Saturday, February 25, 2017

Go Local!

Our incompetent government has already announced the date for local elections and we are all excited that we will finally have our own folks representing us in the villages, wards and municipalities. 

It's been a long time since we had our sarkari wallahs heading our local offices and our civil servants are good at doing nothing while making sure that the so-called all party mechanism continues to loot the funds meant for the people.

Yes, we know that the looting will continue even when we have our own mayors and ward chairpersons but at least we can hold them accountable and kick them out come next election. But with the civil servants, we have no choice but to bear their incompetence and lack of will to do what's right. 

Local elections are not easy. It is much easier to win the general election and be a MP than win the local election and be a ward chairperson. Local elections are tough because first you have to be a local. You can't just be a person from Rolpa and then show up in Dolpa and contest election from there like our parasites do during the general elections. 

Look at our Emperor! The man contested from Kirtipur and Siraha and somehow was lucky enough or managed to make a deal to win from Siraha by a meager 900 votes.  And the funny thing is the man doesn't even live in any of these two places that he stood up for election. 

I think we need some kind of a residency law that only allows a person from the same area to fight all elections instead of having a guy from Lamjung win the general election from Lalitpur.

Second, you need to have some experience working for the people be it as a tole samiti member or be involved in social service or be a political parasite to fight local elections. You have to know your neighbors and be in touch with other influencers in the ward or municipality. 

Twenty years ago, a former mundrey became our ward chairperson. Yes, you can be a mundrey gunda and if you can scare most of your opponents and charm the rest of the folks then you too can be a ward chairperson. 

Yes, money and muscles work hand in hand when winning elections in this land. No wonder, most of our mundrey gundas are affiliated with our major political parties. Some who are not that lucky get killed by the police, some who are lucky go on to be netas and even mantris and use the police for their own personal gain. 

Twenty years ago, we used to make fun of Bihar. Now, the Biharis make fun of us because our politicians and criminals are now working day and night to make this country disappear while the Biharis seem to be doing much better when it comes to building infrastructure and steering their state in the right direction.

Yes, we will all be lining up to cast our votes come May 14th.  But it seems that our political parties are not yet ready for elections. It seems that this country is being held hostage by our so-called big three political parties. The three stooges just want to share power and enjoy the loot. 

Our three circus companies need to be on the same page and should address the demands of our Madhesi and Janjati parties. Finally, the House has been able to hold deliberations on the seven-point amendment bill but we all know that if the bill is not passed with revisions then local elections will not be possible in the plains and the hills.

Our government will spend billions of Rupees to hold the local elections. And then we have the state and general elections as well. As usual our chors will spend most of the capital budget in the last month of the fiscal year and we, the people seem to be not interested to speak up and stand up to the mismanagement of funds by the folks in power.

King Deuba is the man under pressure this month. He really wants his man from the Far West to be our police chief because the local leaders from his region have asked him not to come back if Chand does not get the kurchi to head Nepal Police. 

Our Supreme Court is taking its time to figure out if the cabinet decision to appoint Chand is right. Currently, we have a doctor heading the police force. While he is the acting chief, it would be nice if he introduced a fitness test for most of our police personnel. And there should be a no drinking on the job and 'wash your mouth with soap' before interacting with the public campaign as well.

Our security agencies need to be prepared and be able to maintain law and order during elections. We know that it's a difficult task because you also have deal with political pressures and whoever is in charge of Home Ministry tend to use our security agencies to somehow help his or her own political party in such times. 

It’s about time we had a separate Police Service Commission and made sure that our political parasites stop interfering with the transfers and promotions of our police wallahs. But of course, our netas don't want to do what's right for this country. It's sad that the real patriots are silent while traitors get to be in power while slowly selling out this country to the highest bidder!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Low-Life Loafers

Our Emperor should learn a thing or two from Amriki President Trump when it comes to coming up with new nataks every week. The man in the West has been coming up with new tricks every week even if it pisses the rest of the world. 

Of course, most of the stuff is against what Amrika stands for but he is busy making sure that he keeps his voters happy and is already thinking about another four years in office. 

