Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Adulteration of Everything.....

Some folks use VISA or Mastercard or their parents ... but our government uses India as a credit card... hehe! Them Desis have agreed to give us 45+ million US$ credit rey so that we can have some petrol setrol for the next two months .... the Indians might think we will be grateful... haha... nope, our netas will go back to blaming India again ... come May 28th!

Nepal Oil aka 'No Oil' Corporation (NOC) ko losses so far is like 200+ million US$ dollars rey and every month, they lose like 30 million Amriki dollars because our government does a great job by subsidizing fuel suel ... and when them oil prices go up ... NOC gets cranky and them IOC (the Desi fuel-wallahs) stops delivery because we fail to pay the bill sill kya!

We really have no option but to raise them prices kya.... and if we do then we should stop providing 'free fuel' to our netas and their chamchas! And no more bonuses to our great NOC employees who make more money , skimming fuel and what not!

Yes, them Micro-Bus fares will probably go up by 50% but then our netas think the jantas will burn tyres and slap more netas if they raise the price srice rey... so Jhallu baba doesn't want to get slapped twice... this tyam tuh feri ali badi nai slap aula ni... hehe!

But.. how come nobody complains when tarkaari ko vow (price) is up by 100%,? Raaga ko masoo ko price was Rs 30 when Girija Babu came to Kathmandu with nothing but few 'Yak' churots and now, Girija is gone and it's like Rs 200+ .... and when them land prices were crazy ... nobody complained... so I guess we need to introduce them 'ration cards' like them Desis!

How about... if you have a bike sike then you get the first 25 ltrs per month @ them subsidized rates and after that you pay the 'real price' if you want to go to Daman or go to Muktinath kya! If you own a car, you get nothing ... hehe! If you have enough dough to buy a car for $15,000 US$ (10 lakh badi!) or more then I guess you have enough to pay the 'International' price... hoinuh ruh?

Them Micro-buses in the Valley should get subsidized fuel... because everyday, hundreds of thousands of folks use them 'Vaidya' vehicles to go to work kya! And our hakim sahebs and them netas and ghoos-khoris should stop getting 'free fuel' so that they can go to some wedding or some 'meeting' seating etiyaadi!

I would love to see Kathmandu ... only with them electric vehicles but batti nai chaina... but since we have many tall-arse buildings now... maybe we can all go para-gliding some day ... hola! We won't need any fuel, electricity... but just more hawa sawa!

According to CNN... not... we will have like a million motorbikes in the next 5 years! Ahiley chahi 400,000+ cha rey! So it's about tyam... we do the 'odd-even' number plate thing in Kathmandu valley as well!

Why? So... that them gaadis and bike-wallahs can also ride them Micro-Buses at least 2-3 tyams a week kya! And this goes for our sarkaari gaadis as well! And then we can meet our hakim sahebs and netas @ Ratnapark and maybe we can all slap them around once in a while!

And them electric vehicles ko taxes should be zero sero .... err.. okay, we also don't have electricity but come monsoon season... when we do get more batti... then we can all charge it up and drive around ni! Or when them streets are flooded we can all go kayaking hola!

We also have to introduce them car-pooling thing here in the valley! And how about bike-pooling as well? So if you are driving around then you must have at least 2 more folks with you and if you are on a bike then somebody needs to be behind you grabbing your belly or something!

Wouldn't it be fun? Like our khalasis ... shouting 'Jawlakhel or Ratnapark' ... them so-called bike-wallahs will be all shouting for somebody to get behind them or our so-called 'khandaani' folks begging folks to get in their vehicles (free ma!).. just so that they can cross the Bagmati bridge!

Since most of our sarkaari karmacharis seem to spend their days , either drinking chiya and guffa-maaring... why not have our offices open from 8pm to 4am baroo... maybe things will get done on tyam and no jaam saam pani due to our so-called netas running around town with their security.. during the day ..hehe!

And I can understand ... middle-class folks buying them sano gaadis (used bhaye pani!).... they have to go to weddings and bhoj and you know them taxi-wallahs at night... they charge in dollars! So ... my advice would be.. stop attending them weddings ... you will not only save some money on fuel but also them medical bills due to them chillo-khana as well and no need to buy them expensive saaris and gold sold maala and top sop pani!

