Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy 2011!

Bryan Adams is coming to Nepal rey... February 2011 maa! Wow... finally we get to see some 'International Super Star' ko rock concert! At 51, Bryan will be rocking Kathmandu and I hope our own 'Rockstar' Sabin Rai will be the opening act ... jhan nai 'babaal' hooncha ni!

Adams used to be huge when we were 13... and should have been here then ni! Ahiley tuh .. Justin Baby-er ko Jawana ho! I hope Justin will also be coming to Kathmandu .. when he is 51... 2045 AD maa!

Load Shedding now at 74 hours... looking forward to Jan-Feb when it hits 100+ hola.. 2011 ko target chahi at least 140hrs hola per week! Visit Nepal 2011 ma sabai 'Tourist' haroo lai 'Candle-Light' Dinner Sinner and if we were really smart than we would have asked them 'Environment lovers' to sponsor this as well!

How about shutting down them grid srid and have a whole year 'black-out' .. and then claim like 10 billion dollars from them so-called 'carbon credit' sredit thing from them so-called 'civilized' nations ni!

Will Visit Nepal 2011 be a success? We don't know ... we are lucky to be in such a beautiful country and we can't keep on blaming our corrupt, impotent leaders for screwing it up!

It's about time .. we all stand up and say 'No' ... No to these political parties and their chamchas! While the rest of the world is moving forward sorward.. we are heading towards the 'Stone Age'... .and maybe 'Hollywood' will come to Nepal to do a 'The Flintstones 3D' !

And not talking about 'Politics' in Nepal... is like Lady Gaga saying 'I will now perform in a Burkha' or Prachandey saying 'I will just shut up and help to write them constitution' ... heheh!

I have no idea what I am saying... but Nepal ma 'Rajniti' koora ek din pani garey-naw bhaney.. daal bhaat nai rooch-dai-nuh.. hehe!

Talking about our great comrade... Prachandey is now back to his old tricks! Why does he hate Dr. BRB so much? After all .. both are 'Hilly-Billy(s)' ... well.. now they have both turned 'Beverly Hillbillies' but that's a different thing... once you get the power, you get the money and then you get to live like a 'King' ... in Nepal!

If only Oliver Stone had visited Kathmandu then ... he would have given this die-log instead of the 'money, power, women' thing in 'ScarFace' hola ni!

Well, PKD now wants to kick BRB's arse but this is them Communist .. they can't just bitch-slap each other and get it done! They have to send someone to them 'gulag sulag' ... and Prachandu Uncle now wants some 'action saction' against Daaktur Saheb rey!

Why? Because Dr. Saheb spilled them beans rey.. to them media rey! Next tyam, Mao Inc. should only provide 'Gulmi ko Coffee' instead of them beans seans ni! Wrong Joke! And then they can splash each other with some 'hot coffee' instead of always trying to out-do each other!

PKD has the PLA and the party funds! Mohan 'Rambo' Baidya has 'angry hard-core Cummie fundamentalists' whereas Dr. BRB has them 'so-called educated and intellectual class' rey!

As Swami Mick Jagger once said, "You Can't Always Get What You Want" ... so PKD can't have it all.... and he doesn't know what to do no! He's pretty @#$!ed ... innit? And after blaming everybody .. he always comes back to 'Blame BRB" for 'all our (Mao) problems' natak!

The Mao Inc. knows pretty well.. the reason they are now riding them SUVs and their 'District Committee' members buying properties all over Nepal .. is not because of their so-called Bhaa-Shawn or 'guff suff'.... it's only because of them PLA... them looting, shooting and booting really did turn them tables!

And as always, you don't want to piss of them 'Godfather'... the Desis too much! Because if you do ... then Kamal Thapa will be the next PM and Gyanu Uncle will be our President.. hahah!

Every year, inspired by Guru David Letterman Baba... I have my own 'top 10' New Year ko resolution says-who-lotions haroo but this year ... I don't want to repeat them same stuff like...

1. Quit smoking (I have been smoking since 1988 ... professionally chahi 1991 batuh ho!).. and if I don't quit now ... I will probably be ready for some lung-sung transplant by 2020! Taw-ruh tyeti bela samma tuh .. whole body nai transplant gar-naw milcha hola ni!

2. Quit Drinking ... (I am not a jadi-yaa... ).. I only drink ... every tyam there is a 'full moon' kyaaruh.. no .. am not them were-wolf or Vampire shyampire type!

3. Quit Gambling... Failed to beat them 'Amriki joints' ... Rakesh Wadhwa is probably riding a new SUV thanks to me.... and I hate 'Marriage' (game chahi ni feri!)... but I am a 'hawa-taari' Poker Player! I am never good @ them bluffing sluffing!

I think I should follow 'Aristotle' Baba ko 'jay pani moderation' theory baroo!

I can' t promise myself that I will quit this or start that... but I would like to be a good son, a better brother and the best ko pani best husband in da world... (if I can trick or do some toonna-moonna to inspire a lady to marry me.. this coming Mangshir!)... hahah!

Lau tuh.... Wishing you all a Happy Happy New Year! Hope 2011 will be a good year for all of us!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Under the Table...

Mero Euta Saathi Cha ... and he went to them 'Yatayat' to renew his motorcycle ko 'blue-book' ko paisa saisa rey... Nepal Government lai tirnoo parney ... fine sine law-gaa-yeruh ... total NRs 16,470.00!

Hoonuh tuh mero Saathi pani 'one in a million' nai ho! It's been six years and he has not renewed his so-called bike ko kaa-gauge paw-tra! Ani in six years, he has paid them 'Traffic Police' ... Rs 200 there and Rs 300 here rey!

heheh... Nepal ma .. Jantaa nai Bay-oh-Koof bhaye-pachi nai kinuh naw-thug-wos tuh hamro Sarkaari karmachari haroo lay!

Anyways, he went to them 'office' and the guy did them math sath... then the guy just stopped talking and started to finish aroo haroo ko kaam dhaw-ma-dham rey!

Mero saathi tuh confused and angry... afoo line ma basney ani kaam chai aroo haroo ko po pahila saw-kau-ney!

After 5 minutes... them room was empty and our 'official' guy says, 'Ek Chin, sabai ko agaadi tapai lai kinuh bhanney bhaney-ruh!'...

'Tapai ko 16,400 hooncha, taruh tapai manchey hare-da raamro cha jasto cha, tyes karan mailey tapai ko bill nai ghaw-tai-diye!'

Wow... them 'sarkari' officers should instead work for FBI or CIA or our so-called 'spy agencies' ni.. baroo manchey haroo ko profiling garey ruh basey hooncha ni!

And the final bill.. .Nepal Government lai tirnoo parney chahi.... NRs 5,200.00 only and 'Under the Table' bill chahi ... only Rs 2,000 rey!

So what did my 'Saathi' do? Like all law-abiding citizens, he took the easy way out ni! Nepal Government only gets Rs 5,200 instead of 16K.. our sarkaari 'officer' gets 2,000 so that he can take his family out to celebrate 'Naya Barsa 2011' ...

I asked my friend... 'Kinnuh?" ....usko reply.. 'Sabai paisa tee-ray pani kay garney , saaaley chor Nepal Sarkar lay baato ghaato banau-ney hoinuh... tyehi mantri ko gaadi ko maintenance ruh petrol kharcha lai maatruh tuh ho ni?"

Heheh.. I come from a different school... 'Pay Your Taxes' ... yes, hamro sarkar, hakim saheb , neta haroo sabai corrupt sorrupt hola... taruh sabai lay taxes tirnoo parcha ... kinuh bhaney ek din tuh hamro yee 'gora' haroo ko 'foreign aid said' batuh tuh mukta hoo-noo paryo ni!

Then I did my math... sano manchey lay tuh 10,000 Rs tax tir-dai nuh bhaney... hamra so-called 'big corporate houses' haroo lay tuh jhan kati billions of Rupees .. Tax ma chawl-nay hola ni!

