Saturday, August 11, 2012

To Di World...

The London Olympics is almost over and not enough shocking incidents yet to make our chiya pasal guffs interesting. The Desis were pissed off because one of the volunteers decided to march with them during the Opening Ceremony. It wasn’t enough that she was a Desi Girl herself. Thank God… the British didn’t invite them IPL cricket cheerleaders to walk with the Desi team!

Maybe Danny Boyle can do the Desis a favor by including a dance routine to ‘Jai Ho’ from the ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ at the closing ceremony. Her Majesty herself could lead the flash mob to make it more interesting.

Jamaica has less than 3 million folks but they seem to dominate the sprint events. What is their secret? Is it the reggae music or Red Stripe or racing to catch the local bus every morning?

For the Amrikans, the country offers beaches and fun. No wonder Stella got her groove back in Jamaica. For the rest of the world, Bob Marley is still alive and kicking in Kingston. And then, we have Usain Bolt, who continues to shock us with his long legs, his blitzing speed and of course.. the greatest pose of all time … ‘To Di World’. Well, it’s much better than Lady Gaga shocking us all with her wardrobe.

Bolt decided to wait until the last moment to answer his critics. The international media were betting on Yohan ‘The Beast’ Blake to upstage Bolt. But once again, the shush-man delivered a lightning bolt by winning the 100m in an Olympic record of 9.63 seconds. Bolt has become a legend after becoming the first superman to defend the sprint double at an Olympics!

We should send one of our student union cadres to the 100m dash someday. He would probably break the world record if the International Olympic Committee (IOC) allows a Nepali police wallah to chase the guy with a laathi as soon as the starting shot is fired.

The Chinese continue to dominate the Olympics and they seem to be participating in nearly all the events. And we have our wannabe superpower, the Desis, who have barely managed to win a bunch of medals. India can never call itself a superpower until it wins a dozen gold medals in the Olympics.

In the future, the Chinese will probably win all the medals and IOC might have to hold two different Olympics. The Super-Olympics for those who have permanent seats at the UN Security Council and the So-So Olympics for the rest of us!

And what about us, the great Nepalis who have been participating in the Olympics since 1964? We won a bronze medal in Seoul when they had ‘Taekwondo’ as one of them demonstration sports. It is now a full medal sport but where have all our martial artists gone?

If the IOC had not cancelled ‘demonstration sports’ after 1992 then the British would probably have included ‘Pub Crawl’ and maybe one of our lads would have at least bagged a medal.

As usual, we send more officials than athletes. We had 5 athletes representing the country and 21 officials, enjoying the free ride this time! We had two track and field athletes, two swimmers and a shooter.

Whatever happened to our marathon runners and boxers? We can’t compete with the Jamaicans when it comes to running the sprints. But if our Nepal Olympic Committee (NOC) really wants to help our athletes then send them all to China except our marathon wallahs. They should be sent to Kenya.

I think Mohan Baidya can win the votes of all athletes in the country if he promises to send all of them to China for a four-year long training. I don’t know what he discussed with the Chinese when he went to Beijing last month. Maybe he just tried to impress them by quoting Chairman Mao like a guy trying to impress his date with lines from Shakespeare.

We may not win any medals in the Olympics anytime soon but we would surely dominate the South Asian Games after years of rigorous training with the Chinese. And when our athletes are done with their sporting careers, they would have the opportunity to work as translators since all our national priority projects seem to have Chinese contractors. If that fails then they can open up hot pot places around town and make money off them Chinese tourists.

We have the Olympics, Paralympics and Special Olympics but I never heard of Gay Olympics until our media reported that the Blue Diamond Society wallahs are planning to host Asia’s first ‘Gay Games’ right here in Kathmandu this coming October! I hope they get Elton John to perform at the Opening Ceremony. If that happens then they won’t have to worry about the funds to conduct them games.

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