Saturday, February 6, 2016

Desis Know Best




Let us congratulate our Madhesi netas for running across the border to seek blessings from Bihari politicians regarding their protest programs. It's not only clowns from Madhes but almost everyone except Bijukche get both moral and financial support from the Desis to enhance their political career. 

Bijukche is tight with the North Koreans. But so far, Bhaktapur has yet to receive fake dollar bills or fake Marlboros or a malfunctioning long-range missile. 

I think Bijukche should be our next President and then he can invite Lil' Kim to Nepal for a state visit. We can then get a home-made nuclear device from the North Koreans and then finally our chimekis will stop bullying us. 

Dr Saheb is busy with his 'New Power' campaign. Yes, Karishma Didi was the leading Kollywood actress twenty years ago but the only thing new she has done over the past decade is get a tattoo on her bosom. I think Dr Saheb's new party symbol should be the same as Karishma Didi's tattoo.  

Let us hope that his party will keep its books straight unlike all other political parties who neither submit their accounts on time nor disclose where their funding comes from.

If our political parties and politicians are receiving Chiya Kharcha from the Indian Embassy then they should stop blaming India for all the mess in this land. Those who are under the patronage of the Desis should learn a thing or two from our politicians and media wallahs who get some dough from the Chinese Embassy.

Do not bite the hand that feeds you. We don't hear any China-bashing from those who get to visit China and enjoy the banquets there. Then why are our politicians who get everything from India still keep on blaming the Desis for their own problems?

The Indian Embassy should stop handing over school buses and ambulances to our government when they celebrate their Republic Day every year. Our patriotic government should stop accepting such gifts unless it comes with a one-year guarantee of unlimited supply of fuel for those buses and ambulances. 

It seems that our government has enough funds to provide luxury vehicles to hundreds of clowns but can't afford to buy ambulances and school buses on their own.

Rajendra Mahato got hit on the head by our Nepal Police and then he visited numerous hospitals in the country just to make sure that he was all right. He wasn't happy with our doctors. He then went to India. He still wasn't okay. Now, he has visited Bihar and met with Lalu and his gang. I guess Lalu knows best. 

Mahato now tells us that the protest program has done nothing to change our government's attitude towards the agitating parties. Instead, it has brought misery to millions of people whereas it has brought in millions of Rupees for our civil servants, ruling clowns and cops at our checkpoints. 

Mahato also tells us that he and his clowns will meet with the government and then decide whether to lift the border blockade. Why in the world do you need to meet our incompetent buffoons for another round of talks just to decide when to tell your cadres to go home instead of sleeping in tents on the border?

Instead of going to Bihar and asking Lalu and his gang to support their protest programs, our Madhesi leaders should come to the capital and seek support from the common folks here. We are the ones facing shortages of fuel and cooking gas  not the Biharis. 

When did Lalu become an umpire for the never-ending cricket game between our ruling clowns and Madhesi netas?

What's next for our Madhesi leaders? Tell your cadres to pack up and go home instead of blocking the borders. After a few days rest, your cadres can then come to Kathmandu and carry out your blockade programs in Baluwatar. We will support you. But enough is enough. 

The government is losing billions of Rupees in revenue. We have spent billions of Rupees to buy fuel and cooking gas in the black market. Everybody seems to be losing except the ruling clowns and our Madhesi netas who face no shortage of anything at all. They always seem to be in a jolly mood, always laughing whenever we see them on TV during their so-called meetings to resolve the current political crisis.

The Madhes protest programs has not hurt our politicians in the capital. Our civil servants can blame the blockade for everything. They don't have to carry out any development projects. Blame the shortage of fuel and what not and hide your incompetence. 

Nepal Oil Corporation seems to make more money by not selling fuel. NEA has increased the load shedding hours. Our Energy Minister Top Bahadur should change his name to Bottom Bahadur for failing to keep his promises. He promised us that we would have at least some power during lunch and dinner time. 

The only thing Top Bahadur has shown us what he is capable of is demonstrating his fashion sense. Look at the man. His coats must be worth more than the average salary of an ordinary Nepali person. His glasses and boots are worth at least half a lakh Rupees. It's not only Top Ji. 

Look at most of our politicians. Before they get the Kurchi, they look like they have been wearing the same shirt since 1990. And once they get the Kurchi, they get fat, either their cheeks or bellies and not to forget their wallets as well.
Our government doesn't know when the blockade natak will end? 

Our Madhesi netas don't have a timetable to end the current crisis. Modi is busy attending the 12th South Asian Games. Oli is busy making sure he gets to visit Delhi and high-five with Modi before he is forced out of Baluwatar.  