Tee-ni haroo ko pani galti chainuh.. .hamro 'Tax Sax' uthau-nay karmachaari haroo nai chor bhaye pachi... kas ko kay laagcha! Jhan 'muh sabai tax' tir-choo bhanyo bhaney.. hamra 'Tax men' haroo lay jhan doo-khaw dinchan rey!

Desh nai ulto-pulto bhaye pachi kasko bau ko kay laagcha.. hoinuh ruh?

So, people.. pay your taxes... kay thaha ek din tuh 'Reform See-form' hola ni.. ani hamro Sarkaari karmaachaari haroo lay chor-nay bato haroo banda hola ni! Nepal ma 'New' Constitution ban-laan ni! .... Kasai lay 'Nepali-leaks' website khol-laan ni!

Sabai... ni nai ni! Lau... Aajuh ko din tapai ko raamro holan ni!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Foreign Invasion!

While our Maoists are busy trying to decide whether to declare 'India' as .. Enemy #1, them Bangladeshis are having fun with this 'VoIP' naatuk!

Every year, our telecoms lose like 100 million + US dollars rey when it comes to them 'illegal VoIP' call by-pass naatuk' rey! ....

And every tyam, there is them so-called major bust... it's them 'Bangladeshis' in the news! Where did the 'Bangla-man' come from?

We have to thank Rubel Choudhary for this hola! But let's not talk about Rubel all the tyam... or else we might have to invade Bangladesh instead of India ... heheh!

And it's not only them Rubel ko goondas making millions of dollars a month .... we have to thank our own NTC and other telecom employees as well... for helping these criminals to make more money than God!

Sorry, God doesn't have a bank account in them Swiss Hwiss Banks ni!

Rakesh Wadhwa is still nowhere to be found. C'mon people... or Nepal Police.. that jackass is hiding in them luxury apartment right next to Laxmi Bank in Baluwatar kya! How come our so-called 'Cyber Crime' Dept. of them Nepal Police not reading my blog slog .. heheh!

And when it comes them Cyber Crime Srime... our Nepal Police now wants all them 'Cyber Cafes' in KTM to maintain them log-books rey .. so that they know who is coming to them 'Cyber Cafes' and watching them 'naughty' websites rey!

Sansaar ma kay kay bhayee-sakyo .. hamro Government chahi still ... 'Old School' ... maybe if our Nepal Police instead maintain a log-book in them Thankot or other so-called access points to the Valley .. then they can stop all them 'illegal arms sarms' and other 'drug srug' from getting into KTM Valley hola ni!

My relatives are now visiting Sikkim and they say 'Wow... Sikkim ko government lay chahi jay hos... tyeha ko Janata ko laagi nikkai paisa kharcha gari-raa-chan hai'...

Maybe our leaders should visit Sikkim instead of attending them 'Climate Change, Save the Tiger or whatever' conferences in them Russia, Cancun or Copenhagen or wherever!

And talking about 'Foreign Invasion' ... India doesn't have to invade us ... they can just close down them borders and that's it.. the War is over!

Bangladesh... well, we still have to cross them Indian border to attack Bangladesh and since the Indian border will be closed.. we either have to dig a tunnel like them 'Drug Mafias' do from Mexico to Amrika... or hire them 'Kuire' para-gliders in Pokhara to drop our armed forces in Dhaka .. hola ni!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Miss Something!

The whole world was celebrating Xmas .. ani hamro KTM ma chahi .. 'Miss College 2010' ... yo beauty pageant haroo pani ek pachi arko.. kay kay ko maatruh garney ho bhanya?

Well, it's big business for them 'modeling sodeling' institutes hola ni!

Them contestants have to pay them application fee, training fee and yeta pani fee oota pani fee .... so that we can all see ... how 'Miss Something' is ... hola!

Abuh tuh, euta website na chaa-hiney bhayo ... yo sabai 'Miss Something' haroo ko listing sisting raakh-naw tuh!

Let us go through the list... mailey soonay ko haroo chahi:

Miss Mongol for Janjaatis... and since them 'upper-caste' folks are left out from this ... then we have 'Miss Aryan' for the BCs .. (Priestly and them 'Warrior' Castes!), what's next? Miss Dalit 2010!

Miss Newa, Miss Tamang, Miss Gurung,... the list goes on an on... sabai jaat ko aah-aafnai beauty seauty contest!

Then we have the 'students' group hola! Miss College, Miss 10+2 , Miss 'SLC' , Miss '8 to 10 Class', 'Miss Teen' , Miss 'Primary' .. Miss Little Newa .. 'Little Miss Sunshine' next hola abuh!

Then we have them, 'Miss Airhostess' ... and someday we will have one for them bankers, doctors, ani koonai din them journalists haroo ko pani garey hooncha ni... lotsa young, beautiful, talented ladies working for them dailies!

Let us not talk about 'Miss Nepal' .. the biggest grand slam prize of the year! Baroo.. ahiley nai next 'Miss Nepal' lai haami sabai ko aagrim subha-kamana!

Ani keta maanchey ko chahi... see-reef 'Mr. Handsome' rey! Kati saaro discrimination .... but not all of us are hensum ni!

So for folks like me... the only 'contest' I think I have like 100-1 odds to win .. is 'Mr. Guffadi'.. hahah!

Guff diney koora... ma tuh haamro Neta haroo lay nai jit-chan kyaaruh! I will probably come last .. tyes ma tuh!

Few years ago... there used to be 'Mrs. this' and 'Mrs. that' ... khoi... jhan '40' is the new '20' bhanchan... I guess them 'Beauty Schools' couldn't make money due to ... ali thow-rai participants hola ni!

I asked one of them 'Miss Little' organizers.. 'So how much do u make from all this natak?'

Her answer was 'we don't do this for money... we do it for them kids, uni haroo ko talent salent, motivation sotivation, blaah bloo blaah!'

And I then asked her... how much is that 'Jewelry swelry' u r wearing.... '5.9 lakhs!'

And the last tyam I saw her, she was wearing nothing... oops! I mean.. she wasn't into them 'soon-chaadi' stuff!

Now, she has new Hoon-dai ko gaadi, Iphone Sai-Phone etiyaadi!

Well, it doesn't matter how u make ur money as long as you don't steal, kill or bill your clients outrageously!

Then I asked her brother about this 'pageant' business! It's them same 'beauty schools' organizing them nataks! Ani euta beauty pageant ma kehi naw-bhaye-pani... 4-5 lakhs tuh net profit rey!

No it's not from them sponsors or ticket sales... it's from them fees sees to train them 'talented' kids, teen-seen, women haroo... lai cat-walk bat-walk sikaau-naw rey!

And now.. our so-called former models or 90s ko 'music video' queens are now into this 'Ko-ree-yo'-graphy business rey!

Yo mahina ma nai 3-4 wata 'cat-walking' school kholi sakyo!

Good luck to all of them.. .organizers, participants and sponsors and our congratulations to all the 'Misses' from them contests.. and hope one day .. we will also have 'Miss Giggles' , 'Miss Know-it-all' , 'Miss Greedy' , 'Miss Everyone' ... and not to discriminate .... have the same thing for Men as well!

Monday, December 27, 2010

No Airlines Corporation (NAC!)

Visit Nepal 2011... is like .. next week ... and looks like our so-called national carrier sarrier will probably be without any planes .. heheh!

When our great leader, the 'Hawaldaar' .. GP Koirala was them Prime-Monster.. Sujata Darling was still a German citizen but then she dumped her hubby and came back to Nepal to help the Nepali people.. not!

She came back so that she could have fun with our taxpayers' money ni! RNAC was doing great and then Sujata came and it's because of her... NAC ko plane slane hara-yo and one day, it will probably be a bus company soon! And maybe just paint 'AIR' in them buses and drive them Air-Buses around Kathmandu ni!

