Saturday, December 20, 2014

Under Pressure


We, the common citizens want a new constitution by January 22nd, 2015. What do our clowns want? Some want to be ministers and make some dough while some just are hoping that the constitution-writing process will drag on for a few years, so that they can enjoy the free lunch and perks. 

And there might be a few CA members who are praying for a major earthquake to hit us so that they won't have to answer to their constituencies on why they are slacking off. 

Our freeloaders seem to be least worried about meeting the deadline. Now, they tell us that they will at least get the first draft of the constitution ready in a month. So, what were these lazy bums doing for all these months? They meet at resorts, at each others' residences and God knows where but at the end of the day, they still stick to their own numbers. 

Some want 10 provinces, some want 7. Our Emperor wants a powerful President while the Kangaroos and the Unidentified Mundrey Leaders are happy with having a Prime Monster. And what do we want? I think we will be happy with anything. 

We really don't care if we have 124 provinces or four Presidents and six Prime Ministers at the same time. Our government has never been for the people. We all have had to fend for ourselves without any help from the incompetent government.  Our dreams and hopes are being hijacked by a less than a dozen crooks and we still seem to be okay with it.

We did not elect these buffoons so that they could keep on procrastinating and extending the deadline again and again. We have already wasted billions of Rupees to feed these greedy lowlifes. 

If our clowns can't deliver us a constitution by the end of next month, then we should all take to the streets and gherao all their residences and ask for a refund. Yes, why should they get paid to do nothing?

If they can't deliver us a constitution by next month then they have no right to take salaries and perks from then on. Well, we won't mind if our clowns take another decade to finish the constitution if they promise to work for free, without taking a single Rupee from the state treasury. 

But of course, our clowns are not volunteers and they are not in it to build a better Nepal. These crooks are in it only for the money. They only know how to loot. Even pickpockets in Ratnapark have better morals than our clowns.

We need to remind our clowns that our country does not owe them anything. The state treasury is not their personal piggy bank and they should be ashamed of themselves for looting the state treasury to fatten their bellies. 

But it's the other way round. Before our clowns get elected, they all seem malnourished and they own only a pair of slippers, two pants and  three shirts at the most. After a few years in power, they look well-fed, well-dressed and they seem to have enough dough to last another three generations.

The Americans are doing fine with four sheets of paper written more than two centuries ago. The only bad thing is that everybody gets to bear arms and there is always shooting somewhere in Amrika. The British don't even have a written constitution and they are okay with it. The Queen will probably live to be hundred and Prince Charles will leave everything and be a monk.

New Zealand and Israel don’t have codified written constitution either and they are doing better than some of the repressive regimes with so-called constitution. We could learn a thing or two from them. Yes, our remote mountain areas could be a good place to shoot many 'Middle Earth' movies and we could ask the Israelis to help us grow tomatoes in all our pot holes in the city.  

Instead of being under pressure to deliver us a constitution, our clowns are busy pressuring the CIAA not to take action against folks who were caught leaking question papers for the MBBS exams. 

The question papers were sold for a million Rupees. I guess our top leaders also received some commission because it seems that Oli Dai and Sheru Dai are asking the CIAA wallahs to release those arrested in the scam.

We would have had a constitution by now if we had come up with a national lottery system where anybody above the age of 25 could apply to be picked as a lucky 'CA' member. 

Maybe, we should try the 'lottery thing' after the CA-II fails. Maybe, 601 common citizens will work together to find common ground to resolve all the disputed issues and finish the constitution-writing process on time. 

After we are done with the constitution, then maybe, we should just ban all political parties, our most corrupt institution and have a people's parliament where lucky draw winners get to be MPs for a year. 

Our government won't have to hold elections every year or two and waste billions of Rupees and we won't have hundreds of useless political parties extorting everyone they see.

Our clowns will probably give themselves another three month extension and that too just to come up with a first draft of the constitution. Well, let us all get back to our lives, and call the local cooking gas dealer to give us a cylinder for now.


