Friday, September 30, 2011

M&Ms, Hummus & Home...

Published today ...The Week/Republica... the editor's cut!

Dr Saheb is back home and hope he had a productive trip and added new friends on his Facebook page from the recent networking event at the UN.

Like every other Nepali, BRB had to introduce our beautiful country as the land of mountains. I think he should also add a lot more M&Ms or eat some. How about Nepal as a land of mountains, Maoists and morons?

Yes, we have the tallest mountains and our Comrades are back leading the government and everybody else is a moron. Well, that’s what our Kamreds seem to think anyway.

BRB and his better half met with the Obamas. I guess it was a minute or two of smile, click and shoo off session hola. Anyway, if Obama ever invites our PM for a pick-up basketball game, then he should refuse point blank. We can clearly see from the photo that Obamas have the height advantage kya.

Doctor Saheb won’t be welcomed at OR2K, an Israeli-run vegetarian restaurant in Thamel. Why? Because he clicked on the like button of Palestine Statehood Fan Club and the Israeli Embassy will not be sending him any invites for their annual Israeli film festival in Kathmandu rey.

I think our PM should realize that you can be pragmatic and win when it comes to them global political nataks. Yes, our Israeli tourists are a little cheap but they are young, just out of the army and must have saved a few Israeli Shekels to visit our beautiful country ni.

Israel can teach us how to defend ourselves against the other teams on a diet of Hummus and Pita breads.

If we don’t want to learn their fighting skills, then at least we can ask them to teach us how to get billions of dollars in aid from the Amrikis and at the same time get away with not listening to them half the tyam. And Palestine can teach us how tanks can’t really stop the slingshots.

I think Dr Saheb should call the former President of Brazil, Lula, and ask for his advice. Lula used to be an angry young man once. But when he had to lead his country, he understood the realities on the ground and made sensible decisions instead of going back to his old “revolutionary heaven” notebooks.

Or if he wants someone close by, then he can always meet Laloo, the Bihari funny man who did turn around the Indian Railways. Or he just didn’t know what to do, so he left the civil servants alone to do their job hola. Maybe that’s the key to better governance?

And the current partnership of our Mao-buddies and Madheshi netas (M&Ms) is already bearing fruit for our honest “Home” Minister.

Even the late Comical Ali from Baghdad could have never topped his most recent remarks about the earthquake. And now the transferring of incompetent police wallahs by our “hardworking” Home Minister has begun.

And whom do we blame for the recent shooting in the heart of Kathmandu? The “Home” Minister should be lauded for his actions. He transferred the Kathmandu Police Chief right after the shooting.

It didn’t matter that the incident occurred right in front of the Metropolitan Police Commissioner’s Office and not in Hanuman Dhoka.

This shows that he is a very quick and efficient decision maker and hope his recent move will really help Kathmanduites feel safer during the day while you still have to be careful of very friendly and helpful cops during the night.

Dashain is here. Please do remember that gambling and gluttony is not what Dashain is really about. Well, nor did Teej originate at some party palace, either. It’s about time we all went back and read our old schoolbooks hola.

Dashain’s story is about how good wins over the evil. We should never lose hope. One day, the good will prevail, and yes, we have to deal with the inflation, corruption, pollution and what not. But unless we are all united in our fight against “evil” our dream of a “better” Nepal will never come true.

And this Dashain, don’t eat like a corrupt clown who gorges on them bribes. They get to build mansions while you’ll only get heartburns kya. Don’t gamble like our netas do with our lives.

So please follow the “moderation in merrymaking” formula. Protect your health and your wealth as well if you’re one of the few who have any.

No Tea Party...

Every year, our two old school parties organize them tea receptions during Dashain but it looks like this year, both the Congressis and the Eh-Maleys are planning to save a few lakhs by not serving tea and biskoots to them cadres, guests and criminals... hehe!

The Nepali Congress won't be doing the chiya-paan karyakaram because Kishunji passed away this year and the UMLs really don't have any dough rey. They tell us that they are renovating their building shilding ... chiya piu-nuh tuh bato ma basey pani hooncha kya.I think KP Oli should pay for them chiya party because all them mundrey goondas send their monthly bheti to KP Dada ni.

What about them Maoists? Well, the only political party to have tons of money and muscles love to do it in style kya. Their event management gurus spend like crores for them events. And it's not only them byaparis and school teachers who have to contribute voluntarily but they also get pocket kharcha from the state as well.

Last time, they had them 'jamboree' at Gorkha, the government spent like 10 crores for them bato ghato and temporary housing and what not. Yestai ho.... janta ko paisa nai khaaney tuh ho ni! Jungle batuh Sahar.. Wai Wai batuh Whiskey... hare-dai jau kay kay natak garcha yee-ni haroo!

Anmol catering used to be the official food-wallah for them Congressi events but they were found to have used sadeko, galeko stuff ... so maybe arko choti chahi... our Congressis will get their tiffin box from somewhere else hai.

The Madeshi Forum wallahs should organize tea parties hola... they are making tons of cash from them transferring of government employees here and there. And they are now even threatening to form their own desh.

Poor Defence Mantri Bhandari.. he's getting a lot of flak for his 'we want to break free' die-log... before it was the Maoists, and now it's the Madeshi netas ... arko choti chahi khoi kasko palo ho... nautanki natak dekhau-naw?

And our Baidya 'gang' is now going around town, burning them poot-laaz and asking for Bhandari's resignation. Sarat Singh Bhandari is not running away. He used to be a dada @ Patan Campus back in the days. He's been a mantri a thousand tyams, pahile Congressi ahiley Madeshi... so he's a player.. hehe!

Kathmandu Post seem not to like our Mao-buddies.... I don't know why... they were in love with them before but nowadays, they really like to write stories like them tabloids.

Hisila Didi wanted a new car rey because she was not happy with the vehicle provided by the PM's office.

Now, she will be happy with a Bolero instead of them SUVs rey. I don't think Hisila didi is like our Sujata auntie or Bidya didi from the UML. When she was in college, she used to be a khatara dancer and sports-wallah rey. Sujata auntie was busy drinking and partying in Germany then.

Even when Hisila didi was teaching at the Engineering Campus in Pulchowk, she used to cycle around kya.... so she should be happy with them electric-moped or something.

But she is known for poking her nose everywhere... she's been a mantri-ni a few times in the past few years and she likes to do favors for her cronis and cousins but all of them netas do it anyway ni.... I think Hisila did should just smack a few 'grumpy old men' around hola.

It's really tough to be a neta in Nepal. You have to make your chamchas happy or else... feri arko election ma they will switch sides and help your opponent win ni.

Most of them cadres are in it only for them money or jobs or some tender sender (government contracts) where they can make millions... yestai ho... if you don't keep them happy then the other person will and you will no longer be able to hang out at Reporter's Club and give your fokatey ko bhashun ni.

