Thursday, March 31, 2011

Cricket World Cup ...

We may never reach them World Cup ... be it football (soccer for our NRNs in Amrika!) or cricket or kabbadi ... but we Nepalis.. sure love them major sporting events... don't we?

Sabai 'generator' bhaako restoo-rant haroo tuh pack sack ... hijo! Hope we will be playing in the Cricket World Cup soon... hamro youngsters haroo lai ramro diet, training ruh bhatta-satta diyo bhaney kehi hola jasto cha hai!

The Pakistanis should have listened to them 'Fateh Ali Khans' qawwalis before they started their game same ni.... well, the Desis are now into the finals and hope the Sri Lankans are listening to MIA and are pumped up hola ni!

Oops... sorry, MIA tuh LTTE ko fan san ho kyaruh... the only thing I remember about Sri Lanka is them LTTE! No ... it's not them 'Letter To The Editor' ni feri... it's them 'Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam' ... kya!

Oh.. I forgot ... and I still remember them tyam when one Sri Lankan soldier tried to bat some sixes on Rajiv Gandhi's head kyaaruh! He failed... but them Desis are now funding our 'Madeshi' armed outfits... and one day... don't be surprised if they come here with their so-called 'peace-keeping' mission like they did in Sri Lanka!

Talking about them sporting events... I think Gaddafi should ask for a 'camel race' or something! Sarkozy is trying to be the 'leader' of them coalition ... against Libya... so Gaddafi ... this is your last chance kya! Yes, Gaddafi vs Sarkozy... if G-man wins then he gets Carla Bruni and she can sing to him ... all them lob songs!

If Sarkozy wins... then what? Well, the French and them other kuireys can have them oil soil kya... and what about Gaddafi? He can go to Uganda or maybe buy a chateau in France and live happily ever after ... with his 'bodyguards-ni'! At the end of the day... them kuireys do give you a deal kya!

Poor Saddam... if he had taken them deal seal.. he wouldn't be caught in them filthy hole, eating snickers and what not kya! Well, Gaddafi is no Saddam... and them Libyan rebels are not organized.. I think our great Comrade Ram Bahadur Thapa (RBT aka Raaga Bacon Tomato), and Pampha Bhusal didi ko lover... should fly to Libya and train them rebels!

Ye.. sorry... RBT would be fighting for Gaddafi ... because .. once upon a tyam, RBT did go to Libya and did get his training sraining from them Libyans kyaaruh! I think he has a Gaddafi ko poster soster somewhere in his room hola!

Anyways.... this Saturday... the Desis will be under pressure to win the final ... I hear them Sri Lankans are them complete package rey! I have known Sachin Tendulkar since them 90s... (well, I also know the Pope, Obama and Sujata aunite... bhanya jastai kya!) but I am rooting for them Sri Lankans... no I am not anti-Desis like our netas!

I love Sameera Reddy, Pav Bhajis and Johnny Lever but this tyam... for Sri Lanka!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Good for Nothing....

It's good to be a CA member... you can cheat and beat the system kya! Our great CA member, Kiran Kumari Ray should be honored with the best 'SLC candidate' award for 2011 hola! She didn't feel like sitting for them exams so she sent her daughter and somebody found out... but no arrest, no expulsion... kya mazza!

If you are a CA member then you can do anything you want ni! Yes, sell your passports, slap them civil servants, get them bhatta satta and do nothing... mora mori haroo .. sabai janaa good for nothing kya!

UML (Unidentified Moronic Losers) is a hawa-taari communist party! Well.. all them Nepali communists are jpt anyways! And them UML CA members are a funny bunch.... either they are busy extorting or cheating ... or if you are Bishnu Poudel, the defense minister then you are thinking of how to get them military shar-samaan so that you can make some money on the side... hahah!

Sabai janaa hami jasto kaha ho ruh... happy with chicken noodle soup wit a soda on da side .. ki kay bhancha ni!

Let's get back to them SLC nataks! The Superintendent of them exam centre has been suspended rey... but our CA member will neither be suspended from her party (UML) nor will she be arrested... most us already suffer from high blood pressure but our civil servants suffer from political pressure rey!

And talking about them political pressure, Secretary of the Finance Ministry, Mr. Rameshwor Khanal has resigned rey! Why? Mr. Khanal wanted to take them action saction against them big businesses for evading taxes worth billions .. and all them fake VAT bills nataks but our great Finance minister... again another UML donkey, was giving Mr. Khanal a wedgie rey!

Not all Khanals suck .. hahah! Another Khanal is our prime-monster.. and all he does is attend them fokatey ko karyakarams! I think our prime-monster and the President ko title sitle change garey-raw... 'Chief Guest I' and 'Chief Guest II' bhaney-raw rakhnoo parla!

The Battle of Kashmir begins today... Sonia Gandhi and family will be sipping Campa-Cola (ahiley samma cha ki chaina.. haha!) and Indo-Pak prime-monsters will be drinking mango lassi .. .while they watch them Cricket World Cup ko semi-final match! Security is very tight sight rey!

And talking about security.... Rakesh Sood is not that famous as Bryan Adams... Bryan had like 5,000 police-wallahs for security when he came to Kathmandu to sing and ring in some dollars!

Ambassador Sood only gets 1,000 when he goes on them trips outside the Valley... you know ... the Desis are building them schools, bridges and what not kya!

Baburam Dai is right kya.. beggars can't be choosers and our netas are good at begging segging... so if you really want to wave them black flags @ them foreign rajdoots (not the bike ni feri!) then say no to them 'foreign aid said' nataks ni!

10 barsa India ma sookha-roti khay-eruh basyo Prachoonda Dai and gang .. at least be a thankful to them Desis.. hami tuh basey nau ni! So.. we really don't have to meet them RAW agents now and then and kiss their arses ni... hahah!

Ani.. hami lai chai khoi security.. heheh... try calling '100' sometimes hamro Nepal Police lai... I did ... if you tell them 'there is a drunk outside your house singing 'Hindi' songs'.. them police-wallahs will show up after 10 minutes... if you tell them your house is on fire or your are being robbed ... they will probably show up after two hours!

So.. the best thing to do is .. call them up and say 'I am a CA member and I want a cup of tea' .. bhannaw napauddai .. them Nepal Police will be in your house .. hahah... political pressure works ... kya!

Ani... hamro great comrades are busy waving them black flags wherever Sood pops up in them remote areas... hahah! C'mon comrades... drink some whisky, wave some Desi flag because we all know that no matter how much Prachoonda bitches about 'Indian interference' and gets his cadres to do the '@#$! India' dance ... at the end of the day.... Prachoonda likes them Dosas more than we do!

Baroo tyo New Zealand ko Maori dance sance garey hooncha ni.. kay bhancha 'haka saka' and Pampha Bhusal and Hisila Didi can do the 'Waka Waka' .. nice combo platter heheh... even Sood would shit his pants hola.... black flags ain't gonna scare Sooda-man anytime soon!

And while bombs are going off in them public buses.. our great Home Ministry has requested all armed outfits not to harm civilians rey! What the @#$! is wrong with our 'Home' officials? This ain't no MTV ko 'Total Request Live' bull-shit kya! Or Nepal ma chahi Kantipur Calling ki kay cha ni! Sorry... it's called 'Call Kantipur' kyaaruh!

There are two kinds of armed outfits in Terai....rey! Criminal and political rey... haha.. yo aajuh ko naya joke hola ni! Haatti ruh Haatti Chaap Chapal jastai ho kya! And our so-called government will not talk with them criminals shri-min-alls but will try to have some guff suff with them political-wallahs rey!

Nepal ma yestai ho.... our politicians act like criminals and all them criminals act like politicians... sorry.. our politicians are criminals ni... sorry... all criminals will be politicians someday ni... sorry.. I am confused!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Drunk on Duty....

Here we go again... our great police-wallahs have once again made us proud! Central jail must be a fun place to be hola! You can plan them extortion, murder surder ... get shot at ... play marriage and 99% of them inmates feel safe rey except Yunus Dai... haha!

Did you know that Charles Sobhraj gets them 'wine swine' and them cheese stuff from some guy from the French embassy? How come Charles hasn't escaped yet.... either he is really enjoying his stay or just getting old hola ni!

Yunus Ansari is probably having a Hyderbaadi biryaani and thanking the heavens above for being alive. And the only place them cell phones have better reception is at them jail sail kya.. khoi hamro tuh tower nai tip-dai naw!

Milan Chakre dai is probably gorging on Choco-Fun while doing a one-hand push up because his other hand is all mangled up kyaaruh! And now... a Pakistani inmate has escaped... thanks to our 'drunk' policemen!

Well, he didn't escape from them jail sail... he fainted, got checked up by them doctors and was transferred to the 'Heart' hospital... ani raati 11 bajey aspaw-taal ko bathroom baatuh bhagyo rey.. haha!

And where were them cops? They were drunk sleeping kya! I think it's about tyam ... our Home ministry bans them cell phones and whisky bottles during duty hours kya!

