Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Census 2011

The CBS (not the Amriki TV channel) has released its so-called preliminary report rey. Central Bureau of Statistics (CBS) tells us that our population is only 26.2 million ... and I guess they failed to account for the 4 million folks abducted by aliens last fall.

According to them CIA folks (the Amrikis) and our sources at Guffadi Labs, our population should be around 30 milion ahiley samma tuh. CBS ko report anoosar, only 1.9 milion folks are outside the country.

Abuh India ma nai hola 2 million chan hola (no, I am not counting the Nepalis who are Indian citizens ni!) , ani Middle East ma arko 2 million ... yeta oota garda, we should have like 5 million Nepalis studying or working or partying or just tyam-passing in them foreign lands.

Kathmandu ko population only 1million rey ani Lalitpur Bhaktapur combine garey ruh arko .5 million. Once again, CBS folks must have been smoking something or they don't really hang out at them local bus stops in the valley hola. According to the rough guff-estimate, 5.6 million folks live in the valley today.

If only a million folks lived in Kathmandu then you would see them playing football in New Road ko bato ma on Saturdays ni.

Hawa taari report lay hami lai nai ghata kya, pachi budget ma tyehi ho... the capital city gets pennies whereas other places get billions of Rupees, ani tyo pani goes to them pockets of local politicians and contractors and not them villagers ni.

More than 20% of the population lives in the valley but CBS report ma chahi only 17% urban population rey. So have they forgotten the urban folks in Pokhara, Dharan, Biratnagar, Butwal and all them major cities in Nepal?

I think all the out-of-towners should gherao the CBS office and demand some answers.... hehe!

Nepal ko male population chahi 12.9 million and female chahi 13.6 million rey. Ani .. what happened to them 'third gender' ni? Uni haroo ko pani stat liyeko hoinuh ruh hamra CBS wallahs haroo lay?

Well, this is only the rough draft rey... abuh final report lai parkhim naw. But it's about tyam, our netas realize that Kathmandu is our capital and more than 20% of the population ani yeso government budget batuh pani 20% kharcha choottau-ney ho ki. Kehi naw bhaye pani 1 billion dollar tuh valley lai dinoo parney ho.

Ever year, they waste billions of Rupees in mato-pooring them bato ghato. All our batos are flooded during the monsoon. Instead of making them contractors richer, why not spend the next year's budget (the whole thing) right here in the valley kya.

Ek barsa chahi Kathmandu valley ma nai kharcha garoom. Sabai bato ghato banaam, affordable housing, paani saani, sabai ghar ma solar dim , free ma nai.... ki kaso?

And then we can ask all the people from them remote areas to come live with us here in Kathmandu nai. Yes, we need them bato ghato and everything in Karnali and everywhere else but so far, it's only them local politicians and them political parties who are busy looting them development budget sudget while them bato ghato sabai kacchi, no teachers in them public schools and no medicines at them local health posts.

Baroo let's ask all our village people to move to the city and the city people can move to them villages. Baroo student exchange program bhanya jastai, gau sahar exchange program nai rakhoom nai.

Most of us are tired of the city anyway. So , we spend like a year in Rolpa and maybe work on our short stories or painting sainting or I don't know.. your new music album? Ani sabai gau ka saathi bhai bahini haroo can visit our one and only national zoo, dharahara .... have picnis at Godavari or go for them sunrise thing in Nagarkot. Ek barsa tuh biti halcha ni.

And why are we spending billions of dollars every year for them fokatey ko salaries for our civil servants? They really don't do any work and they make more from them chiya-kharcha fees than their salaries anyway... so maybe it should be mandatory that all civil servants should devote at least one Saturday , cleaning up them streets and helping NepalUnite paint them temples, bridges etiyaadi.

So let us ask our civil servants to take a pay cut or work for a Rupee for a whole year. Sabai paisa desh bikash ma laagaam..! Sher B. Deuba has resigned from them Congressi ko management team.. he is free now. Now he will have enough spare time to clean up his tole sole, and maybe he can help his Mrs. with her NGO work pani or maybe he just wanted to drink some more and play cards during Dashain instead of meeting his chamchas and figuring out how to kick Sushil dai's arse.

Hey, we all need a break ni. So, Happy Dashain everyone. Everthing in moderation ki kay bhancha ni.... don't eat like a horse, don't drink like a fish and don't gamble like Gyanu uncle... hehe!

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