Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The King and I....

Ten years ago, we had them 'Royal Massacre' which shocked us all and the rest of the world as well! Late King Birendra is now known as the 'People's King' but I still remember them days when them so-called people were cursing 'Birey Chor, Desh Chod!' and everybody talked about them billions stashed away in Switzerland by Phampa Devi rey!

And then the late king decided to throw away the 'Panchey' baaja and decided to give our so-called netas a chance to do the right thing! So from 'Birey Chor' .... them people starting chanting 'Oh! how great thou King' or something like that!

When we had them so-called democracy for the second tyam ... people were expecting some real changes hola but our Congressi fools just went around, politicizing all them government agencies and sucking every profitable PEs dry and if we are to blame anybody for the mess we are in today.. then all blame goes to Girija Babu!

Then came the Maoists with their 40-point deal seal... nobody listened! Girija Babu thought he could squash them like flies and sent his private security guards aka Nepal police and all they did was kill them innocent villagers and rape women in them villages in Rukum and Rolpa!

And talking about them brutality, our Mao-buddies were killing them innocent headmasters, low-level security personnel left and right while them so-called 'enemies of the people' were paying off our comrades for protection kya!

And then one day, the Royal family was wiped out by our Dippy dai! Even today, 87% of Nepali folks don't believe that Dippy dai was the lone gunman! They all think that Gyanu uncle and Paras dai were behind this and what not!

How can a son kill his own father, his own family and relatives? Well, it happens all the tyam in Amrika because they have easy access to guns suns... and our Dippy dai had them automatic assault rifles and what not ... in his bedroom kya!

When them Columbine school shooting happened, them Amrikans couldn't believe that them teenagers would do such a thing! Yes, it happened and when it comes to them murderers.... there is no age limit kya!

It's not like... okay you have a driver's license ... now you are most likely to kill somebody or okay, your prostrate has swollen... you won't go crazy and kill your doctor.. hehe! Dippy dai did it... and even though Lt. Gen Vivek Shah in his book talks about them conspiracy theories... I really do think Dippy Dai did it and shit happens when you are pissed and you have enough arms and ammunition that would even make Rambo salivate!

Ten years ago, all my friends believed that Dippy dai didn't kill nobody... and even now, they still refuse to believe that when you have an automatic assault rifle and you are inside them room soom , then all it takes is a minute to kill them folks kya!

Today, we are not here to talk about our netas or them conspiracy theories! What if .... our Royal family were still alive?

King Birendra would still be walking to Thamel to visit his daughter and son-in-law and play with his grandchildren hola! We wouldn't have Prachandoo as our new Emperor!

Every year... the Royal palace would invite all the scouts (kids) from the schools to attend some program inside the palace kya! It used to be fun... and you would see the King walking around and you just felt like you were in the presence of God!

Dippy Dai would still be hanging around Blue Fox restaurant in Jawlakhel with his friends and acting like a decent human being! We wouldn't have Prakash Dahal acting like a crown prince or Rubel Chowdhury acting like the 'foreign' prince kya!

And maybe if Queen Aishwarya would have changed her mind by now and Dippy dai would be happily married to Devyani! Yes, our queen gets a bad rap ... but she is a queen ni! She is supposed to act that way hola!

Princess Shruti would be attending them arts exhibitions and what not! She loved painting rey! Did you know that she used to be them 'high jump' champion ... yes, we used to have them 'Birendra Shield' every year where schools in the valley would participate in them track and field events!

Prince Nirajan would be the most eligible bachelor in town hola or maybe he would have married a commoner .. who knows? The only tyam I ever saw the 'Little' Prince was when I went to Budhalinkantha to sit for my 'O' levels entrance exams. Word of advice chahi... never draw funny cartoons when you are supposed to invent a new theorem and don't throw buns in the canteen... people are watching kya...hehe!

So.. I was going home after them exams and during them days.. we had them Vikram Tyampoos.. mean-arse thing .. ahiley tuh sabai EV banayo kyarruh! So.. was cracking jokes and singing KISS ko song wong.. ani pachadi tuh euta SUV with some cop, neatly dressed and smiling!

Pachadi ko seat ma .. was Prince Nirajan... but the cop kept on smiling. I couldn't figure out why ... but after 10 minutes... I realized that tyo cop tuh mero thulo bau ko choro po rahecha.. hehe!

And of course.. he called my house that evening and informed my World Bank donors (my parents) that I was smoking like crazy and dancing inside a Vikram Tyampoo as if I was drunk on them quarter of Dudhiya (remember then whitey-sugary raksi.. hehe!).

The coolest award of the year used to be the 'Gorkha Dakshin Bahu' ... (most of them folks got the IV class kyaaruh!) and today, all them journalists, civil society leaders and businessmen who talk about 'Republic' and how we are finally free, still keep their 'Gorkha Dakshin Bahu' wrapped safely in his or her dhukuti!

Well... what if bhanney koora tyestai ho! They are dead... gone .. and though most of us still hate Gyanu uncle and Paras dai for everything after that, we should not forget that they are also human beings! They have lost their loved ones ... losing your siblings and their families would drive you crazy ni!

But I guess... our House of Shah have always been strangled, first by them 5 families , bhai-bhardars and then the Ranas and then the Pancheys ... and at the end of the day... Gyanu uncle just didn't understand that running a country is like running them businesses kya!

You have to hire competent people kya.. he did try hola... but Jagat Gauchan is only competent in kicking people's arses... so that one is a FAIL..hehe! But he just couldn't win the popularity contest... after all he was not his brother... but he made the same mistake kyaaruh!

He refused to kiss India's arse like our netas... remeber them tyam when we wanted to buy some anti-aircraft stuff from the Chinese and India closed our borders and helped Girija Babu and gang to have fun ... Gyanu decided to ride alone and now we have the Mao-buddies and Madeshi netas having all the fun!

Baroo.. choop chaap, tyo Thailand ko Raja jastai basya bhaye... dherai batho bhayo bhaney tyestai hooncha rey!

And politics is about compromise bhanchan ni... either way our so-called corrupt clowns would be running them government... so he should have let it go long before the shit hit the fan kya!

If he didn't want our Kangaroos and Unidentified Moronic Losers to make extra pocket money then he should have joined hands with the Maoists ni... lastuh ma gayeruh .. he would still have been the king ni!

Yestai ho..... Gyanu uncle will open his own political party soon. Yes, I predict like the Barca-Man U game jastai... but today, let us forget about all them clowns hai!

Today, let us remember our late King and his family... pray for them departed souls... we miss you guys... a lot!

1 comment:

  1. must admit... i miss the royals just as much (by royals i refer to the one in the picture above)!! great read:)