Saturday, January 28, 2017

C for Corruption!




Transparency International (TI) tell us that we are the third most corrupt country in South Asia and we rank 131st when it comes to the global rankings. We need to tell these TI folks that we have our own 'alternative facts' and our data tells us that we are still a little less corrupt than other SAARC nations because the security personnel in some countries in our region will not stop harassing you until you give him at least ten Rupees. 

At least our cops are better than that. When they stop our cab drivers they ask for recharge cards for their mobile phones or at least enough to buy a full plate of local momo!

Let us congratulate our politicians and civil servants for working together to at least help our country win the bronze medal for corruption in our region. And with the way things are going, don't be surprised if we win the 'gold' for South Asia within this decade. Yes, we will get there because we have nobody to stop our chors from looting us all.

It's really tough for our civil servants because they read the news and they hear about how an Indian politician spent 74 million US$ dollars for his daughter's wedding. They read about how a Desi government engineer got caught with tens of  Karods Indian Rupees in his house. 

When we hear about corruption in India, their media tells us that some crook was involved in some scam worth a thousand Karods. Now, what that does is make our politicians and civil servants aspire to be like those corrupt clowns across the border. 

But of course, our economy is smaller and our byaparis don't make profits in thousands of Karods and that's why our netas take a few Kaord here and there to fund their lifestyle, provide for their families and also save for future elections and other works related with his political party.

The only folks who can afford to pay our netas hundreds of Karods are our bideshi friends. No wonder, we hear about our politicians calling their 'Facebook' friends on both sides of the border for funds to either topple the government or to stay in power.

During the 'Panchey' days, our civil servants asked for bribes under the table. After we took to the streets and brought our so-called democrats to the kurchi, everyone decided that we should be free to pay bribes and receive them above the table. And now, we have been a 'Republic' for years and the State is busy ripping off the public in all ways possible. 

And in a few years, when we have the divided states of Nepal, be prepared to pay chiya kharcha to everyone along the highway when you drive from one state to another. Yes, we will have to pay the federal tax, state tax and the local tax and who knows even the neighborhood tax perhaps. Yes, we will keep on paying because then we will have to pay for the state ministers and fund their luxurious lifestyles as well. 

Corruption is everywhere. If you pay chiya kharcha, then you don't have to stay in line to get the forms for the written exam at the Yatatyat office. If you pay more, then you will even pass the exam and then you can go for the actual 'trial' stuff where you fail the driving test and still get a license if you pay more. 

If you are registering a NGO to help the needy and the underprivileged, the sarkari hakim will make your life miserable by accusing you and your ancestors for trying to get rich by getting funds from the bideshis. But the same hakim saheb has no shame when it comes to stealing the tents, jackets and other stuff the bideshis had provided for those displaced by the earthquake. And after weeks of going around the CDO office, you finally have to pay chiya kharcha to get the registration. 

And once you pay, the hakim saheb will hug you and be your friend and tell you that this country needs people like you to help the needy because the government alone can't be everywhere and provide all the services to the people. But of course, come next year, when it's time to renew your NGO's registration, be prepared to face the same harassment as the year before.

If common folks need to pay chiya kharcha for express service to receive the basic services from the state then just imagine how much our con artists and fake-VAT bill byaparis pay the civil servants and our netas to evade taxes? We all know that most of our big business houses have some kind of a deal with folks at the Finance Ministry. T

hat’s how our byaparis have been playing the game since ages.  Yes, if our government was really serious about collecting taxes from our byaparis then we would not need foreign aid, loans and grants to balance our budget. 

We all pay taxes in one form or another. Our vehicle taxes should be used to build our infrastructure and maintain our roads and highways. But it seems that we pay taxes just to feed our civil servants and pay for the perks provided to our politicians. But it's not enough. 

Our civil servants and netas always want to hike their pay because they tell us that with all the inflation, it's hard to survive on what they get from the State.  