And once again, the government has decided to give some money to the victims of them so many andolans we have had since 2005. We had the Jana Andolan-2, the Madesh Andolan, the tharu Andolan and of course, our comrades who were killed during them so-called People's War and those who were killed by the comrades etiyaadi.

The real victims have received nothing, maybe ali ali medical kharcha but most of them so-called 'relief' packages goes to them cadres (who weren't even injured during them so-called andolans) of them political parties nai... I guess, them cadres will be having fun this Dashain while the real victims get nothing as usual.

It's the same story everywhere. Them folks who died during these andolans, be it them cadres from the political parties or the government employees or innocent folks.... their families suffer while them politicians and sarkaari hakims sip tea and high-five each other as they make them deals here and there.

Abuh November end ma ... chahi, our netas can't make them 7 or 5 or 5 point deals ... either they wrap it up or will have to do another choonab again.. feri paisa kharcha... and now we don't have a King to kick around... so blaming the monarchy won't work.

The Maoists can blame the morons (all them other political parties), the morons will blame the Madeshis .. and whom will the Madeshis blame? I don't know.. blame the martians hola ni. Ani hami chai... we should blame ourselves for putting up with these nataks over and over again.

Khoi kay garne? Dashain ma khasi khaaney, taas khelney, cell-roti banau-ney, tyes mai ramau-ney ni.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Census 2011

The CBS (not the Amriki TV channel) has released its so-called preliminary report rey. Central Bureau of Statistics (CBS) tells us that our population is only 26.2 million ... and I guess they failed to account for the 4 million folks abducted by aliens last fall.

According to them CIA folks (the Amrikis) and our sources at Guffadi Labs, our population should be around 30 milion ahiley samma tuh. CBS ko report anoosar, only 1.9 milion folks are outside the country.

Abuh India ma nai hola 2 million chan hola (no, I am not counting the Nepalis who are Indian citizens ni!) , ani Middle East ma arko 2 million ... yeta oota garda, we should have like 5 million Nepalis studying or working or partying or just tyam-passing in them foreign lands.

Kathmandu ko population only 1million rey ani Lalitpur Bhaktapur combine garey ruh arko .5 million. Once again, CBS folks must have been smoking something or they don't really hang out at them local bus stops in the valley hola. According to the rough guff-estimate, 5.6 million folks live in the valley today.

If only a million folks lived in Kathmandu then you would see them playing football in New Road ko bato ma on Saturdays ni.

Hawa taari report lay hami lai nai ghata kya, pachi budget ma tyehi ho... the capital city gets pennies whereas other places get billions of Rupees, ani tyo pani goes to them pockets of local politicians and contractors and not them villagers ni.

More than 20% of the population lives in the valley but CBS report ma chahi only 17% urban population rey. So have they forgotten the urban folks in Pokhara, Dharan, Biratnagar, Butwal and all them major cities in Nepal?

I think all the out-of-towners should gherao the CBS office and demand some answers.... hehe!

Nepal ko male population chahi 12.9 million and female chahi 13.6 million rey. Ani .. what happened to them 'third gender' ni? Uni haroo ko pani stat liyeko hoinuh ruh hamra CBS wallahs haroo lay?

Well, this is only the rough draft rey... abuh final report lai parkhim naw. But it's about tyam, our netas realize that Kathmandu is our capital and more than 20% of the population ani yeso government budget batuh pani 20% kharcha choottau-ney ho ki. Kehi naw bhaye pani 1 billion dollar tuh valley lai dinoo parney ho.

Ever year, they waste billions of Rupees in mato-pooring them bato ghato. All our batos are flooded during the monsoon. Instead of making them contractors richer, why not spend the next year's budget (the whole thing) right here in the valley kya.

Ek barsa chahi Kathmandu valley ma nai kharcha garoom. Sabai bato ghato banaam, affordable housing, paani saani, sabai ghar ma solar dim , free ma nai.... ki kaso?

And then we can ask all the people from them remote areas to come live with us here in Kathmandu nai. Yes, we need them bato ghato and everything in Karnali and everywhere else but so far, it's only them local politicians and them political parties who are busy looting them development budget sudget while them bato ghato sabai kacchi, no teachers in them public schools and no medicines at them local health posts.

Baroo let's ask all our village people to move to the city and the city people can move to them villages. Baroo student exchange program bhanya jastai, gau sahar exchange program nai rakhoom nai.

Most of us are tired of the city anyway. So , we spend like a year in Rolpa and maybe work on our short stories or painting sainting or I don't know.. your new music album? Ani sabai gau ka saathi bhai bahini haroo can visit our one and only national zoo, dharahara .... have picnis at Godavari or go for them sunrise thing in Nagarkot. Ek barsa tuh biti halcha ni.

And why are we spending billions of dollars every year for them fokatey ko salaries for our civil servants? They really don't do any work and they make more from them chiya-kharcha fees than their salaries anyway... so maybe it should be mandatory that all civil servants should devote at least one Saturday , cleaning up them streets and helping NepalUnite paint them temples, bridges etiyaadi.

So let us ask our civil servants to take a pay cut or work for a Rupee for a whole year. Sabai paisa desh bikash ma laagaam..! Sher B. Deuba has resigned from them Congressi ko management team.. he is free now. Now he will have enough spare time to clean up his tole sole, and maybe he can help his Mrs. with her NGO work pani or maybe he just wanted to drink some more and play cards during Dashain instead of meeting his chamchas and figuring out how to kick Sushil dai's arse.

Hey, we all need a break ni. So, Happy Dashain everyone. Everthing in moderation ki kay bhancha ni.... don't eat like a horse, don't drink like a fish and don't gamble like Gyanu uncle... hehe!

Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves...

Baburam is a son of a peasant and he really doesn't like them presents from them byaparis or other arse-kissers. He won't even try to make a few Rupees more from the bhatta he receives as a Prime Minister.

I hope you must have noticed by now that this is the only man (hope someday we will have a woman!) whom I address as our Prime Minister and not 'Prime Monster'.... and even if them so-called newspaper columnists and chor-netas make fun of him for his so-called 'publicity stunts'.. I give this son of a farmer... a big arse A+.

Yes, Baburam should have gone on national TV and comforted us with his dui sabda when we felt all the shaking instead of driving straight to the airport without saying 'tata' to all of us ni but it's okay... at least he didn't speak like a jackass like our Home Minister who asked his God (some Desi in Delhi!) to send them quakes to the Kuireys!

Baburam Daktaar Saheb has deposited Rs 1.76 lakhs to the earthquake relief fund. No, it's not his own money... poor guy, he has only 4 lakhs in the bank kya. Tyo paisa was his allowance for his UN trip paid for by the taxpayers ni.

