Friday, August 12, 2011

When we were younger....

Guff Suff: Guffadi / The Week - Republica, Friday, August 12th 2011. This is the editor's version... thanks editor saheb for adding ali ali masala ... hehe!

When Prachandoo was a young lad, he used to drink buffalo milk (goat milk when he was Chief Guerilla) and popcorn, rey. Today, our Emperor only drinks bideshi whiskeys and chicken chilly.

He was a big fan of Kollywood (crazy for Karishma KC/Manandhar!) then but today, he likes to watch Chinese movies so that he can at least say few die-logs to his dumpling buddies.

So what can our young folks learn from our current Emperor who has no clothes? Well, just because you drink milk and popcorn won’t get you far. You have to make deals with the devil and be a two-faced double-speaking jackass if you want to get ahead in life.

Baburam Dai never wore any pants until he passed his SLC, rey. Yes, he looked like a skinny German boy dressed in them half kattoo. I think he ought to walk around in them shorts again and maybe he will come first in the race for the prime-monster’s chair, kya.

Well, most of our lasses are already in half-pyants these days, aba we need our lads to walk in and around Kathmandu in Baburam shorts as well. And since the rains are still here with us, it will be very easy to cross the flooded streets of Kathmandu, in a half pyant, ni.

Gyanu Uncle never wanted to be Lord Vishnu rey, but he got lucky twice. He still has fond memories of his tyam in Darjeeling when he was a schoolboy there. I think instead of visiting them religious sites, he should visit his old school and friends baroo.

Life is about second chances. Our young folks should learn a thing or two from Gyanu Uncle as well. You might get a second chance, but if you can’t get it right the second tyam, then it’s done, kya. So, when you get them opportunities, you should grab them like our police-wallahs grab common citizens, by the collar and make sure you don’t let go.

But if you squander your chances, then you will be shown the door, ni. And no, just visiting them temples and praying won’t change your luck. Well, some folks might get it right the third time hola, but by then it’s a little too late, kya.

Kamal Dai used to be a mandaley then, he is still a mandaley now. We have to give it up for Kamal Dada, our veterans’ tennis ace and President of the Lord Vishnu Fan Club for sticking to his stubborn stand for monarchy.

Well, this is what we call sticking by your captain even if the ship has already sunk hola ni. A lesson for our young: your employer might not have made the right decisions but never bad-mouth him or her and always speak highly of your boss, kya. You never know, Kamal Dai might one day not be our prime-monster but he might move to India and be a Swami for all them “Hindu” fanatics, ni.

Some people like books, like Baburam does. Some people can speak from their arses, like our Emperor does. And some people are like Kamal Da who spent his college days guffing at the back of the classroom and singing love songs to every damsel he met.

Baburam used to be in the first row, taking notes like crazy, and Kamal Dai used to put on a show at the last bench, rey. Well, both of them have become Mantris, one for the Left and the other for the Right. The front row kid looked after finances while the backbencher became a home minister.

So what does that tell you? It doesn’t matter if you are a book-smart or street-smart: both of you have the same opportunity to be a mantri, kya, and it doesn’t matter if you play chess or lawn tennis, ni.

Jhallu Baba used to be a schoolteacher once. Now, he is teaching all of us how to make secret deals and not worry about them gnats and flies. I hope his former students are proud of their teacher who so far has inaugurated more toilets and art exhibitions than any other prime-monster in history.

What can we learn from him? Well, just because you got slapped doesn’t mean you need to feel bad. It might not make you mend your ways but it might work as a lucky charm or something.

Let us not even talk about MaKuNe because he is a bad example for our youth, or maybe he can motivate some of them, ki kaso? How? You can still be a loser and win the game, kya; just need to be cunning and do some arse-kissing here and there.

We are a nation of millions of young folks, ruled by a few grumpy old men. Hope one day the young will rise and tides will change.

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