This new scandal ... according to them CIAA chahi... NAC ko Chairman Mr. Kansakar lay ghoos ghayo rey! What the @#$! is this natak?

NAC sent them money soney to Airbus Company .. Europe tiruh... nepali maa bhancha ni 'Baina' dee-nay... kinda security deposit kya for them plane slane!

But his only fault was that he really wanted NAC to have 2-3 new planes so that it could start flying around the world and make some money!

Currently, the NAC is the best airlines in the whole world when it comes to them cancellation stuff! It is rated A+++ heheh!... if you book a flight with NAC , you have 50% chances of not getting to your destination because somewhere somehow, the plane slane will be grounded for no reason!

And then they bring them sheep wheep and do some animal sacrifice stuff and the plane runs fine rey! Maybe them Airbus and Boeing ko engineers should take 'Animal Sacrifice' 101 as well ...when they learn them plane-fixing stuff!

And thanks to our NAC employees, now them 'domestic flights' have been grounded! What a nice way to protest?

And the reason is.. NAC ko 'Malaysia' flight route was khaali and they decided to give it to 'Air Arabia'... for some $$$!

So, now our ordinary citizens in them remote areas are suffering because NAC employees think that 'preventing' NAC ko domestic flights from taking off will make 'Air Arabia' suffer hola ni!

This is how it is .. in our 'New Nepal' ... stop them NOC ko bonus and the fuel delivery will be grounded. Try to reform NTC, NEA and then there will be no 'internet' connection or batti satti!

What am I talking about? We have no batti and 'hawa-taari' ADSL ko internet service ... ahiley pani!

I feel sorry for Chairman Kansakar of them NAC! In Nepal, all them PEs (Public Enterprises!) haroo are playground for our netas and their chamchas!

NAC , instead of flying high... nose-dived thanks to Sujata and her 'Lauda, Dhamija and what not' Scandal!

Now, the CIAA wants them $$$ back from AirBus rey, paako paye nai ho.. International Court ma fight gar-da jahiley pani Nepali Government lay laat bhet-cha!

Them PEs ko Chair-person haroo can't make their own decision... always them political interference and getting pressurized and threatened by our so-called great leaders to employ their cronies!

No wonder, NAC has one (barely functioning) plane and more than 1,800 Employees! And them jaagireys get free tickets every year and that too, for them relatives as well rey!

I hope them NOC ko employees get 'Free Fuel' , NEA ko 'Free Batti Satti' and NTC ko 'Free Super-Fast' internet connection hola ni!

Yestai ho hai... them CIAA pani funny sunny kya... they give them 'clean chits' to them politicians and thulo haakim sahibs while them 'low-level' employees get arrested and jailed for years!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Do you wanna a Passport?

Finally... after all that natak and like everything else in Nepal (Nepali tyam maa!) ... them MRPs are here!

MRP bhaney ko 'Mountain Bike Accessories' hoinuh ni... Machine-Readable Passport rey! Hehehe.. pahila tuh sansar vari ko Immigration lay 'magnifying glass' lay read gawr-thyo ni hoinuh!

Hahah.. hamro ... 'Old' Passport was one of a kind ... probably the only passport (left) in da world.. eestyle eestyle ko handwriting ma lekhey-ko!

Sujata couldn't make much on this deal hola ni but she can thank her son-in-law for making sure that her daughter gets to enjoy her life like Brunei ko Sultan ko daughter... thanks to them VOIP natak and them APC deals!

There are four kinds of MRPs rey!

1. Diplomatic : Our great 601 CA Members haroo lai hola ni... and President Yadav is da first 'thulo' manchey to get them MRP! Our Darling Auntie Sujata is in China now.. probably with her MRP!

2. Official : Yes.. everyone is a Sir and Madam in Nepal... this one's for our Sarkaari kaam-chor wallahs! Our (un)civil Sir-vyants haroo lai!

3. Travel : Ani Passport liyeruh travel naw-garey-kay garney ni? This one's like for .. I have no idea .... Passport nai bhaye pachi kay ko travel document cha-hee-yo ni?

4. Ordinary: And for the rest of us.. them ordinary folks... this is it! Ordinary Passports for 'ordinary' folks like u & me!

Now, let's talk about MRP of them MRP? Whaat? I mean.. the maximum retail price (mrp) is NRs 5,000! Processing tyam is six weeks (+ bandhs, sandhs etc!)

And thanks to our pro-people leaders and them sarkaari folks... everybody will get to visit Kathmandu not once but twice! First u got to apply and then come back after six weeks!

Yes... thanks to Sujata Auntie, all Nepali citizens outside the Valley will get them opportunity to stand in line and get a piece of KTM ko pollution and corruption!

Abuh Sundhaara ko Guest Houses can start promoting 'Visit Kathmandu' Packages .. domestic tourists haroo lai ni! And please throw in a 'free breakfast' as well... I miss them 'Motel Sotel' ko mini-cereal and 'bad' coffee stuff!

But wait... if u r willing to pay more... they have the 'Express Service' stuff as well. For only NRs 10,000.00 .. they promise to give you them MRP in a week! Wow.. that means.. them out-of-towners can now stay for a whole week in Kathmandu!

And why the hell do we need them 1 million foreign tourists.... to make this VNY 2011 a success?

We will probably get 5 million Nepalis in KTM... them hotel sotel, bus , taxi saxi , restoorants sabai pack hoonay bhayo ni abuh tuh!

After all... many years ago.. 'Nepal' was 'Kathmandu' and ... even now .. 'New Nepal' is still Kathmandu .. heheh!

And them 'First' Ordinary MRP was given to our CNN Hero-ni 2010, Anuradha Auntie! Nikkai thulo kaam garechuh hai Makune-y lay!

Tyo bhanda tuh baroo.... bring back our daughters and sisters from them Brothels in India.... I think our Anuradha Didi would be more khoosi if our so-called politicians really did something about this .. than just giving us jhoo-tow ass-wash-on!

Lau tuh... them 'Old' Passport haroo kay garney? Expire naw-bhaye-pani .. MRP nai liye ko Ramro.... abuh 'Ebay' ma bech-naw rakhney ki? .... Ki we can all sell it to Rubel Choudhary and he can then sell it to his people!

50,000 fake (old school) passports were issued rey.. and 99% tuh sabai Rubel lay nai bay-chyo rey..! heheh.. it's good to be ghar-jwai hoinuh ruh? ... esp when ur Saa-shoo is Shoo-jaa-utaaaa!

Indian Army goes Nepali!

India and Nepal share open border sorder rey... and many more!

Even now, majority of them Terai ko Madeshis still marry across the border sorder! And of course our so-called 'blue slue' blooded aristocrats haroo ko pani cheli-beti seti India ko Rajkumar ruh so-called 'Udhyog-pati' sanguh biha siha gari-dinchan!

Hamro former Army Chief , Mr. 'Love' Jung Thapa ko pani chori .... so-called Raja Saja ko choro sanguh Biha gari-diyo kehi barsa agaadi!

But today, we are not talking about them Nepali Army Generals or how much Gen. Pyar Jung Thapa made in them 'weapons seapons' deal in them so-called 'Civil War' days!

The Indian Army Chief was here recently... and as per our so-called 'Mitra-raastruh' tradition, Nepal ko Army Chief gets to become them 'Honorary' General of the Indian Army and vice-versa kyaaruh!

Our former Army Chief... another Thapa, General Dharma Pal Bar Singh Thapa (wow... middle name nai 'PBS' ... got it?) ... is the only General using them 'full sull' facility when you get to be the 'Hon. General' of the Desi Army!

He now lives in Delhi and plays golf and hangs out @ them Army Club Slub rey! Hehehe... at least he gets to hang out with the Delhi ko 'bold & beautiful' and enjoy his retirement days hola ni!' ... it's much better than going to Kasi and staying in some 'Dharamsaala' as in them old days!

And what do they 'Indian Army Chief' get .. them perks serks when you become a 'Honorary General' of the Nepali Army? Probably nothing.. euta Khukuri tuh hola ni!

