Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The 'Holy' Priest....

I hope someday we will have them 'local elections' and we will have our Mayor, Ward Chairperson etiyaadi.. because now we have gotten rid of Ali Baba but we are left with them forty thieves kya.. hehe!

Ali Baba increased his bhatta from 10 crores to 60.. and he had to change his Facebook status from 'Lord Vishnu' to 'Uncle G' ... but our 600+ chors are now spending more than 600 crores but I guess we don't have the energy to fight anymore hola hagi...

I think Nepal Unites should partner with 'Red Bull' .. and maybe even ask some of them 'Red Shirts' from Thailand to visit Kathmandu and show us how they did their thing in Bangkok kya!

Well, the reason I want my Ward Chairperson or Mayor back is because... now we don't know where to complain.. when it comes to my neighbor dumping all his old bricks and windows on the sidewalk or some arsehole parking his mini-bus in the middle of the street or my neighbor, a Mongolian auntie who is a born again Aryan fundamentalist!

Yes, every month or so.. .she organizes them Bhajan session ... where them so-called priests and their chamchas ... smoke crack and sing Bhajans in Hindi .... I think they should go and audition for 'Indian Idol' baroo!

And why the @#$! do you need them sound system with the all them mic sic ... and nobody really complains when they start singing like donkeys! I mean.. it's okay if you do your 'Holy Cow' nataks early in the morning till late afternoon.. but to pull an all-nighter.. and disturb the whole neighborhood is not what Lord Krishna did when he was hanging out with all them Gopinis kya!

So I called up the Magar Samaj.. and filed a complaint.. hehe! They called me back and said.. they were worried too! Until few years ago, she used to donate like thousands of Rupees to her 'ethnic' organization.. then suddenly she stopped doing that rey.

A so-called priest (dresses up like Mike Myers in 'The Love Guru' .. same joonga, same looga kya!) is now her spiritual adviser rey!
I did a background check on him.. (in Nepal, we don't need to pay $29.95 to some company like in Amrika kya!).. you just go to a local chiya pasal, and talk about the person and in five minutes, there will be at least 3 former intelligence agents giving you 3 different versions ...hehe!

The guy started out as a sweeper in them local temple in Jhamshikhel. Then he moved to Varanasi and got his degree from a Sanskrit University (doesn't exist!) and then started going to all them houses in the neighborhood with a lota and a plate of tika and got his daily pocket money from them desperate housewives rey!

His tips and tricks did work.. now the auntie has bought him a 5 anna land in Bagdole and he also acts as her manager, collecting rents from the tenants. Yes, the auntie is a rich lady but one day, she will probably move to Varanasi and go on a 10 year bhajan rant and break some Guinness World Records hola.. while our 'holy' priest will cut his hair, shave his beard , throw away his 'sadhu' dresses!

Then what? He will be driving them SUV and will probably head his own 'Holy' organization, bringing in more moolah from more desperate folks who believe that singing bhajans all night will make the Gods happy and fasting will make their husbands happy rey!

I have nothing against Lord Shiva or our player, Krishna ... but if sacrificing animals and visiting them temples and singing bhajans... makes you happy then so be it.. well, it didn't work for our uncle Gyanu.. .and it's not going to work for Jhallu Baba either.. (Yes, he so communist but then do puja when he moved to Baluwatar kya!)

Instead of wasting money on them bhajan-disco parties and throwing away lakhs during them Maha-yaga circus nataks.. baroo just keep your neighborhood clean, fund them local public schools and health posts etiyaadi... and your God(s) will be happy kya!

So where do them Ward chairperson come in play? If we had some elected person then he or she would have to do something about it ni... or else next election ma feri bato ko tender sender ko paisa jhuam garn-naw pau-dainuh ni!

Our municipality should come up with them new regulation kya. No halla-khalla after 10pm.. doesn't matter if you are calling Lord Krishna or Lord Voldemort... but do all that 'Holy' skyping beforer 10pm kya .. then just shut your trap, lock your gates and go to sleep or use your headphones kya!

Why 10pm? Well, 'Tito Satya' hay-ri-sakda ani brush srush garda... 10 baji halcha ni.... hehe!

And to all our restaurant and bar owners in Thamel, Jhamel or Lazmel (Lazimpat?) or Durmel (Durbarmarg) .... you guys can open your bars and stuff until 4am... if you hire like 40 'Radhey Shyam' wallahs and let them sing 'great' songs right outside your bar.
Just lock up your place from the inside.. and make sure the 'Holy' crowd is stationed right outside your gate.. even the chor-Police will not dare to show up at the place and break the curfew kya!

Lau.. Bum Boley (Angrezi translation would be 'Ass Speak?'... with due respect to all the bhaang-saang lovers and the Lord of Destruction!)


  1. Haha, good reply to bhajanwalas. Our municipality must make a strict rules against noise pollution after 10 or 11pm. This problem is common in almost every tole in kathmandu, bhaktapur or lalitpur, I don't know about kirtipur.