Saturday, December 26, 2015

Votes and Notes

Christmas is a government holiday in Nepal. For Christians, it is the celebration of the birth of Christ. Churches around the country will celebrate Christmas mass while those who are not Christians will celebrate by wearing Santa hats and drinking till one drops on the floor or dead depending on the volume of alcohol consumed. 

Christmas decorations and celebration is a big thing in Asian countries as well. I think our byaparis at Durbar Marg should have organized a street festival for Christmas where a dozen Santa Claus sing songs of peace and joy even though the situation in this beautiful land of ours is completely the opposite. Our Santas should then distribute cooking gas cylinders, drums of petrol and cooking oil to lucky attendees.

It would have been nice if Oli had dressed up as Santa Claus and visited temporary shelters across the country to distribute gifts to our children. But of course, our politicians want to stay as far away as possible from the common folks. 

Obama can shake hands and carry a baby or two. Well, now it's the turn of Hillary and other rednecks like Trump and his fellow Republicans to do their nataks but our politicians should learn a thing or two from the Western clowns. 
Christmas is not only religious but cultural celebration around the world as well.

Well, there are few countries that have banned Christmas and Kamal Thapa would love to join them if he becomes our Prime Monster some day. And don't be surprised if Mandaleys do become our Prime Monster. I guess Kamal Dai should continue to waste our taxpayers money by visiting as many countries as possible before this government falls down.

Anything is possible in politics. Look at our greatest comedian of all time, KP Oli. Our verbal warrior has now added half a dozen ministers in his cabinet. We now have 40 con artists and in a month or two, he will break Dr Saheb's record of 48 good for nothing freeloaders wasting our taxpayers' money by running around town as mantris.

Oli wants to return the favor to all those who voted for him during the PM contest. It doesn't matter if those political parties that cast their votes for Oli have only a seat or two in the House.

Ek Nath Dhakal is a minister again. His party has only two seats. Mr. Dhakal is the front man for the Moonies. With due respect to our Christian brothers and sisters in this land but how can a member of a Christian Cult become a mantri while genuine Christians have to defend their faith everywhere they go? 

It's all about money in this land. If Mrs Golcha can pay 7 Karods to be a CA member then just imagine how much a politician will have to pay the Prime Monster to become a mantri. Mr. Dhakal has already served as a minister during our Dr Saheb's 'road expansion' regime. He must have paid a billion Rupees then and he must be paying someone today as well. After all, he gets the dough from the Koreans. 

If we need a Christian politician to be in our cabinet then find a true believer who has fought for religious freedom in this land. There are hundreds of pastors who were prosecuted during the Panchey days. 

We have more religious freedom now but to be a Christian during the Mandaley days was like being ready to be tortured and then disappeared by the state. Yes, our Panchey regime did not like Christians and they had the same feeling for Congressis and Communists as well. 

But of course, our Congressis had all the fun and took this country down the drain. It did not even leave our state enterprises alone when they went on a looting spree. The Chinese gave us those trolley buses. The Japanese gave us those Sajha Buses. Our Nepal Airlines was flying to more than half a dozen international destinations. 

The government had their own brick, cement and tyre factories. Now, twenty five years later, we have either nothing or those enterprises are just bare skeleton of what they used to be in their hey days while they lose billions of Rupees each year and the staff get paid for sun bathing.

Our Communists got to rule for less than a year then and they were no different. But two decades later, with the King gone, our communists have been in power more than the Congressis. And they have turned out to be no different from other clowns or even the Pancheys. The people have always come last while only party cadres, cousins and contractors are on the top of the list for our politicians.

Yes, you need to distribute lots of notes to win elections in this land. And then you need to offer more notes to the ruling coalition if you want to become a mantri. Oli is also breaking up two ministries to form another two. Now, we will have a separate Ministry of Population and Environment and another Ministry of Sanitation and Drinking Water. Do we really need these two new ministries?

Our folks are already having fewer babies and in the next fifty years, we will have more senior citizens than young lads and ladies.  We are number one when it comes to the environment. We have no power for half the day and we don't use fossil fuel which really helps Mother Earth. 

But of course our government's policy of distributing wood may have contributed an increase of 0.01% pollution but it's not that bad as the Desi and Dumpling industries across our borders who pollute like crazy. The Americans and the Europeans contribute more than half when it comes to destroying this planet with their big polluting industries. 

At least here at home, we have to thank the Madhesi parties for the blockade and helping to shut down most of the industries in the land. And let us not forget to thank our major political parties and their trade unions for strangling the industries that seem to somehow operate even under these dire circumstances. We are not only helping the environment but also narrowing down our trade deficit with India.

Nepal Army saved us 40 Karods with their biskoot deal while Oli Swamy will waste the same amount by adding these two new ministries. Good Job! Our politicians really know how to loot state treasury and we are to blame for it because we are the ones who have elected these pick pockets. After all, what more can you expect from these thieves who know only how to rip off the public in this New Republic!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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