Anyways, the Indian Army Chief was here to get his 'honorary' stuff and he visited them Indian Pension Camp in Pokhara and yetaa oota rey!

Currently, Indian Army ma ... more than 35,000 Nepali soldiers rey and around 120,000 retired pension-wallahs!

The Army Chief distributed so-called certificates and scooters and what not to them veterans and then gave his speech.... not in Marathi or Tamil or @#$ ... but in Nepali!

He began with 'Ayo Gorkhali' and ended with 'Pashupatinaath lay Kay kay garoon!'

I hope our next Army Chief... when he gets to visit India for his 'honorary gift' will speak in Tamil when he addresses them 'Indian Army' hola ni!

Why not Hindi? Heheh... that's like telling the Amrikans to give the speech in French! Only 'Freedom' Fries ... please!

I think ... a 'Punjabi' song would do more justice hola ni! So.. do expect our next Chief Shaab to do a Bhaangra Saangra after our current Chief retires!

And one more thing... them Indian Army Chief said 'India is ready to give them arms sarms to Nepal if the Nepali government lay request garyo bhaney rey!'.

Hahaha.. Dear General.. .please ... not again! Last tyam .. India gave us them arms sarms was during them 'Civil War' days.. the 'Indian' automatic rifles performed far worse than a guleyli (catapult!)... according to the NA, them rifle haroo 2 minute ma over-heated bhayeruh babaal rey ani kay ko automatic.... jahiley paani jaam saam hoonay rey!

So.. please instead of arms and tanks and what not... give us Rajnikaanth and Raakhi Sawant! Rajni can be our Prime Minister and what about Raakhi?

Her 'item numbers' show will be house-full for the next 5,000 days ... and them opposition ko parties haroo will be busy attending them shows.. that they won't have tyam to protest srotest and bandha sandha ni!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Xmas!

Merry Xmas everyone... didn't realize hamro KTM ma pani sabai janaa lay Xmas chahi babaal manau-nay rahecha! A friend of mine works @ them local hospital .. ani hijo raat vari sabai jadiyaa haroo matra ko bhela rey ER ma tuh!

Xmas is about Christ ko birth ... hoinuh ruh? Taw-raw like in Amrika Samrika .. KTM ma pani Xmas chahi full-blast commercialization teera poogay cha ni!... City Center Mall ma pani thulo Xmas tree and a Skinny Santa! .. .sabai restooraant ma pani Xmas tree!

Abuh Nepal ma Xmas tree ko farming soo-roo garnoo parla ni!

Thamel ma tuh jhan sabai Xmas Eve ko party saarty... Nepali lai kay cha-hi-yo.. jaad , masoo ruh 'Sheela ki Jawani' heheh!

Harek Barsa Xmas Eve, ek jana ko biha ko party tuh parcha nai! Yes Paali pani gaaw-ee-yo... normally I only attend funerals but sometimes... anyways it's the same 'relatives' and their 'mero chori ko pani chori bhayee-sakyo ani timro ni...'

As usual, them wedding party ko khaana is crap! Long time ago, during King 'Something' Malla ko tyam ma chahi .. ghar ma nai party sarty hoon-thyo ani kya mazza... ahiley tuh Party Palace ki ali badi paisa hoonay haroo lay tyee so-called 5 star hotel haroo ma!

Mero biha ma chahi.. siddhai only BBQ and 'costume-party' garnoo parla ni... ki muh Haloween ma nai biha garnoo parla heheh!

Lau, Aajuh tuh Christmas ho... Birth of Christ ... and a festive occasion for all Christians here and all around the world! Let's not talk about my 'future wedding plans' and 'Nepali jaw-dee-ya haroo'...

Wishing all of you and your family... a Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Blawdy Bakwaas Bandh!

KTM fur-kay-ko 4 ghanta pani bhaa-thay-naw.... lau bholi tuh bhanda rey bhanney halla soon-nay sau-bhagya paye!

Bhatey haroo ho... aah-foo aah-foo ladai garchan ani haarney chahi jahiley pani bholi palta tyre baalney, dhoonga haanney ani banda garney!

Tri-Chandra Campus (TC) ma UML and Kangaroos haroo ko fight-sight! Unidentified Moronic Losers haroo lay pittai khaaye-chan!

Hamro Nepal ko sarkaari Campuses haroo ma.. the geeks are them so-called 'Student Leaders!' and they hire local goondas for fighting-sighting!

I still remember them days when my friends did all the daang doong they could to elect Gagan Thapa, our so-called 'future' leader of Nepal!

I understand that he is the only 'young' guy out there but folks, please don't have high hopes... feri tyehi ho .. last ma gaye-ruh yeeni haroo sabai eutai hoon!

Gagan Thapa might be a nice guy and may need some hair-sair transplant soon but usko pani track-record pani kay raamro cha!

When he was them 'Student Leader' @ TC many years ago... he made some money soney on the side by helping his fellow chamchas get some 'Japani' Visa! But what happened to them daang-doongey folks... well, they are still into them 'fight for hire' programs!

Last ma gaye-ruh ... dimaag nai ho ni! Neta haroo batho chan, goonda haroo laato chan! You may be a Mike Tyson ko bau taruh Don King lay po ho paisa kamau-ney.. heheh!

Well, we are not talking about 'Gagan' today... he's a nice guy, may he be the next PM in 2020 and desh bikash garoon.. (garya garai ho!)

But UML ko half-arse half-day bandh reminded me of them 1990s ko paala ma! It was our great communist party .. Da UMLs ... they are the ones who started them bandhs sandhs in Nepal when our Kangaroos were given the 'Koorchi' to lead us to prosperity!

And today, everybody does it... .trade unions, Madhesi Virus Killers, pissed-off husband, our political parties and even the Pancheys haroo pani!

Taruh mero question is.... in a game , you either win or lose , hoinuh ruh? If you get knocked out in a boxing match then you just can't go around hitting the referee or trashing the ring and throwing cans @ them spectators ni!

But this is how it is .. hamro 'New Nepal' ma... hami, public haroo lai saas-teee!

I think all our so-called government campuses in them Valley should be shifted to outside them ring-road area haroo! Then they can do all the chakka jaam and tyre baaa-ling all they want in some khet-baari ni!

Abuh TC is like in the middle of KTM! They do some chakka-jaam and the whole KTM ko na-bhaw-ye-ko traffic system pani screwed up hooncha!

Why the hell do they want to burn tyres in the middle of the road, trash their own Campus and shutdown the city?

If you can't take it then you fight again! Go and bash them Kangaroos, shoot each other but please leave us alone!

We have nothing to gain or lose from your nautanki naataks! Don't be a sore loser by venting your anger on us... ni!

Next tyam... we should organize ,a 'Nepali' World Cup for our so-called 'Young Turks' ... all political parties, armed outfits, terrorists and extortionists are eligible to send their 'student' leaders to play a game of football (soccer!)...

And jas lay Final jityo, tyes lay nai Nepal bhari ko tender sender pau-nay! Kay cha ho bichaar?

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Back to KTM!

Coming back to Kathmandu is .... always ... like a kid going back to hostel hola ni! .... this tyam I took the local 'normal people' bus instead of them 'tourist' buses or plane slane! It was great.. I really enjoyed the ride!

The driver saheb drove as if he was competing for the 2010 ko NASCAR or Formula One Racing ko trophy hola ni! We took off @ 8am sharp .... I asked the conductor saheb... 'Can you like wait for 1.5 mins so that I can get a smoke or something?'

And he said... 'Hahaha.. no !'

I couldn't believe it ..... I thought we all Nepalis liked them 'Nepali tyam' kyaaruh!

By 10:30 ... we were in Mungling! And my dream came true! After 16 years.. I was finally getting them so-called 'golden' opportunity to try the 'Mungling' ko daal bhaat!

