Sunday, August 12, 2012

Bus, Trucks & Micros

Let us all thank our transport entrepreneurs for calling off the so-called indefinite nationwide public transport strike. Millions of Nepalis had to stay home and clean their rooms after our union wallahs decided not to provide them transportation services during the weekend!

And once again, our caretaker government has agreed to meet them demands of our byaparis. The bus, trucks and micro-wallahs have been ripping us off for ages but our so-called sarkari wallahs don't give a damn hagi!

All them unions are affiliated to our major political parties and when it's time to hold them conventions and other rajniti gai-jatras, the unions foot them bills ni!

The so-called truckers are charging 50% more than the government ko fixed rate for them goods. And our byaparis have to make a profit .. so the consumers end up paying more for everything! Yestai ho yeha ko chalan. 

Whenever our great oil monopoly, NOC decides to hike them fuel prices... our micro-wallahs will raise their fares kyaaruh. I hope they will charge us only a Rupee or two when them oil prices are like $10 per barrel...someday!

So what are them demands of our great gaadi-wallahs? They want a separate ministry of transport. Yes, a vary vary good idea. If all our businesses demand a separate ministry then we will probably have 420 new ministries hola! 

One day... our barbers will demand their own ministry. So, let's start a ministry of barbarism. Then our masoo pasaleys would want one too.... another ministry of animal farm?

Our gaadi wallahs have also demanded that the traffic police wallahs reduce the fine for public vehicles and no more bonus for them 'poor' traffic cops! Yes, our traffic cops stationed at them so-called checkpoints across the country do get them chiya kharchas. 

After all, hakim saheb lai pani bujhau-noo nai paryo ni! But our valley traffic cops have to breathe in them fumes every day and by the time they retire... all of them will have COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease!). 

I think the 15% bonus system was a great idea. At least 85% of them fines was going to the state treasury ni. Now, the government has decided to scrap the bonus thing and our traffic police will continue to make money anyway ... but the government will get zilch!

The byaparis also want the government to reduce them fines rey. Ahiley lai chai, our traffic cops can fine them roadracers from Rs 200 to Rs 1,000. I think the government should instead increase them fines by like 10,000% ki kaso? 

Them headlights are not working... then you will be fined Rs 20,000. You forgot to stick them 'emission test' sticker.. pay Rs 100,000 fine. Anybody who fails to renew their 'emission test' thing is a lazy bum! Your vehicle may be spewing black fumes but you can still get them sticker after you pay them chiya kharcha ni!

You don't have them blue book with you.... then your vehicle will be used by the Red Cross to carry out them health camps across the country for a month. You forgot to carry your license then you will have to clean up Bagmati for a week! 

Let's get back to our gaadi wallahs! We have them crazy drivers.... who never learned how to hit on them brakes hola.... and when they run over a pedestrian or a cyclist or a bike wallah... the driver jumps out of his vehicle and runs faster than Usain Bolt. 

So far only 1.2% of them drivers have been caught on the spot. The other 98.8% must have done them 100m dash in less than 8.8 seconds hola! Next time, somebody should just time it hagi!

And even if the driver is caught and somehow manages to survive the janta-dhulai... he will be released in a day or two. Why? Because them union wallahs take care of them business rey. 

If it was the driver's fault then the guy should go to jail for like 10 years and pay Rs 1 crore compensation to the victim's family. The gaadi sahujis would then fire them drivers and drive them vehicles themselves ni.. hehe! If it was the chicken's fault then the the driver should get free chicken curry for the night!

More than 60 folks have died in them bus accidents in the past month alone. We have them checkpoints along them highways to make sure that our public vehicles are not speeding. 

But the union wallahs pay off our cops and they just put a tick mark on them time cards while the guru-jis continues to speed as if he has to reach Sundhara in less than an hour .. when he is in @$#!ing Mugling! Why Sundhara? Because he has to use them mobile toilet rey!

It's been more than a year and our gaadi wallahs have yet to comply with the dress code and ID card thing. Yes, all our bus drivers and their assistants must wear them uniforms (no... Manchester United ko t-shirt doesn't count hai!) and they must have their IDs where all passengers can see rey. Khoi tuh? 

The gas wallahs are also planning to go on them strike and will stop supplying cooking gas from August 15th rey. Why? Because they are not happy with them commissions. 

They make like Rs 100 per cylinder. There are more than 4.5 million cylinders in the valley. They make Rs 450 million a month... more than Rs 5 billion a year and they still want more. 

NOC has asked them to change the color of half of them cylinders. Yes, 'Red' for the poor jantas and 'Blue' for them business wallahs. NOC plans to raise them cooking gas prices soon. 

But our gas bottlers don't want to change them color solor because it costs too much money rey. Rs 200 per cylinder to paint them 'blue'... It will cost our gas wallahs Rs 450 million. That's like ek mahina ko faida ni! 

We have like 75% communist netas in this great country of ours.... but all of them jackasses are closet capitalists... it's the wild wild west .. my myan and womyan! 

LOOT was okay and it did make like Rs 6 Karods at the box office.  Loot 2 ma chahi Haku Kale has another maasturrr peelan! He steals all them gaadi ko tyres and cooking gas cylinders! And he becomes a Nepali 'Robin Hood' and changes his name to 'Hookah Gorey'. The producers can get 'fair n hensum' to pay some dough for them product placement etiyaadi!

I don't know if 'Highway' was okay or not ... but if the director wants to do a sequel the just stop trying to squeeze in them characters jpt.. just have a bus driver and his khalasi ... talk about life and all them feel-o-sophie-call kura haroo as the bus is upside down ... without any passengers ni feri!

No comments:

Post a Comment