He didn't deposit them travel cheques in his personal bank account like our other clowns. Dr. Saheb also deposited Rs 38,105, provided by his teacher and Rs 1.1 lakhs given to him by some NRN in Amrika.

Baburam is a funny man. While the rest of them chors are busy looting left and right, he is trying to save us a penny here and there. But it adds up ni!

We have ambassadors who steal them dead migrant's insurance money. We have ministers like Sujata who spent crores of Rupees for shopping in Orchard Road, Singapore while her father was dying and then billed it as medical sedical kharcha for our great hawaldar... laaz naw-bhaw-yeko naka chari!

And now we hear that another Maoist mantri was involved in the murder of some Hindu organization ko Don in Birgunj. Poor Baburam... he has more gangsters in his cabinet... chor nai chor haroo ko bich-ma euta sadhu... hehe!

But of course, if you are a Maoist or a Madeshi cadre then you can get away with anything ni. Yeeni haroo ko din ho.. jati khanoo cha khaa ... bajiya haroo!

Ani hamro Prachandoo sarkar is busy spending them nights at them resorts with his Mrs. and our crown prince.

I don't know why Prakash dai still tags along with his father. C'mon ... grow up man. Or maybe our current King is worried that his son might hang out in Thamel and try to hit on them Kuire-nis by presenting his business card.

Yes, this is no guff.... he really wants a 'kuire-ni' girlfriend rey. Well, according to our sources, Prachandoo uncle is worried about his son. He might just get drunk and pass out near Sanchaya Kosh Building and somebody might take a picture of him rey.

And the bloke is already married twice.. abuh third tyam chahi lucky hooncha bhaney ruh hola ni... but I hear he's a little too shy rey kya.. when it comes to them guff-suff with the kuire-nis. Guffadi's advice chahi.. tyehi ho... don't worry about your accent, just speak slowly and enunciate .. hehe!

And Prakash dai, please delete them stupid pictures from your Facebook albums, especially the ones where you are holding them automatic assault rifle sifle kya. Baroo invest in some telecom and give us high speed internet access and you can also update your Facebook status ali chado ni... photo haroo chitto upload hooncha ni!

Tyo 'look at me .. I am a Rambo!' natak is not really going to impress them ladies ... only if you try to hook up with a kuire-ni from Montana who loves to hunt sunt hola ... hehe!

And even with them relief package natak, we all know that the Home Minister and his chamchas will dole out crores to their own cadres while the real victims will get a Rupee or two.

How come them stupid cadres get 10 lakhs when they die in them bandh sandh or other nataks while them earthquake victims get only a lakh Rupees? Khoi... ki hami sabai lay euta party ko membership liney ho ki... it's better than buying them life insurance kya.

Monday, September 26, 2011

The Home Minister....

Our 'honest' Home Minister, Bijaya Guccha-Dar promised us that he wouldn't interfere or transfer or even take bribes for them posting toasting from our senior police officers. And nobody really believed him ... hehe and we all knew that he was busy trying to figure out how to make money while he still heads the Home Ministry kya.

He transferred the honest civil servant, our Home secretary to the PM's office and brought in another guy who was willing to kiss his arse. So let the looting begin .... abuh Dashain is here and he better make some money natraw his wife, mistress and chori will not be happy with Bijaya dai ni.

30 SSPs have been transferred .... 3-4 crore tuh kama-yo hola ni hamro Bijaya dai lay, ghoo-khori lai thau ma patha-yeruh! I hear his PA is really busy these days... I think someone should teach him how to use them computer, ki chahi accounting software instead of jotting down them names and figures in his black book kya.

And another shooting in Kathamndu, feri broad daylight ma ... in front of Ghantaghar! A general secretary of some Muslim organization was shot (15 bullets) ... right in front of them MPCO (Metropolitan Police Commissioner's Office) ... lau badhai cha hamra naka-charo police haroo lai.

And our Home Minister, instead of resigning .... decides to transfer the Kathmandu Police chief. Waa rey.. abuh feri arko 50 lakh kamau arko police wallah lai yeha posting garey ruh!

Abuh SP ko kay galti.... baroo Kathmandu hare-ney AIG lai nai kaam batuh nikaal--dey hooncha ani Bijaya dai pani raaji-nama diye hoon-thyo ni. I think it's about tyam our SPs and SSPs just walk out from their jobs , ek choti sabai lay chod-ney ni.. ani Home Minister ko taalu ma aloo faley ko hare-nay ni!

Former Energy Minister, Gokarna Bista is planning to write a book rey. He was offered 14 crores from some guy who wanted to head the NEA (No Electricity Authority) rey. NEA loses billions of Rupees every year... and every winter, they promise us that load shedding hours will not be more than 12 hours a day. Ani when winter comes, kay kay excuse dekhau-dai .. .them chors increase them no-batti tyam to 18 hours a day!

Bista could have been richer by 7 crores... 50% tuh party lai bujhau-ney chalan cha kya Nepali politics ma..hehe! But he refused rey... and he had to take a cab home after his job as a mantri was over... ani ghar ma po ulto taxi bhada magyo rey!

Our current Health Minister is threatening to take actions against them doctors and health assistants who refuse to go to them rural areas. Bhannaw khojya chai.. if you want to stay in the city then better give my PA ek-dui lakhs rupaiya nai toh meh tumko Rolpa ya Dolpa bhejoonga!

Let's get back to our Home Minister hai. Bijaya dai has like two months left.. so he needs to make as much as he can... I think he should ask his PA to go to the Police HQ and maybe send them love letters to all them police personnel from them constables to all them DIGs!

He is still cursing his luck.. if he had become a Homie when it was tyam for a new IGP then he would have made 7-8 crores by appointing the guy who bids the highest ni. The current IGP was actually a senior to former IGP Ramu Thakuri! But Ramu dai and his byapari friends had the dough to make tyeti bela ko Homie happy ni. Poor Ramu.. paid 7 crores for the top job but had to leave early because of them APC scam ni.

Nepal ma kay bhancha, niddhar ma lekhey ko... our current IGP is a lucky man. He didn't have to pay off anybody to be the IGP. Lastuh ma IGP hoonuh nai lekhya rahecha ni. I think our current IGP should stand up to our chor Home Minister. Baroo jagir gaye jancha.... ek dui laathi afnai mantri lai thokay hoon-thyo ni! Ani thik thau ma aucha ki yee hamra chor neta haroo?

If every cop in the nation sends our Home Minister, a Dashain gift voucher then he would really enjoy Dashain hola ni. He should be able to get like 9-10 croroes if he can ask each police wallahs, both Nepal Police and the APFs to send Rs 1,000 each kya!

