Friday, August 17, 2012

My Father...

Ajuh hamro Nepal ma 'Father's Day' ho... sabai baba haroo lai namaskar.. hehe! I called my Dad this afternoon to wish him ... a 'Happy Buwa Diwas'. Like everyone else, I too admire and love my Baba! My sano sisters lay 'Daddy' bhancha.. muh chahi 'Bwa' ... but I am not good at them communicating stuff kyaaruh!

I got a D+ in one of my speech class back in them days. The guy from the Middle East got a C+ because he just blabbered jey payee tyehi for 10 minutes. 

I talked about how Amrika's foreign policy was crap and one day.. it would bite them in the arse (this was all before 9-11)... but I went over the time limit.. 17 minutes 22 seconds rey. I still remember my Professori..... 'It was great.. but you just @$%!ed up my stopwatch... Mr. Naples! 

She finally figured out that I wasn't from Naples after I gave her a sano khukuri. I told her that we use them tiny khukuris as letter-openers! Yes, you can bribe your professoris in Amrika pani... haha! I ended up with B+.

Anyways.. I just want to thank my Dad for everything. It's been great so far... I have been given every opportunity there ever is or was ... and I have successfully managed to screw it up! Tyesai bhaye-ruh hola.. my favorite movie is 'Apollo 13' ...  tyes ma euta die-log cha 'successful failure'. Some folks fail miserably .. I have failed successfully bhannoo parla!

Your friends will last as long as you have them dough or weed or something that makes them look better than you! Your family will always love you unconditionally... even if you end up being a real jerk or a serial killer nai! They will support you no matter what and it took me a long time to figure that out!

When I was in the sixth grade, my Dad asked me.... 'So what do you want to be when you grow up?'. I said 'Philosopher' ... and I did get B+ in my Philo class in my freshman year but then I got mixed up with them Nasdaq natak. 

I wanted to make a quick million and retire at 22. Well, the Nasdaq crashed like crazy and all my dot come stocks went down to pennies! So never invest in the stock market unless you are the guy who is taking your company public ... hehe! Facebook is down by more than 60% but Zookerbug is still worth billions hehe!

Then I got mixed up with the anti-war crowd and wanted to kick Bush in the arse. It was fun hanging out with a bunch of so-called Kuirey liberals but they smoke too much weed and act like there is still a war in Vietnam! Get a grip... and move on kya!

I am afraid of Amrikans.. (yes, even David Bowie is!) ... their foreign policy really sucks but rights sights ko kura ma chai.. Amrika is still the best country in the world. @#$!ing Europe... they act like they really care for our janjaatis and all them climate change natak but at the end... they are all snobs kya! 

Go live in the UK or France or Germany.... and then move to Amrika.. you will figure it out hai! But of course.. that doesn't mean our folks living in them EU places are not having fun ni. Liverpool FC, Benny Hill, Escargot and Sauerkraut.. I likes.. hehe!

Amrika ko ACLU bhanya jastai.. Nepal ma pani khol-noo parla... abuh! Ahiley pani gau ghar ma hamra mahila haroo lai boksi bhaneyruh maar-chan, Dalit haroo lai pit-chan.... khoi Maobadi lay kay change garyo tuh.... ghanta!

Okay, let's get back to the story of the day. My dear father is getting old. Well, most of our Babas are getting old.  My father tells me that I am a smart man. Well, every Dad thinks his son is a smart alec ni! 

My Dad used to be pretty good at basketball and cross-country running. I used to be a pretty good ball player in high school but I retired after my all-boys team was beaten by the all-girls team... hehe!

Yes, yo chahi true story nai ho. And I still hate that coach for sending a bunch of girls after we were leading 21-2 against the boys team. Our coach did not object because uni haroo ko coach was an old boy from our school. 

And he wanted to embarrass his boys rey but the girls managed to score 20 unanswered points to beat us 22-21. What happened? Our team spent the whole time staring at the short skirts and by the time the game was over... we finally realized that we had spent the second half ogling at the ladies!  

We had finally become legends... not in a good way .. of course! As I was watching them Olympic nataks last week... that feeling when you are nearing the finishing line is really something hai! 

I still remember the  day .. I won them track & field events and my Dad was there ... cheering me as if I was about to break them world record secord nai. Tyeti bela tuh it was embarrassing pani..but of course.. when you are a teenager, your friends are cool and your parents are aliens ni!

My father doesn't smoke or gamble and he only drinks a peg or two! My relatives do tell me that he used to smoke once in a while when he was young but he quit! 

I have been trying to quit smoking since the 7th grade and so far I have failed successfully. I really want to quit because I don't want to go to the dentist every other month. 

And your girlfriend doesn't want to kiss an ashtray ni. Well, we have broken up and I am now listening to this great 'Tarun Kumar' and his song .. 'She Lyaaaft me' .. YouTube ma.. hehe!

I have been playing poker since they found Saddam uncle hiding in some hole with a few cans of 7-UP and them Mars candy bar kyaaruh. I need to quit gambling pani because so far I have never won because I always think I have the best hand when the other guy has a straight flush and I have nothing!

