Friday, September 16, 2011

Gudpaks & gimmicks


Thanks to the Republica/The Week ko editor and crew and also to Nepa.li as well.... I am once again writing them guff-suff for 'The Week' .... this is the edited version and I had asked for a cartoon to go with it and thanks Mr. KC for them cartoon hai!


For the first time in the history of Nepal, we have a prime minister who wants to save the taxpayers’ money. What’s wrong with Baburam Dai? Does he not know that he’s making a mockery of all them great netas and civil servants who are being driven around in SUVs and living the good life at our expense?

After all, he’s a son of a peasant and not descendants of Dhir Shumsher like most of our netas, ni. I don’t think none of our politicians are happy with Dr. Saheb’s ‘frugal’ lifestyle. It must be very discomforting for our great leaders who are used to ‘regal’ spending habits, ni.

Dr. Saheb saved us a crore by riding around in a Mustang. Baburam Dai will save us another crore by not doling out ‘free lollipops’ to them cadres, chamchas and criminals from the PM’s discretionary fund. I think he’ll lose a few Facebook fans, hola.

He’s also saved us an hour or two by showing up at work early and leaving late so that we won’t have to get stuck for another hour or more gawking at the Mustang. If only our civil servants were to follow his footsteps, then maybe we wouldn’t be running around them government offices for three days to get the hakim saheb’s signature, ni.

He’ll not be spending the state funds to travel to his partyko events. He’ll be sending them bills to his party, rey. Hope he’ll go against the tide and ask his fellow comrades to stop asking for so-called ‘voluntary donations’ to foot the bills for their bhetghat karyakarams as well.

And he’s flying economy to attend them UNko meeting. Unlike them former PMs who flew to NYC with their hip-hop entourage, he’s only taking 12 delegates with him. That should save us another crore.

He’ll be having tea and sweets (unadulterated) with the Desi PM there. Maybe Mr. Singh can share his ‘economic reform’ formulas from his days as then Finance Minster of India. Or they might spend some time talking about their PhD theses.

He shouldn’t only stick around in New York and only hang out with our NRNs in some restaurants in Jackson Heights, kya. He should take a Greyhound bus (saving us a few more dollars) to Omaha, Nebraska, and share a Sundae (unadulterated) with Warren Buffet. Buffet can give our urban planner some financial planning tips, kya.

The Constitution may not be written on tyam, the Integration thing might not work out as planned but Baburam Dai will always be known as the one who saved us some dough unlike others who spent it like it was their personal piggy bank.

Hope he also has the guts to tell his own comrades to return them properties to the rightful owners and stop this culture of impunity and corruption as well. All them netas say it’s only cheap publicity gimmicks to win our hearts and minds. Well, it’s a good start and hope it’ll set a precedent and not turn out to be like a Haley’s Comet, ni.

By the time he heads out of Baluwatar (hope he’ll be back for a longer stay), he’ll probably have saved us a few crores more. It would be great if all them ministers and civil servants jumped on the ‘savings’ bandwagon, but them freeloaders aren’t impressed.

NepalUnites visited Dr. Saheb and handed him a printed t-shirt with their anti-corruption slogans. I think it’s about tyam Rabindra Mishra and pals change the slogan to ‘Ghoos-Khorilai New Roadko Gudpak’ from the current ‘Kira’ thing.

And he’s really into social media and stuff. He’ll take questions and feedbacks from everyone. You can even send him an email at bhattaraibaburam@gmail.com, rey. He doesn’t like chakari, so please don’t send him an email asking for a job or his daughter’s hand in marriage.

I hope people understand that he’s different. He’s not a manpower agent or a matchmaker like other politicians who find jobs for their chamchas and shady deals for their own personal gains, kya.

In a country where everything’s adulterated, from politics to paani, how did we get such a man? He may not be as charismatic and cunning as our great Chairman. And he still needs to take a few yoga classes before he can bend backwards, but Baburam Dai has something that none of our great netas have, kya.

He has class. And of course, he has only 400,000 Rupees in the bank. No wonder he’s frugal, ni. So let’s all throw away our iPhones and buy the cheap ones. You don’t need a Range Rover when a Mustang will do.

And no more Gudpaks ever again!

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