Friday, August 26, 2011

Ek Hazar Hajur-Amas



Guff Suff: Guffadi / The Week - Republica, Friday, August 26th 2011. This is the editor's version... (no) thanks editor saheb for omitting 'kissing and adding 'pleasing' when it comes to them 'arses'... hehe!


Jhallu Baba must be relieved now. His blood pressure is back to normal rey and he no longer suffers from constipation as well.

He does not have to please Prachandoo’s arse anymore. Well, the final flattery failed to do any magic but he should be happy that he will now get all them perks that comes once you become the prime-monster.

He no longer has to inaugurate them toilets and art exhibitions. He now inaugurates jewelry expos and maybe he should also move into real estate expos and then vehicles and maybe one day, our prime-monsters will crash them house-warming parties pani.

He is now enjoying his stint as our caretaker prime-monster. Aba time-pass garney ni. Well, he might not get to enjoy like Makune did but he should loosen up and enjoy the comedy circus acts of them players who are busy running around trying to convince other clowns to back them up.

BRB is working over-tyam rey, trying his best to be nice and cordial to everyone so that them clowns will finally agree that he is the best bet to bring all this natak to an end.

Dr Saheb should have been given the opportunity after the Prachandoo sarkar resigned but I guess, in Nepali politics, it’s always your own people who stab you in the arse ni.

Prachandoo is also very busy learning Mandarin and how to use them chopsticks. He is the authorized agent for some Chinese so-called NGOs hawadaari plan for the Disney-fication of Lumbini!

It’s been three years and three months and our netas are more worried about how long the CA’s term should be extended rather than getting things done.

Them buffoons promised us that they would show us the first draft of the Constitution when they voted for them extension on May 28. Next week, they will vote again to extend their pay checks, bhatta satta and what not.

So what exactly did our clowns accomplish in the last 90 days? We should not be mad at our netas because we all work on Nepali tyam ni. Deadlines are for kuireys kya. Our netas are better off if they keep on extending their “consensual” looting of the national coffers. So what if they can’t form a consensus government, we would love to see Ramu Dai fail for the 18th tyam ni.

That would be an inspiration for our young folks. Try again and again and even if you fail for the 17th tyam, no worries… just try again.

The level of patience should not be displayed when trying to woo a damsel because you might look like a stalker, a pervert or you might just need to leave the matchmaking to your family pujari.

And what’s this talk about rotational system? Are they trying to write a constitution or sharing a bag of chips? Why not have each CA clown be prime-monster for an hour and he or she gets to do some ribbon-cutting? Maybe then their egos will be boosted and we can have our constitution ready in 600 hours ni instead of extending it forever.

Across the border, Anna Hazare has shaken the Desi government. In a nation of over a billion people, a 73 year old senior citizen has shown them corrupt clowns that he is not afraid to die for a cause and millions of Indians are behind him.

He just wants them corruption nataks to end and is fighting for a Lokpal bill which will help to prosecute them corrupt netas ni.

We could start looking for our Hazare here in Nepal but we are Nepalis, we actually love our momos and chicken chilly so the question of fasting might be a little too much hola hagi.

So instead of looking for our ‘Hazare,’ why not get Ek Hazar Hajur-Amas to take to the streets and we’ll stand beside them and play our madals and guitars while our grannies beat our clowns with brooms, pans, daadoo, panyuz and anything they can get their hands on.

It’s time for them ladies to show our netas how they discipline their kids. Sabai chor haroo ko kaan saw-ma-tey-ruh naw nimuh-th-ay samma kehi hoonay wala chhaina!

We don’t have a civil society; they are busy carrying them party banners. Our so-called intellectuals are busy writing Op-Ed columns or busy attending them literary festivals.

And so it’s about time, NepalUnites, the Facebook wallahs, should get all mothers to join them and visit each CA clown, corrupt civil servant and criminal and teach them how to Dougie. Ye, sorry, I meant straighten up our chors and force them to mend their ways.

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