Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Ready...


Salman Khan has finally found his magic formula for raking in the moolah @ them Bollywood box-office kya! Go for them 'Tamil' remakes and ask your brothers to do the back-end job! That.. 'Main Aur Mrs. Khanna' was some piece of donkey crap but they hit the jackpot with Dabangg!

Dabangg rocked .... and the Khan family now have enough dough to buy their own yacht syaht hola ni... and Ready's first week collection is as mind boggling as them Dhinka Chika song wong! But it's not as good as Dabangg but will do since most of them feelims coming out this year have all been crap ni!

This movie should have been titled 'Not Ready... yet' hola because just adding few 'South' remix gaanas and asking Asin to flutter her eye-lids and do that 'Oh.. I am so laaz-lagaaing' smile is not going to cut it kya!

And after many years... Bollywood is back with them double-meaning die-logs and some new dance sance where you put your hands inside your pants and try to do them hand signals like some Traffic cop in Mumbai hola ni! It's like go left , go right.. I don't give a RamDev baba's arse or something like that!

And thanks to 'Ready' now all them Desi lads will not be looking for them traditional 'Desi' bride, who can sing like Lata, dance like Madhuri and cook like his mother. He will want a kutti-kamini gal rey! And once upon a tyam in Bollywood, them Govinda feelim ko song 'Sexy Sexy' was censored and KhalNayak's "What is inside your blouse?" was like listening to some R. Kelly's crap about how he got trapped in them closet..haha!

But it's a paisa-vasool feelim... you go to Salman Khan's circus act not to see his new hair-eestyle or his acting sacting... you go there to see him act like some tapori, dance like he still has them dumb-bells wrapped around his ankles sankles...hehe!

And I was really happy that finally Salman was not going to do his usual 'half-naked' dance& fight combo... but then it happened even if it was Asin imagining stuff and lusting after Salmaaney... Salman next tyam... just @#$!ing do a movie like... Tarzan in Mumbai or Jungle Man suffering from a mid-life crisis baroo.. .then you can show your 'he-man' body from the beginning to end!

Of course.. I get jealous because I don't have that kind of body sody... hola but I can understand if you are a life-guard in them Baywatch ko Desi remake see-make but... well, if that's what he is good at then... why complain? I will just drink Complan and try to grow few inches taller.. kay garney.. I hated Salmaaney for the last 20 years because he once came to Kathmandu back then and tried to get ziggy-wiggy with our women rey!

And I also hated Leonardo.. the 'Titanic' wallah when that movie came out .... no wonder.. my only song for them 'Karaoke' nights in them Chinese places in Singapore used to be 'Jealous Guy' by Johnny Dai..haha!

Anyways.. the movie is jpt.... but Salman could have done more if he went all action-pack and did more maara-maari like in that 'Wanted' hehe... or be himself like in Dabangg... in this feelim.. he is like.. I have an itchy bum and I really don't want to say my die-logs (unless I get to rip off my t-shirt kya!) because I just want some ice-pack on it!

Well.. Salman is finally comfortable with himself hola... well, he must still be tragedy-fied by Katrina leaving him for someone her own age sage.... but Salmaney is the 'Ladies Man' of Bollywood... next week, he might be driving around Mumbai with some 20 year old beauty hola!

And when you are them 'Feelmy' eestaar... then you can dress in them colorful loogas and date women half your age and still get away with it... in real life... they will either think you are a drag queen or just another sick pervert cum pedophile or what do they kuiresy call it.. 'cradle snatcher' ..haha!

Well, really looking forward to 'Delhi Belly' ... another Khan's production... I think Bollywood should go for a name change... how about Khan-O-wood or Khanistaan... I don't know ... hope my local DVD pasal will have the 'final print' copy instead of them 'hall' print when it comes out!

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