Saturday, August 27, 2016

Faction Distraction!

Our great Kangaroos have finally managed to figure out whom to send to represent them in the new government. Earlier, the Maoist and the morons had agreed to go with 8 and 13 ministries but I guess our Emperor has shown us that he is flexible by doling out two more to the Kangaroos so that they can satisfy their own folks.

It took them 23 days to come up with 13 warriors. And like everything else in our society, our King Deuba has to deal with factions and make sure he keeps them happy as well. Poudel Ba gets five, Sitaula gets one and Deuba gets seven this time. We already have two other Kangaroo ministers from Deuba panel as well. 

So why do we need the quota system in everything from Supreme Court Justices to Ambassadors to Mantris and even hakim sahebs in our government agencies? Well, the answer is our political parties need to make some dough because they need to fight elections in the future and our netas need to make Karods so that they have enough to last another generation. 

Our netas come to the valley with torn shirts and worn-out slippers and in a decade, they ride around in luxury vehicles, live in mansions and their kids settle down abroad or get involved in government contracts to mint more money.

Our Emperor also has to make sure his so-called united Maoist stay together. But the factions who came back will only stick together as long as they receive opportunities to make some dough at the expense of our taxpayers. 

Yes, the only goal for our political parties once they get into power is to loot the state treasury, extort from our civil servants in return for lucrative postings and promotions and receive kickbacks and what not from con artists who win government contracts for projects that seem to go on for decades.

King Deuba is just waiting to have a good time again. Only eight months to go and then he gets to live in Baluwatar again. He will be swift to make decisions not to help the country and the people but to help himself and his near and dear ones. It's time to make more moolah for the King and his courtiers. 

Gagan Thapa is finally a mantri. Once, he was looked upon as our future leader, the voice of the youth and what not. Well, after the 'Ghaitey' encounter, we have come to realize that he is no different from our other netas who have mundreys under their wings and use their help to further their own political careers.

Gagan is now our Health Minister. So what does a Health Minister do in this land? Well, the civil servants will advise the minister whom to appoint, promote and transfer for cash full of boras. And then make money off medial equipments, medicines and any contracts out there. 

If Gagan really wants to win our hearts and mind then he should visit all our government hospitals all across the country. Yes, go on a field visit, spend a month or two outside the valley. Then, come up with a master plan to reform the healthcare system in the country. 

Take action against doctors receive their paycheck from the state but refer the patients to their own private clinics. Make sure our government hospitals are equipped with adequate resources and provide quality healthcare services to the public. He has eight months to prove himself. Let us hope he does his job well.

Our Prime Monster, the great Emperor thinks he has done enough with his direction to our high ranking civil servants to win the hearts and minds of the people by doing their job. So far, our sarkari hakims have done nothing. Shutting down petrol pumps and supermarkets is good news but we all know that the wrong doers will go back to their old ways once they have paid off our thulo mancheys.

At the end of the day, it's our civil servants who run the system and if they are not doing their job, we the people suffer miserably.

So how can we motivate our civil servants? Our comedian Oli gave them a salary hike and nothing happened. Our byaparis have all hiked the prices of their goods a day after the budget bhasan and we, the people now pay 20-30% more than two months ago. 

Our civil servants do not need salary hike, dress allowance and other perks. Most of them make double their state salaries from chiya kharcha provided by the service seekers. The peon will make double, the section officers will make five times more and the hakim sahebs will make millions. Everybody gets their share and everybody is happy except us the people!

Our netas are stuck in a quicksand of faction distraction. They can never get out of it because they can't piss of their own cadres. If they do, they will lose elections and will no longer get the opportunity to misuse the power and make millions. We have hundreds of political parties in this land. But it's just handful that are in the game and they will do everything possible to share the loot amongst themselves while bankrupting the country. 