Since our Home Minister is also good friends with all them smugglers and criminals... it would be much easier for him if his PA created a Facebook page of our Homie and maybe asked them gangsters to like his fan page ni. And he can send them a private message asking for voluntary donations to his 'Help Bijaya make Crores' fund ... ki kaso?

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Buddha Air Crash...

Every year, our planes and helicopters crash here and there and our media wallahs and even them government agencies blame them pilots for all them crashes. Today, Buddha Air suffered its first ever air crash in its history and our love and prayers for the victims and their families.

Flying a plane slane is not as easy as driving a micro-bus ni. When it comes to them buses and trucks, the khalasis get promoted to drivers after a year or two of driving while the driver saheb takes a nap after a lunch break. But we don't have a Khalasi for them planes so if you really want to fly a plane then you have to spend 20-30 lakhs and take them classes and what not.

Then you come back and apply for them jobs and if you are lucky then you get hired by our domestic airlines and it would take your more than 3-4 years before you become a captain kya.

Most of them pilots have thousands of hours of flight time under their belts. If we look at them Agni, Yeti air crashes in recent years, most of them pilots were one of the most experienced folks around.

And yes, we are all human beings.. we do make mistakes but them crashes were due to them bad weather conditions rather than human error kya.

The monsoon season was supposed to end a month ago but I guess... yes paali chahi October samma nai paani parcha jasto cha. I think it's about tyam, our private airlines operators cancel all them flights during the monsoon season except for emergency stuff kya.

We can't expect our government and them civil aviation folks to do anything about it because they really don't care. Nepal Airlines will no longer exist by 2020. And for our business wallahs, it's really tough because they have invested millions of dollars in buying them planes and helicopters and when tourist season comes, they want to make a few dollars more by flying around even when them weather conditions are not favorable kya.

Buddha is probably the safest airlines in Nepal. They don't fly to remote areas except them mountain flights and them other routes chahi mostly urban areas in Nepal.

We are Nepalese, we are always cooking up them conspiracy theories and waste our tyam guffa-maaring. I was at the local chiya pasal and one of the local jackass was telling his friends, 'Don't fly them plane slane if they have a women co-pilot because the last 3-4 crashes ma there was a lady pilot rey'

C'mon arsehole... this ain't Saudi Arabia. Well, the Saudis have finally decided to let their women vote in the municipal elections but what difference does it make if a lady is flying the plane or not? They went to the same flying schools and graduated because they were competent and they have to compete with them 'males' when they come back and apply for them jobs.

Flying is much safer than taking a micro or them night buses when you travel outside the valley and most of the folks who tell me that they are never to going to get on an airplane are the same people who have never flown on a plane.

But if you are really worried then don't fly during them monsoon season. I don't know why them civil aviation employees allowed them planes to fly .... it's been raining since the past few days and even our highway sighway haroo ko bato sabai khattam cha... so if we should blame somebody then it's our incompetent airport wallahs and the management wallahs of them private airlines ni.

Let us not blame our pilots for they are courageous enough to fly under such adverse conditions but it's about tyam our pilots union did something about this kya.

A Day at the United Nations...

Our Dr. Saheb gave his speech @ the United Nations... and don't hate him if he has the 'Indian' accent. It really doesn't matter how you speak Angrezi... only the Amrikans won't understand it kya. The rest of the world gets it but I still have no clue why them Amrikans never understand how we speak.

If you have an Amrikan accent then that's fine. But for folks like me and Baburam ... our only way to get our 'Angrezi' message across the room would be to speak slowly and pronounce each and every word clearly or kay bhancha ni... enunciate! I think it means the same thing.... sorry, I don't like to use them big words.

Government is not 'Govnmet' and prosperity is not 'Pospetty' kya. I still remember my 5th grade teacher, who made us pronounce the word 'Deevyaalupment' instead of 'Dev-Lope-Ment'... the only words I can pronounce like an Amrikan chahi... 'Kaw-pya-city' and 'Mall-tie-plug'!

Aroo words chahi.. tyehi ho 'Govinda' accent nai aucha... and I started watching 'Sesame Street' at 5 and watched all them episodes of 'Saturday Night Live' by 25... hehe! I guess I have proven them social scientists wrong hola... that spending thousands of days in them foreign lands can't make at least one jackass speak like a bideshi ... hehe!

I can do Singlish pretty well... just add 'lah' at the end ... udha-haran ko laagi chahi... 'okay, laah.. no problem laah... can can!' and I really do speak like a Bihari (even though I have never been to India!).... I should have tried to work on my Amriki accent hola... but that's okay .... Amrikan lay bujey booze-cha natra afai Nepali sikcha ni...hehe!

Okay, topic change garnoo paryo! Let's go back to our PM's speech hai. Baburam dai, like every other Nepali had to mention the tallest mountain and the spiritual guru, Buddha! But why did he leave the Sherpas, Gurkhas and them temples and tyampoos out?

I think he should have said, 'Nepal is a land of mountains, maoists and morons' ... well, them comrades think everyone is a moron ni... hehe! Jahiley pani kay kay natak gardai hami lai bhool-au-naw khoj-cha kya.

Dr. Saheb told them world leaders that his government is fully committed to writing them constitution and bringing this peace natak to a closure rey. Yes, we have seen how committed our Mao-buddies are .... hoinuh ruh?

And he talked about them human rights, climate change , UN peacekeeping stuff etiyaadi. I don't want to go through everything and try to be like them Op-Ed columnists in our major dailies hehe!

And Calvin Klein (CK) Lal must have something against Facebook, Twitter wallahs! I think he should get a Ham radio operator license or if the government doesn't allow it then just get yourself some pigeons hai! And stop using emails pani... baroo go back to snail mails ni!

Talking about human rights... all our comrades and the Madeshi movement wallahs won't have to worry about going to jail even if they killed them innocent villagers, teachers and low-level government employees.

And most of our netas today are mostly mundrey goondas from the 70s ... abuh goonda lay goonda lai help naw-gaw-rey, kay timi hami lai po help garney?

When it came to them police and army wallahs.... those who kissed arses or were well-connected never went to them remote areas and they never faced any danger from them ambushes and what not.

And we have to thank YCLs, Youth Force wallahs and them 27 different Madeshi armed outfits and not to forget them 'whatever-waans' militant groups as well... for doing their part to save the environment by being involved in them 'rookh-kaating', 'baaluwa-khunning' and 'roda-gitti nikaaling' ..... angrezi ma chahi... for clearing them forests, destroying our rivers and what not!

Don't be surprised if them bridges across the country collapse soon... no not from them earthquakes, sabai baluwa saluwa truck ma haaling, ani jhan thulo baadi aye-ing, pool sool pani bhawt-king!