But them hotel sotel ko khaana was @#$!ed up Yo! .... bhaat pani baasi rahecha! Tyo khaada paani bela bela maa.. kaatyaang kootoong.. baasi bhaat ko taste hooncha ni! Masoo pani kay taal ko ho?

Mungling has changed hola... ki chahi mero expectation badi bhaako ho! Anyways... the only problem hamro 'local' buses ma chahi 'bathroom' break nai ho kyaaruh!

Them buses stop in them ... middle of nowhere ... and the toilet is them open spaces .. jhyaang syaang ma or some vir sir ma! Not a problem for them gentlemen haroo... but for them 'gentle' women tuh problem nai ho ni... hoinuh ruh!

And them accidents pani babaal nai! 3-4 wata truck sruck, gaadi saadi baato ma ki chahi thokkay-ruh basi raako .. ki chai koon chai khaalto ma adgi-raako!....

Ani hamro driver saheb ko tuh kooraa naw-garoom.... the guy wanted to over-take sover-take everything... from cycles, bikes, tractors, trucks .... bato ma plane bhaako bhaye tuh tyes-lai pani overtake garthyo hola Sir-ji lay!

Finally... we reached KTM @ 2pm! ... Ghar ma gaako paani nai chaina... batti pani chainuh... kay basney ho Kathmandu ma tuh... I would like to move to Myagdi because thanks to Mahabir Pun.. they have them 'internet sinternet' ... ani mini-hydro sydro lay 24 ghanta bijooli ... shower linuh lai khola naala!

Visit Nepal 2011 ma chahi... gau tira nai visit garnoo parla! Local Kukhuraa .... khaanuh pa-yee-nay... paani ko problem chainuh... nuh batti ko...!

Now back to Kathmandu, traffic jaam saam... fohor sohor... nobody cares.... yestai ho... abuh Passport (tyo naya style ko!) pani Kathmandu ma maatra diney rey... hamro gau ghar ka baasi haroo lai maatruh doo-khaw!... tara tee 'highway' buses ruh Sundhara ko guest-houses haroo lay chahi paisa kamau-nay bhayo ni!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


In them last 1,000 days .. I have been to Pokhara .. like .. freaking 10 tyams hola! Man... that's like celebrating the 100th day of not doing something stupid .. by visiting Pokhara hola ni!

And I don't know if it's funny, sad or me so stupid.. but I have never been to Saran(g)Kot or Ghandruk or tried them 'Para-gliding' stuff !

The only tyam I stayed in them lake-side hotel sotel was when a friend of mine and his 11 'kuire-volunteer' friends decided to go to Pokhara and I just tagged along, hoping for some 'free lunch' or something!

Then I found out that... kuireys will be kuireys... 12 barsa daal-bhaat khaaye pani bholi palta hot-dog chyaapee haalcha .. heheh!

Lunch khaanuh basyo.. sabai menu senu ma .. katti nai 'Space Shuttle' ko manual nai padey jasto! Sabai price kantha garney ani bill teer-nay bela maa chahi 10%+13% chahi bhool-nay! Bajiya ruh Bajiyani haroo lay garda jahiley pani ulto muh ruh mero saathi lay po extra tirney rey kay!

Ani Paamey Saamey ghoomiyo, eesctooer meescooter chadiyo, paani ma roojhiyo, pool sool kheliyo... ani 2 din pachi muh tuh bhaagey hai.. first tyam Pokhara baatuh.. kuirey haroo ko naatak dhekey ruh!

Just because u come to Nepal for 3-6 months and teach some so-called NGO to update their website and make some fancy smancy brochure is not 'volunteering' kya! Baroo pahila ko jawana ko volunteers haroo .. tyo Piece Core wallahs ani Shanta Bhawan crowd chahi po thik thiyo!

Anyways... it's always good to have relatives in them 'places' kyaaruh.. u save them Rs on food sood, bus-naw sus-naw etiyaadi!

And I love my thulo-aamaa... she is retired now .. after working for them 'Krishi Bikash Bank' .... now part of Aama-Hajurama Samuha .. hehe! But I love to share them 'Kodo ko raksi' ... and her 'Gadhaa.. abuh tuh biha garney hola ni , hoinuh?' stuff!

Every tyam, I visit Pokhara.. she reminds me ... 'There is this girl from Hemja, or Dumre or Pokhara or NepalGunj!' ... and I always say .. 'Hooncha... I will marry all of them!' and then she goes 'Yes ko kura hare-naw... manchey tuh hero sero nai cha ni.. kay bhaako.. sabai thau ma euti raakhney plan ho ki kya ho bajiya?'

Then I visit my mama, sano amma, hajur-ma ko bahini ko choro ko chori, kaila bau ko saala ko naati ko mama.. heheh! Pokhara ko visit chahi .. more of hanging out with them family, my LDL goes crazy, BP tuh chod-deeem... masooo 1 ton , kodo ko raksi tuh gallon kaa gallon... !

Next tyam, I plan to go to Saran(g)kot, do some para-gliding stuff, fishing and visit them 'Ghandruk' and do them ABC trekking stuff!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Ride the bus.....

Was thinking of renting a car ... ani driver lai side ma rakhey-ruh afaai hooi-kee-dai from Bhairahawa to Pokhara ... but then I realized ... I hadn't been in them local highway buses since 1996!

After going through my formula for theory of relativity or something like that .. I figured I would save like 6,000+ NRs if I took the local mini-bus to Pokhara! Yes, them long buses haroo chahi aaj kal chal-dai-naw rahecha from BHR to PKR!

Ticket ko chahi only NRs 380.00 ... blawdy hell... why am I wasting my money on them planes and so-called tourist buses?

Bus ko tyam was 9:00am and like our load-shedding schedule (the only other thing!) the ride began on tyaam kyaaruh!

Them bus was half-empty ... and the conductor saheb refused to close the door kyaaruh! And thanks to my relatives, uni haroo ko advice ' take that seat dhoka ko seee-dhaa, more comfortable ni!' ... well, them seat weat chahi .. just popped out and I thought.. 'damn, if this bus ever falls in them river siver, I better use it as a flotation device or something!'

We got to Butwal in no tyam kyaaruh.. only because the local bus wallahs don't like them highway buses picking up them local route ko passenger rey! If they do that, then the local don son aka bus sanchaa-luck saw-meet-eeee will burn them buses rey!

Butwal ko bus stop ma chahi, met them guys who wanted to sell me a 'SeeKo' watch for NRs 150, and another guy from UP, begging me to buy a pack of 'Chinese candies' for my son! Abuh biha nai bhaako chainuh.. chora kaha baatuh liyeruh auney ho! .. and then the local mariachi band just stormed the bus and started singing some 'Antonio Banderas' lay gauney gaana haroo!

Everybody has their own organization, unions and what not! Our 'All Nepal Gandarva Sangathan' members decided to sing some song ... kyaaruh and then after 60 seconds, the bus started to gooding ani uni haroo lay hamroo paisa mooding!

I didn't have change sange hola... ani fasaad! 100 Rs tuh nikaali-haaliyo. abuh change kati maagney!

No change sange... a little bit of half-arse blessing.... 'lau tapai ko yaatra safal hos ani ..... yeee gaadi tuh chaley cha.. lau jhaarooom ho guruji!'

The conductor refused to close the door .... even after giving him euta soontaalaa, 12 wata badaam and mero half can Red Bull!

Bajiyaa lay sabai tuh khaayo taruh Dhoka chahi .. uh-oh... banda garnai maaney nuh! Ani biccha bato ma Jhyaang tiraa 'bathroom break' ... euta Churot pani diye... taaan-yo jindagi churot nai naw-taaney jasto!

Narayanghaat baatuh ali taw-law khaana khaanuh rokiyo! 2 bajey bhaat khaaney.... bhaat pani chiso... masoo ma chaala maatruh, achaar hijo ko , sabji tuh jhan asti ko! hehehe!

