Thursday, October 6, 2011

Blessings from the Elders...

Today is the final day of Dashain.... and it ends with them tika sika from the elders. But if you don't reach home on tyam then you still have until Saturday to receive them blessings from your elders kya.

The auspicious time for receiving and offering Tika is at 10:35am rey. And who decides them tyam syam... its our 'Nepal Calendar Determination Committee', a bunch of astrologers who receive them bhatta satta from the state for doing nothing but playing Sudoku and sipping doodh chiya all day hola ni.

Our great numbers wallahs also tell us that you don't need to worry about not making it at 10:35 sharp kya... you can receive them tika all day long and it won't piss of them Gods rey.

I think we should do like them Japanese... paint some doll soll baroo... and maybe have some tea sea with your elders ni. Why are we wasting them rice and yogurt by placing it on our foreheads?

And that 'red' coloring stuff, probably causes cancer anyway... so let's get rid of the tika... hai!
Baroo.. let's save our rice and send it to Humla or them remote areas where our brothers and sisters are starving ni. And even them remote villages in Gorkha (our PM's home district) are suffering from 'rice' crisis thanks to our Nepal Food Corporation and their chor-hakims!

What about them yogurt shogurt? Tyo tuh ali gaa-rai hola pathau-naw... I think you should eat your yogurt and get some 'good' bacteria instead of rubbing it on your forehead hoinuh ruh?

Ani them 'red' color solor chahi... let them 'sweet' shops have it... they probably use it for all them sweets anyway... and I hope we have had enough mithais now... and them gudpak store owners are out on bail, enjoying them Dashain... Nepal ko kanoon , Chor haroo lay nai jaa-noon!

And our President, Ramu will be tika-taaling today. So if you want to stay in line for hours and then get your forehead plastered with them tika from the Prezzie then please head to Shital Niwas. The gates open at 12:30 rey and Dr. Saheb will probably suffer from arthritis by the tyam he gets done... around 5pm!

But if you want to get them tika sika from Gyanu uncle then head to Nirmal Niwas hai.
Gyanu uncle should probably blame them astrologers for their prediction hagi.

Yes, we used to hear them guff suff during the 90s that 'Gyanu uncle ko bhagya ma dui choti Raja bun-naw lekhya cha rey!'
I guess Kamal Thapa can now stop shouting like a crazy hobo.... Gyanu uncle is not coming back for the third tyam ... but you never know ... this is Nepal and we are Nepalis, we like to go back and forth kya... we want our netas , then they screw up and we want the King then again.. we want them clowns back.

Well, all of them only care about the dhukuti while it's getting really tough for us to afford a packet of sukuti abuh tuh!
Anyways, hope all of you had a wonderful Dashain.

And yes, them Rupees from your elders won't help you pay off your gambling debts but it's always nice to receive blessings from our elders and they really think you will be a doctor or a thulo manchey ... when you know that your degree in business administration will not provide you an opportunity to perform a brain surgery kya.

And talking about 'thulo' manchey.... Devokta dai lay bhan-noo bhaatho ni.. "Man (a person) becomes great by his heart, not his caste" ... so it doesn't matter if you are from the priestly class or a great-grandson of Chandra Shumsher or your grandfather was once a prime-monster of Nepal... if you are a jackass then you are a jackass ni.

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