The only reason our Home secretary was kicked out and transfered to the Prime Minister's office chahi.... he was trying to stop them 'red sandalwood' smuggling .... and our Home Minister's goonda, Ganesh Lama seem to control the racket. He was also paying off our Mao-buddies!

Ani Baburam dai pani choop when our 'Homie' said, 'Either me and my Madeshi Forum Wallahs or the 'honest' civil servant!'.... one man or one billion Rupees ko sawal ayo ni! Paisa banau-ney tyam ho.. ani Guccha-dar lay kaha chod-cha ruh?

Our netas should first sign up for them Everest trek (not fly sly ni) and then find out how them climate change thing is screwing up the region kya. Stupid Makune wasted millions of Rupees by hosting his cabinet meeting there.

And Prakash Dahal, our current crown prince plans to climb Everest with his bodyguard but he must have said that when he was drunk hola. I think Baburam should host another cabinet meeting there ... this tyam chahi.. ask all them ministers to climb Everest ni. Ani balla hami pani wah wah bhan-chau ni!

The Nepal Army has been involved in them UN peacekeeping missions for more than 50+ years.... and even our police-wallahs are now going to them war zones nowadays. We have to thank our netas, Rubel bhai (Sujata's sin-in-law) and the chor-police (them IGPs) for screwing our men in blue by sending them faulty APCs to Sudan.

We all know that Krishna Sitaula distributed the loot to them stooges. Yes, even our Prachandoo sarkar got his cut but this is Nepal... them corrupt clowns are always above the law hagi.

I think Baburam dai should have asked the UN wallahs to hire our 19,000 PLA combatants for their peacekeeping missions ni. They will get paid in dollars and Prachandoo sarkar can make more money when he takes a cut from their salaries ni.

I feel sorry for Baburam dai. Hope he and Hisila didi took them NYC tours on them double decker buses and spent some quality tyam together..... because once he gets back... his blood pressure will go up again.

And no Dr. Saheb, forget all that new 'Marshall Plan' natak.... what Nepal needs today is not them fokatey ko bhaa-shun ani nautanki nataks (circus act) .... hami lai paani, batti ruh bato dinoos... aroo kura ko tension naw-linoos.

Only them cadres, crooks and corrupt civil servants have enjoyed the loot ... and this game has been going on since 1951.. tyo bhanda pahila tuh you have to be a SJB to have fun ni .. hehe! Janta lay kay payo... mitho boli, tato goli ani jhahi lay pani mahangi kya!

Abuh arko Marshall Plan ko laagi tuh, we have to wait for WWIII ni... sabai bhatang-bhootong bhaye pachi aucha ni tyesto plan tuh!

The Madeshi netas have made it clear to them civil servants that they want to make as much as they can while they head them ministries... even them Mantri ko PAs haroo lay bhanchan rey.... 'Hami tuh paisa kamau-naw aako... lau chito chito kaam saam garoom, ani hami timi lay nai ho ni pauney maam saam' ...

So forget integration, constitution... etiyaadi hai... corruption tyeti kai cha, pollution pani ustai abuh hami janta lai chahi frustration ani bhooi chaalo aye pachi destruction ... abuh solution pau-naw chai ek dui wata mushroom khaa-noo hos ani enjoy them hallucinations ni.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Guffadi @ The Week

When the ‘Big One’ comes…*

Our prayers for the victims and their families of the recent earthquake… here and in our chimkei lands.

The only person who failed to read about plate tectonics in high school must be our honest ‘Home’ Minister. It took all that shaking to make him aware that we have finally become an earthquake region rey.

And instead of preparing for future earthquakes, our man wants us to pray to Lord Pashupatinath and ask God to send the earthquakes to America and Europe. Somebody please tell him that God doesn’t take sides and natural disasters aren’t like ministerial portfolios that you can switch around kya.

Birendra International Convention Center (BICC) is probably one of the safest building in town. It was supposed to be a place where we could all go to them exhibitions, circus acts and what not.

Thanks to our constitution writers (who can’t get rid of writer’s block), we have to head to Bhritkuti Mandap if we want to see the stuff (ghar, gahana and gaadis) which most of us can’t really afford anyway. But for circus acts, BICC is still the place to be hai.

Apart from BICC, a few buildings in the valley can withstand a major earthquake, like the NSET (National Society for Earthquake Technology) building in Bhaisepati and the US Embassy in Maharajgung. But we can’t all run to Bhaisepati ni.

The US Embassy can withstand a nuclear ping pong game between Chindia (if that ever happens!) but you are not even allowed to take a picture in front of their premises, let alone crash their ‘Thanksgiving’ party.

So we leave the BICC to our great netas, US Embassy for Amrikans and I don’t think NSET is looking for any interns right now.

In that case, we better start retrofitting our homes and learn the ‘earthquake’ drills so that we will be better prepared next time. If the ‘Big One’ comes and you are in your office then stay put and hope that the contractor did a good job instead of using adulterated stuff.

Our Home Minister, who also heads the ‘Central Natural Disaster Relief Committee’ can do us a favor by going live on TV and showing us the ‘drop, cover and hold’ moves.

And please remind him that those moves doesn’t include dropping criminal cases, covering up for incompetent civil servants and holding the transfer of eligible candidates so that he can prevent the Home Ministry from collapsing kya.

Our CA members were seen, hanging outside BICC, all trying to call up their loved ones. I hope we have learned a lesson this tyam. Yes, the networks can’t handle high volume calls. It would be better to make sure that you are safe and so are your fellow human beings around you, rather than frantically pushing buttons and swelling up your fingers.

And please do not jump off the building or a window or from anywhere. The best thing to do would be to stay put inside and try to get away from the window and stuff that may fall upon you. Yes, they tell us to get to open spaces but the only person who can reach Tundikhel will be the fortune teller from Hyderbad who sits right near the entrance to the ground.

If you happen to be out on the street then what do you do? Stop trying to break Usain Bolt’s 100m record to reach some paddy field. The valley has none now so just try to get away from tall buildings and electric poles.

Folks are now talking about making sure that they have an ‘earthquake’ kit ready. Yes, it’s a good idea. Water purifying tablets should not wait until the earthquake strikes. You can use it even today since most of our water jars sold by private companies seem to have flies and worms anyway.

And don’t forget to stash a poka of chuira and misri (sugar crystals) but no gudpaks hai. My friend’s grandfather had this combo when he was under the rubble in 1934 and he survived. And better get a ‘camel back’ thing for paani than half a dozen water bottles.

And a whistle is very important. If you don’t know how to blow it effectively so that rescuers can hear you then you can always ask our traffic cop to give you a quick demonstration. Violate a traffic rule, you will get a free quick demo right there ni.

An earthquake is no laughing matter or blaming your karma won’t do any good. Some of us did enjoy the little bit of shaking rey but when the ‘Big One’ comes, there will be a lot more shaking and it won’t be fun at all.