Few weeks ago, there was some bandh sandh (for few hours) in Maharajgunj... why? A liquor store right next to a police beat was burglarized and the tole-baasis were mad at them cops rey! Hahah.. abuh raat bhari tyehi raksi pasal ko twat chor-dai, piu-dai .. geet seet soonyo holan tuh mora haroo lay!

Hello.. US Embassy... timro government ko aid said is not working kya! Instead of giving our Police them communication equipments and what not... just open a 'Dunkin Donuts' kya ... and maybe 'free coffee & donuts' will help our cops stay wide awake and also bulk up as well... hahah!

I don't know what happened to them 'Marshals' toli ... who were supposed to check on our 'drunk on duty' cops... Nepal ma yestai ho ... maybe them marshals got drunk on the way to them checking secking hola ni!

So next tyam... when our men in blue arrest them party-wallahs and haul them off to Bir Hospital for them medical tests ... then will the "People's Volunteers" be there to do them tests on our cops?

Ye.. what happened to our 'Volunteers' ... hahah .. koora milya chaina rey! YCL-wallahs happen to be Prachandey Dai ko mancheys ... Yo 'Volunteers' haroo chahi Baidya Dai ko rey... abuh baaki bhayo Baburam Dai.... lau Bishnu Shrestha ruh Dip Prasad Pun dui jana bhaye poogcha kya!

And what's up with the lunch date sate? Prachoo and Badoo hanging out with their side-kicks @ Naya Bazar Palace and I guess our Dr. Saheb wasn't invited hola ni!

It's a good thing ... last tyam the 'Agro-man' and the 'Urban Planner' had lunch together was @ Ram Hari Shrestha's house and we all know what happened to Ram Hari! So don't ever invite them for lunch sunch.. feri you might get whacked by Kham's Brady Bunch kya!

Abuh yestai taal ho bhaney ...three comrades haroo kunai din .. three stooges hola ni! Euta India ko Euta China ko... ani what about Baidya? Hahah... he doesn't care... he will fight anyone... either the guy is delusional or crazy or just another grumpy old man kya!

Aajuh mero janma-din... I am 24 today! Haha...for serial! I want to thank my family, friends and foes. I want to thank my family (my donor agency) for funding all my 'experiments' ... and like our Nepali netas ... I have failed again and again! I would like to thank my parents and yours ... for their unconditional love and support!

My sisters ... smart... independent... beautiful women who have figured out what they want to do with their lives! My friends... who still laugh at my jokes even if they are not funny any more. My foes... for stepping on my toes and 2011 is my 'year' hola... heheh! I am in love with a beautiful woman and if the world ends next year... then I want to die in her arms!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Brave Gurkhas.....

What's wrong with our Gurkhas? British Army ko Gurkha soldier was recently awarded them 'Conspicuous Gallantry Cross' ... for his bravery! If Stallone hears about this ... he will probably stop making them 'Rambo' movies hola!

Acting Sergeant Dip Prasad Pun fought off 30 talibans... alone and if Mohan Baidya really wants to invade India then he better have folks like Pun on his side!

Many months ago, Bishnu Shrestha, a retired Indian Army ko Gurkha soldier took voluntary retirement and was heading home when 40 dakus entered the train and started looting and shooting! What did Bishnu do? Well, he fought them off , injuring eight and the rest fled kyaaruh!

Now, the Indian army wants him back and he gets free 'railway' tickets, cash prizes and what not from them Desi government! Don't be surprised if Sunny Deol is a Gurkha soldier in Gadar II!

I hope someday we will hear them news about our Nepal army ko Gurkha soldier kicking at least 20 janaa ko arse sarse kya! Khoi... hamro army ko ration sation, training sraining ali kum ho ki kay ho?

If we look at our Nepal police.. all them officers are moto-ghaato and them constables are all looreys .. khana naw-kha jasto! And instead of better training, bhatta and ration ... they just carry their bamboo sticks, chew Pan Parag and get drunk on duty! Ye.. and not to forget ... we don't have a Navy but our police-wallahs can curse more than them sailors kya!

Well.. we can't blame the laathi-chargers ... for they still act like they did during them Panchey days and our NA still acts like it's 1931.. heheh.. Rana Sashun ko bela jastai! While the police-wallahs talk like they never went to school ... our NA folks still use the 'Rana' bhasa.. haha!

Them police-wallahs will say ... 'Sir, Yo R@#! ko C@#$ lai muh thok-dim?' .. ani Nepal army ma chahi 'Shaap, Hajur lay marji hos, muh yeslai thoki haalchoo..' hahah!

My Uncle was in the NA once... hahah... he went from talking like this .. 'Ye.. Bhat khanoos' to ... 'Hajur Jew Narayan gari-see-eos ki boxy-see-wos' .. or something like that ...BS!

And a friend of mine married some general ko chori and whenever he calls his mother-in-law ... he goes ... 'Hajur Maha-raani... something baksi something gari-see-wos..'

The Ranas left the building 60 years ago.. the Shahs are leaving as well.. but we really can't blame our LMG (Limbu-Magar-Gurung) army generals and other 'khandaani' folks to act like them RST (Rana-Shah-Thakuris) ... because .... at the end of the day ... we all want to be 'Shree Tin' Maharaja kya!

Yesto bela ma chahi.... it's good to be a kuirey kya.... Hilly Billy (Clinton) can dine and wine with the Queen of England and so can Jorge Bush (The Conneticut Yankee ko naati!) ... Nepal ma tuh you can be a broke-arse 'Thulo' Jaat and still act like them 'Czars from Russia' .... well then the Bolsheviks crashed the party ni!

Ani.. what about our Bolsheviks.. well they are a different kind kyaaruh.. it was never their intention to crash the party... they just wanted to get the invite and join in the fun kya! So let us all thank the Desis for organizing such wonderful events for the last 60 years ... hahah!

And who the @#$! woke up one day and decided to call 'Bhat' ... Bhoooja kya! No wonder.. Upendra Yadav always wants them 'Foreign' ministry... he doesn't want bhat or bhooja.. he wants some rice hola ni!

Only them army generals and police ka thula officers get fat and rich while rest of them soldiers have to either kiss them arses or work like slaves... yestai ho hamro Nepal ko system kya!

And we have 200,000+ security folks ... and they are busy working as personal security guards for our netas, foreign embassies and if you are them army or police ko ration ko thekey-daar then you can have few guards for yourself as well!

Them Madeshi armed outfits are blowing up them public buses... three incidents in three days and our netas and prime-monster are busy with them rafting trip srip! Yes, please enjoy rafting shafting ... while we live in fear!

Our so-called government likes to hand out millions of rupees to them so-called martyrs and combatants and everybody who happens to be in some political party or another... but if you are an ordinary law-abiding citizen then you are worth nothing!

And today... them Madeshi armed outfits are using the same play-book written by our great comrades... remember them Madi victims.... the Maoists blew up a passenger bus, killing them innocent folks and till this day... their families have not been compensated! I guess our lives are not worth much kyaaruh!

The Maoists tell us that they fought for us... The Madeshi armed outfits are now telling the people from Terai that they are fighting for their rights... we have heard it before.... and one day... don't be surprised if the commanders of them armed outfits become our mantris... and then we will have to forget their atrocities... and just go on with our lives!

Madesh will keep on burning... and our security folks will be busy providing security for our netas ... and what do we, the public do to stop this fire from engulfing us all?

I don't know.. all we can do is pray and hope .... that we are not next! While the world hears about our brave Gurkhas.. we are waiting for them to come home and save us because our Gurkhas here can't save themselves!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Cricket Diplomacy...

Does sports play an important role in diplomacy? Khoi malai kay tha-ha... during the 70s, them Amriki and Chinese had their game of 'ping-pong' (table tennis for folks who don't play beer-pong...hehe!) and it helped to re-establish them U.S.-Sino relations rey!

And now them Desi media are going ga-ga (without Lady Gaga) over them PM 'Singh is king' ko invitation to them Pakistani Prezzie and prime-monster to watch the Indo-Pak cricket match. And they are calling it 'Cricket Diplomacy' ... kati nai bholi nai uni haroo sangai Holi khel-la jasto ani 'Bhai Bhai' geet gaucha hola ni!

It's going to be crazy... betting setting tuh bhayee halcha ni! And if the Desis lose.. then the Pakistanis will have to play them final game in Mumbai! Heheh... and you know them Shiva Sena wackos... they are the 'Hindu' talibans.. they won't let them Pakistanis set foot in Mumbai rey!

I think this is the right tyam to settle all them issues kya! Whoever wins ... gets to eat Kashmiri Gosht (eklai lay!) or something like that... I don't know... I think they should baroo band together and invade England hola ... lastuh ma tyehi Angrez kai natak tuh ho ni... jaha gaye pani 'divide and rule' policy ... heheh!

