Saturday, September 12, 2015

Our Big Three Idiots

Our big three idiots need to wake up and smell the fire burning in Terai. We must assume that our loafers of the three major political parties are suffering from ENT infections. They seem to be blind to the fact that protesters are burning down police posts and government buildings in Terai every other day. 

They do not seem to hear the threats of our Madhesi-Tharu politicians. They must be having some problems with their vocal chords because they can't seem to come up with anything that will calm down the protesters. 

Sing a song of peace or crack a joke or dance. Do whatever it takes to stop the 'burning man' festival in this land instead of keeping quiet and making the lives of our folks in Terai miserable.  Maybe, we might have to send our comedians to Terai and host a 'Gai Jatra' festival to cool down the temperature. Yes, our comedians can crack 'Pahadi' jokes and make fun of our big three idiots.

Let our brothers and sisters in Terai have some fun. Let's win this battle not with home-made weapons, teargas and bullets. Let's win the hearts and minds of our folks in Terai with humor.  Don't kill our own folks with bullets, make them laugh and we will all live to see another day. You might tear a muscle or two if you laugh too much but it's better than getting hit by bullets and laathis.

Our beloved President also seems to be busy doing nothing. Well, he was busy the other day swearing in our Chief Saab. Let's hope our new Army Chief General Chhetri will help provide better housing and benefits to our soldiers and provide opportunity for all able officers to get promotion instead of just picking your near and dear ones for promotions and postings like our Shree Tin Maharaja did. 

I think it would be better if our incompetent government send our President and Vice-President  on a goodwill mission to Terai. Yes, if we can deploy our Nepal Army in our own land then there is nothing wrong with our head of state visiting Terai calling for peace. 

We could have asked for Jimmy Carter's help but leave the former US President alone. The old man has already done enough. He is also suffering from cancer and needs to be with his family and friends. Now, whom can we get to broker peace between our Madhesi-Tharu parties and the government?

I guess it's time to cross the border and ask the superstars of Bhojpuri film industry to come to Terai for a grand 'peace' concert and calm down our protesters. Yes, bring in the singers, dancers and even circus clowns. 

Let's have a 'week-long item number' dance festival for our brothers in Terai. Let us ask the byaparis across the borders for a heavy discount for early Tihar shopping for our sisters there. 

Our Madhesi-Tharu leaders will not suffer from this mess. It's the people in Terai who are suffering every day. It's sad that our Madhesi-Tharu leaders have sought help of criminals to burn down Terai. It’s been almost a month now and our incompetent government has either no clue or is just too lazy to resolve the crisis in Terai.

Our clowns are not even on the same page. Instead of bringing all the agitating parties together for a 'time-out' session, our big three idiots are in a hurry to get done with the constitution-drafting process even if half the country go up in flames. 

The only guy who is in a hurry is our King of Mundreys, the great comedian, the man whose gullet can fire bullets, our honorable KP Oli. This guy is really in a hurry to be our Prime Monster. 

If Sushil Da was a smart old man then he would just leave Baluwatar for Banaras to be a wandering hermit instead of staying put and watching half the country turn into ashes. Let KP Oli and his mundreys make peace with our brothers and sisters in Terai. 

I think it's time we called for a half-time break. We already have a cooking gas shortage in the valley even though our government tells us that everything is fine. Well, maybe our gas byaparis want to create an artificial shortage to make a quick buck. 

Our byaparis too are suffering because they can't bring in goods from the border when they need it. Our government is suffering because they are falling down on revenue collection in our custom check points. Everybody is suffering. 

But of course, our big three idiots just want to watch Terai burn and hope that things will go back to normal once everything is turned into ashes. Our Big Three idiots think it would be easier to declare all of Terai riot-hit zones and then deploy Nepal Army personnel and contain the situation.

Our Madhesi-Tharu activists are not going to back down easily. They now know that our incompetent government can't do much even when they go around burning down police posts and government buildings. ijay Gachhadar has warned of bloodshed in the country if the demands of the Madhesi-Tharu political parties are not fulfilled by the government. 

Yes, our former Home Minister has no remorse for the death of our police personnel. He continues to get free vehicle and security from the state and seems to enjoy the perks that comes with being a former Home Minister. It would be better if he sent back the government vehicle and security personnel and instead used his own mundrey gundas for his own security.  

Why do you need state benefits when you want to fight the state? If this man someday becomes our Prime Monster then do expect Ganesh Lama to be our Home Minister. 

I think the best option for now is to ask all protesting parties to give us a break until Tihar. Let us hope our incompetent government will get things right by then. 

We are not only destroying our own economy and making our lives miserable with all these shutdowns and violence but we are also pushing back the rebuilding of this nation. Instead of welcoming hundreds of thousands of tourists back to our land, our protestors are making sure that they stay home. 

Our kids are not able to go to schools in Terai. The people in the valley must also stand up and tell our good for nothing politicians that they have to get their act right now or we must not let them stay in this valley, enjoying the good life with full state benefits with tight security while our own people, be it our protestors or police personnel are suffering in Terai.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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