And what about us? We are just busy trying to coordinate with our friends, relatives and even total strangers on how to get adequate cooking gas for our homes and a few liters of petrol so that we can get to work. I think we have had enough of Oli. 

He has proved his mettle as one of the greatest Nepali comedian of all time. But he can neither give us oil for our vehicles nor any fuel to boil some eggs. Don't be surprised if Oli is not around in Baluwatar during Holi because his Boli now has no more Goli!

But that can all change if he finds a way to make the Desis happy. If not, we will have another freeloader in Baluwatar soon.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Congratulations!




Let us all congratulate our incompetent and corrupt government for once again leading us to glory by making sure that we remain one of the top corrupt countries in the world. We thought things would get better after we officially became a Republic. 

But it seems that our politicians really don't have access to the Oxford English Dictionary. Republic does not mean ripping off the public. Peace does not mean sharing a piece of the loot and emptying our state treasury and also the pockets of common citizens as well. Reconstruction does not mean diverting funds meant for the needy to the corrupt to build new homes for themselves.

We are now in the 130th position when it comes to the corruption ranking. Last year we were at 126th  and don’t be surprised if we are on the bottom of the list in a decade. Our politicians show no signs of changing their bad habits and continue to seek commissions from contractors. 

Our civil servants continue to seek bribes from common citizens. Our police stations now hold few criminals but have enough storage for hundreds of liters of fuel and tons of cooking gas cylinders.

We are the third most corrupt country in South Asia. We hope that our government will do their best to make us the number one corrupt country in the SAARC region by 2020. It seems that our civil servants and politicians strongly believe that we, the common citizens owe them everything just because they are in power. 

It took our government a year to finally appoint a guy with little experience to head the National Reconstruction Authority (NRA). And it will probably take another year before the government begins any reconstruction works in the earthquake affected districts. 

But it seems that we might have a new government in a few months and then we might have to get a new CEO for NRA and then it will be another year of figuring out how to divide the foreign aid amongst the political parties. 

It seems that our political crisis will not end soon. Our Madhesi leaders are not sure how to pack up and ask their cadres to go home instead of blocking our borders. Our government is busy coming up with new plans to make us a developed nation in a year. 

Oli has promised us that we will have 24 hour electricity in a year. Then, we will save billions of dollars on fuel and also make billions more by selling our electricity to our chimekis. Oli will make our land a developed nation in five months while it took Singaporeans fifty years to be where they are today.

Kamal Thapa tell us that we will soon have local elections but we all know very well that our major political parties would rather keep us in limbo rather than have local elections. Why have local representatives in our wards and municipalities when our all-party mechanism can loot all the development funds meant for the people?

Our young lands won the Banglabandhu Gold Cup in Bangladesh and they have been promised Rs 7 lakhs each. I don't know if they have received the money yet. Here in this land of ours hooligans who destroy public property and harass common citizens during bandas get a million Rupees each if they somehow lose their lives. 

But our athletes who make us all proud by winning tournaments abroad get less. Ganesh Thapa made Karods of Rupees and is said to own hundreds of ropanis of land in the valley. Our football players don't even have enough to buy a new pair of football boots. 

Corruption is everywhere. So I guess instead of only blaming our politicians, we should blame ourselves for letting the corrupt roll over us again and again. Ganesh Thapa will live the rest of his life in luxury while our football players will live in poverty after they hang up their boots. 

Officials who head our sports organizations in the country make millions while athletes have to sometimes even pay chiya kharcha to be on the team.

It seems that we, the common folks are okay with all the corruption in this land. We seem to believe that we have no choice but to pay chiya kharcha to get things done. After all, our CIAA wallahs only catch the small fishes. 

Yes, our former police chiefs both in Nepal Police and Armed Police Force have been charged with corruption but nobody seems to be in jail. Either they pay millions of Rupees in bail money to stay home or somehow the courts find them not guilty in a few years and everything is forgotten.

Our former Army Chief Saheb is having fun in India. He is worth billions but that didn't stop him from acting like a Shree Tins when he was in power. Well, actually he comes from the family of Shree Tins so maybe we cannot blame him. 

After all, it's in his genes. But why do you need to spend billions of Rupees to build a new military hospital in the middle of the city when you could have used that money to upgrade the hospital in Chaunni? 

Hope one day, our politicians, civil servants, and security chiefs will be found guilty and spend time in jail while all their ill-gotten assets are confiscated by the state. We don't know when but let us be optimistic as always. 

Tomorrow will be a better day. Hope one day, we will learn to honor and respect honest folks instead of bowing down to corrupt clowns. One day, Nepal will be free from the parasites that have been sucking us all dry. And only then our ancestors will thank us for finally being strong and courageous enough to get rid of the evil doers.


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com