Free Desi Deals?

Published today ...The Week/Republica

Dr Saheb is on his official trip to India. He knows Delhi very well and has friends there from his university days. And he also spent many years there as an NRN during his stint as an ‘underground’ guerilla ni.

Delhi has changed a lot since Dr Saheb and his better half were dating kya. I hope Dr Saheb will get to visit the new airport, ride on a metro and also check out the Delhi public buses and maybe he can bring some changes here in the Valley when he gets back.

I sometimes feel sorry for him. Wouldn’t it be better if we had the local elections so we could have our own mayors and mayor-nis to solve our local problems than the PM spending his valuable time figuring out how to solve the traffic problems of the Valley?

For the first time in history, we have a PM who can match the educational credentials of his Desi counterpart. Both have PhDs and they can always talk about their dissertations if they run out of guffs ni.

It has become a tradition for a PM of Nepal to get invited by the Desi PM to have samosa and tea at 7 Race Course Road, Delhi. And our PMs normally make their first official foreign trip to India as well.

Comrade Chairman made history when he broke the protocol and instead went off to China to watch the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. Most of us have been to Delhi but not to the Olympics ni. So he probably gets to brag about it hola.

Jhallu Baba didn’t get the invite to hang out in Delhi. He must still be mad at them Desis. Yes, the Indians can act petty but I guess they just returned the “snubbing” favor.

So a word of advice to our politicians: if you’re always asking your neighbors for favors, then it’s better not to badmouth them, or try to play one against the other kya.

Since we all know how to flatter and grease the palms, why not use our “national” skills when it comes to foreign diplomacy kya? Our big neighbors do have big egos and if we want good deals, then we better boost their egos ni.

We just have to praise them and tell them repeatedly how big and mighty they are. Everybody likes compliment ni, hoina ra?

We hear that the Desis plan to shower Dr Saheb with gifts. No, I’m not talking about personal gifts because our Dr. Saheb doesn’t care if you wear a Zara or a Dora kya.

If we can get the Indians to give us some free electricity, then maybe we can spend more quality time with our families, watching the Desi family TV serials this winter.

Our Army Chief gets to be the “Honorary” General of the Indian Army, and vice versa. How come we can’t have something similar for our PMs as well? Wouldn’t it be cool? Our former Chief Sahebs get free golf passes at the Indian Army clubs hola and maybe our PMs will get to crash at their PM’s residence once in a while ni.

And hope the Desi border guards will stop harassing our folks at the border once they get a call from their “Honorary” PM in Kathmandu.

Dr Saheb is expected to ask the Desis for a billion-dollar loan. Maybe he should’ve visited Dhaka and asked the Bangladeshis how they managed to get a better deal from them Desis?

Talking about loans, our “Dons” seem to be loaded. Parshuram Basnet, the Khalasi-turned-Don in Biratnagar is yet to be arrested but now his bank accounts have been frozen rey.

According to our media, Basnet made like 800 million Rupees in the last five years. If we can only get our top 100 dons to kindly donate (Maoist lingo would be: voluntarily or transfer) their ill-gotten wealth, then we wouldn’t have to ask the bideshis for loans hagi?

Basnet owns ek karod ko gaadi, dui karod ko ghar and even gifted his supporters 200 motorbikes rey. I think our journalists have confused him with Rajnikanth. Rajnikanth has fans. Basnet has his hoodlums ni.

Every year, we import like Rs 750 million ko Chinese apples from Khasa while our farmers in Jumla are dumping theirs because they can’t afford the helicopter charter flights to sell their stuff in the Valley ni.

Maybe Basnet can turn his life around like our CA member, Baban Dai. He can buy us all a bag of Chinese apples and he will still have 50 million Rupees left in the bank.

Then what? Well, he’s already a “yuva neta” and now it’s about tyam he moved into the big leagues and followed the footsteps of many great dons who have managed to cross over to the great game of politics.