Abuh hamro neta haroo ko kura garoom! What kind of diplomacy will be required to make our netas get their act together? Well, so far only them ICs, Yuans, Amriki dollars and Euros seem to be working for our so-called leaders!

Sabai neta haroo moto-ghato nai dekhin-chan.... chillo ani rato pani... how about them tug-o-war baroo... ho ni... Rangasala ma nai garoom naw! First match chahi.. Madeshi netas vs Congressis ... second match chai Maobadis vs Rajabadis ani UML sangaw ko bhid-nay.. heheh uni haroo ko afnai dui-ta team cha.. afai bhidey-ruh bascha ni!

Ye.. sorry... Maobadi ruh Rajabadi are now on the same team kyaaruh... so I guess they can play against UML ... and then winners will get to the finals and whoever wins gets the contract to loot, boot and shoot for the next 5 years kya!

Looks like... Shah Rukh Khan and Priyanka Chopra will be visiting Kathmandu soon shake their stuff and make some moolah! And it will really help 'Visit Nepal' natak as well... tyehi event-wallah lay bhaneko! Khoi... holan tuh ... hamro paisa liyeruh jaa-naw ko laagi ... uni haro lay Nepal visit gar-nai paryo ni!

Them Indians visit Nepal for .... three reasons! They want to go to Pashupatinath, or play some black-jack @ them casinos or head to Central jail and shoot them so-called ISI agents who happen to be Nepali media tycoons... heheh!

Ani ... the funny thing is that paisa feri sabai Desi bhai haroo ko haat maa.. hahah.. them Pashupatinath Temple ma .. we have them Indian pujaris (and they get their 'cut' ) ... and until a year ago, Rakesh Wadhwa (Desi man!) was busy making crores from the casinos and them Desi gangsters in Nepali jails continue their 'extortion' rackets targeting Nepali businessmen.... thanks to our great Nepal police kyaaruh!

And according to some survey conducted by some Amriki organization, 50% of Nepali folks feel safe rey! Ho ruh... do you feel safe? I guess them people who were asked to participate in this survey natak .... 50% of them must have been.. hamro neta haroo ko chamchas and nata-gota... heheh!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Earth Hour...

Are you ready for 'Earth Hour' .... when them folks from all around the world will be switching off their lights sights for an hour sour? World Wrestling Federation (WWF) is doing a lot and you should also join in the fun kya!

Oops.. sorry .. tyo arkai WWF po rahecha... the 'Save Tiger' wallahs... and Nepal should probably get the '1st prize' hola ni... yo 'Save Earth' campaign maa!

We don't even have to wait for 8:30pm to shut them batti satti... we are switching off for 14 hrs a day (ahiley ko laagi 12 thanks to SLC!)... now let us ask them kuires (or be-ka-shit rastra haroo) to go beyond the hour.. lau tuh 14 ghanta batti off garnoos tuh...let's see how long they will last kya!

Baroo WWF lay 'Save Nepal' campaign soo-roo garey hooncha ki... Tiger pani hami sangaw cha.. abuh batti satti pani haami nai ho sabai bhanda badi switch-off garney... heheh!

And hamro pyaro Daktaar saheb .... BRB is in Singapore and no he is not there to eat roti and sabji @ Serangoon Road with some shady foreign agents or 'jpt' organization like Prachandey Dai! No laah... BRB is in Singapura to give them talk salk rey... @ some Uni!

Please somebody remind Baburam Dai that he is a member of the Maoist party kya! Why? Well, Dr. Saheb said "liberal democratic norms, free and fair election, press freedom and freedom of expression, right to education, employment, food security and shelter must be guaranteed in the new constitution" ... rey!

Hahah... so yo sabai guarantee chahi kaslay garney ho.. ani kati barsa ko warranty ho ni? Tyo laptop saptop tuh 1 barsa warranty hooncha hamro KTM ko pasal ma taruh 2-3 mahina ma nai crash bhayo bhaney ... firta hoodainuh... tyestai warranty hola ni!

Abuh.... I must be smoking crack hola! I thought them Maoists wanted a one-party state and kay ko liberal democratic norms... haha! Tyo bhanya kay ho... Prachandey Dai lai sodhnoo parla!

Free and fair election rey... koon duniya ma chau Baburam Dai... Nepal ma sabai gau ghar tiruh ki bandook dekha-yeruh ki badel khua-ye-ruh jitney ho ni! Pahila aroo lay ... yes paali Maobadi lay tar-sa-yo... farak yeti nai tuh ho ni!

Press freedom... my arse... Padam Thakurathi nearly got his head blown off when he did them story on our great gangsters aka 'Bhumigat Giroh' during them panchey days... and even today our journalists are getting hacked to death somewhere in Nepal because they want to tell the real stories... and it doesn't go well with our builders of 'New Nepal' ... so they free the press-wallahs yo sansar batuh!

Education.... our great comrades shut down them schools and campuses so that our students can stay home and use facebook more .... yo pani arko 'Save Earth' campaign nai ho... then we can all likes 'Earth Hour' ko fb page ni! School bus haroo naw-chaley pachi ali ali bhaye pani pollution kum hooncha ni.. heheh!

Ani government colleges ma tuh kay padai hooncha ruh... siddhai exam dinuh gaye hooncha ... baroo sabai college sollege nai banda gardim .... baroo paper saper pani save garoom.. kum rookh katnoo parcha ni! Ekkai choti finals ma matruh paper kharcha garoom naw!

Abuh employment ko koora garda.... afno desh ma kaam chaina... ani kay garney... bhaako ali ali sampati bechey-raw bidesh tiruh jaaney ni... but if you are ABCDs or them union-wallahs then kaam pani garnoo pardai-naw.. basi basi khaam hai!

ABCD rey.. hahah.. apaw-haran-kaaris, byaparis , comrades and Dalals! Abuh... naya Nepal ma yehi nai sika-ye hooncha hamra baccha-bacchi haroo lai!

And if our comrades plan to come up with last year ko jastai 'KTM bandh' part II then please be ready to provide gaas and baas .... food ruh shelter... natraw feri ... Baburam Dai will go to Zimbabwe and then give another speech on ..... ye sorry... Mugabe tuh success story nai ho .. on 'how to ruin your country' maa.. heheh!

Baburam Dai... just open another party .. baroo party ko naam nai 'Nepal Earth Party At Last' (NEPAL) nai rakh-dim ani tapai lay sabai tyo guarantee dinoos ani then maybe we can all celebrate at last!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Let's Make a Deal....

Our dailies report that them big three idiots haroo ko trade unions have agreed for a cease-fire rey and will NOT close down them factory-sactory for another 4 years rey! Ho ruh... bhanya? April Fools' Day tuh aunoo baaki nai cha kya!

And who the @#$! comes up with this number sumber... 4 years ... yesterday our so-called government declared 'energy crisis' for the next 4 years... and come May 28th... will our great CA members extend their paychecks for another 4 years?... hahah!

Or will we even have a country left... in the next 4 years?..... khoi ... yestai taal ho bhaney tuh Naubise jaanaw pani visa lagaunoo parcha koonai din!

Ani... khoosi ko khabar .. National Football League (NFL) not the Amriki one ni feri.. hamro Nepal ko kya.. will kick off on April 27th rey! Lau hai badhai cha.. abuh kati din samma ko laagi ho... May 28 pachi feri arko 4 years lai postpone hoonay hola ni... hahah!

SLC exam segjam chali raacha... ani Dhanusha ma chahi 44 examinees, guards and guardians were arrested rey..... what's happening myan? Yo '4' chahi nikkai lucky number jasto cha ni 'New Nepal' ma... heheh.. abuh we should ban them students for another 4 years hola ni !

I can understand .. some students have no option but to cheat seat because they were busy watching them cricket sricket hola ni ! But what's wrong with them parents kya? Chora chori ladoo (not them sweets!) bhayo bhan-dai maa chor-naw hausala diney kya!

Kunai thau ma question paper saper nai leak seak, kunai thau ma guard saurd haroo lay nai 'guide book' diney rey... yestai ho... 40 barsa agaadi pani yestai hoonthyo ... ahiley pani tyestai nai cha! Baburam Dai chahi pawdey-ruh pass bhaako... Kamal Thapa Dai chahi choray ruh... abuh tapai nai bhan-noos... dui jana nai mantri bhaye ... hahaha!

400,000+ students are sitting for them SLC exams.... 40% will fail sail... ani fail bhaye-ruh kay bho tuh ... feri try garney ni... look at our so-called leaders... euta prime-monster chaan-naw tuh kati try kati try.. hahah!

Sheryl Swoopes is 40 today.... Happy B'day SS... who? Hahah... I used to be them WNBA fan many years ago and she was the bomb... myaan!

Ani... since '4' is the number of the day .. I will probably eat 4 plates of vyar vyar mo:mo @ 4:44pm ... hahah!.. taw-ruh Chinese, Korean, Japani (CKJ) culture sulture ma chahi feri '4' is very very unlucky number ni feri!

