Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Renew your Driver's License....


Last tyam I was at the 'Yatayat' (For Nepricans.. it's our 'Nepali' DMV kya!) ... I went to get my Nepali driver's license. The Amriki one still had few years to go .. so I showed them the Bideshi license and they looked at it (as if it was straight out of Obama's arse or something) and gave me a 'Nepali' one as well.

I used one of them 'brokers' you find at the 'Yatayat' .. .he charged me 3K.. if I had done it myself.. then it would be like 1K rahecha... but I didn't want to spend the whole day running around from one room to the other kya.

Then the 'dalali' bhai asked me if I wanted to add them motorcycle ko pani .. for an extra fee. I said... 'No' .. because it wouldn't be right ... I hadn't taken my bike ko exam and stuff.. and the only reason I wanted them gaadi ko license was because I wanted to drive my sister's vehicle and see if I could really drive in our great city of Kathmandu.

Well, drive I did.... spent the first three months (and more than 30K) hitting them taxis and vans .. pachadi batuh not because I didn't know how to drive but I just wanted to check out how kacchi them taxis were kya.. hehe!

Today, we are not here to talk about my driving skills or how 'Shakti Kapoori' I look on my driver's license kya... Aajuh I guff about what to do when you have to renew your driver's license hai!

Went to 'Yatayat' this morning with my sister, who had to renew her driver's license... she goes to school in bidesh, doing her MD! She doesn't need a 'Nepali' one right now but I guess it's more dinero and more hassle if you renew it .. like 5 years after it has expired kya!

First, we went to the 'photocopy shop and had her nagarikta and driver's license ko photocopy. Asked the sahuji about them procedures to renew senew and he went on and on for the next 5 minutes about how his wife had eloped with a mundrey goonda who drove a SUV and he was going to jail in the next few months because he was going to shoot the other guy rey.

Then finally, he gave me his final answer... "Just go to them tables and ask for the 'renewal' forms!"

So off we went to them tables... asked for them forms. Got three forms and two stamps. The Sahuni was kind enough to lick them up herself. Them form sorm costs like Rs 5 and them stamps chahi Rs 10 kyaaruh.. but the final bill was Rs 25! 10 Rupaiya chahi table rakheko fee hola ni!

This is how our government offices work here in Nepal. Them civil servants don't sell anything. Everything is outsourced, from them forms, stamps and if you go to them CDO or Police station.. you get them 'Lekhan-Das' (Writer-Man?) to write your applications. If you don't hire him then your application will be rejected kya!

I don't blame the Sahuni.. she must also pay the local goondas (the one who got them tender sender to place them tables and run them businesses kya! Then of course the local goonda has to pay the sarkari hakims pani ni!

If you go to Yatayat and ask them sarkaari chors .... they won't give you a straight answer kya... baroo ask one of them brokers. If you are in a rush then let him do all them work for some chiya kharcha!

But I wasn't in a rush ... so I just went from one window to another.. and couldn't find out how to get my sister's license renewed!

So I asked a broker... and he thought I had hired him as our 'Express Service' wallah... He told me them step by step procedures. I am good at following instructions .. hehe! I thanked him and he realized that I wouldn't be needing his services. He was pissed... so I gave him a 'strawberry mentos' and a 'Halls' pani!

Now, I tell you them step by step (dance routine) on how to renew your driver's license hai!

1. Get your nagarikta and driver license ko photocopy - 1 pc each! ... so dui-taa for Rs 10.00 (don't ask the Sahuji why he charges Rs 5 for each copy kya!)

2. Head to them tables outside them gate sate.. buy them forms for Rs 25.00 ... your stamps will get free-licking as well. (Yes, every form sorm in Nepal needs to have them stamps.. and actual costs chahi Rs 15.00 ho taruh.. don't ask the Sahuni why it's 25 hai!)

3. Fill up your details and head to the nearest window (the only one) right next to the main gate.. used to be a guard room .. now it's the Medical report ko laagi paisa tirney thau. Hand over them forms to the guy, who is busy stamping, signing and throwing them forms (at you!).

When he is done checking and signing your form , make sure you have Rs 10 ready.... pay him the money, grab your form and head to the main door of the main building after you walk inside the gate hai!

4. The police man will stare at you and the private security guard will interrogate you as if you walked inside Hamid Karzai's office with a suitcase full of fire-crackers.. hehe! Just tell him that you are there to renew your license. I pointed at my sister and said, 'Uha Daktaar saheb ko license renew garnoo parney!'

