Saturday, August 4, 2012

Hail to the Chiefs!

Dr. Saheb could have given our women a boost by promoting Brinda Hada as the new Chief Secretary. But he found Mr. Leela Mani Poudel more competent than other ‘minority’ candidates.  I guess Mr. Poudel must have put on a pretty decent ‘Ramlila’ show at the Prime Minister’s Office.
And as usual, the other senior government secretaries are now resigning because they don’t want to work under a ‘junior’.  Our  hakim sahebs have too much ego and most of these ‘seniors’ had only a month or two left for retirement anyway. Our caretaker government needs to hire them motivational speakers and teach our civil servants how to be good losers.
And for the sake of the Dhaka Topi, can you guys at least learn how to retire gracefully instead of storming out like a kid who didn’t get the biggest candy bar?
Professor SD Muni, the Desi Guru-Ba, who is a mentor to our Dr. Saheb has finally come out of the closet.  No, he is not going for a gender- reassignment surgery anytime soon but if he grew long hair (transplant will do) and beard and added a few inches to his height then he would probably look like Gandalf or Dumbledore. Or if we go with the Hindu mythology then let’s think about Dronacharya minus the warrior skills!

Anyway, the so-called ‘Nepal’ expert tells us that our Emperor and the one and only ‘Smarty Half-Pyant’ had sent love letters to the Desis. Yes, our patriotic revolutionaries promised not to go ‘anti-Indian’ and professed their love for all things Bollywood way back in 2002 rey!
I think the Indian Embassy should host a 10-year anniversary of the great love affair between our former rebels and the RAW blokes! Was the 40-point demand nothing but another nautanki natak?
If  Sheroo Dai had been kind enough to address their demands then,  we would not be paying Rs 200+ to watch Bollywood flicks today and  the only food wallahs making money in the valley wouldn’t be the ones selling pani puris outside them malls.
If we had really banned everything ‘Desi’ like our comrades had demanded then…  we would be watching only French movies and eating escargot today! And instead of going crazy with ‘Desi Girl’ at all them party palaces during the wedding season, maybe we would be bobbing our heads to fresh beats from David Guetta.
The caretaker government is busy taking care of itself and apart from that it really wants to expand the roads in the capital. Somebody must have a plan to host a Formula One racing event in the valley someday! Keshav Sthapit has only plans for a ‘love park’ so let’s cross him off the ‘conspirators’ list hai.
The army’s welfare fund has like Rs 21.75 billion thanks to our soldiers who go to them UN peacekeeping missions. Deducting 10% from your paycheck is understandable but why is the army collecting 22% from each personnel serving in them UN missions? And if the generals’ wives want to act like Maharanis then they should at least pass out from the basic training.
I guess we will never get to use the Maitighar-Bhadrakali route through the Army Headquarters. Maybe it’s time to relocate the army headquarters to the outskirts of the valley. Our traffic cops will save some energy by not having to salute the jar-saabs every time they pass through Thapathali.
We will have a new Army Chief this September. The House of Shumsher makes a comeback again but we should give the man credit that he has risen through the ranks on his own merit. The seniority rule hasn’t been broken in the army yet.
Our media tells us that Gaurav dai has close ties with the Indian political class. He is pretty tight with the Amrikans as well. Nine years ago on this day, our comrades did try to ambush his convoy. He survived because the second pipe bomb misfired. Well that was then and this is now. We are no longer in war except for Baidya dai who still wants a rematch or something.
We should not be suspicious of him just because he happens to be a great-grandson of a Shree Tin Maharaja. We already have a bunch of Shree Aath Maharajas now.  At least the guy has slogged for more than 40 years and he has made it to the top now. If it were like the good old days then he would have been a General even before he learned his ABCs!
If Gaurav dai doesn’t want to move the Army HQ somewhere else then he can at least do us a favor by building a flyover. Baroo make it a sky tunnel of sorts and the army can collect toll tax as well. At least the army welfare fund will make more money than the crappy interest our banks are paying them right now.

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