Saturday, December 28, 2013

Remebering Mao!

China celebrated Mao's 120th birth anniversary with noodles and fireworks.  How come we didn't get to see any fireworks in Perisdanda?  Maybe, our Mao-wallahs are still sulking over the results of the CA election and can't seem to get over their dismal performance.

Our comrades could have applied for a special permit to have fireworks display and provided us all free thukpas or even momos to celebrate the occasion. When will our clowns learn to give instead of just looting the state treasury to fill their belly? 

At least give us a rebate for once. If all our political parties can organize a momo party once a year then we could at least figure out who makes the best momos and maybe that would help us to  decide on whom to vote in the next election.

I think all our Mao-wallahs should at least learn one Chinese revolutionary song.  And then they can all gather around the Chinese Embassy and sing songs praising Mao. Then the Chinese would have at least doled out some funds for our comrades to organize a street festival in honor of Mao.

How come our great Emperor doesn't even know Mandarin? At least a YouTube message with some Chinese greeting would have won the hearts and minds of millions of Chinese folks. Or maybe, he could have visited a hot pot place in Thamel and showed us the Chinese owners his chop sticks skills.

But our comrades have other things to worry about. No, they are not interested to work out  their differences with other clowns and join the Constituent Assembly to give us a constitution within a year. 

It's all about how to figure out if it's possible to get a ministry or two and make some dough for the next election. And our big boss is having migraine headaches trying to figure out how to make his stooges happy since he will have to leave out a whole bunch of folks from the PR list.

If our great leader wants to be remembered after he is long gone then it's time to look back at Mao's mistakes.  Yes, Mao gets the credit for being the founder of Communist China and he will always be their great leader but his political and economic magic tricks caused tens of millions of deaths. 

If it wasn't for Deng and his gang with their 'economic formula' then we would not be having Chinese byaparis buying up all our herbs and stuff.  When will our clowns learn from our chimekis? 

Our Emperor can take some credit for our Constituent Assembly natak  and us being a Republic but his dream of founding a Communist Republic is now almost over.  

The Chinese are not interested to have a new Mao land and the Desis have their own Maoists to worry about and won't be helping our comrades to capture state powers. So let's put the 'Red Book' aside and follow the 'Deng' formula for a change. Or maybe we can ask Manmohan Singh to head our National Planning Commission after he is done playing Prime Monster in India.

Chinese President Xi even went on to remind his fellow citizens that leaders are not gods and people should be allowed to point out the mistakes that they have made.  Our Emperor should  learn a thing or two from the Chinese.  We all make mistakes. It would be nice if our Emperor admitted his and tried to correct them instead of blaming the whole world for vote rigging and other nataks.

Our comrades are closet capitalists and we won't have worry about some crazy economic nataks even if our comrades one day get the majority to govern us again.  

We have seen what they are capable of when they were in power. They would rather let the fake VAT bill byaparis run amok and loot some more rather than lower the food prices and introduce development projects to help improve the lives of the common folks.

But we never know. One day, our great leader might wake up with a new economic formula for all of us where we all have to go to work in our farms where the comrades live in the city and enjoy the good life.  If our Emperor can’t get his cake and eat it all then he might even follow some of Mao's playbook like coming up with a Cultural Revolution natak.  

Let's hope that we won't see that day. Millions of Chinese suffered during then as 'Red' guards attacked universities, temples and many heritage sites. But so far, our Emperor has not shown us any of the crazy illnesses that plaque other great leaders. We are still waiting for a 3 billion dollar Lumbini face-lift and more billions for our 40,000 MW electricity.

Our great leader is not happy with Dr. Saheb because our smarty pant wants a two-term limit for party leaders. Our Emperor wants to stay on the top seat for at least another decade and the only way to do that would be to send all the disgruntled ones to the country side for reeducation. Dr. Saheb wants election in his own party instead of  top leaders choosing their own stooges to fill up the posts.  

We are a Republic but our political parties are run by a bunch of despot. Maybe our cadres should revolt and bring democracy to their own parties first and then worry about the nation later.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

The PR War

Our Election Commission wallahs have requested the 30 political parties that have won seats under the proportional representation (PR) system to allocate at least 50% of the seats to women.  Why not 100%? Maybe then we will at least get done with writing the constitution within a year.

We can't expect much from the usual gang of thieves. Our netas are having a tough time on whom to award the seats under the PR system. You can't make everyone happy. Maybe, our political parties should organize a 'lucky draw night' and invite everyone on the PR list. Wine and dine them and hand out gift hampers Give them a number and invite an independent panel to pick out the winners. 

Make sure you tell them that the lucky ones will get to enjoy the state perks as CA members while the unlucky ones will get a suitcase full of cash.  After all, you don't want the ones left out to bear grudges and go against the party in the next election.

The Rastriya Prajantantra Party-Nepal (RPP-N) shocked us all by winning a lot more PR seats than we had expected.  But Kamal Thapa is having a hard time trying to figure out whom to choose for the PR seats. His party's cadres have even padlocked the party's office in Hetauda. 

The angry cadres also vandalized the office and decided to have a small bonfire with the party documents. Yes, they are mad because they want more candidates from Makawanpur district rather than only Thapa. 

 RPP-N had launched a pretty creative election campaign with their 'One Vote for Dai (brother) and another vote for Gai (Cow). Maybe Thapa can pacify his disgruntled cadres if he gives them each a Jersey cow. At least, the cadres can make some money by selling the milk in the market.  

And for the next election, RPP-N can even promise to deliver a packet of milk to each household if they win the majority of the seats. But of course that is very unlikely but instead of promising to make this land of ours another Singapore or Switzerland, the idea of free milk is more plausible.

