Saturday, January 31, 2015

Where do we go from here?




Our freeloaders seem to only know how to get into confrontation instead of forging consensus to deliver a constitution. Our good for nothing netas need to understand that they need to be flexible and be able to compromise to end the political deadlock instead of playing the blame game.

Our clowns have shown us that they are good at fighting with each other over petty issues but come to an agreement only when it comes to looting the state treasury. I think they have a lot to learn from the common people whom they claim to fight for. 

The common folks have to compromise everyday and sacrifice a lot to provide for their families. Our clowns sacrifice the young ones while promising a better future for all of us but in reality, they are only after the kurchi.

It's about time we took a stand regardless of our political affiliation, religion or ethnicity.  Our young ones should take to the streets and tell the dirty old men to either shape up or ship out. 

I think we should ask our social leaders who have devoted their life to improve society to take the lead because we are tired of our political actors who are better fit for circus acts than writing the constitution.

Our Emperor and his friends have now announced a new series of protest programs that will probably last till the Nepali New Year. Our ruling clowns want to settle everything by pushing for the voting process whereas our opposition buffoons want consensus but do not want to agree to anything.

The 30-party opposition alliance wants to go the people to force the ruling coalition to back down. Why in the world would you want to go back to the people when we have already sent all of you freeloaders to the Constipated Assembly (CA) to give us a constitution? 

Our political parties do not care about the people. Most of our clowns are wild capitalists masquerading as socialists and communists. We have yet to see any social programs that benefit the common people while our byaparis continue to make a killing. 

Our incompetent government can't even provide us a cylinder of cooking gas and yet our Sushil Da and his crew members are not ashamed about it. Our so-called netas have no empathy because all of them suffer from Narcissistic personality disorder. 

Instead of making our lives miserable by carry out chakka jams, rallies and bandas, our opposition wallahs should hire all theater artistes in the country and stage theatres across the country. I think our Maoist and their allies should ask their cultural groups to perform songs and dances while we wait in line to get a refill of cooking gas cylinder.

We have given these buffoons a second chance and they are still not interested to come together to write the constitution. If we are to get a constitution only after everyone is satisfied then we will have to wait for another decade or two decades when most of our so-called top leaders will be in hell. Maybe our young generation of leaders will then finally deliver a constitution.

Our opposition wallahs plan to carry out their protest programs in three phases. I guess the first one will be peaceful rallies, the second will be bandas here and there and the final showdown will probably be inside of the CA Hall. Please do not throw chairs and hurls microphones this time. 

You can disrupt the CA by dancing non-stop for a week and probably get into the Guinness Book of World Records. Do something to make us proud instead of playing the blame game and hurting the common people who really don't want to see the same natak again and again.

Most of our young folks and flower shops wallahs in the country will be happy if our freeloaders don't carry out any bandas on February 14. I think it would be better if our opposition wallahs handed roses to the ruling clowns on that day and make up instead of mocking each other.

I think we should also ask our opposition wallahs not to conduct rallies and other protest nataks on Saturdays as well. Leave Saturdays to the people while you can battle it out with each on weekdays. The common folks have only a day off and they want to visit their friends and families and go to the movies or take their kids to the Zoo unlike our incompetent clowns who have all the free time in the world.

Our clowns need to understand why we are here. Our Emperor and his allies have failed to win the hearts and the minds of folks who really believe in change. We may have gotten rid of one Maharaja but we now have a dozen mini-Maharajas. 

Our  Emperor and his allies have no choice but to work together with the ruling clowns to write the constitution. We are here today because our comrades wanted nothing less than a Constituent Assembly to draft a new constitution. 

It would be stupid for them to boycott or even quit the CA and think that taking to the streets will help to forge consensus among themselves. Please compromise and move on.

Yesterday was Martyrs' Day and as usual, we had a public holiday and our government wallahs did their fake act of remembering the martyrs. Let us all pay tribute to our martyrs who sacrificed their lives for a better Nepal. 

It's a shame that our so-called leaders have failed us miserably and are hell-bent on taking this country down the drain instead of realizing the dreams of the martyrs.



