Rule of Law?

***I have a weekly column with Republica... this guff was published (this is the editor's cut hai!) on June 24th, 2011 in The Week! Thank you to all them hawties and nawties @ Republica... and for giving me some bhatta satta so that I can contribute it to fund a local school in Dolpa***

Let’s forget about the Constitution! Our corrupt clowns (read netas) will lose out on the fun if they deliver the Constitution, kya. And we don’t want that, do we? Skimming the Budget meant for the poor and the needy is what our netas and their chamchas do!

What do we do?

Nothing!

The SLC results are out. Them folks at the Examination Comptroller’s Office should be penalized for bringing out the results a week earlier.

Or maybe our CA clowns can learn a thing or two from them. Can we at least get our first draft of the Charter a week earlier than promised?

No!

Do we really need a prime monster? I don’t think so. What we need is an official “ribbon cutter”’ so that the man from Baluwatar can stop wasting our taxpayers’ money on them security, fuel and what not to attend them exhibitions and fairs, kya.

What’s up with them security vehicles for our great crooks – oops, I meant cooks – because, after all, they are cooking the perfect recipe for “New” Nepal, hoina ra? Aren’t we tired of staring at them APF buffoons flailing and flapping their hands as if they intend to fly out of them vehicles?

Have you ever been behind them APF vehicles, driven by crazy security personnel who drive worse than a drunk driver? Or maybe they’re just trying to swerve around them potholes in the city, or they took their defensive driving course from some guy who was suffering from a bad itch?

I don’t know if Baluwatar gets them Himalayan spring water because whoever gets to crash, they all tend to be all chillo and moto-ghato! While Obama is going grey and probably suffering from ulcers, panic attacks and what not, our so-called leaders look like they’ve discovered the fountain of youth and they are just hitting puberty now, kya!

Sushil Da is in New York, drinking Slurpees and having a brainfreeze hola. Prachandoo will probably go on a one-day tour outside the country soon. I think he should just get a private jet. He can afford one, ni! And Jhallu Baba will get a new SUV when he walks out of Baluwatar. But until then, he should enjoy attending them art exhibitions and relax hola ni!

The great cabbie-turned-criminal-turned-political cadre is still nowhere to be found. Yes, I’m talking about that jackass in Biratnagar. UML (Unidentified Moronic Losers) still wins the award for hiring more local thugs to head their local Youth Force circus troupe, kya. I think the guy should be given a medal and a madal as well.

Why? Because he’s the face of “New”Nepal where the law is blind and so are we. And these goons can beat up journalists and taunt our poor police-wallahs to arrest them. And what can we learn from Parshuram Basnet? Well, if you want to make it big in this country and make billions, then make sure you grease the palms of every corrupt son of gun in town.

So the next time, you want to achieve the New Nepal dream, make sure you have all the contacts from local political leaders to cops to smugglers and contract killers. We’re turning into a mini Bihar while the real Bihar is slowly cleaning up its act.

Even our gangsters are taking their cue from them Desi movies!

So just make a list of folks you don’t want to mess with in our “New Nepal” – Cabbies, Crooks, Cops, and Corrupt Clowns! Don’t argue with a cabbie after dark. Either you pay his price or prepare to walk all the way home to eat your rice!

Don’t try to be a hero by trying to fight with them crooks. They are all politically affiliated and pay both them cops and corrupt clowns. So either way, you lose – unless you can pay all three of them. Then you’ll be a very successful businessman and can get away without paying them taxes, and rather getting refunds on your fake VAT bills.

When it comes to cops, you don’t want to be a friend or a foe with these folks. And let’s not blame them: they’re just following orders and they’re good at what they do.

Like? Working as security guards for them corrupt clowns and beating up innocent students by barging into campuses and swinging their laathis like crazy while them UML thugs who burnt them vehicles sip tea and enjoy the police brutality from a local chiya pasal across the street!

Laws in Nepal are meant to be broken.

Them criminals and our corrupt clowns have made a mockery of the laws of the land. “Rule of Law” – Goli maaro! “Rule of Low Life” – Zindaabaad!

Jai Hos! and Welcome to New Nepal!

(Guffadi blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com)

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