Khoi manchey khana paako chaina... ani khoi chai Soon (gold) ko dalla liyeruh ghoomi raachan.. baroo Noon (salt) ko dalla chahi pathaye hooncha in gau ghar tiruh?

But why the @#$! do you need them SUVs kya.... people driving around in them 100,000+ US$ dollars parney gaadi... Kathmandu ko bato maa!
If they think have made it .... then these fools should all move to Amrika and baroo buy two more SUVs with the price they pay here!

I have no problem with folks driving around in them SUVs (actually I do..haha!) or spending Rs 50,000 for a saari (baroo buy Sonia Gandhi-style saari kya... she still looks better than our Sujata auntie and her fugly eestyle!) ... okay, it's your money and good for you .... your father or mother or uncle is either a neta, a so-called business-wallah (fake VAT Bills gang!)... but keep your fake-ass sophistication ki kay bhancha ni... to yourselves kya!

But if you made your money without stealing, without evading them taxes and without selling adulterated stuff then you should buy a G6 and travel around the world or ... build toilets for them millions of Nepali folks who are hugging out in the open everyday! (Yo 'hugging' chahi tyo Rangasala ko cheu ma signboard ma lekhya cha!)

Being cultured is not ... walking around with them Louie-Vootan bag sag (original maal) and talking about going to Venice... buy them jute bags, go visit Dolpa,... and stop asking your 12 year old domestic help to make your bed and breakfast kya!

Nothing wrong with them 'designer' stuff but please... go read them World Bank or the CIA guide or something... we are one of the garib rastras kya!

If you have that much cash ... just maintain them road soad in your neighborhood and maybe name it after your grandfather or family name.. baroo install solar batties tole sole ma... so when your foreign friend comes to visit Kathmandu ... you can at least show him or her .. your neighborhood and not worry about the big-arse garbage in front of your house.

Well... I don't give a @#!$ what them bideshis think ... .they are here for ghoom-gham but hami tuh yeha nai basney ho ni... so when will we wake up and smell the petrol or pani misa ko doodh ko chiya or the Bagmati river? Ghar vitra chahi 5 lakh ma garden sarden banau-ney, ghar bahira ko fohor chahi uthau-naw naw-sakney lai kay bhanney khoi?

Go to Dharan or if you don't have tyam and less petrol then visit Nakhipot ..hehe!

And nothing wrong with going to them 'bideshi' places for vacation or conferences ... but when you come back... at least do something like... car-pooling hehe... or giving back to the needy ones or something... so if you have been to Bangkok then spend your day here doing Namaste to everyone or if Paris then just laze around, smoking, drinking wine and talking about how Americans are fat or something!

If you did go to Singapore... then open a 'Ok Laah' club here in Kathmandu and start caning people who throw them trash bato maa or if you have been to Saudi then I guess you should chop off them hands hola.... chor ruh Don son haroo ko.. hehe.. sorry ... that wasn't right!

And if you have been to China ... then start a new communist party , promoting death penalty for 'corrupt netas and chor byaparis' like them fools selling adulterated fuel, food, cement , raksi .. what? Everything is adulterated in Nepal.. even our politics pani! I guess somebody needs to get into the 'rope' business hola. I hear them Bihari prisons ka guest haroo makes really strong ropes for hanging sanging rey! Feri Desi lay nai paisa kamau ney bhayo!

BTW.. I am against capital punishment 99% of the tyam.... but I think I will leave that 1% for human traffickers and corrupt netas and hakim sahebs!

And everybody who has them nagariktas should take a test or something... like name all 75 districts and 14 zones ... oops.. sorry... that would be old school and going back to the pre-republic days hola.... now, we don't know if there will be a country to call our own .. so let's forget the geography quiz hola!

But just for fun... I think we should ask all them CA members to sit down and write all them names of our districts and zones before they even think about federalism and what not! Let's see who scores the highest.. well, we all know Baburam will ace it ... but I think 99% of our CA members will fail... when it comes to them districts hola!

I also don't know either but I am not a CA member ni and I don't get 'free fuel' and them bhattas or them 'passports' ... well... none of us do ... so khoi kay garne.... euta cycle kinnay ... kaam jaaney, ghar auney... ani blog lekhney.. haha!

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