Baccha ko bela ma tuh mungling sungling ko bhaat tuh mitthai laag-thyo kyaaruh!

Feri goo-di-yo.. taruh Bajiya lay dhoka chahi banda garey-naw.. abuh pitnuh bhaye-nuh.. co-pliot lai .. feri Nepal bandha garlaa bhanney durr! Khaa-yee-yo Chiso Hawa chahi... Danny Dengzopa lai samjhi-dai!

Dumre ma ayeruh... euta tyre nai puncture suncture! Arko 40 minutes.. tyre syre banau-naw... bhagwan lay saath diye-cha.. tyre workshop ko agaadi nai puncture... ki chahi tyehi sahuji lay bato ma killa silla rakhyo hola ni?

By the time.. Pokhara poo-gee-yo.. it was already 6pm! Took a Cab to RamKrishna Tole, thulo aamaa ko ghar ma ... ani shower liyeruh ... Ek Jerkin Kodo ko raksi agaadi basiyo dhyaan garnuh!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Name of the Game is...

Bhairahawa .... is probably the greatest city in them Terai region hola!... becoz I have only been to Bhairahawa hehehe.... ahiley samma Biratnagar, Birgunj, NepalGunj, Janakpur sanakpur tiraa gaako chainuh muh tuh!

Lumbini, them birth place of Lord Buddha.. and the land of 100+ foreign soreign monastery haroo hola! All them ASEAN region lay aaaah aaf-know monastery sonastery banai sakey chan!

Then there is the Peace Pagoda Sagoda stuff! Lumbini jaaney baato chahi ahiley samma under construction nai cha kyaaruh!

Ani main Lumbini vitra chirnay bato tuh, yeti sano... ki tyo one way ho ki bhaneyruh jhookin-chan hola hamra kuirey haroo tuh! Thulo gaadi ayo bhaney tuh arko sano gaadi tuh 45 degrees ma side launoo parcha kyaaruh!

Ani Lumbini ko gate ma poo-gee-yo... gaadi vitra laanuh diyenuh.. and that's where the game began or begins!

In Nepal, the name of the game is .. Name-Dropping! If you can pull it off, you get them access sackses hola!

The 'Madeshi Forum' ko sifaarish ma jagir payeko guard Dai stopped me! "Nahi Nahi... yeeha batuh gaadi jaanuh manaa-hee cha babuwaaa!"

"Hya Dai pani.. .muh Mr. XXX ko bhai ho kya... Lumbini Ghoom-naw aako!"

"Tapai lai tuh mailey kahiley pani dekhey-ko chainuh .. Hajooor!'

"Dai, ma Qatar baatuh aako kya ... ghoomnuh!"

"La hooncha..vitra paarking garnoos Sir!"

I met Mr. XXX once , tyo pani company ko kaam maa! Ani I have never been to Qatar Satar! Why the hell am I so good @ making stuff up?

Thank God.. I didn't say .. I am Lord Buddha ko family tree batuh niklaayko member sember bhaneyruh!

Lumbini Sumbini ghoomiyo... ani Mayadevi Temple, BirthPlace of Lord Buddha ko agaadi tuh sabai souvenir, maala saala CD pasal chahi all operated by Madeshis, tyo pani bujhdai jaada tuh sabai Muscle-man haroo rey!

Lau.. religious diversity bhaneko yehi ho kyaaruh! Buddhist religious site my Islamic businessmen haroo!

I hope they have Hindoo businessmen there in them Vatican hola ni , selling them maala saala haroo! We never know.. them Gujraatis haroo tuh feri babaal business seez-ness garchan ni!

And there is no decent restroom, cafe vitra sitra .... Nepal ma yestai ho! Koon chai kuirey lay payeko bhaye ... tyeha 'Buddhist Trance Festival sestival' sooroo gardin-thyo hola! And who knows a bungee or hot air baloon saloon pani!

And what's up with the Terai people? Not much smokers... very hard to get 'Lights' churot surot! Everywhere u go, they offer you 'Zarda Pan Paraag' ... I know my lungs sungs are getting screwed but tyo zarda sarda lay tuh ... ur teeth begin to look like some daaku from some 'Thakur' movies!

And as usual, visited the 'Pawan Misthaan' temple in Bhairahawa. They don't make them Pedas like back in the days... everything is a misa-wot these days!

But it's fun driving around in Bhairahawa.. no traffic jaam but you spend the whole time, trying not to hit the cycle-wallahs, the rickshaw-wallahs, the behl-gaadies wallahs or them big arse trucks (sabai border batuh saaman wo-saar po-saar garney!)..

The weather is great.. this tyam of the year except in them mornings .. koo-hee-ro laageruh Babaal!

Then there is them 'Terai Mukti Morcha' .. mero relative to ghar najikaai... MaoBadi ko 'Jan Samparka' office ani the Terai 'Freed Om Fighters' planted some home-made bomb in front of the Mao Office and called them local patrakars rey!

Feri 2.5 hrs samma Army, Police, Traffic lay baato banda garyo! Then they had to use another bomb to dispose the Mukti Morcha ko bomb rey!

Thank God.. at least we have some 'bomb disposal' toli... but tyo pani see-reef Army ko... what about our Nepal Police? Yee ni haroo ko kaam chai kay ho... see reef ghoos khaaney, sawari ma security ani sadharan janta lai chootnay matra kaam ho ki kya ho?

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Them VIPs ...

Got on the plane after 3.2hrs of waiting.... first seat ma tuh euta Police Inspector .. full-on dress maa! For a second, okay.... for a minute ... I thought them domestic airlines ma pani Air Marshal Sarshal raakhnuh lagyo ki kya ho?

Ani mai-lay pwakka boli diye.. "Kay ho... Ajuh Plane ma pani police shoe-leece rahecha ni!" .. the Cop gave me the 'Encounter' stare.... means 'I will shoot your arse but I won't because I am on duty suty!'

As usual, I got to the last seat of the house... plane! I like them back seats not because I like to sit close to the air-hostess but u get free refill see-fill and more peanuts kyaaruh.. heheh!

Hamro Air-hostess nani tuh pura Japanese Doll jastai make-up laag-yeruh Namaste Samastey gardai thin!

After waiting for another 10 minutes for the one and only runway to be cleared... we began our journey sourney! Hamro pachaadi chahi Buddha , Agni and some Unidentified aircraft follow gardai thiyo... line ma baseka holaan ni!

As we took off... our airhostess was busy with her usual 'script' and then the newspaper distribution program began! I think the only tyam people read them newspapers chahi plane ma nai ho ki kya ho?

Then began the 'morning coffee' ... abuh Bihanuh ko flight ko coffee .... 12:30pm ma pani koffee! No badaam this tyam ... only coffee!

"Do you want a break today, I can serve coffee soffee ni?"

"Kaha hooncha ni, tapai lay mero kaam gardyo bhaney ma chahi kay ghar ma basney?"

I love Nepal.... you ask a question, the other person replies with another question! So in Nepal there is no Q&A session ... only Q&Q session hola ni!

I had some cookies with me and since I didn't want to share it with a 'tourist' or a 'rich' marwaari sahuji, I decided to share it with the Japanese Doll!

Then our Japanese Princess got a call from God.. mean them pilots silots! One wanted half-hot water and half-cold water and the other guy wanted some newspaper! Abuh hamro Air-hostess Nani was pouring thermos ko hot water in them water bottle and searching for some newspaper!

Then she delivered them stuff to our 'Pie-lots' .... I hope by the tyam we landed , one of them had read all the news sews and the other had gargled with them warm water hola ni!

We reached Bhairahawa... the weather was great! But the security chahi kay ho.... King Rama from Ramayana nai ayeko jastai!

Nepal Police, Armed Police Force, local militia and what not!

Then I asked the policeman with the biggest bhoo-di ... 'Dai Kay ho Aajuh kasko Sawaari?'

