Saturday, September 24, 2016

Emperor Strikes Back!




Our great Emperor is back from his so-called successful visit to Samosa-Land and we really should thank him for not flying to New York right away and instead deciding to stay home and do nothing.  

If we could send a man or a woman to Mars then that's a successful mission. Going to Delhi and grabbing a few samosas and chai and hanging out with the Desis is just another arse-kissing mission! 

Did India promise to give us free electricity this winter and help us cut our load shedding hours into half? Nope. If India was really our good chimeki or a brother or whatever you want to call the Desis,  they would be giving us more than free buses and ambulances!

Our politicians and civil servants are beggars. They beg for petty little things from the Desis. Why not think big? But of course, the only thing big our politicians and civil servants have is their ego. 

At home, they act like Mini-Maharajas because they have all the power and they do everything possible to misuse their authority and make tons of money through illegal means for their near and dear ones. 

When abroad, they act timid and more like puppies because they can't just boss the bideshis around. They bow down to the foreigners in hopes of getting a pat on the back then they come home and continue to do their usual nautanki nataks to make our lives miserable!

If we really want to help our farmers then we should all drink ginger-honey-hote-lemon (GHHL) everyday so that even if India bans our ginger, at least we can help our farmers by our new 'drink at least 3 cups of GHHL' a day mission! 

It doesn't matter who goes to India and hangs around with their politicians. The Desis will treat all of them the same,  like a shopkeeper in Ason who treats all panhandlers the same!

Well, let us again thank our Emperor for saving us a few million Rupees for scrapping his Amirki vacation plans. Or maybe, our Emperor now thinks twice whenever he has to travel to a different time zone. Well, India is just across the border and you can even get back home on rickshaw but Amrika is a different place. 

And somebody in New York should have advised our foreign mini-sinister and his spouse on how to take a good photograph when you have the opportunity to do so with the most powerful person on Earth and his Mrs.

The Amriki President and the First Lady were showing their pearly whites while our Minister and his Mrs were like as if they left their dentures at home? When the photographer says 'Cheese', then you say 'Cheese' and then you get a wonderful picture. 

The Obamas are leaving the White House in four months and they seem happy. Why is not our Foreign Minister happy? At least smile like you are enjoying the photo session. Think about the free foreign trip for yourself and your spouse. That would really make any of us happy if we did get free travel package that too to Amrika!

But of course, the Amrikans are different. Obama will be out of the White House by next January and he will have to work on his memoirs and give like hundreds of speeches in a year so that he can make some money. But here in this land of the care-free, our politicians will make enough money to last seven generations in less than seven months if they get to be a mantri! 

And our Emperor seems to be pissed off at the BINGOs! Yes, we have tons of Bad International Non Governmental Organizations in the country. Yes, they have their so-called experts who get paid thousands of dollars per day to come to this land and tell us what to do. 

It's their money and they can do whatever they want with it. It's not like our corrupt government has hired these experts at the expense of our taxpayers and we have to foot their bill.

So why is our Emperor not happy with these so-called BINGOs! Well, our man in Baluwatar tells us that these bideshis waste their money by making their report public at five-star hotels. 

I guess our netas have forgotten that they too meet in resorts and five-star properties to end the so-called political deadlock and instead lock themselves and enjoy their bideshi whiskey while we, the people think that they are in there actually to resolve the political crisis at hand.

Our Emperor feels that these BINGOs spend all their money on meetings and seminars instead of working for the welfare of the poor people. Yes, he is right and so do our civil servants and politicians who have never worked for the people and are always busy attending meetings and signing million-point agreements that amount to nothing. 

If it weren't for these BINGOs, our politicians would not get free tickets, stipend and gift hampers to attend conferences overseas.

Our Emperor is confused that with hundreds of BINGOs in this country, are they really working to help the people or they have other self-interest to be here. We also are confused with our politicians and civil servants who continue to extort and exploit common folks because their only interest is to make as much moolah as they can while in power while taking this country down the drain.

Our incompetent and corrupt government is not happy with the BINGOs because they are not transparent and do not coordinate with the government when spending millions of dollars. 

Maybe, our government should also make sure that our political parties are transparent when it comes to their financial dealings and Dr KC should be made the head of the CIAA so that he can really go after every corrupt crook in this land.