But how do the common folk seem to manage to survive even when their income has not increased in years but the house rent in the capital has increased by a hundred percent after the earthquake? Food prices have increased by fifty percent in the past two years.  

It's seems that we are barely surviving while our civil servants and clowns continue to enrich their lives by engaging in corruption and seem to get away with it. Well, they do catch the small fishes from time to time but when will the big sharks get caught and punished for bankrupting this country?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, January 21, 2017

43 Buffoons!




Let us congratulate our Emperor for adding two new ministers in his cabinet. We all know where the priorities lay for our politicians. It's not about creating jobs or spending the capital budget in a timely manner or promoting good governance or unveiling effective economic stimulus packages or rebuilding the homes and the lives of those affected by the earthquake or even ordering the 'Melamchi' wallahs to finish their road destruction project as soon as possible and at least paving it back to its previous state. 

It’s all about expanding their own bellies and adding more mantris so that we can all pay for their chiya kharcha!

We now have 43 clowns who get vehicles, security and other perks that come with the kurchi! Why on earth would you appoint people from a political party that has only one lawmaker in the House? How does it help our ruling clowns to gain wider support for endorsing the constitution amendment bill? 

Maybe these two lucky bums somehow were the highest bidder in the 'make me a mantri and I will bring in more moolah for you and me' auction market!

We also hear that our great former Mandaley and now a great campaigner for 'Make Nepal Hindu Again', Kamal Dai and former Kangaroo but now so-called great leader of Madhes, Bijaya Dai have been asked to join the team but they want to be the vice-captains and have sought lucrative ministries as well. 

It's just sad to see our Emperor become one of them. We thought this man could be our savior. He would change this country for good, be our Mandela when it comes to reaching out and embracing the ones on the other side and our Lee Kwan Yee, a man who could single-handedly change the destiny of a nation. But what have we gotten so far? 

He is just another clown who will do anything to enjoy the office of power and only enrich himself and his dear ones at the expense of the public purse.

The first time around, our Emperor quit and went back to his mansion just because he could not fire the guy who was going to retire in a few months. This time around, he does not have the majority to act like a buffoon. He knows that he will have to hand the baton to the King of Dadelhura soon and the only thing he has accomplished so far is well nothing. 

Our former Prime Monster Oli formed his football team of 41. Our Emperor has topped him and in a few months when our great leader Deuba becomes our official clown at Baluwatar, don't be surprised if he breaks his own record of having 48 lazy bums in the cabinet then in the 90s!

We know that our politicians really don't care about the rule of law. They believe that they are above the law. I guess they even forget to read the 'new' constitution that clearly states that the size of the cabinet should not exceed 25 members. 

Well, yes we are in a transition and our politicians tell us that it doesn't count. Really? How on earth did we get such chors to govern this country? Look around, your neighbors are all hardworking, law-abiding citizens of this land. 

Where did we get our politicians from? If we look at their parents, all of them really are or were honest, hardworking. god-fearing people. But how did their children turn out to be crooked evil-doers? It's not their fault. We just have not let go of the 'rule' of the Shree Tins. They had few brothers enjoying the loot then. We now have a couple of hundreds of mini-maharajas who are having all the fun. The players may have changed but the system remains the same!

I think our Emperor should have just added another two more and reached the target of '45' just to celebrate the inauguration of the 45th President of the United States of America. Yes, Donald Dai is now officially the President and Obama has already left the building.  Yes, stop crying because it really doesn't affect you and me.

But Amrika is not Nepal. Here in this land, our politicians can engage in corruption with all their might and they feel that it is their right to loot the nation and its people. But in Amrika, well you have all the lobbyists and what not but if you screw up and do what is not constitutional, the Supreme Court will let you know and there are checks and balances to make sure that the President does not become a dictator. Here in this land, who cares about the Supreme Court? 

We don't know where we are heading but let us thank our incompetent government for at least making us all suffer from the dhulo-mulo thanks to the 'Melamchi' nataks. Most of us will suffer from respiratory illnesses but of course our government doesn't care. 

