Sunday, August 19, 2012

How Baburam can impress them Mullahs?

Dr. Saheb is going to Tehran next week rey. He will be there to attend the so-called NAM summit. The Non-Aligned Movement was great when our Amrikans and the Russians were busy hiding nukes in them satellite states. The rest of the world acted like they wanted to remain neutral but actually wanted chiya kharcha from them two fools kyaruh!

We got them Amrikan volunteers and the Russians gave us some dough to start our own cigarette factory in the country... hehe! Them Peace Corps volunteers went to them villagers, ate daal bhat with their hands and some of them even got married to Nepali women pani.

Tyeti bela ko volunteers haroo speak fluent Nepali and know more than most of us nai. Aroo kuirey lai guff diye pani ... former Peace Corps volunteers haroo lai chai guff naw-dinoo.. hai! They probably built them toilets in your grandfather's village and taught your father how to play them guitar and sing Bob Dylan ko ek dui gana pani. And then asked your grandmother if it was okay to marry her thulo chori... hehe!

Aaj kal tuh... we have them kuirey volunteers who come to our land and do their volunteer natak for 3-6 months. They stay in Kathmandu with their host families... get tired of the same old 'dui-chaak' daal bhat a day...hehe! And their Facebook pics haroo chahi tyehi bungee sungree, Lakeside, Poon Hill and they will teach at a school in the Far West for three weeks and act like they know Nepal more than Professor SD Muni.. hehe!

Ani uni haroo ko kaam chahi.... brochure banuu-nay, kun chai so-called NGO ko website ma ek duita picture upload garnaw sikauney... etiyaadi! Tyeti bela ko volunteer haroo lai po dinoo parney ho hamro sarkari medal... but nowadays, we hand them medals to Saudi dalal, Prince bin Talal!

The Russians gave us them scholarship seats ... so that our lads could go to the former Soviet Union and study all kinds of engineering. Amrika lay 10 seats diyo bhaney tyee Roosi haroo lay 50 seats din-they rey!

But most of our 'engineers' became byaparis in the CCCP (Союз Советских Социалистических Республик)... damn.. them Russian words pani kay ho hagi! They would cross them borders and bring back stereos and jeans and sell it to the communists rey.

Some of us had fun selling Thailand ko jeans and dingo boots and stuff to the Desis in the 90s.. hehe! But Dr. Mickey Mouse Singh decided to end the good tyam for our Nepali students in India by allowing them Desis to drink Coke & Pepsi instead of only Thums Up!

Even our Upendra Mahato started out by learning them smuggling tricks ni. I hear most of his dough comes from the Russian mobsters but this is Nepal... we can't prove anything because our politicians, byaapris and civil servants are good at hiding stuff up their arse hola!

But Mahato made it... and to be well off in them former Soviet Union... you must be really tight with the mobsters and former KGB people. If Mahato had gone to Japan instead ... he would have been tight with the Yakuza hola ni!

Anyways, Janakpur Cigarette Factory (JCF) was established back in them 60s. They had 'Yak' churot... and most of your babas smoked them tyeti bela. JCF was doing great until Girija Babu and his hungry wolves won the lucky draw to loot our rastra ko dhukuti.

Our congressis gave jobs to thousands of their cadres in them public enterprises and made millions ani tyee state corporations could not make any profit due to overstaffing and incompetent management and khiya-laako machines and stuff!

Ahiley pani tyestai ho.. the guy appointed by our comrades to look after Nepal Airlines is a eight-grade drop-out! Nothing wrong with that. Paw-dey ruh bhanda Paw-ray ruh jaanin-cha bhanchan kyaaruh... hehe! Maybe he is like Leonardo Da Vinci holan tuh. Maybe he will design a new plane by using bamboo and jhaar-paaat! Ani plane ma khaa-naa chahi bhutya-makai matra diye kaso hola .. but at least don't run Nepal Airlines like a local bus ni.

Nepal Airlines has one functional 757.... and the other one is always under maintenance kyaaruh. And when will Sujata auntie finally go to jai for @#$ing up our national carrier? Jail bhanda pani tyo dumped aircraft at TIA ma nai uha lai koach-dim naw ... for a decade or two.

