Saturday, December 5, 2015

Wealth is Health

Our grandfathers used to tell us that if you are healthy then you are wealthy. I guess what they meant was that if you are in shape then you can always work hard and be successful. And honesty is also an important factor in your success as well.

But when it comes to our good for nothing politicians in this country, it is completely the opposite.  For us to expect our politicians to be honest is like asking a five-year old to stay put and not move an inch while you make him or her sit on a bora full of candies.

Most of our clowns are obese due to state perks and bribes. Most of them seem to suffer from high blood pressure and other ailments that come with drinking too much milk tea in the morning and Black Label in the evening. 

We have yet to find a politician who suffers from gastric problems. But of course, tons of red meat and bottles of bidheshi whiskey will mostly likely trouble your heart and liver.

I guess it would be better if our government serves alcoholic beverages and chicken chilly during the so-called talks between our ruling clowns and our great Madhesi netas. I think we will have a deal by the evening and India will not prevent the trucks from entering our land. 

But of course, we must not blame India. That would piss off our Madhesi Maharajas. Instead of going to Delhi, shaking hands with a lady and eating Samosas, Kamal Thapa should hop on a chariot and head to Birgunj and hold talks there. 

Health-wise, our politicians are not in good shape and when they suffer from various major illnesses, they just ask the state to foot their bill. Yes, let the taxpayers pay for the air ambulances and treatment at hospitals overseas while common folks spend their life savings.

Our former Prime Monster SuKo has spent more than 2 Karods from the state treasury to visit Amrika for his medical treatment. Our current PM Oli is not far behind. He has spent more than a Karod. 

Thanks to the blockade, our hospitals are running out of medicines but our incompetent government does not seem to care at all. Well, our hakim sahebs, mantris and so-called VVIPs don’t have to worry about medicines or other daily essential goods.

No Oil Corporation (NOC) seems to have enough fuel only for our politicians. These buffoons have no shame to drive around the capital with their usual APF wallahs. Our IGP saheb should also check on his fellow police wallahs. 

My local gas dealer received 70 cylinders of half-filled cooking gas a few weeks ago. He didn't even call the cops but they showed up anyway and acted like they were helping him to manage the queue but then our police wallahs in civil dress managed to hoodwink everyone and made off with eight cylinders.

It seems that Dashain is still in full swing for our police wallahs. The men and women in blue at major checkpoints in the valley are making a killing. Either they confiscate the fuel or ask for chiya kharcha from our black marketers. 

I think our Nepal Police should set up a separate hotline. Yes, just dial 420 and order ten liters of petrol for Rs 300 and a cylinder of gas for Rs 8,000.  Add a little extra so that the police van can deliver it at your home.  

Well, we can’t blame the constables and Hawaldars for asking for recharge cards and chiya kharcha. They too have to deliver most of the confiscated fuel and gas cylinders to their hakim sahebs. 

I think our CDO sahebs in the valley can do us a great favor if the confiscated cooking gas cylinders and fuel could be distributed through a lottery system. The lucky ones will get to drive around the city for a week and have enough cooking gas to last them a month or two. 

The unlucky ones can share a ride with the winners and maybe visit their homes for at least one fully-cooked meal of dal, bhat and some masu. Yes, let us help each other out in any way possible.

We don’t know when the never-ending talks between our Madhesi superheros and the Mandaley-Maoist-Maaley-Morons will end and we will get to sleep in peace and not worry about where to get our daily essentials goods. This week, we came to know how much our current ruling clowns have in their banks. 

Our comedian KP Oli has only seven lakhs in the bank and everything else is in his wife's name. I guess it's the communist thing to get married to a rich man's daughter and get everything in dowry. Kamal Dai has a few luxury vehicles and 110 tolas of gold. I guess he plans to donate his gold to Pashupatinath someday.  

Top Bahadur, our Energy Minister must have everything else except electric cookers because his promise to at least give us some electricity for lunch and dinner turned out to be another joke. Our government is a big joke and our mantris and civil servants are the ones who seem to be writing funny one-liners to entertain us during such crisis. 

Thank you Nepal Government for increasing the load shedding hours. I think it is better if we do it like our Muslim brothers and sisters during Ramadan. Instead for only a month, let's make it a year-long celebration of prayers and fasting from sunrise to sunset.  

Let us pray that we will not lose our minds and go crazy. Let us eat only one meal a day at midnight. The local butcher can make some sekuwa. We can ask the local pasaley to pitch in a bora of daal, rice and aloo. Let's do it like during the days when we were all in tents after the aftershocks. Let's use our open spaces to operate communal kitchens and share our food with each other. 

Our incompetent government will not help us. Our opportunist Madhesi netas think it is better to starve us all instead of asking us for our help to join in their protest programs. Comrade Biplab has made us all proud by shutting down the country to protest the shut down in Terai. 

What's next?  Don't be surprised if our Emperor Prachanda somehow uses his magic tricks to bring in the Madhesi and Kangaroos on board and then he gets to live in Baluwatar again. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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