Saturday, August 25, 2012

Master Plan

Khum Bahadur Khadka is a law-abiding citizen. Maybe the President should give him a medal for respecting the court’s verdict. Dr. Saheb should ask his friend, Balkrishna Dhungel to learn a thing or two from Khumey Dai. But of course, Dhungel will have to spend his life in prison and he won’t get to enjoy the good life.

Khumey dai should be happy that he got them discounts on his fine and jail term. Now he can pass his time playing a game of marriage with his fellow dishonorable ministers in Dillibazar.

Our Congressi cadres managed to raise Rs 7.5 million to pay Khumey Dai’s fine. It would have been better if they had instead set up a fund to help our villagers to charter them helicopters to ferry their sick to the capital. But who cares about winning the hearts and minds of the common folks hagi?

Haku Kale had only one master plan. Dr. Saheb has too many and not enough suckers to follow him to the Promised Land. Wider roads won’t solve our traffic congestion. Our bikewallahs will continue to hog the pavement.

Micros will stop in the middle of the road and wait for the guy who is going for the world record on slow-walking. And the jagga dalals will park wherever they want because they think all lands are fit for plotting even the public roads as well.

No Electricity Authority (NEA) has increased the load shedding hours. I guess we didn’t pray enough to the Gods this time. So now, we will get less electricity, pay more and NEA will continue to lose billions.

Dr. Saheb has directed our NEA folks to not increase the load shedding hours by more than 12 during the winter. The only way out of this mess is to build a nuclear power plant. We will have enough electricity and our chimekis won’t push us around like bullies. Let’s go nuclear.. or act like we plan to and get some free dough from the West for not building one.

Our great Nepal Police has decided to save some money on them telephone bills by only allowing one-way telephone service in our police stations in the valley.

You can call them cops but they can’t call you back. So you will have to call back again and again until they finally reach the crime scene. By then, the mundrey gundas will be long gone and our cops will have nothing to do but go back to the station and wait for your call.

If Nepal Police really wants to cut down their expenses then why not ask our senior police wallahs to leave their free gaadis at the office during the holidays?

We can save some fuel and the hakims’ wives and kids can take a taxi instead of misusing state property. And hopefully when the Maharanis complain about the tweaked meters then our police wallahs will do something about it.

Our cops don’t have enough funds for fuel, maintenance and spare tyres. We now have a night bus service in the valley but it only runs till 11pm. Why not let our cops drop folks off after midnight and charge them a little less than our taxi wallahs? Our cops will have enough dough to fill up their tanks and maintain their vehicles. And if they still have something left over then they can use it for late night khaja.

Nepal Police should also ban mobile phones during duty hours. Some of our cops use it to inform them mundrey gundas whenever the hakim sahebs are planning a bust. And some of them ask for recharge cards instead of cash from local fruit sellers and taxi wallahs.

I guess we all need to talk to someone. Maybe Nepal Police should start counseling sessions for the cops so that they will figure out why they joined the police force in the first place.

I guess we won’t be eating Brazilian chickens anymore. The Desis are not keen to open KFC and Pizza Hut again. There is nothing wrong with having a union but why are our comrades always ready to display their Kung Fu skills?

Some of us think that having all them international fast food chains in the city make us look good. No it doesn’t… our money goes all the way to Brazil rather to our poultry farms.

We should ask the Samba folks to help us to grow bigger chickens, better coffee and teach us how to organize a boombastic Carnival here in Kathmandu. We can then sell our chickens to KFCs in India.

We can cut down our milk deficit by drinking black coffee. And we should be able to attract more than a million tourists once we have a Brazilian-style carnival in the middle of the city.


  1. i really like your guf
    "Heads and tail
    Master plan" and expect will have a chance to read this kind of article in future. Thanks guffadi.

  2. read it in one of the daily newspaper! appreciated your views and enjoyed much!
    Guffadi! you have devised something beneficial to our police-wallahs. Hope they'd implement it soon...'hei, it's not a laughing matter!!'...tittered!!!