Monday, July 18, 2011

US Diversity Lottery Visa

Them DV Lottery result is out.... and congrats to our folks who will now fly to the land of opportunity where you can gorge on hot dogs and cheap watery beer and drive on the wrong side and start thinking in Fahrenheit... hehe!

Today, I am writing this Guffadi's advice not for our NRNs or business-wallahs or parents who go to Amrika to attend them kids' haroo ko graduation etiyaadi!

Winning the 'DV' jackpot doesn't mean.. Obama will personally meet you at Dulles and invite you over for a cup of coffee and cookies with Michelle and family kya!

It doesn't matter if you have a Masters in Political Science from TU or have worked for some financial institution for the last 15 years ... no, you are not going to work as a lecturer or get a job at Wells Fargo just because you have them experiences here in Nepal.

A friend of mine has them Masters in Rajniti and is now in Amrika. Before he left, he was like.. I will get a job at some Uni teaching political science. I said... no... you will get a good job at 7-Eleven and if you work hard for a year or two, you will be promoted to manager and then you will spend all your tyam trying to manage them employees who fail to show up or quit after a weekend of binge drinking etiyaadi!

Work is work.. it doesn't matter if you are a janitor or a NASA ko scientist... both of you will pay taxes... you will drive them cars... it doesn't matter if you bought it for 2,000 dollars or got yourself the new 'Lexus' or something!

Lastuh ma Nepali lay khaney tuh tyehi daal bhaat nai ho! At the end of the day, it's all about savings kya! Even if you make $300 a week working for some Desi ko perfume shop in New York... you can still save some ... that is .. if you don't drink six bottles of Heineken every day and play the NY state lottery.. or hop on a Greyhound Bus and visit the Atlantic City Casino temple every weekend!

Arko saathi has them MBA from KU, and worked for them banks... he is also in Amrika now. Both DV winners but they have chosen different routes to achieve their Amriki dream sream!

The politician has decided that he will slug it out for the next ten years.. and someday own them convenience stores and stuff. He is making good money and so is his wife, who works at the laundry pasal... they have a house now and they will probably spend the rest of their lives ... paying for it.

Yes, he couldn't be a teaching assistant but he has his 10 year plan... and his goal is to work hard so that their kids will enjoy the Amriki life while they build a sizable nest egg and as soon as their kids go off to colleges... he and his wife will come back to Nepal and spend their retirement days.. visiting the holy places here and in India!

The MBA dude has decided to enroll in an university and do another MBA. It will be tough for him for the next year or two. His wife is also in college studying nursing rey. And for the next two years, they will probably spend like... 30-40K to get them Amriki degrees.

Well, the US economy is @#$!ed... but Mrs. will probably get a job right after her graduation.. and my friend might not get a job at Goldman Sachs but he will do alright hola... and if he doesn't get a job there .. then he will go to Dubai or Qatar or them Middle East countries where them Amrikis have invested quite a lot.. rey!

Both of them have plans... and they are sticking to it. Some people have no plans... (like me?).. they just go along with the flow and that's where you falter and get depressed and start acting like a crazy hobo.. hehe!

So to all my brothers and sisters.. the lucky winners of the DV lottery (well, you have to go for an interview and get them papers stamped by our Amriki consulars .. pani!) .... please make sure that you have your game plan ready! If it takes Jason Kidd 17 years to win them NBA title... then it might take you longer to finally be the 'Amriki'... kya!

As you can see.. your degree or work experience means zilch in Amrika... so if you really want to start working the next day you arrive in New York or Miami or New Hampshire... make sure you have some skills ready kya!

Like what? ... Learn to make them egg-whites, home-fries .... sandwiches if you want to work in a Deli. Learn them plumping slumbing, carpentry .... painting etiyaadi if you want to make more $$$ and have a flexible work schedule!

Visit the Holy Sadhu, Google Baba and learn as much as you can about the place you are planning to make your new home... the bus routes, the train schedule and visit Youtube Mata... to learn few Amriki slangs and how they speak etiyaadi!

It doesn't matter if you have an accent.. like Govinda (me!) ... or if you speak in them confusing 'Brit-Amriki-Kenyan' accent... my word of advice... speak slowly. Don't mumble and don't start telling a story like them British clowns kya! Speak slowly... take your time.. get to the point... they will understand!

Just be confident and shout 'Hey, whaaaaatzzzzup... Give me a Coffee , black, two sugars and that wheat bagel with cream cheese' and when he's done packing.. just hand him a ten-dollar bill.. Next tyam, you will know how much it costs and the guy will only nod his head and hand him your daily morning khaja everytime you go to his cart kya!

BTW.. Amrika is really a great country! The only place on Earth where you do get a second chance.. and it doesn't matter if your father is a Sarkaari hakim or them corrupt netas... or a cobbler or a tailor. You are a human being not just some jaat bhaat like here in Nepal. You work hard.. you save.. you make it!

And will somebody please open them 24-hour diner here in Kathmandu? I could like go out for a coffee and early morning breakfast at 3 in the morning and our DV lottery winners, who would like to get some 'Amriki' work experience can do some part-tyam work kya!


  1. you are really good at wat you do. makes me smile. :) n thankx