Friday, August 19, 2011

Smarty Pants vs Incompetent Fools

Guff Suff: Guffadi / The Week - Republica, Friday, August 19th 2011. Editor's cut sut...

Jhallu Baba has resigned, but he still gets to tend to his vegetable garden in Baluwatar because our stupid netas are once again haggling over who gets them lucrative ministries and the prime-monster’s throne.

Now, Jhallu can just relax and start going through them catalogs and choose a gas-guzzling, brand-new SUV which he can take with him once he leaves Baluwatar.

Sher-ey Dai still gets free security, fuel expenses, and a SUV from the government. The last time he was prime-monster, he dissolved them local bodies and it’s been a decade since we have had no local representation in our VDCs, wards and municipalities.

The local leaders of the political parties are skimming off them budget, and they should thank Sher-ey for being such a visionary.

More than twenty years ago, Sher-ey drank tea, slept in a small room in Sanepa, and was single and ready to mingle. Today, he can finish off a bottle of bideshi whisky in less than 60 minutes, lives in a palace in Budalinkantha, and is happily married.

Dr BRB’s life hasn’t changed much in the last twenty years, kyaaruh. He loved them rotis and vegetables then, and he’s still sticking to the same diet now. He doesn’t drink whisky, and he would rather live in a commune than build a mansion for himself.

BRB no longer wears them half-pyants like he did in his schooldays, but we know that this smarty pants will not be doling out millions of Rupees from our national coffer to his chamchas, cousins and cadres. He’ll probably forgo them SUVs and bhatta-satta and be driven around in a Nano, hola.

Sher-ey will probably get two more new SUVs, give one to his wife and keep one for his kid. And his Mrs will probably break our foreign minister’s “world tour” record pani. It happened last time and now it’ll be just fast and furious foreign tour, hola ni.

BRB won’t be making secret deals and handing out suitcases filled with cash, SUVs and other bhattas to them netas to get his job done.

Sher-ey is very good at this, and he’s a team player. He likes to dole out cash, gaadis and foreign trips to other netas and even share the loot if that helps him to stay on top, kya.

Our netas have gotten themselves a pay raise this week. An average Nepali barely makes Rs 4,000 a month while them CA members’ monthly salary and perks are more than an average Nepali’s annual income.

BRB would probably not take his salary but Sher-ey will make sure that all our CA members receive more benefits and have fun in the sun. The people want Dr Saheb to be the national team captain.

Them netas from Prachandoo to every other moron would love to see Sher-ey take the helm because he delivers – not to the people but to them corrupt clowns, ni.

BRB will probably walk all the way from Mechi to Mahakali to meet and listen to the people while Sher-ey would use the Army helicopter to take his wife and kids for a picnic in his gaun, hola.

Yes, we’ve seen three comrades in three years do nothing but cut them ribbons and speak from their arses. Some of us might think our Kangaroos (Congressis) deserve a chance to cut more ribbons and do nothing, as well. The Kangaroos had their chance twenty years ago and they screwed it up pretty bad.

If we’re to blame someone for the mess we are in, then all them credits should go to incompetent Congressis who were busy looting the candy store while the Mao-buddies were fighting with catapults.

Now, the story is different. The roles have reversed. Our comrades are busy looting the national coffer while the Congressis want another chance to loot some more.

And they’ve also failed in their recruitment drive to get more mundrey goondas. I don’t know where in the book did Karl Marx mention that Communists and criminals go hand in glove and gel like butter and jelly, kya?

It doesn’t matter who gets to be our prime-monster. Even if BRB Dai gets to be our team captain, his own comrades will be doing everything they can to screw up his plans, ni.

But we know that Dr Saheb will do some work instead of just cutting ribbons and attending them art exhibitions.

Sher-ey will only just hang loose, drink bottles of whiskeys and get another SUV and more bhatta satta.

If BRB can wrap things up, then it’ll be great. If not, we’ll continue to watch Tityo Satya and go to bed, hola ni.

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