A Day at the United Nations...

Our Dr. Saheb gave his speech @ the United Nations... and don't hate him if he has the 'Indian' accent. It really doesn't matter how you speak Angrezi... only the Amrikans won't understand it kya. The rest of the world gets it but I still have no clue why them Amrikans never understand how we speak.

If you have an Amrikan accent then that's fine. But for folks like me and Baburam ... our only way to get our 'Angrezi' message across the room would be to speak slowly and pronounce each and every word clearly or kay bhancha ni... enunciate! I think it means the same thing.... sorry, I don't like to use them big words.

Government is not 'Govnmet' and prosperity is not 'Pospetty' kya. I still remember my 5th grade teacher, who made us pronounce the word 'Deevyaalupment' instead of 'Dev-Lope-Ment'... the only words I can pronounce like an Amrikan chahi... 'Kaw-pya-city' and 'Mall-tie-plug'!

Aroo words chahi.. tyehi ho 'Govinda' accent nai aucha... and I started watching 'Sesame Street' at 5 and watched all them episodes of 'Saturday Night Live' by 25... hehe! I guess I have proven them social scientists wrong hola... that spending thousands of days in them foreign lands can't make at least one jackass speak like a bideshi ... hehe!

I can do Singlish pretty well... just add 'lah' at the end ... udha-haran ko laagi chahi... 'okay, laah.. no problem laah... can can!' and I really do speak like a Bihari (even though I have never been to India!).... I should have tried to work on my Amriki accent hola... but that's okay .... Amrikan lay bujey booze-cha natra afai Nepali sikcha ni...hehe!

Okay, topic change garnoo paryo! Let's go back to our PM's speech hai. Baburam dai, like every other Nepali had to mention the tallest mountain and the spiritual guru, Buddha! But why did he leave the Sherpas, Gurkhas and them temples and tyampoos out?

I think he should have said, 'Nepal is a land of mountains, maoists and morons' ... well, them comrades think everyone is a moron ni... hehe! Jahiley pani kay kay natak gardai hami lai bhool-au-naw khoj-cha kya.

Dr. Saheb told them world leaders that his government is fully committed to writing them constitution and bringing this peace natak to a closure rey. Yes, we have seen how committed our Mao-buddies are .... hoinuh ruh?

And he talked about them human rights, climate change , UN peacekeeping stuff etiyaadi. I don't want to go through everything and try to be like them Op-Ed columnists in our major dailies hehe!

And Calvin Klein (CK) Lal must have something against Facebook, Twitter wallahs! I think he should get a Ham radio operator license or if the government doesn't allow it then just get yourself some pigeons hai! And stop using emails pani... baroo go back to snail mails ni!

Talking about human rights... all our comrades and the Madeshi movement wallahs won't have to worry about going to jail even if they killed them innocent villagers, teachers and low-level government employees.

And most of our netas today are mostly mundrey goondas from the 70s ... abuh goonda lay goonda lai help naw-gaw-rey, kay timi hami lai po help garney?

When it came to them police and army wallahs.... those who kissed arses or were well-connected never went to them remote areas and they never faced any danger from them ambushes and what not.

And we have to thank YCLs, Youth Force wallahs and them 27 different Madeshi armed outfits and not to forget them 'whatever-waans' militant groups as well... for doing their part to save the environment by being involved in them 'rookh-kaating', 'baaluwa-khunning' and 'roda-gitti nikaaling' ..... angrezi ma chahi... for clearing them forests, destroying our rivers and what not!

Don't be surprised if them bridges across the country collapse soon... no not from them earthquakes, sabai baluwa saluwa truck ma haaling, ani jhan thulo baadi aye-ing, pool sool pani bhawt-king!

The only reason our Home secretary was kicked out and transfered to the Prime Minister's office chahi.... he was trying to stop them 'red sandalwood' smuggling .... and our Home Minister's goonda, Ganesh Lama seem to control the racket. He was also paying off our Mao-buddies!

Ani Baburam dai pani choop when our 'Homie' said, 'Either me and my Madeshi Forum Wallahs or the 'honest' civil servant!'.... one man or one billion Rupees ko sawal ayo ni! Paisa banau-ney tyam ho.. ani Guccha-dar lay kaha chod-cha ruh?

Our netas should first sign up for them Everest trek (not fly sly ni) and then find out how them climate change thing is screwing up the region kya. Stupid Makune wasted millions of Rupees by hosting his cabinet meeting there.

And Prakash Dahal, our current crown prince plans to climb Everest with his bodyguard but he must have said that when he was drunk hola. I think Baburam should host another cabinet meeting there ... this tyam chahi.. ask all them ministers to climb Everest ni. Ani balla hami pani wah wah bhan-chau ni!

The Nepal Army has been involved in them UN peacekeeping missions for more than 50+ years.... and even our police-wallahs are now going to them war zones nowadays. We have to thank our netas, Rubel bhai (Sujata's sin-in-law) and the chor-police (them IGPs) for screwing our men in blue by sending them faulty APCs to Sudan.

We all know that Krishna Sitaula distributed the loot to them stooges. Yes, even our Prachandoo sarkar got his cut but this is Nepal... them corrupt clowns are always above the law hagi.

I think Baburam dai should have asked the UN wallahs to hire our 19,000 PLA combatants for their peacekeeping missions ni. They will get paid in dollars and Prachandoo sarkar can make more money when he takes a cut from their salaries ni.

I feel sorry for Baburam dai. Hope he and Hisila didi took them NYC tours on them double decker buses and spent some quality tyam together..... because once he gets back... his blood pressure will go up again.

And no Dr. Saheb, forget all that new 'Marshall Plan' natak.... what Nepal needs today is not them fokatey ko bhaa-shun ani nautanki nataks (circus act) .... hami lai paani, batti ruh bato dinoos... aroo kura ko tension naw-linoos.

Only them cadres, crooks and corrupt civil servants have enjoyed the loot ... and this game has been going on since 1951.. tyo bhanda pahila tuh you have to be a SJB to have fun ni .. hehe! Janta lay kay payo... mitho boli, tato goli ani jhahi lay pani mahangi kya!

Abuh arko Marshall Plan ko laagi tuh, we have to wait for WWIII ni... sabai bhatang-bhootong bhaye pachi aucha ni tyesto plan tuh!

The Madeshi netas have made it clear to them civil servants that they want to make as much as they can while they head them ministries... even them Mantri ko PAs haroo lay bhanchan rey.... 'Hami tuh paisa kamau-naw aako... lau chito chito kaam saam garoom, ani hami timi lay nai ho ni pauney maam saam' ...

So forget integration, constitution... etiyaadi hai... corruption tyeti kai cha, pollution pani ustai abuh hami janta lai chahi frustration ani bhooi chaalo aye pachi destruction ... abuh solution pau-naw chai ek dui wata mushroom khaa-noo hos ani enjoy them hallucinations ni.