So let’s all be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.

*Published today @ The Week/Republica hai!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Break Up Again....

Matrika Yadav, the 'Slapping' former mantri quit Mao Inc. because he was not happy with Prachandoo Sarkar's nautanki nataks. He went on to form his own party kyaaruh. Abuh tyo pani split hoo-dai cha!

One day, Matrika dai will have no one but himself as a party member of the Maoist Party (Matrika) hola... tyes pachi afai chairperson, afai sabai position liney ni...hehe!

I feel sorry for Matrika dai. He was our 'Rajnikanth' .. he would go around slapping them sarkari hakims, and it wasn't because they didn't give him a vehicle or didn't treat him right unlike them other madeshi leaders who are now enjoying the greatest 'loot-fest' in the history of Nepal kyaaruh!

Matrika just didn't like lazy bums. He would ask them sarkari hakims to do a job and they would be like "Whatever... I don't care" and then he would drive to their offices and show them some hand to hand combat skills.. hehe!

Matrika is a true 'Madeshi' warrior. Upendra Yadav is not. If you want to be a neta then you have to follow the 'Upey' formula. Once a maoist then a 'Madeshi Forum' wallah ... he's been our Foreign Minister and he has traveled to more countries than any other Nepali hola... and hope he has updated his Facebook albums pani. Ghoom-ghaam ko photo shoto rakhney ni!

It's the same with other political parties pani. Even the Kangaroos seem to be heading for another breakup. Well, they broke up before, then patched up and now they seem to be heading for another breakup hehe!

Sher B. Deuba is ready to go his own away... because he is in a hurry to be the team captain of the Kangaroos but them old men have no plans to abdicate any time soon.

But Sheroo will be here with us for a long tyam because he follows the 'GP' formula. Share the loot, keep your chamchas happy and they will always back you up ... no matter what.. yestai cha yeha ko chalan!

And the UML losers would be better off if they broke up but they really don't have any money rey. Maybe KP Oli should form his own party because he seems to be the only Eh-Maley who is making billions while the rest of them comrades have already crossed their credit limit at the local liquor store rey.. hehe!

Yes, most of them mundrey goondas (Youth Force wallahs) are all KP Oli's babies. Jhallu Baba is the only guy who actually won the election while them Oli, Makune and other jackasses couldn't even convince their own gaun-leys to vote for them.

And everybody wants Mohan Baidya to give Prachandoo the finger and form his own band. That would help the other chor-daakas and our friends in India as well. But Baidya wouldn't want to break up the party because Prachandoo has all them muscles and the money. Lastuh ma paisa ko nai khel rahecha hagi!

But them Mao-buddies are busy kicking each other's arses anyway. We already have like 3 different teams and Prachandoo always likes to change sides and bull-doze the other team so that he will always be on top. He also follows the 'GP' formula. We have to thank late Girija Prasad for showing the kids how to play the game hagi.

Maybe, Baidya should go visit Matrika in Terai and have some Lassi and form their own band. But it really doesn't make any difference... our politicians have no vision... and when there is no vision, the people perish bhancha ni!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Gummy Worms...

You must have stopped eating them 'Gudpaks' and may have thought them vyar vyar momos were safer hola... but I guess it's about tyam you packed your own lunch and carried a portable water jar (boiled and filtered water from home nai!) with you!

If your office is in around Jamal area then you better stay away from them local khaja shops. Our great inspectors from DoC (Department of Commerce) did them check-shake and they found out that there ain't no chicken in chicken momo, only them skins ni... well, if you love them chicken skins then good for you but for the rest of us... yuckety yak!

And all baasi veggies in them veg momos... so don't be smriking at them chicken hawks... your veggie momos ma tuh all them koo-ye ko banda sanda. Lau na ni.. ahiley samma kay khaa-ye chan hamra daju bhai didi bahini haroo lay?

And most of them khaja ghars don't have any license and are not registered with our sarkari offices. They don't have to pay any kur-sur ... so all them money soney goes to the sahuji.. and he's probably driving around town in them Santro hehe... and he's probably eating out at Momo Magic hola ni.

I guess it's about tyam ... all our food joints had them open kitchen kya. At least you can see how your food is being prepared ni. Even them canteens at them hospitals were jhan fohor than them restaurants rey. No wonder ... even them visitors get sick (so never run down to the canteen to get a quick bite before you see your friends who are dying to get some vyar vyar momos as they get bed sores and the saw-line paani... hehe!

Bir Hospital ko canteen ma tuh .... they had some rag sag in them pickle jar. And everybody loved them achar sachar.. I guess them rags had more masala hola ni. If you ever go to them Bir's canteen then never ask for them pickles hai. Ask them to boil them black tea twice and no pickles with your chuira-chana tarkari... hehe!

And even them office ko water jars haroo pani... stay away from it because most of them companies don't wash them jars well and paani pani filter hooncha ki hoodai-nuh kay tha-ha? And if your office has 'Aqua Quality Pure' water then don't even go near it. Himalayan Spring Water is the only company you should choose hola... no it's not my brother's company nor do I have any shares wares hai.

This 'Aqua Quality Pure' brand was found to have them flies and earthworms.... so drink it unless you want some fly-worm juice natra bhaney bring your boiled-filtered water from home hai. Tyo maroo-bhoomi ma liyeruh hid-cha ni... camel skin wallah toomlet hehe!

And it's the same story with them milk silk... it's mostly water rey. Even DDC milk ma problem cha. If you are a doodh-chiya lover then buy a cow and be sure to milk her every morning at 4am for some fresh doodh! And make sure you feed her well and take good care of her pani.

The moral of the story chahi... never eat out ... doesn't matter if you have been enjoying them vyar vyar momos in front of Kathmandu Mall since 2006... one day you might just get sick and you will have a bigger worm than the size of dharahara.

You can probably call the Guinness people and maybe they will also put you in their annual world records book or something. Anyways... learn from them marwaaris.... lunch from home is better (save you some money soney) and you probably won't get sick! No more eating out.... save some money, make your mom happy and no more running to the bathroom for them pakhala crappy sappy hai!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

India and Religion....

Lord 'Prachandoo' is back trying to kiss some 'Desi' arse so that he can get them Congressis and Eh-Maleys to back his 'breakthrough' plan.. hehe! A Desi leader is in town trying to get all our netas to shake hands and make up. I have no idea why we need 'foreign' hands to give our netas a wedgie ... how come we can't do it ourselves kya?

Comrade uncle now tells us that he was never against India or any religion rey. When he was living in the jungles of Delhi, he was happy to be given free room and board by them RAW agents. Nobody gives you anything for free ni... so they must have made a deal hola. You help me join the 'mainstream' act and I will help you to get rid of 'Lord Vishnu' or something like that.

