Animal Sacrifice...

Today is Maha Astami... the eighth day of the Dashain festival. Hindus worship Goddess Durga and offer her them animals, vegetables and fruits. Durga didi is on a diet... so our pujaris enjoy them feasts on her behalf hola ni.

The men play cards, drink and eat mutton as if the world will end right after Dashain kya. And what about our women? They cook, clean and take care of them guests. Durga, Parvati, Laxmi, Saraswati... the list goes on and on. We like to pray to them Goddesses but we don't seem treat our own women right.

In them villages, we isolate our women when they have their periods. We accuse them of witchcraft and force them goo-moot on them. We beat them up when we suspect them of adultery etiyaadi.

In them cities, our women suffer from eve-teasing. In them villages, guys usually sing a song kya. And they gather around them fire and sing 'dohori' .... it's like a group date thing ni. No, I am not blaming all men but if we worship them Goddesses and ask for them blessings then why do we start whistling and winking at them ladies, once we are outside them temples kya?

If we look at them Hindu comics, them ladies slay them demons and today we might need a few 'Durgas' to slay our 'evil' demons hola... you know who they are ... hehe!

I am still trying to find them 'animal sacrifice' manual in them Hindu 'Holy' books. I watched them 'Ramayana' and 'Maharbharata' and read them 'Shikari Shambu' and 'Chacha Chaudhary' comics but I really couldn't find any offerings of animals to please them Gods kya.

I don't know who came up with this 'animal sacrifice' thing? Most of us will sacrifice them goats, ducks and what not and splatter them blood slood on them vehicles, machines and weapons.

Them so-called 'holy' men and priests during the early 'Lord Ramu' days didn't eat any meat seat. They didn't drink any local raksi. Well, they did get distracted by beautiful women when they were supposed to be meditating but I guess.. men will be men ni!

So, we need to find out the first pujari who decided to try them 'masoo' and liked it. And from that day on, he must have said .... 'Dumb ones, please kill your goats and ducks and give some to me hai'... hehe!

As far as I can recall, them 'Priests' used to vegetarians till the 90s. Then we had our so-called 'Democracy' and when all our pujaris found out that Bhramin netas like Girija , Kishunji and all them clowns drank whiskeys and ate mutton curry like crazy... then our pujaris were like '@#!$ it' ... we be drinking raksi and momocha , we be merry , no more jerry swaari and yes, your ancestors will party up there in heaven if you give us some dough hola ni.

And for people who are not into them 'animal sacrifice' natak, they do offer them vegetables and fruits rey. I have yet to see a God wake up at night and start making vegetable soup or fruit salad from them offerings kya. The pujaris will probably have a feast hola... full 'veggie' menu to last them a few months!

If you want your vehicles to not break down in the middle of the Bagmati bridge then you must change them oil soil and take it to the mechanic to make sure that all them part-poorja are in order kya.

If you have them guns, knives and your grandfather's 'Varuwa Bandook' then tyehi ho... clean it, oil it and make sure that no rust sust ni... sacrificing animals and pouring them blood is not going to help hoinuh ruh?

I think it's about tyam, Nepalis stop them animal sacrifice nataks and please no offering baasi ladoos and pedas and fruits to them bhagwans and bhagwan-nis ... because if them Gods were to be happy with your offerings then Gyanu uncle would still be Lord Vishnu hoinuh ruh?

So let us not make our pujaris fatter and richer. Baroo... if you want to offer them stuff then visit them senior citizen homes and orphanages or even them working class people in your neighborhood and maybe cook, clean and care for them ... even it's just for a day.

I am getting calls in the middle of the night... drunk friends who want to know why I didn't show up at their house parties or didn't even call back when they send me an invitation to gamble at their houses... hehe!

Today, I was busy visiting hospitals.... euta dai ko budi (vow-zoo) just had her operation... pathey ghar ko! Another friend ko saalo ruh saalo ko saathi got into a motorcycle accident and had few bones broken sroken.

Everything closes down for Dashain but them hospitals don't. So, let's be grateful to them nurses, doctors, security guards and even our police-wallahs this Dashain.

Yes, them nurses were still chewing gum and calling their boyfriends and doctors were still grumpy but at least they showed up for work and were doing their job ni. Even our low-level police-wallahs miss home and want to be with their families but they have to do their duty ni...

Lau... I am already looking forward to the end of Dashain so that I can go back to work and be grumpy... hehe! I like Tihar better.... one day for the cows, one day for the crows , one day for the dogs and one day for brothers and sisters and one day for Laxmi didi... (no, not the chiya pasaley sahuni kya.. the Goddess ni!)... lau, have to go and start pumping them water swater... abuh paani auney tyam bhaye-cha kya.