Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Terima Kasih!

Last year, I promised to save my money ani also reduce my so-called carbon foot soot print pani. It was only Micros and Tyampoos for me. But this monsoon, I have no choice but to take them tyaksis around town. 

Why? I am getting old and lazy and I don't want to vandalize them vehicles .... because if you are walking on them so-called pavement or that used to be one.. you are likely to get neeth-rook-kai when them gaadis splash you ni!

Thank you Dr. Saheb for them road widening projects ..... now all we need is a canoe or a raft or a giant bubble... ask them Chinese to make them and sell us some. 

I think it's better if you buy one of them hard-core swimmer lay launey gear sear .. full body swimsuit.. ani just carry your looga, kitab and stuff in them water swater-proof jhola!

I think we should ask some of our hydropower wallahs to generate some electricity whenever our streets are flooded! I don't know if somebody has come up with them crazy stuff... probably the Japanese hola.... bato flood bhaye ki... at least cell phone charge garney samma power nikal-nuh milcha ki! 

No, I am not smoking crack or sootthha or whatever them young follks call them jhaar-paat these days... hehe! Our police wallahs have been busting them Hashish rackets rey... or are them dealers creating artificial shortage like our byaparis? Khoi.. muh tuh carrot cake matruh khanchoo kyaaruh!

Let's get back to the story of the day. Got into a tyaksi in Jawlakhel. Paani naw-parey ko bhaye chahi Tyampoo nai linthey ni. 'Kata ho?' .... 'Kathmandu Post ko Office thaha-cha?' ...'Kantipur'...'ho ho'.

We got to Kupondole... and the bato ghato sabai flooded. I have no freaking idea why them local baasis don't go to the Sadak Bhivag and complain? The 'Roadies' might say 'go to the municipality or wherever' but Dr. Saheb.. I think it's better to build some drain for the rain instead of just making our roads wider kya!  

I think folks should just use their baal-teens (buckets) to fill up them paani and then head to the local Ward Office and dump them fohor paani tyo ward secretary ko tauko ma. Ani tatin-cha ki bajiya?

Pahila po Wada Adhaksya hoon-thyo! Now, we have all them sarkari chors and they don't care because they are not elected ni. Vote maagnoo parney bhaye po ali ali kaam garney! Sabai political party sarty lai paisa baatnuh think cha tyee mora mori haroo lai!

I hope we do have them local elections soon. Baroo @#$! the CA natak. Hami lai local choo-naab cha-hi-yo Dr. Saheb. Tyeti bhaye pani dinoos nuh. Hisila Didi lai chahi sabai Guthi ko jagga nai dinoos baroo.. hehe!

Chepang lai jagga dinoos, Raute lai coat, aroo sabai baaki lai chai local choonab .... ki kaso! Hamro gau, tole hami nai banau-chau. Hamrai mayor, mayor-ni, hamrai wada adhakshya.. not them so-called all party mechanism @#$!-sheet!

Ye.. feri bhoolay cha... let's get back to the story! I am Guffadi... so whenever I am in them tyaksis.. I start them guff suff. 

'Afnai tyaksi ho!' ..... duita answer hooncha... 'Hoinuh ... Saahoo ko' or 'Hoinuh.. Finance ko' .. even if the guy has paid all them Finance company ko  installments ani tyaksi afnai bhaye pani.. hehe!

Aajuh ko tyaksi pilot was from Saptari. By the tyam... we got to Thapathali... I found out that he had gone to Malaysia and had worked for a 'laybhal' factory in Kuala Lumpur. 'Kay ho Level bhanya?' .. 'Yo kya.. eesticker pheestiker haroo'.. tyaksi ma bhaako 'no smoking' ko sticker dekhau-dai!

Tin-Chaar barsa kaam pachi, paisa ali save garey ruh farkey cha! Tyaksi kinecha, saat-aath barsa bhayo tyaksi chala-ko ani ahiley Thimi ma ali ali jagga pani! 

I am seriously thinking of getting a tyaksi and be a pilot with my own dress ress ani wings ruh topi pani. Afnai gaadi bhaye pachi.... mahina ko 25-30 tuh bawchha rey kya.. tyo pani bank lai paisa boo-jaa-ye-ruh! 

We talked about our great Maoists (malai pahila nai tha-ha thiyo .. yee ni haroo chor hoon kya), the system (kay ko system... loot-nay pani euta system hooncha ni), traffic rules (haha!) and our byaparis and their adulterated products (sabai lai jhoondaam... communists haroo lay saa-shun garya rey.. sabai byapari lai po fai-da!).

I have stopped talking about them 'tweaked meters' because every 183 days, you will get into a tyaski with a sarkari meter (and you feel like the guy is Anna Hazare and you give him double nai).. aroo din chahi sabai ko ek call wa dead (1.5) call tuh hooncha nai! The guy's meter was ali ali fast pani. 

The pilot was frank.. there was no 'mila-yeruh dinoos'. 'Kay garney.... hami lai aroo lay thug-cha.. hami lay tapai-lai'..hehe. We talked about Malaysia. I have been there a few times.... but I was guffing like I knew Malay. 

The guy did know a little bit more Malay kyaaruh... so now I was about to get busted..hehe... ani.. I changed the topic. Topic ko kura ma.. mero eks ko yaad ayo. She used to always tell me that I changed them topic sopic whenever we talked about them 'real' stuff. 

Myan... I wish I didn't do that then.... but kay garney.. abuh 'Woh Chali Woh Chali'.. geet gau-noo parla ni.. hehe... kaha batuh Bombay Vikings ko yaad ayo. 