India or them Amrikis and Euro-trash wallahs never thought them Mao-buddies would win a whole lot of seats ... now India is trying to figure out how to make the former paying guest pay ... hehe!

Prachandoo was never against India. He likes India. His daughter is married across the border.. well things aren't working out with his son-in-law and chori rey. It's sad hagi.... but she can be our Sujata auntie ni.

Look at Sujata... she left her hubby and came back to have fun while Girija Babu was alive ni. Maybe, our uncle's chori should also leave her husband and maybe do some deals with NOC. Nepal Airlines tuh abuh kaam chaina... NOC ko fuel suel yeta oota garey pani maala-maal!

When our comrades were eating Wai Wai and showing off them 'Goldstar' shoes ... Prachandoo was eating tandoori chicken and hanging out at the local 'dance' bar in Delhi rey. Tyeti bela chai.. he must have been anti-religion hola because our comrades were busy blowing up them temples and beating them priests and what not.

Now things are different. Prachandoo hangs out with the Desi 'Pirate' aka Ram Dev Baba.. and he wears them tika sika and he has a strong neck pani.... Ek ton ko fool-maala ghaati ma lau-naw tuh garo hooncha ni. Our communists are different from them other comrades around the world.

Most of our comrades still do them puja suja and call their astrologers to find out the right tyam to go to the bathroom...hehe! When them tremors shook Kathmandu, our CA members were bhaagum-bhaag outside the BICC... and one of them was like 'Luh... mero jyotish lay tuh kehi bhanya chaina.. kasari aye-cha bhooi-chaalo?'

Prachandoo may look like a patriot, act like one and speak like one ... but at the end of the day, he is like them 'Manchurian' candidate kya. I think he won't mind if we call him a Desi 'Parrot' instead... hehe! Tyo film ma chahi .. the man was programmed by his communist handlers whereas Prachandoo is always meeting with his 'Desi' handlers ni. Ani kinuh guff diney hola hami lai hagi?

Baburam went to school in India and is friends with his JNU pals who are now them netas in Desi land but he would rather cut a deal with them Chinese and the Amrikis to counter them 'Desi' wedgie.

Prachandoo should stop portraying our Dr. Saheb as an Indian stooge while he's the one who is actually kissing them 'Desi' arses and making them shady deals to save his own arse kya.

Them Desis know that without our Mao-buddies... all them peace seace nataks and all won't be completed kyaaruh. Yes, the Madeshi netas are the new players and it's like they are the mini-Mao hehe... so if India wants stability and development for Nepal then they should close them border sorder and not open it till our chor-netas sit down and finish writing this constitution thing kya.

Why? We will have no fuel , no tomatoes, no khasi , no masala and Dashain is here... and that should make all of us mad and go crazy ni. Hami Nepali janta tyestai ho kya... neta haroo lay jay garey pani choop laa-gay-ruh bus-cham... ani khana na-pa-ye pachi chahi neta haroo lai pani goad-cham hola ni!

I think NepalUnites should gherao the Indian Embassy and ask our new Desi Ambassador to hand us them bank statements of our great warlord, Pee-Chaas Paan (Mongolia had Geghis ni!).

Pee-Chaas probably has like 1,000 crores in them Indian banks hola. He will be known in history not as the combo of Buddha-Gandhi-Jungay aka BuGaJu but simply as the 'Pakeetmaar' who conned us all with his stupid tricks kya.

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Big One...

I guess everybody here in Nepal and (some folks in India and Bangala) felt them tremors except few folks who thought they were shaking to the beat instead of them earthquake... hehe!

Our prayers to the victims and their loved ones who have lost their lives here in Nepal and India. I hope our government and them civil servants will do something to be prepared for the 'Big One' when it finally arrives here in Kathmandu.

The British Embassy ko wall swall came down and killed 3 folks .... a father and a daughter ani arko hidi raako manchey rey... so sad! But when them locals came to the rescue and wanted to clear them debris, them British Embassy-wallahs prevented them from helping out rey.

They wanted to wait for their own people to clear them stuff rey. Yes, they had to wait to wait them 'yellow' jacket, hats , gloves etiyaadi rey.

Ani Nepali janta ruh security personnel chahi itta nikal-dai , tyee British Embassy bhat-maara haroo chahi hay-ri-raako kya. Maybe DFID (UKAID) should build a new wall with their so-called 'Aid' money for their own Embassy baroo. Or they can learn a thing or two from the Amrikis...

I hear that they even have a bunker so that them Amrikis can enjoy them hot dogs when the Chinese and the Desis are playing nuclear ping-pong rey... hehe!

Maybe, we could have saved their lives when them wall collapsed if the stupid British Embassy employees weren't so eager to secure their own premises ni. Khoi.. kay bhanney... hamro neta haroo tuh sabai bhaaga-bhaag... and Dr. Saheb should have gone on TV and comforted them 'scared' Nepalis ... ek dui minute ko laagi bhaye pani anoo-haar dhekai-ye hoon-thyo-ni!

I understand that you need to get to them open spaces but why are our folks standing outside their homes ... shouting at each other and bragging about how fast they sprinted out of their homes kya. Feri ayo bhaney tuh, tyehi ghar shar dhawl-cha ani sabai lai chyap-cha ni.

The chana-chat-pawt guy was busy making them spicy treat while all them tole-baasis were talking about them earthquake in 1934. Ani yeso ghar ko maati batuh hay-rey ko... none of them street festival attendees were even born when the 'Big One' struck Kathmandu then.. hehe!

Hami Nepali lai 'guff' gar-naw payo bhaney... baje bara-joo ko guff nik-lee halcha hagi.

I was in mybedroom and I could feel the bed shaking for a few seconds. Went down to the living room to check on my grandmother and my aunt. Then I asked them to sit under the door and we three, huddled together and sat there .. and then came the 'shaking' natak.

I thought it lasted like 10-15 seconds... but they say it was a minute long 'shake' rey. And most of my tole-baasis didn't sleep last night. I went to bed at 1 and I could still hear people outside ... talking about another one coming soon.

The last tyam, I was shaken like this was back in them 'hostel' days ... many years ago... tyeti bela chahi .. them hostel beds were shaking faster than Shakira could have ever shaken her hips kyaaruh!

I jumped out of them bed sed ... and we all ran outside to them open field sield but our hostel prefect was shouting 'Bhooo-weee Chaalo Ayo' and instead of getting out, he just hid behind his siraak.

It was a one-storey building and there was big field right outside ... so no tension senion for them electric poles or other buildings collapsing. But that's not the case nowadays in this sick city.

All them khet-baaris where we used to play football are now ghar shar. Mero ghar agadi ko ghar tuh was shaking like crazy.. and if them tremors were a minute longer.. tyo ghar would have collapsed and them 100+ folks who were standing right there in front of that building would have died hola.