Saturday, January 24, 2015

Musical Chairs



While our clowns are making a fool of themselves by resorting to daang doong inside the CA hall, our cricketers are making us proud by inching closer to the ICC World Cup League Division 1. It would have been nice if our clowns had sorted out their differences over a game of cricket instead of throwing chairs around the CA Hall. 

We should ask Paras Khadka to give a motivational speech to our Constipated Assembly (CA) members once he and his lads come back home. Our cricket team will most likely participate in the World Cup by 2020 but we can't be sure if we will have a constitution by then. 

Our cricketers could certainly teach our con artists how to work as a team instead of going on a rampage and acting like juvenile delinquents.

I think we should ask our Nepal Police to provide riot gears to all CA members and one laathi each as well. Let our clowns battle it out with each other while we stay home, eat badam and suntala while enjoying the rampage live on TV. 

Our Emperor and Dr. Saheb have both become our Prime Monsters and they should have known better. Instead of resorting to acts of vandalism, they should have camped outside the CA building and maybe prevented anyone from going inside. 

A week-long BBQ party with dancing and singing would have been more enjoyable for everyone instead of bandas and other bakwaas nataks.

Umesh Kumar Yadav, our CA member from the UCPN (Maoist) should be awarded the 'Strongest CA Member' title for throwing the chairs around like a wild man. Our government should pay his airfare to participate in 'The World's Strongest Man' competition. 

Who knows, Yadav could bring home a medal and make us all proud. After all, he desperately needs an outlet to vent his anger.

Our buffoons managed to break chairs, hurl microphones and smash tables and TVs while they shouted slogans against the ruling parties. And on top of that, our cadres managed to burn vehicles across the country.  

A taxi driver in Lalitpur was nearly burned alive. Why do our political parties target innocent hardworking folks instead of just shutting down Singha Durbar? 

They tell us that the damage at the CA Hall is around Rs 3 million. I think we need to ask the CIAA to do the math. Maybe some of our civil servants want to make some extra money by inflating the cost of the damages. A few broken mikes, chairs and tables do not cost millions of Rupees unless it was imported from the Middle East where the Sheiks like everything in gold. 

I think it would be better if we just got rid of all the chairs, tables and microphones and placed yoga mats all over the CA Hall. The CA Chairman could begin the session by requesting all members to do the Surya Namaskara. 

Instead of meeting at midnight while everyone is grumpy, the CA members should meet early in the morning on an empty stomach. Then, they would probably agree to almost anything because everyone would want to fill their tummy with some food at the earliest rather than resort to shouting slogans. 

And we won't have to worry about vandalism because no one would have the energy to run around wild when their blood sugar level is low.

The Bideshis have now issued travel alerts requesting their citizens to be careful if they are traveling to Nepal. Our incompetent government should also issue 'visa' alerts requesting all Nepalis to not make the Bideshis a few dollar or pound richer by applying for student and tourist visas to Australia, Canada, the United Kingdom and Amrika.  

Most of  our visa applications are rejected and we still continue to apply for visas to the West. I think our bideshi embassies should at least return some of the money if one does not get a visa instead of extorting hundreds of dollars just to have a glance at the applications.

I think we should also charge tourist fees like the Bhutanese and maybe we will have more civilized tourists who can afford to pay more rather than the ones who seem to enjoy Nepal for less than US$5 per day and act like savages.  

I think tourists from these western countries should be made aware that we only target our own folks while we let the blue-plated wallahs and tourist buses ply on the road during bandas.  

CA Part II still has three years to go and there will be more looting of the state treasury. Our clowns only want to be mini-sinisters and make some dough.  KP Oli wants to be our Prime Monster while Sushil Da, our President. 

How about organizing a game of musical chairs for our top leaders? The top two finishers then can decide whether they want to live in Baluwatar or Maharjgunj.

At the end of the day, it  doesn't really matter if we have a constitution or not. We all have to go to work, pay our bills and hope for a better future while our clowns don't have to work, their bills get paid by the state and they just want to loot everything today as if there is no tomorrow.  

Let us forget about constitution and focus on cricket instead. When our lads return home, let's give them a heroes' welcome.