We don't know how the Trump administration will deal with the courts, intelligence agencies and the federal civil service. Some say, he will be Nixon XXL. But I guess Trump is now learning that it is hard to destroy the temple when you are inside it. 

It is much easier to attack the government from the outside. Our Emperor has his experiences doing that but once you are part of the government, it is difficult to destroy it from the inside. Our Emperor also knows how that will turn out as well.

Our Emperor must have lost touch with his magic skills lately. He is busy trying to keep the Madhesi netas happy so that they can all agree whether to hold the local and general elections this year. 

We all know that it is easy to announce the date for the elections but will the government really hold the elections on time?

I think our incompetent government seems to forget that they must pass the constitutional amendments to pave way for elections in the country. King Deuba is already itching to get to Baluwatar and begin his rule of  'Pajerocracy'. 

Yes, our lawmakers will love him for he is known to be a very generous man when it comes to looting the state funds to provide perks and benefits to the folks in the House.

If Oli was still hanging out at Baluwatar, he would have at least pledged to build a wall and make India pay for it. If we had made Baidya Ba our Prime Monster, he would have gone a step further and declared war against India. 

If our comrade Biplab had his way, we would be fighting a new war not against the state or the people or even India but against business houses. No wonder, they seem to want to blow up towers and what not and extort money from our byaparis.

It seems that our politicians are not interested to rebuild the homes and the lives of the folks displaced by the earthquake. Hundreds of thousands of children are affected because they have no schools to go to and our government is least interested to begin any projects to rebuild the schools. 

Our politicians don't care about the children, women or senior citizens. If they did then our kids would not suffer. They would have at least a building to go to attend their classes. 

They would receive their textbooks on time and our public school teachers would show up for work and on time instead of just receiving their paychecks while playing cards and drinking local raksi. Yes, most of our government teachers in the rural areas are known for their great work ethic. They spend most of their time indulging in extracurricular activities in the villages rather than teaching our kids in the schools.

If our government really cared about our women then our CDO sahebs would not hesitate to give citizenships to our kids in their mother's name. This is probably the only country in the world where government agencies refuse to follow the ruling of the Supreme Court. North Korea doesn't count because Lil' Kim is everything there. When he says your time is up then your time is really up!

Our senior citizen get a few thousand Rupees but most of it goes to our village and ward secretaries who embezzle the funds meant for the poor, needy and the old. Most of our politicians, especially the so-called top loafers are senior citizens but they don't need to worry because they get free medical treatment abroad at the expense of the taxpayers.

This so-called 'transition' phase has been great for our politicians, civil servants and con artists. We, the common folks just have no opportunities and do not receive any help from the government at all. Our young folks have lost hope in this country. All they want to do is go abroad by any means and are ready to face harsh inhumane conditions to make a Dinar or more.

Our Emperor tells us that his government will follow international laws and practices of transitional justice. Our politicians should learn a thing or two from Amriki President Trump. 

Just go out there and tell us what you really think and not the opposite. Our politicians do not even follow the laws of the land and yet they tell us all that our peace process in unique. No, it's not. 

Look at the partners in the ruling coalition today. The man who put a price on the head of the other man is now enjoying drinking sessions with the same person. So what was the so-called civil war all about? 

Thousands killed and disappeared both by the state and our comrades and what did we get? We got the same two crooks shaking hands and enjoying the power game. 

Our government does not want to empower the commissions formed to investigate the conflict-era cases. More than 60,000 complaints have been filed and it will take another 60 years with the current human resources to go over all the complaints and forget about investigating anything due to lack of legal framework, resources and interference from the political parties and the security forces.

Our politicians are a lucky bunch. Trump's National Security Adviser had to resign because of his 'love talk' with the Russians. Here in this land, our politicians meet with foreign agents every other day and nobody has to resign. 

We get to watch or even listen to tapes of our politicians asking for Karods from bideshis  or boasting about fudging the numbers to embezzle billions of Rupees from the state and nobody has to resign. 

We seem to live in a completely different world. We, the people have resigned ourselves to the fact that our politicians will not change and we leave it to them to take this country down the drain. What this country needs is a good sewage system to flush down all the waste and trash that seem to block this country from peace and prosperity!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at