Sunday, October 2, 2011

Dashain Greetings....

Dashain is here... the first day of Dashain was last week but them official holidays start from tomorrow kya. Kathmandu will shut down, except Fire & Ice and a few of them other eateries and them malls will be open hola but your favorite local chiya pasal will not be open for business.

More than a million folks are expected to go home to their gaun and sahars. And as usual, them bus companies are thugging (cheating in Angrezi). A few years ago, I decided to take a bus to another gaun and had to sit on a stool for like 9 hours ... and on my way back, even them stools were taken so was standing up all the way to Kathmandu.

Even them airlines tickets are all sold out and if you really want to fly then you better meet them folks hanging or loitering around TIA (Tribhuwan International Airport and not 'Tinnu in Action' ni feri).

But our Nepal Police have arrested two black-market wallahs rey. They had like 20-30 tickets and nearly 2 lakhs in cash. Now our police-wallahs @ the airport will have a good Dashain. A note to our black-wallahs ... please pay off them cops hai ... don't be greedy, share the loot and everybody will be happy. Yestai ho Naya Nepal ko chalan kya!

And if our media says, the police confiscated '16 tickets' then just add 50-80% more and do the same with the cash hai. So if they catch a guy with 17 boras of firecrackers worth 2 million then they will tell the media that it was 8.5 boras worth 1 million ... hehe!

Dashain ho.. sabai lai kharcha chai halyo ni. Working class people can only afford them 2-3 joad kapadas for their loved ones and maybe 100-200 Rupees for them tika sika. Ani the thulo mancheys lai abuh two pair of undies lay kaha pugcha ruh. They want a new scooter for their daughter, a new vehicle for their wives and maybe ek-dui peti (not the 'coat' but 1-2 crore bhanya) for themselves.

And our Health Minister, Mr. Rajendra Mahato seems to be flushed with cash this Dashain. He invited them journalists to his mantri quarter and handed out them Dashain greeting cards. And our patrakars found them cash inside them cards rey.

Like them Ranas (during the 'Shree Tin' Raaj!) , Mahato had also classified them journalists according to their status hola ni... Some got 10 grand, some 5 and I guess them daily tabloids wallah got only 1,000 Rupees.

Out of 60, 12 journalists returned the money rey. If we were to do some math sath then 80% of them patrakars are chors and tyehi 80-20 rule holan-tuh! 20% lay ramro kaam garney, aroo baki sabai daaka haroo!

The minister's PA even tried to convince them patrakars to take the money as Dashain gift rey. Ani our 'Health Mantri' tells us that he only handed out them greeting cards. I guess, either he didn't know what he was handing out or his PA really wanted them journalists to write 'good' stuff about Mahato!

Mahato has made nearly 5 crores rey. This is not the first tyam he's been a mantri. He was Industry, Commerce and Supplies mantri a while ago. Tyeti bela pani tyestai natak rey.

Yes, our Madeshi netas are having fun but they should realize that this is not some Indian states where them netas are garlanded with Rupees kya. Instead of helping the people from Terai .. these arseholes are asking them Madeshis a plastic jhola full of cash for them government jobs and what not.

Next tyam, could he be a more discreet? Instead of slipping them Rupees inside them greeting cards, why not ask our journalists to text their bank account numbers and he can use them banks haroo ko mobile payment service ni.

And while our mantris are distributing them cash sash, our NRNs seem to be suffering from recession like every other bideshis... hehe! NRNA (Non-Resident Nepali Association) has asked our poor government for 30 lakhs to organize their conference here in Kathmandu.

I hope them NRNs were only trying to be funny hola. Whatever happened to Dr. Upendra Mahato? Are them Russian gangsters not investing in his projects anymore? Or did the current NRNA Executive Committee piss of our Dr. Saheb?

NRNA tells us that they just want our government to pitch in a few Rupees to ensure government participation rey. Lau kay bhanya tyesto? Our ministers demand not only them 'chartered helicopters' but also allowances for their wives, chora , bhanja and saalis whenever they visit some district for some function by non-government entities.

Thank God, the global conference is in Kathmandu and not in Namche Bazaar. I don't think it would be tough to get our mantris to do some ribbon-cutting, give their 'dui-sabdas' and drink like a fish and ask for some cash from our NRNs ni.

Happy Dashain everyone! My 'one' year ko natak has now come to an end. Yes, a year ago my friend promised me Khasi if I wrote my guffs every single day. If I was out in Rolpa or Dolpa and without internet access then I could come back and write the missing posts as well (but not to exceed more than 72 hours rey).

I have never been a disciplined person. My favorite movie die-log is from Apollo 13... 'successful failure' ... hehe! I have never successfully completed any tasks assigned.. ever in my life except this one hola! So, I win... but we forgot to decide on the khasi's weight sweat etiyaadi so we decided to call up a guy who did his Master's in Conflict Resolution.

Well, my friend is willing to contribute Rs 10,000 to a local school in Dolpa run by a bhai from Kathmandu. The bhai is coming to the valley this month. He spends like 6-7 months in Dolpa and the rest in Kathmandu when the weather is too cold up there.

I am planning to organize a fundraising dinner sinner for his school. So if you are interested, do let me know hai. I will invite you ni... but of course, I cannot disclose my identity because then I will have to kill you.. hehe!

Lau tuh.. Sabai lai Dashain ko subha-kamana ... ani tapai ko pariwar lai pani.

Now, I have 24 hours to decide if I want to continue another bet with the same friend.

If I continue to write for another year, the bet-wallah will invest in my low-budget Nepali flick (High Vision Hall ko laagi!)... a tribute to Rajnikanth where our 'Nepali' hero kills a daku with a gyante mula (the villain attacks him with a khukhuri but our hero throws a mula and the daku dies choking on it kya) and then saves a child from a grumpy Hippo (Zoo ma shooting garney ni) and finally falls in love with Rekha Thapa's look-a-like.. hehe!


  1. dear guffadi,
    congrats for completing the task sask :P
    please continue :)and happy dasai.

  2. @min... thanks and happy dashain to you and your family as well. Yes, now I have a new bet ... hehe.... arko barsa chahi Nepali Rajnikanth (low budget flick) banau-noo parla hehe!

  3. great! looking forward to it :D