"Deputy Speaker of the House, Madame Yadav ko"

I understand them VIPs (Very Idiotic Person haroo) lai security chaa-hin-cha but ... to waste our taxpayers money to provide like a whole battalion of security personnel is ... God knows what!

With due respect to Madame Yadav... but the school in Bhoomai (about 50kms away from Bhairahawa) ko 50th anniversary ma attend garnaw pani yesto naatak! I am pretty sure them 'official program' was supposed to start @ 10am hola!

But since Madame Deputy Speaker ko flight got delayed.... the program probably started around 2pm hola!

Nepal ma yestai ho... baroo next tyam .. our schools, campuses, business houses should invite local community leaders to inaugurate their programs srograms ni! That would save our taxpayers money and also our Nepal Police and them security agencies can focus more on crime srime hola rather than being private security guards for our politicians!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Due to Bad Weather!

Took them taxi to the airport, our driver saheb refused to turn on his meter! Abuh we are already half-way there and our negotiation begins kyaaruh!

The main gaadi ko pilot starts from NRs 350... and my bidding price is 200! Hehehe... I know that the min. price chahi Rs 250 nai ho meter ma pani! Finally as we reach them airport ko so-called under-construction ko 'Welcome Gate' .. we finally agree on NRs 250!

And then we come across them so-called security checking where two Nepal Army men do nothing and our men in blue ask silly questions?

I wave some paper and the security folks just wave and let me through. Waaa. kya checking, no wonder them Indian Airlines ko Plane got hijacked ni!

And then I get to them 'dhoka' domestic airport ko and wave my 'things to do list' and the policeman just lets me through! Hehehe... next tyam just print your laundry list and wave at the security guy!

Then it's tyam for some body check seck... I hand over my salai ko boxa to the police-lady.... and she is surprised!

"Kasto gyaani maanchey ho?" ....

I do them 100m sprint to our 'Airport Tax' counter... some guy with a 'Why am I here?" look as if we need to bow before the Mayan King and beg for mercy so that no beheading jastai.... and as usual.. no change!

Baggage saggage check in , ani another body search counter! The Cop is missing.... and I have to look for him because he has to stamp my boarding pass rey! After few minutes, he shows up and does some body check! No Explosives....

Then I find out .. mero flight is delayed rey! Bhairahawa ko airport tuh closed rey!

I go to the 'Yeti Airlines' ko counter and this lady jasko boyfriend didn't kiss her 'good morning' hola ni ... is staring at something!

"Flight abuh kati bajey ho?"


Nice job! You get paid to sit and frown and stare at something and you have no idea... counter chahi 'Information Counter' ... kya mazza ko kaam ho!

I didn't realize there was this 'Airport Restaurant' upstairs.. but you have to like get out from the body search desk and head upstairs kyaaruh!

The Airport Restaurant ko pricing is great... everything is like 111.43, 57.29 ... I guess after adding 10% SC and 13% VAT .... the figure is fully rounded hola ni!

This restaurant is only busy during the 'Koo-he-ro' season... them winter, when our Terai Serai ma koo-hee-roo laagcha ani flight haroo delay hooncha!

Then spent three hours @ the decimal point, drinking a jerkin of coffee, masala om-late , wood-bread (kaath jasto saaro!)... and listening to the most annoying voice on Earth! Hamro Airport ko announcer ko!

Every five minutes, she would start her 'public announcement' kyaaruh! Couldn't understand what she said, naw tuh Angrezi ma naw tuh Nepali ma nai!

So, I asked the restaurant wait-staff to invite her for some coffee! I was just kidding but the guy just did what he was asked to and our 'announcer' showed up!

Abuh paryo ni fasaad! It's easy to bitch about people behind their backs ni.... abuh agaadi nai ... 'Lady, you have the most irritating voice on Earth' bhannuh tuh milay-naw-ni!

"Tapai ko voice tuh soo-noo soo-noo laagdo rahecha"

"Hoinuh, malai thaa-cha , manchey haroo lai tau ko dhookcha"

Wow... I like her, she is blunt, honest and knows what I mean!

"Tapai lai ni bore bhayo hola ... aunoos coffee soffee khaam"

"Hoinuh, mailey agi nai lee-yee sakey.. tapai linoos... "

"Ek chin rest garnoos... tapai ko ghaati dhooki sakyo hola?"

"Hoinuh, mero kaam nai yehi ho"

She left. I ordered a 'milk coffee' for her.. because that's what she likes rey, according to the manager! The coffee was delivered to her 'booth' sooth! I went to the chawt sawt to smoke.... hamro pilot saheb haroo sabai churot taandaai... ani airhostess-madame haroo sabai 'Rara Chow Chow' khaadai!

Finally, around 12:00 , nearly 3.2 hrs later, we were ready to fly to Bhairahawa! Final body search and get on the bus ... and then wait for another 10 minutes because a passenger was not in the building rey!

In Nepal, it doesn't matter, once you get the boarding pass , the airlines staff will keep on searching for you and won't fly unless they know that you are either dead, abducted or committed suicide in them airport ko restroom kyaaruh!

Finally, our 'hero' shows up in his Kollywood get-up! Everybody starts their die-log! Poor guy. He gives out a weak "see I am smiling -while I grind my teeth" look!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Nepal ... this week!

Paras Dai came back to Kathmandu.... I was stuck @ them traffic jaam thing Airport Jaaney bato ma! Then saw them 'mandaleys' aka Raaja-baddies! ... carrying them Nepali Flags.... next tyam if you have like 10+ friends with you, just do a chakka-jaam for ten minutes when u arrive @ them airport from some domestic or international flight..heheh!

That's how it is nowadays.... you just need two guys to block them road soad! One guy to wave some flag or 'party' flag or banner and the other guy needs to roll some tyre and burn it kyaaruh!

Sujata Auntie is also back after attending her 1,005th international meeting seeting! In the last twenty years, she has managed to make billions of Rupees rey! Wow... and no one's complaining! It really is good to be a Koirala! .. with due respect to all them other hardworking, honest Koiralas ni feri!

Now, we need to see if Rubel Choudhary is deported back to Bangladesh or London or wherever... now it's not only them illegal internet call sall natak... we hear that he is behind them APC supplied to them Nepal Police for the UN thing in Sudan!

The funny thing about them APC (Armored Personnel Carrier) chahi.... them ghoos-khori bought them stuff from them Eastern European countries rey ... and it comes with automatic-heating system rey!

And where did they send it? Sudan, the coldest place on Earth hola ni! Hahaha... and nobody checked them inside stuff ki kya ho! Well, Nepal Police, Home Ministry officials and other party leaders made millions of dollars (not Rupees!) and the UN was like 'This sheet ain't right...' and our Nepal Police in Sudan had to borrow them stuff from the Bangladeshis rey!

Hehehe.. A Bangladeshi makes millions of dollars from selling faulty, old APCs to Nepal and then we get to borrow the real APCs from Bangladesh! It is ironic .. isn't it? Now, somebody get me some Gin and Tonic .. please!

Tara Air crashes... our prayers to them 'Bhutanese' people and our Nepalese crew-members! Yes, the plane crashed because them station manager approved more stuff than what the plane could carry ni!

But now the story is about .... the travel agency selling them tickets using Nepali names rey! Somebody please check them station managers in them remote areas! These buffoons make millions of Rupees a year by loading more cargo because that's where the money is!

I am flying to Bhairahawa tomorrow.... visiting Lumbini then staying few days and then driving to Pokhara and coming back on Christmas Eve kyaaruh! Last time..... when Agni crashed, I flew to Bhairahawa the next day and now Tara .... I am not flying to Bhairahawa after this.. I will take the local bus!

It's always sad when we hear them air-crashes... if only our so-called government lay sabai thau ma baato banaai-diye ko bhaye! But of course .. that's not happening for the next 20 years hola!

Until then our domestic airlines will have to fly to them remote areas and them people there have no choice but to fly and if them flights get cancelled .. then wait for days and days .... and for rich people like Paras Dai and Rubel.. they can always charter a helicopter ni!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

And that's it ... folks!