Yes, keep on sharing and looting. Enjoy it while it lasts because all good things must come to an end some day.  We have seen the Shree Tins, we have the seen the Mandaleys and we are now into the age of 'Maoist, Morons and Madhesi combo plans'. Let's hope we will finally get the leadership we deserve by the end of this decade.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Cartels, Clowns & Comedians

Our Emperor is busy directing our civil servants to crack down against black marketers, our syndicate wallahs and those selling adulterated and substandard food products.  If running this country was like making a movie then it would be quite an easy job for our Emperor. A film director directs and the cast and crew follow his vision to bring out a movie. 

But of course, to make a good movie needs competent crew and able cast but the most important thing is the script. But of course, most of our filmmakers forget about the story and fail to do their homework before production begins. 

And it's the same story with our politicians who seem to have no vision on how to move this country forward. They just blurt out whatever comes to their mind and they are good at promising everything while delivering nothing. 

We all know that our laws are lax and lenient and that is the reason why our byaparis continue to indulge in black marketing, hoarding and over pricing of food products. If they get caught, they just pay a fine running into to only thousands of Rupees and they rarely go to jail. 

And most of our thulo byaparis voluntary contribute some dough to our political parties and that's the main reason why they can continue to sell adulterated products and get away with it. 

If our Emperor really wants to do us a big favor then he should go after the powerful cartels that run this country. They tell us that we live in a democracy and we are free. But in reality, we live in an Oligarchy where few people run this country and we are free to leave this land and go abroad to make a few Ringgits. 

Look at our transport wallahs and their old rusty buses. These byaparis continue to break the law and go scot-free even when passengers are killed due to the negligence of the drivers. They have their own committees and they provide compensation but face no legal action at all. 

And our Biplab dai and his comrades should stop shutting down schools just because the school wallahs do not want to contribute some chiya kharcha to his party. Yes, our comrades tell us that our private school should stop hiking their school fees. 

But our private school wallahs are the ones who do pay off our political parties and even most of our politicians have investment in such schools. How can the government take any action against our byaparis when those in power have invested in such ventures?

If our Emperor really wants to win our hearts and minds then he should camp at our Kalimati Fruits and Vegetable Market and stay there for a few days to figure out why the consumers pay five times more than what our farmers receive from the middlemen. 

Dear Prime Monster, do not promise us 40,000 MW of electricity or to make this country another Singapore or Switzerland. With the way things are going, we are moving towards becoming another Sudan or Somalia. But if you really want to help us, the common folks then make sure we can afford to buy the vegetables and fruits with our meager salaries. 

Please make sure that we have enough cooking gas and the fuel prices must come down further because our Nepal Oli Corporation is back in green, has paid off its debt and do not need to charge more to cover their office kharcha and so-called non-existent interest payment. 

But our netas don't have to worry about buying vegetables or making sure water tankers are available or they have enough cooking gas and fuel. They get salaries and perks from the state and do not have to worry about daily essentials because their personal aides will do whatever it takes to make sure our netas and their families are well-fed and well taken care of.

Our Emperor thinks he has shown us how much he cares for the people by pledging his first month's salary to our Dhurmus Suntali Foundation. My first question is why is our Emperor still taking salary from the state when he alone is worth billions of Rupees. 

Why can't he just refuse to take a paisa from the state and use his own personal vehicle and bring his meals from home while in Baluwatar instead of spending millions each month?

If our Emperor is really eager to help our 'comedy' couple to rebuild homes across the country then why not make the couple the head of the Nepal Reconstruction Authority. 

I think Dhurmus and Suntali can help the government to rebuild homes of all displaced families in a year and the government could receive billions of Rupees from the people as contribution for the reconstruction projects if our couple head the agency. 

But of course, those who want to help are discouraged by the government because political appointees will make sure that our political parties receive their cut while competent people will make sure that the work gets done and nobody makes illegal profit from such works. 

And our government will never rebuild the homes of our people and even if they did it will take decades.  This is the new Nepal where our politicians have turned into comedians and our real comedians have turned into social workers. 

Our two special envoys are in China and India but we all know that our chimekis will tell our messengers that until we have political stability in this land, it will be difficult for us to dream and then achieve peace and prosperity. 

It seems that our government's top priority is to kiss our chimekis' arses and please them for a few Yuan and Bharu instead of making us happy.  

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at