Chinese Apples...

According to them latest figures from our Tataopani Customs Office, we imported like 170 million Rupees ko Chinese apples for Dashain rey. I guess a lot of folks are eating apples instead of kashi ko masoo hola ni.

An apple a day keeps a doctor away bhanchan kyaaruh.... but I would rather buy them Jumla ko apples ni taruh kay garney.... our farmers in Jumla are throwing away their apples kinnuh bhaney bato ghato nai chaina ani kay helicopter charter garey ruh Kathmandu ma apple bech-nay?

Our netas and sarkaari hakims need to learn a thing or two from them Chindia hola.... first let us save our farmers kya. Yeso bato sato banai dim naw..... why are we sending billions of Rupees to our dosa & dumpling brothers. It's not only apples... we import nearly everything and even masoo nai barsa ma 15-20 billion Rupees ko tuh hami desi bhai lai tir-chau!

Yestai ho .... Naya Nepal ma... harek barsa we spend like Rs 750 million for them Chinese apples rey and every year, our government would rather help them fertilizer dealers and bideshi agricultural companies than our own farmers.

Yes, we have all heard of them Amrikan company pushing for their seeds weeds here in Nepal. Let us not blame them Amrikans.... they are capitalists and if one of their companies want to make money here then the Amrikan Embassy will help them ni.

But I think it's tyam we do some kind of a protest rally against 'Monsanto' ... baroo we tell them Amrikans 'No Monsanto.... baroo send us Lady Gaga' or something like that... hehe! Abuh NepalUnites should do a rally in front of the Amrikan Embassy kya. Hami pani support garoom-laa... baroo let's have a 'Lady Gaga' concert in Rangasala paid for by the Amriki People (USAID!) ki kaso?

Ani hamro government chahi.... we only talk about them unfair treaties with India and what not but when it comes to our products, our netas really don't care if our farmers go hungry, or them byaparis get hassled by them custom wallahs in India kya.

Let us not blame them Desis for everything kya. Yestai taal ho bhaney tuh, we will probably be buying drinking water from India or China someday .... hehe!

And Parshuram, the former bus conductor turned 'Don' is in the news again. His bank accounts have been frozen rey. Finally, our cops have followed the Amriki formula to get them criminals hola. You can't arrest them goondas because all of them seem to be protected by our great netas... but you can get them for money laundering and other nataks ni.

Al Capone got busted for tax evasion back in them days .... maybe we can get not only mundrey goondas but all of our netas as well if our Department of Money Laundering Investigation (there is one!) really gets their act together ni.

Parshuram Basnet is still hiding somewhere.... our sources tell us he is eating chicken chilly in Kathmandu but he is yet to be arrested and we all know why ... our netas like him a lot and our cops can't arrest him or else they might be transferred to Dolpa, Rolpa etiyaadi.

Basnet made like Rs 800 million in the last five years rey. What? That's like 80 croroes Rupees... ten million dollars! Abuh kay ko Amrikan Dream ni... Nepal ma yetti ka paisa kamau-ney rahecha... maybe the Gambino family in Queens should apply for a Nepali Green Card hola ... hehe!

So if you are a criminal and want to make billions then join a youth group of some political party. Youth Force and YCL seem to be the top two football clubs ... hehe! But if you are in Terai then even the Forum Wallahs have good players as well!

Basnet even gave like 200 bikes to his supporters rey. What's wrong with our media-wallahs? They are not his supporters (he is not Rajnikanth!).... baroo, it's more like his cronies and chamchas kya. If you want to be a don then you better have 100-200 mundrey goondas at your side ni.

He has houses worth crores in Biratnagar and investments in hoarding board factory, mosquito net factory etiyaadi rey. Basnet may have started out as a Khalasi but he is a pretty smart guy hagi. You can't go wrong with them mosquito nets kya.

And our government will request them Desi bhais to increase their annual aid to Nepal rey... ani they also plan to ask for a loan of US$ 250 million rey. I think our netas should take a course on diplomacy or maybe ask them Bangladeshis kya. The Banglas got like a billion dollar ko loan from the Desis... maybe Baburam dai should visit Dhaka and have a fish curry before he heads to Delhi kya.

Ki chai... instead of asking bideshis for loan soan... why not ask our own loan sharks (Dons) instead hoinuh ruh? Parshuram alone is worth ten million dollars and we have other Dons like Ganesh dai, Milan dai, Deepak dai etiyaadi.... so if we can get like top 100 Dons to pitch in then our government should be able to build a highway in Jumla kya.

And if Parshuram Basnet really wants to change his ways like our CA member, Baban Singh ... then he should just sell his holdings and buy them Chinese apples for all of us hola. And he will still have like 50 million Rupees left .. hehe! Ani tyo paisa lay arko choo-naab (election) ma afai uth-nay ni... goonda batuh neta banney ni... kun chai naulo kura ho ruh?