Monday, August 27, 2012

Am I the crazy one?

It's 11:34 pm and there's a shoot for some TV ad across my house. Generator tuh ali silent nai cha taruh... it's getting irritating... And then I walk across the road and tell the sahuji... 'Kati tyam laagcha'. 

He is a little tipsy... 'Khoi.. yestai tuh ho ni!'. I tell him to shut it down then and his friend tells me.. 'Tyeso bhaye.. sabai yo bato ma raati gaadi gudau-ney lai kay bhanchau tuh?'. Question ma arko question..hehe!

He tells me that I don't have an answer rey. Yes, I do... but I have stopped slapping folks around... abuh merai galti bhaye-cha hagi.

I feel sorry for myself, my tole-baasis... I guess ... one day, when somebody is getting mugged at 2 in the morning.. we will just shut our doors and act like we don't care hola ni. Ahiley pani tyestai cha in Kathmandu ma... kaha gaye holan hamro sabhyata?

I wanted to punch the guy ... tyesko kaan ma.. but a fortune teller from Hyderbad has told me to not get into any street fights this year or I will end up in jail big tyam rey.

I am trying to be nice because this is not the first tyam. A year ago... the sahuji and his other partner were drunk and mookh-chaading in front of my house at 3 in the morning. I told them to shut up but then the guy told me that he was paying rent and he was from Kalopul and he also has his own homies and gangsters etiyaadi. Who gives a @#$!?

Then a few months ago, he was at it again. This tyam.. he told me that he was from Hanumandhoka and knows all them cops and blah blah blah. I really don't give a @#$!. Don't stand across the street and talk sheet at 2 am in the morning ni. Ani ajuh chahi.. he tells me he is from Soruhkhutte... kati thau ma ho yesko ghar pani?

I really don't give a rat's arse where you are from. This is my tole, my father's house and I have a bedroom and I need to sleep. Well, I normally sleep around 3am hehe but sometimes.... it's good to sleep early ni!

But it's all good. I didn't get into a fist fight with the guy across the street. Last tyam.. I had with me a big lamo latthi. He still remembers rahecha... and he has been telling all his friends in Kathmandu that some crazy wacko from across the street tried to kill him.

This is KTM.... sano thau.. kura soon-in-cha hehe! And I didn't even hit that guy. I just had it with me for my own protection.. but he thought I was about to crack his skull open. I am not a YCL-ey ni!

There's a new restaurant right next to his shop. A couple of bideshis haroo lay kholay-ko. One of them drives around in them blue-plated gaadis. So the guy tells me... 'What about them folks?'... uni haroo lai chahi kay bhanchau ni!

Well, them kuireys can do what they want but if they start making noise after 10pm and it goes until 11:34 then I will tell them.. 'go back to where you came from!'... hehe.... I will be like a Nepali redneck hehe!

I think it's tyam our traffic wallahs check them kuirey haroo ko registration papers. If she's working for UN or all them so-called donor agencies.. then okay... good for her. But if she's driving around in them gaadis... kun chai kuirey batuh kiney ko and if she's not allowed to have a blue-plate gaadi then she must be deported. 

Hamra dai didi bhai bahini lai matruh kati deport garney tyee kuirey haroo lay? Yeso.. hami pani deport garoom nuh .. hehe!

I don't know what's up with folks these days. Maybe I am the crazy one. I want peace and quiet in my neighborhood after 10pm. I think everyone should be allowed to make some noise until 10 and after that.. baroo yeso ali kum halla garnoo ni.

Anyways, the bidhesis tell my chimeki that they can open until midnight and make all the noise they want because... they are bideshis rey. 

I know that they are not going to like me when I show up at their restaurant one day and tell them to shut off them music system. Baroo sound-proof garnoo ni. 

Kay ho khoi.. tole-baasis haroo lai pani matlab chaina! I feel sorry for them folks who still live in the so-called Jhamel area. I don't like that name. Ki Jhamshikhel bhaw-nuh ki dhobighat but please... not mini-Thamel. 

I think it's tyam.. we just move all the restaurants (loud music wallah) to a new basti. Baroo.. let's have like 500 restaurants in one tole nai. And everyone can go there .... and you can open till 4am nai. 

We are no longer considerate of others... we don't care if we are disturbing other folks at midnight. Mero ghar pachadi ko chimeki is a hard-core Hindu fundamentalist. There is a all-night bhajan every other month. 

I met the Baajey the other day and told him that he will either have to shut it down by 10pm or I am going to start playing some 'Heavy Metal' stuff... to compete with the 'Bhajans'.

The Baajey now has 2 ropani jagga in Bagdole rey.... hamro chimeki auntie ko gift sift. Good for him... but he should do the Bhajans at his jagga baroo!

Nothing wrong with being in touch with God... sing all you want, dance all you want... but don't disturb your neighbors.. tyo pani raat bhari. Bihanuh bajau, diu-so gau, raati ko 11 bajey tuh Bhagwan lai pani disturb hooncha ni.

Mero tole ko bato ma feri thulo bhwaang. Nobody really cares. I did .. once.. ended up beating up a sarkari hakim and nearly got myself a year in jail pani. We sorted it out.... we signed an agreement.... and the SP saheb then told me to join a political party instead... hehe!

I tried with them batti satti in my tole. Two years ago, we had like 44 streetlights kyaaruh. Now, only three of them work... and nobody cares. Even I don't... jhan mobile naw-loot-wos, naari haroo ko gahana naw-taan-wos bhaneruh light sight haal-dya ho.. abuh khoi.. jhan malai po bahula bhanchan mera tole-baasi haroo lay!

I told the pasaley across the street to stop throwing trash outside.. poko para ani tyo private santitation company ko gaada ma faal-noos! He doesn't care because he wants to save Rs 150 a month!

I no longer want to beat people up because it's not the right way. I am not Rajnikanth... or YCL or a local mundrey gunda! I am just a Bahula who has nothing better to do (ek jana ko bhanai!) or I am doing all them stuff because I have them funding from some kuireys rey (arko lay guff haney-cha!).

So I have stopped worrying about my tole sole. Let it be... Paulie dai lay bhanya thiyo kyaaruh. Neta haroo lai matlab chaina, karykarta tuh jhan chor. Police ko fursta nai chaina mundrey gunda sangaw hangout garnaw. Khoi... abuh chahi afai lai nai mental asylum ma bharti garau-noo parla!

And why are our folks better at answering back with all them stupid die-logs instead of admitting that they made a mistake and you know.. maybe apologize and not do it again. Ye.. sorry hai.. bholi dkehi muh disturb gardinaw bhaney bhayee halyo ni.

Sometimes.. I feel like leaving.. Las Vegas.. hehe!  Maybe I will go to a village..... bato banaam... toilet pani... khola ko paani batuh sano mini-hydro... and ask Mahabir Pun for some help for them internet stuff. Baroo.. gau ko bikash chahi huncha hola tawruh yo sahar ma chahi... 'Yestai tuh honi'.


  1. You are, you are a mindblowing narrator.. (: I could imagine the whole scene in my mind while going through the words. (:

  2. finally found a real analyst after a long time..keep up the good work bro...