Saturday, August 18, 2012

Congress + Corruption = Conspiracy!

Our Emperor has received the most complaints from his cadres rey. The Maoist probe panel will probably find oil in the middle of nowhere first, before it even figures out who made how much! There must be someone who has all the hisab-kitab hoinuh ruh?

And it would have been better if our comrades had spent the loot on sending our crown prince to Mars. Our polygamist prince has already climbed Everest. I think he should head to the Red Planet as well and become the first comrade to play a game of Dandi-Biyo on Mars. He would then have more internet memes than the NASA’s Mohawk guy hola.
Our netas don’t have time to do the math because they are busy meeting foreign handlers and listening to humble requests from our ethical byaparis! It’s their personal aides (PAs) who have them calculators tied to their belt buckles and pens with invisible ink to jot down all the figures and names of those great folks who always seem to donate cash to our netas voluntarily.
If we really want to find the truth then we should round up them PAs and maybe ask the guy from BBC’s Sajha Sawal to ask them pimps where they have hidden the pots of gold! 

The event should be telecast live from Rangasala and we should have our netas super-glued on the parapets so that our TV crews can capture their constipated facial expressions while the PAs blurt out them figures.
Khum Bahadur Dai, the great Nepali Congress (NC) freeloader has been sentenced to 18 months in prison. His supporters were pissed and the only way out to vent your anger in this country is to vandalize vehicles! 

I think them NC cadres should just be proud that their netas had fun looting the state treasury then. Every dog has its day bhanya jastai… let’s hope that the others will get their chance to be declared ‘100% corrupt’ by the courts someday.
Khumey Dai will have to cough off only Rs 9.47 million rey. It’s hard to believe that he only made so little. Before he first became a mantri, he had a Goldstar TV, 6 tolas of gold and a few parcels of land somewhere! 

A decade later, the guy made enough dough to start his own TV-assembling plant in the country. I guess our CIAA folks are still using the abacus to do the math.
And what’s up with our courts and their ‘discount’ offers? Our ghoos-khoris get 20% discount in jail term and fines if they surrender early. Hope one day Bhatbhateni will offer us similar discounts instead of twiddling with fake VAT bills!  Khumey dai now has 60 days to wrap things up and settle his accounts at the local liquor store before he heads to prison.
I think our freeloaders who are convicted of corruption offenses should get at least a year in jail for each month served as the dishonorable minister. And the fines are peanuts compared to how much they have managed to loot. 

Instead of buying up land, vehicles and what not in the names of their wives, kids and drivers… they should have asked the Standard Chartered people for some help. If them bankers can help the Iranians to hide US$ 250 billion then the loot from Nepal would seem like coins in them piggy banks!
In 2030, our courts will probably find our great comrades guilty of corruption as well. Dr. Saheb will probably be the only one who will get a clean chit. Baburam Dai has only 4 lakhs in the bank but our Emperor must have made more than Rs 4 billion by now. But who’s counting? 
Dr. Saheb spent a night with the Chepangs in Chitwan. I think he should spend some time with our Rautes too. Our comrades don’t like them Daura Suruwals but wearing a Dhaka Topi on them tie-suits is more of an eye-sore. They should push for the ‘Raute’ getup to be the national dress!
If that happens then many of our patriotic folks won’t have to wear the Duara Suruwal and it would be much easier to visit the restroom pani. And instead of spending half of your salary on dry cleaning them suits, just grab a Chinese blanket, a Desi towel and go to work!
I wish our netas could be like the Rautes. Then they wouldn’t have to spend all their time, scheming and back-stabbing each other for a few Rupees more. Our netas could be making pots and what not and could sell them to raise funds for their parties!
Like the Rautes, our netas too can walk from one village to another and hang out with the people instead of hatching conspiracies to destroy this land of ours with their divisive politics!

(TKP: On Saturday)

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