And the moral of the story is... you can get away with anything in ... 'New' Nepal!

Paras Sarkar is free... and back to Pokhara! Rubel Sarkar is in Kathmandu but he has not been to the Radisson ko gym rey! And the DAO (District A-holes Office) has now declared various parts of the capital as the prohibited areas to prevent Rajaa-baadis from demonstrating or celebrating or whatever rey!

Paras Dai now denies everything, Rubel is suddenly suffering from 'Ghajini' illness .... well, bangla-boy, why don't u write them stuff on your body sody like Aamir Khan!

Few months ago, 3 Bangladeshis were arrested for them VOIP (internet call sall) criminal activity rey and according to our Kathmandu ko gossip kings, tyo sabai Rubel Sarkar ko po business rahecha rey!

Hahaah... bichara Rubel.... and the guff in Kathmandu is that he travels to London, tyo pani Nepal ko diplomatic passport rey! Hahaha... Nepal chahi Guff nai Guff ko desh .... I hope I can be the official 'Guffadi' like them poet laureate stuff in them Western nations haroo!

So this is it folks.. welcome to 'New' Nepal... either you join the Mao Inc., or get some 'Ex-Royal' backing or marry them Koirala family .. and for the rest of us, well.. we just have to get used to load shedding.. 8 hrs now, 12 hrs next month and 14 hrs from Feb and then 18 hrs till them monsoon hola ni!

The so-called law is for ordinary folks (u & me!) .... for them politicians and hakim-sahebs, there is ... I guess one day they will answer someone up there but until then.... let them have fun, loot , boot and shoot us!

Now, we may be left with only two options hola!

Option A: Everybody buy them 'pistol sistol' for their own protection because there is no one to protect us!

Option B: Everybody buy them 'Bullet Proof Vest, Helmet, Coat, Under-wear ... what not' ... hehehe , then even if you get shot, you get to live another day hola ni!

Lau tuh.... hope Paras had a wonderful tyam in them 'Bharatpur Police Training Center' .. and hope Rubel will go back to Radisson ko gym and do some more sit-ups ho ki push-ups and come out with a '18-pack' body sody and maybe challenge Paras Dai for a boxing match and we can all watch it ... HBO ma ....

I don't know... we now live in a jungle ... and Darwin Dai was right... it's them survival of the fittest.. or in our case.. the ghoos-khoris and chor survives... while 29.9 million folks will either have to go to them Middle East, or apply Canada ko PR or maybe that DV lottery thing or just wait for another 'Unity' scam to make a decent living hola ni!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Breaking the Law....

Paras Dai is back in Chitwan rey... Rubel is probably hiding somewhere in Kathmandu , waiting for mom-in-law to come back and do her 'item' number!

Everybody is watching... Congressis want some action, Maoists are just quiet because they follow the 'Godfather' ko rule : 'Enemy of my Enemy is my friend' or something like that!

Yes, Paras, the Ex-Crown Prince broke them rules... but Baban Singh, the most-wanted man in Terai can be the 'CA member' and not get arrested, and we have our Maoist CA member, jas-lai our justice system ordered to arrest him and confiscate his property sroperty.. and he is walking around Kathmandu, eating soontala and badaam!

So, the best option for our Royals is to get into them politics! Our politicians are the new 'Kings'... they are untouchables when it comes them 'law saw' stuff! They can do whatever they want and get away with it!

And Paras, now a commoner should be arrested, sent to prison and we should appoint Rubel Choudhary, as our next Ambassador to Bangladesh ni!

Talking about 'law and order' , our great 'Nepal Police' still haven't solved them murder mystery .... been 2 years now.

A family of five was hacked to death in Lalitpur, a couple was shot to death in Ranibaari, Kathmandu... and when asked about them cases, our great Home Minister and his cronies tell us 'We are still investigating'.... Bhim Rawan (Rawal) is our greatest 'Home Minister' ever... all he does is ... nothing!

We had Bam Dev and that stupid guy came up with this '11pm close down KTM' law and we can't have a shot (drink ni , no firing siring!) at 3 am in the morning!Nepal Police still can't find Rakesh Wadhwa.. I know where he is... but Nepal Police?

He is hiding in them luxury apartment right next to that 'Laxmi Bank' in them Baluwatar. Yes, take a dance lesson @ Salsa , grab some Pizza, @ Roadhouse then make a right .. next to Laxmi Bank.. go all the way in and then you will meet 4 security guards! What do you do next?

Eat some Pizza and shout ... 'Rakesh come out you slimy bastard! and pay your taxes... bhaatey!' How come our great Desis and Bangla-desis are having all the fun while we are fighting with each other!

So, Gyanu Uncle ... stop waiting and stop visiting them 'Desis' in India.. start your own political party.. and then when u r them MP... u become more powerful than God (Nepal ma chai!) ... at least Paras Dai will be safe, no matter how much hawai-fire he does ni!.... the 'monarchy' may never make a comeback now ... and we hope the 'House of Koirala' will disappear as well!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Terror in the Gulf....

Our so-called care-taker government plans to lift them ban san on our Nepali women working in the Gulf rey!

Our so-called foreign employment agencies make billions of Rupees every year... and our sarkaari hakims, them airport officials and minister-sinister share the loot kyaruh!

Majority of them companies in the Gulf don't charge a fee but our man-woman power agencies charge like 9-10 months ko so-called salary!

Few months ago, my neighbor's wife ko mama ko choro (hehe!) went to Saudi Arabia! He was promised NRs 15,000 per month, 8hrs work per day and over-tyam etc... then the guy paid Rs 100,000 to them 'agents' and flew to the land of Arabia!

So far, he hasn't gotten paid at all... is working 12 hours a day.... and will probably need a 5 yr supply of 'Fair & Hensum' for Men when he gets back!

Our men are suffering and do you think our women will fare better in them land where women can't drive, have to wear them curtains ....?

We hear stories about our women raped, abused and tortured by them so-called 'rich Arab' employers! And our so-called politicians, local goons and all them armed-outfits are only interested to extort money from them foreign employment agencies... they really don't care about our women.. do they?

In Nepal, you have to be a 'Rubel' (Sujata's son-in-law) to demand so-called justice sustice! 'Rubel' should be added to next year ko Oxford Angrezi dictionary kyaruh!

Our so-called leaders talk about them people... and our people are all flying away ... only because it's getting hard to survive here... so many so-called revolutions and are we really better off than we were 10, 20 or 30 years ago?

If I were them PM, then I would really teach all them women Angrezi, some computer somputer skills and then ask them so-called Prince of Persia or them Western companies to open their so-called 'call centers' here... instead of always begging for them 'foreign aid' and turning us into beggars while our leaders live the 'good life' ....

Why do our (men &) women want to go to them 'Middle East' when they have heard all them horror stories? They have no choice... they are poor, hungry ... KTM ko wages ... not enough thanks to them inflation sin-flation.... try surviving on 4,000+ in Kathmandu!

And for 4,000 more.. they will risk everything, their land, their dignity so that they can take care of their families... When will our leaders wake up or are we all doomed and should we now prepare to live in chaos forever?

Instead of sending our men and women to foreign lands and make them suffer, why don't we train them some skills ni.... make them better plumbers, welders , receptionists .... and if they really have to go then .... let them make better wages ni!

Our foreign employment agencies should teach them Arabic or whatever them 'foreign language' needed for at least a year, give them some orientation and what not! But who cares?

Our Ministry of Labor Sabor cares about making some dough and the current Minister (yes, from the great 'Madeshi' movement wallah!) is spending them so-called 'Foreign Employment Fund' to go on foreign trips, decorate his office and pay for his cousin's weddings and what not!

I guess.. we are the new 'Chinese' like them Wild Wild West days in Amrika.... and at the end of the day, it's our people (them agents!), our government .... who sell our own ..... please don't sell our own people!