Ye.. that was the 90s.... with their Hinglish Gaanas.... abuh reunion garyo bhaney band ko naam pani 'Mumbai Mitthai-wallah' huncha hola or else them Hindu talibans aka Shiva Sena in Mumbai will do some daang doong hola ni!

Whenever I am in them Micros... I think of her! When I walk by tyo bus stop... I want to see her there .. waiting for them bus sus.... ani I just want to say 'Kay Cha Haal-Khabar'.. angrezi ma 'How are you?' ... that's all I can say now. 

Restraint is haaard.. especially for a guy like me.. who has spent all his life... blabbering gibberish'. The show must go on bhancha ni... khoi kaslai kay dekhaunoo cha ruh abuh. 6th grade ma tyo Willie dai ko tyo monologue kantha paarnoo par-thyo!

All the world's a stage ki kay bhanney.... and  the only thing I remember is them last line kyaaruh.. "Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything." .... and I am not even that old (Willie dai ko world=stage anosaar tuh muh 'Lover-Soldier' phase ma nai choo..hehe..) .. and my dentist tells me to visit him every three months for them sar-safai karyakaram because I puff too much rey. 

My gums are getting all jpt rey. I guess I will just stop going to the dentist and just chew some more gum for my gums.. hehe! Ani tuh Kabhi Whiskey Kabhi Gum holan tuh! 

My sister tells me.. 'with that money you spent on them Kuirey dentists there.. you could have bought a 7 anna jagga in Kusunti'.. hehe! Daant ko problem tuh baccha dekhi ho... badi cream soda piye, Red Bull tuh class three dekhi nai .. tyeti bela sano bottle ma pau-thyo.. hehe!

My eyes... dui barsa agaadi.... was -2 something.. ahiley tuh double bhayo hola ni.. hehe! I only wear them glasses whenever I have to drop someone off at the airport. Contacts suntacts chahi ... kahiley pani laga-yenuh because I am not good at handling them stuff!

Gaddi kudau-da chasma chahi lau-choo because I don't want to hit some guy who is trying to break the  world record for slow-walking in Tinkune ni! 

Sabai Amrika nai jaan-chan.. ani sabai flight tyo raati matrai! I am like the designated drop-off guy in my family ani aroo relatives lai. Baroo bihanuh 6 bajey udau-noo ni ek dui wata plane slane tuh! Taruh Kathmandu ma tuh raati raati gaadi chalau nai mazza hagi!

Okay... where was I? This was supposed to be about our tyaksi sahuji who knows the Malaysian national anthem by heart but once again.. it has become about me.. hehe!  

Hamro tyaksi sahuji ko bhanai anoosaar chahi... 'All them Sahujis in Malaysia are Chinese.. all them alchi haroo chahi Malays and sabai chor chahi Tamil' ...rey! 

I think he should be a stand-up comedian and do a 'Malaysia Tour' hola... hehe! Abuh usko bichar ho... malai tuh sabai khaana mitho laagcha kyaaruh! If you are a racist or really want to rant against other people then just be a stand-up comedian. You can get away with anything kya!

He will probably get free kung pao chicken from them Chinese, the Malays will grill him and make a Nepali Satay out of him and the Tamils will not only rob him but will skin him alive and Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam aka M.I.A. will probably sing a song about it hola ni!

Malay kura ma chahi.. I only know a) Marlboro Satu ... because every morning on my way to school, I used to visit the local store run by a crazy Malay baajey... he didn't speak English or Singlish nai. Marlboro bhanya tyehi.. Satu bhanya one , ek.. abuh go figure!

b) Terima Kasih... (if you say it fast and like twenty times in less than 9.63 seconds then it sounds like 'Your mom is a goat' in Bhojpuri-Nepali version ... but it means.. Dhanyabad kya!..  thank you tuh bhanna aunoo paryo ni.. jaha gaw-ye pani! 

c) and lastuh ma chahi tyehi ho... gaali pani gar-naw aunoo paryo ni.. hehe! I also know them in Mandarin and Tamil... but since the LTTE has left the building.. abuh kay use garai bhayo tuh. 

Mandarin ma chahi... abuh Thamel ko hot pot place ma ganau-ney masoo diyo bhaney gaali garnoo parla ni hamro Chiniya sahuji haroo lai. I don't know if there are here for them Yarsagumba or really into running a hot pot place nai.

Ani ayee pugyo Kantipur ko office. Meter lay 320 haaney cha... baroo '420 nika-ley hoonthyo ni Mahathir Mohamad' .. 'Kaha .. dai tyo tuh ati nai badi hooncha ni hagi'..  'Testo bhaye lau 250 liun tuh'  500 ko note diye.... but the guy doesn't have change.. 'Muh sangaw 20 rupya ani aroo sabai 100 haroo cha'... abuh 250 batuh 280 nai linuh lagyo Malaysian hero lay!

Paani ajhai pardai cha... afai janoo paryo kirana pasal and bought a NTC ko recharge ani Mentos! But then I decided to give him 320 nai! Jay bhaye pani guff suff ramailo thiyo ni!

I am thinking of going to KL this December. I think I should ask my tyaksi sahuji friend to tag along.. and then we go to some food court and order them roti (mutton ko jhol ma), nasi lemak and mee goreng and then I will ask a Malay and a Tamil gangster to join us for dinner!

Ani tyee dui jana lai bhanney kya... what my friend really thinks about them .. hehe! Why? Ani hamro pilot lay Malaysian national anthem gaucha ani sabai khoos... haha!  Chicken fly-lice tuh tyestai ho.. seafood chahi miss hoo-do rahecha! 

Maybe our President should ask Saudi dalal bin Talal to build an artificial sea here in our land. Tyo medal diye ko kay kaam.. baroo euta maadal diye hoon-thyo ni uslai!

No comments:

Post a Comment