Thursday, March 3, 2011

Stop, Wait and Go!

Few days ago... all them taxis in my tole-sole were 'off-duty' kyaaruh! I wanted to grab a cab but everyone was like busy painting them 'number plates'.. and I was like.. what? Them traffic police decided to fine all them 'digital plates' wallah rey and our cabbies were all freaking out!

We Nepalis don't like surprises ... unless our 'Prachandey' dai comes out from the closet and admits ... he is on crack or something like that.. maybe too much 'Yarchagumba' ... my Lord!

Anyways.. it wasn't some anti-taxi crusade or something... bhaye bhar ko sabai 'digital plate' wallah lai kaar-wai garney rey! Taxi-wallha lai tuh asti nai kaar-waai gari halyo ni .. and the taxi-wallahs did their own 'Durbarmarg' bandha kyaaruh!

Kasto desh ho hamro.. people want to do 'bandhs' because they want to fight for their right to 'cheat and loot' ordinary folks.. yehi ho Naya Nepal?

I didn't know there was such thing as a digital plate slate! I thought it was some new 'hi-tech' stuff.. all them LED blinking shit hooncha ni! I was wrong.. digital plate bhanya tyo 'tawl-kinay' plate slate po rahecha!

The traffic police are now getting their shit right hola.. fining them jahaa paye tyehi baato kaatney dekhi .. .jay paye tyehi over-loaded trucks srucks! And according to them 'law saw'... you have to have them 'hand-painted' number plates rey!

Thank God.. our painter-babus are finally back in business hola ni! I still miss them 'banner sanner' kapada ko.. ani hand-painted slogans .. now it's all Flex-Slex maatrai!

So.. our great 'Yatayat' folks waited for them 100,00+ folks to get them 'digital plates' and suddenly they want to do some kaar-waai!

And the funny thing... them 'Blue' wallahs (yes.. them INGOs, foreign embassies and what not!) haroo ko pani dherai jaso 'digital plates' nai rahecha! Traffic Police lai gaaro bhayo rey.. number sumber tip-naw, pawd-naw.. but don't worry.. if you are driving them 'blue-plated' gaadis.. you are safe hola!

Condoms will protect you from STDs rey.. Nepal ma tuh .. if you have a 'blue plate'.. you can get away with murder pani! I have no idea what I am trying to say.. hehe!

Remember.. them US Embassy ko vehicle running someone over .. and getting away with it and there was this 'blue-plate' gaadi ... crashing in a local chiya pasal near 'Sajha' petrol pump and nearly killing a woman.. even the Police were like.. 'can't touch this' ... MC Hammer ko geet khoob soonya hola bajiya haroo lay!

Even when there is them 'Nepal Bandhs' .. them 'blue' gaadis are safe! Even our comrades know that ... they don't mess with them 'Blues' .. hahah!

And talking about them 'Traffic cops.. we should be proud of our 'Thapathali women' .. our traffic-ni haroo .. they are doing a great job! Sometimes.. them taxi and micro-bus wallahs will be cursing and bitching and our 'wonder-women' bitch right back! I love it... and sometimes they kick some arse as well... and they don't take no shit!

We don't need them 'grumpy old men' ruining our country.. let's give them 'Thapathali' women .. a chance to run our country ni baroo! It's about tyam.. abuh tuh... and what do we do with our 'netas' .. well.. since Thapathali will be without them traffic cops.. we will ask.. sorry.. make ... no ... force them to be our new traffic cops ni!

Tyes ma pani feri.. kasley shit-tee (whistle) bajau-nay ma.. fight-sight.. hola ni.. hahah! It will probably take them another 9 months to figure out who will bunk sunk and who will do the 'hard' work bhaney raw.. hahah!

I hope them other police-wallahs learn a thing or two from them women! It's a tough job, dhulo mulo, gaali saali... and they get paid peanuts, no health benefits while our netas run to Delhi or Bangkok whenever they are constipated!

And JICA (them Japanese) should bring our 'Samurai' dai back from Japan. He was the 'man'.. remember the 'Japani' fellow (wearing dhaka-topi and MJ-style gloves!).. he would literally choke them 'baato kaatney wallahs' and once even asked them DIG for his license and our so-called Saheb didn't even carry one rey!

So next tyam, JICA should send us like 1,000 'Samurais' because our traffic police are short on manpower and I hope them Mao Inc. ko new organization will help with them traffic woes ni!

And our ring-roads maa.. it's nearly impossible to get across .. we seriously need them 'overhead' bridges kya.. but desh ko haa-lawt yesto cha.. abuh local elections kahiley hoonay ho? Thank you .. Sher B. Deuba.. you are the greatest 'jackass' ever.. for dissolving them local bodies!

We don't need them Prime-Monster and them mini-sinisters.. we need our Mayors and Mayor-nis and them Ward Chairperson and member sember... because our political parties are busy sharing them 'budget sudget' for local development and we don't even know kasko arse kick sick garney bhaney-raw...!

But no worries.. our comrades will help us with them production, construction and security natak rey! So... I hope I see some 'Red' ones helping them traffic police, constructing overhead bridges and taking care of our bato ghato, street lights (solar please!) and neighborhood security etiyaadi!

Anyways... our 'traffic police' lay tyam chahi extend garya chan rey.. so you have to go back from 'digital' to 'analog' by the end of Falgun... but I think you are safe if you are them 'kuirey capitalists (blue plates) or kumraid communists (nakkali plates)... heheh!

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