The Congressis destroyed all them PEs and our comrades have really done nothing to bring them great sansthans back to life. It's the same old story, hire your cadres, fire the other guys and loot some more!

Nepal Drugs pani ramrai thiyo. Now, they don't even make any dabai sabai... them employees get their taw-lab without doing anything. They come to the office, sign up in them hajir kitab and then read newspapers and drink chiya all day. Kya Mazza!

Look at Gorkhapatra Sansthan. I think they should scrap them newspapers and just publish a daily 'government jobs, tender sender or notices' ko list cyst etiyaadi. Save some money ni. Ani paper quality hay-ruh nuh... yesari na ho ni .. paisa khane! Nepal TV ko pani tyehi taal cha.. jata hay-rey pani chor haroo matrai!

The Rising Nepal naam raakhney bewakoof lai goli haa-noo parney ho. Or maybe he should have been given the 'Gorkha Dakshin Bahu' then.. we are still waiting for Nepal to rise up hagi! Look at them Sajha buses... khattam garyo and now we have our byaparis and their micros, buses and trucks.... ripping us off!

One day, our working class will no longer be able to pay them fares nai. I think it's time to teach our folks how to roller skate. @#$! scooties, bhai-cycle and Reva nai. Let's all go rollerblading! And if the micro-driver acts funny .. 100 jana skaters ko jhaapoo khaada kehi sikcha hola ni.

Taxi wallahs haroo ko tuh kura nai naw-garoom. I am seriously thinking of starting my own taxi-service. Sarkari meter ma chalau-nay but you have to pay an annual fee of Rs 1,001. Tyo fee see chahi.... if you throw up while coming back home after Friday hangout sessions ni. Somebody has to clean it up kya!

Oops... today's post was supposed to be about what Baburam can learn from them Iranians since he is going to Iran for them (BAD)NAM summit...hehe! I was in Tarai a year ago and they were singing 'Baburam bad-naam hui daarling India kay liye' .. haha!

Our comrades can stop boasting about this and that. No, they did not win any war swar and they will never be able to take over the country and turn it into mini-North Korea nai.

Maybe they should have read more about how Khoi-money tricked everyone into thinking that he was their savior. Let us all feel bad for them Iranian students, scholars and hardworking working class people who expected good things from the revolution and all they got was a bunch of wannabe wizards and their jpt fatwas!

So the Khoi-money guide to revolution ko first chapter ma kay lekhy cha bhaney... first, you have to kick the previous players out of the country and then you capture everything and enjoy the loot ni and make sure you kill anyone who disagrees with you.

Our comrades did that in them villages but they should have asked North Korea for help to capture this land of ours instead of them Desis hehe! Who would want to mess with us if we had a bunch of nukes pointed at our chimekis?

Who cares if it doesn't work? As long as you have them kay bhancha ni.. enriched uranium sheet.. them chimekis will have to give a damn ni! A nuke is a nuke... it's not a hand grenade... it's going to do more damage than just blow up a wall or something.

And why the @#$! are we not worried about what would happen if the Desis, the Hot-Pot wallahs and the Fateh Ali Khan's decided to fire them nukes at each other? Most of us will die from them radiation nataks.

The Maoists could have done us a favor by digging up them bunkers to get away from the nuclear meltdown instead of giving us guff about how they will fight India one day... hehe!

We are still waiting kya.. yes, I want to see Prachandoo running towards India like Sunny Deol did in tyo Bollywood film 'Gadar' ki kya ho. Well, Sunny dai is old now.. so I guess our Emperor will hang out with Sunny Leone hola ni!

Our comrades are busy looting but it's no fun when you have to share the candy bar with other nautankis. Just ask a kid how much it hurts to share a candy bar with his or her sibling ...hehe!

So .. Dr. Saheb won't learn anything new from the Iranians.. because he has a PhD and he is the smarty half-pyant from Nepal. Baroo... he should ask them Iranians how they managed to transfer US$ 250 billion here and there.