If you ever hang out with them CKJ-wallahs then never mention this number hai... feri babaal hola ni! Jay hos... kehi chaina .. abuh 4 barsa ma hamro udhyog-pati, udhyog ruh majdoor haroo lay nikkai pragati garla jasto cha hai... ki 4 barsa pachi sabai swa-haa hoonay ho... hahah!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

What's your GDP?

Nepal's GDP per capita ... $642 rey .. abuh kay... should we congratulate ourselves or thank our netas for them strikes, extortion, land grabbing, rookh-kaating and what not.... for making our lives miserable... baroo sabai miley ruh kaam garya bhaye $1,000 tuh kaat-thyo hola ni!

Ani GNP per capita tuh $200+ tuh hola ni.... yestai ho... Bhutan lay pani jitcha.. at least football ma tuh haam ley jityo ni!

We have to thank our comrades... if it weren't for them .. we wouldn't be a Republic or 'Rip-off-the-Public' ni! Raja ko paala ma panchey lay khayo.. Girija ko pala ma Kangaroos lay lootyo ... abuh yo gana-tantra ma sabai chor haroo milay ruh khaney ho kya!

We should also thank our Maoists for inspiring millions of Nepalis to go to them foreign lands... so that our Maoists, Morons (aroo chor haroo!) and Madhesi netas can enjoy the loot in our own land sand!

Hamra migrant workers haroo ko paisa lay tuh desh baachi raacha ni... tyo 20-30 wata factory lay tuh desh dhaani raah hoinuh hola? Baroo trade unions haroo chahi baachi raachan hai and our sahujis buy new SUVs every year but don't have enough to pay them workers kya!

Abuh minimum wage Rs 6,100.00 ... lau hai badhai cha... hamro neta haroo pani tyeti paisa ma nai survive gar-naw sikay hoon-thyo ni!

And our so-called government has declared them 'energy' crisis rey.. hahah.. what's new? Thank God.. they didn't promise us 80,000 MW batti in the next 10 years or something like that! 30% of them batti satti tuh chor-cha.. ani kinnuh naw-hos tuh load shedding ni!

It's not that we don't have own own investors who are willing to take the risk... but our netas and civil servants lai paisa khaana matrai aucha ni... yeso baroo saag-paat kha-noo ni baroo! Yo 'energy crisis' will last four years rey... haha NEA will be broke by three.. so just get your solar tuki-suki ready and maybe we will get billions for them carbon credit natak satak ni!

Hami sanguh bhaako paisa pani inverter, generator kee-nay-ruh sabai jaana taat palti sakyo! If them EU, Amriki, Chinese, Indians and aliens... really want to help us then don't give us them hawa-taari aid said kya... baroo sabai ghar ma 'solar polar' raakh-dinoos.. aroo kaam haami aafai gari haal-choom ni! Constitution goli maaro.. all we want is some batti satti kya!

Warren Buffett is hanging out in India... how come nobody invited him to Nepal kya... baroo next tyam chahi ... geet seet, dance sance bhanda pani Buffet, Bill Clinton haroo lai bolaam nuh.. uni haroo ko guff pani soo-noom nuh!

Once upon a tyam in Amrika... I had them Brkb shares (Berkshire Hathaway)... I should have framed it... sold it for a $500 profit per share... tyo pani sabai Double Whopper khaa-yeruh sakiyo... hahah! I miss them burgers... large fries and XXL drink srink hehe!

Buffett can teach our stock-wallahs and bankers and byapaaris ... how to invest sin-vest ... hola and Billy dai can teach us ... how to multi-task .. like eat pizza, smoke a cigar and mentor an intern simultaneously.. hahaha.. No... baroo Russell Peters lai nai liye-ruh aunoo parla hai!

And thank you NEA... load shedding ali ghatya jasto cha hai.... ye.. SLC po soo-roo bhaye cha ni! Good luck to all our SLC-wallahs... and hope someday .... you won't have to go to bidesh sidesh for them higher studies ... afnai desh ma sasto, ramro education seducation paa-wos... khoi kailey ho... tyo din auney?

Actress Elizabeth Taylor is dead ... baroo Girija Bajey ko moorti soorti bhanda .. Taylor Baw-jai ko thulo (Statue of Liberty jaw-ttro) moorti kunai park sark ma banau hai.... baroo kehi naw-bhaye pani 1-2 million asian tourists haroo ko bhid tuh laagcha .. hahah!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Land of the Fraud....

Well.. Rubel sarkar is not hiding behind Sujata auntie's saari waari rey.... he was in Chitwan to give his safai @ the DAO (District Administration Office) and then it was Paras dai ko turn rey.... I think Rubel must have called his people to call Paras Dai ko people and coordinate their 'appearance schedule' hola ni!

It's like.. when our President visits them Pashupatinath Temple and an hour later Gyanu uncle will do his 'special appearance' ... everything is about timing.. hoinuh ruh? I guess our so-called leaders just don't get this timing thing right hola ... they don't know when to leave... at least Gyanu Uncle got his timing right ... when he finally left the Narayanhiti Palace ni!

And talking about Narayanhiti Palace.. the place is getting trashed left and right... I think it would be better if we moved our 'national zoo' to Narayanhiti ... and maybe leave them animals out and put them 'great' litterers inside them cages sages ni! Sabai 'Real Juice' , chips sips ko khol sole sabai faaldai hidchan vitra tuh.. kay taal ko ho?

And let's continue with Rubel ... he saw them gun sun in Paras Dai ko haat ma but he didn't witness the firing siring rey... abuh kay ho .. sabai 'House of Shah' ko bandook 'accidental discharge' hoonay hola ni!

We don't really need to go around town looking for them chor sor, scam artists haroo ... when our CA members are minting money by doing a 'cut & paste' on their 'Diplomatic' passport sassport! So.. if you want to visit them civilized nations then just pay them dalals 15-20 lakhs and they will give you a 'Red' passport. Stick your 'fair and hensum or lovely' anoohar and fly to the promised land sand kya!

Ani... once you are there... just FedEx that thing home so the CA member can have his or her passport back and 10-15 lakh sakh in the bank ni! Ali Ali tuh dalal lai pani commission dinoo paryo ni hoinuh? Kasto laaz naw-bhaako... afnai desh ko bay-zawt garcha yaar! Tyestai ho.. maukka ma chaukka han-oom bhanya holan tuh!

And now .... the folks who brought you Bryan Adams ... are happy to announce that Kailash Kher will be their second act sact! Okay... but please don't invite our Nepali singers and make them sit on them chiso cementi and then cancel their gana sana half-way through.. kya!

Errr.. sorry.. I thought it was going to take place @ our national stadium... Soaltee Hotel ma po rahecha.. you pay 5K and you get to have them dinner sinner and listen to Kailash rey! I think I will just go to Tamas and listen to our 'Nepali' Kailash Kher and maybe save some money.. heheh!

I think .. baroo Rs 500 garey-raw feri Rangasaala bhar-ney ki? Ani you don't need them khatara sound-system or security for Kailesh ni... just get a stool and some guitar sitar.. baro 'unplugged' bhaney-raw show garey hooncha ni.. heheh!

I think the event-wallahs can do us all a favor by inviting them Chinese circus folks next... I hear they are amazing .. and we all have to practice them balancing act kya... be like out netas ni! A little bit of Chinese , a little bit of Indian and add some 'kuirey' ... bhaako ali ali paisa pani abuh bideshi lay laaney bhayo!

Ganesh Thapa, ANFA President is very happy sappy rey! Gorkha Brewery will give ANFA 1 crore a year rey .. lau badhai cha.. now them ANFA officials can party sarty! National league seague hoonay hoinuh .. yetti kai paisa kumlaa-chan... and I hope our footballers will receive them free cases of Gorkha Beer seer hola ni.. and they can go back to kung-fu fighting again.. hahah!

The PLA Chief (not ours.. them Chinese kya!) will be here... aajuh rey! Since our netas can't agree on them integration sin-tegration stuff.. and thousands of young men join them Indian Army sarmy... it wouldn't be that bad if we send our PLA combatants to China and maybe they can form their own separate unit ki kay ho.. over there ni!

They will probably learn how to use them chopsticks, speak Mandarin and also learn some kung-fu as well! I have no idea what I am trying to get at... but every tyam them Chinese visit Kathmandu .... our Desis get all nervous kya! Rakesh Sood... have some chicken fly-lice and do some tai-chi .. myan!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sick City....

Nepal Police gets OT (over-tyam) bhatta from them Chinese Embassy kyaaruh! Every tyam... them Tibetans protest srotest ... our men in blue are there in full force! We should ask our police (chor) to stop laathi-charging them monks and protestors! It doesn't look good kya... Richard Gere might not visit Kathmandu again and we lose them 'kuire tourists' rey...

Jhallu Baba may not bag the 'greatest' prime-monster ever award saw-ward ... but he can do us all a favor if he brings them new regulation segulation 'police reform' see-form natak.... we are not asking for much... but why are our police-wallah treating us like shit and always using them foul languages... yeti maatrai reform garey pani Jhallu will win our hearts kya!