In Nepal... if you say you are a doctor.. people just make way for you kya. Even them immigration clowns at our international airport says, 'Oh .. tapai tuh daaktra po hoo-no hooncha!'... the only tyam you should not mention that you are a doctor is.. when them fools are vandalizing them hospitals and biting and kicking anyone wearing them white jackets .... because their friend died and they blame the doctor for it kya.

Yes, sometimes tuh vary vary laa-par-wai.. but not every tyam ni.... I think our doctors should all get themselves tyo TASER from Amrika kya!

Okay, let's get back to the story ... hehe! But they won't tell you which room to go.. (they don't know) and our civil servants are busy drinking tea and smoking (office vitra nai!).. so head three floors up and wander around... room to room showing your forms.. when finally one kind fellow will tell you which room to go. He will point somewhere outside his room.. so just walk out and go to another room and another before you find the room where you need to be.

5. Go to the 'Room' and the sarkari jackass will check your forms, find out your license number and go through his one page 'directory' list and shout 'Ek Saya Chaaw-Biss' .. another skinny guy will be seen running around and walking over to you with a big dhatta (book!) and will go over them pages and finally stop and verify that you are the person who received the license and not the fake ones they themselves sold to some sucker ... few months ago.. hehe!

6. The guy will scribble something gibberish (like... I have to pee real bad!) or.. ye.. must be his signature and some 'verified' thing hola.. sorry!... and then you grab them forms and head downstairs... come out of the building, make a left , go around the building and make a right and you will see two different lines heading to a single door and the ones who are inside struggling to get out because the queue-wallahs refuse to budge kya!

7. This is where them medical tests sests hoonay thau. One line for them renewal wallahs, the other for the 'newbies'.... the guy who scored the lowest in them MBBS exams happen to be them medical doctors here.. no I am not kidding and he will ask you to read them numbers from a kiddie play-book ... some kind of color-blind ho ki kay test rahecha.

If you are blind just repeat these numbers '97, 6, 41, 24' hai.. then you pass kya! The Daaktar will scribble something... 'I hate this job but thanks to my uncle who happened to be the local leader of some communist party in Parsa ko chamcha ko pani chamcha.. so I got this job and now I am stuck' .. ho yeti nai laamo hooncha usko signature pani!

8. Grab your forms and head to Window #3.... and pay them Rs 700 and the guy will give you tyo 'Blank' Driver's License and you will be surrounded by 6 ladies... trying to pull you apart!

Well, kay rahecha bhaney.. they have their own typing syping , laminate saminate garney table outside.. so nothing new.... you get them taxi drivers trying to tear your suitcases @ our international airport... or if you take a bus to Pokhara from Kalanki then you have them khalasis giving you arms massage by bending and twisting your arms and legs pani ... so that they get some commission if you use their bus or taxi or typing service kya!

9. Now, you head to the laminate/type sype table outside the gate, up the small hill.. pay Rs 50.. the lady will type your info.. make sure you proof-read it twice or else there will always be a typo kya!

Then they tell you that after you get your driver's license stamped ... then only come back to them and get it laminated kya! So how do they know that you got it typed at their place... they will know rey!

10. Head back to Window #3.. hand the guy.. your 'typed' driver's license... he hands you back a chit... (every slip they give you.. be it them traffic cop or the CDO office is a 'chit' in Nepal!).. and tell you come back after 5 days to get your Driver's license!

But if you had used them 'broker' services and paid extra (a thousand!)... then you will get your license the same day kya!... Yestai ho 'Nepal' ma.... it's good to be them civil servants, dalaals and mundrey goondas! Jai Hos!

Ye.. and don't forget to get your driver's license laminated after you get it... after all, you paid Rs 50 for both typing/lamination combo deal ni!


5 comments:

  1. wow man, my license expired 13 months back which i came to know yesterday. maybe i didnt know it had expired coz i have been a good driver i guess. but being a good driver has its downfalls. anyways, am going to yatayat to renew my 13 month expired license. hope to follow all the steps u outlined.

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  2. mero pani license expired bhaisakyo. Ahile samma ta computerma data store garne chalan aayo hola ki bhanera sochchu. Tara bhitra bata malai nai thaha chha ki arko 5 barsa samma pani dhatta nai paltaunu parne huncha. License renew kasari garne bhanera googlema haneko, thyakkai mitra ko blog dekhayo. Googlele pani government website kina dekhayenachha bhanera yeso check gare. Government websitema info nai rahenachha. http://dotm.gov.np/ Link click garyo khali khali page aaune. J hos, saathi ko blog padhera chai dherai kura thaha paaiyo. Dherai dherai dhanyabaad hai.

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  3. Hehe jai Nepal....yestai ho aile pani.

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