Tyo Standard Chartered ko 'transfer' crew ko phone number tip-noo Dr. Saheb. I know that you don't have to wire them money to foreign banks because you have a few lakhs in the bank .. but our Emperor does ... so if you help him hide his money then he will let you be the Prime Monster for another 20 years rey!

And can you ask the Iranians for some free oil pani? Dr. Saheb supports them statehood thing for our Palestinians. He should take a class or two from the 'Tito Satya' or 'Meri Basya' ki kay ho tyo... and do some over-acting kya.

Be anti-Amrikan or anti-Israel for a year or two. We will get free oil from Iran, Venezuela and thousands of doctors from Cuba pani. North Korea lai pani naw-birsum hai! Baroo... give a medal to Mugabe and that fool from Syria pani. C'mon.. we need Bill O'Really? from FoxNews talking about us... haha!

If we get them free fuel from Iran (ek dui barsa lai bhaye pani), NOC will finally be able to pay off its RS 20+ billion debt hola. And them Cuban doctors will go to our villages and work there for a year or two.

And when them Cubans return home, they will be eating dal bhaat with their hands and singing Resham Firi-ri and Raul Castro might help us to start our own cigar factory in the country hola ni!

Our government has really @$%ed up our credibility by supporting that 'One China' policy crap.I don't know why them Chinese worry about Tibetans protesting in Kathmandu?

If they are so @#$!ing paranoid then why don't they stop making stuff for them Amrikans ni. Dalai Lama is always at Central Park, NYC and the Chinese are okay with it. Why can't he visit Kathmandu? And why is Hong Kong and Macau still acting like they are British or Portuguese?

Sabai paisa ko khel ho babu... Our great Hot & Sour soup wallahs make US$ 300 billion more from the Amrikans ni. And them Amrikans are okay with the trade deficit as long as they get sasto maal. Arrey waah... sabai yo paisa ko nai ho kamaal!

So Dr. Saheb... go and kiss the crazy Iranian President Uhhh-Muh-Diney-Jaad (Yes, I give Raksi!) on the both cheeks and give some guff about the great Khoi-money and the Iranian Revolution! Kiss his arse like you and the Emperor did with them RAW agents in Delhi... hehe!

The Desis have been dealing with the Iranians for ages. Baroo siknoo hos.. desi haroo batuh. They are tight with the Iranians, the Russians and now with the Amrikans pani. Baroo if our netas really want to pick up a fight then let's attack Burkina Faso. What? I once dated a girl from Burkina Faso.... that's why.. hehe!

Let's get back to the 'How to get some honey and money from Iran' stuff. Maybe we will get free oil and dates and pistachios if Dr. Saheb can do the arse-kissing right.

Dashain awoo-dai cha ni... hamra byapari haroo lay feri thug-ney bahyo hami lai ... baroo Iran batuh siddhai dry fruit shroot import garoom ani sasto ma dinoo Dr. Saheb.. hehe!

Let's be friends with North Korea, Venezuela, Cuba ad Iran. I don't know what North Korea will give us... fake Marlboros, fake Amriki dollars and a fake nuclear bomb pani.. hehe! We will give them fake VAT bills hola ni!

And why is Manushi going to Iran with her Dad? She is not a computer operator ni. She is a gold medalist from TU. She should not go to Iran where them stupid Mullahs have no respect for women.

Will she be asked to wear them Burka Surka too? I guess not.. it's the NAM summit and them mullahs will act like they didn't see any women during the conference hola!

Manushi... go hang out with Hillary Clinton baroo. Learn how to have fun, have a beer, learn some dance moves instead of just ghokking them university kitabs! Don't go to Iran... go to Ibiza baroo... and read about Golda Meir instead of the same old three stooges!

Mao, Lenin, Stalin ko kaam chaina abuh yo duniya ma.... Aquino, Meir ani aroo ko cha.. not Evita and I really don't like Thatcher ... and she is not dead yet (with due respect to the Iron Lady!)... eh... Joan of Arc nai.. lau jaa.. hehe!Lau tuh Dr. Saheb ki chori... be a myaan.. I mean... a real woman... and don't go to Iran ... rastra ko dhukuti ko ali kati paisa tuh save hooncha ni.. ki kaso!

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