And isn't it funny... we the taxpayers foot their salaries and all we get is ... them gaalis, laathis and hafta-asoolis... from our great police-wallahs? It's about tyam... them EU folks pump some more Euros to our so-called 'peace-building' nataks and maybe teach our police-chors .. how to treat us like human beings instead of calling us names and only looking for ways to extort from folks who go to them police stations for some help selp kya!

And our great chimeki, the dumpling gang will be happy if we just trouble them Tibetan refugees. Everybody gets paid.. from our police-wallahs to Home ministry hakims to Foreign ministry... sabai lay bhatta paucha ni! I guess them Chinese arses are softer (ani more kiss-able!) than Desis hola ni.. hahah!

His Holiness Dalai Lama no longer wants to be the 'political guru' rey... so now the Tibetans are voting for their new government-in-exile.. .and (no!) thanks to our Nepal police.. they couldn't vote sote.. due to pro-active policing (I have no idea what that means but hamro Nepal police lay bhaneko!), tight security and khoi kay kay hawa-taari nataks from our great police force!

And our netas ... may fight sight with each other but they always kiss them Chinese arses and boast about how they prevent them Tibetans ... from using the country's soil against its chimekis! I guess. that guy , Hrithik Roshan wishes he was Chinese hola ni.. hahah!

And where in the world .. is Rubel Choudhary? Former Crown Prince, Paras Dai is pissed at them security folks rey.... he is not happy that he gets no 'free security' from them NA, APF and police-chors... harey.. Paras Dai... abuh kay fokatey ko security ni.. you have the dough to have your own 'armed' personnel ... baroo 100+ personal guards liyeruh ghoomay bhayee halyo ni!

Anyways.. Rubel, the current Crown Prince.. hahah.. is beyond hamro police ko reach seach rey... ho ruh? Paras Dai will probably get his bail money back because Rubel is hiding somewhere rey! Is he in Bangladesh , London ... ki Sujata auntie ko ghar vitrai 'poker soker' kheli raah hola ni?

Our police-wallahs brag about how they are stopping Tibetan refugees from creating trouble srouble in our land ... but I guess they have no problem when it comes to Bangladeshi crooks making billions and stealing from us hola ni..... yestai ho .. jasko shakti uskai bhakti!

I guess them 'English'-wallahs are teaching us a thing or two. We hired a 'British' football coach to teach our national team ... how to play them football sootball.. and now we have another 'British' guy teaching us how to make them movies kya!

Yes, 'Sick City' is out and it's only 75 minutes but it's a different kind of feelim rey! No gaana saana rey! Lau hai... heard a lot about 'Batch No. 16' ... hope they get their 1.15 crores ko investment back.. and I will be going to them film hall sall to watch 'Sick City' ... hope our film-wallahs will learn a thing or two from the kuireys!

What is.....? That you can make a movie for peanuts... and make sure you hire a kuirey because then you can get away with a lot of things... hahah... I hear 'Goodbye Kathmandu' ko folks got into trouble ... no ... not that 'pistol' kaan-daw in Thamel... but everywhere they go .. for them shooting... local goondas just come and ask for donations rey!

But.. we have to give it up for the kuirey.. and hope our so-called 'new generation' ko film-makers haroo learn a thing or two from him... kya! You make movies because you want to tell a story... your eestyle ni! And stop making them excuses... and blame them producers and what not... if you can't tell your story then don't sell out ni... baroo sell your farm, house souse and make your story... and even if you die broke.. you will be happy sappy kya!

Hahah.... no .... everybody is bragging about their film silm... wah kasto raamro kicheko .. kasto ramro background music.. who gives a @#$!... dude or dude-ni .. where is your @#$!ing story... kya? ... Batch No. 16 .. hehe... angrezi kinuh bolnay ... and abuh kohi daakoo paye-naw.. Mexican Don Nepal ma kay khanoo auney ni... burrito surrito.. hahah!

Nepali feelim ko title sitle pani kay kay hooncha.. euta hall ma 'Mr. Gangato' (Crab) laagi raacha.. hahah! Abuh koon din.. Mr. Kukhura, Mr. Chey-paaro pani laagcha hola ni!

Next tyam... feelim banau-noo paryo bhaney ... just get like 2-3 kuires and let them do the dealing sealing... paisa pani dinoo paradaina.. baroo ulto local goonda haroo pani feelim seelim ma acting pani gari-dinchan ni! Jay bhaye pani... do we need a kuire to teach us how to tell a story, play football or even ... how to run this country?

Khoi.. ahiley samma tuh .. it looks like it... hope someday ... we will have our own stories to tell, play our own kind of football and our leaders will get their act together and run this country .. Nepali eestyle .. instead of running to foreign lands and asking them bideshis for help selp!

Monday, March 21, 2011


We have a new football coach, some British guy ... who gets paid $5,000 per month and 500 more for bhatta-satta rey! And it looks like... our football team will have to either drink tons of 'Red Bull' or start doing ballet.. if they really want to work as a team seam ni!

Ki coordination milcha hola .. ki everyone will be hyper and just shoot at them post sost.. ani kaso 100 choti ma ek dui choti goal naw-hola.. hehe?

Our national team played against Bhutan .. and won both them matches but it wasn't easy kyaaruh! C'mon... we can't even thrash Bhutan... yestai taal ley aroo sang-aw kay khelney?

And we are Nepalis... if we drink (raksi saksi) .. we have two options kyaaruh .. throw up and sleep on the street or wake up and start kung-fu fighting! And our footballers did just that... in Pokhara! Maybe they were just too happy to beat Bhutan hola ni!

And instead of fighting with the other team, referees (that's what our footballers are good at!) or ANFA officials.. our great footballers were punching each other and probably preparing for the next 'mixed martial arts' fight sight hola ni!

I hope our British coach will make sure that them national players will be in their rooms by 10 and lights off by 11pm kya! So ... next tyam don't let the boys go out because we are Nepalis and if we stay out after 10pm... then there will be 'Trouble in Little Lakeside' .. heheh!

And I hope the 'Angrez' will teach our boys some 'English' football tips and tricks kya.. which is ... always screw up ... like the English team does during them World Cup kyaaruh.. hahah!

Dr. Saheb aka BRB can now be our official 'domestic tourism' ambassador .. maybe NTB (Nepal Tourism Board) will organize a ceremony and do some fool-maala karyakaram tomorrow! Yes, BRB has now ... visited all them 75 districts rey... congratulations Doc!

BRB wasn't going around taking them pictures and learning new 'dohori songs' or new dance routines etiyaadai ... he was all over the place venting his frustration @ them 'Neo-Mandaleys' rey... hahah.. .... mandalyes were big then... them hooligans from the Panchey days... and now Prachandey dai ko chamcha haroo lai BRB dai lay Mandaley bhanchan heheh!

I think that should be the criteria to be a 'Home Minister' ... if you want 'Home' .. then you will be eligible only if you have visited all them places ni... so that you know what's going on .. hoinuh ruh?

And we should remind our 'Home' Ministers that.. Thamel is not Nepal and closing down them places after 12 ... is against the UN ko 'Right to Party' declaration ki kay bhancha ni.. hahah! And our so-called police (chor) should be deployed all around the city... 24 x7 instead of only during 'Holi' or whenever Bryan Adams is in town kya.. heheh!

Let's get back to the 'So You Wanna be a Home-Mantri' guff... and no.. them chopper rides don't count.. you have to ... at least walk to each district headquarters and say your two words (dui sabda) and get your papers stamped by the oldest person in the district .... so if the #1 senior citizen lives like 7 hours away from the district headquarters then you better get your arse off them koorchi and start walking hombre!

Talking about them 'two words'... wouldn't it be fun if our netas just said exactly two words instead of going on and on and wasting our tyam syam .. in them so-called 'udghatan karyakarams'?

First, please arrive on tyam... if the program schedule says 10:00am then don't wake up at 10 and then brush your teeth, do your yoga and read them papers and then arrive at the scene at 12 kya!

Second, just take your seat .. don't expect us to welcome you and then request you to place your 'humble' arse on them sofa kya! You are not humble and you should be more worried about them 'sambhidaan' than attending fokatey ko programs ni!

Ani.. lastuh ma if you are asked to give your 'two words' ... then don't go on a rant for the next two hours.. because you arrived late and we are tired and really more excited to go back home than listen to your fokatey ko bhaa-shun .. so if you must say them 'dui sabda' then just say .. 'Thank You' ... hahah.. and leave!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Is There Anybody Out There?

Looks like our justices are busy working unlike our civil servants and them netas... UML CA member, Mr. Dol Bahadur Karki will have to eat Jail ko dal bhat for six months rey! He was arrested last year for accepting Rs 100,000.00 from some bloke who wanted to be a police inspector!