Let us hope that one day, we will have netas and sarkari hakims who really want to help the common folks and only then we will not need these BINGOs around. Let us clean up our house first so that we don't have to deal with bideshis coming here promising to clean up the mess.  


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Emperor's Vacation!




Our Emperor is in India with his jumbo entourage. As usual, our corrupt government is good at wasting our taxpayers' money on such visits. Why on earth do you need hundreds of folks to accompany our Prime Monster? 

Why can't a dozen folks tag along and save us a few million Rupees?  Let us hope that one day, we will only have our Prime Monster and his security detail along with two or three advisors visiting foreign lands instead of making it look like it's some kind of a college tour program. 

It seems like our government is a travel operator and wants to take as many folks as possible at the expense of our taxpayers' money. And our civil servants, politicians and con artists will not forgo the opportunity to get a free vacation package even if it's just for a trip across the border and for a few days. It would have been better if we had sent our Prime Monster and his entourage on buses. 

They could then at least see the state of our highways and the difference between our border areas and those of the Desis. And at the same time, they could have counted how many pillars are missing as they crossed the border. 

Our Emperor tells us that he is visiting India to bring our relationship with our chimeki back on track.  Yes, our comedian Oli also told us that he would be doing the same thing when he went to India as well. 

We all know that the Desis really do not trust our politicians and neither do we. So it seems that our Prime Monsters have to visit Delhi after they take office to make sure that they are still in the good books with the Desis. 

Yes, India did help us after the earthquake but the blockade natak screwed us all. Our government failed to resolve the crisis in all ways possible. If our chor netas can't even bring other chor netas on board and resolve the political crisis in the country then there is no point in always blaming the Desis for all the problems in this land. 

If we keep on fighting with each other and act like buffoons, our chimeki will surely take advantage of it. 

Look at the Desis! It does not matter who becomes their Prime Monster, the policies towards Nepal rarely change and we have to deal with the same issues every year. But here in this land, our politicians think getting few trucks load of stuff from China will help us to reduce our trade deficit and dependence on India. 

And our politicians and civil servants act like beggars whenever they meet the Desis. Instead of working together to make things right, our civil servants will ask for scholarships for their children while our chor netas will ask for cash and moral support to stay in power. 

Our experts tell us that we need a new comprehensive policy towards each other but our lazy civil servants never do their homework and are never prepared to discuss any issues with the Desis because they only think for themselves and their families and not the country and the people. 

The last time our Emperor was in India, he hugged Mickey Mouse so tightly that the poor economist could no longer function. Since then India has Modi living in Race Course Road whereas we have had nearly half a dozen folks in Baluwatar.  

Let us hope that this time, our Emperor can impress Modi with his 'dandiya dance'.  And stop drinking bideshi whiskey for a day or two and stick to plain vegetarian diet. After all, our Emperor is good at using his acting skills to impress others. Hope Modi will be impressed by our Emperor's nataks and gift us more ambulances and buses as usual.

And when it comes to so-called mega projects like our highways and hydropower projects, the Desis pledge billions and promise to finish the works in a few years but then they forget about it. Our Prime Monster should ask the Desis if they are really interested to help us by helping to build our infrastructure and hydropower projects as soon as possible or they just want to act like they are helping us. 

We all know that India will commit to help us finish the pending projects and will pledge more money but there will be no timeline and we will never know when those projects will finally be completed. 

Then our Prime Monster will come back to Nepal and term his visit to India as being the most successful ever and thank the Desis for their hospitality, free samosas and what not. 

Our Prime Monster will be back home tomorrow and then leave for New York on Monday to participate in the UN General Assembly. He will be in the land of the free for a week. 

Maybe, he should also meet Hillary and Trump on the side. Hillary has been to Nepal before when she was the First Lady. Now, our Prime Monster should flatter Hillary by telling her the Nepal wants to see a woman Amriki President and if she makes history then she should first visit Nepal. 

What about Trump? Well, what's there to talk about Trump? He is an idiot and you never know, he might surprise us all because the American public has voted for jerks and fools before.  And we are no different. We keep on electing the same chors over and over again and they continue to loot us again and again. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com