Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Return of the King....

Nepal has lot of Babas and Matas! My vow-zoo (Thulo Bau ko Choro ko Shrimati) tells me to take my China (chee-naa kay tyo astrology chart sart hooncha ni!) to this college professor who lives in Kupondole and then there is this pandit in Kalanki .... jaska you have to get a coupon and your paalo comes ... like.. a year later rey!

Nepal ma .... everybody is into this Chee-na shit! Last tyam.. I had them session was when I was 17.... the guy said 'I will go west' ..... but I went East..haha! Pachi tuh West nai pugya ho taruh... pani jpt kya!

He said.. I will get married by 23 ... I am still a grumpy old man! I will marry a Sahuji ko chori rey. The Sahuji ran away to Amrika when his business failed and his daughter ran away with a Chinese guy from Hong Kong!

He asked me to take a lota, and puja ko sha-maan and go to the local temple every morning... @ 5:42 am sharp! I did that for a week but then got hit on by the desperate housewives from the neighborhood... no, I am not kidding!

The only tyam I visit Pashupatinath is when chimekis, relatives and friends pass away! Last time I was in a (Christian) funeral was when my junior school principal ko stopwatch stopped working. Yes, the old man always had them stopwatch around his neck kya! Used to be our English teacher, basketball coach and the old man could remember all them details even after 20-30 years kya!

And I still remember my 5th grade English teacher and his 'Age Quod Agis' very much.... he had to die on my birthday kya! Now... every year when I celebrate my birthday (I actually don't but I reflect deflect kya) ... I say a prayer for him as well! That was the first tyam... I attended a Christian funeral... and I still remember that day vividly!

When I die I want to be buried.... so that my loved ones can visit me once a year and tell me silly jokes (I will be listening kya!) instead of asking some guy to come home and talk gibberish and make some moolah kya!

My Angrezi was really good when I was in the sixth grade... because one had to memorize all them words from the Oxford English Dictionary kya! Then what happened.... then all them heavy metal thing happened ... haha!

Then took up Singlish 101 and now I speak with a 'Govinda' accent .... and I have met 129 folks in Kathmandu (Yes, I know how to count!) who are surprised that I spent so many years eating frozen burritos (microwave garney ni pachi!) and cheap Chinese take-out and I still don't speak Mandarin or Spanish... hehe!

Okay, let's get back to the story of the day kya! There is a Mata somewhere near Balkumari, which is near Gwarko and last week.. she said to her followers ... 'In the next 6-7 months... Gyanu uncle will come back and be the King again' rey!

And she didn't stop there... she followed it up with this 'If that doesn't happen then you guys can cut me into pieces' rey! Lau jaa.. while Gyanu Uncle will be cutting ribbons here and there, come this Mangsihr-Poush... Mataji will be cut into pieces... kay ho... is she a Zoroastrian now? Abuh where do we get them vultures kya?

Anyways... don't think the King will make a comeback abuh tuh... the best thing to do for him is follow the Indian Maharajas ko formula... join politics .... win that seat from Kathmandu and be a MP! Jasto jay bhaye pani.... Kathmandu Valley ko religious functions suctions haroo ma tuh nuh Yadav nuh Jhallu thik cha... baroo euta special post nai create garoom nuh... 'Chief Guest of Kathmandu Valley' CGKV .... sounds more like them Queen Elizabeth lay diney title shy-tall hagi?

And who knows ... maybe someday he can be the President or PM if our so-called leaders can't decide who gets to sleep @ Baluwatar? The biggest mistake Gyanu uncle made during his tyam as Lord Vishnu was... not jailing them sons of snitches (netas!) or sending them army folks to hang out at the local newspaper or FM , TV stations kya but trying to get some more bhatta as if he was a broke-ass hobo!

He should not have raised his bhatta from 10 crores a year to 60 ... I am not saying that... mero tole ko local chiya pasal ko President, former smackist (one who took smack!) and neighborhood poet laureate, Ram dai lay bhannoo bhaako!

What if .. Gyanu Uncle said.... don't worry jantas... I won't take a dime.. broo harek Dashain ma sabai lai mero khalti batuh 1 Rupaiya! It isn't much... you can either get one Halls or Hajmola with that but it would mean a lot .... ni!

Taruh... uha ko pani taal tyestai nai .. ani Desi bhai ko Biryani kha-dai neta haroo lay hami lai feri joker banai halyo hagi! If our politicians go their act together and really did something for the people then we would have forgotten the King Singh a long tyam ago kya!

But if this Mata is right then.. I guess Kamal Thapa and his multi-colored jhandeys should just relax and wait for another 6-7 months kya! Jo aye pani.. hami lai kay? Life goes on.... it doesn't make any difference.... well, our so-called parties won't be able to share the loot and have fun ni but Ram dai tells me 'It's better to feed a shark then feed hundreds of piranhas!'

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