I hope Dol will be sent to Bhadra-Gol Jail ... ani news ko headlines ma 'Dol in Gol' bhaney-ruh pawd-nuh paucha ni! Wagle must be busy telling his 'gau khaney katha' @ Dilli Bazar ko jail ... he might even inspire them inmates to get into politics or he can learn a thing or two from our chors on how to use them netas to get out of jail sail! Oops... he was a neta once kyaaruh.. haha!

So I guess Wagle will just have to spend them tyam syam writing his autobiography hola ni.... "They got away .. but I didn't or couldn't or why me... Lord?" khoi title chahi abuh maybe them Fine Print wallah (book publisher) will help him figure it out hola ni!

And according to my sources, Surya B. Thapa , our Prime-Monster from the Pancheys to Pacheys II samma.. hahah is working on his bio sio rey and yes... Jagadamba will publish this one.. abuh khoi kahiley auney ho bazaar ma.. hope it's not like Mark Twain ko jastai... 100 years pachi .. hahah!

The Supreme Court has ordered PADT (Pashupati Area Development Trust) to let other ethnic and religious groups to bury their dead in them forest near Pashupati until them final verdict serdict rey!

I hope PADT will not create another natak again or maybe they just want some dough from the Christians and the Kirantis.... thank God... our Supreme Court is in action ... because our civil servants and netas are only good at 'I will look into it' nataks and leave us with no solutions to them problems!

It's about tyam them Hindu fundamentalists realize and also acknowledge that religious freedom is a basic human right and not everyone prays to the Shiva ko thing, reads Swasthani and wear them tikas ni! But what do you expect from communists who are busy visiting temples and doing pujas to pray to them Gods so that they can hold onto them koorchis ?

Prachandey Dai was busy doing Yoga with Ram Dev baba... Makune was visiting all them tantric-gurus and Jhallu Baba even did a puja suja when he moved to Baluwatar kyaaruh! Nothing wrong with that.. but myan.. you guys are supposed to be communists kya! Baroo .. wake up every day and pray to Marx or Lenin or Stalin or Mao or all them crazy wackos ni!

While our airlines and them so-called local leaders fight over them 'bhaada' in them rural areas ... a pregnant lady dies waiting for help ... now whom do we blame? Well, blame the poor for they have no one to run for help and nobody will listen to their cries ... private airlines are there to make money and either our so-called netas should build roads in them gau sau or subsidize the cost of ferrying the sick to them city hospitals!

Our tourism mantri acts like he has done them villagers a favor by rolling back them air fare hike sike .. them local netas will take credit pani... but them villagers can't afford them helicopters or plane slane.. every tyam someone is sick... they will either have to take out loans just to be able to afford them plane tickets!

Every year, the government hands out them funds to the District Development Committee kyaaruh and instead of building them road soad, health posts and what not ... our so-called local level leaders sit down together @ them CDO ko office and share the loot .... and it doesn't matter if our media publishes them stories every day ... nobody cares... and we can't always wait for the Supreme Court to take action against the corrupt ... can we?

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Happy Holi.....

Back then... Holi used to be fun... Kathmandu ma dhaa-ra ma paani pani au-thyo ani ki chahi balteen ki balloon salloon ma paani bhaw-rey-ruh afnai tole baasi sangaw Holi Soli khel-in-thyo!

Nowadays... plastic bags filled with fohor paani, mobil sobil , dhoonga soonga raakhey-ruh lola haanchan kyaaruh! It took us 60 years to be a Republic hola ... but along the way .. we have lost our civility we-bility pani kyaaruh?

'Civilian Supremacy' ko naara tuh Maobadi lay khoob fookya-thyo ... abuh I hope our "People's Volunteers" will be walking around them tole sole and do some kar-wai if they see some jackasses playing Holi .. the way it is not supposed to be celebrated!

I think them Terai folks do the 'Holi' thing the right way hola! No lolas ... only colors and bhaang saang and dancing to them 'Amitabh' hits sits hahah!

And talking about our Madeshi leaders... our dailies report that all them Terai netas have their own FM stations, newspapers and what not rey... kay ho sabai Madeshi neta haroo abuh Madeshi media tycoon shy-coon banney dhoon ma ho ki kya ho?

And by the way... abuh 'Miss Terai' pani hoodai-cha kyaaruh... lau hai ... abuh 'Miss Pahad' pani hooncha ki... baroo sabai Misses haroo ko winners batuh nai Miss Nepal select garney ho ki?

The last tyam ... I participated in them 'Holi' balloon fight -sight was back when I was 14 ... and some 'crazy' guy chased me with a butcher's knife because I refused to get my face painted with funny colors kyaaruh!

Ani .. 2 barsa agaadi ... I thanked him for his 'attempted murder' natak by giving him a 50K loan (rupees maa!) and he took the money soney, paid them manpower agencies and flew (or fled!) to Norway. He is now busy minting money making them Norwegian cake sake in some bakery rey!

After a year ... I got his 'Norway' number and called him for ... like a month.. he was like .. 'bhai.. muh bholi nai paisa pathai-dinchoo!' .. abuh bholi bholi bhanda bhan-dai .. .Holi nai ayee-sakey cha.. haha!

And now whenever I call.. he acts like there is them bad reception or he has them ear infection sin-fection ... hahah!

Anyways.. .wishing all of you a very Happy Holi Soli.. have fun.. I will just stay home and read some book sook... because I don't want to play with them colors solors and then find out that ghar ko paani tankie ma no water... then I will have to go to work the next day... like I am some 'Grateful Dead' ko fan san (well... I am but..) .. hahah!

Friday, March 18, 2011

No Country for Old Men....

Our netas need to get some fresh air now and then rey ... and every tyam they get a chance pe dance... they fly to them foreign lands!

Our great Madeshi leaders are now hanging out in New Delhi because they want some 'Desi' chaat saat hola ni! Hope they get some 'samosas' @ 10 Janpath.. hahah... feri Sonia auntie lay 'pasta sasta' dey-laan ni!

We have to thank our great netas for chasing away our youth to them foreign lands while them bideshi universities, contractors and aroo dalals make billions ... ani yee mora mori haroo chahi tourist bhaye-raw ghoomi raa-chan!

Hami chahi loan soan, ghar shar bechey-raw jaaney yee-ni haroo chahi 'Diplomatic' passport hallau-dai ghoom-fir garney, waa kya mazza!

Hamro future tuh Girija Babu lay khattam garyo, hamro bhai bahini haroo ko chahi Prachandoo lay khattam garyo abuh hamro bhanja bhaanji ko bha-bee-sya chahi kaslay khattam paarney ho?

The Desis seem to love them 'M&Ms' kyaaruh... 1951 dekhi ahiley samma.. they seem to be in bed with everyone... from monarchy to morons (congressi) to maobadi to madeshi leaders... sabai lai joker banau cha hai pan-wallah haroo lay!

And our great Chairman Pao (Pra Chan Da) is eating them durians in Singapore! Abuh kaslai bhet-naw gaako go koon-ni? Feri tyehi usual 'dumpling' gang lai tuh hola ni ... ki both dumpling ruh dosa khaaney dau ma ho?

Baroo ... Chairman Pao should walk around, take them MRT .. instead of sitting down with them 'foreign' wallahs @ them hotel rooms kya! Go ... met Lee Kuan Yew and learn a thing or two about them 'caning' stuff ani fine sine haroo ko baarey... and how to make your sons 'Brigadier Generals' ani pachi prime-monster ruh aroo 'thulo' post sost maa .. hahah!

Yetti kai chora lai computer operator bana-yeruh hooncha, baroo PLA ko Commander banaako bhaye pachi kaam laag-thyo ki?

And talking about 'caning' ... we should put this in our new constitution... 'tyre-burning jackasses and extortion racket-wallahs, kidnappers, murderers, cheli-beti bechney, goonda-gardi ruh loot-paat garney, andolan ko bela ma pole sole dhaal-ney, bato ghato bigarney, dhoonga mooda garney sabai lai 100 choti cane sane haanney...'

Ani protest srotest garda baroo BBQ garney, dance party garney ruh ramailo joke soke bhanney lai chahi .. 100 choti taali .. hahah!

Kishunji promised us that .. Nepal lai Singapore banai dinchoo... abuh he is gone.. so Chairman Pao ... baroo yeso ghoom-noos ani siknoos... how one man can change his country sountry bhaney ruh! Nepal lai North Korea naw-banaam feri tapai ko naam pani Pao baatuh Pim(p) rakhnoo parla hehe!

Ani hami Nepali haroo ko kati fursat ho? Cricket pani hare-naw bhya-ko cha, ani sabai internet hoaxes, junk e-mails pani pawdya cha... a good friend of mine called me ... ek mahina agaadi ko koora ho... 'Ye, facebook tuh abuh March 15 dekhi tuh bandha rey...'