Saturday, December 13, 2014

The Age Limit


Our incompetent government has decided to introduce new age limit for those who want to get their driving license for public transport vehicles. Earlier, the minimum age to drive our public vehicles was 21 but now, you have to 25 years old and on top of that, you have to pass your class ten exams.

Every year, more than half of our SLC candidates fail their exams. Hundreds of thousands of young folks who want to drive our public vehicles will now have to wait until they are 25 and must have passed their SLC by then. 

And if one is a SLC Pass then one would rather pursue further education or maybe take other vocational classes so that he or she can go abroad to make a few more Dinars and Ringgits instead of driving our public vehicles. 

Maybe our government is planning to introduce driverless public vehicles with the help of Google soon because if the 'class ten pass' thing is implemented then we won't have anybody driving our public vehicles.

Our government thinks that raising the age limit and having a minimum education requirement will prevent road accidents across the country. Our sarkari hakim sahebs should focus on providing us better roads and directing our traffic personnel to strictly monitor speeding, weight limit on goods carried and not allow public buses to overload with passengers. 

But of course, our government agencies don't want to take the blame. Yes, blame the rowdy drivers and their khalasis. Blame the common folks for not listening to the traffic cops and sitting on roof tops of public vehicles without worrying about their safety. 

Just because one is 25 and a SLC pass does not mean that he or she will drive safely and follow all traffic rules. If one is able to read and write then one is considered literate. If our new drivers are able to read the signs and follow the speed limit then that should be enough. Why is our incompetent government introducing new rules that don't make sense? 

You don't need to take biology, physics and chemistry classes to drive a public vehicle. It should be mandatory for our public vehicle drivers and his or her crew to carry first-aid kit and know CPR. 

It would be better if our drivers and their khalasis took some classes from health workers on how to make a sling, attended to minor medical emergencies and even deliver babies if needed. 

Yes, passing your ten class English exams is great but it is okay if our drivers don't know who Shakespeare is or can't recite any poems by Alfred Tennyson. If our driver can belt out few Narayan Gopal hits or the latest Dohori numbers then that should be good enough.

Our sarkari hakims tell us that 70% of the road accidents in the country are due to the negligence of our drivers. Our government has also formed a taskforce to find out the reasons for road accidents and come up with solutions to prevent such accidents in the future. Instead of wasting money on committees to investigate this and that, just build better roads and maintain them.

Maybe, our government should introduce new rules for contractors building our roads. Our Road Department wallahs should also be held accountable along with our slimy contractors for roads that don't last a few months after completion. 

When it comes to road accidents, if we can control speeding by our public bus drivers then road accidents in the country could be minimized. And the number one problem is our mobile phones. 

It seems that nearly all of our public vehicle drivers like to either talk on their phones or fiddle around for songs on their playlist while driving along the narrow roads. 

Folks who want to apply for public transport driving licenses must also have two years of experience driving lighter vehicles. That means, you can still apply to drive big buses even if you have two years experience driving around town in a Nano. 

Our government should start a driving institute for those interested to drive public vehicles and the classes must run for at least a year. Hundreds of thousands of young folks can take the classes, get certified by qualified instructors and they could make some decent money driving heavy-load vehicles in the Middle East. 

Before heading abroad, we can make it mandatory for them to drive our public vehicles in the country for at least two years. Then, we won't have to worry about not having enough folks to drive our public vehicles.

The maximum age limit for new license applicant is set at 59.  Whoever came up with the age limit should be awarded with a President Medal. I think our cabinet should further endorse the age limit for politicians as well. 

Yes, we are okay with a 25-year-old becoming an MP and the maximum age limit should be 59. So by the time, one is 63, he or she will step down and be a mentor for other politicians or engage in social service instead of hogging the limelight and staying in power until one drops dead.

We should also have a two year experience for our future MPs. They should at least work two years in a rural area before they can qualify to stand for election. 

And yes, let's raise the bar when it comes to education. Instead of just a SLC pass, we should have MPs who at least have a Bachelor's Degree and can speak, read and write simple English so that they don't get lost when in transit in international airports.