Saturday, November 1, 2014

Cricket will keep us alive

Our clowns are busy hanging out at resorts and residences of our top freeloaders and are still coming up short but our cricketers have once again done us proud by winning the ICC World Cricket League Division III title.  

I think our clowns should hire our cricket coach Pubudu Dassanayake to teach them how to work as a team, instead of trying to outdo each other by bickering over petty issues. 

The Cricket Association of Nepal has a new CEO and finance manager. Let's all hope that Bhawana Ghimire, the new CEO will lead CAN to new heights. The old stooges at CAN have been giving the CEO a cold shoulder because they only know how to skim the funds instead of spending it to develop the sport in the country.

I think it's about time all our sports associations had competent CEOs instead of corrupt cronies. I think our government should have a 'Cricket' Fund and we all can pitch in to help build stadiums and provide better  facilities to our cricketers. 

The only we can ever play in the FIFA World Cup is if we host it but we don't have billions of dollars to throw away. But in a decade or two, we might be a test-playing nation and could be in the Cricket World Cup.

Our lazy bums are still wasting our time by fighting over how many provinces we need in our 'New Nepal'. It really doesn't matter how many provinces we have in this land of ours. What matters is that our common folks get enough gaas, baas and kapas to lead a decent life. 

I don't think we can afford to have new chief ministers and pay billions of Rupees to change our driving licenses, sign boards and what not. We don't need political parties offering us 40,000 MW of electricity or turning us into Swiss or Singaporeans. 

All we need is one political party that will work for the people. All we want is jobs so that we can pay our bills unlike our lazy bums who only want to loot the state treasury for their children, cousins and cadres.

It’s sad that our government doesn’t care about the people. Our clowns get free medical treatment and they waste millions of Rupees every year for their check-ups abroad. Our flood and landslide victims have yet to receive compensation. 

And those who have received some relief money  are not the victims but our evil party cadres. I think one should just visit the affected areas and hand out cash and relief materials to the victims instead of having a photo-op cheque-handing session with our beloved Prime Minister.

But of course, our CDO sahebs don't us to do that because they want all the funds and relief materials to be distributed by our incompetent government agencies. Our civil servants have not change a bit. They act like they are forced to do their jobs. Somebody must remind them that they are here to serve the public and not the other way round.

Our cricket team represents the 'real' Nepal. Our so-called leaders do not. We are all hardworking, law-abiding citizens. Our incompetent clowns only know how to waste our money, time and have no respect for the laws of the land. 

But we have cricket for now. Once in a while, when our cricketers win, we forget our miseries. I think our Desi brother, NaMo should have provided Rs 10,000 crores to develop cricket in this land of ours instead of providing the loan to our incompetent buffoons who will only use it to fatten their own bellies.

The 18th SAARC Summit will be here in few weeks and let's expect traffic jams, blocked roads and tight security for our Shark lleaders. Yes, our leaders in the region are like sharks. We are the small fishes. 

We are still the poorest region in the world not because we lack natural resources. We are poor because all the opportunities and resources have been used by our politicians and their cronies while the common folks are left with no choice but to seek employment opportunities overseas.

Our government agencies are busy preparing for the Shark Summit. Yes, plant them trees that will wither and die in a few months. Fill up them pot holes and put some solar lights on our streets. Make way for the bideshis! 

The government should also warn us to stay away from the venue and maybe declare a three-day holiday so that the Shark leaders can drive around the city without any obstruction. 

What about our stray dogs and cattle? It would be nice if KMC spent some dough and bought garlands for our stray dogs. And what about our stray cattle? I think they can work part-time for the traffic police as roadblocks.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Clowns under quarantine

Our UN peacekeepers from Nepal Army and Armed Police Force who have returned from Liberia have been put under quarantine just to make sure that they are Ebola-free.  They will be regularly monitored for the next 21 days to make sure that they are okay. 

Our security personnel seem to be doing a great job during the UN peacekeeping missions around the world.  Let’s hope that all of our peacekeepers will get to go home without any health issues and be with their families after the quarantine ends. 

Every year, hundreds of thousands of our young folks go overseas as unskilled labor. They are exploited and are provided with inhuman living conditions. I think our incompetent government should work out a deal with the UN-wallahs and train our young folks to serve as peacekeepers in conflict zones around the world.  

It would be better if our young folks are engaged in preventing conflicts around the world than being treated like slaves in the Gulf region.  

I think it's about time, we placed our visionary leaders under quarantine for the next 21 days as well.  Maybe, our buffoons will be so sick of squabbling with each other over the next three weeks that they might have no choice but to agree on the disputed issues of the constitution writing process.

Our freeloaders have already spent millions in the past eight years, hanging out at resorts around the valley.  If they really want to get away from the pollution and chaos in the capital then our top buffoons should be placed under quarantine in Khaptad National Park. 

Yes, let's pitch tents four our clowns and they can enjoy a simple meal of dal, bhat instead of sleeping in comfy beds and enjoying dinner and expensive bideshi drinks at the taxpayers expense.

There must be some magic potion we can give to our buffoons to overcome procrastination. If we can't find any magicians then maybe we should just eat the carrot and carry a big stick. Our Kangaroos and the United Mundrey leaders are more than happy to go for a voting process if none of the clowns can agree to resolve the issues. 

Our political parties should have finished preparing the first draft of the constitution by now but so far, they have nothing to show for except the usual bickering over how many provinces we need and if we want a Prime Monster or a President to carry the stick.

Our top clowns have promised us all that they will deliver a new constitution by January 22nd, 2015. But our Emperor and his comrades have made it clear that they will not support the voting process to resolve the disputed issues. 

Maybe, we should just ask the All Nepal Football Association (ANFA)to organize a football tournament between our political parties. We can call it the 'Nepal Cup'. We can have a league round first and then the knock-out stages to decide who gets to have their say in our new constitution.

ANFA President and our CA member, Ganesh Thapa and his three musketeers, Vice President Lalit Krishna Shrestha, General Secretary Dhirendra Pradhan and Treasurer Birat Jung Shahi have been charged with engaging in financial irregularities worth Rs 581.7 million. They have been asked to take a leave for two months until the investigation is over but our four amigos are here to stay. 

After all, they have been running the show for over two decades not by doing the right thing but by doling out funds to their cronies and even political parties. After all, if you share the loot, you get to keep your boot and if you don't then you get the boot. It not only applies to our sports associations in the country but to our political parties and government agencies as well.

If you are a party member who can bring in the funds for your political party then you get the ticket to stand up election. And if you win then you will get to become a minister. But in this country, you don't have to win elections to become a minister. You can be a mundrey and still become a minister. Then, you can raise more funds for the party. 

It's the same story with our bureaucracy. Our civil servants have to pay our ministers to get lucrative postings and promotions. No wonder, we have more than a dozen AIGs in Nepal Police. 

By 2020,  don't be surprised if you see a high-ranking police official in charge of a local police beat in Rolpa. Our hakim sahebs can stay home and play cards while the low-level employees collect the chiya kharcha from the general public and it goes up the ladder. 

Everything goes up in this country, be it the food prices, transportation fares and even the chiya kharcha as well. The only thing that goes down in this land of ours is our morale. What can we do to motivate ourselves and our freeloaders?  

We all know that we will not be rejoicing come January 23rd, 2015 because we won't get the new constitution then. We will probably either go for round three of  Constipated Assembly (CA) or we can just go on with our lives without the help of a government or our corrupt political parties. After all, that's what we have been doing for the past two centuries.