Abuh kasari samjhau uslai.. baro Nepal Bandha hola taruh facebook kahiley pani bandha hoodai-nuh! Marky mark is worth billions (dollar ma!) and unless he joined them Ramdev baba ko group sroup.. he wouldn't close down shop and leave ni... that's like saying .. Chairman Pao is resigning and leaving for some forest sorest to be a jogi.. he's worth billions (Rupees ma bhaye pani.. hehe!)

I have no idea what I am trying to say but... was going back home from office saw-fish .. ani Micro ma euta auntie was like.... 'Ye, ani chora chori lai tuition naw-pathau-noo.. 24 ghanta samma ghar ma basnoo parcha rey..'

Rajnikanth (ki usko copycat ho!) asked.. 'Didi, kay bhayo baccha haroo ... biraami?'

'Hoinuh .. tyo nuclear suclear kay bhaacha ni ... paani purr-naw lagyo abuh tyo Nepal ma pani aucha rey kya'

How come.. I am the last person to read or hear about 'jpt' news? I should start watching more TV, listen to them radio stations, re-activate my facebook account and hang out more often @ them local chiya pasal ... I miss them 'guffs'... hehe!

Let us pray for our brothers and sisters in Japan and hope everything will be okay but Japani haroo afno desh choderuh tuh gaako chaina ni... ani Kathmandu baasi haroo chahi kay bhaako?

But if we are lucky bhanney ki unlucky... to witness them Indo-Pak nuclear war someday... then we better run not for them hills sills baroo... just climb Mt. Everest... heard from a local jogi that if you are on top of Mt. Everest.. tyo nuclear radiation afaai freeze sreeze hooncha rey..!

Ani we have to give it up for our President of 'Rip-off-the-public' of Nepal ... no more tinted glass-slass in his vehicles rey.. he would like to wave at them pissed-off jantas while they play 'freeze' ... when his entourage is cruising around Kathmandu during them rush hour-sour rey ..

Lau have a good friday... bholi Holi ho... hope our 'People's Volunteers' do some kaar-wai when them jackasses hit our naaris with them lolas.. baroo afoo afoo khel-noo ni... neta haroo jastai aroo lai maatruh dookhaw diney kaam garchan hamra jackasses haroo!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Big Business...

Finally, our Supreme Court has decided to convict Mr. Wagle, former minister for ghoos-khaa-ing rey! Nepal ko kanoon yestai ho... it took 8 years for our great judges to figure out that Chiranjibi Wagle is a ghoos-khori!

I feel sorry for Wagle (ki duniya!) ... Govinda Raj Joshi, the #1 ghoos-khori and Khum Bahadur Khadka (both former home ministers!) and them other Congressi clowns were given clean chit shit kyaaruh! And what about them Shree Tin, Shree Paanch, mandaleys and so-called democracy-wallahs ni?

I guess Wagle should have asked his PA to do them dealings ni... instead of buying up properties and what not in his son's name! Baroo afnai driver srvier ko naam ma jagga kiney hoon-thyo ki? He should learn from Khum Bahadur... how to steal and get away with it bhaney-ruh!

Sujata Koirala made billions and she is still driving around town, drinking and dancing with her Marwari boyfriend! Good for her... she is the only person living the 'Nepali' dream ... hola ni! If it weren't for GP, she would still be in Germany, dancing and drinking @ them Oktoberfest hola... haha!

Yestai taal ho bhaney.. maybe Sujata auntie and our other so-called great leaders will finally be convicted in 2020 hola! Khoi... Wagle is a small crook compared to all them other clowns ... jastai ... he's a paket-maar kya!

And according to my sources, the Maoists want their manchey to be the next Chief of CIAA (Commission for the Investigation of Abuse of Authority ) ani Khum Bahadur Khadka lai kar-wai garney rey! Khum-ey is the same guy who ran away to India when his goons killed them comrades during them CA election kyaaruh!

And the Maoist would love to whack Khumey but since they are no longer in them jungle sungle.. they want to go the 'legal' way rey kya!

Our netas and civil servants wouldn't get richer if it weren't for our big business houses ni! Amrika ma .. political contribution etiyaadi hooncha... Nepal ma chahi... siddhai ghoos lay chalcha ni! Haatti ruh Haatti Chaap Chappal bhanya jastai ho ... hehe!

I hope someday... we will have them law saw.. political parties will have to report their income/contributions etiyaati... wait a minute... we do kyaaruh.. but who gives a @#$! eh?

Our tax officials are busy working instead of just drinking them chiya and ghaam-taaping! Hamro sabai big business houses haroo lay VAT SAT chaley-ra kaam gari-raakho po rahecha! Heheh.. nothing new... why the hell are we suprised?

And fake VAT bills lay naw-poogey-ruh .. ulto VAT SAT refund pani rey! Lau hai... sabai mili chor-oom! Our dailies had them story about some funny auditor who made off with like 11 crores ... from the fake VAT refund stuff! This guy needs to be awarded Gorkha Dakshin Bahu 1st class hola!

Oops.. I forgot... we are a Republic now but NRB (Nepal Rastra Bank) has decided that them 'King' notes is okay rey! So... don't worry about going to Rastra Bank with a bora of Rupees to exchange for them new ones! Yes-ma pani hamro 'mafia' lay pressure diye jasto cha .. heheh!

The CIAA asked NRB to do it the 'right' way rey! Tyo bhanya khoi kay ho .. thaha bhaye-naw... patrika ma notice sotice diyeruh , ali tyam syam dinoo parney tuh ho kyaaruh! I think they should also ask our traffic police to do the same for them 'digital' plates... yetti-kai hawa taal ma kar-wai garchan yee mora haroo!

Well, them fake VAT bills haroo ko karobar .. chahi more than 10 billion Rupees rey... and our tax officials are not disclosing them 'naam saam' .... because we have them privacy act sact rey. I didn't know that... this is probably the only country where them chors have privacy hola ni!

And if our tax officials are so gung-ho to do the right thing then they should also start taxing our political parties pani. Sabai big business houses ko donation (extortion!) haroo pani income tax bhaney-raw tax garey hooncha ni!

Abuh yes-ma pani Supreme Court lay kahiley fai-sala garney ho? 2020 ma nai tuh hola ni..... and talking about them weather sweather... don't forget to carry your umbrella tomorrow... because it's going to rain sain rey!

p.s. RIP Nate Dogg... we will miss you more than we will miss our so-called netas when they choke on their ghoos-money and drop dead kyaaruh!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Code of Conduct....

Prachandey dai is busy partying it up with the world's shortest man... Baburam (BRB) dai is going crazy... somebody please give him some Prozac kya! Ani hamro Baidya dai (Rambo) is busy writing them 'code of conduct' for them Maoist mantris rey!

If we were to split into them 22-24 kingdoms then BRB would probably be the next 'King' of Gorkha hola but them Prachandey panel ko comrade haroo want to give BRB a hard tyam ... ani BRB says ... 'Bring it on ... fools' .. (Mr. T ko po yaad ayo!) and he wants to go the 'Bhimsen' way rey!

Tyeti bela ko prime-monster Bhimsen Thapa committed suicide in them jail sail and hamro BRB dai wouldn't mind committing hara-kiri rey! Babu dai .. please don't lose hope kya... and you will be our prime-monster some day... baroo please form your own party sarty.. hami paani saath diu-la ni!

And talking about them 'code of conduct' .... now our Maoist ministers will be barred from appointing their sons as 'computer operators' or '10% agent' rey! So.. that means hamro Krishna Bahadur Mahara should now find someone else to keep track of them NTC ko tender ko commission submission hola ni!

And if Prachandey dai becomes them prime-monster again (kunai din) then I guess... Prakash Dahal will no longer be in-charge of sending emails hola ni! And he won't be able to make deals left and right rey... I think Mohan Baidya is crazy... stop wasting your tyam writing them 'code' sode kya... he also needs another Prozac hola!

I guess them previous 'code of conduct' son-duct didn't work .. the last tyam they were in power back in 2009! And we can bet them 'Raja ko anoohar' bhaako notes .. that it won't work this tyam pani! Well, them 'King' notes haroo pani tuh don't work now rey! You have to go all the way to the Rastra bank to change them note sote rey... janta lai dookhaw diney kaam!

UML and them Madeshi parties don't have their 'code of conduct' ready yet... and they don't need it ... because they are busy looking for deals and making some dough before they are out of power sower ni!

Nepal ma them animals are being fitted with them GPS devices! Tigers and Rhinos pachi abuh vultures haroo ko palo! And our so-called don son haroo lai pani Nepal police lay upahar diye-ka chan kyaaruh! How about fitting all our so-called netas with this GPS stuff.. then we can all log in and watch where they are eating and shitting hola ni!

And the 'People's Volunteers' are ready to rumble now! Abuh tyo 'People's Revolt' lai final countdown soo-roo garey hooncha ki? BRB thinks we either need to get some 'Chinese' or 'Amrikan' support, Baidya thinks he alone can fight India and Prachandey dai just wants to hang out with them 'Raja-baadis' and make some $$$!