Abuh drinking ko kura... I do drink once in a while but I should start following Aristotle Baba ko formula ... 'everything in moderation.. babu'. I think I will stick to them 'dark choclateee stuff' because it lowers your BP rey!

My father is always calm and patient and he has all them leadership skills like your dad. I have a short temper... and if I was leading a platoon in the battlefield.. my soldiers would probably leave me alone because of my crazy antics hola!

I have always wanted to be like my father.... but I have realized that I can never be. I will always be me. Well, I have improved quite a bit in the past few months. I don't yell at my employees anymore... hehe! I have become a little bit more patient and I don't want to go out and beat all them sarkari hakims anymore.

There is a big bhwaang (pothole!) near my house. A few years ago... I had to beat up the Khanepani people to fix them road because tyo paani ko pipe lay garda bhaako rahecha. 

I didn't realize that the Department of Road Toad ko jimma po rahecha. My father was okay with my 'angry young man' natak then. He still thinks our netas are a bunch of losers and they should be buried alive. Ye...  my father is more radical then Mohan Baidya .. haha!

The local police even searched my house to arrest me. I then had to surrender because my cousin (a cop) advised me to give the 'Khanepani ko saacho (key)' back to them folks! Yes, our Khanepani have them key to ghoomau and then your tole gets them dui thopa paani kya!

The Asahi (Assistant Sub-Inspector gadha!).. asked me... 'Kay ho.. neta bannuh khojya?'.  'Hoinuh... tyee sabai tuh chor hoon ni!'... and then he asked the hawaldar to coach-au-o me in them khor! I spent 9 hours talking with a bunch of pickpockets, bike-chors and one guy who had sold his kaka's land by faking them documents.. hehe!

Ani bholi palta chahi... I had to sign them agreement with the hakim sahebs ... I promised them that I will never ever... beat them up again or will happily face them consequences etiyaadi. Ek palta jail gaye pachi Nepal ko sarkar ko jaagir khana pau-dai-nuh rey. Abuh malai kay ko sarkaari jaagir ni... baroo traffic police ma chahi bharti hoo-noo parla!

The SP saheb then advised me ... to just do my stuff and not get involved into them samaj-sudhar karyakaram. I still remember them words... 'Bhai.. yesto kaam garney bhaye ... party sarty join garuh.. nepal ma eklai law-dey-ruh kaam chaina kya!'.

And now... I am a grumpy old man and I walk by that bhwaang everyday. I do care... I have given the local club some money to buy some roda-gitti and fill up the bhwaang but I am not going to go around acting like Rajnikanth abuh tuh. It's time to mellow down hola ni!

My father tells me that I am really good at everything but I lack focus rey. And he is right... at least about the 'focus' thing ni.. hehe!  Nowadays, I am only focusing on how to be a better person than trying to change my tole sole and the world nai. 

I still haven't been able to wake up at 5 am and go for a run like my sister or my parents nai. Yes, my whole family is into running and stuff. I think we have like a trunk full of medals maathi store room maa. 

My sisters were all athletes in high school and they were all pretty good students pani. I was too.... but then I watched 'Dead Poets Society' in the 10th grade and decided to follow my dreams. But I still haven't figured out mero dreams sreams chahi kya ho bhaney-ruh hehe!

Ye.. la.. ajuh ko post was supposed to be about my father but as usual... it's always about me! My former girlfriend once asked me... 'Why is it always have to be about you?'. hehe! 

I have stopped trying to be like my father. Our fathers are our heroes. They are men of integrity, character and  strength.. (yo die-log mailey kaha soonay ko thiye!).... and here we are, trying to figure out how the hell did they manage to get married in their 20s... have a bunch of kids and then work hard enough to buy a 6 anna jagga in Kathmandu and build a small house pani!

I am moving to Myagdi because I will never be able to buy a land or build a house in Kathmandu. And if I hang out with Mahabir Pun then I will get free internet access pani.. hehe! 

Well, I really don't care for them ghar, gaadis or gold like our netas. I am happy with a bunch of books, coffee and cigarettes.. (churot chahi chodnai parcha hai!). I will just go buy a tent and encroach some public land...hehe!

Let us all thank our fathers today for sacrificing their wants and needs so that we could be spoiled brats... hehe! Lau.. sabai baba haroo lai hamro 'thank you' .... hope Prakashey will call our Emperor and Paras Dai will call Gyanu uncle to thank them as well. Jey bhaye pani.... afno bau afnai ho ni.. taruh yo neta haroo lai chai samjahu-nai parcha.. yo desh chai uni haroo ko bau ko sampati hoinuh kya... hehe! 

And Dr KC... stop your hunger strike. I love you myaaan.. (in a good way ni feri!)... but I think it would be better if we bought them boras of chaamal and gave them to our so-called netas.. yee bhaatey haroo lai bhaat dim ... KC sir ko hunger strike lay yee gadha haroo lai kehi farak par-dai-nuh because these @#$!ers are not compassionate  folks... they are corrupt fools kya!

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