They only care about their own lot. The government has the dough to build a bomb-proof residence for our President but doesn't have the money or the human resources to build the homes of those displaced by the earthquake.  

Amrika gets a new person every four or eight years to lead the country to glory or shame. The President of Amrika swears that he and hopefully someday she will do their best to 'preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States'.

 We get the same bunch of good for nothing clowns who have been playing the same natak for a couple of decades and they lead the country to only shame and ruin! And our so-called leaders do their best to discard, disregard and destroy the constitution of this land. So, God help us all!


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Please Dispose of Trash Properly!




Somebody should remind our Urban Development Minister Arjun uncle that it is not right to chew tobacco inside the House and then spit it out on your hands and then dispose it by throwing it under the chair. 

First of all, chewing tobacco is bad for one's health. I think our Health Minister Gagan Thapa should kindly request his father-in-law to quit such bad habit. Yes, print out all the negative effects of chewing tobacco from the net and submit it Arjun uncle! 

But of course, our netas do not have the habit of looking at important files that matter. He will probably dispose it under the table or out the window whichever he finds convenient.

Second, if you have to dispose the tobacco, it is much better to use a handkerchief or a napkin to collect your mess and find the nearest trash can to dispose the stuff.  But then who wants to stain one's handkerchief because it must have earlier been used to wipe one's nose. And to walk around to find the nearest trash can is a waste of time for our netas who are busy figuring out how to divide this country and destroy our social harmony. 

I hope Arjun uncle has not set a bad example to the rest of the clowns in the House because one day, some other jerk might just use a water bottle to finish his business because he is just too lazy to walk to the nearest restroom. 

I think our government should provide at least one trash can and a box of napkins to each Consitpated Assembly (CA) members when they are inside the House. And don't forget to bolt the trash can and the napkin holders as well or our lawmakers might take them home and ask for another every other day. 

Yes, our lawmakers think that they are entitled to many gift hampers from the State and only find common ground when it's time to raise their paychecks and perks.

It seems that our  netas maybe great at giving speeches that go nowhere but fail miserably when it comes to social etiquettes.  In other countries, the politician would apologize for such juvenile act and even disappear from the political scene but in our beautiful land, our netas are not ashamed of anything. 

We should not be so harsh on Arjun uncle. He didn't break any chairs, sofa or tables like some of our other wrestlers turned lawmakers. But improper disposal of trash leads to pollution, foul odor and what not.  If you see a guy who is walking around chewing tobacco and spitting the mess out on the street, you can no longer scold him for doing such natak. He might just tell you that if a minister can do it then why can't he?

Our netas are not role models.  Nobody dreams of becoming a  Oli, Prachanda or Deuba (OPD). If you find a person who dreams of becoming like the current clowns we have then he can't be treated at the out-patient department of Teaching Hospital. 

He needs help from a psychiatrist and such person should be provided counseling and care at a mental health institute for years so that he can turn out to be a hardworking, honest citizen of this land instead of being a lazy bum who only dream of looting the state treasury and the people as well.

Let us all thank our United Mundrey Leaders (UML) and our other opposition wallahs for organizing motorcycle rallies and disturbing the capital on a Friday by their nataks. 

It seems that our political parties when out of power need to show their strength to the ruling clowns by disrupting traffic and making our lives miserable by their bandas and chakka jams! And then they tell us that they are doing it all for the people and we must all celebrate their nataks as it is a historic moment for the country. 

When our political parties are in power, they do nothing except figure out how to promote their own mancheys and extort from everyone. When they are out of power, they take to the streets and blame the ruling clowns for doing the same thing they did when they had the kurchi!

The day will be historic when we all stand up and tell our netas that we are all tired of the bandas, chakka jams and their effort to bring our life to a standstill by creating chaos in our neighborhood. We must find a way to round up the trash that is taking our country down the drain and dispose it properly so that we can have our country back! 


Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com