Our Kangaroos and the United Mules have the same problem with whom to choose for the PR seats.  It's not only the PR list but our two old parties have a bunch of old men wanting to become Prime Monster and President.

Our netas are not interested to get done with the constitution writing process. They just want to be a mantri, enjoy the perks and make some moolah.  And the cadres also want a piece of the pie because that was the only reason why they went around town campaigning for the candidate.  Let us all feel sorry for our netas this time. 

If the lucky draw thing doesn't work out then they can follow the usual 'formula' of awarding the seats to the highest bidders. If your name's on the PR list but the chances of getting selected is rare then just offer a few Karods to the party and be a CA member.  Then you will have to figure out how to get your investment back in the next few years. After all, that’s how our system works. 

Maybe, we need a new political party like the one in India. The Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) has stunned Delhi by winning 28 seats in the local assembly elections. 

The Aam Aadmi Party plans to contest the Lok Shaba polls as well. Let us hope that Arvind Kejriwal and his friends will at least make a difference in India. It's about time our social activists formed a political party as well. 

Instead of just a few folks updating their Facebook statuses and pleading for votes, let's get 10,000 signatures and form a new political party to challenge the usual gang of thieves. If we can't get everyone on board then it's better to form an alliance. 

The 33-party alliance led by Baidya Ba and his angry birds boycotted the CA election. Now, the 18-party alliance led by our Emperor and his stooges plan to boycott the CA unless the government forms a high-level probe commission to investigate election fraud. Why not we all pitch in and send our netas on a probe mission to Mars and let them stay there for a decade?

I think it's time we had our own political party and formed alliance with other honest folks to clean up the mess. The young folks can have their own party. The professionals can form their own thing. Our 'Ama Samuha' should form 'All Amas Party' and contest the local elections and then fight the general elections in the future.

I hope we will have the local elections soon because we are tired of the government appointed secretaries in our wards doing nothing but doling out funds to a bunch of chors from the major political parties. Somebody please come up with a name for our grand alliance of mothers and workers to fight against the usual brokers and free-loaders? 

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Waiting for a Mandela

Some of our netas think that our country needs another Junga Bahadur or Lord Buddha.  Well, Lord Buddha would be fine but we can't have another Jungey Dai. That would mean only a family enjoying all the loot instead of hundreds of mini-maharajas having fun today.  What we really need is someone like Mandela.

Mandela has passed away at the age of 95. The world will always remember him as one of the world's greatest statesmen. But we are still waiting for our netas to rise above petty politics and be a leader instead of acting like a bunch of pickpockets. 

In the past sixty years, we have seen hundreds of clowns who have been offered opportunities to govern this country. But they all turned out to be false prophets who only enriched themselves and their families instead of helping the common folks.  

How long will we have to wait for honest leaders to lead us to the Promised Land? Well, it might take us a century or until our netas learn to fight elections without the help of mundrey gundas. We have yet to find a neta who has a vision to move this country forward. 

All our clowns only know tips and tricks on how to take this country down the drain. Maybe our netas should all be sent to vocational schools and they can learn some plumbing skills. At least that would teach them how to fix things up instead of only destroying everything in sight.

Mandela spent 27 years in prison but he was never bitter or angry. Our clowns spend a few years in prison and they think that this country owes them everything.  Mandela taught us about forgiveness and reconciliation. Our clowns only talk about vengeance. They blame each other and only smell conspiracies.

I think our government should have the new Constituent Assembly on the banks of Bagmati River and allows us to enjoy concerts and exhibitions at the International Convention Center instead. Our clowns can then smell the Bagmati River and maybe that will clear up their sinuses and inspire them to clean up the river. 

Mandela became South Africa' s first black president and then decided to go for reconciliation. He didn't turn out to be a dictator or used his powers to punish those who had prosecuted him.  Our Emperor failed to become our first president but he had the opportunity to bring everyone on board but even then failed miserably. 

Instead he was busy on petty stuff like trying to fire an Army Chief who was going to retire in a few months. Mandela even sang the apartheid-era Afrikaans anthem at his inauguration. He went on to meet those who had prosecuted him and his gestures of forgiveness helped the country to unite. 

Mandela was not a saint. He was just another individual who chose to forgive instead of seeking revenge.  

Our clowns can learn about honesty, humility and generosity from Mandela. Yes, he had his faults and the gap between the rich and the poor has widened over the years in South Africa. But the country had held four parliamentary elections. Yes, the ruling party the African National Congress has had its share of corruption scandals and abuse of power but democracy is still alive.

Like the South Africans after Mandela's election as President, we too had expected overnight changes after the 2046 BS Andolan. But our netas never pleaded for patience like Mandela.  Even now, our netas promise us quick fixes even though they know very well that it's a tough road ahead and we will all need to be patient.  

We are still waiting for our Truth and Reconciliation Commission. Why is it difficult for our Emperor and his courtiers to admit their crimes publicly and ask for forgiveness?  Our security forces should do the same as well. 

We should have done this five years ago and our Emperor could have turned out to be a Mandela. But instead he just turned out to be like the Mandaley from the previous regime. 

Mandela did not seek another term and left office in 1999. We still have the same players from more than two decades ago, who still dream of growing tomatoes in Baluwatar.  Our clowns should learn to let go. Yes, you will lose elections. Let go.  Give a new generation a chance to lead the country if you and your fellow clowns can't come up with new acts.

Do we really need a new President? I think we should stick with Lord Ramu instead of having another President.  Why waste taxpayers money by doling out more perks to a new person? We will also definitely have three or four Prime Monsters in the next few years since our Kangaroos and the United Mules would want the hot seat. Let the looting begin.