Maobaadi ko newspaper 'Janadisha' is out of business rey... and them journalists haven't been paid for the last three months rey! Since our Maoist now have three different trade unions, hope one of them fights for them employees hola ni!

Since Prachandey dai controls all them money soney... he has stopped funding them newspaper rey! Heheh... them Janadisha folks should have been careful ni... instead of only supporting BRB dai.. .they should bring out like a monthly 'Prachandey' calendar ni baroo! Or you can always send them 'comrades' to them business houses and ask for some donation kya!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Cabinet Reshuffle!

Kathmanduites re-shuffle their playlists now and then... and our so-called government chai ... they just add more portfolios to them mantris kya!

Jhallu Baba... our Prime-Monster is busy all day.. trying to make them Maoists, his own party ka chor haroo and them Madeshi leaders happy! Uha ko fursat nai chaina rey! And now he has come up with a new 'idea' ... if you have received one mantra-laya then get one or two... free as well!

Our 'paisa-dey jay maa pani sign gardin-choo' mantri, Krishna Bahadur Mahara will not only be in-charge of them telecom tenders but he also gets them three other portfolios rey! Uha ko under ma abuh ... Law and Justice ... all them cases against them Mao Inc. members will be dismissed hola ni!

Ani he also gets 'Land Reform and Management' .. abuh sabai so-called sukum-baasi lay haw-daw-pey ko jagga ko naam saari garoom hai! Ani... hamra Maobadi cadres haroo lay 'sarkaari' jagga afno naam ma bana-ko baroo ahiley nai bey-choom.. yehi ho maukka!

And he also has to look after 'Health and Population' .. abuh hami lai chod-dim.. baroo them PLA combatants haroo lai chai baroo medical ruh dental chai ramro coverage dim naw hai! If you need them contact lens... don't buy them from the market... Dr. Ruit has cheaper ones kya!

Top (not bottom!) Rayamajhi who was heading them 'Physical Planning' mantra-laya also gets them 'Labour and Transport' natak rey! Lau.. abuh Middle East ma daang doong hoodai-cha .. hamra daju bhai, didi bahini haroo lai Nepal farkau-ney jimma tapai ko! Ani manpower agencies dekhi hamro transport-wallahs haroo baatuh tann-ai hafta uthnay bhayo ni!

Hamro 'Tourism' mantri gets 'Women & Children' portfolio.. baroo yo domestic tourism ma civil servants lai bhanda baroo .. .women and kids haroo lai 50% discount dim naw .. hoodai naw? Aama-samuha lai ... 75% discount hoon-oo parcha bus sus, plane slane chad-da!

Barshaman Dai... gets them 'Youth & Sports' portfolio.. abuh hamro youngesters haroo lai 'Peace & Reconstruction' ma pani involve garnaw milcha ki! Ani.... yo paali chahi ... let us take care of our athletes instead of them officials kya!

Ani tyo bela ko 'Peace Corps' jastai.. hamra yuva haroo lai gau-ghar ma 2-3 mahina volunteer garney plan slan garney ki? College credit sredit pani pau-ney, gau ghar ko geet-seet, dance sance pani siknay, ani yeso help selp pani garney ni.... ki kaso?

I think our 'naari' football team is better than our 'loag-ney' manchey haroo... so increase them budget sudget for women's football ... they will do us proud kya!

And... NOC has increased them fuel prices again... now let's see when our micro-bus wallahs increase their fare sare kya! Mero Lagankhel-Ratnapark ko route ma... Rs 20 ko prediction chaa-do nai hit garla jasto cha hai!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Personal Security Officers....

Our netas and them sarkaari hakims have no shame when it comes to looting the national coffer soffer ...for their personal benefit senefit ni! Our dailies report that more than 3,000 personal security officers have been deployed for them ex-mantris, sarkaari hakims ani thekey-daar ruh byapari haroo lai pani rey!

And when you add them salaries, kay kay bhatta-satta... annual bill sill chahi 40 crores !Wah rey... it's good tyam for our chors ... hami lai chai security chaina ... yee mora haroo chahi hami lay kawr (tax) tirey ko paisa lay moaz masti gardai chan!

It's not that we don't have them law saw .... the law was not made for them 'thulo mancheys' ... it was made for stupid jantas like us kya! Uni haroo lay jay garey pani hooncha kya!

According to them so-called regulations, the state provides them thulo mancheys with them police-wallahs for a certain period of tyam rey! But then ... our netas forget rey... and they keep them government vehicles, guards and what not .. afnai bau ko sampati jastai!

Janta lai bewakoof banau-ney kaam.. hamro agaadi fight sight garya jastai garchan.. vitra vitra tuh sabai miley ruh nai baschan ni! Jati loot-no cha loot-noos... tapai haroo kai khaney bhado ho .. yo 'Nepal' tuh!

Our former home ministers get to keep them security guards for three years! Now let us run through the list cyst.... Govinda Raj Joshi, the ghoos khori #1 from the Congressis still has two security guards rey!

Ani hamro Kamal Thapa dai sangaw pani 2-3 wata guard suard haroo! Aroo ko tuh kay naam liney... when was the last tyam Joshi and Thapa were home ministers?

Let us not forget asti ko home minister, Bhimay Rawal aka 'Rawan' ... gaadi pani pach-kai halyo .. ajhai sarkari gaadi ma private number haaley ruh .. ani police guards haroo pani tuh Sir lay paa-yee halcha ni...

Jo Jo ... yo 10-15 barsa ma home minister bhaye sabai ko ghar ma ahiley pani police-wallah haroo lay paaley ko kaam gardai chan rey! Lau hai... badhai cha... yesari nai ho 'Naya' Nepal ko bikash garney!

Let us not only blame our home ministers, even them ex-ministers ruh retired bhayee sakey-ka sarkaari hakim haroo lai pani free security paid for by the Nepali Janta! Hoo-da hoo-da... even them Nepal police ko ration thekka-patta garney sahuji ko ghar ma pani police ko guard haroo rey!

Sabi bhanda funny tuh , Congressi ko pala ko mantri dekhi UML hoodai, Gyanu Uncle ko bela ko mantri haroo lai pani security rey! Tyo pani na pugeruh... hamro last Rana pradhan-mantri ko naati lai pani security!

Hoo-naw tuh uslai mantri bhaye-ruh dey-ko holan taruh.. Rana Saa-shun dekhi ahiley ko Hawa Saa-shun ko sabai lai security ho ki kya ho? Yestai ho bhaney baroo Bhimsen Thapa ko khalak dekhi Kalu Pandey ko naati lai pani guard shard diye hooncha ni!

Why the @#$! does Pashupati SJB Rana need them police security? He is married to them 'Desi' Princess... he can afford to hire them personal security guards ni! Khoi... them 'House of Scindias' lay kehi pani diye nah hamro 'Nati General' lai.. biha siha ma? Oxford Socks-ford paw-dey pachi ali buddhi aunoo parney ho ni?

It's not that these assholes can't afford them gaadis and guards! fokatey ma loot-nay baani bhaako haroo lai ... kay ko laaz saaz! Abuh hamro prime-monster haroo nai chor bhaye pachi, aroo lai tuh jhan kay gaali garney?

Sher B. Deuba, Prachandey dai, Makune... thank God GP is dead.. or else he would also be riding them 'Melamchi' ko project ko laagi kiney ko gaadi ni!

Abuh khoi kasley protest straw-test garney ni? Give our '3Gs' back ...bhaney ruh rally sally garnoo parla... 3Gs bhaney ko Gaadi, Guards ruh Ghoos ni!

Abuh gaadi ruh police wallah chai dey-laan.. ghoos shoos tuh kay ko firta ni.. sabai jagga ma invest garya holan.. jagga ko vow khattam cha rey kay aaj kal!

Yestai ho bhaney tuh... maybe we should also be allowed to have one 'Nepal police' ko guard... hami sabai jana ko ghar ma! Baroo usko taw-lob, bhatta hami nai tir-dim la ni! Feri.. moro lay ghar ma nai daaka daal-dyo bhaney arko aah-pawt... haha!

When Obama walks out of the White House... he will get them 2 secret service agents.. tyo pani only for 10 years rey! Hamro desh ma chahi... Kamal Thapa will still get 3 police wallahs till he is 80! And Kamal dai is not even our President sresident.. he is now ... like ... 'Bring back Lord Vishnu or die' movement ko khiladi #1!

And we know Kamal dai will live till 80.. or even 90 because he plays tennis everyday kya And he is them national champion pani.. 55+ haroo ma! I don't know much about Prachandey dai... I think he only reads Mahabharat and plays 'Ludo' hola.. and drinks like 7-8 pegs of them 'Black Label' stuff rey.. khoi uha ko health report chahi tha-ha-bhaye naw hai!

Lau hai.. sabai jana jau Sato-Bato ma... tennis khel-naw ... Kamal dai sangaw .. baroo kehi paryo bhaney uha ko personal security officers haroo cha dai cha ni.. hahah!