uncle, the official Chief Guest for all Jatras in the valley.

And this year, our government has figure out that a decade later, it’s okay to celebrate PN because it’s not a touchy subject anymore. Our President gets to honor the late King from Gorkha and thank him for at least unifying the country then. 

Today, we need a new PN but not to unify this country by using violence but by promoting tolerance and peace and working to make sure that our chors get their act right before it’s too late through reconciliation and forgiveness.

Let us at least thank our government for celebrating National Unity Day on the occasion of PN’s 296th birthday. Our President and Prime Monster garlanded the statue of PN outside Singha Durbar. And as usual, our government decided to give us a public holiday so that our civil servant can get a day off from work and enjoy playing cards and spent quality time with their friends instead of family. 

Kamal Dai, who is still our Deputy Prime Monster until this government leaves the building, decided to organize a separate function to celebrate PN’s birthday. His party, Rastriya Prajatantra Party (RPP) is no longer a national party and Kamal Dai has not much to do for the next five years either. 

But he still wants to be relevant and wants to play the ‘House of Shah’ card for his own personal benefit. We all know that our Panchey players don’t have much space in New Nepal and the people have at least given the mandate to our commies to govern this country for the next five years.

So, let’s hope our comrades will continue to make National Unity Day a day to celebrate our unity in diversity. Let’s hope that our politicians will not play the ‘ethnic’ card to divide us and make the people turn against each other while they continue to make shady deals behind closed doors while drinking bideshi whiskeys.

PN showed us that it is possible to unite this country. Before, they had to use violence and let us hope , we will get a new PN who will practice tolerance to unify us all. Even today, PN’s belief that those who receive and offer bribes are this country’s worst enemies ring true but there is only one honest person left in this country and he is our crazy Dr. KC! 

We, the people are just the silent majority who allow our incompetent and corrupt netas and sarkari hakims to roll over us without being accountable for their misdeeds. 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, January 6, 2018

The Gang of Five




It's been nearly a month since we got done with our federal elections and it will take another month or two before our 'lefties' finally take charge and finally make this country prosperous. 

Yes, everything that has to do with the government moves in a snail's pace in this land.  No wonder, Melmachi has taken us decades and our contractors are not done digging our roads in the capital. Maybe, by next year, we will finally get to use the water from Melmachi. Until then, be prepared to face dusty roads and traffic jams.

Yes, our communists want to make us rich and finally, our green passports might matter.But we know the difference between what has been promised and what will be fulfilled.  

Yes, we are one of the few fortunate ones where communists still matter.  Castro's Cuba has the cigars while Lil' Kim's North Korea has nukes and what will Oli's Nepal have? 

Our Kangaroos are still trying to figure out what where they went wrong.  They should not lose hope because we have seen it all. The Kangaroos have been in power before, back in the 60s and in the 90s and they know very well that the time will come again to lead this country down the drain. 

In our 'New Nepal', we now have only five major political parties who will get to make some moolah and divide the loot and positions amongst their cadres. Well, the lefties will get to enjoy most of the freebies but you never know when alliances break down and our chor netas switch sides to form another government. 

For our politicians, it's all about sharing power and loot while the common folks only get the boot and if we do protests then those in power ask our security personnel to even shoot at us. We though the Shree Tins were bad then. We thought the Shree Panch was no better. We thought the Kangaroos were even worse. But now let us see how far our communists will go to enjoy the loot! When will our politicians realize that meritocracy is the way to go instead of only making sure that nepotism rules Nepal?

If we were to really believe our two communist kings, Oli and Prachanda, then we will finally get one big commie party in this country. It's about time, Dr Saheb, Rabindra Mishra dai and Bijukche Bajey got together and formed one single party so that they too can be a national party next time around. 

If Lee Kwan Yee could share the space with the communists before he took it all then what’s wrong with our young turks sharing the space with other socialists and opportunists for now? After all, this is politics and you have to learn from our Emperor Prachanda on how to play the game. He can swing both ways, sideways, everywhere. He can bend it far more than Beckham.

I don't know what Dr Saheb will be doing in the parliament? Yes, he gets free security, chiya kharcha and other perks for being our former PM but what will he do being an independent lawmaker in the House? 

Maybe, he should start teaching part-time and utilize his time instead. Yes, thanks a lot for the road-widening projects in the valley. Instead of making our cities pedestrian and cycle-friendly, we think having wide roads with speeding Micros and motorcycles make us a metropolis.

Our two Madeshi parties are here to stay. Let us hope they will do something good for the plains instead of playing the 'ethnic' card and just looting the state funds. Our Madeshi politicians should work together to help the people instead of extorting from their own for government jobs. 

The people have chosen you and do not fail them because in five years, we have the option of choosing the person you don’t get along with.  

Our Communists seem to be busy drinking chiya in the morning and something else in the evening to beat the winter cold. They just want the current caretaker government to announce temporary capitals and appoint governors and when they take over, they would love to scrap it all and do it their way. Yes, that's our way of doing things in this land. 

It really doesn't matter if it is a good plan or is best for the country. When the new person comes, he or she has to have his or her own way even if it means bleeding the country dry. Everybody who wants something from the government seems to be divided along party lines. No wonder, the peon is sometimes more powerful than the hakim saheb in some offices!

Our provincial assembly members will also have to wait for another month or two before they get to do some sunbathing while drinking tea and doing nothing. Our government has yet to appoint governors or even name temporary provincial capitals or even for now fix a temporary place for the provincial lawmakers to hang out. 

So what's new in this beautiful land of ours? Nothing to be optimistic about but thank God, at least the prices of vegetables have come down compared to the previous months. 

Let us all have tomato soup and let Deuba and his courtiers enjoy their free lunch for now and let us hope our comrades will do their homework well so that once they take over, they will be better prepared to deliver instead of taking another year or two to get their own comrades on board.  After all, our politicians are good at forming factions and our communist parties are no better. 

Maybe, our communists should just go with 'collective leadership' where seven or nine  folk do their thing. Then at least, both parties will finally be able to accommodate their senior leaders or else, it's back to the same story of musical chairs and back to the same old circus acts.  

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com