Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Constitution....


The Constitutional Committee´s sub-committee has finally decided on the name of the new constitution as 'The Constitution of Nepal' rey... lau badhai cha! So what was the old name? The "Corrupt Clowns' Cookbook" ki khoi kay thiyo?

Our CA members spent less than 100 minutes doing the 'CA Yoga' thing this past year! So... as they extend their 'one more year' for more bhatta-satta ... we hope they go to work like we do ... 10 to 5 every day except Saturday! If not ... then our 'face-booking', twittering Kathmanduites should stop hanging around Maitighar .. baroo get a big-arse taalcha and lock them CA free-loaders inside BICC for a year kya!

And then we can all have cheesecakes, party all night and celebrate the 'BICC' Bandh .... hehe! I want to see our Miss Nepal bitch-slap them police-wallahs, Anil Chitrakar should give a nice flank-kick to them hawa-taari political goondas who show up for some nataks as well.

Paras Dai should also join the rally hola.. well, he seems to be taking 101 class on 'labor disputes'... now he is going around town acting like a trade-union neta! So if you are fired from a casino then please contact Paras Dai.. he will fix things up for you hai!

And talking about the constitution.... here are some changes I would like to see:

1. National Song:

I think 1974 AD ko 'Yo mun tuh Nepali ho' or something like that.. should be our national anthem and not the current 'Saya Thoonga' which sounds like you want to grab a Tongba and sulk in a corner!

Holy cow... no more... so let's have our stray dogs as National animals.. hai! National Flower: If you are one of the 'Shiva & Co' ko trance srance group then you can grow pot in a pot in your backyard... if not, for the rest of us , we will take 'Sish-Noo' ... so that our herbal diet faddies can have Sish-Noo soup and if not happy with our politicians ... we can just beat them up with a Sish-Noo broom .. ki kaso?

2. President instead of Prime-Monster:

Yes, let's go the Amriki way.... no more parliamentary circus act where coalition government and vote of no-confidence nataks bound to happen again and again! And if Prachandoo wants to be President then he can be so for a maximum of two terms then retire and go back to Chitwan and open a dairy farm or something!

And instead of having a new prime-monster every six months who run away with them SUVS paid for by our tax Rupees... let's have the Prezzie.. who really runs a country rather than cutting ribbons and attending every event in town!

3. Minimum qualification to be a President:

He or She must be 35 years old! Why? Because Buddha attained enlightenment at 35 so Buddha rules! And not more than 65 year old! Yes, we don't want viagra-fied grumpy old man or 'hot flash' aunties who are too hot to handle kya! With due respect to our senior citizens but it's tyam to follow your dreams like.. climbing Everest or bungee-jumping rather than going around the country giving fokatey ko bhaa-shawns ni!

Must have a facebook account for at least 5 years and updated his or her status at least once every six months. Twitter is optional... not everyone can express themselves in 140 characters..haha!

4. Caning as in 'Okay Laah... one for you .. can can!' .. the Singaporean eestyle!

Yes, if you burn them tyres, vandalize stuff and do your goonda-gardi then you should be caned! Ghoos khayo.. lau uslai 12 korra .... Aroo lai lootyo ... 10 korra.... Kasai lai kootyo .... 6 Korra ... yesari nai garoom na hai!

5. National Language:

Mandarin! Well, we will learn Hindi Sindi from the Bollywood movies. Some of us still don't speak Nepali.... so .. why not go 'Mandarin' .... then everyone will have to learn a new language.... but if you already know Mandarin then one korra for you and better learn Cantonese in a year or get 2 korras .. haah!

And when our politicians visit India... instead of speaking in Hindi and kissing them Desi arses... they can speak in Mandarin and just scare the Desi TV-wallahs.... and the so-called RAW agents as well!

Our netas will be saying ' Where can I get a nice Chicken-Fly-Lice in Chandani Chowk' and the Desis will think .. 'Are they talking about nuking us?' haha!

Well.. we still have another 8 days to go before we celebrate ... 'one more year' of the CA Circus.. so if you have your 'stuff' you would want to include in this 'Guffadi' constitution then do send me your 'maag' saag as well!

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