I think it's much safer to stay where you are (if you are inside) rather than trying to jump off the building or run outside. Well, you should head to Tundikhel if you are in front of Kathmandu Mall but if you are in New Road then just stay inside hola but not in front of the TV or by the window, trying to watch people running on the street.. tyehi jyhal lay injury hola hai.

Baroo.. shaking waking sakey pachi chahi .. then get out and try to get to them open spaces.. khoi kaha janey abuh Kathmandu ma.. but don't stand near them electric pole sole or them big buildings kya.

If the 'Big One' comes.. most of us will die.... because our homes are not strong enough to withstand them 'mega' ones... and our government has never bothered to even prepare for them natural disasters kya.

Our fire engines don't work. Our hospitals are not well-equipped and we don't even have them 'emergency' response teams. Them Desis sent them planes and fighter jets to Sikkim and what not.

Our government just announces them 'relief' packages and that's it. Bholi hami sabai maryo bhaney .. tyo relief package sackage pani tyehi sarkaari hakim haroo lay khanchan! Abuh tini haroo pani kay bach-laan ruh.. baroo sabai janta baa-chwos... tyee chor daka haroo chai maw-roon!

Anyways, better scan your latest bank statement, your citizenship ID and them important documents and save it online. Them CDO offices will not find your papers so it's better to save a copy online kya.

Ani bank account pani tyehi ho.. except for Standard Chartered and SBI and another two or three banks, most of them don't have a disaster recovery site ... so if the 'Big One' comes... your bank balance will be zero .. hehe! I don't like Standard Chartered but your money is safe with them.. but tyo 25K minimum balancen natak chai atti nai bhayo kya.

I don't think you will have tyam to grab your passport or nagarikta or even them 'Earthquake' bag sag or them soon ko dalla ani jhola bhari cash sash.... but yes, it's better to have paani saani, wai wai, kurkurey (hehe!), chuira suira handy and don't forget them flashlight hai... baroo eyta plastic ko poka banai rakhney ni!

During the 1934 ko earthquake... some folks survived under them rubble subble.. because they had like a bora of chuira with them rey... so maybe chuira-daal-moat chahi rakhnoo hai afoo sangaw... dal-moat might give you gas sas.. but it's better to tolerate them 'gun-dhaw' and survive ni!

Lau... may your houses still stand and your loved ones be safe when the big one comes to town. We will be cut off from the rest of the world... no internet, no batti, no mobile network etiyaadi... but we will have each other.

If we are lucky to be alive then we can all update our blogs if not... remember those who will never get to update their blogs again.... yestai ho.... afno tyam ayo bhaney yeti kai pani janoo parcha... but most of us will die because our government and them civil servants never bothered to prepare for the one that is waiting round the corner.

I think I wrote about the 'Big One' a year ago hola.. let me check.. okay, I found it .. here it is..The 'Big One' is coming rey....

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Baburam goes to New York...

Dr. Saheb is leaving for New York today... to attend the UN ko meeting and greeting. Hisila didi and our Foreign Minister, Narayan dai will also be enjoying the economy class meal plan ... hehe! I hope they will be having fun with the masses... maybe playing 'antakshari' to pass the tyam syam... it's a long flight ni!

While in New York, Baburam dai will be attending a high-level meeting on nuclear safety rey.

I think them UN people were smoking crack or they just wanted to pull a prank hola. Don't they not know that we don't have any nuclear plants, bombs or even a mini-device kya? Baroo Dr. Saheb lai kunai 'hydro' sambandi meeting ma bola-ye hoon-thyo ni. Ya chahi tyo 'climate change' ma haal-dey hoon-thyo!

As usual, he will get to meet them Dosa and Dumpling men. He will eat roti and sabji with the Indian PM and maybe try some hot and sour soup with the Chinese hola ni. Then he will give a speech @ UN on Thursday rey. One advice for our Dr. Saheb, when speaking Angrezi... please speak slowly hai... don't speak like you are bhatta-ing your PhD thesis hehe!

He also gets to take a picture with the Amriki President Obama when he attends a reception hosted by the Amrikis. He will get like a minute or two hola (before he gets pushed by another foreign leader dying to shake hands with Obama) ... so rather than 'I am Shorty-Pyants from Nepal, the land of Everest and load shedding' etiyaadi.. just hand him a notebook with all your wish-list kya!

Obama has also written them book sook so he won't mind reading a 230 pages ko 'Dear God (Obama)... I want these stuff for Dashain' love-letter... hehe!

Here at home, our former Finance Minister, Ramu Mahat thinks Baburam dai should stop all this 'populist' nataks and flying economy will ruin the prestige of our great nation rey. Ho ruh? I guess them Congressis should be thanked for ruining this country by their 'looting' and it's because of them that we are in such a mess right now.

If only Girija Babu had stopped Sujata auntie from interfering then our Nepal Airlines would have like 10 757s ni... instead of just one functional plane and like 12 buses..hehe!

If our Kangaroos hadn't been so greedy and had governed well then Prachandoo sarkar wouldn't be flying business class ni.

Mahat thinks Baburam's Mustang ride is nothing but a joke while them Mao-buddies are driving around in them stolen vehicles. Tyo tuh ho... but maybe Mahat should go to Prachandoo's palace and drop his complaints there ni. Baburam dai lai matra kinnuh toki raako?

Our civil servants (them honest ones!) seem to like both our PM and FM rey. They speak Angrezi ... better than them former mantris who have visited NYC with their whole gaun! And both these men are straight-forward cowboys and don't act like clowns rey. They don't interfere with them civil servants like our Home Minister who is happy now that he and his pal, Ganesh Lama (the don from Kavre) can now make millions from them smuggling rackets.

Narayan dai will also be a Prime Minister one day.... he thinks before he speaks unlike our Prachandoo sarkar who thinks more like a stand-up comedian than a statesman.... hehe! It's about tyam them Mao-buddies and especially our chairman stop acting like they are still in the jungle (well, Delhi is also a jungle.. urban wallah ni!) and stop stealing land and asking for voluntary donations from everyone kya.

If Prachandoo sarkar abdicates and moves to Singapore (he can invest in them casinos there ni) then the Mao Inc. will finally be a mainstream musical act hola... but then of course we have Baidya aka Rambo... to deal with. He will be happy if he gets his PLA security (baroo arko 50 janna thap-dim naw) and he can go back to teaching Nepali at a local school in Rolpa ni.

Anyways, hope our PM, FM and them entourage enjoy them hot dogs and pretzels in NYC. Ground Zero tuh ghoom-nai paryo hola... ani ek dui wata Broadway show pani bhya-ye hooncha ni.